You’re gonna have some questions after the new segment in today’s episode. Only one man has the answers. His name is Travis, and also when we said he has the answers, that’s actually not gonna be true a lot of the time. Suggested talking points: Laughter and Love Challenge, Cole Slaw Juice, Brutalist Cup Design, Pizza Box Repair, Travis Takes a Big Swing at a New Bit, RIP Nut, Sky Pipes
We’re still on hiatus while Travis celebrates the miracle of life, but we’ll be back with a proper new episode next week! In the meantime, please enjoy another of our live performances at the King’s Theater in Brooklyn!
Travis and Teresa have CREATED NEW LIFE, so we’re taking this week off to celebrate. In lieu of a regular episode, please enjoy our recent romp in our nation’s capital!!
It has arrived. Our annual opportunity to place a steady hand upon the rudder of the new year is here, and boy howdy, it’s a big one. Twenty-Twenty?! It’s the same thing twice! Is that anything? Please? We’re spiraling. Suggested talking points: Down to Beesness, Tenure at Cool University, Lunch Smell, Faded at Spangles
Happy Candlenights my friends! It's time once more for our annual Huntington pilgrimage! Enjoy! Suggested Talking Points: It's Candlenights!
What is … flavor? What defines the essence of an object’s true, unambiguous taste? Is flavor, perhaps, in the tongue of the food-haver? Also, mind if we sprinkle a little bit of dirt on this lasagna? Suggested talking points: Log Recommendations, A Whole Nut?, That One’s Spice, The Bad Boy of Sudoku, Mike’s Secret Milkshake, Potions and Chili, Cool Whip Mysteries
Well, it finally happened. We got bit by the Broadway bug. Time to raise our anchors and set sail toward the warm, inviting waters of professional musical theater. Don’t try and change our minds — we have become Daddy Warbucks, and Daddy Warbucks don’t podcast. Suggested talking points: Broadway Babies, Drinking Horn, Laserking, Fakin’ It, Pocket Watch Counterweight, Hats off to Christmas, A Good 9 and a Half, Peanuts on the Floor
We want you to come inside of our home — the one we all actually share together — to meet our new, government-mandated bird friends. Sure, the audio quality of this show is gonna take a dive, but when you see their horrible, shriveled faces, it’s still absolutely not going to be worth it. Suggested talking points: Turkey House, Open the Glottis, Justin’s Cooking Class, Neutral Gifts, Bush Squirrel, Thanksgiving Pizza, A Lengthy Discussion of Butch.
Step inside the mind of the mind-reader himself (who is Frasier) as we pitch our bold new vision for Frasier. In this one, Frasier’s getting nasty, and we’re not willing to negotiate on that point, so don’t bother asking. Suggested talking points: Guiding Lights, Donuts with Morrie, Frasier’s World, Reach for the Stars, Fumanji Jizz Mist, Eight Words a Day, A Call from the Dogman
Hello! We’ve safely returned from the concluding show of the Become the Monster tour. We are weary, but we also didn’t want to put up another live episode, so we like … just recorded a new one. It’s wild, we think. It was all a blur. Comin’ in hot! Suggested talking points: Magic Al the Fleshmancer, Working Less, Two-Timing Dog, Day One Costume, Flamin’ Ice Cream, Nude Rider, Intermediary Brothers
It happened. Well, a few things happened. One, we did a show in Orlando to make up for the time we had to cancel a show earlier this year. Two, in said show, Justin finally crossed the streams of his two wildly popular segments. Three, capitalism got the shot in the arm it’s needed for some time now. You’re welcome, everyone!
In which we realize the scope of our commitment in promising to send a horse to college, and then determine an extremely powerful and highly lucrative name for the aforementioned horse. Suggested talking points: Halloween Delay, Candy Potluck, Happy Birthday Ronald, Medicine Blintz, We’re Sending a Horse to College, Ding Dong Speed Strats, Car Expertise
We’re taking a sick week and tossing up another live show from our most recent tour: Our maiden voyage to the good city Philadelphia. Unfortunately, we left that city worse off than we found it -- which is to say, covered in Beemen. We assume we will not be invited back.
Enjoy our most recent show from the gorgeous Kings Theater in Brooklyn, complete with a musical introduction from Lin and a cameo appearance by a guy who we are like — for real now — about 81 percent certain was Matt Doyle.
Look, the title ain’t lying, and you’d have no way of proving it if it were. One of us has seen every bird, full stop. We’re the new high score on the birdwatcher leaderboard, and who’s gonna argue against that? The birds? Probably not the birds. Suggested talking points: Spookily, Raccoon Trash Strats (feat. John Hodgman), Dickbilled Priebus, Freakied and Fridayed, Ammunition for the Soda Wars
There’s only one surprisingly proportioned beef sandwich capable of stitching up the wide wounds carved across human civilization; and we’re the ones to invent it. (Not cook it, mind you. Good lord, we cannot fathom how to go about cooking Longburger. God, the logistics are dizzying.) Suggested talking points: Mars 2113, Moon Germany, Oops All Croutons!, Great Sturg’ Spots, Haunted House Acting, Morgue Benefits, The Longburger
This live show, from our recent tour stop in Pittsburgh, will probably go down in history as “the one where we unknowingly distributed 100 KFC Doughnut Chicken Sandwiches to our audience, who, for some reason did not instantly turn against us.” We like to think of it … well, we don’t like to think of it. We did an unconscionable thing to you, our dear, dear listeners.
Who’s lookin’ to get sticky sticky sticky in the hot hot sun? Come on down to Spriteland and get WILD with all your carbonated buds! We got lazy rivers just chock-full of this clear stuff, and boy, the bees are just, really y’all, it’s really … there’s a lot of bees. Suggested talking points: The Coldest Chili, Adult Trampoline Center, Sticky Amusement Park, Pizz-It!, Thanks Alexa, Fun Food for Fun Guys
If you open yourself up to it, love can find you in the strangest of places. In the meat aging attic. In Crash Bandicoot’s loaded back pocket. Or, in an unassuming serving of customizable, hastily baked authentic Italian pasta. Come, have a bowl. Reconnect. Suggested talking points: Old Beef Jokes, Sporf, Damien Adultduck, The Raw Voice, Brown Sonic, Veggie Extravaganza, Tom Orrow, The Inside of Superman’s Mouth and Butt
We’re returning from a big, wild family vacation, and so we present to you our big, wild live show from Atlanta! We performed it last weekend, back when we were SO jacked up on Coca-Cola that a beam of brown, carbonated energy shot out of our chest and blew a hole in the ceiling. You probably read about it in the newspapers.
For millennia, mankind has searched for what could be universally considered the worst, yuckiest, most profane, most inscrutable condiment to ever exist, or ever would exist, forever and ever. We’re pleased to announce: The search is over. Suggested talking points: Joker Watch, Pennysweets, Flesh Bottle, A New Possum Kingdom, Briefcase Use Case, Hummus Smuggler
Throw on your largest, most profane novelty T-Shirt and crack open a cold, fresh bottle of Old El Paso — it’s jokes time again! Suggested talking points: Gridiron Wisdom, Feature Length Texts, What to Wear to Cave, Big Johnson, The Great Coupon Heist, Travis’ Falsified Book Report Service
Hey, Summer! Come over here for a second! We want to talk to you about … the beach. All the beach stuff we want to do during you, Summer. What’s that bear trap doing on the ground? Why’s Autumn hiding behind us with a big net in its hand? Don’t worry about that, Summer. Just … come over here for a sec, will ya? Suggested talking points: Backpack Shopping, LASIK Check-In, Master Chief Lessons for Baby Boomers, Ghost Rider vs. Everyone, Pasta 4 Life, Ranch Mouth, Get Sticky Off It
We have been smashed to pieces by our recent viewing of Hobbs and Shaw, which may explain the somewhat punch-drunk nature of today’s episode. It’s also possible we’ve been sprayed with some kind of Jason Statham neurotoxin. In either case: Enjoy! Suggested talking points: 5DXXX, Neighbor Lube, Buying Money, Potential Golf Family, Secret Chicken Debut, Chinning, Fun Facts
We spent pretty much all of last week on Island Time, which means we didn’t have time to record our japes and post them online for you, our dear friends. Instead, please enjoy this VILE episode that we did in Cleveland, a city that we ruined, with our filth.
In today’s episode, we stumble upon a new motto, a new personal mantra to guide us into the new Roarin’ 20s — but, unfortunately, it has a cuss in it. And we’re not sure if we’re allowed to put cusses in this description. We’re gonna go ask iTunes if we can cuss, BRB. Suggested talking points: San Diego Discomfort Con, Two-Step Tip, Edible Tattoos, Dirty Dog Pizza, The Bell Hotel, Beast Food
We’re heading back from book tour, making this the perfect time for us to deploy our recent live show from lovely, soggy Indianapolis. Join us for discussions on Real Life Vape Dads, and see Justin and Travis fuse into a hive mind while discussing practical pepperoni applications.
According to our editing software, this one is about 55 minutes long. Which is strange, because while we were recording in the Standing Energy Time Dilation Plane, it seemed a whole lot longer than that. Suggested talking points: Standing Energy, Joe vs. Unassigned Carbon, Jelly Bean Pouch, Secret Donuts, Unfireable (w/ Guestpert Laura Kate Dale!), A Hospital for Humans and Birds
Friends! We have a question for you: How many hot dogs did YOU eated last week? Did you do the most, out of everyone? Please tell us if you did the most, so we can give you the biggest trophy. Also, Jesse Eisenberg is in this one. Suggested talking points: Caesar Salad Contest, Viral Mom, Crush the Trash Real Small, Teen Donuts, Pee Mail (w/ Guestpert Jesse Eisenberg), Hermit Crab Distinction, Hair Ownership
All Aboard*! The Food Train’s pulling into the station, and its sixty robot chefs are prepared to meet your every culinary desire! (* - Do not board the Food Train under any circumstances. Your body will be annihilated.) Suggested talking points: Songland, Stealing a Big Lamp, The Scullery, Vacation Clothes, Reba Mayo, Intangible Cutsies
