#1502 - We Judge OURSELVES More Than Others Judge Us

There was a question mark at the end that I didn't Annunciate properly when we did the episode , so there's a question mark , saddest . Okay , today for episode number 1502 , we judge ourselves more than others . Judge us . Tower and I went to a wedding last weekend and I knew Two people there three people , I guess , other than that , not a soul .

Four people because I knew tower , and then three other people and I was dreading the part where I have a full belly . The dance floor gets cleared out , the music starts to play and I am expected to shake it , baby , shake it . I was very much not looking forward to that moment . I don't like those moments very much . Shake your tail , feathers .

I don't know how to dance , I have no rhythm , I have two moves and it's not good . Neither of those moves are good . So I was very insecure and I was thinking about it , I was catastrophizing and and the music came on and I went and shook my little tail , feather . And here was my thought . Here is my thought the whole time .

One , it's almost there's almost an unset agreement that when you go on the dance floor , you're gonna look like an idiot and everybody's gonna look like an idiot , but nobody's gonna say anything to each other about looking like an idiot , mm-hmm . And that that was my thought process of look , everybody's thinking about how they look .

They're not thinking about how I look . 100% . Everybody is probably more afraid of they are probably judging themselves more hard than I would be judging them . I'm definitely judging myself Way more critically than anybody else is , and I had a blast . That is the most fun I've ever had at a wedding . I had an absolute blast . Now , did I have a whiskey ?

Maybe , maybe I did have a whiskey . Did I have two whiskies ? Maybe I did have two whiskies , but by the time that the dancing was happening the whiskies had worn off . I will admit that I did have two whiskies earlier . They had worn off by the time we were dancing , but I had a blast .

That Would not have been able to happen if I didn't have this conversation with myself . I was really afraid . I'm telling you I was . I was nervous . That is one of those things I haven't Going back to overcoming . I don't know if overcoming is a real thing . I haven't overcome that yet .

There are certain places where I fear judgment and that is one of them . A big social environment like that , that is one of them . But I had that conversation with myself and I said look , kev , nobody cares about you as much as you care about yourself not in a negative way , but nobody cares .

Nobody's looking at you as much as you're looking at yourself from the outside . Nobody cares . Everybody's thinking about themselves . Everybody's sweating their butt off . A lot of these people probably hammered . They're not gonna remember any of this tomorrow .

Why don't you use this as an opportunity to get outside of your comfort zone and Take pride in the fact that you're gonna have fun . Take pride in the fact that you're gonna do something that scares . You take pride in the fact that it's gonna be uncomfortable , but discomfort is a good thing . So that's my story for this episode .

Because you had wanted to go to a bar and not drink , but you were insecure at the bar and you wanted to fear chase . You remember said conversation , of course . So we go to the bar , kevin drinks .

I Said I'm others conscious , not self-conscious I . I think that the opposite of self-conscious is others conscious . I think others conscious means you're focused on Facilitating a good time , you're focused on achieving a goal . You're focused on I Mean even right now I'm . My focus is not what's on my face . My focus was on the fan .

That's why I called the elephant out in the room , because I just want to get it out of the way . Oh crap , left my fan on be vulnerable my bad 1502 episodes and I'm still out here . Jeff , it's so

interesting . You and I talked about this recently . The person who owns their insecurities is actually less insecure . When you hide insecurities , they get bigger . When you reveal insecurities , they they get smaller . It's one of those weird dualities , one of those weird paradoxes . And so Right now on the podcast , my focus is not on what I'm insecure about .

It's on adding value , it's on the goal , it's on the outcome , it's on the approach , it's on what I'm saying , what I'm not saying , what I'm choosing to say , and I think that when you have goals , when you have , so , you at the wedding , your goal was to have as much fun as possible . In order to do that , you have to dance and for .

Taren to have as much fun as possible . Exactly others conscious . See , it's bigger than you . It's bigger than you and when you make it bigger than you , you get bigger . That's got to be one of the best principles in the world . I was talking to a client yesterday . I said listen , we're all climbing mountains . Some of us are climbing Mount watch , use it .

Some of us are climbing the Appalachian trail . Some of us are climbing Mount Mount Everest . I looked it up earlier 6,338 people have climbed Mount Everest . I Said what's the Statistics on that ? What's the ? So what percentage of the population has climbed Mount Everest ? I did the math . I did 6,338 divided by 8 billion .

I rounded up I don't think it's 8 billion yet , but we're headed there for the global population and it's point 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 , 7 , 9 percent of the population .

And the reason I was actually saying this and this is actually vulnerable for me to share , but the reason I was saying this is because I Wanted to figure out why some of the personal development content doesn't resonate with me and I realized that no one's making content for point 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 , 7 , 9 percent of the population Right , and so on this show ,

we're trying to make it relevant to our listeners . And If you have a podcast on how to climb Mount Everest , you're only gonna reach , you know , 10,000 people . And so , anyways , to bring this back , we're all climbing mountains . Whatever mountain you're climbing , climb it . Well , you don't have to climb Mount Everest .

You can climb whatever mountain you choose , but make sure it's a mountain that forces you to face these insecurities that we're talking about here , and make sure it's bigger than you . It needs to be bigger than you . That's what others consciousness is about Self-conscious people , and we've all been there . It's about us .

I talked about , at a relationship talks event , how I'm insecure . I was insecure in the past about my nose . I broke my nose really bad . I actually went to graduation with my nose on the other side of my face .

In a basketball game I got a headbutt and I lost the symmetry in my nose and , as a model , symmetry is one of the most important things scientifically for good looks and I was really insecure about it . So I would wear this hat , thanks , I would always wear a hat because when the light hits it a certain way , it's crooked .

And now , instead of hiding , instead of hiding my nose under a hat , I just owned it . I was like , okay , perfectly imperfect , and I think that that's what you do . You're not going to be a good dancer . There's two ways to be not embarrassed on the dance floor . You go take dance courses .

I'm still embarrassed and to add value because we're climbing a mountain of impact . But my point is is , Kev , there's two ways . You either decide to be a great dancer and to be a dancer and to add value dancing , or you decide to overcome your insecurity , or you practice dancing for your next wedding .

And I think that if you're not going to practice dancing for your next wedding , just own the fact that you aren't a great dancer and do your thing .

It's just going into a new environment where 99.9% of the people could be better than me for sure , and again , I'm sure I'll match up with people who are similar skill wise . But I had that moment of oh , I'm going to get judged . Luckily , the martial arts community is one of the most respectful .

Especially the Jiu Jitsu community is very respectful more often than not and I read a lot of reviews in this place but there was a part of me that had that thought . This is really what helps it land . For me , if you're afraid of , if you're afraid of judgment , there's two things .

One , you're not fully right with yourself yet , where you have the correction of when I leave here , I'm going to go home and everything is going to be totally fine . I'm going to be very certain in who I am as a man . It's going to be fine . This is only a moment . This is a moment of judgment .

This is an experience , this is a situation , this is a scenario Go back home and it'll be fine . Maybe you're not right with yourself at that level yet and there are certain arenas where I'm not . Obviously , the wedding was a good test . I passed that test . I know I'll pass the Jiu Jitsu test as well , but I think it's one of those things where- .

That's one of the keys of martial arts . So if you're a humble person and you're willing to learn , you're going to do great . I think there's also a thought of this is how I'm supposed to look , versus this is how other people are seeing me . I think that's where the judgment comes from . Look at this person . This person's breaking it down . I can't do that .

That's how I'm supposed to look . No , no , no . You're not supposed to look the same as everybody else . You're supposed to look the way you look .

If you don't know what to expect from yourself , how could you ever not be afraid of what everybody else is expecting of you too ? That would be my next love nugget Something to chew on .

Fear of embarrassment actually drives people , and I've used this before , but not everyone , most people . I said this once and someone was like I didn't work out before my wedding . I was like , ah damn . I used to say everyone works out before their wedding . Most people work out consistently before their wedding because they're afraid of embarrassment .

They're going to be on camera , they want the wedding video to look good , they want to look good at their wedding . They want to feel good at their wedding . There's a lot of motivators At the end of the day . One of them is embarrassment .

So , kev , your fear of being embarrassed at this Jiu Jitsu gym is going to get you to be more humble , to work harder , to motivate you to learn more . Maybe you'll watch some videos or whatever that's done . You already did .

Tomorrow for episode number 1,503 , happy Saturday tomorrow . Your deepest fear also creates your biggest strength . So we're kind of going to piggyback on what we talked about today , so I'm excited for that one as well . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family .

We will talk to you all tomorrow .