Knot a Problem w/ Amber Borzotra

about it. But I missed it. I missed it. I'm so happy that Davon and Devid and you know, took it over and coddled it like a beautiful baby that it is. And I'm happy to be back. I mean I have been here for a couple of weeks either, you know, I was sick, Yeah, and I got COVID and then I was a lot I mean, there was a lot of shit going on. But we're back. But we're back. We're back. We're in one piece, well two pieces of persons. Yeah, we're good. We're here. We're still

sharing the space with our girls, Davon and Devon. We love it. I'm just happy to do what we love. Dude, me too, and I'm just happy that we got to do this episode where you into eliminations and I'm screaming you're so strong Nashi at the top of my and I'm like, shut up, you have to move faster, like I would move faster if I could move faster, but I'm dragging somebody on my knees. What cold sand at

one am in Argentina? What an episode you went into two eliminations started off with Not So Fast with Jordan, Like, how did that feel? Horrifying? The last time I did Not So Fast, I lost, and I think it was triggering to see it again. I was like, I can't I remember. I telled Jordan after like when I saw it, I got nervous. He goes, I'm glad he didn't tell me that you lost the first one, but it was. Yeah, he yelled at me a lot, but I got it done,

and I think that's what mattered for me. I was just like so much adrenaline, Like I couldn't even keep back the tears after, because it was just like a win that I didn't think I had, yeah, with a partner that I didn't think I needed. Until this season, and he just proved time and time again to like really push me. And it's so easy to give up on yourself, but when there's somebody else that you have to work for, two that sees how strong you can be. I mean, not just that was everything. I mean I

was crying that whole episode. It's a lot to watch all of that. And then Casey's my roommate, having her like leave was a lot for me knowing how that was going to affect Nannie, who's also my roommate. You know, it was just a heavy. It was heavy to see. It was a lot going back in well, all of a sudden, our partners are back after we think we're going to go home, then we have to compete then, I mean, adrenaline's at an all time high. I mean it was a lot. Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm your

friend and I will always for you. But I did not think that you were gonna pull this one out with Jordan, and I'm happy that I was wrong. Like, it was so beautiful to watch you get this and crush it. And yeah, I wish I would show would be moving a little bit more around the apparatus and really show the berthing of Jordan and I through somebody's ropes. But like that man knows how to tie a knot. I don't know what. Oh he doesn't let me tell you what he doesn't know how to do. But I

don't know your relationship. How are you feeling? Because he left and he was like, I'm so sorry, Tory, I'm sorry, Tory, tears in his eyes, You're hysterically crying. Oh he leaves, and all of a sudden, you know what, I think it's gonna come as a bit of a surprise. Like I it felt like relief for him to be gone, because it was so heavy, Like I know, everybody wanted to get off the ride, so did I, but I couldn't. It was I was stuck in it was your ride,

it was my ride. Was it was so stuck in it that when he left, it was like, oh, okay, like that part of the game's over. It's time to go into the next part of the game. And then obviously it wasn't. But you know, like I said, he's tied to you, and obviously that's more important. That would trump my feeling about being in a house with him. We'd already done it. The whole season, so I can deal with it for the rest of it. If you know, we're lucky enough to not go home, we're getting back. Yeah,

so it was worth it. But I mean this episode was just crazy in itself. It starts off with the elimination, it ends with an elimination. You're in both of them, so you're night. I did not expect that. I thought I was going to get a break. Nope, maybe they'll just but it's like a double dose. So like I still got it, and I think I needed that. I think I needed it all season to like just really just keep proving to myself and to other people that yeah, this game is hard and even I mean, your friends

will count you out and that's totally fine. I mean, Dev said it to my face. I literally bet against you a million times. There was no way. But that's the kind of shit that pushes me. Yeah, well, it's only fair that the elimination Queen delivers an elimination sandwich with Tori's bar from the middle. I did. Really, it was a crazy episode. Anissa, gold star, who are you giving it to? Who gets the gold star? You? I don't want to give myself the GoldStar? I mean I

could you Enjoredan. I mean we could get the gold star. I mean, you can't win two eliminations in one episode and not take a gold star. Fine, I'll take one, humbly take a gold star. But my time out. You know who I'm gonna get my time out to who? Greg? The fucking bus driver. I've never seen anybody whip a public transportation bus the way that he did to the point of nauseum. So time out to Greg. I love you so much, you can but safe. Yeah, but you made us ill. I like a good production time out.

I think we also need to give a time out to somebody on the cast. And I think that just because of how it played out, I would say that it has to go to Amber and Chauncey because like nominating yourself into elimination like that, I've done it. It's

it's a terrible idea. I think nominating only worked out when you knew what the eliminations were ahead of time, back in the day, when there were like only four that you had to pick from and you were like a boss athlete and you knew I got all these things down, yeah, or like you knew at least three out of four, you could beat that person, then you could. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's it's a tricky move and I'm off, but most of the time it yeah, sometimes it does

pay off. But you know, there's also been legendary time so when it hasn't. You saw the CT and J elimination, like Jordan did it. Jordan nominates himself. Like there's big moments when this does not work out in your favor. It happened to you. Yeah, all of you're in time out. So why don't we get into Amber's because I really want to know what was going on through her head. And obviously everybody's got their opinion about why she and Chauncey nominated themselves, but I think it's best that we

just get it straight from her mouth. And also we have the luxury of having her on. I know she lays low from podcasts, but she's agreed to come on and I'm really excited about that. I really excited to hear what she has to say me too. All Right, folks, today we have someone who I will say popular opinion is that she's gotten a lot of love this season. The audience loves her. I've seen video compilations of her on Instagram many supportive tweets. I would like to welcome

Amber Borszutra. Yeah, thank you lady. Hello, we're coming on Amber. That was a lot of episode. That was a very intense episode. There was a lot going yeah, and honestly it's probably the first one I've really fully watched. So yeah, it's a lot going on. I kind of been disconnected from the Challenge world lately, off social media, and so this is like the first time. I don't blame you. The Challenge is one of those things. It's like when you eat too many cookies and you're like, okay, like

I've had so much sugar, I can't have anymore. And then actually that's always but with this especially because you just relive it. And so you said, you know you've been taking space from it. How have you and Chauncey been post filming? I think great. I think he's good.

Like we just feel so grateful to have been able to share that experience together, just because it's everyone always asked me what's it like, and they want to talk about and like, I can't explain it, and you have to be a part of it and in it to understand it. So just for him to actually to have him to decompress with, even though I don't want him to be going to that as well, Like it's kind of comforting in a weird way. But he's been taking it great. I think he's he loved every second of it.

He would do it again if he could. But yeah, I'm happy that he got to have that experience and share it with me. I think Chauncy was a great addition to the bunch, like fresh eyes, you know, bright eyed and push your tailed, excited to be there. But like when you guys are having that conversation and he's like you love everyone and and he was like, well, I don't, you know, like this just very just just very real, like being on the show that fully supported you.

I really like Chauncy. I think he's great and he's really funny. And I wish they would have shown the bikini, but they didn't. They didn't show it. Oh my god, such a yeah the world has missed out. Yeah, oh my god. Obviously it's unfortunate that you know, you guys leave, but there's so much to talk about in this episode

before that. Even Yeah, we start this episode off with not so fast, right, and it's such a mix up because were you used to like coming into the episode, we get the daily challenge, let me get the elimination. We start off with an elimination. It's not so fast a Nissa's in there with Jordan and Kenny and Casey. Who did you think was gonna win that? Honestly, I saw how Jordan and Anisa we're tagging their knots, and I would not want to do that. But Kenny and

Casey did very well. I think for me, just because of the relationship I felt like I built and Chauncy built with Jordan this season, we kind of wanted them to come back. But at the same time, it was hard for me to also see cases leave because of her and Nanny, So I didn't want to be like cas Ago. But in my head, I'm like me, I've seen kind of how things have played out with Casey, and I felt like Jordan would have my back over Casey. So in my mind, I'm like, Anissa, Jordan come back,

you know. But it's it was a close one and I think both killed it. Casey Kenney did great. Anisa and Jordan did great. Anissa I was to cracking me up talking about her coach I cannot get that. I needed a little comic relief that was triggering that I cated every moment. Yeah, I had to. I mean it was a hard metal bar that was shaped like a square.

It wasn't comfortable, No, I could tell. I didn't look it rude, it was just and then like you said, you've done it before, Nissa, but you've never done it with somebody, so you kind of had a loss. But I debunk this. I need to debunk this, Anisa, Me and you did Not So Fast tied together in Champ's First Star. Yeah, but I mind like bad fucking Memory were going to be the ship and we were like so of each other. I thought like we're both flexible, like we could do this, we were so bad at it.

And actually that's kind of what had my mindset going in when you went into this again, tied somebody, because I'm like, me and Nissa did this, we weren't good at it. So I just was like, I don't know if she's going to be able to do what I wouldn't be able to do with somebody. So yeah, I think it was isn't it true that was the fastest untie Not So Fast in record? History record. That's amazing,

Like it's gonna take trance and agility. I'm like, you know that everyone's out of breath not so fast as one of the hardest things. Yeah, I think one of the harder eliminations that not that rope is so heavy and the fact you have to weave your body with another human being through small spaces, like I hope they size that for everybody, like my ass is not little and joining two bodies going together like it, I'm it just it really worked out well. Yeah, well, you know,

it's obviously great that you came back and Amber. Now you have to take into account in the game who are your alliances and you mentioned it at this point, like you don't really feel like you have many people

in your corner. I mean the numbers are so small that you see where people are tied up, So you know, who do you feel like at this point in the game is really riding with you and Chauncey If anybody you know that where I felt who I felt closest too would be Olivia Rassio just because a Rossio, I felt close to him and also chauncing him, I felt like I had this weird, crazy bond that just friendship

started to this flourish, which was amazing. And then I feel like Olivia, just like in the beginning and just you know, throughout this season she's never said my name. I felt like anytime she could have, she would have, and like, I just felt like she was more on my seven. Plus my rookie season, I thought it was amazing making it to a final, and I in my mind, I was like, I think that would be amazing that

I have. I felt like friends in here and I've played this season with Olivia Rossio and they would make it there if I even if I don't, you know, So I felt closest to them just at this point, just because I understood like kind of where I stood my rookie season, I kind of put myself in though she was. Plus, I'm also attached to Chauncey that he is a rookie, so I kind of I'm playing his game too, So I'm like, in my mind, this is

just the pair I feel closest too. And I think it's also just as well, just because I've played seasons with all of y'all in I just have never felt like we've all worked together, you know, we've never worked together, none of us have, so mind I was like, Okay, I haven't had my back in this game at all, you know, other seasons or yet here in this game, so why would they now? Yeah, which I think is

totally fair. And also, like you said, at this point in the game, now we're back with our right or eyes, Like we just went from being in jeans and now you're back. So you're adopting a new strategy again throughout the game and you have to figure out how to maneuver from here. But how did it feel to be paired with Chauncey again? It felt good because that's why what I came into this season four is him. I it's crazy. I said no, and I was just like I did not want to do it, even after the

previous season. I was like, if I get a chance to take a break, I want to take a break. And then when I heard the theme and like we could bring somebody, I'm like, this is what it is. He was. He just lit up and I wanted h to have that experience, and I was like, I told him straight up. I was like, I will sacrifice how I feel. I will put everything at the side and just do it. If you want to to do this, I will do it. And literally, I shit you not.

Two three days before I even leave where you go, we are out, Me and him went out to dinner because you know, you have to eat all that your favorite things were really they want to know, and I just started crying and we all know I'm freaking emotional, and he's like, why are you cry crying? I'm like, I'm mentally struggling and preparing myself for what I'm about to get into. And it's already like I'm struggling with

that already before even entering the game. And it was like, I'm kind of excited for you to experience this, but I don't want you to experience how I feel mentally, you know. So that was a struggle for me. Knowing that he's gonna he's coming on this season, I didn't want him to get well though I feel like he's pretty well well adjusted. I don't ye, yeah, but I also feel like some people's experiences on their first season, because they're fresh, they haven't been tainted by the process.

And he seems to deal with his anxiety very well because it's a very us place to be and we all I think act out when anxious in different ways, and he just seemed to like take it all in stride and you know, just like be a big kid and like absorb everything. Yeah, I think that sort it was. I think it was just more of him being like, you know, I'm just here. I can't believe I have this, I'm doing this, this is that I'm here. Like it

was just more of like I can leave now. I can leave, you know, first, right in the beginning of the game, or I can leave later. It's just I'm actually having this opportunity and that means everything to me when or not. And so I think that that mindset him going in like that was just like I'm just gonna have fun and yeah, you know see what this is all about. So I don't know, I'm proud of him, and I'm very happy that he got to be a

part of the Challenge family. Yeah, I think he was a perfect partner for you and I. He was a great addition. He was very funny. Yeah, that makes me happy. But watching you know, obviously you get we all got back with the Rider Eyes and then we had to jump right back into another partner challenge, Daily Challenge. Well, the bar bus or no bus. Oh no, no, no no, so unintendible of bus bars the CBB. Okay, so we

know what we're talking about here. Yeah, but like, what was it like being in there with It was so girl, It was way worse than that because it was all over the balls. I don't know when he first initially puked, but I also don't like I get motion sickness too, and I'm surprised I did not throw up in that. But I think I was just like I didn't care. I was just like, I mean, I'm probably I'm sure I'm gonna have to, Like, there's nastier things I'm gonna

have to get my hands on and be in. So I was just like, let's just finish this out, rinse ourselves off, and get this over with. I just wanted to pull the lever two, you know when you did. I was just like, let this just be over with. I felt like we didn't have I don't know, we were just going in circles for way too long. I felt like we were out there for a while. Amber. I've never seen somebody's body. No, I just want to continue to talk about Amber's body flailing flying, Like how

you like, how did you not? How did we not walk out of that thing and cussed? I know, like something happened that day. There's still a part of us on that bus. There's a part of you, and there's a definitely on there. Oh my god, his little pukes Tory, you just fucking projectile vomited on your Oh my god, sure did, and then pulled the lever and goes, oh no, you're like. I was like, I'm done not to make this about me, because we're gonna get more a namber TAUSI.

But like, dude, Devin looked like he was on the lazy river, like he was flying on the balls. I'm like, you Amber, I was like tossed around the Yes, oh my god. It was intense. But the week before on the Heights Challenge, Chauncey didn't want to compete, So do you think that like coming into this week he was like, all right, fuck the car sickness, I just have to I don't. He doesn't get car sick So that was just that was new to me. I was like, I

wasn't expecting that. But you know, I think just any challenge, like all of us, we like to just go hard and we ate nasty shit. We've seen it where, you know, we deal with it. Like I've been puked on plenty of times in my life by friends who have been hungovertolid. So I was like, this is nothing new, Like let's

just get it through, you know. But yeah, I think he went in it just like wanting to also prove himself as also a rookie and just be like, you know, I did last last challenge, and I want to prove myself. I want to do better now. I'm also paired up with Amber again and hopefully, you know, we can get a win. So okay, so before we go any further, we need to take a quick break. We'll be right

back after this. It seems like pretty immediately, you know, in your confessionals or your interviews at least, it seems like you come to the conclusion that like, okay, you're going to throw yourself in yeah, which I think. I'm just curious, when did you start once you saw who was in power? When did it become like strategy for

you to do this? Well, It's so crazy because Nannie even knows when me and Nannie were on a team, and I'm like, if you could ever go against me and like, if it ever has to be to where like you're in there and you have to go against me, I've already been struggling in this game. I feel like for me every season, just losing somebody and grieving and such a toxic environment or you really don't have friends.

It's so hard. And even though we were so close to the end in the final, I was literally just so done, you know, and so like there have been plenty of times where I felt like I was getting close to Nannie because we were both kind of in this like this like fate like this thing together where we were just like, Okay, I'm going through this, you're

going through this. Let's be there for each other. And I even told there I was like, if I go in and I have to go against you, like I'm much rather lose against you and just know that you're gonna still be there. Or like even in my mind too, I even told Chauncy, I was like, listen, if you want to go in because of your DQ on the last challenge, that's cool, Like I'm down the ride with you. In my mind, I've already been to a final, I've already won one. You haven't been the one. So I

want you to make that decision. It's not necessarily like we don't. I don't have to go and tell the non any and Bananas that I want to go in Like, we don't have to. We can just leave that decision, leave that up to them. In my mind, I'm like, I've already been there. I've already you know one one if anything, like no one else here had no other female has and I'm okay leaving the game if that's how I have to go, you know. So I was just like, just because I was so you I don't

know like I felt. I even told Mariah this. I was like, I feel like I have no girlfriends in this game. It got to the point where everyone was clinging and clicky, and you all are in your little group and hanging out and getting ready together, and I would try coming in talking to someone and it would just be very like the energy would be weird. And so when you when you feel that way, and and I just I mean something I have just Chauncey. But

sometimes I don't want to just talk to Chauncey. Sometimes I want to get ready with my girlfriends and hang out and have conversations. And it wasn't like that for me. So I felt so just alone, and so in my mind, I was like, if I go into an elimination and I leave and go home, that's that's my face, that's what's meant for me, and I'm cool with that. If

I stay in the game, I'm cool with that. Either way, I was fine, But I also I'm not the kind of person that's like going to give up at all, like throw an elimination or give up on, you know, an elimination. So I was like, I'm gonna try my best and if we come back, I'm meant to be

here and you're meant to be here. So I think what it was, it's just me also just I was just struggling, and I was struggling just being away from my family and just knowing the mental state that my mother was in before I came into the game, and just knowing that that's why I wasn't going to do this season. So it just it has nothing to do with oh, I'm meaning noble and I want to do that.

I didn't even think like that because honestly, like literally six weeks before I wanted to go home, you know, I was telling people if you want to go against me, you know what I mean? It was like and I never not once said and anytime anybody's won, I never went up to anybody was like, hey, I want to make a deal. I'm trying to stay out of elimination. I've never done that. I've never all see. I'm like, let's just see how it rolls. I'm not gonna sit there and kiss ass. I'm not gonna sit there and

do that. I'm not that person. If I'm meant to go an elimination, I'm meant to go in elimination. Not one person can say that. Has one can say I came up to them and tried getting out of go an elimination. Nobody because I just let it. I let it just happen how it's supposed to happen. And I got closer to Nanny and I wanted to see her in the final, just after talking to her more through the season, because in the beginning, I was like, not even Anna's gonna go home, you know, I was just like,

I just get right. And then as the time went on, I felt I just saw the fight that she had in her why she was there, and I felt bad, you know, as well, so, I don't know, it's just weird seeing that other people's mindset like what they thought and thought my mind set was, or where I'm what I was. You know that that's just looks like it. Well, one, I hate that you felt alone because you could have came in. We had plenty and everybody came in and got dr I mean, you could have got ready with

us anytime we but no, listen, we would have never push. Yeah, well, I get what she's saying. It is it's an and it's a hard So when when whatever Mariah was like, you were dismissive whatever she said. I remember walking in and Amber was in there, Urice, Maryah Olivia and I came in and I was so uncomfortable I had to leave because I didn't know what I like. I didn't feel right. And it's kind of like you cling to the people that you feel comfortable with and safe with.

And I get that, but I feel like if somebody would have said to me, I can only speak for myself, Hey, I feel alone right now, I would not ignore that, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know it takes a lot to say I'm alone. I also when with the Noble Thing is that I played this game for a long time, so it's hard to think that people

are always have the best intentions. Not saying that you're a bad person, I'm just saying I think that everybody's mind goes to, well, this has to be a part of the game, rather than this person's really just doing it because this is a good person, you know, so just like out of the goodness of their heart, they're going to do this for you or just do this.

In general, We've been playing this game a long time and a lot of people do like shady shit, so it's so easy to group everyone's actions together, especially after living there for so long in this stress environment. Everyone gets paranoid, everybody gets weird. In real life, we would never be making these decisions. I'd be like, what do you want to eat for dinner? Not do you want

to go rumble in the streets. It's such a different it's such a different atmosphere, and I think it could bring out the best and worse than us, and it can make us really just a bunch of paranoid pans. Right. No, I agree, because I get paranoid like that, you know. And I was looking at the lineup the Nissa tore Livy, I'm like, whoever I go up against tonight, and even including myself, we're all beasts and we're strong women. So it's like I already knew it was going to be

a fight no matter what it was. So I'm in my mind, I'm like, why would I throw myself in elimination this late in the game just to be noble? Like you know what I mean in that way, Like I'm sitting here just struggling mentally, and the only person that knows what I'm going through it's Chauncey, And so I think that, like I don't know, I think I should have left earlier in the game when I did have a loss and I was going through stuff with my mom, And I think just because I felt so

much guilt when I got home. But I think that just now looking back and just watching me and him and just see it being in that environment with him where I feel like I'm within twenty four seven and we got to know each other just on a different level. That's my fucking person, Like I love him so much and this show has proven that. So that's really the one thing that the reason why I'm so glad I just stuck it through as long as I could, and I don't think we could all A lot of us

can't say that. Like our person was there, Like I got to see somebody totally support you one million percent, and it was very nice to see somebody have your back. Yeah, I love you too. Together. It was really nice to see that kind of like yeah and I kind of love. And it just really worked. And I'm glad you got to experience that because I know that your experiences on here haven't been amazing. No one I want, but I know right I want them. I want it to be amazing,

you know what I mean. I sometimes just want to have a good time, like that money goes away, Like I want to feel good. I want to have those friends. I want to you know. And it's just because I'm being a decent person to someone someone doesn't know someone. It's crazy how some people can't take being treated decent. They take being tre to decent the wrong way, or to have a nice person someone being nice, they take

it the wrong way. And it's like, wow, Like what goes on in your outside world outside of this challenge world where me being a decent person to you triggers you or makes you feel like I'm fake or I'm I'm doing this because of whatever reason. And even the same goes for me being emotional. I will always be this person. There's stuff in my life that makes me this way, and but I look at it and I'm like, God, love Josh. I love him so much. We all love him,

but he cries all the time. But it's everyone's like, oh, it's just Josh. But the second I get emotional, everybody looks at it and it's like it's crazy. I just can't stand it. Like I just wish that there wasn't some double standard to women and men sometimes in this game.

It's just it's weird to me. What I can say, Amber is as somebody who's also watched you over the years grow and has shown up and dealt with all of the comments around your name, but continue to rediscover yourself and become more aware of it and still stand

your ground and speak your truth. Like it's never like you fall Like yes, of course, maybe you take breaks and you step away from the show and social media and explaining yourself, but you always come back, and you always come back with a perspective to help people understand you better. And I do feel for you. I do feel like it's taken people a long time to like

give you the benefit of the doubt. And I'm happy that you're here talking about it because the more I get to know you too, the more I'm like, wow, I feel like I have misunderstood her in the past, and like I don't want to be a part of that drain anymore. It's just like not it doesn't feel good.

So I'm thankful that you're here and you're talking about it, and I know it's not easy, Like this world is really really intense, this challenge world, and obviously playing a game for a lot of money, it's really intense, but you know, you don't back down from it, and you show up and I think that you know you deserve more credit, and so I'm thankful than I know. Thank

you so much. I really appreciate you saying that, because I think also in holding sometime, I've held a lot in just because I don't want to hurt feelings, like you know what I mean, I don't want to step on toast. Yeah, but it's just the point, you know, when you're just like you're I feel like I'm just like kettle and I'm finally just about to explode because it's like I hate being so misunderstood. It's like, why

can I not be me and that be okay? But why can all these other people be them and that be okay? And I love them for them, you know. And I think that's why Chauncey's always saying, amber you love everybody, because I'm like, I find the good in everyone. I love everyone like it doesn't matter, like you know, but I don't understand why I can't get that same respect or that same treatment, and that hurts, but it is what it is, Like I'm trying to just like

this game is making me a lot tougher. I've come a long way since my first season, I'll tell you that. But don't love you lose your little sweetheartness either, because you and I talked for a long time and we talked about all of our stuff, which doesn't well. I talked about my reasoning for things, yeah, and that I think over the years, being like how you've been and being so open that I found myself getting more hurt than not. So I think Michelle has just hardened over.

I mean, I've been doing it for twenty one years. You know, being friends with people like made my game harder too, because I'm like, how am I going to vote? What am I going to do? How am I going to How do I separate the level of love I have for one person that I have for the other one, like,

And it's hard because I love people. You know, when I was people pleasing, I was approval seeking, I was like doing all of these things on top of like having crippling anxiety, you like throws you for a fucking loop. And then you're like, I was really just trying to be nice. There was no malice in that, there was

no intention I was. That's just who I am. But I think I got a little harder over the years where like, you know, I started to like protect my heart and then maybe I look like a bitch now instead of looking like a super too nice person or whatever that was questioned about my intentions. So it's like, no matter what you do, there's always somebody who's unhappy with it. Right, got to focus on the people that

do appreciate who you are. You know you I agree, And I think after our conversation we had it a few weeks ago, I think I was fine, Like it's fine, like I I will not I have nothing against you, you know what I mean. I was just I even went into the season with Tori talking to Tour and I'm like, I felt like I was getting little closer Anissa and I want to actually experience this game with Anissa.

And then towards the end, it was like, I don't know if it's because everyone went to teams, but it was like you, Olivia, Tory, like every even Mariah when she came back, everybody was it was that group, and then it was me, you know. And I remember even a point I was telling Chauncey in the club, I was like, man, like I remember in the game early on, when Olivia and Michelle went against each other, I was

ready for Michelle to go just because we're fighting. I felt like that was my friend, and I was hearing she knew no. It was so crazy, she knew that going into elimination is what I heard. And then people were telling all this stuff about here, but then I come to find out like none of that was true. And then I was like, at a point in the game, I was like I really missed her because that was like the only friend I felt like I had in the game. So I remember telling Olivia at one point,

I was like, I'm so glad you're back. I was like, because it was just that tension, and I felt like it was making it harder for me in the game. And then again, like I've even told tour this, I was like, I felt so close to Olivia. But then even at some point, I felt like something shifted as well. And then like I was hearing people like even at one point, I think Tori and even Mariah about told me. I was like, what's going on? I was trying to talk about things and everyone was like, people have a

perspective of you. And I'm like, don't people have a perspective of everybody? But why is it just me? You know what I mean? And so that was like that was something that I hadn't playing over my head and over and over again while in the game, that I couldn't escape. I was just like, what is going on?

Because I felt like one second I felt like I had some kind of friendship or something in the game, and then the next something shifted and I was being talked about in the rooms or behind my back, and there's gossip. There's probably ossip when I left and people

were talking that shit. I don't even know, but well, I think you literally you said it yourself in this podcast, Like at one point in a time in the beginning, you didn't care that you were like, not even is or here he's a champ, they can go right yeah. And then later in the game you and Nannie got closer.

And so when the story kind of unfolds for you and you've said certain things to other people and they're seeing it, and then they watch the new version of the story, they'll see it and they'll make up their own mind about how they feel about it. So people are going to look at it and be like, oh, she's playing whatever side, this is a game, and whether or not. And I'm sure you have a genuine heart and you genuinely everything you're saying it does come from

a place of caring for somebody. I believe that for sure. But when other people are watching it and they're thinking game and strategy, they're gonna look at it and they're gonna be like, oh, well, she's she said one thing, now she's saying another thing. And dude, I've been in that boat too. So it's just the way it plays out.

And I think that the most important thing, at least that I'm getting from this conversation is your mental health is seriously the most important, right I ever feel don't ever feel like you need to sit in a house or play a game if it's it's taking you to a breaking point like this, because it's just so heavy. So yeah, I don't know. I mean I think that. I think it's just speaker like it was mine or

not it was. It's deeper than a game. When Nannie, I feel like because my first season, she was there for me a lot, just a lot, and I felt like I needed to do that for her, just knowing, you know, her mom had passed, and also when Casey had left, you know, and not even that, just like there have been times where she also didn't want to. She would talk to me and be like, I don't want to put I feel like I'm putting a lot

on Casey. And I'm like, well talk to me, you know what I mean, Like we're both grieving, we're both going through something like I can be that person for you. So we wouldn't even talk game. It was more so looking at this and being like, yo, I this would be great for her if she could make it to an end just because and go to a final and possibly would just because she is just everything she's going through to remind her of how amazing of a person she is, you know. So in my mind, I'm just like,

I'm not thinking about money. I'm not even thinking about the game. I'm just I don't even think about strategy. Heck, I sometimes suck at strategy. I'm just I let people are like or I stuck at the game. A lot other people kind of dictate how it goes and I just roll with it. But I I just in my mind, I'm not even thinking like that. And it's crazy just to see other people think that way, or one person put that in someone's head and another others believe it.

And it's just even the same thing with Devin, you know, earlier in the season, I still do this point. Don't even remember, like why why it even blew up that day. It's just like, yeah, but I left the room. I was like, I don't know what's going on anymore. I just like it because I love I love Devon into Death. I have nothing against the guy, but even it's just even seeing that in him, thinking that this is how I'm playing the game, or I'm trying to get a

target off my back. I'm like, all these people are telling me the same thing about you. So why is it just me trying to get this target off my back that you're that that's what you're thinking. I don't even think. I'm not even thinking like that. You're thinking that way. So when I see that and I see it replay and I hear those things, I'm like, this, just I wish I thought that way, because maybe my game would have been a little bit better. But I'm not thinking that way, you know, So I don't know.

It's so interesting how, like you said, you get to a point in the game and like you're not thinking about the end because what happens. And I've been in this position before too, And I've also voted myself into elimination. I've didiot, but I've I've been to a point where I've been so blinded by the immediate circumstance that I like lost the like and sometimes that happens. It just

all depends on who's in there with you. What's the game like, And so I think that, Listen, I don't It doesn't come as a surprise to me that, like, maybe strategy wasn't the top thing on your mind when you had a lot of other things. Honestly, I didn't even want to do thirty nine. I did not want to at all, So the only way I mean sorry, thirty eight WHOA, I didn't even want I didn't even want to do You're just speaking in future tense. I am,

I don't even want to do thirty nine. I do not call think we all think, we all feel Yeah, I think I just didn't want to. And then just knowing that I can bring Chauncey on thirty eight, that he's the only reason I went to Honestly, I felt like I would have been way gone, way earlier in the game if I if he wasn't still there. That's

the only thing that gave me my push. Other than that, Like, this was a season where I was just like whatever whatever happened to happens, I wasn't you know, That's just how I felt. When I left, I was just like, I can't wait to see another female champ, Like I was excited for you ladies. You know, it's a good feeling. And just knowing that y'all haven't experienced that yet and one of you were about to get that chance. Yeah, that felt good for me too, like because it's like

end the day again, money's money. It helped, like we all love it, but that doesn't just I'm just happy that someone was gonna get to experience what I felt crossing that line in the final so totally, I don't remember screaming that was beautiful. I got Anne hugs since sweaty hugs. Though I remember Devon doing pound backpack, but it probably wasn't one hundred and thirty at that point. It was probably one hundred and twenty. Anissa, like, that's

one thing. I was just like I already knew going in. I was like, this probably is not my elimination, you know what I mean? It could, I think with somebody else. Totally honestly, it was just one of those things too. Also, I would have gotten one down. I almost got one down my niece and I was like, uh, che grab me. I was like, girl, you could at least let me

have one. So I was so mad that I wanted to pull that middle dagger and I told everybody I was going to pull it, and yeah it was and I second guessed myself and I was just so fucking mad that. I was like, I have to knock over all of these and this was like a kind of elimination. I knew I could do well and I felt not so fast. Was like Jordan like telling me every dad, I just needed to like, how many eliminations have you been, bitch? Probably twenty four? Who knows? No, this season on thirty

day three, this is this was the third. No, it was not yeah, because you in the world. Then it was us against Fessie and Kenny and Casey. Then it was Kenny and Casey that Amber, Oh dang, that's and you know what I doing shit all season? I'm here, No, my my, I remember my first season, you leaving right before the final. So just also to just like see you know what I mean, I was like, dang, Anissa really does go in right to the final. Yeah, that was a lot that was like it is wild it is.

I felt a huge weight just off my shoulders when I walked out, though. It was just like when TJ said you Casey and like to Fessie, me and Casey like you guys are done because you don't. We were like all right, Sea like it right the fucking season. I was ready to go open a bottle of wine

with Casey. Yeah. Also I wanted to say to back up to the Michelle thing, like when you live with someone and then you're roommate, I think that totally changes your experience to who you live with and definitely get closer to the people in your room, right right. Yeah, And it was just me after that because I just had one bedroom. But no, I heard some things went down after I left. I know who, we all talk about that, but no, oh in that sex room, I heard it was the boom boom room after we left.

It was for some people, it was just a PD thirteen snuggle room for other people. For other people was just a room where I wants used to go to steal aqua four and then it left when we left. No, but no, I think I think that. And when it came to elimination, like I was, if anything, I feel

like Anissa was the one that though that. I was just like wow, like you know when you're kind of star struck or you're like a fan of Don't Go and it's I was like, I'm going against Anissa against like also a classic like this, and then a day she's like, this is the challenge. I may get more opportunities to come back into the game. But I am doing something that It's even Chauncey. He was like, I gotta go again to Jordan, like we were excited to be going, even though I went in being like, yep,

I'm not gonna win this ship. But I went in and I gave my all. I tried just being deadweight. I was like, I know Anitsa's gonna win this, but I'm gonna make her work for it. You really I had so my thighs said absolutely not. Anissa and I did want again. I'm like, I can't fucking I might not be able to walk. I know. I remember looking at Tor at one point and I was like, Tori, she's got this. I was like, save your voice if you want, but like show I like to. Actually, you

know what, fucking helped myself. I can't help myself. I felt bad after the Casey and Anissa elimination because I wasn't really voting for rooting for either of them very loud. Later, I need to said something to me like, oh you weren't. I really gotta amp up scream for her. You could not help this one. I felt like it was unintentional like you could not help it. Yeah I was. I was, Yeah, well anyway, it wasn't personal amber and like I do think that, No, it was fine. I just I know,

I don't think that some personality it at all. Like I think what it is, it's just knowing that I was just knew that I was going home, and it was just like, okay, let me just let me just kind of work, give her like you know, make her work for it, if anything, and then I can just go relax and sit in a hot tub and eat whatever I want after this and drink whatever I want to do. Why I need to go back to the game, you know what I mean. So I was just like

I was, like, it's what it is. I couldn't be mad. I think if anything, I just I think what hurts overall is just being misunderstood. Like I get it. Like everyone says, it's just a game. Yeah, it is just a game, but there are also things that you take from the game that like it kind of stays with me, you know, because it's also the same game for me every season. It's never like Okay, I'm going in. I have a niss notorious friends. Yea, they say my name,

I get it because they have a better friendship. But at least they're my friends in the game, or at least I can go to them to talk about things, or to get ready with or to have that girl time. Like I don't have girlfriends in the game. It has nothing to do with anything else. I just like, I just I feel like, I just I hate the same storyline when it comes in. I'm so over it. It's boring and it's annoying and it's like frustrating. So I don't I vowed next time we do a show together

to be better friend to you. Yeah, and then you can come sin even going forward Amber you don't really wear makeup, but you can come. We can all pretend to get ready together two jewels and a little bit eyeliners. She's like, well, I hope, we obviously hope that you come back, like you have created a legacy for yourself. That I mean, you're you have made a name for yourself in this game, and you deserve to be at the final like all of us do. Everybody who's fights

for it deserves it. And you know, obviously it was it's always bitter sweet saying bye. But TJ did say that he hopes to see you and Chauncey again. I know. So what did I feel like for Chauncey to get that from TJ. It was the tears for him, you know what I mean when you saw him cry. I think that that's when he felt like, wow, like he felt like the you know, part of finally, Oh, I'm a part of this Challenge family. But I think, well,

I'm hoping that we'll see him again. Also being selfish by saying that because it helps me in the game as well, just like mentally and just having that loved one and like and just like, I don't think I could be away from him, not talking to him that long. But I'm praying and I'm hoping fingers crossed that he gets another chance, you know. And also I feel like he struggled by being called deadweight, and there are other things this season that he strug you know that that

hurt him. Yeah, it's not. And it's just like, so I think that he still wants to continue to prove himself, and he wants to make it to a final, and he wants to go against the best. This is like a dream to him now that he's in it, you know. So I hope that we see him again. I don't know. I'd love it for myself to like as I'm being selfish, but okay, yeah, yeah selfish. Yeah, well I like the solid having someone solid. It feels good. Y'all. Have you have each other? You know what it's like to have

your person there. So yeah, she's like my she's my platonic soul mate. Oh thanks, nush. All right, Amber, before we let you go, we have a game. Okay, we have three questions for you about your partner, Chauncey. Okay, if you say your ride or dies, now it's time to prove it. Okay, here is the first question. All right, who is the celebrity that everyone says Chauncey looks like, Oh my god, Michael B. Jordan. Yeah yeah, he's always getting that. Yeah. Okay, now I'll get the next question.

Chauncey played basketball in college? What division was he in? D? One, two or three? I think it's David. All right, I'm finally Amber, this is this is for all of it. Okay, how much does a cameo from Chauncey cost? I don't think he charges three three cameos? Oh my god, I'm being cameos. No, I don't know what. I don't know why. He actually when he signed up the cameo, the sellaries, I'm saying that, and how much do you charge? And he was like, I didn't know I was charging anything.

So I not not everyone hitting you guys up with a false advertisement lawsuit because I have to pay twenty five dollars for a cameo. Oh god, okay, so its twenty five dollars. It's fine the whole time, A whole time, Okay. Um, No, I didn't love that, but yeah, two out of three i'd say, I'd say, I don't even know how much Tory's cameos are. I did get really on his I don't look his cameos. I don't look at any of that. I don't know how she charges for any of that. Yeah,

so I don't know. Yeah, Well that's good. Well, Amber, thank you so much for coming on. Should be getting a little high from Chauncey real quick, is cha come here here? Chauncey? Yeah, yeah, how much you charge? How much you charge for a cameo? Do you even know? I don't know, like twenty five I think, yeah? Is at it? Yeah? He said, yeah, I think I think

you heard it here. Chauncey gives cameos for twenty five dollars guys, so make sure you get on good seeing love you, hie, Amber, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I know that on social media, but we really appreciate you coming. Yeah. Like, for the record, you went into three eliminations this season. You want two of them? You absolutely are. You know you're an incredible competitor. So it's just it's always nice to have you on here and you know, have you share your side of things.

So thank you for Thank you, ladies. I appreciate it's so good seeing both of you. Yes, you too too, And where can we follow you on social media just so we can send you some extra love and support. Nobody send Amber any shit, no shit, no um at Amber boars builtra all my social media, but no, I don't. I love my fans and like the people out there, they give me more love than mine my cast mates. We're going to switch to that narrative to make T shirts shirt for y'all. I wish I could be that

fun party girl. I'm just so awkward and weird and just quirky, and I just wish I could be sometimes and wanting all his body to experience how y'all are. But I we are so fucking weird. You have not seen how weird we are. We know how build labyrinths. We fucking we save the plants like we are not regular people. We are weird. So maybe I'm well for the same box I think. Yeah, I think basically we just need to make sure that everybody feels more like

comfortable running. Yeah, so I appreciate you, we recognize weird. Yeah, I need as it is. I needed this podcast I did. I was like, I'm happy now that I did it. So thank you all for having me. Oh, thank you about it? Thanks you Amba, talk to you so young girl. Well that was a really great interview with Amber. I'm happy she came. And she's always vulnerable, she's always herself. She tells it from the heart, so it's refreshing to talk to her. Yes, that was nice. Everybody send an

Amber some love. You got the socials, But Anissa, what are your socials? What's your social media? What's your address? Social Security number? Relax, Okay, it's just Anissa MTV. That's a n E s A MTV on Instagram. I don't really do the Twitter thing. They're mean in those Twitter streets. What about you, Tori? You guys can find me at Tori underscored deal pretty much where I reside Instagram. But

more importantly, we're back on the podcast. And if you liked this episode, please rate and review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, tell a friend, post it on your Instagram, tag us in US so we can repost because we are back, baby, and catch new episodes of The Challenge. Rider dies Wednesdays at eight pm on MTV. Yes, and then we'll see you guys back here next week for a brand new episode of MTV's official Challenge podcast.