Native Plan Pod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership with Recent Choice Media. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, all right, Welcome home, everybody. This is Tiffany Gross, Andrew Gailam and Angela Rai and you are tuned into this week's mini pod. Welcome Home. Welcome Home is not enthusiastic enough.
Welcome, we mean it, We mean it.
I mean it.
I don't have to yell to be we mean it.
Welcome home. This is our home and this is your home. And just like any family, we have disagreements sometimes, and so we thought it was important to share one of those more heated, intense discussions that we had last week with you all, and to know that right after that podcast was over, maybe ten minutes after everybody was good, we were all all back, because that's how it works with family.
Well, you skip some steps, but I'll let you have it.
What do you we can say what we want to say about it. And Andrew, do you want me to say the whole thing or do you want me to say.
I'll say this is I knew that in the moment while we had already had a long day, and then of course we got to the subject of what value each of us puts on what we choose and desire to platform. And that does feel a little personal because you're now asking me what lens, what vet do I put on on on what I think we should be talking about on the show, and to the extent that we scrutinize each other's you know, vetting, it could feel
real personal. So I completely got that. But I will sell you this and I think I said this angelout tip. I can't remember who one of y'all that. What I knew in that moment, although it was very tense and whatnot, was that we were not going to leave New York without resolution, which is not something that I would bet on.
And many really relationships that I know of, friendships, romantic relationships are otherwise where you have confidence that there's enough love and respect in this space that before we leave this place we will be reconciled, even if it is we still disagree. But guess what, it was never my intention to hurt you and not I'm really sorry that you were hurt by what I say, like that backhanded thing. Right fact, that's not going to happen because that's not who we are that's not who we are at this
stage in our lives. And the other thing that I appreciate about who we are and not who we are about this stage in our lives is that I don't think either of us feel like we've got to beast one another like we got to one up end. I don't feel like I have anything to prove to either one of you. What I felt like I want to do is to show up as my best self every time,
and even in those moments where I can't. I want to be able to count on the fact that y'all know me well enough that you and loved me and care for me enough that you'll have grace and those moments where we can't. And so I just I know y'all have more to say about this, because you had some after conversation. I just felt like, I know it's heated right now, but you know what, keep it pushing because we're not leaving this space without feeling complete.
I love that. I think you know.
I was feeling really defensive, and I was telling Tiff when we walked out of the room, like we were all walking down the stairs quietly. We recorded some other evergreen content that honestly, it might end up being trash because my energy was completely off. I wouldn't even hardly look at tiv I was like lookingside was talking about Andrew feels like he was talking himself, which doesn't just happen when we're mad.
Sometimes Andrew to preach it anyway by himself.
He'd be like, somebody gonna get it, hello, lights. But the bottom line is I literally walked out the room and I turned around the Tivy. I was like, you hurt my feelings, and I was in tears, and then she was like, don't cry. You're gonna make me cry, and that is I mean, that's it. I think that part of I think part of what happened is, you know, a lot of times in life people aren't in tune with where they are on their journeys.
And so.
I think I've done a lot of work from a therapy perspective to like, no, oh, this person was rising up because sixth grade Angela showed up.
I was feeling bullied.
Nobody was saying anything to bully me, but I was feeling it, and Tiff give it. Being the media strategy she is, she was like, oh my god, I could see that because you were literally sandwich between me and Andrew and we were on the same side.
You were in the middle, so you're like squished. I was like, oh my god, I didn't even think about that. So there's that. Plus I'm not sleeping.
We're working really hard on Marilyn Moseby's petition, like there's so many things happening. I'm waking up at tiffany hours, and for any of you all that know me, no, like I'm a night out, so that means I'm sleeping like three or four hours right now. So I think I was uniquely tender from that, just like when you have a little kid with if it's your child, you know, it's like, oh, no, you need to go to bed.
It was one of those sleepy you're not thinking clearly, you're you know, you're delirious, and I just I was feeling tender, and so I thank God for this safe podspace that we've created where I could say I'm feeling tender.
And when Tiff said you think I said.
That, how I heard it was very different than her intention because she started feeling defensive, like, how could you possibly.
Think I was saying that? And then I was like why would you talk to me in that towne?
And then we were crying, and then Andrew missed all the tears, but I think deep down somewhere he probably had one single thug tear, because.
Every now and then not the glory tear too.
But I will also just say I think one of the things that that moment did for me, you guys, is it made me connect to what our listeners may
have felt when they talked about how answer questions. And so the question I have today really is, in this space that we created, our pod, our unique little bubble, our safety bubble, what is our obligation to each other and then to our broader audience to hold that safe space, to ensure that people don't feel over attacked, that they don't feel like they're being put on the defensive, that they don't feel like we're trivializing what they say, and
certainly that we're not doing that to each other. And then what is our responsibility when somebody may have a trigger that maybe we're not even aware of.
Like how do you navigate that space?
I think this is one thing that will help us not only be a better podcast, but better people to be in relationship with whether it's your church, community, your family, your friends, whomever, like, what is our responsibility collectively and as individuals to create safety?
Sure, well, I will give my assessment and answering that question.
I think.
You know, Angela, you carry a lot, and we're all Type A person out like extreme Type A personalities, and it's very few people being a Type A personality. It's very few people I'm going to trust that you have it all together. But Angela is definitely one of those people. If Angel's like I'm taking lead on this, I trust that you have it all together. So my takeaway might
be a little different from both of you guys. My takeaway is just because there are people in your life and your circle who are always on top of things, who always have it together, we have to also caution ourselves that we're not doing the superwoman myths on these people, you know, because honestly, the way I thought, I expected this to be a brawl and how we cover, but
not a brawl in the way that it was. But that Angel's going to feel really strongly and come back and say, well, let me tell you why you and Andrew are wrong. And I think I did not in that moment hold space for everything and was feeling and going through and doing and so the lesson I think as a takeaway is don't assume because the person in your life does always juggle on everything, is always on top of it. Is always that person. Like we all have a right to, you know, have a moment. You know,
ANGELI are always quick to take ownership of things. And I'm like, I don't think it's all on anybody, you know, I think it's in how we all collectively hold space for each other. I'm giving sometimes, you know, Andrew was, you know, saying we needn't be so high brow or whatever. Like Andrew says said that to me sometimes, and I wanted him to say it on air that day because I'm like, they're probably people out there who feel that way.
You know.
I like highlighting our different perspectives and disagreement because we you know, we get to do that here. We didn't get to do that in other spaces because we were like under the umbrella of like black commentators. But the the we're not homogeneous in our community and so we get to have these nuanced disagreements in what we cover. I thought it was a really robust conversation that one.
I don't like when things escalate to that level. But the comfort in being friends with people for multiple decades, as you know, there's is family, and it's going where we wanted to be good and not we're going to be good, you know. And we communicate spoken and unspoken, you know. And so I wish Andrew had been on his job and had been following me and behind the scenes footage and getting us hugging in the alley whatever. But it it just I thought, it's a different lesson,
I know. But then you should have been out there on camera with your camera phone.
No, I shouldn't have sas not loving hip hop to like our vts.
And I think we all deal with like these things differently, right, So Angela at a different point may have needed us to lean in or to pull out. But you and I may have a different relationship with conflict or with the way in which conflict is handled. So, for instance, if things get too emotional for a long time, for me, if things got really emotional, my first comment was, and Jay is going to like, amen, this was You're not
a victim. We both have our grievances here, this is you, This is where I am da da, but neither of us are victims here. And it was now that in reflection, I'm thinking, what a harsh insense it is, and like non loving way to approach a conflict is to say like you're not a victim. That is like the worst place to go with it. And thank God for Angela introducing me to therapy in a way that I had never been before really helped me to get outside of it, because the only thing I needed to hear was how
are you feeling? And whether I feel like I did something to necessitate that or not. The truth is is that a person who I love and cared deeply about reacted to a thing that I did or said in this way, and that isn't what I want to happen. I want you to hear me, clearly, but I certainly don't want to level you in the process. I don't want you to walk away feeling like you're less intelligent, or you have less to contribute, or that your voices and as important or as valued. And I'll just disclose.
You know, Angelina, I had a conversation yesterday after our don Limit interview, and I was, you know, saying to her that you know, I've sort of gotten used to, at least in some ways in our podcast, like not really fighting for the space in every conversation. Like if comments are being had or being said and either I'm not invited directly into it, or the conversation takes place and I've not made a contribution, my default position might be like, Okay, I'm not of value at this space
and in this time. And the adjustment, or the compromise I made with myself is like, Okay, just accept that in some spaces and at certain times you won't be of value. And what Angela was pointing out was that may be an incident where you might not feel that way, but to the point that that becomes now your conduct. You've negotiated yourself into a space where every week you now feel like you have to just sort of sit with it, be quiet, keep it moving. Time is going.
I don't know how to shut up. Whatever the thing is is that the self talk that I'm telling myself now we are completely disrupting the very environment we're trying to create for ourselves. The very environment we're trying to create is that I don't have to be curated through the world's lens that if this conversation takes me away from one about politics and one about the fact that, gosh, I feel, you know, no real worth in this moment, and I don't want to be in a I have
too much respect for myself. I'd like to think that I don't want to be anywhere where my contribution isn't valid, where I'm not making a contribution at all. And to your point, Angela, about where we have to be respectful and where do our listeners show up? They show up
all the way through this. It breaks. I can't tell y'all if you're on the listening side of this, what it did to Angela and Tiffany when we got some comments about from some of the listeners who said, I felt like you all disrespected the questioner here, like you just completely. I'm sitting on the I'm sitting here with them on a you know, on the telephone, and they're like, I can't believe that. I just I can't believe I wasn't aware of that and this, and and they're going
back and forth. I'm like, y'all, you want to call them on three ay, y'all want to FaceTime? I mean, you're like, what are we.
Going to do.
No, I was saying.
He was genuine.
That's the scary part. He really wanted to FaceTime these people.
Absolutely was serious. I was like, we have to unburden this, and I'm really sick of this. I can't believe we said that. And I got to go back and look at the video and all that kind off. I'm like, look, which I want to do about it? And so so just know that it isn't anyone's intention to go that way.
And I think in our apology the following week, I mentioned that sometimes we're not even responding directly to what the question is, which is part of our obligation to respond to what the question is, because you posed it and we respect you enough to give you an answer. But we're responding to all of the clouds, the layers of stuff that we've had to dig through all week,
and all of everybody else's misimpressions about that thing. And now we feel like, oh, this is the window to correct the rest of the world, not you, the questioner, but the rest of the world on that perspective. And so I have nothing but love and respect for our audience, and that has to mean more than our words. That it has to be manifest in our actions, not just in the way that we experience it, but also the way that you, our listeners, experience it. And that's just
the work in progress. But know our heart.
Please all right, job, We're going to take a quick break, but don't go anywhere, because we still want to talk more about how to create safe spaces, not just for us, but for you as well. We'll be right back. I even like having this conversation and putting it out there for our viewers because I want the audience to feel like they are part of the conversation. And I think what they appreciated about the mini pod last week is they felt like they were eavesdropping on a private disagreement
with all of us. And I think all of us maintain how we feel. I don't think Angela you feel any different. I don't think Andrew you feel a different. I don't feel any different. And it's like, yeah, we can have these three opposing points of view and still come together as family, as friends and you know, spend time with you other and laugh and you know, nothing changes.
And I think that's what we're the society we're trying to build and go for in terms of our audience and the things that we platform here and creating a safe space for our viewers and for each other. I just want to make this plea to our audience and say, even when we disagree with you, we love you. You know. I think that I often say this to Angela, and I probably said this to you too, Andrew, Like, I
think it's black people. We don't have the privilege to dislike each other, you know, right, But but there are people who you know, they're not my favorite people, you know, So among us, I'm like, I don't really rock with him, I don't really rock with her. But out here in this world, if something were happening, then I got to be a part of the army defending that person, you know.
And so we feel that way. Even when you give a comment that I feel is a little disrespectful to the w NBA, we still welcome you, brother, We welcome you a comment, you know, like you're gonna have to get some of the smoke.
Although I did think it was a hoax.
But yeah, well either way, you know, I hope it wasn't. I hope, I hope he had more respect for us than giving a hoax. But who knows even when we disagree that we want you to pull up a seat to this table. You know, we've all come from spaces where we didn't feel welcome. For twenty four years, I didn't feel welcome in you know, mostly white run newsrooms that constantly dismiss my input and value and opinions. So I don't ever want either of my co hosts to
feel like they don't have value. And I certainly don't want our audience, who shows up to us every week twice a week to hear us, to not feel like they have value. So we thank y'all for rocking with us, for tuning in every week. I thank you Angela for inviting me and Andrew to be part of this podcast and build this thing brick by brick with you. I think you Andrew for the times that we have on
this podcast. But honestly, my favorite time is when we're not on the podcast, and it's just when Andrew and I get one on one time. I feel like it's so calming. I'm always telling you some personal drama I have or something, you know, Andela off doing something, she's going a flight, she doing something else, and I'm all about like where's a good restaurant, so Andrew and I'll go eat sometimes. But Angela and I also spend a
lot of time too as the ladies. We have a whole girl group, so I get my alone time with each of them. But with Andrew, I just I truly value you, both personally and professionally. So I just I love y'all for having the space and just thank y'all for for for dealing on the days when I'm giving whatever I'm giving, when i'm giving highbrow to Andrew told you the anti when we were walking in Sancho Park. He was so like smooth jazz when you know how he does. Angela and he was like, I had I
was a bit elevated at the time. And sometimes when I'm like that, I it means I go inward. Okay, I just get mute. What does that mean to It means that I had a mood ordering substance that sent me on a flight. Okay, and it is a good, beautiful Okay. Andrew was talking to me, and I hear it. But sometimes your thoughts are like they run away. You're
like no, no, no, wait, and the thought is gone. And Andrew was like, you know when you get like this, you just have this judgmental look on your face, and I don't care for it.
Just exuding judgment.
But I have It's not even it just I was laughing so hard because he said it was just so funny to me. I'm like, see this, y I don't care for it.
I don't care for it.
It's just it's so proper that in most places I wouldn't have two words to say to the other person about how they look or what they're giving.
Andrew, you give the craziest cussouts with no cuss words and big words. Sometimes you make up the words as well. But yeah, like yes, baby, hilarious.
All right?
Do we do we feel complete with this conversation or do we.
Well, we didn't read the comment I wanted to read.
I believe it's Denice Paris right, and it says I have been listening to your podcast since episode one. Just so y'all know, we are not going to make a practice of reading these comments. We expect for you to send in videos, but just because it was on point since episode one, I share the podcast a few times. I believe in what you are doing because it is imperative and needed. After listening to your last mini pod, I resonate with all your viewpoints because they are valid.
I must say I lean toward Angela as I too was blindsided, as I would have never imagined millions on millions of people could ever be scammed by Trump. I am from NYC, and my very arrogance thought people knew he was deplorable in every aspect of being empty, nothing good and possibly evil. Keep going and know that your valuable information is appreciated. Keep fighting for the good and as you know, great things start small. Sometimes I love the podcast.
I love that I share. I'm assure you of it.
Angela, No, no, no, I didn't.
I really think like she was like, I agree with her screaming on the podcast. She was saying she agreed with like being blindsided by like y'all really think you should vote for this?
That was ny get it? Yeah, so not that part.
But yes, I do appreciate the I But you know, I appreciate that no matter how we feel or what we say, we're three intelligent people with people out there who will reflect back like yes you had a good point, or yes I agree with you, or yes I agree with all three of you. All I think that's what it's for, So I like that we You don't want all three of us having the same perspective coming up with the same ideas, you know, Yeah, well we don't.
But the one thing I would love to ask our listeners, if you guys don't mind, is we didn't dive enough into what it looks like to create a safe space. And since we are so lacking and safety in so many places. Some people at home don't have safety, some people at work don't have safety, some people in their neighborhoods don't have safety.
What does it look like?
What does it look like to create safety on this podcast?
For you?
What would what would it look like to be in this bubble with us and to feel like you have a safe place to process your political gripes, to get talking points to take back to your families, into your communities.
What does it look like to create safety here?
Do we want that on video or in comments or both?
I would love the videos I love because I want to play them and see that I want I want the video responses. We have a video on our Instagram page at native lampod where you can see how to submit a video. We will repost that in our stories when this air, so you all can send in your videos and let us know what safety looks like to you on and.
That. We love the money that jingles, but we prefer the.
We did a whole Broadway routine in Central Park.
We and our movies. We did a whole thing.
Anyway, Stay tuned for me and Andrew.
I'm excited that he's got some movie lines.
We have a whole.
We'll do.
That's well, that's so welcome home. Thanks for listening, y'all. Remember to rate, review, subscribe, and tune into our regular episode on Thursday. Thank you guys for giving us safety to even have this platform. We look forward to hearing how we can give you that safety back. Welcome home, y'all, hey man, Welcome Home. Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership with Recent Choice Media