3 Questions To Ask To Build More Humility (2033)

It's about thinking of yourself less , and I think it's one of those things where you just have to understand where your overall importance in the grand scheme of things is , and that can be really hard at times especially if you're somebody who has low self-belief .

Now , one of the most important character traits and I never would have said this in my early 20s or any of that , because I didn't understand the value of it to the extent that I do now humility , an accurate view of one's own importance .

You were close , I thought you're . You know , occasionally we walk that line where it's like this could go horribly wrong or it could , it could go correctly . I was on a podcast today and we were talking about a great , great podcast . He what are some of the common themes or attributes from people that have been successful that you have coached ?

Like , what made the biggest difference when you coach someone ? And I said humility , by far and above , is the number one thing , a hundred percent . And then we kind of went down that rabbit hole and he said you might not have an answer to this , how do you build humility ?

And I was like , oh man , also , you sound extremely arrogant when you're talking about how to build humility . I understand it's hard to say like , seriously .

I think that's super important , but I think at the end of the day , it's just the understanding that you're not that big of a deal all things considered , and not everything and , honestly , most things aren't about you , but we think they're about us because we're seeing things from our perspective . And I gave some other tips and stuff and awareness , I guess

. But , when I was thinking about what episode to do today , I thought that we should talk about humility , because I don't know if we've ever really talked about how to actually build it based on our awareness and studies , I guess , and experiences . And I think there's three questions that you can ask yourself that are super powerful .

One what am I wrong about ? So somebody who is humble wants the actual answer . They don't necessarily just want to be correct , and one of the best questions for that is what am I wrong about ? Second one is where do my beliefs come from ?

So if I have a certain belief about something , it's not very humble of me to assume it is the way if I don't know where that belief came from originally . And then I like this one what can I learn from others ? Today ? Again , it's very humble to ask people not even ask to absorb lessons from other people . Here is the preface , before we get too deep .

There is a fine line between humility and self-deprecation . So if you are somebody who is struggling with self-belief and self-worth , I might ask yourself these questions less than somebody who has high self-belief , because if you feel like you're wrong about everything , I don't know that . The first place I would start is building humility .

I would probably start building self-belief . Maybe that's a deeper conversation , but that's my thought .

And some people would swing the pendulum the other way , who used to be really humble or seem humble from the outside looking in , and then once they achieved things , it would go to their head very quickly and I know you've been guilty of that as well , I certainly have as well but quickly , and I know you've been guilty of that as well .

I certainly have as well . But people who I thought were really humble actually just didn't believe in themselves . And then , once they achieve things , sometimes they lose what I thought was humility and when in reality it might have been just self-deprecation or whatever , or just not believing in yourself . So at NLU we have three core values the company core values .

I'm on the NLU team dashboard right now and on our mission tab . We have three core values . Number one is growth a deep belief in self-improvement , personal development and being the best version of yourself . Number two is impact a deep belief in helping others reach their potential to achieve their goals and dreams .

And number three is humility A deep belief in working hard to earn what you achieve without entitlement . I have been wondering . You don't understand something until you understand the opposite . That's kind of a belief that I have . So what is the opposite of humility ? I think it's entitlement . I think the opposite of humility is I deserve by default .

And I think that there's something I've said in the past called spoiled brat syndrome , and I do believe that in the early days when my stepdad was doing very well economically , we I think that I'll never forget this story we were with some friends and friends of friends , and there's a Three friends of mine that were all part of a friend family .

I've said friend 18 times . My mom and stepdad had a couple that they hung out with and that couple had three boys and those boys were like brothers to me at the time .

And I'll never forget when we all went to go buy dirt bikes and four wheelers and stuff and I remember sitting there observing them and I had this really visceral moment of wow , they're really fucking spoiled . They were like angry that they couldn't get all of them . They had to like pick only two four wheelers out of the five or whatever . I want that .

And I remember thinking , wow , you guys are really fucking spoiled . Now again , this is sort of after my stepdad left . He took a lot of the income with him and my life became very different . Very quickly . My mom traded in her BMW for a little Honda Civic .

So I went from having a lot to having very little in a very short amount of time , and so I think that created character and humility , and I'm actually grateful for it in hindsight , because when you have everything stripped from you from a young age not only friends and family and extended family , but like money you learn the value of things .

Emilia and I were talking last night and we were saying I'm so grateful the furnace went out because it gave us perspective how cold it was when we woke up yesterday . I'm so grateful for heat now because now it's exactly 70 degrees , we have a smart thermostat that I can talk to and just have it be perfect all the time for me .

I like suffering because it gives you perspective and I think suffering gives you humility I agree .

Taryn got abducted and if you don't hit a certain amount of reps she doesn't come home . I had to use that more today than in a normal workout and it was just . It was just brutal .

But there was a little piece of me . It was like this is good , this is , this is building character , this is now . Again , I'm not saying you have to have that same experience , but I think it's , it's humble to to have a struggle and then say I'm gonna work through this struggle instead of avoiding it . I think that's a very humble .

I think that builds humility . But this is the thing . I think it's really hard to talk about humility , because I am in a similar boat where I would know someone who just didn't believe in themselves and it was self-deprecation that they were practicing . It wasn't humility , because I think you have to have a certain level of confidence , to have humility .

So I think , confidence has to come first .

If I have level 10 self-belief and only level 8 humility , I'm going to come off as level 2 arrogant and I didn't realize that I have to have humility built in the opposite direction of my self-belief , otherwise I won't be centered . We were with someone yesterday , quinton . We talked about him on the last episode . He interviewed you and I .

He's very centered , he's very , very high self-belief , but he didn't come off arrogant because because he has built humility in the other direction , because he has built humility in the other direction and he just lived in Japan for a decade and Japan has a very subservient culture , from what I've heard .

Again , I don't know , I've not lived there , but I've just Emilia's dad was just there I've been picking the brains of a lot of people . I've always been curious about Japan . To be honest , just that culture is fascinating to me . But at the end of the day , humility is not put yourself down . It's an accurate view of one's own value . No , you're not .

You know the best shit since sliced bread , but you're also not nothing . And the other piece of humility too , and this is something that I struggle with constantly . I said this to a client not two days ago . I said what you don't know is limitless . What you do know is very limited . And she said well , how do you know so much ?

And I said just have data points . I said picture , picture a human being . I drew little stick figures . Of course she's shorter than me , so I drew a little stick figure of her . I said picture a cloud above my head with a lot of data points , facts . So gravity is 9.8 meters per second squared . Every action has an equal and opposite reaction .

Just data , just accurate data , little facts . Knowledge I I said deeper understanding is a connections , the connections of that knowledge and the more data points you have that are accurate . 195 countries you know , 40 million people in Canada , 345 in the US , only 27 million in Australia .

Different economies the more statistics you have , the more data points you have in the thought bubble have . The more data points you have in the thought bubble and the more data points you have in the thought bubble , the more you can connect the dots .

So when I said there's 200 species of dog , I have someone who is a dog and cat expert who has way more data points about dogs and cats than I do , so therefore she has a far deeper understanding .

So to one person it's just a dog , to someone else it's a dog who's a Pomeranian Chihuahua , who's 12 pounds , who has an intestinal blockage or whatever , and Tucker is fine , that's . I'm just saying this stuff . So I go to her when we have a problem with our dog because I don't know shit right , or I look it up or whatever .

That's what knowledge and experience can do , plus reflection , creates wisdom and understanding . Understanding , and that's why I think deeper understanding is the most important thing . But back to humility what you don't know is limitless .

I can spend the rest of my life learning and still know nothing compared to what there is to know , and this is what I said to her .

I said , however , I've had to realize as I've gotten older , at 36 , that the compound effect of my accumulated knowledge and experience and reflection over time , I actually do know a lot compared to other people , and that's been , and that doesn't sound humble , but that is the truth , because over the years I've started to realize like , oh so you like don't really

know much , but when in reality it's actually I know a lot apparently ,

but it's hard for me to think that because when I wake up in the morning I feel like a fucking idiot .

Whether or not we recognize humility in somebody else is based on our expectation of how they should act , based on what their results are .

love to invite you to our 18th round of Next Level Group Coaching . It is the Next Level Podcast Accelerator . If you are a podcaster who wants to level yourself up , level your podcast up and level your business up , this 12-week program is perfect for you .

It comes to less than $25 per session for the 12 sessions . Kevin or I will be on every single one of them . We hope to see you there . I have a story you've heard before Kev , where we were at the beach . This is the story I was thinking of , for sure it's so powerful because I just didn't get it back then .

And now it's so clear and at the time I was pissed about it , to be honest with you , because these two people out .

So I was with two friends and we were at the beach living the dream and we ran into someone who was on the Colts in the NFL and he was a bench player , so he wasn't like a world class , you know , within the NFL , but the percentage of people that get to the NFL is 1% of 1% , of 1% , right .

So it's a big deal for them and I don't care about football , but they do a lot , my friends . So when my friends met this person , what happened is when we were on the car ride home . I'll never forget it . They're like oh , that guy , he was so humble and I was sitting there going on . What fucking planet was that dingus humble ?

He was a fucking asshole , if anything . To be completely honest with you . Oh , you guys think that you'd be more cocky if you were in the NFL , if anything . He's actually too cocky to be successful in the NFL , to be completely honest , because he thinks he's the man , but in the NFL he's not for sure . And so there's levels . There's just levels .

It's easy to be a big fish in a small pond and that's what he was . And I remember thinking I was really really , really smart in math and science and awards and high school straight A's , blah , blah , blah . And then I got to WPI and it was , oh okay , yeah Okay .

So everyone who's you know , there's not a person at this school who didn't get a math award , you know . So it's a different game . But again , there's levels , and so the big fish , small pond thing is really dangerous .

If you're somebody who's locked in a fairly , a fairly accurate level of self-belief and you feel good about your self-belief , it's time to look at the losses , because that's how you build humility .

So what you take from other people , you have to find a way to absorb and keep within yourself , because you spend more time with you than anybody else .

Because I'm in , I have a small , so I'm I'm living in the northern part of the town I grew up in , and I think there's a big difference between living in your town , which was totally by accident Emilia and I we bought a condo that's in the northern part of the town , which is a gorgeous spot to live . I'm so freaking grateful .

But , like there's a big difference between being a townie and then living in your town . And I go to a small gym in a small town , right , and if I'm not careful , it can really get to my head because I'm in the best shape there .

But I need to override that and say , alan , compare versus your best , because your best would wipe the fucking walls with you . It's important , but I also have enough self-belief to be able to do that right .

So it all depends on you versus you and , unfortunately , if you do compare to the social world , if you're on social media , you're going to compare all the top 1% to you and that can be detrimental . If you're in the real world , you're on social media , you're going to compare all the top one percent to you and that can be detrimental .

If you're in the real world , you might think you're the man when you're actually just in a small town , or the one , yeah it's very , yeah , it's very interesting .

Please , please , take it on . Thank you , yeah , I this morning . I was definitely . I was definitely in the best shape of anybody in the gym this morning , for sure , but it I'm not where I want to be . I think that's all it is .

There's always a measure of where you are versus where you want to be . I'm not where I want to be , so it doesn't matter . But you never will be . Yeah , but I , I will be like if there's a specific goal I want to get to a certain weight , I get there .

So we're trying to climb to the next level , next level , next level .

Yeah , of course , that's the hardest part about goals , even though you're not , I know this wasn't the point , but I was thinking about this earlier , the moment you set a goal your whole life gets harder . Let me explain .

The moment you set a goal I was just on a call right before this , with a client and she has some new things in her life happening , shout out to you . If you're listening , you know what I'm talking about . Everything has to change . Now she has a new goal and we went and revamped everything , and it's the moment . This is why goals blow .

The moment you set a goal with a future end date , everything you do and don't do has to reorient based on that , and you can't have a high goal without a high standard . So this is the formula Increased self-belief leads to a higher goal . Higher goal leads to a higher standard . Higher standard leads to frustration in the moment .

Emilia and I , we just shifted from fitness , food and family in the evening to we're doing our workouts in the morning . Today was the first one and we talked about it last night , because we walked last night for our exercise and then worked out first thing in the morning the next day . And I said the first day is going to blow .

It's going to be people , tons of people , rush hour

traffic . It's going to be a new situation . You and I are going to have to rush to our first session . It's going to be terrible . We have to prepare ourselves for this to be fucking terrible . I left the goddamn garage door open because we were just off right . I went to the gym every day . I didn't go to the gym .

I exercised every day for three years in the evening . Now , all of a sudden , we're doing the morning every day for three years in the evening . Now , all of a sudden , we're doing the morning . Today has gone off the rails because everything has to pivot .

Now that we have a new standard and I do I get why goals are so brutal for people , because the moment you set a new goal , everything in the present moment has to reorient quite a bit .

Goals are hard , and if your goal is to be more humble , that's like a whole , that's a whole thing I think if your goal is to be more humble , set a higher goal I would say , unless you don't have super high self-belief , and you're gonna focus on that first exactly , I don't know if you can have humility without self-belief I mean this .

That , yeah , I like experiences like that , like big time experiences where it's like , oh okay , that changed the way I look at everything , even though it doesn't matter at all , but it also does matter more than anything . I like stuff like that .

Alan and I are on , alan or I are on every single one of those calls and it ends up being like 25 bucks a call . I can guarantee you're not going to get any better value on the planet from a perspective of coaching , podcast coaching and business coaching . So link will be in the show notes for that

. As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you and NLU . We don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow . Stay Next Level , humble . Next Level Nation . Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University . We love connecting with the Next .