¶ Intro / Opening
If I had a dollar for every time something went wrong and I sat back and I looked for every excuse in the book I want to blame this , I want to blame that , I don't want to take ownership . And then I just looked at myself and said , well , I think the problem is I just need to get better . I would have a lot more money than I do now , for sure .
This is a recurring theme in Kevin and I's life . This is what it means to be next level , and it's not fun , it's not easy , but pretty much every time you face a roadblock or an obstacle or a challenge , most of the time , the large majority of the time , it's yeah , I just have to get better .
Welcome to Next Level University . I'm your host , Kevin Palmieri , and I'm your co-host , Alan Lazarus . At NLU , we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers .
Our goal with every episode is to help you level relationships , boundaries , consistency , habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket every day , from anywhere , completely free . Welcome to Next Level University , next Level Nation today for episode number 2,000 in 81, . Sometimes the best answer is I need to get better .
So you heard in the preamble my intention . My goal in this episode is how do we make that empowering ?
Because that for most of my life was not the answer , and all we mean by that is , when something goes wrong , it's really easy to look externally , it's really easy to blame other things , it's really easy to make excuses and I'm not saying I don't do that , but usually eventually I get to the place . This is my fucking fault , this is my fault .
And if I was more capable , if I was more consistent , if I was more emotionally sound , this wouldn't have happened in the first place . So that's really what we're talking about . But I also understand that that isn't necessarily the most empowering . How do we make that level of ownership ?
not , I won't say not suck , suck less . I guess I just had a funny scenario play out in my head . Yeah , imagine , kev eight years ago pre-podcast . Something happens , something goes wrong and it's like , ah , that really sucks . I think I'm gonna smoke this weed , hell yeah all the time instead of I'll get better it's , I think I'm just gonna go .
I'll get a hot . It was awesome .
¶ From blame to personal ownership
I a lot of people when I go on podcasts I talk about how my ex left me and and eventually it got to the point where I was like yeah , she was right . And they're like that's really , that's really like big of you , that's like very responsible . I was going . This took like years and this wasn't like the week after this took . This took me a minute .
So I appreciate , I appreciate the credit , but it's what was the week after me ?
just pain oh , my god , what was your story to yourself as to why it wasn't oh ?
I'll just go get better . What was it ? She was crazy . That's what I said . Yeah , she's crazy , it wasn't . Oh , I'll just go get better . What was it ? She was crazy , that's what I said . Yeah , she's crazy , that's what I said . Yeah , yeah , that's what I said . That's it got me through it .
It got me through it and then eventually it was like kev , I don't know . I feel like a lot of what she said was right in retrospect , you know , but you're not always ready for that . Well , that's that's why I want to create a constructive way , because in the moment it's really hard to to do that .
Well . So here's the conundrum . It's easier to say , ah , she's crazy , of course , way easier . You tell yourself a story . It's not accurate , so it's not helpful , but it helps you ease the pain and then you lick your wounds , you go into the next relationship . You know , maybe , maybe there was something to what she was saying .
And then you face a little bit of truth and the amount of growth that you'll experience is predicated on the amount of truth you can handle . The amount of growth that you'll experience is predicated on the amount of truth you can handle , and I think that this is the growth journey . The growth journey . Sorry if I can't talk tonight .
We just got off group coaching and we did a pre-session during session , post-experience review . It's been a long , freaking day . Thank you , listeners , for hanging with us . Okay , growth journey in a nutshell you want to get to the next level , so you have to face a little more truth on this level .
So maybe she's not crazy and maybe some of the stuff she said has some truth . Okay , what truth
¶ Truth, growth, and self-belief
?
Good , what was true . I was depressed , I was anxious and I was not as good a partner as she deserved . Those are facts . But at the time it's like , when you're already down , the last thing you want to do is look at more proof that you should be down further . And I just wasn't . I wasn't prepared .
So I think the goal is to be able to do that quicker and quicker and quicker , and I think that just comes from time . But I also think that comes from self-belief . If you don't think you can change it , you're not gonna own it . Yeah , you can't . It would be detrimental to say like , yeah , you know what ? Oh that that episode was a right piece of shit .
That's my fault , even though I don't think I'm capable of doing a good episode . That's not going to be constructive .
Well , if you don't own all of it . So let's say we do a terrible episode , let's say hypothetically , and if we don't own that , that wasn't great because of us . Now we have no power to change it . We have no power to get better . I said this to you on a team huddle . I said this to the whole team on the team huddle .
I said you guys are all awesome , we're crushing it . I'm so grateful , but none of that really matters because none of that has to change . So thank you so much . 80% of what you guys are doing is un-fucking-believable Way to go . I'm not going to focus on that today because that's already good . This 20% over here is not great .
In order to get to the next level , we have to improve this 20% . And so let's say , you lose a chess match , or you lose a basketball game , or you lose a tennis match . I don't know why I picked tennis . You have to watch it back and see what went wrong so that you can learn .
But , just like speeches that don't go well , you got to watch them , especially the ones that suck the most . It especially the ones that suck the most . It's the experiences that suck the most that we least want to look at , but that's where most of the gold is buried . The gold is buried where you least want to dig .
¶ Finding gold in tough moments
I had a thought . I was on a podcast the other day . It was a really good one and it was the . The person was like you're very , you're very humble for your level of success . It's like , first of all , I'm not that successful , so but thank you , I appreciate it . I think you think I'm way more successful than I actually am .
I'll take that , I appreciate that and I said honestly I I don't know if I've all I haven't always been this way I definitely are actually really successful . Statistically speaking . Yeah , actually really successful statistically speaking , yeah , but I'm now I'm on your end where it's like , yeah , I'm kind of a loser , though I want to be .
I want to be more successful , ready top one percent loser , but either way , let's be more successful . Yeah , exactly , I said honestly , I don't feel like I deserve to be any more successful than I am . I'm exactly as successful as I should be , based on the amount of effort I've put in , and I think that's essentially what we're talking about here .
I'm just , I just need to get better . I'm not as good as I need to be yet , not maybe not necessarily in the things that you see . Maybe you think I'm good at podcasting Awesome , I appreciate that but there's some stuff behind the scenes that I have to get way better at . My organization has come way up way up .
I way up , I have some shit on my desk . For sure my desk is not as clean as yours , but trust me , it is 90% better than it used to be . Nice , that 10% , though , that's a that's a big 10% and there's a lot that's going to change over that . 10% Levels , man . There are levels , but I everything has levels .
If , if you're out there right now , if you have this I live near an airport these planes , man , I swear . Sometimes they fly . I've had times where I thought the plane was going to fly into the side of the house Because the airport is literally like two streets over . It's wild .
¶ Do you deserve more success?
Gently , ask yourself this question , because I don't know what's going to come up . Do you think you deserve to be more successful than you are ? If so , why ? If not , why not ? I think that's a really good place to start self-awareness because , again , there's some people out there that might have super low self-worth and you could be like super deserving .
You've done the work , you've worked on yourself , you're putting it out there , you're growing and you just don't feel good . That's an internal thing , and there's people out there that you don't really . You're most likely not listening to this podcast , but if you are , sit with me .
You're not really working that hard and you're wondering why you're not more successful than everybody around you . It's like they're working harder than you are , so you don't deserve to be more successful than them . That's a bad place to be , so I don't .
This is always a hard topic because it depends on where you are , but what is your relationship with what you've accomplished ?
well , let's give some of the stuff , let's give some of the goods of what ? So 2000 and what episode is this ? 2070 ? 2081 yeah so eight year journey , eight year journey . Most of the time when Kevin and I go back to the drawing board it's okay , we're not good enough yet and we don't mean good enough intrinsically .
We mean good enough for that level of success . So it's so obvious in hindsight . It's not as obvious in foresight . So in hindsight , you weren't remember when I used to tell you you're not that organized . I think I knew that . But I used to tell you you need to be more organized this is how I broke it down . I said my man kev .
There's this personality test called hexico this is how to sell kev , something this is personality test called hexico .
¶ Personality traits that matter most
It tests you on 26 facets of your personality and the most correlated with business success . You and I , we have a business together . We do . I didn't actually talk like this . Uh , the most statistically correlated with business success is is conscientiousness , and we all have a certain level of conscientiousness . It's like a scale from zero to 10 .
So think of someone who's a mess and never organized , and their car isn't clean , their house isn't clean , they're just kind of all over the place . That's someone who has a low score on conscientiousness .
Maybe they're very creative , but they have a low conscientiousness score and therefore they should not start a business unless they have someone in their corner who is very conscientious . Conscientiousness in Hexaco , which stands for humility , extroversion , introversion . All this different stuff tests you on your personality . So it breaks down into four sub-facets .
Now you can see why it's so hard to convince anyone of anything . The four sub-facets are diligence , which is hard work you got that , kev . Good to go . Hard worker . Check Green , baby , green , yellow , red , green . Prudence , that's uh , what's that ? It's the ability to make a great , long-term , rational choice .
Strong , it's the strong to semi-strong depending on whether or not you chat GPT All right . So there's prudence , diligence , hard work and intelligent decision-making , long-term strategic thinking . And then there's organization , oof Kev . We want to build a successful company together , kev going to need you to button up , man .
Yeah .
Love you , right ? So here's how you influence Kev . You want a successful business , right , yeah , okay , the science shows , right , okay . And then the fourth one is what perfectionism ? It means ? You're being very thorough and thoughtful . So six sigma three defects per million transactions .
So , kev , if you send three million emails , you can only have three spelling errors . Are you game ?
I feel like I'm pretty good at spelling , so that's good yeah better than me , probably .
I would say I'm not that strong of a speller . You did win a spelling bee .
Second place , second way back look there , there and there got me he's . He's over there by the tree . It was like me he's .
He's over there by the tree . It was like t-h-e-i-r , no , t-h-e-r-e . Dumb rookie mistake , dumb amateur hour , amateur hour . I had it all right .
¶ Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:
Hello , hello , hello . Nlu listener , thank you , as always , for listening to next level university real quick . I just want to jump in and let you know about the next level dreamliner . This is a journal that I use every single day . Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time . It breaks down your dreams into goals , milestones and daily habits .
We hope you enjoy it . The link will be in the show notes . In hindsight , what is it obvious that you needed to improve to get to even this level is it obvious that you needed to improve to get to even this level organization ?
for sure , one of the things I really really needed to improve is when I'm really good at getting a result , I'm not always good at following up . I'm not always doing good at doing the next action after the result . So , like I don't know what a good example is , like I would say , hey , email me if you need help with this .
Somebody would email me and it would take me a week to get back . That not good . That's not good . You can't do that . I always love your face whenever you can't do that .
Whenever you own stuff like that , it's the funniest face .
You make a very specific face whenever you're because I laugh , I laugh through the pain . That for sure , being on time , I was always good at being organized . I was never . I was never really good at , but I'm telling you , if you saw my desk , I got some stuff on here . I have like one pile of stuff .
It's very small , and then the rest of my desk is clean as a whistle . I still have the bag of the box of pasta on my desk . That'll be bag of weed . No , no , no , real quick yeah .
Give me the top three .
¶ What we had to level up
Alan is really riding me on time lately . For the first eight years I tried to get off here on time and lately he's like dude , just so you know . I got a hard stop at eight . I hate to be that guy .
It's called a hard out A hard out , a hard out at eight . In the military they call it a hard out . We got to crank in five minutes nine seconds . No . So let me actually unpack that for a second . I've been working too fucking late . Yeah , yeah , it's fair . And if I work late , I go to bed late . If I go to bed late , I wake up late .
If I wake up late , I can't first world problems . I'm very , very grateful for where we've ended up , but if I want to get to the next level as the CEO and as a coach and a trainer and a podcaster trust me , I got to keep this streak . So far I'm nine days in a row cutting . I call it closing the store Closing the store by 8 o'clock .
Now , mind you , hey , hold on , I have a 10-minute buffer .
Okay , now tonight , mind you . Hey , hold on , I have a 10 minute buffer . Okay , I do have a 10 minute buffer , so I'm closing the store in four minutes and 28 seconds here . I gotta get my butt downstairs . 10 minute buffer . You're gonna z out the register , you know it . So let's each give our top three things that we sucked at that needed .
Quite frankly , I always say this . I said this earlier to a client . If you're out there listening , you know who . I said the science of achievement doesn't give a shit about your feelings . I do . I want to see you win . I understand if you're insecure , that's , you know . It is what it is . The science of achievement doesn't care . Your goals do not care .
So you either , do it . This is the system of success . This is what I know will work , statistically speaking . We got to do it . So now we got to work on the inner stuff to figure out what we're doing . So for you , kev , what are the three things that you had to level up in order to get to this level ?
mouth , your mouth , your throat , mouth's making noises over there , please , I burped one should I do health , wealth and love all business I think you do the success ones , the success ones , whatever's truthful for you , whatever the three top ones are organization for sure , I was wildly disorganized .
It's about it . Everything else was fucking dialed in . I'll give one . In relationships For a long time I would say if I was in this person's position , this is how I would feel . That's stupid . I'm not in that person's position . Like I'm not in my wife's position . Is what she is thinking more emotional than the way I would think it ?
Yes , but I also know that about her . So that's on me . It's not like oh , you should think more like me . That's not the case . That's not the reason this happened .
So that , like , really understanding somebody else's perspective and instead of excusing my behavior because of the way they think , owning like , oh yeah , you know , you're right , I know that about you . That would be another one for sure .
And then because then otherwise she has to change right . There's a big difference between she could improve for sure versus changing who she is . Yeah , and if she feels like she has to change who she is , that's not like if this is something I fell in love with and now I'm like , well , that's not the way .
I think , politely , kev , politely , kev , you get , you get fucked politely . And then one more , uh , let's see , I I think I subconsciously was afraid to overwhelm myself , so I would . I would always have my foot like if I do way more of that , I'm gonna be super overwhelmed and I don't think it's gonna be good . I've kind of gotten rid of that completely .
That's , that's gone , that's nice yeah , and not , and not too , though no , but it's good for success too , because usually innovation comes after pressure I I told Alan I was like , hey , potentially big opportunity , but it's a lot , it's going to be a lot Kev's going to be doing it himself .
¶ Scaling, pressure, and mindset shifts
Proud of you man , I always say Kev can start like a champion . The dude can't scale a fucking thing .
No , that's not my jam .
That's not my jam , it's good , you start it , I'll scale it . It's a good team man we're a good team .
All right , what are your three ? I am being playful , by the way .
Yeah , all right . So , number one I needed to be more discerning with people . I had such a hard time . I wanted to save everybody . I wanted to desperately to see everybody succeed , and there was no way . That was arrogant and ignorant . And there's no way . There's no way , especially so now .
My new rule is if you have high humility , high work ethic and you're into personal development , I will help you . If you do not have those three things , we're not going to get along anyway . It's not going to be good for you or for me . So , number one I was not discerning with people . Number two what did I have to get better at ?
I had to get much better at what I pay attention to . I had to get really , really clear on what I allow into my mind and what I don't , because , as the CEO of this company , there's so many fucking distractions , there's so much coming at you . I have an alarming amount of messages right now and I'm grateful , I'm genuinely grateful .
That is a great problem to have , it's a great challenge to have , but I had to get really discerning with what I did and didn't pay attention to , and make sure that I do not fall down any rabbit holes , and the last one would be I don't particularly think I was a bad leader , but I definitely wasn't a great one yet , and I didn't understand what was unique
to me and what was other people's experiences to your point , and I was unconsciously and unintentionally not understanding the level someone else was at and what would get them to their next level , because I didn't understand what level I was actually at .
And so an example of that would be if I've worked out for a decade and you haven't worked out at all and we go to the gym together and I overwhelm you without knowing it and then simultaneously you're insecure about it , so you try not to seem overwhelmed and I don't pick up on that , so then it hurts .
It hurts our relationship , and which goes back to number one of not being more discerning .
Is that all , that's it . You were staring at me feverishly while getting ready to cough , so I wasn't sure if that was like yo , I'm going to cough and then I want to finish , or you were just done .
No , it's been a long day . My throat sometimes as a speaker . Sometimes you just have to power through it and that's what I'm doing right now .
Have you ever tried the old throat coat ? I think that's what it's called Tea .
I know the client shouted to fill it , Send it on over man .
I won't , because I don't know where it is or how to get it , but throat coat tea , evidently , is like I don't know if it has honey in it , but it's good for your throat .
I appreciate it , man , I need it's sometimes every now and then my throat has trouble , so thank you for uh dealing with that . Listeners and viewers , Thank you for being on this next level journey . Journey with us . It's been real .
Now . We'll be back tomorrow . I'm just , I'm just , we will be back tomorrow . If you are looking to level up your journaling , next level , dream ladder on Amazon , it can get shipped right to your house Hard copy , soft copy , Amazon it can get shipped right to your house hard copy , soft copy all that it takes like five minutes a day .
So if you want to do something sustainable , we are big fans of it . Everybody on the team is doing it . A lot of people have bought them , so thank you to those who have . Hopefully it's been fruitful for you .
But the link will be in the show notes and for any business owners out there who want to level up their business as well as themselves , business Growth University has three episodes . Every episode is one brick in the structure to build momentum . And check that out , the link will be in the show notes .
The first three the first one's on branding , marketing , sales , client delivery and community , and then the first . The next two are going deeper into the first two . So branding and marketing , in other words , the first six are going to go through the entire sales no , not sales star business growth star that Kevin and I created to build NLU .
We'll have the link in the show notes for that as well
¶ Outro
. As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .
Keep it next level , next level nation you all tomorrow .
Keep it Next Level , next Level Nation . Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next .
Level University . We love connecting with the Next Level family . We mean it when we say family . If you ever need anything , please reach out to us directly . Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes .
Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow .