You know what it is. That's right. It's time to talk money with your money, nerd and financial coach. Now tighten those purse strings and open those ears. It's the money talk with Tiff podcast. Hey, everyone. I am so excited because I have Bob Whaler on the line, and he's here to talk to us about the four w's. You should ask yourself, what? Why? Why what? And I just want to say that because it's so fun to say, but. Hey, Bob, how are you, Tiffany? I'm doing great.
Thanks for having me. Yes, thank you so much for coming on. So let's just hop right in for the audience. Why the four w's? What? Why? Why what? Why is this important? Yeah, what? Why? Why what? It's so important because I think whether it's money, whether it's relationships, whether it's diet, like anything, I think it's a really great blueprint, because I think we need to know more than what do I want? And so that first question is, what do you want? Why do you want
it? Why don't you have it? What are you willing to do to get it? And for me, it's great that I want to have a fancy car. Why do I want it? I want to feel worthy. I want to impress people. I just love fancy cars. And why don't I have it? Oh. Cause I don't want to do the work. Oh. Oh. It's too, like, what's my story? And then what am I willing to do? For some people, it's nothing. I'm just going to be
take what I get. Or, you know. And for me, when I ask that question of what am I willing to do, I, of course, want it for me to be in integrity. I don't want to do things illegal, and I don't want to take from other people and create harm. But regardless of what the answers are, I think it's really important to be curious and not judgmental. If I want it to impress people or because I don't feel worthy. There's not a judgment there. I don't need to take myself out. Oh, wow. That's interesting.
I don't feel worthy, and I need this thing to fill the gap. And there's so many people, I think, that I want that, and I want to be rich without really knowing what's rich. How much money do you want? What will satisfy the itch? What will satisfy that hole that needs to like whatever it is? And for some people, it might just be. I just. It makes me feel comfortable. And so for
me, the what, why? Why? What really gets to the core of whatever it is we're seeking, whether it's financial abundance, whether it's a slimmer or bigger body, whether it's a, you know, a lifestyle, whether it's a relationship. What, why? Why? What is it? I'm yearning. What am I. What am I calling for? Yes, yes. Doing. And I love that framework. And I feel like that first question will really hang people up. So let's go back. Let's
go back. So what do I want? Let's zoom in on that a little bit, because I know some people are like, I don't even know what I want. Like, what I think I want may not be what I want. So how do they get into what do they truly want for themselves versus what their parents are saying, what their family's saying, friends, social media, all of that good stuff. Such a great question. So what I like people to do is brainstorm, right? Just top of mind, write down 20 things you want. I
want this. I want this. I want this. I want this. And just write it down. Don't judge it. Don't judge it. Long term, short term, crazy. Write it all down. And then take a breath, take a moment, and then go back and start to look at the list. Oh, that's for mom. Oh, that's. My friends will shut up. Okay, now what do I want? And then. And really go through that list. What do I want? And for me, this is actually not just done in the moment. Like,
for me, this is a couple of days of process. Like, I spit it out, I look at everything, I think about it, then I sleep on it, and then I go back because I realized, ah, that was for my grandparents. Oh, that. Oh, no, that one. Yeah. That's something that really rings true for me. Right? I gotta. I gotta sift through it a couple of times because I've got so many layers of social conditioning, guilt from mom and dad,
church, whatever it might be. And we want to really, like, look at it with curiosity and not judgment. So maybe, oh, that's selfish. Oh, you want to do that? That's great. No, no, take away that judgment. Yeah. I really want to travel to other countries. I really want to see how the rest of the world lives their life, you know, whatever it might be. And so to really get curious about stuff and for a lot of people that want to judge, just say, wow, isn't that interesting? Isn't
that. I always go back to this. That's so interesting. And really just hone in on the things that actually feel true for you. Yes. And, you know, I can see this being so simple as I want a nap. Like that is exactly what I want right now. Yeah, yeah. And no, I'm not lazy for wanting a nap. And no, I'm not a bad parent or a bad spouse. I just want a nap. And so I can definitely see this getting, not just for your financials, but for everything like you said. Now
