#1557 - Three Things To Work On If You Want To Shift Your Identity

We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode , episode number 1,556 building self-worth and feel gross , dirty , icky whatever words you want to use today for episode number 1,557 three things to work on if you want to shift your identity . I Don't know if I have a really good story or maybe a better story than this .

I Remember at the very beginning of this journey , anytime I would be around someone who had the title of doctor , I would be very insecure doctor , anything that , any medical doctor or whatever , whatever , it was just doctor and I Remember just being nervous and insecure and being afraid of making mistakes and thinking the person was judging me and not being smart

enough , all of those things .

And I had a moment today and this wasn't the story I intended on using but I had a moment today when I was taking care of some things for some clients and I I did something for one client who is a doctor , and Then I did something for another client right after who is also a doctor , and I had a moment where I said , oh , my goodness , so much has

changed , not just over this year , but over the entirety of this journey with my identity around who I think I am , and I thought to myself why it's really hard , alan , at times , because when people ask me ,

how did you become this , how did you become more confident , self-worth , all those things ? It's just so many things behind the scenes , it's just so many things . Going back to a couple episodes that we've done this week , what the podcast is a huge reason for it because of the opportunities the podcast has created .

So I think there's really three things Three steps , three checks , three places you must visit in order to shift your identity . One it has to be an idea first , so the idea of I really would like to get to the place eventually where I identify as blink .

It has to be an idea , it has to be something that comes into your consciousness that you have I Won't even say you have some belief in the beginning . You have some desire . Maybe desire comes before belief for you . So that's part one idea to belief that it can actually happen .

The belief that it can actually happen for me was these doctors didn't know anything about podcasting in the beginning . I had enough belief that I could help them as a podcaster , but there was no way I was gonna help them with any life advice . That was not something I thought I could do . So , idea belief . Third one action .

And when you hear us talk about action so often , you got to do the thing Long enough for it to lock in as your new identity

. Now here's the beautiful thing . In the very beginning it was Well , yeah , this person is a doctor and they want to be a podcast client . That's an idea I could probably see that's possible . This person is very sweet , is an amazing person . Maybe , yeah , maybe that could happen . Then , after I talked to this person , I had enough belief .

Then I took action and they became a client . Then the same process starts over . When you take your idea , sprinkle a little belief on it or borrow a belief from somebody else and then take action , that becomes the pedestal where you can then reshift your identity again and again , and again and again .

I think as long as you have these three , you're going to be in a really good place and you're going to have a lot of opportunity to shift your perspective . If you remove any of these , I don't know how sustainable it is . If it's not an idea , it's never going to happen , unless it's luck . That's fair . It's definitely possible .

If there's no belief , it's probably not super sustainable . If you take action , you're probably not going to take something internal and bring it into the external world . Get the proof , get the result and then continue the process . That is my thesis for today's episode .

I forget if this was Book Club or Group Coaching or whatnot , but I remember I said I called her a transformational leader . She was like what I said you're a transformed , empowered female , transformational leader . You could tell it wasn't clicking , it wasn't registering . I could tell she didn't identify that way . She's like well , what's that ? I said .

You know what's fascinating about this ? Regardless of whether or not you believe it or think you are or not you are , you are an empowered female , transformational leader and I'll prove it . I Googled it right in front of her . It's really cool .

I said what are the chances you're going to lean into this if you don't even know it exists and you don't even know that you are it For our listeners . What I really want to help people understand is you are a leader , whether or not you identify as one . The problem is , and what is the definition of a leader ?

Someone who has influence , someone who has influence over other people .

You're a leader to somebody . Maybe it's your kids , maybe it's your kids friends , maybe it's your friends , whatever it might be , but so , with aim , I pulled this up and I sent this to her . And what's up ? I'm actually in what's up right now . What is a transformational leader ?

Transformational leadership is defined as a leadership approach that causes change in individuals and social systems . In its ideal form , it creates valuable and positive change in the followers , with the end goal of developing followers into leaders . A transformational leader is someone who leads people in a way that helps them become leaders .

Amy L does that , regardless of whether or not she knows what that means . So she is a transformational leader . I think one of the reasons why identity bothers me , for lack of better phrasing , is that you are amazing , whether you admit it or not , in something . The problem is we don't self-label ourselves .

We let the world label us oh , you're shy , or you're good at math , or you're good at English , or you're a leader or you're not a leader . I'm the type of person that , and the question we all have to ask ourselves is when did you make that decision ? Well , a good example for me is I'm not good at reading .

I went to special reading classes as a kid and I was told I'm not good at reading and I wasn't good at reading at the time . It was true at the time , that's fair . I got taken out of class , taught how to read , but now I'm good at reading . But would I be if I just let that identity creep in and just stay there ?

So I asked Kev before this episode . I said is it possible to act consistently outside of alignment with our identity ? In other words , can you act outside of who you believe you are ? And he said no , not for a long time , not for a sustainable period of time , and I think that I'll share this as well .

I often say this in book club and different coaching calls that I'll do . I'll say I want you to get around people that make you uncomfortable at the ego level . What I'm really saying even though that probably doesn't make any sense is you need to get around people who get you to question your identity , not toxic people , because there is that .

There's something called gaslighting in psychological terms , where someone gets you to question your identity and question who you are because they want to control you . That is not what I'm talking about .

What I'm talking about is step on stage with Kevin and I and prove to yourself that you can be a speaker , even though it's uncomfortable Of course it's uncomfortable . Do a next level live , and now you live in next level nation . Perfect . So whoa , maybe I can do this .

It's going to be uncomfortable , but it's going to help you shift your identity towards something that is now possible .

And whether it's Amy talking about transformational leadership or it's someone saying I could never be a coach , or I'm not a coach , or I'm not a coachy type of person , or I'm not a numbers person , or I'm not a reader , or I'm bad at writing , whatever it is , whatever label you've imposed on yourself or you've allowed the world to impose on you , all I'm

saying is take back control of this process , because if we , as human beings , are constantly aligning with what we believe we are , who we believe we are . What if we made that decision when we were seven ? What if we made that decision when we were 12 ? Oh , I'm a good baseball player . I'm athletic . That's a good one . Are you athletic ? Kev is athletic .

Even when he's not athletic , he still thinks he's athletic and he tells a story about how he tried to throw a baseball like he used to . And I wouldn't mind you telling that story . I think that's a good one , but I wouldn't mind you telling that story ?

story .

And Tara and I went , we went with Pops and then he ended up leaving and we went to the carnival and there's the game where you have to throw a baseball and you have to break milk jugs and I was like , yeah , okay , what do you want ? You just tell me what prize you want , I'm gonna get it for you .

what we're doing ? At all times ? You think you identify as somebody who is really good at something , but you don't do it enough to get humbled , accurate .

You identify as somebody who is really bad at something , but you don't do it enough because you don't believe you can do it and therefore it's a self-fulfilling prophecy , and you just end up that way forever , quote , unquote .

But then , when you get an opportunity to do something that a shy person wouldn't do , and you have a moment of courage and you do it , and then maybe you say , oh , I'm not as shy as I used to be Interesting .

Or you go throw a baseball and you bounce it six times before it reaches the backstop and you say I am not nearly as good at throwing a ball as I used to be . One humbles you , one builds you , but both of them create accuracy , more

accuracy .

I'm glad I did because it was very humbling . But that's another perspective . If you're journaling , you're doing steps one and two . You're creating ideas and , potentially , belief , depending Depending on your level of journaling and what it means to you . But without the action it's just a bunch of stuff on paper .

I was talking in group coaching yesterday about self-concept and how babies , when they're young I think it's like two , two and a half they look in the mirror and they , for the first time , can feel and see that this is like them , they're a thing , a person , and that's when our quote , unquote ego develops , which is also identity .

And it's almost like we have this fixed self-concept that's based on a past version of self and then every action we take is either aligned or not with that to some extent . So , for example , every action before you take it , you have an unconscious expectation of . So , for example , we have an expectation for how this podcast episode will go .

If you tend to think you're gonna suck , taking action assuming you do is probably gonna give you positive , empowering feedback . If you think you're gonna be awesome , most likely you're gonna have

what happens to me not always , but sometimes where it's like , oh my God , I am so much worse than I thought , and it all has to do with identity . It's very , very important . There's certain things that I think I'm gonna suck at . I'm like , wow , I'm not that bad .

There's other things I think I'm gonna be great at and it's like , oh my God , that was terrible , just like you throw in the baseball . That was Kevin basing his current level of skill based on the last time you throw a baseball . Which was what 10 years ago or five years ago , or whatever , a long time . And you used to be lights out , right .

I mean , you used to be able to hammer that thing , definitely . But , you haven't practiced in how many years before that ?

give it a shot , Assuming it's not dangerous . Just give it a shot . Messy action's the way I remember I was on a coaching call one time and the person listening will I'll keep it private , of course , but this person might think this is funny and I remember I said something of like take messy action , just do it .

She's like , oh , don't worry , I went naked bunny jumping once , this is gonna be no problem , and I was like what I was like ? Okay , yeah , this will be no problem for you . It's that person's identity is that they're adventurous , so they do adventurous things . I'm not gonna do bungee jumping period , nevermind naked bungee jumping .

The point is , if you're shy , you're not gonna do that . But what else won't you do ?

That might be aligned and , more importantly , the dreams and goals that you have , the calling that you have , the courage that you need , the future that you want is going to be through a minefield of things that conflict with your current identity and you're gonna have to figure it out . And then that wasn't aligned . Oh , that was actually better than I thought .

Oh , I kind of suck at that . Oh , I gotta get better here . You just kind of have to walk through the minefield with courage , and I don't recommend being reckless to the point where you put yourself in danger . I don't want you to put your life in danger , but you definitely gotta put your ego in danger , for sure .

But I don't know if that I necessarily planned it . My next level nugget would be planet , planet

. After this episode , and think to yourself what is one thing you wanna shift about your identity ? And then that's the idea right there . And then the belief comes from saying you know what ? I'm gonna take a second of courage . I'm going to go with a friend , whatever it is , whatever it may be , and then the action is trying to do it more than once .

You're not going to . If you identify as being shy , you're most likely not gonna un-identify that after one speech , one reading , whatever it is . Doing one thing one time it's probably not enough . You have so many reps of the other way . So give it time . Give it time when you're taking action .

You're in a group with other people who value self-improvement

. Boom , that is an identity shift , right there . So Link will be in the show notes , as always . We would love to have you in there .

We just ended group 12 . Kev was telling a story . He was talking to his wife , taryn , and she's like 12 groups . You know what's thinking about this earlier . Kev is 12 . Groups is three years . Group coaching is still a toddler .

like-minded individuals helping you get dialed in 90-day program and it's entirely focused on self-awareness , personal growth , momentum , peak performance , fulfillment the stuff you're gonna learn . This is a very , very , very well-polished product At this point . We've brought 12 groups through this . We've improved it every step of the way .

If you've ever done it before , you can do it again . If you're a new timer a new timer , a newcomer please give it a shot . It is $97 per month for three months with the promo code . The promo code is NLUListener and the link will be in the show notes to the website .

A lot of the time we talk about life and vulnerable stuff , and I had a really powerful conversation with a client . That was the inspiration for that episode . So we will do that tomorrow . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLUL we do not have fans , we have family .

We will talk to you all tomorrow .