¶ Intro / Opening
Next Level Nation . Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University , where we help you level up your life , your love , your health and your wealth . We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode , episode number 1637 . Sometimes we are the problem . Today for episode number 1638 , one type of person to avoid .
Please shout out to Facebook , where they have the option to mute somebody , but stay friends with them . I don't know if you've used that , and I don't mean this in a negative way .
This is not a judgment , but there have been many people who I've done that with and if you're whether you're watching or listening I'm sure you have somebody in mind when I say this . It will ping and you'll say , oh , I have somebody like that .
I can think of the type of person that , no matter what , is always complaining about something , no matter what there's something going on in their life , no matter what , there is just drama that surrounds them . That is the one type of person we need to avoid , because I don't know if anything sucks energy like drama does .
I put a quote up one time back in the day if some people spent as much time working on themselves , bettering their lives , studying , focusing , learning , meditating , whatever if they spent as much time doing that stuff as they spent complaining on Facebook . They probably wouldn't have nearly as much to complain about on Facebook , but we have that too pretty good .
It did really well , did it ? Yeah , it did really well , because I think people understand . Yeah , no , that's true , because , again , even if we reference the previous episode , I'm sure I've done that in the past .
I did one that didn't get as much love . Yeah , well , you're different , but it's not just that brother , mine was a little , a little hardcore . I think it was phrased in a way that should have been better . It was something along the lines of , if
¶ Avoiding drama and negative energy
I think it was near the Super Bowl or something , and don't do this , because people love football .
Don't do this . Yeah , yeah , yeah , it's a big mistake .
It's in the lines of if people spent as much time and effort studying their own life as they have studying all the statistics in football , they would be in a much better position or they'd have a bigger , better , brighter future , something like that . But it didn't . I got called out as a hater .
Well , maybe you were .
Which I do think . What did you say ? You are a hater of .
Not a hater , but you don't like football .
I don't like football , but I do think I do . I always have felt that way is if you spend as much time on your own career as studying these careers . I just feel like you'd be better off and the world would be a better place . Thank you , it is fair .
It's fair , yeah .
But there are certain things that will not resonate , and I think it's I've matured and some of the things I post on Facebook are very different than they used to be .
If you said to me , kev , in the six hours you're going to spend watching UFC , you could better yourself . I would tell you to get effed . Probably I'd say you to come to . Don't you dare come at me with that .
Well , I do . That's what I meant by emotional maturity is I think I understand now that some people really , really love that thing , and that's okay . Now , it doesn't change the fact that it would probably be true ?
100% . Yeah , there's definitely a better use of time for me than watching UFC , but better use depending on what your . Is there a better use of R&R time ? Yes , if I'm watching UFC with Tarant , is there a better way to make money than watching UFC ? Absolutely , of course there is . Is there a better way to learn more ? Yes , 100% .
So yeah , I guess it depends on what the value is that it's meeting , but I would agree with you .
Well , I think underneath it I know this isn't the point of the episode , so we'll get to that in a second , but underneath it I now understand it's a projection of standards .
Yeah , yeah .
It's should , everyone should XYZ . It's unconsciously that and it's certainly perceived that way .
That isn't necessarily what my point was , so a more emotionally mature way to say that would be I do feel as though if we spend as much time focused on our own careers as we do following people magazine or the careers of others , I think we'd all be better off See how much more mature that is , even though it's saying the same thing .
I think that's One of them is more of an attack and the other one is much more of a truthful , holistically well-rounded statement .
I respect it . Anyways , a little side tension . I think sometimes , when you hear something that offends you , it's because , it's true , Not always , sometimes it's like that's dumb , but I think oftentimes you hear something and it offends you and it's most likely , there's something to learn every time you're triggered . I would say so . I would say so .
Yeah , I would say so . I would say so . Okay , okay , okay , okay , okay , okay , okay , okay , okay , okay . There was a Person how do I keep this as anonymous , as humanly possible ? There was a person that I knew , that I had spent time with in the past . This was a friend of mine at one point and Recently I had to mute them on Facebook .
I couldn't do it . Every time there was a post it was just negativity and drama and negativity and drama . And again , when I was young , I'm sure I know I did that , I won't even say I'm sure I know I did that . Yeah because I was looking for a significance .
Yep , I was looking for someone to say , no , kev , you're amazing , or no , things are gonna get better , or whatever it is . And if that's why you're doing it , I Understand and I empathize , but that's probably not going to be the fix .
The fix is not gonna come from that and again , statistically , what we've seen is that just isn't our audience , the humans who watch this on YouTube or listen to this on whatever podcast platform you listen to it on usually this isn't you . Usually we tend to be the people who Want to help and save and pour into those people at our own detriment .
So this is what I this is what I said to Alan . I said I think one of the reasons drama is so challenging to
¶ Emotional maturity: Seeking for significance
work around , work through overcome , is because I think the people who love drama are just addicted to the attention that they get from it . But if you have someone who trouble is always following them they always have weird things that happen to them it's probably because they are very attached to drama .
Unfortunately , and I don't know anything more stressful , I had a . I had a partner in the past . I had a partner in the past and when we first met , there was a ton of drama going on in their life and I was like , oh , bad luck , I think they're they got into like a fist fight with their best friend or something .
And I was like , ah , that happens , that happens . I used to fight my friends all the time when I was younger , like that's fine , no biggie . Then it was Something about roommates , like the roommates were the worst and it's like , oh yeah , no understandable , roommates suck .
Yeah .
I can imagine . I can imagine . And then it was . Eventually it was something else and then we ended up having to go to housing court because the people that we lived with we like broke Our lease , and it was just so much drama . It was brutal . Imagine me going to court . You know how nervous I was .
I had to go to housing court and I was thinking to myself I , I know what's gonna happen . That was over my head for like months , but it was . It was just drama . It was always . It was always drama .
There only seems to be one common denominator in this math equation .
All right , Well the drama went away after that relationship ceased to exist .
Yeah .
I don't know if the drama went away in that person's life . I'm willing to bet it probably didn't .
Probably not now . Can we ? Can we talk about why you think that ? Yes , because I think unconsciously some of us are attracting .
Well , we don't want . I think all of us are . I would agree . I would agree . I think some of it's energetic . I think that If you are somebody who is very confident but you have low self-worth , I don't think you filter out people that you should , and I think people that love drama somehow get through and then it becomes this thing . That's what I've known .
This person had very high self-belief , very Low self-worth , but pretended to have high self-worth .
Yeah , yeah so so what's happening there ? To try to Do an analysis on this , this person has high confidence but low self-worth . So they Maybe have gotten to a certain level of personal development that is far beyond their peers , and Maybe they've grown a lot , matured a lot , I don't know .
But they're essentially not filtering out people that get triggered by their confidence . So , for example , if you're super 10 out of 10 confident but have low self-worth , you will be surrounded by people who are triggered by your confidence and the way they react to that will be drama . The way they react to that trigger will be drama .
Let me give a practical example . It's always a practical example .
I'm going to give you a practical example .
Whenever you say something that's very layered in my head , I always say he needs to give an example .
And then I do it and then I don't give an example . Yeah , why don't you just throw me ? Just say hey , kev , you give us an example . I usually do . I often do , professor Allen takes out his stick and goes over the whiteboard and says let me draw this out for you .
I wish we had a whiteboard on this thing . We used to . That's why we weren't doing . Well , I'm good , so
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I often do say hey , kev , can you give us an example ? You'll notice that now , unfortunately . Yeah .
So an example of that and this definitely happened in my life too which is you surround yourself with people who are triggered by the way you talk , the way you are , and that if that trigger creates a trauma response , and that trauma response is fight , then you're going to have a lot of fights .
It sounds like that person had a lot of fights in their life . Yeah , it's super interesting . One more thing that I want to share is emotional immaturity . I had very , very high professional development but low emotional maturity , so that was also a recipe for drama and I didn't know that . I mean , you don't know , I wasn't .
Oh , I think I'm emotionally immature , like I didn't even know what that was , you know . So we all have an emotional age . I had a client reach out to me yesterday . She sent me a bunch of audios and she said she teaches a dance class and she said that the it was so cool to hear her say this .
She said there's a , there's a child in the class who is 12 , but her emotional age is probably like seven . I was like , ah , cool , you're doing that , you're parsing that out . I asked Emilia what she thinks my emotional age is . She thinks intellectual age is like 87 .
My emotional age , she thinks , is probably like late twenties , early thirties , but that's fair 13 years . Kevin . What's Kevin's emotional age ? I'd say about six and a half Six , and a half years of age ?
No , no , definitely not . I would say as far as I just want my juice and my goldfish snack , you know it .
Goldfish and juice . But and I know that a lot of listeners will resonate with this I think that , traditionally speaking , statistically speaking , I think women tend to have a higher emotional age than men , and I will say that , I'm just going to say it , and most women do know that .
So that's fair , and I think the reason we've talked about this in the past is journaling , self-reflection . It's okay to not be okay .
Intuition .
Intuition , yeah . So , whereas the whole rub some dirt in it , never let them see you sweat . You know you're just supposed to be stoic and perfect all the time and never , ever be vulnerable ever . Otherwise , you're not a man type of thing . So a lot of this is cultural . Some of it might be biological , I don't know , I'm not . I'm not claiming any of that .
What I will say , though , is it's very cool to parse out Someone's intellectual age and someone's emotional age . I have some people that have a lot of the , the drama stuff that you're talking about . It comes down to emotionally maturity usually .
Not always , but usually and honestly , a lot of the time when , back in my day , back in my day , back in the day when I had A lot of drama in my life , it was a lot of emotional maturity and I was surrounding myself with other emotionally mature people .
Yeah .
I mean on the team , even NLU team right now that the emotional maturity of the team is very high . It's extremely high . So there's very little drama . We have a little bit . We do . We have a little bit , but not much . It's very minimal .
And I think that there's a direct correlation between emotional maturity Handling your emotions with grace , understanding your emotions and your triggers , understanding trauma responses , not overreacting . Responding versus reacting . That's what emotional intelligence and emotional maturity is about .
You and I , in the beginning we were way more emotionally mature and you just went and listened to some old episodes . I'm sure you can tell .
Oh , I listened episode number 40 , where we went to New Jersey with Bella and we went to see the one and only Eric . You did not . Yeah , I try to go as far back as I could how was that ?
tell us , tell us the things . Tell me .
No , it's brutally . Yeah , it's just . There was just a yeah , we were just rougher around the edges . There was ego . It wasn't .
¶ Emotional mastery
I wanted to add value , but I didn't believe I could add value , so I just used my ego to use to make noise . I think it's probably the best way to put it . I wanted to add value , I wanted to for things to be Valuable . I wanted people to learn stuff , but I don't know if I knew that much . It was pure intentions , but just yeah , yeah , the .
The execution was flawed from the emotional maturity standpoint , so I still think .
I still think we were above the curve . I'm not , I don't want to pump our own tires or whatever it is , but I I Still think because we you and I were exposed to a lot of I mean , we had a lot of opportunities to learn from people and we heard so many people's stories where there's a lot of sensitive stuff that you're talking about publicly .
Yeah you know it's at a certain point , it's your responsibility to make sure you can handle that .
So it Fair , but compared to now .
Yeah , yes , night and day , the child day .
Compared to child .
Go get our goldfish . Also , I think the word parse might be my least favorite word ever for some reason . I don't like the way it sounds . Not parse , not cuz you , so isn't a you thing , just it's the word Parse , parse it out . Oh , doesn't like it . I'm sick and by it almost . Oh , I'm sorry to hear that no , no , it's okay .
This isn't a you issue but if you could never do it again , that would also be cool .
That was very emotional , emotionally mature of you . Yes , this isn't a you issue .
Yeah , it's not a you issue . This is , but it is , then don't ever do it again .
Anytime someone overreacts and creates drama to something , it usually is Some level of emotional immaturity . You can't regulate your emotions . When I got in a relationship with Emilia , she is the best that emotional maturity I've ever seen . I've never seen her raise her voice . I've never seen her get flustered . It's it's unbelievable .
She is just the calm at the center of any storm and it makes me insecure at times because I definitely am not as emotionally regulated .
I'll get triggered and I'll tea cattle , like I talked about in the episodes recently , but I think that that comes from years and years and years of working through how , what triggers you and why , and that's all self-awareness stuff that I just didn't focus on when I was younger .
I Wish that I had to be honest , same , yeah , same . This would be my next love nugget . It's by one little Wayne , or a little Wayne for short . I believe the song title is 3 am I think that's the name of it leave the drama on daytime television . What is this detention ? It feels like elementary . That's just a little Wayne talking about drama .
So that would be my next level nugget . Do you have any rap lyrics or rock lyrics you'd like to kind of parse along with mine , or Maybe something you've been from something I said there , the certain words of mine .
Kevin doesn't like the Thing that you said in the beginning . You said something about . I don't mean this to be judgmental . Yes , I had a . I'm reading a book right now called the art of focus . It's awesome , wow .
Also just FYI . You have three minutes before your next call .
I do know . Okay , just one picture . Yeah , yeah , thank you , though , and it is a little confusing because now we're doing back-to-back , so the the stream yard Timer . I know , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , that's a whole nother thing that's meta . That's meta stuff behind the scenes , yeah , behind the scenes podcast or stuff . All right .
So the art of focus oh , he said this is a cool way to frame it Judgment versus discernment , because a lot of us don't want to be judgmental , but we do want to be discerning . Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . So you cannot judge that person and you can understand . They're going through
¶ Regulate your emotions
a hard time and you know , maybe XYZ bad chat , whatever it is Okay , but you still need to be discerning and not be in their life If you want a drama free life , and so I thought that was really cool of judgment versus discernment , and I wanted to share that I appreciate it .
I think it's . It's very along the lines of the Explanation , not excuse .
Yeah , it's fine .
I think again , that's not mine , I don't know . I I don't . I genuinely don't know where I found that or came across that if you have not yet purchased your tickets for next level live 2024 , please do so . We are Less than two weeks out if you're listening to this on Monday , so we are super excited for that . The team's gonna be in . It's amazing .
I'm very excited for all that . I'm definitely overwhelmed because event season is always heavy , but super excited . If you have not yet joined our private Facebook group , next level nation , please it do so . If you're looking for a group of people that just don't want drama and a Facebook group that doesn't have any drama , that is the place for you .
I didn't decide what we're doing for episode number 1639 , so you and I will figure that out , but We'll see what happens , hopefully we'll parse it out . We'll parse it out , kind of see what we glean from this conversation . Can I kind of take it from there ? Maybe a little Wayne will motivate me into something .
Perhaps it could be we could do a wrap-off , kind of like a wrap battle off . If you want , I'm game . Okay , tune in for episode number 1639 , the next level rap battle .
I'm gonna have to work on my voice first .
It might help you . I Don't know man , a little more intimidating the deeper the voices . You know what I mean . Well , I Am very intimidating , yes , the most .
With my voice as always .
we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .
Par sit out next level nation .