#1459 - How Much Do You Trust Yourself?

So , as I have mentioned in Wednesday's episode and , I believe , tuesday's episode , I'm supposed to be in Belgium . I think we'd actually be in London or Paris today , I don't know , but Taryn and I did not end up going on our trip .

So we were supposed to leave Monday the fourth and I got a text from my mom on Saturday , the Saturday before , and she said hey , your grandmother fell . I found her on the bathroom floor when I got home from work and she broke her hip . And I told Taryn and I was like my grandmother fell , mima , and she broke her hip and she said what is this ?

What does that mean for everything ? I said I don't know , I have no idea yet . I don't , I have no idea . This is the first I've gotten of this . I don't know any of this means yet . She's getting surgery tomorrow . We'll kind of see from there . So she ended up getting surgery and after her surgery . Her heart rate was going all over the place .

Her blood pressure was super low . She ended up getting not just pneumonia but double pneumonia . So she ended up getting moved into

the ICU . So Taryn and I went and visited on Sunday . So we drove down Sunday morning and we spent some time down there and after seeing my grandmother and thinking to myself , okay , what I mean ? A lot of things could happen here . Double pneumonia for somebody who's almost 90 . That's not good . How old is Mima ? 86 . Soon to be 87 .

I believe she's either 86 or 87 . And obviously that's pretty serious and when you're in the ICU that's not a good sign . The ICU is that's where you go when things are really , really bad . So we left , taryn and I left , and we got in the car and we were driving home and I was shook . I was like I don't know . I don't know what to do .

We obviously this is a piece of it , right we invested a lot of money into this trip and I'm afraid of that and I don't want to let Taryn down . I'm afraid of that and I don't want to let my family down . I'm afraid of that . So there's a lot of things going on in my mind and I told Taryn . I said I don't know what to do . I don't know .

I can't imagine us not going on this trip , but I also can't imagine us not being close in case something happens . And I'm going through what would I regret more ? And I'm just trying to figure it out . So we ended up I got ice cream that night Because Taryn's like , why don't you get some ice cream on the way home ?

I'll run into Whole Foods and get you some ice cream . And I was like , yeah , the sweetest . And I said I'm going to call Alan . I got to call Alan and get some input and she said I figured you would . I figured at some stage you'd call Alan . So I called Alan , I texted him I think I texted you and said hey brother , I got something .

I got to ask you . I think you're at the lake , but I'll call you in if you answer your answer . So I called Alan . He didn't answer because he was at the lake . And then I left him a voicemail and it was something along .

She said I think we have to . I think that's the best thing . She said I'm good with it . If you're good with it , we'll try to recoup as much money as we can . We got to be here just in case something happens , because I know you really regret that . You'd really really regret that .

So we ended up , we ended up canceling the trip and I texted my mom and told her and I told my grandmother . My grandmother was mad at me , even though I knew she wouldn't be eventually . But the reason we're doing this episode and the reason I called Alan is because I didn't trust myself to make the decision . In the beginning .

I was thinking I don't know what would Taren do . Okay , that's what Taren would do . Okay , what would Alan do ? I called Alan to see what Alan would do . I almost called Matt . I was going to call Matt and see what Matt would do . I was just looking for direction . I was looking .

What I really think I was looking for is somebody to say the decision you want to make is okay , regardless of what the decision was really . But I did want to stay and that's where this episode came from . How much do you trust yourself ? It got to the point where , when Alan didn't answer the phone and Taren gave me her opinion , I said you know what ?

I'm going to text my mom , I'm going to text my grandmother and I'm going to say we're not going on the trip . And I knew my mom would tell me to go . I've never been . My mom doesn't guilt me into things . My grandmother doesn't guilt me into things . They tell me to go do my thing . But my mom was like you have to go . You have to go on this trip .

Go on this trip . You'll regret it if you don't go on this trip . And I said I don't care , I'm not going . You guys can both be mad at me . I don't care , I'm not going . I have to do what's right for me and I believe this is what's right for me and I believe this is what's right for our family at the end of the day .

So I didn't end up going and now Mima's out of the ICU and she's in rehab for a hip . So things are looking up and I'm very , very grateful for that . But the thought is I had that moment where I said I just have to trust myself .

And in this moment , me trusting myself is sending a difficult text message to my mom and saying look , I know you might be frustrated , I know Mima's going to be frustrated if I don't go on this trip , but Tara and I have already talked about it .

We're good with it , we've come to terms with it and we trust the decision that we made and that's the way it's going to be Now . Compare that to I don't know three years ago , when I would literally text Alan and say hey , man , I'm about to send an email to a potential client . Can you look it over before I send it ?

