#1493 - Growth Can Be Lonely

Flashback to there's either January or February and I had reached out to an event called Podfest . It's one of the bigger podcast conferences in the world and they were having an event in Orlando , florida , and I wanted to speak . I was leaning into more of the podcast , coaching the podcast , speaking , just being more of the podcast guy .

And I said , hey , I was looking , I know it's late , I know the events in like a month , but I was wondering if you had any speaking opportunities available and they said we don't have any main stage stuff , but we actually are looking for some people to do some panels . Here are the list of panels that we have open . Let us know if you want to do one .

And I said yeah , I'd love to . And I ended up being on a panel and I Was super excited . I was super excited to go speak on podcasting , something I had never done before , but I had podcast growth university at this point , so I had been doing podcasts on podcasting , but I had never given a speech . What's happening ? I had to adjust my mic .

Good sir , okay , I can't trust you over there with those smirks . I never know what's going on in that brain of yours . It's , it's fun over here , okay , it's fun . So Alan and I talk about it and I'm like , hey , I think we should , we should do this thing . It's not gonna be paid , but I do think it's a great opportunity . What are your thoughts ?

You see , yeah , we got to do it . So I booked my flight , I booked my rental that was actually the first time I ever drew a drove , a BMW , which led to me getting a new car , so that all connected nicely . Booked my Airbnb , awesome , cool . So I fly down and I'm staying in this . This really nice . It was a brand new Airbnb , it was awesome .

I loved it and I get my BMW rental from the , from the airport , and I was like , oh , this is gonna be awesome . This is the week like this , is it ? Brand new , bmw , convertible , nice Airbnb . Here we go , go to the event and it's in this amazing hotel right across from SeaWorld . Shout out to . I don't like SeaWorld because of what they do to animals .

And I go in and it's like , oh my god , this is , there's a waterfall . This is awesome , this is the best . And I go into the first presentation of the day and immediately was like , oh my goodness , this is gonna be terrible . Now I mean this with all the love in the world .

But the first presentation I saw was people who had like 15 or 20 episodes teaching people about podcasting and I I Remember thinking to myself , oh , no , no , no , no , yeah , I don't know if this is gonna be good . I might be in trouble here . I might be in trouble . So I sit through that and I met an amazing guy .

His name was Corey , really , really , really good human . So him and I chatted and we basically spent the entire morning together . Then I went to another . They're called tracks . It's just a room that has a Specific theme . I bounced around all day and I met up with Corey later and I remember saying like , ah , oh , I said what do you think , man ?

What do you think of this so far ? And he said , oh , it's awesome , man , a lot of , a lot of Very applicable stuff . But I'm also understanding a lot of this stuff doesn't really apply to me and I was like I don't want to . I don't want to put any Negativity or take any wind out of your sales , but I also want to make sure you're not .

I don't know everything , but I I do know more than Humbly , more than most people in this room , just based on our experience . So please use me as a resource if you need me .

And I remember I remember the the event finished that day I got in the car and I left and I went back to the Airbnb and I remember just feeling off and I was just sad and I felt depressed that's probably the best way to put it is . I felt depressed and I at one point , was just sitting on the bed crying and I was like what the hell is going on ?

Like why do I feel so bad ? And Then I ordered food , as I would . I don't remember what I got . I got tacos or something and I went to get my tacos and I ate my tacos because I was like hell yeah hell yeah , hell yes . Maybe I'm just overwhelmed , maybe I'm homesick . I haven't really traveled .

I don't know if I've traveled since I've been married , maybe once , so maybe that's . Maybe I just miss town and miss being at home . I was like I don't know , I don't feel like that , so I don't know if I texted you this day or I might have texted you the next day . Long audio .

So I was just like I don't even not explain it I was just depressed , I was super sad , I was super down I'm balling my eyes up in this hotel room and I remember I I Audioed Alan a long message of like dude , I don't know what's going on , but like I don't really feel like I belong here and I thought I was gonna meet so many people that I would feel

closer to , but I feel further away from everybody else and I don't know what the hell is going on . And I remember I FaceTime tower and I told her the same thing . I was I don't . I feel terrible , I am like depressed , I am sad . I've been crying . I don't know what's going on . So the next day I went and it was very much the same .

The morning was Jeff , but I was gonna be on the panel that that afternoon . So I ended up sitting through the day and I remember I made a conscious decision when I was like I don't know if I'm gonna go to any of these other things . I might just sit outside work until the panel and then I'll kind of take it from there . So we end up doing the panel .

And that was interesting . That was really fun . I enjoyed that very much . Being on stage , I was nervous as all heck . That finished , got some really good compliments from people connected with people . And then I remember I think I ran into Corey a little bit after .

Corey was kind enough to take some pictures for me he's my photographer for the afternoon and I remember he was like what's the next ? Where you going ? I said I think I'm gonna leave , man . He's like you're gonna leave right now . And I was like , yeah , I think . So . I think I'm done . I think I'm done here . And he's like are you going home ?

I said no , I'm going home tomorrow . And he's and I think it was a three-day event he said you're gonna come back tomorrow and I said I don't know , we'll see . I don't know if I'm gonna come back . I don't know if I feel up to it . So I ended up leaving , going back ordering food again , and same thing I just felt empty .

I just felt depressed , I felt sad , I just did not feel like normal kev . And then I think the next day came and I just didn't go . I think it was a half day and I was like I'm not going , I don't care , I'm gonna sleep in , I'll go get a good workout in , then I'll fly home .

I don't care , I don't want to , I don't want to go , I don't feel like , I don't feel good about it . So the reason I tell that story Is because I think one of the reasons I felt as bad as I did is because I felt lonelier than I had in the past . Now , and this , this part , always makes me super nervous , so I'll just throw it out there .

I don't mean this in any ego way . I don't mean this in any better than way . If you listen to this podcast , I feel safe saying that or saying this , but I just like throwing it out there . That event was not created for people like us , who are doing really well in the industry and we have a very successful business in 1500 episodes . Blah , blah , blah .

I'm very privileged and I'm very grateful . We've been out , had the opportunity to create this and we've worked very , very diligently . But

it almost felt like I was . I Wasn't supposed to be there . I wasn't meant to be there . I wasn't gonna meet my people there , and I think it was just another one of those Moments of realization that you have through growth of if I'm not gonna find my my people here at a podcast event , where am I gonna find them ?

And I think that really is what hit me . So I think the reason I felt the way I did is because I was very , very lonely and I expected that all the growth that I had was going to bring me Less loneliness , when in reality , I think it actually brought me the opposite , and I was very , very jarring and I had a moment a couple days ago .

I was thinking about it and I was just Reflecting on why I felt so bad .

I think that's really what it is and I think that's one of the reasons why when I go on other podcasts and people say , wow , you guys have all these episodes , and I get a lot of really kind words , which I'm always very , very grateful for but I almost feel like when I go on other shows , that's when I get to see my people , or when I'm coaching my

clients or our clients , that's when I get to see my people , and maybe when I go to another one in the future and I'm on stage with and I have my own speech , maybe I'll feel more like that's my place and those are my people . I don't know and this is nothing against any of the podcasters I may have met who are listening to the show .

I don't mean in that way . I just had different expect expectations at what happened then . What happened and I think that was just a lot of it was because of loneliness or feeling of loneliness . What was your experience ?

A lot of people said it was different than it had been in the past , and I'm again , I'm not crapping on pod fest , I will be going back in the future for sure , but that somebody , somebody else said that too . They said , I don't know , it felt a little different this this year .

I think it was the first year post COVID , so that might have it had been virtual for the last year or so because of COVID . So Well , yeah , I thought I thought I was going to connect with a bunch of people and Maybe be seen as more of an a quote unquote expert than I was . I would say , yeah , I put a bullet on the panel . It was very interesting .

I was on there with three , three other humans , I think , and I can't I don't know how to pronounce his name he's very big on social media , but I don't . He doesn't even have a podcast . I don't think he's got a YouTube channel and a very successful social media , but I don't .

He doesn't really have a podcast , so I don't really think he knows that much about podcasting . And again , I don't mean that negatively , but yeah , it was .

It was , it was good to be up there , but it was the same thing of yeah I think we're probably doing it differently than than you guys are up here it was probably Not feeling like I was valued at the level that I have worked so diligently to be valued at . I Think that really was what it was , not that I .

I don't know , do I expect anybody to treat me differently ? No , but If anybody was going to recognize what it's taken to get here , I would expect it to be other podcasters .

They're so blown away because you know , when you've been a podcaster , you know what it takes . It looks really easy . Everything , I think everything at the professional level , looks really easy . You know , you have those people in the stands that are like I'll catch the ball . It's like , well , it was , it was an 87 mile per hour ball .

Yeah , you know , and I would love to see you try to catch that . But again , that's like a baseball reference . But the , it doesn't matter . Whatever sport , whatever , you know , it's easy from the stands , right , it's easy from the stands . And and yeah , I guess feeling unseen , unappreciated , undervalued , not understood never feels good .

And what is what does it mean to be with your people ? It means you feel seen , you feel Appreciated , you feel valued , you feel understood .

Could I have done things differently ? Absolutely , in the future Will I definitely do . I know what yet . No , I don't . I don't quite know know what yet , but I will . I . I had a moment in the gym recently , alan Saturday , friday , saturday .

I was in there early squatting and I've been working my way back up with squats and I've been doing a lot of mobility and working Really really hard to get back and my last set was with 315 and I think I did it for six and my last

rep was one of those . Oh boy , this is gonna be a real struggle . That like body was shaking when I was pushing it up to the top . And there's this , this guy in the gym . I've him and I have connected . We're kind of buddies , we're gym buddies . His name is Jorge and he pulled his headphones off . That's the international sign of hey .

I want to say something to you and he's like dude , your squat form is perfect . He's like I don't know if I've seen a lot of people in here squat . I don't know if I've ever seen any squat like you , you know . Thank you , man . I appreciate that very much , thank you .

And he's asking me all these questions and it's like that's what it feels like to be valued for something that you've worked really really . Dilligently at . But I don't expect that , but it's almost . That's the thing . It's kind of you kind of know when you know more than someone else in something . Yeah , you do , you definitely do you kind of know .

Yeah , and I think there's times where other people know that you know more than they do , but they're not willing to give it to you . Yeah , and Jorge was , he was like he gave it to me . It's like awesome . Yeah , I don't know why . Maybe he's more confident , or maybe he , I don't know .

podcaster friends and then we kind of kept going and they didn't , and that's nothing wrong with that . And then it was lonely land again , and then we got around certain mentors who had very successful podcastals , like all right , we found our people again and then maybe we moved in a different direction than them .

So it has it's been cycles of lonely land and whatever . The opposite of lonely land is Connection land .

seen . In the upper part of the triangle , feeling understood , and then in the bottom right , feeling valued . And the reason it's in that order is because if you are not feeling seen , you can't really be understood and if you aren't understood , you can't really be valued , at least not at your true value .

So , for example , we have a team member , his name's Brandon , who was a really , really strong football player both in high school and college .

When a really successful football player gives a speech and talks about their struggles , brandon sees them , understands them and values them more than someone who's never played , because they get the struggle , they understand what it's like to get hit by someone who's 250 pounds running full speed .

And that's kind of what I think you expected at PodFest is these people know the struggle and they're going to appreciate me at a higher level and I can help them .

And you were probably pretty let down and maybe because you weren't shining in the way that would have been optimal , maybe because the event should have had you as a speaker and again should have is a loose term , but the lesson for me , the lesson for this episode , I think , is just you don't want to be a country singer at a rap concert and determine your

value and your worth based on that , and you don't want to be a country singer at a rap concert . You don't want to be a rap singer at a country concert . I think it's important that we all understand that value is contextual and some people I mean famous people talk about this .

They say it's , it's , it's insane that I can do this thing and I and everyone around the world knows me , and yet there are people working just as hard as a doctor who have one one hundredth of the success . The economy isn't fair , it's not , it's not supposed to be , and value is contextual .

So , instead of , first and foremost , put yourself in positions where you'll be seen , you'll be understood , you'll be valued , but when you're not , just make sure you don't let that leak into your value , because at the end of the day whether it's on the last episode , kev talked about getting rejected by a girl at the gym she has a boyfriend .

If he determined , his value is not there because she has a boyfriend . That makes no sense , it's not good for you , it's not constructive . It's not constructive . Just like being a podcast guy who's a podcaster at PodFest , who's on stage talking about podcasting , that's a pretty sure bet that you're going to be valued . In this case you weren't

, and not as much as you had hoped or whatever , but at the end of the day . And also one last thing I'll share too whether it's conscious or not , being valued is very important to human beings . Being valued is so important .

I remember when I I'll tell this very briefly , but in middle school , kev , you'll remember this I was , I looked like a backstreet boy , I had long hair , I was .

It was a good time for me .

I was like five foot three or something when I was a freshman in high school and my sister was really popular and I was this really red faced , little short , prepubescent little boy and all the athletes got all the value and I was just this nerd who cared about academics and unfortunately , as a freshman in high school maybe that's changed now , but back then no

one cares and I just felt so insignificant . And so all of us have felt insignificant at times , whether it's you feeling short at the bar , with the tall guys getting all the girls or whatever , or it's me realizing the athletes get all the praise and the the nerds don't . At the end of the day , find your people .

Make sure you're the one determining your value and , yes , put yourself in a position to be valued , because at the end of the day , you know the nerdy kid at chess club is going to get more valued than the nerdy kid on the basketball court and that's okay .

And I think you got to be a little strategic , while also making sure you don't determine your value based on the external world .

You're gonna be , you're gonna have boats of loneliness , you're gonna have boats of feeling on the outside . Sometimes that is a necessary byproduct of where you're going . By definition , if you want to fit in somewhere , you're not gonna be able to fit in other places .

It's kind of how it works to a degree , right , if I want to be a bodybuilder , I'm probably not gonna fit in with yogis , necessarily , because we just we just value different things . Now , can I partake in yoga ?

Sure , but I'm never gonna know as much about yoga as somebody who just does yoga , just like they may never , may never know as much about bodybuilding as I do bodybuilding . So maybe it's a sign of , maybe it's a sign of progress , more so than it feels I just had a breakthrough Kev Sure man .

But also it almost you become rarer and rarer and rarer and I guess that would be the last , next level nugget I would say which is , the more rare you become , the more challenging it is to fit in . It doesn't mean you can't , it doesn't mean you're alone . It just means just understand that . I mean how many people are healthy , wealthy and in love ?

I think I was sad that I didn't stand out mixed with also fitting in .

It's called next level video production . The reason this came up was I and Alan and the team and everybody realized as much as people probably should have podcasts , especially business owners , coaches , people trying to get their message out there . Not everybody's going to . So next level video production I actually interview our clients for an hour .

We take that interview and we break it up into social media content and then we share it on your social media for you . So if you're out there and you don't want to have a podcast , you're not interested , but you need content for social media to help show off the level of expertise that you actually have .

Please let us know , be happy to talk to you about what that all looks like , and right now it's an up and running department which I am super excited about . So if that appeals to you , please reach out . Kevin at nextleveluniversecom , I'm happy to explain it . You don't have to give me any money . We can definitely discuss it before any of that happens .

Kevin and I are potentially giving a speech soon on fear of rejection , fear of failure , fear of judgment and similar to what Kevin just did sharing his story about PodFest and not wanting to be seen as talking negatively about PodFest and that was a very vulnerable share . What does it mean to be vulnerable ?

It means sharing a fear , sharing an insecurity , sharing something about yourself that is scary to share , and if you cannot do that , it will hold you back forever , because people connect with like fears , and they connect with people who are humble enough to show their imperfections , and so that's what that monthly meetup is going to be about how to communicate a

vulnerable truth . I promise you will leave with the ability to connect with more people , the ability to sell more if you're in any sort of product or sales position , the ability to story tell better , the ability to speak better , the ability to have a better intimate relationship , because it requires more vulnerability there than anywhere else .

So join us and the link will be in the show notes .

For those listening , alan is smiling at me and anytime he does , I have to call it out because I don't know , do I have a booger ? Maybe it's definitely possible , no bugs . So that's what we're going to talk about tomorrow . We hope you will join us Also . You have a wonderful rest of your Wednesday if you are listening to this on Wednesday , as always .

We love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU , we join the fans . We have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .