You know what it is. That's right. It's time to talk money with your money nerd and financial coach. Now, tighten those purse strings and open those ears. It's the money talk with Tiff podcast. Hey, everyone. I am so excited because I have Nikki Tucker on the line, and Nikki is going to talk to us about financial mistakes to avoid when going through a divorce, which is so timely. If you've been following me, I just finalized my divorce this year. So, Nikki, where have you been?
Clearly not in the right place. But. I'm glad we're here today. So thank you for having me. Yes, and it's all good, because hopefully we can help someone else. So let's just hop right in for the audience. What is one financial mistake we need to avoid when we're going through a divorce? Such a great question. And one of the things that I love to talk about, because when we talk about financial mistakes, generally people are thinking about, like, hard dollar amount mistakes,
things that are coming directly out of your bank account. And that can be true, but there are also some things that you're doing that have connection to your money and just not directly coming out of your bank account. And I'll explain what I mean in a second. So, one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they're divorcing is not getting organized. And the reason I say it's the biggest mistake is because it doesn't
cost you any money to get organized. So that's what I mean about that, like, direct connection. There is no absolute dollar value coming out of your bank account. However, we know that there's a connection between time and divorce. So the longer your divorce takes, the more it will cost you. The less organized you are, the. The more it will cost you, because the longer it will take. So the biggest mistake that people make is not getting organized, and it doesn't cost you anything. Oh, my gosh. I
totally agree with that. And luckily, that was one thing that I did do. Right when I went to my lawyer, he was like, oh, my gosh, you're so organized. But luckily, I had everything in order in that regard. But I will say that equitable distribution paperwork, even with. With my stuff in order, was a lot. It's a beast. Yeah, it's a beast. Yes. So let's talk about that real quick. So, when we're talking about getting organized, right, what are some things that we need to
do and have in order? It's really important for you to understand what you're fighting for, because normally divorce is not it's not a fun experience. Okay. It could be amicable where you're just agreeing that it's fair for the relationship to end. It's run its course, and in other instances, it's very contentious. So either way, because the emotions and everything involved is not a fun experience. So when you're thinking about how do we get organized, what
decisions, what documents do you need? What should you be looking for? That's why I made the point about understanding what are you fighting for? What's important to you? And then noting that the things that are important to you will likely be equally or almost as important to you as they are to your partner, your soon to be ex. Which means that you're going to have to give a little bit. You're not going to get everything
you want. Unfortunately, it's the hard truth. And so before you begin any negotiate negotiations, you have to determine what your priorities are and what your areas of threat are that may literally cost you money. So let's take your house as an example. Getting together the paperwork associated with your home is important and may be low hanging fruit. So an example would be, did you have your home appraised recently? Do you have the original documentation information
associated with your home? Have you had any repairs recently? Is it necessary for your home to have some repairs if you're deciding that you want to stay in the house? So what I mean by that, if we just stay on the property, because that's usually the biggest asset that people have, is if there are repairs that are necessary. One, have you had an inspection to determine the cost of those repairs? Two, will your spouse
split the repairs with you? The cost of the repairs if you're staying in the home versus if you're selling the home, what are the items that require immediate attention? Okay, so that's one piece of the repair side. If you want to stay in the home, then you may have to refinance it. If the home is in both of your names and your spouse decides that I'm moving out,
so I don't want it in my name. Now you need to refinance. So then you have to have your paperwork associated with your income to be able to provide proof of income to your bank or whomever is providing the financing for your mortgage or the refinance. You also have to provide information on your bank statements and your bank accounts, your investments. So those are like some of the basic things. Generally speaking, we're thinking about your biggest asset.
So the paperwork associated with your home or documents related to things that need to be done with your house and then paperwork associated with you getting approved for a mortgage if you want to stay in your home and they're all connected.
That is such a good point, because one thing I learned the hard way was cause I had my house before I got married, but I wanted to take advantage of the low interest rate environment we had a few years ago, and so I refinanced, and that put my then husband on the paperwork. And so when we had to undo everything, that was one thing that had to be undone as well. And so that's something that I was not aware of. You know, prior to, well, prior to refinancing and doing that whole process, it
changed some of the paperwork on my house, let's just put it that way. And so I do want to forewarn people with that as well, since we're talking about houses and marriages and divorce, that if you have your house ahead of time and you end up refinancing while you're married, that then puts that person on it as well. So, anywho, let's go into number two. Number one was not getting organized and making sure we have all of our ducks in a row.
What would you say the number two financial mistake we make when getting divorced? Too much of a reliance on your attorney. And as a CDFA, I have a great, sincere appreciation for attorneys and the work that they do and the value that they add. And I truly believe that they do add value. In a lot of divorce cases. However, constant emails, constant phone calls, office visits, virtual Zoom calls, whatever it is with your attorney can add up very quickly. You can go through that
retainer much faster than you thought you would. And it's important for people to understand that when you're going through a divorce, you need support, no question about it. So you can build a bench that will allow you to have the support that you need and not put such
a heavy emphasis on your attorney for everything. When you guys get into an argument, for example, because you're sitting at the dinner table and you're trying to negotiate and you're trying to come to an agreement, and let's just say they piss you off, your attorney probably doesn't need to
be the first phone call when that happens. Okay? But a therapist could be the first phone call or first email or a divorce coach or someone that can, again, provide value to you and the support and guidance on how to handle situations that maybe you've never faced if you've never gone through the divorce process, but at a much cheaper rate than what your average attorney will charge you, baby. That is a gem right there because it adds up so quick. And I just told my attorney the other day
that they need to stay out of my pockets. And apparently, apparently I'm in the wrong line of business because it gets very expensive very quickly. You know, you think once you pay your retainer, oh, you know, this should carry us through or at least get us most of the way there. But like you said at the beginning, if this prolongs itself, like, I was separated in 2021 and it just got finalized in 2024. So that's like three years of going through
this. And of course the bills just keep adding up. And not to mention attorneys are busy. I don't know about, you know, wherever you all are listening, but I know here locally, these attorneys like, it takes a lot to get them and to get, you know, information and things like that. And so that's another piece to why you may need someone else in your corner. Now, you mentioned CDFA. What is a CDFA? Certified divorce financial analyst. And so that is
the designation that I hold. And it's one of the players, if you will, that can be a part of your divorce process to help you get through it. We work with your attorney, we can work with the divorce coach. Different individuals that you have on your divorce team can work directly with the CDFA, but their focus primarily is on the financial side. So CDFAs want to make sure that their clients get
a financially fair settlement. And so they're helping to look at the financial decisions that you're making today and thinking about how they will impact you in the future. So whether it's property division, tax issues, earning capabilities, all of those things, that's the work that a CDFA does. Like, this is my first time hearing about that. And oh my gosh, I needed you. The best kept secret. Most people don't know about CDFAs. And very often CDFAs work with higher net worth individuals.
And I would say like the everyday woman who is working a career, professional, working a job and making a good income, but maybe necessarily wouldn't be considered wealthy or rich on paper. We tend not to know about these resources. And so that's part of the work that I do and just trying to educate and help people understand that it's more, there are more resources available to you than ever before when you are going through a divorce. And as I said before, have a sincere appreciation for
attorneys. They're still out there, they can help you. But even mediators, right, like that wasn't talked about 2030 years ago as much as it is today. And these. These different individuals can provide so much value and help you keep the cost of your divorce down, which, to me, should be one of the most important things outside of making sure that you're okay, you walk away as sane as possible and that your kids are okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Well, this is. You definitely learned me something today,
because I had no idea. Okay, so, number one, we need to get organized. Got that. Number two, having too much reliance on your attorney, y'all, it gets expensive. We have time for one more thing. What's one worth mistake that we make when getting divorced? Financially. Yeah. So it's not understanding your financial position. And what I mean by that is your household income will change. Period. Hard stop. Your household
income will change. And so the lifestyle or the budget that you had during your marriage will likely be impacted post divorce. And so there needs to be a lot of awareness and information gathering that you are doing to understand what your financial position is. And very simply put, as you know, it's really just about understanding your expenses relative to your income. So what's coming into the door? What's going
out of the door? Okay. And also knowing that when your divorce is over, even if you're getting support, that could be spousal support, that could be child support, that some things may have to change. And so when you're negotiating, that's why, again, we come back to the organization piece. Knowing your numbers and what makes sense as far as what you're fighting for, what you're willing to settle for and agree to should be tied to math
and not emotions. And that's very difficult because going through a divorce can be so emotional. And when people have the right support, it makes it a little bit easier. Okay. You're still gonna be. You're still gonna have some good days and some bad days. But if you have the right support, then you can get through it and manage the emotional side so that when you are making decisions from an informed perspective and you understand, hey, this is how the dollars will fall
when this divorce is final. And I know that I can take care of myself and I can keep a roof over my head, then you feel like you have gotten a much more fair deal and putting yourself and your family in a better position. That is so true, because it does get very emotional throughout the process. Like, there were many times where I was, like, I just wanted to break down. And even, you know, you spoke of mediation. Even sitting in mediation was
very draining. Luckily, you know, I did kind of follow the tips that you had other than number two. Didn't know about that. But, you know, being organized and knowing what I wanted out of the situation really helped, but it was still very draining. So I completely agree with you with the understanding your financial position position. Because, like, in my situation, of course, I was more in the know about the
financials than the other party. And so it, you know, they were kind of using my information to figure things out, if that makes sense. So it's almost like the most organized person gets the upper hand. Would you say? Oh, absolutely. Kudos to you because you were the more organized person. And like I
said, someone always loses. So I don't want to necessarily say you come out the winner, but you can't come out on top because it really is about having the information and being able to make those decisions based off of the information. And at the end of the day, if someone's in the dark about their finances or if someone is just not paying close attention to how the numbers fall, you're probably not going to be in the best position. And no one wants
that. Right. We want you, especially in the divorce support community. We want you to feel like you can walk away and start a new life and take a deep breath and say, okay, I made it through that. It was a heck of a ride, but I made it through. And to your point, when you are organized and you can pay more attention to the numbers and you know what you're getting yourself into to a certain extent, when everything is over, then you just feel much, much better about
it. Completely agree. When you have your stuff together, then you're ahead of the game. Yes. Yes. Now, Nikki, this was gems on top of Jim's. On top of Jim's. And I wish I had this episode a few years ago when I started this process, but if people are listening and they're going through the process or about to go through the process, how could they find more about you or any of the information that you provide? Yeah, that's a great
question. Thanks so much for asking that. The best way to connect with me is through my website. It's www.thefirmaproach.com. i am on social under the firm approach for everything. I'm not great at social media. I don't love it. I'm just being transparent. So if you want to connect, find me. You can find out more about me and what we do, how we serve people. I also have a blog, and then I also have a newsletter.
And so I send out information just to to help people in the pre divorce and post divorce stage. Post divorce you say. But that's another episode for another day. Thank you so much, Nikki, for coming on the show. And if you all didn't catch all of that, I'll be sure to have it in the show notes, so check those out. I appreciate you dropping these gems because like I said, I definitely learned something and I know the audience did too. So thank you so
much. It's been my pleasure. Thank you for having me. Bye. Thank you for listening, joining and being a part of the Money Talk with TIFF podcast this week. You can check Tiff out every Thursday for a new Money talk podcast, but if you just can't wait until next week, you can listen to previous podcast [email protected] or follow TIFf on all social media platforms at moneytalkwitht. Until next time, spend wise by spending less than you make a word to the money wise is always sufficient.