S1E7 - 'The Tombola' REMASTERED

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The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno. Erotic literature. What why? Previously, on my dad wrote a porno. Jim Sterling was a chubby. Jim Sterling, chubby and short and stout. Here's his handle. Where's his spout? My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed. As is traditional in Holland.

So he began using the mud to mark Belinda's tits, ass, mouth and ears with symbolic signs. Hello and welcome back to another episode of My Dad Road Porno. Alice, thanks for joining me again. I can't believe I've been invited back, so this is great. Of course you've been invited back. Always welcome, always welcome, James. Thank you. New haircut.

Looking very swish. Well, I thought I'd make an effort for Belinda, you know. These are special nights to me and uh I like to make an effort. Jamie, thank you for offering to read us yet another chapter. We are getting really into the thick of it now. You're welcome, Alice. Every day's a struggle.

But I'm getting through it. Where are we at? I've kind of Where are we? It's been a few days, I've forgotten. Lost the wheels of Lin, yeah. So basically, last chapter, Belinda met Peter Rowles. It might have gone to love from just sex, which we know Belinda loves and enjoys but we think maybe there's an emotional connection in Well, she certainly made reference, or Rocky did, through his prose, that she felt a connection that was deeper than just

The average fuck in a bush. Which is essentially is what she's doing in a maze, isn't it? I think it's paraphrased. Paraphrasing obviously. So it's turning into a bit of a romance novel. This could be the next gone with the wind. Oh my god. Well I mean mud Symbols on her back aside. I was gonna say uh that got a bit weird. It's a little bit weird, but you know, Belinda knows her heart, so I trust her. True. I also trust my dad.

I mean? Wow. That makes one. Let's take some more Maybe not as much as I used to as a as like a young boy when he would take me fishing, but I have understood him on a different level, certainly, throughout this process, which has been interesting. Okay, so are we all ready? Belinda blinked. Chapter eight The Tombola. Oh yes I totally forgot about the Tombola. Get your tickets. There'll be nothing light and innocent about this.

Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated. She was now exhausted. Three clients in? She's hardy. We've said this. So we found her straight back in the maze. Oh yeah, we're where we left her. Okay. She'd been fucked by three males and

Males. It's almost like a David Attenborough now, isn't it? The male approached the female with a black thong. There's nothing natural about any of this, so no. It doesn't happen in the wild, it doesn't. It barely happens in literature, only in Rocky's filthy mind. AKA my dad. So sombre. She'd been fucked by three males. Well, let's be honest, two and a half. Yeah. Two and a bowl. No, that's that's in the book.

Oh that's the girl, right? I thought that was a site. That wasn't me. That was Rocky. That was all Rocky. Rocky's a little bit. Patty Rocky Mouse. Maybe I should start again to give you the full flow. Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated. She had been fucked by three males well, let's be honest, two and a half, in the last two hours and had been totally mesmerized by one of them. The Vole. We all were. We couldn't take our eyes off it. Couldn't put our eyes on it, it was so small.

She also had a sick sense that she could never opt out of the special relationship Peter Rouse and herself had developed in their short meeting. But for all that she was completely up for it, Peter was a successful, dominating character, and come to think of it, So was she. She's basically met her match. Yeah. That's what I like about that relationship. It feels that they are two very equal parties. I dunno. I think that's, you know

Two dominating partners. Surely you need one passive, one dominating. I I don't think it's gonna work out. I foresee problems on the horizon. Speaks volumes about your private life, James, but okay. Can we stop talking about my sex life, please? Passive is the James character. Are you on the hunt for Peter Round?

Now relaxing against the trellis as you do.'Cause it's quite the place to relax. Yeah, get a bit of sunbathing in, why don't you? She pulled the parcel string sharply, and it fell to the muddy ground. That was secure then, after all that. She might as well just been stood there. She slowly twisted the plastic handcuffs, and they fell apart. And she bent down to pick up her tennis outfit. How strong is Belinda? And then she ripped the trellis in two. She's the female hulk all of a sudden.

And then she punched Alphonse. It was a real mess. Tell me about it. I think it's a tennis outfit. Oh, I I meant the whole thing from chapter one through to present day. Yeah. It was a real mess, but for decency's sake. She put what was left of the shirt and dress back on. What? So she just kinda draped the reason.

She knew Tony would be here any minute to bring her back to the barbecue area, and then she could get back to her lovely bath at her room in the horse and jockey. Soon she heard footsteps coming through the maze, and thankfully it was Tony. He was in a black thong. Hello, Belinda Oh hi Belinda. Let me guess. We could write it, James. She's still not had her wicked way with Tony, has she? Tony. Yourself always gets in the way, maybe. Oh maybe this is the moment. Oh oh oh. Thankfully it was Tony.

He had a large smile on his face. I bet he did. You're a star, Belinda. Those three guys you just entertained are over the moon with you. Entertained. Yeah, she didn't she she didn't do a song and dance number. To be fair, she's entertained us. She doesn't everything but song and dance, to be fair. She's done the whole razum. That over the moon with you.

And the other girls have done good as well. Other girls? How many trellises are there? They're different mazes, different trellises. I don't believe it. This is a twist I didn't see coming. I bet she doesn't feel very special now, does she? What do you mean, other girls? I'm with Belinda. Didn't you know?

Giselle and Bella are here as well. It's not just you. She will have got the lower ranking executives though. She won't have got somebody with three hundred outlets. And hardly a trellis. She'd have on a bit of wood probably. It's not just you. It's your glee team as well. Glee team. What does that mean? It seems fruitless to ask that question while we're reading this novel. Oh my god, it's like I'm preempting Belinda at every turn. Tony, what do you mean by gleany? By gleedy.

I love that it's like a call and answer session. Rocky's anticipating the basically the knot of language that it is and so now realises I'm gonna have to explain my every turn. Tony, what do you mean by glee team? We're all just girls out for a good time, and I need a bath. More to the point. Tony looked at her and decided not to comment on her condition.

Very good of him. He had never seen so much mud stick to a person. And what were those symbolic marks on her face and thighs? Tony, if I had a pound for every time somebody asked that. They soon reached the barbecue area, which had been transformed into a Roman style amphitheatre With over forty people sitting around on chairs. On chairs? They had chairs, James. It was such such a formal affair.

They soon reached barbecue area which had been transformed into a Roman style amphitheatre with forty people sitting around on chairs. They were mostly clients with their wives and their I bet those wives are having the best day out ever. Jim, where have you been? Why are you covered in mud? Well funs, you've been gone for forty five minutes.

They were mostly clients with their wives, who had, up to this point, no knowledge of the sexual adventures which a few of their number had been allowed access to. How could they not know? I mean you got Belinda moaning and a groaning from the maze, which can't be that far away. Absolutely, someone's blowing a whistle all the time. Belinda sat down on a chair.

He really paints a picture with words. Which Tony had found for her. She looked around and tried to locate Giselle and Bella. They'll be the other muddy ones, probably. Belinda gasped when she recognized Giselle. Why? Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodeled. Oh I also love the saying to say the best. Which is not a same by perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic. Three question marks. Oh unorthodox. He's lost his shit.

So her hair's been remodelled perhaps by a maniac. With with a twist for the dramatic. That's how I describe your hair. So if we just look at Alice we can kinda get a sense of what Giselle's is looking like. Oh the poor thing, what's she been through? Giselle that is. What have you been through, Alice? Belinda gasped and she recognized Giselle. Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodelled. Stop saying to say the best. By perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic.

Her dress had seen as much wear as Belinda's tennis outfit and was being held together by a few safety pins. Where did she get those from? Yeah. Thought I had. Yeah, see Belinda's a novice. Giselle looked up and saw Belinda staring at her. She smiled and stared back at Belinda's equally disgusting condition and torn clothing.

Girls, you need to stick together and stop like slagging off each other. Yeah, like silently judging each other, bitch still my look. Mean girl vibes, just like uh you look a mess. Uh also, maybe don't just stare, but maybe just say something. I don't know. They'll be great at each other. I think they're across the amphitheatre. Oh, across the...

The sea of forty people, the huge crowds. On chairs, come on up. Oh sorry, on chairs. I forget about the chairs. It's hard to navigate such a sea. I didn't see the chairs coming because there was no reference to those in the blurb. No. They've really come out of the blurb. And there was a reference to everything else.

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Belinda thought perhaps she had gotten off lightly, but why was Tony so happy? Giselle was his girl, and And she seemed to be in a bit of a state. Why does Belinda always think she looks better than Giselle? It's always like I look better. Slightly better boobs. Yeah. Step off Giselle. Belinda gave Giselle a thumbs up. Sorry no one does that. Thumbs up.

And looked around. I'm even at a shagathon too. Thumbs up across the amphitheatre. Thumbs up for shagathon. Belinda gave Giselle a thumbs up and looked around for Bella. I'm done with you. She soon spotted her, and to be honest, Bella didn't look much better than Giselle. Though her hair was intact, her out Intact? What do you mean? What? Ripped it out as a skull. Is Giselle bald? I don't think so. It's remodeled. Just how remodeled has Giselle's hair been? Giselle's got a toupee on.

So Bella's hair's intact, but should we find out though her hair was intact, her outfit was sporting half a dozen safety pins. Where is everybody getting all these safety pins from? And why did no one offer wanted Belinda? Is there a habadashery in the maze? I bet Bella and Giselle brought a box of safety pins and didn't tell Belinda. Didn't share. And they're like, Screw Belinda.

Maybe literally Blender will get screwed. Maybe it's an annual Tombola. Maybe this is just run run of the mill. Yeah. Also, can I just say during all this when obviously they look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards and then shagged up against a trolley's, which is exactly what's happened, um

All the wives are just sitting around drinking pimps, going, Oh those ladies haven't had a rough ride here. They must have got caught in the rain. They're half naked and covered in mud. And that girl's had all her hair ripped out. And they're just enjoying their cucumber sandwiches. Bella's face was, however, covered in red lipstick as as though another maniac had tried to apply it. Who invited all the maniacs? Well these maniac hairstylists.

They had definitely succeeded in making her look like a tart. But I thought the makeup was all over her face. She doesn't look like a tart, she looks like a creak. Because just lipstick scrawled over your face just screams Lady of the Night. It certainly does. I've done it before. It attracts a lot of attention. Belinda caught Bella's eye and smiled at her. Bella gay for the thumbs up. Belinda thought, This is very strange. What's going to happen next?

I I'm guessing a tombola's about to happen. If it doesn't this chapter, I feel desperately misled. A couple of minutes later, a tall chap stood up and addressed the gathering. Welcome everyone to our annual tombola. It was annual. It was a yearly thing.

Once you've been to one, you cannot wait more than twelve months to go to another. Once you've been to one, you bring safety pins to the next one. Exactly. Welcome everyone to our annual Tombola, where our prizes are the same as previous years. Wow, great, good. Can I guess what they are? Are they women? Well there's no reference to them, so I think we can all make them up. So we we have to have been to the Tombola previously. The fictitious Tombola to know what the prize was.

Visit Rocky's mind, a bit like being John Malkovich. Okay, great. Welcome everyone to our annual Tombola where our prizes are the same as previous years. I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin. For letting us have this opportunity to raise Much needed money for our local charity. What charity is endorsing this as a form of fundraising? How do RSPC

How'd the RSPB raise their money? I'm really suspicious now with my fifteen pounds a month that goes to them. I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin for letting us have this opportunity to raise some much needed money for our local charity, the Asses and Donkeys Trust. What kind of asses are we talking about here? I can now die happy. This is my favourite bit of Belinda Blinked. I've found my new charity to support, I think.

So once a year let sorry, let me just get this straight. Once a year the boss and pans industry get together for a charity. Charity Tombola. Hosted by Sir James Godwin. James Godwin, of course, sorry. A knight of the realm. For the Asses and Donkeywat Association. No trust. The Trust. Oh.

Also, are they I don't know if you can ask Rocky this, are they looking for an ambassador? Because I am willing to take on that role. You couldn't write it, but apparently you did. You shouldn't write it. I figured what you meant.

Now, please remember, as your prize is a real person You win a human being. Apparently so. You will only get your servant for the time period of twelve hours. Why does he say it like that? The highest bidder from this audience for each individual prize, get to take them home. The audience clapped enthusiastically. Oh good, all those wives. Yeah, we're here the tall man continued.

There is only one rule, and that is that we have a safe word. They have a safe word. A safe word which when uttered means the owner stops the directed task right away And the servant is released from their twelve-hour duty. Can I just say, as you know, I've been to a lot of Tombolas? This is the first time I've heard of it.

Yeah. Most um owners don't require a sick. I usually paid my fifty P got your ticket got my half used bottle of body lotion and gone on my merry way. There's never been a safe word involved. But if that's how they roll at the Asses and Donkeys Trust, that's fine. That's none of my business.

The downside of that is the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity. What to be able to have a safe word. I thought that was one rule. It seems to be two rules. And the rule is negated by part A of the rule. The downside of that is that the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity. We all win. Well, the asses and donkeys win. I don't think any human being wins in this situation. Okay. Yes.

No every word. Is that just to himself? Okay, yes, I can continue. Good. We all win. Okay. Yes. Now please remember

I don't know why that's so funny, it's really tickled me. Now please remember girls and potential owners, the safe word is thimble. Yeah. Yes, I did just say thimble. Anyone, yes, thimble. So everyone's got the same safe word, thimble. Yeah. The safe word is thimble. Yes, thimble. Easy to remember. It stops you from getting pricked. Oh lovely little joke from the tall man. That's That's very good, bravo. The crowd groaned. Unlike my guests tonight who both laughed. Tough crowd.

Great jokes. Loosen up of it guys. It's gonna get a lot heavier than that very quickly. The crowd groaned and started clapping. Bulin Ah Blinda bling. Balinda Balinda bling. She was intrigued. She quickly thought, who would I pick as my prize? Ooh. Tony? No. Bella? No. No. Sir James Godwin And boy she's never met. He could look gross. And boy would I enjoy that scenario. Today we have three servants on offer, and to find out who they are and take note it could be any of you here.

I want you all to look under your chairs and And see the number attached to it. Why is it? The price is right. But Linda, come on down. Also gutted'cause it's like we really should not have brought like Auntie Doreen to this. She's like Suddenly the chairs aren't so appealing. Everyone's like leaping out of them. The sound of hurriedly scraping chairs fills the air whilst the now hushed audience check their numbers. Blinders was thirteen.

Unlucky for some, she thought. It's definitely gonna be unlucky for she's totally in this tumbol. Okay, the tall man shouted. Let's tumble the tombola. You don't say that. Can I just say you don't that's not the terminology of a tombola? Let's tumble the tombola. You don't ever say that. Let's tumble the tombola and see what the three lucky numbers are.

Mm, lucky. The tombola went round and round. He's stolen that from the wheels on the bus. Belinda felt a sense of adventure take over her persona. What? Her persona. Her medula on Blancard. She somehow felt she knew she would be a prize, but she didn't know who would be her owner. Obviously not. It's kinda sexy though, Nat. What am I saying? No, fucking hell, it's not sexy. And that didn't creep me out.

But I know what you mean, like I wanna know. Intrigue, innit? It's like maybe it's just like the narrative device that's starting to kick in, we're like, Oh, who's gonna be the winner? What is wrong with you two? I don't know, something's just covering me. The first number is twenty two, I repeat.

Twenty-two. Would the person sitting on chair number twenty-two please stand up? Is this a tongue twister? It's like number one. I feel it is. Yeah. Would the person with the blue volvo please call it? It's parked right across the entrance. Belinda looked around to see who the lucky person was. Who was it guys? Come on. It was Giselle. And as she stood up a safety pin fell out re

Out of where? A safety pin fell out, revealing a beautiful ripe breast to the crowd. Of course it's a ripe breast. Right. Right. The right one, not the ripe one. I'm sure they are ripe, but it was the right. An appreciative murmur came from the men, which saw many of the wives elbowing them in the rib. Did they dare bid for her after that? Belinda thought. The second number is thirty seven. I repeat, thirty seven. Bella stood up. Oh god, no kidding. Her safety pins held. And Belinda says

Bella stood up, her safety pins held, and Belinda started to smell a rat. Was it a rat? It was a bowl again, but never mind. The third number is unlucky for some. She's already stood up, she knows it's her, it's fine. अदिल Криспорак. I barbecue sås. Och kom ihåg, hos max får du alltid. Svenskt nötchat och kyckling. Välkommen till Max. ¡Suscríbete al canal!

Hörni, Pedro, din träning börjar om en kvart och Lille Sag och älsars, er träning börja om 20. Det hinner vi om vi bara raska på lite, eller hur? Sa du? Vi säger vi finns här när du vill ha en bra bilförsäkring. För alltid. Altyazı M.K. Från norr till söd. Sverige. Du griver dig! Kop din grill hos Netto. Belinda jumped to her feet, ready to go, wondering who she would be a servant to for the next twelve hours.

Her torn shirt fell wide apart, revealing her breasts and her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mountain breeze, revealing her pubic hairline to the assault body. What? Okay, have you lost me from this is chapter eight. Thimble undone. That's too much. I'm out of here. Very good. Very good. I am over I'm over it. Her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mounting breeze. revealing her pubic hairline to the assembled body. But she didn't care.

She was Belinda, and she was going to make sure a big butch man took her home. Don't like her talking in the third person. No, like she's some sort of like superhero. And also one name now. She's dropped the Blumenthal. Now, said the tall man. This is where we make some mu This is where we make some money for our charity, as the rest of you can bid for their services.

But firstly, do I have the agreement of these three very fine ladies to be coerced into these important roles? Fine ladies. We've already established they look like an Absolute train wreck. One's covered in mud, one's bald, and the other one's got lipstick all over her face. I'll take the one with the face paint gone wrong and that one dipped in chocolate. Belinda thought, what the fuck?

I'm I'm with her. That's exactly what I'm thinking right now. This might be fun. Oh. Okay, we've we've gone on two great different principles. It's probably just doing a bit of cleaning and lawn mowing on a Sunday evening. It's not Does she not know what novel she's in? Does she know not know who she is? It's probably a bit of cleaning. Um It's probably something like chores.

She shouted out, Yes, I'm game Whilst whilst Don't be too keen, Belinda. No one likes someone who's like, you know, over enthusiastic. Whilst covering up her private parts with her hands and arms. So she said I'm game and then tries to cover herself up. Yeah. Is it oh he's counting boobs in the private part? Boobs and the pubic hairline, yeah. Yeah. Just the hairline. Not the actual vagina. Yeah. The vagina's between the two fingers. The hairline's being concealed.

I don't understand. The other two girls followed suit and happily agreed. The tall man bowed to them. Bowed to them. Making him almost normal height. And someone banged a gong. What is it like a Chinese ritual or something? The Torman bowed to them. Thank you for your noble assistance. Our charity, the Asses and Donkeys Trust, is much indebted to you. The bidding quickly started, with Bella

And she soon went for three hundred and fifty pounds to the American Jim Sterling. But she doesn't know. She doesn't know. Talk about short straw, literally. Thank you, thank you. I'm here all night for the next twelve hours. Three hundred and fifty quid, not mess. And Bella soon went for three hundred and fifty pounds to the American Jim Sterling, who Belinda thought could do with a cock transplant. Oh wow And and very soon at that.

Doesn't mince her thoughts, does she, Arbelinda? Can you have a cock transplant? Giselle went next for three hundred pounds from Tony of all people. Definitely a case of protecting his own. So Tony bit on Giselle, who's kind of his But anyway, But only bids three hundred quid. Oh God, yeah. Embarrassed Bella doesn't even have a proper identity. She's one woman one minute, one woman than Giselle. She's got a body to die for let her work it or whatever it said in chapter one. But she is now bald.

So she has plus Then it was Belinda's turn. Oh Lord. Oh God. The bids started slowly. A pound. Can I use this shrapnel? I've got some pockets of chains! I've got some travellers' chains! Do you accept postal notes? They're legal tender Would you bid for Belinda in the state she's in, Blassa? The bid started slowly, and Belinda couldn't believe her body was that bad. Perhaps it was all the mud.

Where was her butch man? Butch man Finally she went for two hundred pounds. From a lady A lady? From a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat. Okay, gutted for two reasons. One one, the man from Del Monte's just just won you. Two, you've gone for the cheapest price. Oh yeah. Finally, she went for two hundred pounds from a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat called only the Duchess. Yes Duchess has finally arrived bloody time.

With Belinda sold, the tombola was over, and the three girls were taken away to start their twelve hours of duty. that now devastated Belinda. Oh, she d she didn't get the putsch man. Not being funny, but she went for two hundred quid for twelve hours. That's actually sixteen quid an hour from the Duchess, who I think's got money to splurge. Yeah, you would hope.

She's not getting paid. Let's go to the asses and the donkeys. Oh you're very right, you are, you are. She's doing it for them. The now devastated Belinda was immediately led to a hose pipe. near the stables where the Duchess stripped her of her torn skirt and tennis shirt and hosed her down. She roughly fondled Belinda's tits and ass in the washing process. In the washing process.

As they all do. With a long handled brush and then pushed her, still naked, into a horse box. Oh well, at least she's had a good clean. Handled brush. I don't think that woman should be around horses. Never mind around Belinda. With the rear tailgate down, it was obvious that it had all been planned in advance. Instead of straw and manure, there was a sofa and drinks. I'd probably say yes, that's not how it usually is. Sofa and drinks.

Albeit chilled tinned gin and tonics. Well, you know, they are outdoors, you can't have everything. Beggars can't be choosers. I like a gin and tonic in a tin. Drunk in the park at night. The Duchess rudely pushed Belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink. Clearly, good breeding doesn't lead to good manners, does it? That's all I've got to say on the matter. The Duchess rudely pushed Belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink.

Belinda nervously poured the can down her by now parched throat She was still feeling horny and didn't think her new owner could give her what she craved. Even after the afternoon's events. Well, she wanted a butch man and she's ended up with a dainty woman dressed in a frickin' Panama hat Panama fucking hat.

I mean who wears a Panama hat? She's done brilliantly though, not to get any mud on her in that white linen. Can we just talk about the fact that Belinda poured a drink down her throat from on high, like She's such a classy lady, straight down the gullet. She's an upmarket woman. Quite a lot of the can didn't get down Belinda's throat and she made sure the liquid trickled down her neck onto her breast. And then it and then into a tummy button.

Where it pulled, overflowed and ran down the track of her black pubic hair into her vagina. Into vagina. That's gonna sting, isn't it? And also is there some kind of vacuum? Sting, it's not a wound. No but like alcohol and You know, internal bits. Yes, if you've got some kind of saw down there, why would you think it would sting?

What if there's lemon in no I guess it's in a can. Lemon? What's going on? Don't bring a citrus into this. Do you just think of it as like the inside of a lady turned outward? James's lack of experience in said region really is showing. A not seem Many if any, be don't have one. Many if any of many. I love that you don't know if you have. It could have been one but it was dark and it was very loud. It was Glastonbury in two thousand and four. Shadow you guys.

It's very unusual. Much to Belinda's surprise, the Duchess murmured, Waste not want not and probably licked the gin off Belinda's tits, stomach and clitoris. Oh genuinely no words. Waste not want not? Oh god. Belinda thought result but said nothing. No, of course not And let the Duchess enjoy her slurping. Slurping. It's not slush puppy. Hoping this was setting the tone for the rest of the evening. Oh she's happy now. God she's

Fickle Fickle Belinda. Should be called Fickle Belinda blinked. It was obvious the Duchess was enjoying this relationship, as she cupped her free hand around Belinda's left breast whilst carelessly slopping the drink into her mouth.

Nothing says sexy like slop. Yeah, seriously. Had enough, servant, said the Duchess, as we have to move on, or Sir James will be joining our little party. The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer, To the chagrin of the quickly assembled party of stable lads

What does chargin mean? It kind of means disappointment, right? It's kind of like Oh, so they wa the stable boys were like looking from afar and like now. They wanted a piece of the actual I think that's what chargin means, right? It's one of those words I've always read rather than used. Props to Rocky for using the words. Big props. Word of the day from Rocky. The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer to the chargin of the quickly assembled party of stable lads.

leaving Belinda reclining on the sofa and helping herself to another genantonic in comfort. It was just as well she could stretch out because the Duchess was not a competent driver. Oh Lord. Oh no, she hasn't added any gin and tonic, has she? She's not drinking and driving. Is this well no, she did shlurp it off. Belinda's body. Well then she's a bit she's a bit worse aware. She's wasted. She's had vagina gin. Virginia. Vagina, if you will. Vagina and tonic. Virginia and tonic. Ha ha ha.

Oh God, it all comes together in the end. Gross. She was not a competent driver of the large four wheel drive vehicle plus trailer. I mean who is? It's a hard thing to tackle. Belinda lost count of the cut corners and sudden halts as they drove through the country lanes to an exclusive motel which had some private chalets in the grounds. Nice, swanky. At least she's been treated well. Really? Motel.

Chalets though. Motel is like the cheapest that you can get, isn't it? You're being so glass half empty. Belinda wickedly hoped the Duchess was better at fucking than driving. Me too, Jesus. And had a companion who could do both. Oh.

And that's the end of chapter three, everybody. What a marathon. That was a long one. What a roller coaster. Yeah. A lot was learnt then I feel. A lot happened, yeah, a lot of plots, which is unusual for Rocky. Characters, plot hello. Is this Rocky Flint? If you've been enjoying My Dad Wrote a Porno this week, make sure you get in touch at Dad Wrote a Porno on Twitter.

Find us on Facebook as well, my dad wrote porno. And buy the original text. Belinda blinked the book. My dad needs the cash. Rocky Flints are trying to build a conservatory. Please have him out. And all extra proceeds go to the Asses and Donkeys Trust. Thanks for listening. Eriksberg Alkoholfri presenterar de riktigt uppslukande samtalen om de stora frågorna.

Jag var på den restaurangen och de hade ingen grovmalenpeppar. På riktigt. För mig är det en dealbreaker. Ja, för oss alla välkompet. Eriksberg för kvalitetstid. Världens kanske mest ikoniska handbörjare behöver ingen introduktion. Du vet att den består av 100% nötkö och är oemotståndligt god. Bigmach och compani. Du vet vad den finns. Bara på McDonald's för bara 79 kronor.