let's get into the first why. How would people like, let's say, for instance, we narrowed down our list of wants. We have our perfect list of wants. How do we get into this next step? So it's really start to reflecting what are going to be the benefits of this thing. What's the payoff? Right? It's, oh, well, people are going to love me or I'm going to. This is self care. This brings me joy. Oh, I saw other people having this and they looked happy and I want their
happiness. So maybe I'll duplicate, replicate this. It's just starting to find out all the little, what are the little, oh, this is how it's going to pay off. What's my benefit? What's my benefit? Oh, people think I'm cool. I'll get noticed. People won't notice me. I'll have like all, just the, what do I think I'm gonna, what's the payoff? And what's the payoff? Internally? Right. That's what I'm hearing. So what's the payoff for you,
not for other people? Because, you know, a while ago, a meme or something was going around where it was like, you know, you buy a car to have other people look at it. But, like, how do you feel about the car? What is the car for you versus externally? People looking out, back up. People outside looking in at your car. Oh, it's a nice car. But how does that car feel for you? So I love that
you hit on that. And that's so important because I'm a firm believer in intrinsic motivation, having something internal that is pushing you towards what it is that you're trying to accomplish. So now that we have the what, the why, what about the second? Y, the third? W. Yeah, I think it's important to look at. I want this. I desire this. Why don't I have it right? And it may be right, the work we haven't done yet, I don't deserve it. There are more deserving people.
Those rules don't apply to me. The why, maybe I didn't want to take a second job. I don't want to work for it. I just want things given to me. And again, it's not a judgment. We just need to get to know ourselves. Why don't I have it? Because I'm afraid that if I actually get it, it won't actually fulfill me in the way that I was hoping it would. And then I'll have to feel my disappointment. I know they're simple questions, but it goes deep. This stuff is so deep. Why don't I have it?
Because my parents will judge me. My parents won't love me anymore. My friends will leave me. I won't be part of my tribe because I'll be different then. And so, looking at that, why don't I have it? I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I get what I want, it'll ruin my narrative that I can't have what I want. There's so many, so many things at play here of why I
don't. Why don't I have it? That is deep. That last one you just said, I'm afraid if I get what I want, then I can't keep the narrative that I can't get what I want. That is super powerful, and I've seen that play out in many different instances. So that is a gem right there. Please catch that one, because that has me over here in deep thought for me. What is my second? Why the third? W why don't I do the things that I say that I'm going to do? What is that block? What is that block? And getting
deep into that. I love that. So, we talked about what, why? Why now there's another what and how do we step into this? What. So, after we've evaluated what we want, why we want that thing, and why don't we have it? How do we step into this fourth. W. Yeah, well, you know, I'm an accountant, so cost benefit, right? So the first why is, what are my benefits? This fourth one is what's it going to cost me? What am I willing to do? What am I willing to do to get it? Am I willing to work harder? Am I
willing to set boundaries? Am I willing to draw a line? Am I willing to say no to something else? And for me, again, it's, I want to stay in integrity, but there might be a, you know, for some people, I might be. Well, I'm willing to put myself above other people at their expense. Right? Me, I'm not. But what are the. What are my lines? What are my lines in how far will I go to make this happen? What am I willing. And for some people, and this is surprising sometimes, and
I've had people, well, I'm not willing to do anything. Okay, well, that's good to know because then maybe I can stop wanting it so bad when I know at the end of the day, yeah, I'm not willing to do anything to get it. That's great information. Because now I can stop the spinning in the hamster wheel because I'm not going to do anything for it. I just want it, but I'm not going to move towards it. And so that what am I willing to do is so important because am I willing to give up my
values? Am I willing to harm other people? Am I willing to stay with myself? Like, these are important questions. And when we can start to answer these things, I think our life can take off in such powerful ways because when we get intentional, when we get conscious in our choices, we can stop with the stories that are just costing us our lives and our souls and our passions because we're,
like, being in our truth. And when we're in our truth and we can name these things, the universe wants to give us what we're willing to name and claim. Oh, I love that. I love that. And, you know, I was thinking when you were talking and I wrote this down, actually, you know, we start off with values and we end with values because when we're looking at what we want, you know, that's where our values lie. And when we're going to the last, what of what are we
wanting to do or able to do to get to that first? What that also looks at values. And one example that I give my students when we have the values discussion, I'm like, I would love a million dollars, or I would love, you know, a significant amount of money. Am I going to go rob, steal, kill for? Absolutely not. But that was because my values are now stepping in and saying, you know, you might want this, but is this the route that you're going to take? And, no,
I don't have to do all of that to get to my million dollars. If that's what I really want, I can do it in a good way. You know, I don't have to run over people if that's not where my values lay. So I love that we start with values and we end with values. Yeah. And I think that's. I just think that's so important. Right. Because if we're looking at our values and whether it's the million
dollars, whether it's I want to be an entrepreneur. Right. And I just want to be able to say I own my own business, and then I actually look at the work that I have to do, I might decide, yeah, I really actually don't want to do all that stuff because I want to spend time with my family or I want to do these other things. And actually, the cost benefit, the cost is outweighing. And so I'm okay with it because once I've
actually gone through this process of what? Why? Why? What? Then I could sort of be at peace. Like, yeah, I'm good with not having it. I've actually evaluated. I, yeah, it's not something I want to pursue, but it was a moment of impulse that sounded really fun. And I've been telling myself for a while, but when I actually sit down and get realistic and actually look at it and how that affects me internally, yeah, I think I'll take a hard pass
on that. And you know what? Y'all can't see me, but my head is bobbing so hard, like it'll practically fall off. But as Bob is talking, I'm just thinking about all the different things that I can apply this to right now. Like, as soon as we get off the call, I'm like, I need to go through some major life decisions that I've been struggling back and forth. Like, do I want to do this? Do I not want to do this? So on and so forth. But now having this framework, I feel will put things in perspective
and I don't have to keep bouncing back. Like, I can say, you know what? I feel good with this decision, and this is what I'm going to do because I've evaluated everything and this is the right direction to go. So I appreciate this. Like, this was really helpful for me as well. No, absolutely. Well, I use it. I use it for myself because I get into situations, and it's a. To me, it's a non threatening way to get really curious about what's driving my desire or my want,
and then to get really clear about, is it something I really want? Is this something that other people want me to want? That's it right there. And it's a wrap. No, just kidding. But you know what, Bob? This was amazing, and I'm so glad that you shared the four w's with us. What? Why? Why what? And how we can implement that in our lives
to make better decisions. So with that being said, if people were interested in finding out more about you, learning more about this process, hiring you, whatever it is, how could they. Find you the best way is our website, the money nerve.com. That's nerve, not nerd. I'm a nerd, but it's themoney nerve.com. And they can reach out to through infohemoney, you nerve.com, and we will reach back out. So check it out. We love these conversations around money and empowerment.
And you can also find us on social media. Instagram is Bobwheeler with two r's and money. You should ask. All right, perfect. So I will make sure I have all of those links in the show notes. So if you didn't get everything, don't worry. Just check out the show notes. I'll have it linked up there. So thank you so much, Bob, for coming on the show and sharing these gems with us. I definitely picked up some. Hopefully the audience
did as well. And I appreciate you coming on. Well, thank you so much. I always appreciate the opportunity. Bye. Thank you for listening, joining and being a part of the Money Talk with TIFF podcast this week. You can check Tiff out every Thursday for a new Money talk
podcast. But if you just can't wait until next week, you can listen to previous podcast [email protected] or follow TIFF on all social media platforms at Moneytalk with t. Until next time, spend wise by spending less than you make a word to the money wise is always sufficient.