#1349 - What Part Of Your Childhood Is Still Running You?

It's a funny story , but I think that's what a lot of us are doing .

Did they show all drama , negative , toxic emotions of like suck it up , rub some dirt in it , or were they kind of neutral , kind of vanilla ?

I am not the type of person that today , for episode number 1349 , what part of your childhood is still running you ? I'm going to change my story up . I had a story . I'm going to tell a different story For those

of you who do not know .

My mother works third shift , so she works 11 at night till 7 o'clock in the morning , and I remember that when we would have people over so back when I was younger and I still lived at home maybe it would be a holiday , maybe it would be something , i don't know we'd have people over And my mom was never really around because she was sleeping , because if

she worked the night before , she went to bed when she came home and she slept till 2 , 3 , 4 in the afternoon , got up and did it again For a long time . Alan , when I was younger , i did the same thing where , when people came over , i would just stay in my room .

I wouldn't even go down and say hi , i would just hang out in my room and play video games and wait till everybody left . I did that for a long , long , long time . That was from my childhood . I kind of I'm going to say adopted that I do in a way , yeah , yeah , no , i've worked very hard on that , honestly , because that's not how Taren was raised .

Taren's the opposite . Taren's very , very big on family and spending quality , quality time with family , where for me , that wasn't really . We stopped eating dinner together pretty early . Where I would go , i just watch TV upstairs diners , drivens and dives and I would eat my food . I'd watch King of Queens , whatever it is .

My mom and grandmother would eat downstairs . That is something that I adopted from my mom . That's . That was a part of my childhood that was still running me . The other story I was going to tell this might land better for me . That just came to me , somebody I know . I know this person fairly well . I know their family . I know this person well .

I would classify this person as , going back to the previous episode , the type of person who just kind of always does the right thing , and when we were younger , there would be somebody that he would kind of kind of kind of know like three layers friend of a friend , of a friend of a friend , and he'd be the type of person that would go to the funeral .

He'd go to the wake because it was just the right thing to do . It was just always that . Then , when you meet this person's family , it's very clear that they are the same type of people . They're just the type of people that just do the right thing . They're great humans .

They're great friends to have , maybe to a detriment , where they take on more than they need to to make sure that they're good friends . That person is getting their life run by that as well . So that's kind of the goal of today's episode . Where is your childhood still running you ? Alan and I have our stuff right .

We talk about it all the time on here as well as behind the scenes Clients . They all have their stuff . What part of your childhood is still running you to this day and have you identified it ?

Last thing , before I kick it to you , somebody asked me on a podcast what is , if you could , if you only had an hour and you could recommend what would change somebody's life the most . What would you tell them ? And I told you this on a podcast recently . We talked about it , but I said therapy , here's why .

This is the reason why I think therapy , counseling , whatever it is , is super valuable , because you're going to understand the things that you're doing . You didn't have a choice in a lot of them . A lot of them are just subconscious This is what I saw , this is what I do .

Then I pass that on , right , so this is what I do and the next generation sees it . And then they do it rinse and repeat .

You are the most impressionable as a child , so impressionable yes so , so , so impressionable . I This is a story that I'm gonna share that I Was hesitant to again , but I'm facing fears , so let's do it . You mean , i , we get sushi every weekend Not every weekend , but we love sushi Saturday . We get it enough to where we call it sushi Saturday .

So that tells you anything . Love it ups like , love it , love it , love it . The place that we go to is nearby , it's probably ten minutes away , and we actually are friends with . We've actually gotten pretty close with the woman who works there on Saturday nights . Her name is Amelia , emilia's name is Emilia , but she spells hers with an A , and they met up .

We have her Instagram and she's considering being on the evolved team . It's a whole thing very cool , but anyways . So it's next to a packy which is a liquor store And it's not in that right , there is a New England term .

Yeah so anyways there's a liquor store and it's late night , it's Saturday night , right , so most people drink on Saturday nights , i get it , and Kyoto is also a bar , so there's like a lot of people there that are drinking .

And I see this , this man who is clearly wasted and He has a young girl in his arms and She's probably four or three or something , little cute blonde girl , reminded me of my little sister , my sister when she was little , my sister's older than me , but yeah , and I was sitting there waiting for you to get the sushi . She went in .

Sometimes we switch off whoever pays , whatever , and I'm just sitting there and I had this really sad moment . This father , from my perspective , is not a good father .

Now again , this could be a bad moment , this could be , but he brought her into the liquor store And while drunk , and came out with a brown bag of more liquor , right , and then got in his car and drove away . So this is not a responsible father and For me this was really quite emotional and I had a lot of Negative emotions come up inside of me .

You see , witnessing this right , and I , and I said to you immediately when she got back to the car , i said that's so sad . I said , first of all , can we not park over here next time please ? I have a history with alcohol and all that . And And secondly , you That little girl looks up to you should see the way she looks at her dad .

She looks at her dad like he's , he's a hero . You can , you can see it , i can see it . And I Said to you , me , i said that little girl's in some trouble . She , her biggest role model , her hero is Irresponsible , drunk driving , drunk , going to get more alcohol , probably with money He doesn't have .

And again , i could be wrong about some of this , but at the end of the day , i don't think that I am . I Just want to be truthful . But I Grew up around an environment that had a lot of alcohol , and So that affected me more than it would have other people .

I have a sister who's blonde , who also looks a lot like that daughter , and I know that when we're kids to my point of , kids are so impressionable . When we're little kids , we , we are so impressionable . We think I mean everyone's our hero , right ?

I mean I , i remember I Like my friends , dads would be like my heroes , because I didn't have a dad and I all of like I was how do you know all this ? I used to think they knew everything and all kinds , and now it's like , oh my god , they don't know that much . Which , again , they still know some , but not nearly as much as I thought .

That's okay , but when we're young , we are influenced so much by our environment and by our parents and by our parents . Friends and I often say this , bob Proctor actually shares this too If you were born in Shanghai , you'd speak Chinese . If you were born in I don't know Massachusetts , you'd speak English .

It's not because you were inherently supposed to speak Chinese or English . That's how impressionable our environment is , and that's just one thing . So , whether you put your right shoe on first or your left , that might be because your parents did that . Whether you celebrate Christmas or you don't , it's because your parents did that .

Whether you , you know what , what you have at Thanksgiving I've heard of people having ham on Thanksgiving . It's like whoa , that's weird . It's like , no , it's normal for me . It's not for me , i don't have ham on Thanksgiving . But immediately I had a conversation when we first got together . We said we're gonna create our own rulebook .

We're not gonna do all this stuff that we just Inherited from our families , families , families , families , families , family , right . And so do we want to do Christmas ? I don't know . Do we want to do ? you know , let's make our own rulebook . So I I digress . This episode is about looking at your past from that lens .

Do you drink because your parents drank , or do you drink because you consciously were like you know what ? I think I want to drink ? For me , it was not that way . I grew up in a drinking culture , drinking environment , and I woke up one day and I realized that I was running a paradigm that wasn't my own .

I was making , and a paradigm is just a multitude of habits , it's a belief system And you get to choose . You can choose whether or not you want to believe in Santa Claus . You can choose whether or not your kids are gonna have Santa . You can choose what religion you want to do , if any . You can choose what school you go to .

You can choose , but if you aren't conscious of it , hyper-conscious of it , you're not making

a choice .

I met Alan a little over a year ago , since he was a guest on my podcast and we had an epic conversation And I was just really impressed with his work ethic And so I decided to jump on board with him and it's been a little over a year now .

My business has grown but , more importantly , i feel much less stressed and much more purposeful with what I'm doing in the direction that I'm going . So I definitely highly recommend Alan . If you're looking for some accountability , if you're looking for some tools , then look them up . Take them up on this consultation .

So anyways , back in the day Kev , we went to high school together and Kevin was not invited . No , i'm kidding , but we had the party house .

Well , you didn't like me , i did like you for your . I would have liked you for your house and the parties . for sure I would have sucked it up man Fair assessment .

Yes , I've chosen not to stop doing it . I just do it . I do it automatically . But what else are we doing automatically ? Right , and that's the power of this .

There's let's just do it this way Somebody is cooking a dinner Not necessarily turkey dinner , not necessarily Thanksgiving , not necessarily a holiday dinner But somebody comes over and they notice that let's just say , in this example they only cooked half the turkey , right ? so somebody comes over and they're like where's the other half of the turkey ?

I only see half the turkey is cooked . Like why did you only cook half the turkey ? And they're like I don't know , i don't know . My mom used to do it . So that person goes to their mother . They say hey , why did you only cook half the turkey when we grew up ? Any reasons particular ? They're like no , no , your grandmother used to do that .

Your grandmother used to do that . Okay , i'm gonna ask my grandmother . They go and ask their grandmother And their grandmother says I don't know , my mom , your great , great grandmother used to do that .

And eventually you come up with the understanding that the oven was half the size when your great , great , great great grandmother was cooking it , so they couldn't fit a whole turkey in there . And now you realize you've wasted half a turkey for however many generations just because people used to do it that way .

It's a funny story , but I think that's what a lot of us are doing . I really do think that the people who and I don't mean this toward you , i don't wanna include you in this , but the people who had the party houses I'm sure a lot of them ended up with drinking habits- I know several that did .

But if that was the case the opposite was the case I'm sure I'd probably have similar reactions in similar conditioning .

like 1% , something like that .

After that , it's who you surround yourself with And why , because it totally affects belief about self .

And I think that the hyper-conscious podcast prior to being NLU I think that's what that was for us It was us , with our listeners , contemplating who we are , who we used to be , who we want to be , why we want to be that way , and and trying to figure all that out .

And Then you know , we obviously built a real business and , but we talked about character and improving our character for the longest time . That's what we're talking about . We're talking about Looking at our past . It's interesting . I'll be brief about this , but coaching is very future oriented , therapy is very past oriented and you really do need both .

I have a therapist and I've had coaches and mentors , and When I'm coaching , i'm doing some past work and some future work . I Think that's what we were doing .

We were talking about our past while building our present , while working toward a brighter future and we were Coaching each other but also doing therapy with each other , both on the microphone and off , and we also interviewed people . That was probably more coaching and then you and I as conversations . We'd that replies about it for lack of better phrasing .

And so if you're out there listening like , what were your parents like ? right , wrong or indifferent , positive , negative , neutral , whatever ? and this is what I did in book club . We did a poll in book club about your past and this was the Question what number best represents your childhood ? We did zero , we did five and we did ten .

We're reading a book called how emotions are made . So it was from the frame of emotions . Did your family show all positive emotions ? Did they show all drama , negative , toxic emotions , of like , suck it up , rub some dirt in it , or were they kind of neutral , kind of vanilla , for lack of better phrasing ?

and We had one person who was all negative and one person who was all positive . The all positive person Still to this day , struggles to face difficult truths . They just brushed everything negative under the rug and I've coached a lot of people at this point . That's a thing .

It's like let's pretend nothing's negative , right , kind of like the Brady Bunch mentality sort of thing , like it's all good Even though it's really not . You're not dealing with your issues because you're not facing them . And then there's other side of the coin which is just basically like honestly pessimistic .

It's , you know , all gloom and doom , nihilistic hopelessness . It's you know , just hardcore Realistic , right like it's . It's not rainbows and butterflies , it's very like harsh kind of , and and some of us had both , some of us had the roller coaster of everything in between . I certainly did right . You had the , the full range of emotions .

So ask yourself that same question 70% of book club was the range , the roller coaster . 20% was all negative and the 10% was all positive and Right , wrong or indifferent . It will help you understand why you are the way you are . And now that you know how you are , now you are empowered to change it or shift it if you want to .

It can be very hard to do this by yourself because you kind of need somebody asking you the questions and Digging , and digging . So if you are in therapy or you have a therapist , you have a counselor , you're probably hopefully doing this already , but if not , it might be a good reason to seek one out , because it's the best It is .

Yeah , i'm very much looking forward to it because that's that's where so much of the stuff is so much of the stuff is very in the Past .

That's what Emilia says and I agree .

life is a marathon , not a sprint , and We're gonna help you with that .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of You , and at NLU , we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .