#1397 - Who Are Your Role Models?

Today for episode number 1397 . Who are your role models ? Alan and I have talked a lot about our upbringings in our past , in our histories and the things that we have been through , and I think one of the common Themes that Alan and I have together is we didn't have a lot of role models . We had people who tried really hard .

We had people who maybe we did look up to at the time , but now we're at a certain age where we can say , okay , well , why did we actually look up to those people ? Was it because there was nobody else around ? Was it because they had nice things ? Maybe you value intelligence and they were intelligent , or you valued money and they had money .

This is a question that I wish . I wish I asked myself sooner , not just so I could find new role models , but so I could understand why the role models I had , or actually the role models that maybe I had and so that you can kind of take people off the pedestal who haven't earned it . That has been an interesting Interesting there .

It is one of the most valuable things about this journey , this podcast journey , this business journey , interviewing so many people . We have seen behind the scenes of some very successful people and we have , excuse me , realize pretty quickly that there are certain things we don't look up to about them . I it's interesting . Jesus , there it is again .

I gotta stop saying it now that I , now that I hear it , I'll never unhear it .

Again , we've had amazing mentors and we've been surrounded by a lot of amazing people , but the More time you spend around someone , the closer you get to someone , the closer you get to the truth . My goal in this episode is for you to ask yourself a simple question why do I look up to the people that I look up to ? Is it Fully intentional ?

Is it to the detriment of your character ? Is it really what's best for you ? That's really my thought process for this episode .

, and you realize over time that as you grow and grow and grow and learn and learn and learn , you become more conscious , more capable Exponentially , and that's what and I'll use all about . So of course we're practicing what we preach and then eventually you Realize that a lot of the people that you looked up to we're not doing that .

That's been the hardest part for me is to . In the last episode we talked a lot about old world and how hard it can be to go to new world . But once you've been in new world for a long time for lack of better phrasing Going back to old world can be very alarming . It can be very oh Wow . So I Used to look up to you

and I realize in hindsight that maybe that wasn't what was best for me , and so I Do think everyone needs heroes . I think for me . I use fictional characters . I I used people that I knew in my life and I think that Everybody can be a hero for a chapter . But I think you have to constantly reevaluate this , like who do you look up to ?

Why do you look up to them ? Who inspires you ? Who do you admire and why ? And what are the strengths and weaknesses ? I think that we're all warnings and examples . We're all an example in something and a warning in another . For me , self-confidence and self-belief , I would say I'm an example , but for arrogance , I would say I'm a warning .

You know , for other people , there's a strength that comes with every weakness and there's a weakness that comes with every strength . And we don't talk about this enough in our day-to-day life . We do on the podcast all the time . But there's this idea of a character diamond , and at the top of the diamond , kev , there's the character's strengths .

And in storytelling and film and books , novelists , they all know this character diamond , they know this understanding and on this diamond there's the top , which is the strengths . So every superhero , you can think of their strengths , but that strength comes with a weakness as well .

So , for example , if compassion is the strength , being taken advantage of is likely the weakness . Being naive is likely the weakness . Emilia talks about her compassionate bone and how sometimes she always wants to see the best in people and be there for them , and then they take advantage of that , you know . So every strength comes with a weakness .

Every weakness has a potential strength within it , and that's why every superman has a has a kryptonite , every superwoman has a kryptonite , every superhero has a kryptonite . And so whoever your heroes are , whoever your mentors are I mean , I have mentors I've had , probably . I'll give this story . I was an electrical and computer engineer .

I graduated with my bachelor's degree . This was back in 2011 . And I was considering whether or not I wanted to go into corporate or I wanted to stay in school to get my graduate degree . And I remember I sent an email to one of my past mentors and I asked what would you do ?

And in hindsight , I've recently run into that mentor of mine and I had this moment , this real moment of I should not have asked you . And it wasn't from a place of negativity , it wasn't from a place of you're not amazing , still in your own right . It was from a place of you don't know what is best in corporate .

You never had my goals , you never had my dreams , you never knew . I was asking for advice from people who didn't really know . It's kind of like you go to a new city or you go to a new town or you go to a new state or you go to a new country and imagine , imagine asking , hey , you know where's this restaurant ?

And that person says I'm from out of town . I don't know . I was asking people who were from out of town for directions and I didn't realize I was doing that . I just figured they knew and I just what I didn't know is how little they knew . That was my kryptonite and the strength in that is wow .

It turns out I knew more than I thought and I grew more than I thought and I'm more aware than I thought , and that's , for me , been fascinating . I've had a lot of coaches and mentors and Kevin and I have interviewed people , a lot of people on the show .

One of the reasons we don't interview people anymore , quite frankly , is because in some ways , we've outgrown a lot of the people we used to interview , and that's very , very hard to share , and I mean personal growth , I don't mean necessarily financially or in their unique genius zone . I think there's something to learn from everyone .

Everyone's a warning and an example and there's no one I can't learn from . But when it comes to what we're showing , we're not going to be able to do that . But when it comes to what we're shooting for and our character and holistic self-improvement health , wealth and love and I talk all the time about how I've seen people that are healthy and not wealthy .

I've seen people that are wealthy and not healthy . I've seen people that are healthy and wealthy but they're certainly not in love , and there's very few people who I consider healthy , wealthy and in love at the level that I aspire to , and I think that that's probably true for a lot of our listeners .

So I think all of you out there are in one of the two places Either you're like me and you looked up too much and too often to too many people , or you're like Kev , and maybe you didn't look up enough and maybe you didn't have enough mentors or coaches . You know , I have a therapist . Her name's Carol . She's amazing .

She guides me , but not in every area . She guides me in the area that she's an expert in , and I think that if you can kind of look at the strengths and weaknesses of everyone and yourself . You can really choose your heroes wisely for a purpose beyond yourself , and I've finally got that kind of figured out .

I even tell one of my clients he's 17 years old and I say I am not . I'm a warning and an example and I'll give you the truth about myself . Like I'm hardworking ,

I'm definitely super curious , I'm a little bit obsessive . You know I have strengths , but you got to be careful because I have weaknesses too and you can't just blindly follow me .

You have to learn yourself along the way , and there's a lot that I can teach you that you need to apply to yourself uniquely , and that goes for every listener as well , and so hopefully that's helpful .

I remember we used to go we're gonna do an episode on that , yeah yeah , I used to go camping with this family and at the time I thought everything was rosy . And I looked up to this family and I remember . Now in retrospect , it's like the , the father in the family . I don't know if I've ever met somebody who swore as much as he did .

His sense passed away and Looking back it's like , oh man , that family was not healthy and I spent a lot of time around that family a lot of time and maybe in not super safe environments . Upon reflection now , and it's just , you don't really feel like you have a choice in the matter . It was almost by accident .

Who are the people around that maybe have some positive Trates that I can look up to ? I definitely wish I was more intentional with us .

I have a teacher , christine , prior oh my god , like favorite teacher of all time and Anyone in your life who you are looking to for guidance . I would consider a mentor in this context . So you can either have no mentors available or you cannot believe in mentors .

I have some clients who one of them is literally asking like I don't think I've ever looked up to anyone . I think I need to start looking up to people and I honestly I Think it's a dangerous game , but I think it's important . It's almost like a Mentors or tools . They're not like end all Beals , it's . It's kind of like going to the gym .

It's like you've got bench press and you've got Squats and you've got deadlifts , so you can't have one exercise that you just do on repeat and expect to be a well-rounded , rich , dynamic person .

Same with mentors you have to have some in different areas and I think you know everyone should , should consider Therapy , everyone should consider a coach , everyone should consider mentors , and the mentors should be diverse .

I think you know I consider Emilia a huge mentor of mine in certain areas that she's better in In her work emotional intelligence , you know , emotional regulation , for sure . And then there's other mentors that I have in business , and then there's , you know , other mentors that I haven't fitness .

I used to , I think lately I've become sort of the mentor in that arena , which has been hard for me , quite frankly . But I think that If you're out there and you feel like you're lacking mentors , like Kevin , what would you share ?

I would say , ask yourself why is this person actually a role model ? What is it about them ? That's pretty much what we open the episode up with . Is it the fact that they make a lot of money and you want to make a lot of money ? Is it the fact that they have a really good relationship ? Is it the fact that they work really hard ?

In retrospect , a lot of the people that I looked up to were people that worked really hard , but they also had their demons behind the scenes that I didn't understand when I was young . Now again , not making that wrong , not shaming them for that I just didn't understand it .

Then , when you become more aware and you look back , you say , oh my goodness , was all of that , was any of that ? What I thought it was ? Was all of that ? What I thought it was , was some of it , what I thought it was ? Then it makes you have a new perspective around . It's almost like now . I'm gun shy .

I've been disappointed so many times that I don't even know if I see the benefit anymore . I think that's kind of where I am . I feel like I have a pretty positive relationship with it . So if I sound down about it , it's not really how I feel . It's just

something I haven't really explored that deeply before .

We all kind of have to be our own sort of scientist in the sense of okay , let me give that a shot , and I know maybe that wasn't it for me . It's so challenging . Honestly , I get it . I get why a lot of people feel so lost . I really do .

There's so many books . They all say different , sometimes contrary , things , but you've got to resonate with the book and the author too .

For me it was never super well connected , but again , I didn't go to college . I wasn't somebody who valued it , so maybe that's more of a me thing .

Is it , you know , business leaders ? Is it famous people ? We were talking earlier , kevin and myself , and you know a lot of my heroes for lack of a better phrasing have fallen from the pedestal a little bit . And what's a good example of that ? Growing up , I was always very drawn to Matthew McConaughey as an actor .

He was someone who was charismatic and attractive and , I don't know , he was a male role model to me , unconsciously , and maybe consciously too . And then he came out with a book called Green Lights and I read the whole book . I couldn't put it down . It was very well written , but there's a lot of junk there too .

And it's not like anything against Matthew McConaughey necessarily . I don't know his life and I do to the extent that he shared in the book , but at some point you've got to outgrow looking up , because at some point you're . If you've ever seen Star Wars , there's a master and there's an apprentice .

You know , and at some point you've got to become the master of your own destiny , your own life , your own choices . You can't look up forever .

depends on why do you look up to the person ? I really think that's gonna be my next level nugget for today's episode why , what is it about the person that you look up to ? I watched UFC last Saturday if you're listening to this , it was the previous Saturday and One of the fighters it was his retirement fight he's my favorite fighter , robbie Lawler .

I'm amazing , amazing fighter . He is as tough as they come wise here . He's super humble to the point where they were . He almost didn't tell anybody he was gonna retire and he's . He's a Hall of Fame fighter . He is . He has been in three of the fight of the years , so he's been in some of the best fights ever to happen in mixed martial arts .

He's incredible and he he said I wasn't gonna tell anybody , like I , but I felt like people deserve to know . He's like but even me saying that is weird . He's just very , very humble for somebody who is so world-class and that's why I looked up to him . Taryn Literally said to me she said are you gonna cry if he loses ?

I was like , absolutely I'm gonna cry if you wins . And he won , knock the guy out in the first round . But then they played this really nice video for him . Yeah and they've never done that before .

And we had another friend over Brian and it was amazing , but and he was crying in the octagon and they literally said they said it's very rare for us to see that level of emotion for Robbie . That's why I look up to him . He's , he's very , he seems very positive , he seems like a , he seems like somebody who is doing things for the right reasons .

He's not toxic , he doesn't talk trash , he just goes in , he gets the job done and leaves , and that's how he's always been . I look up to that a lot . But here's the thing what if he's too humble ? What if he's self deprecating ?

Yeah , I was lower vibe when I when I came across Joe Rogan and nothing against Joe Rogan . I do think he's probably on the higher end of character , honestly . Yeah , but it's just , I don't resonate with it anymore . I've outgrown .

I Made this fascinating joke to Kevin years ago 27 years ago I believe it was 27 , 20 , I think it was 1776 now . But I said , kev , by the time you go on Joe Rogan , you , it won't be that big of a deal and what's fascinating is You've evolved so much by the time you get the opportunity . You might not even want the opportunity .

That's fair and that's just such an interesting . That's the growth journey right there .

Right , I mean by the time you , I Mean I remember when I was a young boy there were certain girls that I really , really , really wanted their attention and by the time I got their attention I was like I don't even want your attention anymore and that's the weird duality of life , it's like . I Remember this and I'll share this Vulnerably on the show .

I remember , before meeting Emilia , I said I'm never gonna make an intimate decision based on the physical anymore , because that was always , quite frankly , I always wanted to date pretty beautiful women and that was my thing , and eventually that wasn't working , like I kept .

You know that wasn't working and I was like you know what I'm going on mental , emotional and spiritual . From now on , I will not make any intimate Decisions based on just the physical . Based on physical first is what I used to say .

Obviously it wasn't just physical , but you know I'm saying , and so what's ironic about that is that I ended up with Emilia and it was based entirely on mental , emotional and spiritual , and she ended up being the most physically attractive woman I've ever been with .

And so it's crazy how things work out you know , in life and that's the one thing that I find I can understand , kev why some people get results beyond what they thought they would , and then they have to explain it more spiritually and Because I didn't expect that , I didn't design that this is , my relationship with Emilia is beyond what I honestly thought was

possible , whereas some of this stuff was very by design . Yeah you know , and that wasn't really by design , it still kind of was because I told Kevin like I'm never , I'm never settling again . I , I need someone who is more growth oriented and has bigger goals and dreams than me . And I remember you saying you know , good look .

Yeah , like who has bigger goals and dreams than you , and I was like it's gotta be , you know , it's gotta be a thing and and it was so holy crap . And my point , to bring this full circle here , is you grow and you evolve and what you aspire to changes , and so who you look up to has to change and what you value about them has to change .

And then you meet these people and you realize Okay , so you're just another person and that's okay , but you have strengths and weaknesses , and I've met so many of my heroes at this stage . Some of them have kept . It's been like holy crap , you're even better of a person than I thought .

And other people are like , oh , wow , you're not as good of a person as I thought , as I hoped , but all of it was a figment of my imagination , because you only have the data you have . And the last piece I'll share before that Kevin talk again

is you listen to this show , whether on YouTube or Apple podcast or Spotify ? You either resonate more with me or with Kev . That's okay . That's the way the world works . No one resonates equally with Kevin and myself . There are a lot of people who looked up to Kev in the beginning who now look more up to me .

And then there's a lot of people who looked up to me who now are starting to resonate more with Kev , and that's that's part of the growth journey and I think , on some level , if you Originally resonate more with me , you probably need to resonate more with Kev , because that will round you out and help you be more holistic .

And if you resonate more with Kev , you probably need some more of me , because I'm more of the . I call it stem buff science , technology , engineering and mathematics , business and finance . Emilia thought that was hilarious .

She's like that's the worst acronym I've ever heard in my entire life stem buff but that if you don't resonate with science , technology , engineering , mathematics , business and finance , you'd probably benefit from learning for me , and if you aren't focused on character , I benefited a ton from Kev .

You know I was always focused on achievement and goals and success and that came very naturally to me . Kevin was always focused on character to his point earlier and so that came very naturally to him .

Relationships and character was Kevin's genius zone and for me it was success and achievement , and so we both now are more well-rounded men Because of each other , and hopefully that can happen for the men and women and anyone listening . I appreciate that very much .

Last thing I'll say before we go , because I know we're we're deep in this one .

I'm grateful you and I had as many mentors as we did , because we got to see , we get to experiment and I think that really helped us build our self-worth , moving on from people who didn't necessarily serve us at the level that we thought in the beginning and getting over the oh my goodness , you know , this person has a successful business , or this person is

really good at podcasting , yeah the speaker or whatever it is . I think that really helped us , because that's not why . Maybe that's why we got them , because they were successful and that attracted us to them , but that's not enough to keep somebody a mentor role .

That's a self-worth journey in and of itself , right in , regardless of how many mistakes we've made in that I'm getting well , we have . Sometimes you have to leave opportunities on the table to stay in aligned relationships , and that's what we've done . And so you no , you know you , whether you're doing physical work , just jump ahead and get to work .

Ayudar , you know to bring this full circle . Who do you look up to ? Why do you look up to them ? What are the strengths they have , what are the weaknesses that come with it , and how do you take some of that and leave the stuff that's ?

I said early on I used to just give my cell phone number out and I would say let's hop on a FaceTime . I'm not gonna sell you anything because I don't have anything to sell you . I'm not a coach or anything . I just wanna talk to the community and I really think that has helped us get to know you .

If you're watching or listening at a very deep level , create episodes that hopefully are valuable , that you resonate with . It's because we know you and we've gotten the opportunity to speak to you one-on-one or group coaching , book club , whatever it is . We haven't been doing as good of a job with that Full transparency , full disclosure .

We've been dropping the ball on that . So what we're gonna do now is we are going to put Alan's Calendly link in the show notes . This is a free 30 minute next level breakthrough session . It's not a sales call , it's not for any of that . It's just so Alan can get to know you .

I would do it , but I am super focused on the podcast side of things and I wanna make sure I can actually show up , so right now it probably won't work for me , but Alan is going to take the lead on that . We have built this entire thing on knowing you and serving you and we wanna make sure that we're doing the best job possible .

So if you have ever thought about reaching out on social media , joining something , this is a great opportunity to do it , completely behind the scenes . Again , it's not a sales call or anything like that . We just want to know you and add value to your life . You can show up and say , hey , I have a question about this .

What would you say is a good choice for this ? This going to who are your role models ? If you feel like Alan could be a role model , reach out , because you never know what can happen .

So all of those listener calls have been honestly amazing . Kevin and I look back and we spend a lot of our time on a lot of different things invest , I should say , and that's one of the most valuable hands down . So we wanna do it again and so please book .

We might not always be able to do this , but right now we can , so please book as soon as possible . My calendar is stretched very thin , but , again , I can't wait to meet you Also . Okay , I have a blog that comes out every other week . Click the link in the show notes . It'll take you to our website . There's six blogs that are done right now .

These blogs are taking some of the concepts that we talk about on the podcast and creating and how to . They're all how to . Every single blog starts with how to , how to blank , blank , blank , how to fail your way to success , how to streamline your dreams . How to ? Because Kevin has helped me understand that the how to is where a lot of people get stuck .

It's like , okay , go get a mentor , Well , how ? So all of the blogs are always gonna be how to . Because I do think how to comes natural to me as an engineer and hopefully I can help it come naturally to you .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .