#1393 - When You Change… EVERYTHING Else Does Too

Are you the opposite of arrogant Today ? for episode number 1393 . Happy Monday . When you change , everything else does too . Had a very interesting moment the other day . I was on a podcast and it's interesting because this person , when I logged on , said , hey , you've had some pretty successful people on your show .

And I was like , yeah , we've been very blessed and we've worked really hard to interview some amazing people . And he was like , oh yeah , i know , you know Jerick Robbins , i know him , he's kind of a buddy of mine . I was like , oh , interesting , awesome , this guy's like next level . And then he said something that was just like toxic .

It wasn't terrible , it was just like a high school locker room joke , just like a guy to guy , high school .

And it's like and I'm very proud of myself , alan , because normally I would have pretended to laugh , you know how you and I like , for us it was a really challenging thing not to break rapport with somebody , even if we were out of alignment very early on . I just moved on to something else . I just I didn't even acknowledge it .

I'm not going to go there with you , i'm not interested . I'm not interested in doing that , like that's not why I'm here And I had this , this very interesting moment . that was the thought behind this episode . I've changed a lot as a man and I have a lot

to work on always and forever . But that person is no different than they were . Let's just say , hypothetically , i saw that person a year ago and then I saw that person again today .

If I am turned off now or it's outside of alignment now , it doesn't mean they've gotten quote , unquote worse , it doesn't mean they've changed in any way , shape or form , but I changed . So when I change , everything around me changes . My perception of everything changes . Everything is completely different .

That is something that might be a level two out of 10 outside of alignment five years ago And now it's a level eight out of 10 . Misalignment , misalignment where I just not interested . So much so what changed A character , my character . I know the downside of what's below that .

I was like I might just go , but it ended up being valuable and it was good . It was a good experience for me , it was good lessons And I'm glad I stayed . But I learned a lot in that moment about that where I mean I might have met that person at this point last year and I might not have been turned off or not to the level I was .

I might not have been misaligned to the level I was . And it's very , it's very interesting . I had this thought today when I was talking to somebody on a podcast . I said one of the reasons relationships are so hard is because , as you change , your core values , change your core beliefs .

Your core beliefs change , your core aspirations change And if the people around you don't change theirs , that's where things start to create distance . And when people say you've changed , you know what they're saying . You've changed your core values . You've changed your core beliefs . You've changed your core aspirations . You've changed the way you show up .

You've changed the amount of time you're giving me . You've changed the way you give feedback , whatever . You're more confident , you're more secure , you have a higher level of self-worth . I think we believe at a deep level that when we change , everything around us is going to change too . But everything does change .

But it's not because everything else is changing , it's just our perception of it . Does that make sense ? Yeah , i can't expect you to change , but when I change and something happens within me , everything between you and I is just a little bit different . Now . Not because you've changed Because I change and now I see things differently .

So I don't know , i guess we didn't set an intention before this episode , but my intention for this would be to have a hyper-conscious conversation around that , around the process of changing and sometimes , the potential struggles that come with it . Sometimes you're going to see stuff change that you don't want to Definitely Right , you're going to .

When you become aware of certain things , certain things are really painful , like , oh , i'm never going to be able to do that again . I most likely I remember Alan and I went

ice skating when Alan lived at his old house . When I took my ice skates off , i was like , well , that was cool , that was the last time I'll ever skate , and I was joking . But that was five years ago and I haven't skated since . That's kind of sucks . It kind of sucks .

And transformation is essentially taking challenge and adversity , learning from it and then also developing yourself through it . So you go to the gym , you lift heavy weights and you transform your body .

This also goes for emotional development , mental development , spiritual development And , at the end of the day , whenever you transform , every interaction you have with every person , place , thing or idea also transforms . I was with an NLUT member earlier and she got a new microphone .

Jesse , shout out to Jesse , jesse got a new microphone based on your suggestion And she went back to old content and she couldn't even listen to it . She's like oh my god , my old audio quality is so terrible . and I had this really cool moment with her of like And I said this verbatim .

I said oh yeah , if your old content isn't cringe worthy , you're doing something wrong . Our old content is just awful In comparison to this content , minus the audio quality right now , because we're dealing with some popping issues . Yes , we are which drive Kevin crazy .

I mean , think of the hundreds of books Emile and I have read and then we're condensing these concepts into something powerful that you can take away and implement now in your relationship . It's changed my relationship , for sure , and we're coaching people so we have like real , on the ground floor level stuff to give .

But I made the huge mistake of reviewing this show Right before I reviewed the conscious couples podcast . These are both my podcasts Okay , kevin and I are coming up on 1400 episodes , all of which we've learned and grown and failed and transformed as individuals but also as podcasters . And then I I reviewed .

I remember I switched from one of our episodes immediately over to the conscious couples and I went from , i think , episode 13 , 85 or something of our show to episode 74 of the conscious couples podcast and It was very hard for me And here's why what I should have done is listened to episode 74 of our show and Then listened to 74 of the conscious couples

podcast , and I'm certain Emile and I are better than you and I were back then . There's no question . No , it's certainly me , because I have all the reps in between . Right .

But here's my point you transform and Then you are viewing the same content But from a different lens , from a different perspective , from a different awareness , and I love the analogy of watching Finding Nemo or whatever other kids movie .

When you're an adult , you real has there's some really funny , awesome stuff in there that you didn't recognize as a kid , and So you're not seeing something in the movie that wasn't there before . You're seeing something in yourself that wasn't there before , because you have grown , you have evolved , you have transformed .

I Remember going from lanky , six-foot-two , skinny , fat , not fit , not strong , not confident in my physique , to 220 pounds in a six-month period , and A lot of that was fat that I gained . But I did get much stronger . And I remember feeling so different . People treated me so different . It's like drastic how much everything changes when you change .

And One thing I want to share with everyone as well when you transform , not everyone will react positively . They will react either more positively or more negatively . The more you transform this is something I've come to recently the more you transform and grow into your greatest version of yourself , the next level version of yourself , the more polarizing you are .

So , for example , fitness anyone who adores fitness is going to value me much more . Anyone who has deep insecurities about fitness is going to have a weird insecurity around me , and That's just life . The question is not whether or not Person's places , things and ideas are going to react to you , because they all are .

The question is Are you aware and hyper conscious of how these reactions and how these things are transforming or changing around you ? more Importantly , your perception of them , because they're not actually changing . But here's the thing you , you grow , kev . You do an episode with me which forces me to grow , kind of because now I got a hang .

Okay , kevin's no longer okay with Me not Having long , powerful pauses . I'll give you a perfect example . Listeners you'll notice if you've been listening to the show for a while . I used to say um or like all the time . I wasn't good at long pauses . I I really filled everything with ah or um or like

, constantly , so annoying . You had trouble not interrupting me because you're not used to me having long , powerful pauses . Yeah , so I grew as a speaker And it was after I read the 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication by John Maxwell . He has very long pauses . That's not necessarily my style .

I'm not going to pause as long as he does , but you had to adapt to my growth And then that made you grow And it can be this beautiful upward trajectory . But if you were insecure and weren't trying to be a better speaker , you might not want to work with me . And I think that's an analogy that hopefully our listeners can connect to their own life .

Because I'm telling you , when you grow , not everyone's going to react positively and you need to expect that . And the real question is do you stop growing ? because of that I had a call today .

I mean , we booked a call right there and I just went on . I was like all right , let's go to the next thing .

And it's interesting I had this moment of gratitude today where I remember how hard it was to talk to people about business or money or sales , and I don't ever want myself and or the community to lose sight of the fact that this is not a natural thing for me . To talk about sales to people , talk about money , talk about this is how much it cost .

None of that . that's not natural for me . I practiced it and I had a moment today where it was like wow , i've gotten so much better at this . Not necessarily anything particular , just the whole flow of it , just saying , oh yeah , i remember this was you were interested in our services , right ?

And he said , yeah , yeah yeah he said I just want to get more information . And I was like , all right , cool , here we go , boom . It's just different than three years ago Now . I mean , even if you think about the energy around me , talking about what we do is drastically different . I'm not apologetic of well it's yeah , sorry , it actually costs .

It's not that anymore . This is how much it is . This is what we do . Somebody asked me today they said what separates you from somebody else ? And I said we are the most consistent humans on the planet , like we won't miss . We just won't miss , won't happen . And that's what our services are to . We don't miss .

If you're a client we're not going to miss , ever won't happen . That was my answer . I never would say that .

I get a lot of really , really , really kind compliments after I go on shows And it's just now it's starting to become normal , which is great . But as I've changed , the reaction I get from people has changed too And it's just very , very interesting . I never , I never really expected it .

So it's very , it's very humbling And it's just a lot of perspective for me . You know , I feel like we're we're at another level of what we do And I feel like we've changed And now it's , it's just different . So if you ever have a moment like that where things just feel different , you can't explain it .

That's probably one of the reasons why to not too much , but a lot has changed in a very short period of time And you don't know what it means yet . That's , how many growing pains episodes have we done ? Oftentimes it's that right

. We did a growing pain episode a long time ago about I . I have to leave the situation ship I'm in . I changed . I changed so much in the six months I was with that person .

Oh , i can't believe I said that . Yeah , i can't believe I lied about that . I can't believe I blah , blah , blah . Right , i think transformation is gonna change everything around you . The best example I could come up with was quitting drinking For me .

I spent a lot of time in my late teens and early 20s drinking , and after 26 , i kind of after that car accident . I wasn't drinking in the car or anything like that , but after that car accident I decided I was gonna go all in on personal development and fitness and I was gonna stop drinking . And it took me five years to quit .

I kept weddings with my kryptonite for those of you who don't know the story but all of my relationships had to change after that because I wasn't focused on that anymore . I wasn't you and I met I mean , we knew each other growing up . Our story is too complicated , man .

We gotta find a way to it's like well , you guys met for the first time In middle school . Yeah , in middle school , but yet didn't like each other in high school . It's been a journey . Of course , when I say didn't like each other , i mean Kevin didn't like me . We almost fought once on the football field .

But anyways , so fast forward , fast forward , fast forward . I quit drinking and everything that I do and don't do kind of has to shift a bit , and everything that I , every person I hang out with , kind of has to shift .

Even Emilia she I remember it like it was yesterday when I first started dating her she's still every now and then had a glass of wine , and I'm not making alcohol wrong for anyone who wants to drink . You do you . For me it's never really been a huge positive thing .

I remember the last glass of wine she ever had was like probably four or five months into our relationship . Things were getting serious .

She knew I didn't drink and she wasn't a big drinker anyway , but she had partied in college XYZ And she drank red wine and then she I remember her pouring it down the sink and she poured the whole rest of the bottle down the sink and she says I'm done with this now . And I was like why ?

I mean , obviously I support it , but you know why She's like I don't know . It's like poisoning me . I don't want to poison my mind or my body anymore . I was like , okay , and that was great , because I don't drink either . So now we joke . I'm a non-alcoholic alcoholic . I have this sparkling cider that . I've seen it . I've seen it Welch's .

It's the best , it's so good , and I drink it all the time . A little bit of extra sugar , it is what it is . Judge me if you will , but I joke . I'm a non-alcoholic alcoholic Because I drink that stuff all the time . I just don't want water with my meals , man .

at Maybe you're not going to get good at it , maybe your ceiling's lower , maybe my ceiling's lower That I had that moment today where I told Alan I went on a podcast that was like a live radio station . It's just interesting . I've been on a couple of those , but I think this one was actually a pretty large one .

It's just interesting because they say welcome back to K1060 , positive talk radio , with today's guest , kevin Palmieri . In the middle there's a commercial . It's a 56 minute interview , 28 minutes in . There's a commercial on the button too . 28 minutes , perfect . Then welcome back . Today we're talking with Kevin Palmieri .

They do that Today we're talking with Kevin Palmieri a couple of times because people might be tuning in . It was just this weird moment of that . I used to get nervous about that . I don't even think about that anymore . That's just normal . That's just a normal Friday for me . It's so weird . I have Evan Carmichael just messaging me on Instagram all the time .

I messaged Anthony Trucks an audio message . He messaged me back like I don't know , a couple hours later . It's just weird . That stuff for me is just very weird , but it's based on the fact that we've just tried to get good at the stuff that we're doing . That's really .

I had a moment today where it was like what am I going to be really good at five years from today ? That's a very empowering thought . That's a great question .

That's a long period of time and that's a long time perspective Not everybody has . That's very new to me . Even five years , i probably don't fully understand . We've only been doing this for six , so I can't imagine all of this multiplied . That was a very empowering thought for me today . I would share that as the next level nugget .

come , the results that you want in your life ? What's the one skill or thing that you need to get really good at that's going to make the biggest difference . Kevin and I think about if we didn't get good at podcasting . Think if we didn't get better at effective communication , So much of this wouldn't be possible .

We had a monthly meetup last night and I had that moment .

Every now and then I have these moments where we did it on the three things you need to know about your intimate partner , and I've been doing relationship talks , coaching and conscious couples podcast , and I've been studying the intimate relationship arena a lot over the last three and a half years with Emilia .

I had a moment last night , kev , where I was like , oh , i'm like way ahead of him . Nothing against you , it was just a moment of like . I do this every week . I'm talking to couples every week about what they need to know about their partner . You know , it's like if we gave a speech on podcasting , you would have to be like Alan .

Let me lead because this is all I do . You know , and I had that moment of this has really accumulated into a real skill set of mine . I didn't know how well . I know this . Like , intimate relationships were never super easy for me . That was for me . That's wild , because I never expected that .

And so , for the listeners , these results that you want better business , better body , better relationship what's the skill that's going to do it ? What's the thing that you could get really good at that would make the biggest difference ? For Kevin and I ? it's effective communication For you , maybe it's money management For you , maybe it's I don't know .

Maybe you have a gardening business , or maybe it's I have a client of mine who's a vet tech , maybe it's learning about animals . When you become really , really good at something that people value , your life , the opportunities are everywhere , you know .

It's interesting too , last thing , when at one point , even you saying that would have triggered me like oh my God , alan thinks he's better than me at something , or even us going into it . We said that last night . I said you're probably going to run this just FYI , like this is your jam more than I . I'm probably going to take a back seat .

That was so hard for me in the beginning . I was such a challenge to not be the guy or to not seem like I know it all . That's another interesting thing . when you do something long enough , you understand what true power is or what true confidence is .

I said this is you , i don't . I started Canva two weeks ago , like three or four weeks ago . Maybe I'm not a graphic designer Like you . I can give you some feedback , i think this , but at the end of the day you drive , because sometimes I'll catch myself driving and then it's like wait , alan , no , just let her do it . You know what I mean .

So if you feel alone , you are not , and if you are looking for people who are on a similar journey , please join . Next , love Nation Link is in the show notes One of our team members .

And this person typed in the chat . One of the people in one of the team members said I would be in jail or dead And it was like whoa . And then I said to the team that's what we're playing for , like we can transform lives .

So why I'm mentioning that is , if you are eager and ready for real transformation , if you're ready to go deeper , if you're ready to look at the tough stuff , join us for group 11 . It is currently Monday when this is dropping . Yeah , kevin , yes , if there's a spot left , go to the landing page , check if there is . The promo code is NLUListener .

One of our team members is like why don't you just give the promo code ? Obviously they're listeners if they're listening to the show .

The link will be in the show notes . Join us for group 11 . This is last call . This is closing tonight at midnight . So please join us . You will not regret it . You will transform your life and we will help you do that .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family . We'll talk to you all tomorrow .