#1562 - How Asking The Right Questions Will Change Your Life

That's a very heavy title and it's very suggestive , but if we were just to make a simple example of Somebody being locked let's just say somebody's locked in a room and they're thinking of the questions that they could ask themselves which questions do you think would be the most likely to help them get out of that room ? How can I get out of this room ?

Would be one . What is something creative I can do that's outside of the box , to get out of this room ? The questions that they're asking themselves are powerful questions . They're affirming questions . There are questions that are going to bring Awareness and opportunity , not questions that are going to force them to stay exactly where they are .

And I'm sure you've seen Like asking yourself what can I learn from this ? That type of like , those type of quotes on Instagram . I know that's a very small example and that's a very layer . One example , but if you think of All of the growth , or maybe the majority of the growth that you've had as a human being .

It's probably come from either you asking yourself a question or somebody asking a question to you and then , with the new answer , you having a new opportunity and a new awareness to try something new . When I'm on podcasts and people say what changed for you in the beginning , I usually say I started asking myself why . I

Just tried to ask myself why do I feel insecure around this person ? Why do I feel confident around this person ? Why do I feel insecure here ? But I feel confident here . Asking yourself the challenging question or any question is step one . Sitting in the discomfort of not knowing the answer or exploring the answer is Number two .

But asking the right questions can change your life because it's creating an opportunity for growth . Not everybody has super growth oriented people in their lives , so maybe we can't rely as much on the people around us to ask questions . But if you can , if you can sit with it , let's just say okay , let's do this .

Let's say you read a book or , even better , let's say you hear yesterday's episode about two different types of vulnerability and after that episode you get to the end of the episode you say , wow , I wonder if I struggle with either of those types of vulnerability . You just asked yourself an amazing question .

Then what you do with that answer dictates the progress you make in that category , the progress you make with that specific thing .

And if you do that every day , and you're doing that every time you hear something , you read something , I am willing to bet you're gonna become very , very hyper aware , very , very self-aware , and You'll probably understand why you're making a lot of the decisions you're making or not making .

In a nutshell , and if you ask which one of those do I struggle with more , there's a question For me , the answer is giving feedback . Okay , how could I practice that more Boom ? And then you come up with an answer of well , be more aware of it and I could share more feedback with my clients today . And then you practice , and then you get better .

And so I heard this once about questions versus answers . The person who asks great questions ends up with all the answers , and the reason the number one reason questions matter more than answers is because they guide you long term . Let me explain .

If you come to me and we're on a coaching session and you're having this specific challenge , we can identify the root cause of that challenge and then create a solution . That's it , though , whereas if I give you a set

of questions that help you solve the problem yourself . So , for example , kev comes to me and he says hey , man , I wanna lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks . And I say , okay , start with 2000 calories and work out every day for 45 minutes and we'll see where the scale moves and then we'll adjust accordingly . Okay , cool , that's great .

But now he's relying on me to give him answers Instead of let me give him a set of questions . Whenever you wanna lose weight , kev , all you have to do is ask what kind of exercise should I be doing to maximize my caloric output ? What is the amount of calories that I need to eat to stay in a caloric

deficit ? How often should I be weighing myself ? No matter what the goal is , the questions are still relevant Versus every , and this is why podcasting can be so challenging , because Kevin and I are providing feedback and advice and perspective without knowing you .

I mean , we kinda know you Heart driven individuals with low self-worth who are sick and tired of being held back by themselves and others . If you are sick and tired of being held back by yourself and others , you are a part of this community and that's part of why you are listening to this show . Most likely Now , I don't know for sure .

I don't know you yet . I know many of our listeners , but not all of you . So I can't give you advice until we get on the phone and I start understanding you and your goals and your core values and the life that you want and what fulfills you and what you're passionate about and what your purpose is .

But with questions they can guide you forever , regardless of what changes and who you are and where you're from . So what I would love to do , if you're a game Kev is oh boy , what are your favorite questions to ask Yourself , other people ? I'll start with one , just because I wanna lead by example .

I ask this question all the time to myself and to Emilia in particular , because Emilia has what I call a super growth mindset . She is so growth oriented that actually that becomes a bottleneck , and I'll explain what is the seemingly empowering belief that is actually limiting .