Or hey , alan , I got a contract for the venue or something . Can you please take a look at it before I pay it ? Or whatever it is . I was always looking for support , direction , whatever it may be . Many of the times I was doing that . It was the right thing to do , because you had way more experience in that , so that made total sense .

But now I send emails every day and involving amounts of money and all sorts of stuff . I don't really talk to you at all in the day anymore , and that's changed a lot . That's the thought in this episode . Do you trust yourself enough ? Do you trust yourself too much ? Do you make decisions without consulting people ? Should you consult people more ?

Should you consult people less ? I consulted people that I trusted and I ended up landing on the answer that I felt was right . But I can imagine in other scenarios , a less developed , mature version of Kevin might have made a different decision based on not wanting to reach out and help or reach out and ask for help .

So that is today's episode on a nutshell .

That's a very yeah , it's a vulnerable thing to do , a courageous thing to do .

On one side of the pendulum you have people who don't believe in themselves enough and they don't believe they don't trust themselves , they don't have

self-trust , they don't they don't trust themselves to make the choice . And then you have people on the far right side which trust themselves , regardless of their competence or their awareness or their capabilities . So I often use the example of a car . If my car breaks down , I trust my mechanic .

I don't trust myself at all because I know my awareness in cars is zero . If this computer were to break , I would trust myself at probably an eight or a nine . And then I have a couple people that I would reach out to if I couldn't figure it out . I think this is all self-awareness .

I think you had to have the self-awareness of I'm ready to make this choice and the humility of I'm going to ask for help as well , and so I do . I believe some people out there never ask for help and they desperately need it .

You know they're , they're struggling , they are addicted to drugs or alcohol , maybe they're addicted to food , they have a problem , they need a therapist , they need help , but they're too prideful , too stubborn , too arrogant in some cases to ask for help .

They don't have the level of humility , courage and vulnerability most important vulnerability to be like listen I , you've done really well in this arena and I am not doing well . Can you please help me ?

And I think on the other end there's people who are super competent , super amazing , and they totally should just trust their own intuition and they should move forward and Shout out to Jerry and Jerry ends my new executive admin and I told her . She said we were on the phone earlier .

I said , jerry , and I would rather you ask for forgiveness than for permission . I'm momentum over everything I said . I understand that you're going to fail forward . I know you're going to make mistakes . I don't care , it's not a big deal .

I would rather you not sit there and wait to make a choice like just , you are amazing , just run with it , just go with it . And if I notice something that is off or that I wouldn't have said or wouldn't have done , or I think you've made a mistake or something wasn't optimal , I'll just bring it up .

It's all good , most likely 90% of the time you're going to make the right choice and we're going to gain momentum because you're not going to be sitting there waiting for me because , quite frankly , I'm not going to be able to respond as as much as you're going to need . And so I think that's .

The question here is , I think early in the journey , kevin was probably not confident enough and probably didn't trust himself enough , and now you trust yourself all the time and , I think , probably the right amount , because sometimes you still ask for help but other times you don't , and I think all of us need to check in with where am I in this ? Emilia ?

I'll ask her for advice pretty regularly actually , and then she'll usually give me advice of what do you think you know , what do you think you should do , or you already know the answer .

And then other times it's not that it's you know , I think you should probably do this , and it's going to the right person at the right time and it's knowing when you already know the best choice .

So we were doing that together . That was pretty much a speech Group coaching together every other week . We meet up every single month . At least one team call whether it's out here , jeffing or the team huddle every week and for a long time we were interviewing guests together . We were going on shows together . We were doing speeches together .

We were doing events together . When I started to do my own thing for lack of better phrasing , I didn't have to check in and say , hey , what do you think of this ? Now , there are benefits to that , for sure . There's also detriments . I probably made mistakes that I wouldn't have made if I was

still doing it with you , but that I really think there is a key to this that connects to confidence that I never really understood , if confidence , if a piece of confidence , is being able or having the capability to figure something out , because I think that's a piece of confidence . How confident are you can pick this lock ?

It's like I could probably figure it out . Okay cool , you're probably somewhat confident . If somebody is there and you have to use them as training wheels , I think it's hard to build the confidence until

I won't say it's hard to build the confidence . You can build confidence that way , but it's not until they give you the push and you're on your own on a bicycle and you're staying up by yourself that you understand how it really works . I think because I've done . I went to Florida by myself to do a speech on podcasting . I never , I never expected that .

I loved it . I loved doing it by myself because I felt like I could trust myself . I can go to the airport and do all that and do this Airbnb and do this rental car thing and go to the venue and all that . That's going to be fun . I've done this enough times . I don't know what that means , whether you're watching or listening .

Maybe it's time to check in on that when . Imagine this . Imagine you get a new job and you only get one week of training and it's not enough .

When you start going on your own , you don't trust yourself at all and you don't think you know what you're doing , or you end up getting eight weeks of training and by the end of it it's like I know what I'm doing . I don't need this person to train me . Where are you in your life and where are you experiencing this ?

For me , it all happened by accident with this trip . That's where a lot of this came from this guy . I have a lot of trust in myself compared to what I used to . If I didn't have that experience , I don't know if I would have checked in on this .

My next level nugget would be where can you check in on this for yourself and what kind of progress or lack thereof do you see ?

In the beginning you were less confident . No , no , no . You were probably pretty on point with the level of competence and confidence . We joke about the email and sales call where we lost a big client . I had said don't do that . You did .

I was less competent than I was confident . The half marathon was easy . The full marathon was awful . It was like so much worse than I thought . So I was more

confident than I was competent . I think now in podcasting , I'm probably more competent than I am confident . And one thing that , yeah , thank you . I think it's a weird end for me to be on on the drive to five .

I'm not used to this end because it's like I intellectually know I'm a strong speaker , but I'm also more aware of how far I have to go , so it's been interesting . But Check in with yourselves . Where are you at with these things ? And If you think you're more confident than you are competent , you probably should humble yourself and ask for help .

And Then , if you ask someone who is aware of where you're at , they're gonna tell you you , you're good , you got this , like I did with Jerry in , or like I've done with you . There was a time in our journey where it was like dude , you're good , you don't even have to ask .

I remember you and I were about to go on Evan Carmichael's YouTube channel and I was like Kev , I don't think you need notes , man , don't worry about notes , it's canvas . And I said you're ready , you are , and I think we did a really good job . I was terrified .

I feel like that would be arrogant .

I don't want to be rude and it's not my place to say that , but I've also met people where I get off . I Said that to somebody the other day . I was like you're amazing at this . You got to believe in yourself a little bit more . Yeah , you're good , you're good . Stop over thinking everything you do , you're really good at this .

You're really good at this .

Of course you can . Just because you haven't yet doesn't mean you never can , especially if you continue doing things the way you are . You might never , but you you got to put yourself out there . Come on , what are we doing ? Let's go out . That's wonderful , because that person doesn't have the same limiting beliefs you have .

So that's another Beautiful thing of having people around you . That's that's why the community is so important , because I could have reached out to a bunch of people .

I chose to reach out to one and Taryn to , because I trusted that , and I've reached out to those people for their opinions many , many times before and I haven't been steered wrong , to my knowledge . I'm sure I Heard things I didn't want to hear , but it doesn't mean it's wrong .

Maybe I have looked weak in the week in the past , but I don't think so because I think that was the right thing to do . I don't I don't know how to send an email to a mentor who I Don't know . I've never had a mentor before I and I don't send emails that often I'm gonna bomb this whole thing . I'm gonna take this right off the trail .

See her , if you let me do this . So yeah , there's there's a reason . There's a reason . There's a pilot and a co-pilot and there's a reason . A new pilot doesn't fly the plane by themselves . There's a reason . There's reasons for all of that because they're not ready . They don't have the , the trust yet . They don't have the trust to handle the situation yet .

Exactly , I was in flow , but whether you're watching or listening , you remember I gave you one , but probably about 13 minutes in so , because I had an 11 minute epic prologue , monologue , monologue , and then I went into my next level . Nugget , you were probably I don't know what's for dinner tonight . You're probably thinking about the crock pot .

I'm chicken or rice tonight . What do you have it ?

Not as many as allen . I've had many coaches and I am blessed because I have had every day free coaching for the last six years . I've had to pay with pieces of my sanity Physical , mental , emotional and spiritual for sure but allen's the best coach I've ever had the opportunity to be on the other side of a coaching call with .

So if you're looking for a coach and you listen to this podcast , I would suggest allen . Even over myself , believe it or not , I'm a darn good coach , but allen connects dots in ways that I am just not capable of doing .

So we'll have allen's free 30 minute link in the show notes , and if you've ever wanted to connect with allen behind the scenes , now is a great time to do it .

So another thing that I do every single day other than Mentor and coach kev and mastermind with kev , which I guess isn't really every day , but it's pretty off pretty much , pretty much every day , if you want to track habits and this is something we do in my coaching as well so if you want to coach with me , we will be tracking habits .

Fyi , so we have an app called optimal , and the idea of optimal is to Essentially make sure you have optimal habits in the direction of your goals and dreams . I use it every single day .

If you go to my instagram story or my facebook story , every single day , you will see hashtag habit tracking , hashtag 1 improvement per day and you can see the screenshot of the green light , yellow light , red light . Did I do it ? Did I kind of do it ? Did I not do it ? It's simple , it's clear , it's powerful .

So click the link in the show notes to check it out . We have a whole landing page , we've got a video and you can download the app and track your habits .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at nlu we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .