The Only Way To Overcome Your Ego Is To Challenge It (2032)

I feel like I'm the most confident I've ever been , but I also make fun of myself the most I ever have , and it doesn't affect me . It's not like I feel bad after I do it .

And so , kevin , right there mentioning making fun of oneself , if you can be playful with yourself and make fun of yourself in a playful way , not a a self-deprecating way , I think that's actually an indicator that you are more confident and less insecure .

And there was a point at the end where Alan and Quentin were just geeking out and I don't mean that as a derogatory thing . They were having a really cool conversation about stuff that I just didn't understand . And there was a point I waited a while . I was like if it gets to a certain point , I'm going to say something .

And there was a little pause and I said , just so the listeners know , anybody just listening , I am still here . I know I haven't spoken in like five minutes . I'm still here Just taking in the information . And when I did that , quentin the host I think he thought I was insecure because he's like yeah , no , no , and I was like dude , you're good , I promise .

I just thought it would be . I thought that would be funny . I thought that would be a funny little thing to do . If I was insecure about it , I wouldn't have been able to say anything . I would have had whatever trauma response I normally have , but I've been able to be put into situations like that repeatedly over the last eight years . Now I understand .

Okay , this is normally where I might get triggered , I might get insecure , whatever it is , and now it's easy enough to override and just make . I don't want to say make fun of it . It's almost like poking the elephant in the room because you know there's an elephant in the room but you're okay poking it .

And I think if you have an ego , it doesn't allow you to look at something like that and say , okay , I am insecure why ? I think it ends up being I'm not insecure . These two dudes are just arrogant and the whole opportunity for growth is gone . Ego is great for protecting you , but it's not great for helping you grow , unfortunately .

Whatever you get the sniffles , your immune system is attacking whatever illness , virus , disease , you name it . The psychological immune system is attacking whatever it is that you are not ready to emotionally handle . And so as you grow and evolve and learn , you can be more and more and more okay with the way I see it is .

The more confident you become , the more self-esteem you build inside , the more you believe in yourself , the more you can own your inadequacies , which then gives you the opportunity to grow even more . So let's say , let's say , I have level one self-belief . Hypothetically , now I can , I can own level one truths about myself .

Then , those level one truths , what's a good example of this ? Oh , okay , a kid . A kid who has level one self-belief can own the fact that , okay , I'm not really that good looking . Apparently , that kind of sucks , you think that's level one , I don't know , maybe not . No , that's not level one , that's heavy Is that heavy , that's heavy son .

Okay , what's a level one ? What's a level one ? Let's do this .

She would beat me at everything goddamn board game . She would beat us , beat me at every video game . She would beat me at everything . That was so annoying and I don't know . I guess my unconscious story to myself was what . I'll just work harder and get better than her . I never really I don't know . This is why this is such a bad episode for me .

So Kev has helped me understand how much , Because when you first met me I knew I believed in myself , but I didn't know how much . It was just like , yeah , I mean , I didn't know . This is the problem . Have you ever heard that thing where I could hold this up and it's orange , and what if your orange is my red ? And we would never know ?

It's like that ? If I've never not believed in myself , how the hell am I going to know how you feel , Especially in a world where people have an ego that shows up in a different way than what they're feeling deep down ? That's why human beings are the most confusing , Like if you study a car or or a I don't know chemistry .

It's so easy because it just works every time Physics is so easy because it just makes perfect sense , whereas human beings , you're studying things that are so wildly unique . Some people are more confident than you think , but they hide it . Other people are less confident than you think , but they hide their insecurity .

It's very hard to know and , by the way , kevin and I have both coached the same people . I've talked about this . People react to people differently .

So if they create belonging , so if you're around someone with high self-belief , like Quentin , you might pretend to believe in yourself more than you do and you might actually believe in yourself more than you do because he believes in you in that moment . So it's very hard .

The observer effect it's a psychological bias where , when you study horses , for example , if the horse is aware that you're studying them , they change their behavior .

Obviously , a horse is going to act different when there's a tiger in the corner than when there isn't , so a tiger really doesn't actually know what a horse is like without it there metaphorically and so that's why it's been really frustrating for me to study .

I like psychology , but I think it's been really hard for me to understand human beings over the years .

I don't know why it blew my mind so much , but can you go deeper ? So I guess and again , I'm not a therapist , I am a podcaster who plays a podcaster on television . That is what I am , okay . Okay , let's get that out . So evidently solution-based therapy is .

The example that was used in the book was there was a kid in school who was essentially getting kicked out of every class all the time and they said , well , we really need to talk to him about his childhood and about his past and what's going on at home , and blah , blah , blah .

And he went , the school had a therapist or sent him to a therapist , and he said we're not going to do any of that . I'm going to ask him okay , you're getting sent to the principal's office four times a week . What's happening on the fifth day where you don't ?

And he essentially said well , I go into the classroom and the teacher asks me how I'm doing and they greet me at the door and they're super kind and you know I feel stupid when the teacher's giving directions , but this certain teacher that I never get kicked out of her class . She always comes over and make sure that I understand what she's teaching .

And they said so , that's why you never misbehave . And he said yeah , that's I mean that class . I feel like good , I feel safe , I feel I feel like they care , let's say psychological

safety . Let's give that information to the other teachers to see if , when they do that , it improves . And it essentially went from like 10 percent 10 percent behavior in alignment with what was expected , to like 80 behavior , and it was just based on the fact that they just saw the bright spots and doubled down on that it was mind-blowing .

The cool part about what you shared about that student is that the psychological safety created for that student will also ripple into the other kids as well . That's known as systemic change . It's really cool . But anyways , back to the latter . Let's go back to self-belief . Let's go back to the latter . All right , the latter , so level one .

So this is my thesis the more self-belief you have , the more you will be willing to look at your inadequacies , especially the ones you feel in control of changing . So if I have level five self-belief , I will face a level five truth that I believe I can change . So , for example , fitness when I first got into fitness , I went to the gym .

I looked at how far I had fallen since college . I cried in the bathroom and then left . That was one of my most hard days , one of my most hard days in my adult life . At the time , I went back and eventually was ready for more and more and more

and more and more and more feedback . So the idea here is how do you build self-belief ? You start where you are and you face whatever hard truth is at that level . Once you face that hard truth now you can work on it . And then , when you work on it , you build self-confidence . And then you can work on it .

And then , when you work on it , you build self-confidence and then you can face another hard truth . This is one of the reasons why growth blows self-improvement , personal development and personal growth it it sucks hard . We have a out here , jeff and group with the whole uh core nlu team , and amy sent a Instagram reel . I don't know if you saw it .

Hold on okay when you're and this is what says when you're working your job , while working on your mental health , while working on your relationships , while working on your physical health , while working on your personal goals , while working on your childhood trauma it's fun , it's fun , it's it's fun .

And she sent it because it's obviously sarcastic , because it's not fun at all .

The reason why it's not fun and this is one of the reasons why I know you struggles uh to it's not fun , and this is one of the reasons why I know you struggles to not end up sort of negative is because we've said this before you and I the reason you're not successful , the reason you're not more successful , the reason you're not at the next level , isn't

because you don't believe enough in what you already believe . It's because you have a blind spot or you aren't willing to face a hard truth that you don't want to face . I would rather you say you know what ?

I kind of hate weight training and I don't want to go to the gym because I'm insecure when I'm there around a bunch of people that are jacked , and then face that and then go anyway , then pretend , I just don't like the gym . And that second one is someone who stays stuck and is making an excuse . The first one is just owning it , full ownership .

But the problem is chicken or egg , because if you don't have enough self-belief , you're not going to take full ownership .

You get into a hot tub , hot as shit . Oh yeah , 15 minutes later it's not that bad anymore . Nice , the water doesn't change , the temperature's the same , it might actually be hotter , but you're more acclimated to it and I think everything exposure , therapy , right , same thing but it's being acclimated to your ego and I think I don't know .

I don't know if we give ourselves enough opportunities to do that because one we might know it's going to happen , so we avoid it to . It's a , it's a weapon that you don't know how to use . Yet We've mentioned that before about confidence . Somebody goes I'm as guilty as any human on the planet of this . I go do something I didn't think was possible .

It goes well , and then I'm actually confident and I don't know how to use it . Like I'm , it's like a hose that you don't know how to use . You're just like spraying it everywhere

. It's like oh , this is , I am the man , I'm the man , but I think , I think ego is very similar . Where , when do you use ego ? You use ego , maybe , when you're backed in a corner . You use ego when you feel insecure . You use ego when you're afraid . You use ego when you're embarrassed , when you want to be vulnerable , but you don't know how .

That one that's a very interesting one . I've had friends in the past who I they wanted to be vulnerable , but they , instead of being vulnerable , they just over swung and it was like can you ?

I was I led the charge on that back in the day in my friend group . Saying I love you to my friends , I was I led the charge on that back in the day in my friend group Like I love you , man .

I would say that after I spent time with somebody and I had a friend who the first time I did that was like super weirded out , I was gonna love you , man , give me a hug . He's like dude , get , get off . Dude , come on , what are you , what are you doing ? He loved me . I know that we were tight Over time .

Every time I love you , brother , we'd hug it out , but in the beginning the ego wouldn't allow him to do that , so he just made it weird and funny Like dude , come on , you don't have to tell me you love me , I'm doing it for me son . So why don't you take it easy ? But it's just that it's .

I love you man for anyone you've ever tried to be vulnerable , or if anybody's ever tried to be vulnerable with you and they ego up , it's probably because they're they're not confident enough to be vulnerable and that's like a that's interesting thing I know some people who struggle massively with vulnerability .

Yes , Particularly talking about the global economy and mergers and acquisitions and business and all that kind of stuff . You illuminated that in X Level Live , which was of a lot of value , I think . What would old Kevin have done in that circumstance ?

That it would have been . These guys are arrogant . They think they're , they think they know everything . That it would have been outward , it would have been points , take pain , turn into a weapon and then point it outward , even though it wouldn't . You wouldn't have known , I wouldn't have said anything to you .

There's always a person or two in every speech I've ever given that is doing what you just referred to . There was one at the last speech I gave . I got a message from the professor that said everyone loved your speech . Thank you so much for coming , except for one person . I know who that person was . I could tell .

I could see it in their eyes and instead of sitting there and being open and saying , okay , maybe this person has something to share with me and is sincerely trying to help me , he was just like fuck this dude in his head , like fuck this dude .

Crap One second .

I actually want to know too , because this was wonderful Sarah , sarah , sarah , inner Truth , healing , and she was so clearly like the brightest light , doctor , acupuncture , I mean just , she was fucking awesome and she was gorgeous too , and I can just and again , I want to make this as clear as possible because I now understand Emilia and I are in a very mature

long term relationship . She is the love of my life . She is my future wife . When I say another woman is attractive , I mean it respectfully . There is nothing . I just know that's weird from an outside perspective no , no , no .

And I've been insecure about my looks in the past and I had a mirror moment with a very attractive guy who was a friend of a friend and I had to go cry in the fucking corner honestly .

Um , so I get it , but At the end of the day , I just had this long conversation with her and she's like I feel like you've known me my whole Life , holy crap , and all this stuff . The truth is you just have really high self-belief . You're constantly dialing down . It's so obvious . You want to celebrate me , which I appreciate , but most people don't .

So that's how I know you believe in yourself when you have a lot of belief , and this is one thing that I don't know why we've lost this . Like . If I could teach one thing , and only one thing , it would be self-belief . The whole personal development industry . I've studied it for 10 years and I'm talking every single day , seriously , like deeply .

uses confidence .

If you do not have high internal self-belief , everything looks different .

It worked for me with my mindset and my confidence , and my self-worth and my consistency , and blah , blah , blah . It can't ever work exactly the same .

I like coaching so much more because I can . I can completely customize . I've talked about that a lot , but it all depends on your level of self-belief . I have one client and this is interesting I've been doing this with a lot of clients lately . Sometimes their homework will be certain movies from a certain frame .

Level Nation . We would love to invite you to our 18th round of Next Level Group Coaching . It is the Next Level Podcast Accelerator . If you are a podcaster who wants to level yourself up , level your podcast up and level your business up , this 12-week program is perfect for you .

It comes to less than $25 per session for the 12 sessions . Kevin or I will be on every single one of them . We hope to see you there . All right , so I'm teaching sales to several clients , and sales is nothing more or less and again , I don't . It's actually . It can take a lifetime to master , but it's actually fairly simple .

However , it's complex until you understand it and then it becomes simple . So I know that's a lot .

And so someone else has goals and dreams in the opposite direction of their deepest pains and insecurities , and sales is helping them understand the benefit of your product or service and how it will help them achieve their goals and dreams . So , for example , next Level Podcast Solutions , we have someone who's a podcaster who has no more time .

They're doing all the audio and video editing themselves . They're trying to do more of their thing and they're bogged down . They don't have any extra time and they hire us to do all of that for them . So they buy back their time and now they go generate more revenue with that time and we do what we do best while they do what they do best . That's sales .

That's what you do . That's Kevin's main focus . He's chief sales officer for next level podcast solutions . It's a win-win-win scenario win for the team , win for nlu , win for the client , not necessarily in that order win for the client first . Win for the team second . Win for the owners , third , unfortunately , uh , but fortunately as well .

But the point is is when you don't have self-belief it's so hard to sell things , because when you don't have self-belief you've , you just don't believe that much is possible . Therefore , now , if you have too much self-belief and you're naive , you might buy a ten thousand dollar course , thinking it's going to be something . I was reckless in the beginning .

I mean , I bought every book and I bought every course and I would , and I learned a lot , but a lot of it was what not to do and what not to buy . But the more self-belief you have , the more optimistic you'll be . The more optimistic you are , the more action you'll take .

The more action you take , the more pain and failure you will suffer , but the more you'll learn which which does what gives you more self-belief ? because I'll give you a tiny example . So our furnace just had a problem . I didn't know shit about furnaces , quite frankly , and circuit breakers , youtube videos . Now I get it .

I don't get it fully , but I get it enough to know . Okay , there's an ignition thing , ignition switch , ignition switch .

The guys came today I said I think it's the ignition switch and they're like , yep , that's what . It is . Awesome , I figured it out . Go me , what did you say ? You tell me , watch a youtube video . For I didn't tell him that . No , it was real quick . I had a coaching session , but I kind of get how that whole thing freaking works now at a level three .

Obviously , this is all they do . They knew right away when they came in and if they were to , you know , open this computer , they wouldn't know . So the point that I'm making is self-belief is the accumulated knowledge , experience and reflection of each individual .

But you're not going to go get the knowledge , experience and reflection if you don't believe in yourself . So a lot of people are stuck in this place of I don't believe in myself . Therefore I don't do hard things . Therefore , I don't get the lessons necessary to believe in myself .

Yeah , it really is . Yeah , it's very interesting how your experiences essentially dictate all of the blind spots you have in regards to other people . The higher your self-belief .

So he came back from japan and he reunited with a bunch of his friends from a decade prior and he didn't understand why none of them did what they said they were going to do . And I was like yep makes perfect sense , because he is someone who said he was going to go to japan and then went .

He's someone who said he was going to do m&a , mergers and acquisition . Did it I ? I , if you have high self-belief , you always do what you say you're going to do , like when I said I would do a marathon , I eventually did one . Like when I do a 5k this summer .

That's not going to be a surprise to me or to you , but to people who don't know me that might be like oh , you know , kevin said this to me one time . He said , alan , when you say what you're gonna do , it comes off arrogant . When you say what you've already done , it doesn't . I was like what ?

I said abercrombie model at the time and obviously the abercrombie models back then this is 2006 , 2006 , 2007 , yeah , 2007 ap government class and I remember I said I want to be a abercrombie model when I grow up . And the whole class I mean I'm talking , not good I don't even know if that would happen nowadays .

I don't know why , why I'm so fun to shit on seriously , but the whole class was laughing and making fun of me and all this stuff and Mrs Puckett , my teacher at the time . She pulled me aside after class because she could tell I was really hurt , even though I was probably trying to hide it , and she said you could do it , you're really good looking .

And I remember thinking like , of course I can , I don't like . Well , okay , let me break that down rather than just coming off arrogant . I look like they do in terms of my genetics .

I'm blonde hair , blue eyed , white Caucasian male . I'm going to get in better shape than this . I'm a teeny bopper . I haven't even hit puberty yet , teeny bopper . I haven't even hit puberty yet , teeny bopper . Like I reverse engineered it , that's not gonna be that hard to do from my perspective . But I didn't know .

No one else believes in themselves and I didn't know that that no one else had like dreams that they really intended on I think a piece of it's aligned dreams , because I'm not going to be an abby abercrombie model anytime soon . Well , you can't .

That's not common , that's super rare . That's super rare Most of the shit I wanted to do . I don't know if I actually could have .

I think we're undercover positive where Sneaky positive , sneaky positive .

Right , I'm Irish and German , like you're Scottish , or I'm Scottish too , like , okay , you understand what I'm saying , though we're all different types , we're all different ethnicities . We don't all have the same genetic code . We don't all have the same DNA . We don't all have the same potential . I have a Pomeranian Chihuahua .

No matter how hard he tries and believes in himself and overcomes his limiting beliefs , he's never going to fight a Great Dane and win you know what ?

Not everyone's going to be Michael Phelps , not everyone's going to be LeBron James , not everyone's going to be Kevin Palmieri , not everyone's going to be Alan Lazarus , nor should you . This podcast is built on an idea that you should be the best version of yourself , yourself , your own uniqueness , and to bring to self-belief .

When you start going for things that are impossible for you , it destroys

your self-belief .

I can win at that because of my genetics and I think self-awareness is where self-belief can be built , because when you go for things that are impossible for you , you're going to always feel like shit . Yeah , you're going to always feel like shit .

Alan's got to go work the derg 200 different breeds of dergs , my next level lesson is oh , what a challenging conversation that would be if I had like a father who sat me down and was like dude , I know you want to be an Abercrombie model , but that ain't it , brother , it's like ooh God , you know how tough that would be yeah .

I mean , I don't , it doesn't compute for me .

She passed on many years ago . She said you should be a horse jockey because you're little .

If I was in the NFL , if I had any possibility of being a football player , it would have had to be quarterback or wide receiver , like I'm . I'm tall and lanky , right . No matter how hard Kevin tries , no matter how much he believes in himself , he's not going to be tall and lanky .

So , trust me , I know someone who was in the nfl by accident , like the dude's a freak in the best way . Good for him , right . But we all have gifts and I just want you to find them and maximize them , because that's how the world becomes a better place and that's how you build self-belief .

And everyone , I think , is more capable than we realize if they think short term . If you think short , you are so much more capable long term , mathematically speaking , than maybe you realize right now . And that's my calling , that's my favorite thing is I help people believe in themselves , but accurately .

And the hardest part is when there is delusion to have to put my hand on Kevin's shoulder and say , hey , man .

There's a big difference between sincere honesty to try to help you and someone shitting on you out of a place of ignorance well said , thank you , brother .

I saw everybody doing it and I said , no , that ain't it , that ain't it , I can't do it .

We have the next level podcast accelerator , which is focused on level up yourself , level up your podcast , level your business . And then we have the original group coaching which we're going to have to come up with a name for , which is all personal development .

Second four calls are on level up your podcast , and then the final four are level up your business . So if you're a podcaster who's trying to get to the next level , join With the promo code we can give you . It ends up being less than $25 per call and Alan or myself is on every single one of the calls , along with the amazing Amy Strong work .

right , cool , as always . We love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU , we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .