#1392 - Are You The Opposite Of Arrogant?

Alan I told Alan to stop drinking his GD water right next to the microphone because we could hear it , and he just proceeded to slide away from the camera and drink it .

it is confidence without competence . If What's a good example of that ? If you see me lifting weights and you walk up and say I could lift the amount of weight you lift even though you've never lifted before , that's probably confidence without competence . What are you smiling about , man ? I mean .

I don't remember the exact analogy or example or story I used , but I said it's almost like if you're doing something and you've been doing something for a long period of time and somebody assumes they could do it as good as you , what ? Just happy . You're just happy We got to get this episode done , son . I think that's arrogance .

Arrogance is confidence without competence . Then I said you know what's interesting , i didn't say this on the podcast , when I said this to myself . What is the opposite of that ?

It is competence without confidence , which I definitely experienced in my past , and many , many , many of the people that I have talked to from the community , many of the people I've worked with one-on-one that's where they live . They're very , very competent human beings , but they've never locked in the confidence that comes with being good at something Interesting .

What is that ? I think that's self-deprecation . I don't think it's humility . I think humility actually is in between those two . Where you're confident with competence , you're confident at the level , that you are competent , yeah , that . I think that's what real humility is . So ready . If somebody says you're a really good speaker , thank you so much .

I've worked really hard . I know I'm the best in the world , that's arrogant . I'm not the best in the world , or no , i really suck . That's not true either . In a room with 100 people I'm probably towards the higher end Interesting . I think that's really humility . But my thought process for this episode is I want to talk about why that is .

Arrogance usually happens when somebody hasn't tried something . They haven't been humbled . Really , they haven't been humbled . Maybe we'll say self-deprecation . We can say that Why does that happen ? Because you don't try something , so you don't get belief . Because in your mind it's almost like what's a good analogy for this .

It's almost like the wiring between what you're capable of and what you believe you're capable of is off , so you never try the thing that you'd actually probably be pretty darn good at And then you never get the feedback that oh my goodness , i'm actually better than I thought at that , and then that doesn't build your belief .

If you resonate with that , we can talk about the confidence conundrum and we can talk about all that .

But I really think that is one of the biggest issues is it's you don't feel like you're actually capable , even though you're way more capable than you realize , and you're looking at people who say they're capable but they're not that capable , and you get stuck thinking that you're the worst and you're not good enough and you can never do it , when in reality

you're way better than you realize .

Then , on the far other end of the seesaw is someone who's bolstering themselves up . So imagine , on the seesaw there's the person who's keeping themselves down the heavier one in this and the other person's being bolstered up by the person who's keeping themselves down just had a breakthrough . That's why we're doing this .

So now imagine someone on the far right who's being bolstered up , who is confident without competence , in some ways , maybe to compensate for the person who's competent and not confident , maybe trying to keep them small , unconsciously .

But the reason I mentioned comparison at the beginning of this articulation is because it depends what you compare to . If I'm only ever comparing to the best orators , speakers in the world , i'm not going to think I'm very good . If I only compare to people who are brand new speakers , i'm going to think I'm amazing . Neither one is fully accurate .

So far left of the seesaw is people who keep themselves down , probably because in their childhood they had someone who was bolstering themselves up constantly on the other end of the seesaw . And that's the analogy .

If you were , if you had a sibling , a mother or a father or a caregiver who needed to be the top of the seesaw , who needed to be lifted up on the ego level , you probably purposely self-deprecate .

And then , if you have ever been on the other end of the seesaw where you are confident but not competent , you need to go , take action and get in a room with some bigger fish . And I think that for all of our listeners . Try your best to be accurate , empirically accurate , meaning you're looking at evidence not just from one place but from 360 degrees .

Kevin and I used to do this when we were in person . I would show a water bottle and I would say I'm showing the back end of the water bottle on YouTube to Kevin . He can't see that it says hydrate spark on this side . In order for him to see the whole water bottle , he has to ask me what I see And I have to ask him what he sees .

And I think that that's why we need feedback from all different places in order to actually see where we are accurately . It's interesting how everything is connected to awareness .

of how capable you actually are , you'd probably do more action . If you were aware at how incapable you were , you would probably take more action . Really , this is a very interesting episode for me because I'm having a lot of breakthroughs in real time , a lot of our team . So we have amazing people on our team , amazing humans .

Many of them might have self-identified as not having a lot of belief in themselves When they come on the team . We're just always reminding them of no , you're way better than you think , you're way more capable than you think . You're way more competent than you think . Here's an opportunity . See what happens .

Then they make a mistake , like we all do , and then we say no worries , fail forward , we'll get better as we go . Try again , boom , try it again , try it again , try it again . It's almost like we're in a real world . Try it again . It's almost like that is . The benefit of being surrounded by people who have a ton of belief in themselves .

Is they make you believe in yourself in a way , because they can recognize oh , you're just not taking that many shots . All right , cool , you know what ? Don't even worry about taking shots with your own weapons or taking shots with your own social media . Come do it with us .

You can take a shot , sending an email and see what happens , or posting on Alan's social media , whatever it may be . That's a very interesting thing where , if you care about what you're doing , a lot you're going to and you don't believe you can do it , you're never going to do it .

But if somebody else gives you an opportunity I mean how many you know we've heard people say well , it's easier for me to talk about stuff NLU has going on in my own business . That's why . That's one of the reasons why , because it's not your thing It's .

When you don't try , you do not get any results . Nothing happens Right . You get the same results as you've always gotten . You might regret it , you might feel bad , whatever it is . When you don't get results , you don't get feedback . When you don't get feedback , you don't make a new plan and then you don't try again And you don't get a new identity .

You had to question your limiting identity because you were getting evidence to the contrary . But you wouldn't have gotten that if you didn't have the opportunity .

If you see the gap and you say I don't know , i don't know if I actually can do that yet but you try anyway , you're going to get exposure to something that you

never would have got exposure to before .

I was looking for a system to help me kind of keep track of the things that I had to do every day to make sure that I was productive . I feel like I got so much value out of it And I am so grateful that I took the leap and I decided to join .

that confidence is such a catch 22 . So many of our listeners want to be more confident and they see other people on social media that they think are confident and , trust me , a lot of them are not . But that's neither here nor there . Everyone wants to be quote unquote more confident . Is that fair ? I would say so .

What sucks about confidence is that you need confidence in order to do something bold , but confidence doesn't come until after you do something bold , and so it's this catch 22 of just you're just stuck . It's like Amy Diaz at the mall with you , too afraid to talk to a stranger . Is you , which she wasn't too afraid to do ? So ?

it's like there's the baby step asks you to go with her to the mall and talk to a stranger . Talks to a stranger . Feels confident after , not before . Feels confident after , not before . What if you're going to spend your whole life stuck in the confidence conundrum because you're not confident yet , when in reality , confidence only comes after action

?

I will be confident when , when I do my first speech on stage , when I get my first high paying client , whatever .

that confidence comes from persevering through failure . That's one of the reasons why I have such a positive relationship with failure is because it just helps me believe in myself more . If I do easy things and I always win , that doesn't build belief . They're just easy things , at least for me .

I build belief when I am up against that point , that point in the workout or that point in the marathon or that point in the business where it's like I don't know if we're going to be able to do this , I don't know if we can do this . Then we find a way to persevere . That's where I get my belief .

Hmm and usually it's stuff behind the scenes that no one sees and I think that you have to start with the 15s And then go to 20s and then 25 . That's a weightlifting analogy , obviously , but You can't start with 500 pounds .

No if you do , you're gonna get injured , and then you're , and then you're gonna be out of the game , out of the gym , out of the Podcast whatever it is , that's the 90% behind the scenes .

I don't know what to say , i don't . I just I don't know how to do it . And I said , well , do you want to do it ? And he said , yeah , i'd like to . And I said , okay , well , what's the smallest thing we can do ? Like , quite literally , what is the small ? and I said it doesn't have to be on social media , we don't have to do it on social media .

Maybe that's the mountain , maybe that's the mountain for you . What are the small things we can do behind the scenes ? and he said , well , how do you show up and How vulnerable are you and how vulnerable should I be ? and I said you should never compare yourself to me , because what's vulnerable for you is not vulnerable for me . I've said it so many times .

It's not an open wound , it's a scar , and it is a scar , scar , scar , because I've said it so many times . Don't compare your Journey , your performance to mine . I've just done it so many times and I said listen , i really want you to listen to me for a second . I said do you know how many podcast episodes I've done ?

and he said I don't know that , like You have 1400 . I said I've done at least 2000 minimum , 2000 minimum . Do you know how many videos I've done on social media ? Yeah , thousands , thousands . You know any coaching calls ? I've done at least a thousand Speeches , hundreds . I've just done this more than you . That's why I seem more confident .

Yeah , you know the truth , i'm more competent currently . That's why I'm more confident . Mm-hmm , but it didn't start that way .

I understand and I'm not saying I'm arrogant , i'm I would like to believe I'm at five most of the time in the drive to five . But I Think it's very obvious That someone to a lot of our listeners , when someone's arrogant , it's like oh , they're confident without any competence , like arrogant But self deprecating , is just as detrimental definitely .

It's like no , i got crushed , i got stopped . And then the one I thought I'd lose , i won . So Confidence is critical , but it comes after action . Confidence is critical , but it comes after action . And If you're super competent and not confident , you've got to check in on that , because your future can't be bright without action .

Hmm , your future can't be bright without action . Really hear that It can't be . There is I Just surpassed 4500 coaching sessions . The people who take the most action win , definitely . Period , hey , period . I know some people that are very , very intelligent But they don't take action . They do not win compared to some of the people that take action .

Kev , you're a good example of that . It's unbelievable . I'm not saying you're not intelligent , but what I am saying is that you I know some people that are smarter than you . Quite frankly , Yeah definitely , but they don't take nearly as much action . It's not close , yeah yeah so your future cannot be bright without taking action . Never , ever ever .

Unsee that or unhear that .

That's just a little bit uncomfortable , even if it seems non-important or non-essential . That's the stuff I Recently I had a . Send an audio message . Send an audio message , yeah , yeah . And again , you have to figure out what . What a level 10 fear is , what a level one fear is , and you got to find something in the middle .

All right , don't do the level 10 . Level one's probably not gonna facilitate that much growth . Figure out something That's actually a reasonable personal challenge for you , a Reasonable and personal challenge . But that's that's . What really helped me in the beginning is I was tracking the numbers of fears I chased .

It's like , oh , we interviewed somebody that was super successful , that scared me . But I want you to get credit for what you're actually doing that scares you . Not shy away from doing the stuff that scares you because It scares you .

If we can rebuild the relationship in the understanding that avoiding the things that scare us at Times obviously is important , but most of the time It's not real . It's not actually gonna hurt you to hold eye contact with somebody or call for pizza . The person doesn't know who you are .

You're never gonna see them again if you make a mistake and it's not that big of a deal . I'm sure there's another pizza shop down the store down the street that you could just order from if you want pizza .

Just , i just had a moment for the listeners , if you remember the first Jurassic Park movie , when he's Unhooking and unhinging and setting the gun up but he doesn't want the Raptor to hear it . That's what it's like to drink my water now on the podcast .

When I say training wheels , i just mean that there's not anybody in there that's gonna judge you , because if that happens they will get removed . We want an inclusive , safe group where you can actually Get outside of your comfort zone and do the stuff that scares you , figure out what that next level outside is and test it in there .

This is a perfect opportunity to chase a fear and it could change your life forever . Your future is not gonna change unless you do something differently . Make group coaching joining group 11 . It is $96 a month with the promo code . Email Kevin or myself Kevin at nextleveluniversecom , alan at nextleveluniversecom Say hey , i want in .

We will put you in group 11 and we will put you on some train tracks to make sure you're fear chasing towards your dreams tomorrow for episode number 1393 .

We will talk to you all tomorrow .