In other words , what is the empowering , what is the disempowering belief that has disguised itself as empowering ? That's one of my favorite questions in the world , because then you go , you know what , maybe I am a little overly abundant

. You know , time isn't infinite . Maybe I need to be a little more practical . You know what ? Maybe I can't achieve that in this short amount of time . It gets you thinking .

But if you ask that to the wrong person , though , actually that question would be relevant to everyone , but the answer is going to be different for everyone , and that's why questions are so powerful .

Well , no , I'm just going to use it because that's that's the one that's top of mind and it'll mean the most because it's real . My alarm clock went off today at five five thirty and I had a conversation with myself and I was like I'm not going to go to the gym . I don't . I don't want to go to the gym . I'm not motivated to go to the gym .

I don't want to do it . What's under that is , my shoulder has been killing me and I feel like it's going to be a giant waste of time to go to the gym , end up disappointed and leave 15 minutes in . I just would rather not go .

What's under that is frustration in the fear of more frustration , the fear that I'm going to go to the gym and it's going to be worse than it was last time . So I'll just wait for Jiu Jitsu tomorrow , where Jiu Jitsu

goes , fine . What's actually under this ? That has been something that has really , really it's been very beneficial . Tara and I were talking today in the shower . Something happened to our Roku so our Roku is like broken so we can't stream to the TV . I don't know Something's going on . I don't know what's happening .

So it's not connected to the Wi-Fi , but the Wi-Fi is fine . I don't know . And I told her . I said I might be time for a new TV and get an 80 inch , something like that . You know , christmas , give myself a little present . And she said we don't need a new TV , kev , let's just get a new Roku .

And I asked myself that question of what's the part of you that wants a new TV ? Is that the part , is that like the child , inner child part of you that's been working so hard that you want some sort of present for yourself ? Is that what it is when you could just buy a new Roku for 50 bucks ? No , you don't have to get a 90 inch TV .

Is it the part of you that wants to use this as a convenient opportunity to upgrade your life ?

, or you nearly bought Alan a projector .

And then the one I've shared many , many times what would the best version of you do ? That's the one that , again , it probably sounds corny , maybe it doesn't , I don't know . I'm sure to some people it would . But anytime you have an opportunity to take the shortcut or the easy way out , just saying what would the best version of you do , that is .

This is a great example . Last night we took the sheets off the bed we have separate , we have adjustable beds , so they're separate but they're together . And Taren was out for the night and I was putting sheets back on my bed and I said what would the best version of Kev would put ? To take care of her bed too . Don't just do yours , you lazy ass .

She would really .

So that's one of my favorite questions .

Remember when we had Mark Damn , I can't remember his name , he was the questions guy . We had him on the show . His name was Mark . He had like whiter hair , but he was a great dude .

There's another good one Now , again , if you overly ask questions with negative answers . So , for example , you have to ask affirming and negative questions and again we can do another episode on this , because I know we gotta go , but Some questions are tough to ask because you don't want the answer . Okay , where am I screwing up right now ?

Where , just like Kevin said , what would the best version of Kevin do ? I always ask what would my future self thank me for ? You know why we don't ask that question ? Because we don't wanna do it . What will my future self thank me for ? Where am I screwing up right now ? Well , I'm not writing enough . Well , I'm not doing enough mobility .

Well , I'm not hydrating as well as I could . That's what coaching is . All coaching is is feedback . It's just hey , you say you want this goal . Okay , what am I doing ? That's not in alignment with my goals right now ? Where could I be a better partner to Emilia ? What's really frustrating me these days , and why , and what can I do about it ? So questions

thinking is nothing more or less than asking and answering questions , and your brain comes up with great answers , but you have to have the courage to ask the tough questions . Last one , this one , will hit home . I did this at a relationship talks event last night . Who do I want to believe is not toxic ?

Who I'm certain actually is when I ask my intuition , who do I wish wasn't toxic , but I'm certain they are ? You don't wanna ask that question because when your intuition comes up with an answer , you don't wanna have to do anything about it . You wanna pretend this person's not toxic , but you know they are . Who's not good for me that I keep pretending is .

Those are the tough questions right there . So questions of the way .

I'll turn a positive spin on it , because I know a lot of us do beat ourselves up more than we actually should .

people are overly positive , some people are overly negative . We drive to five . You can't only look at the good , you have to look at the bad too . But you can't only look at the bad , you gotta look at the good too . So try to stay at five with that . That's a good point .

So that is what we're gonna do tomorrow . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .