What’s the secret to sibling success? Apparently, an ugly divorce. At least, that’s how it went down for Ellen Umansky and her two brothers. Ellen’s parents separated when she was 9. “They loved us deeply, but there were battles to be won — emotional, reputational, financial,” Ellen wrote in her Modern Love essay. As Ellen and her brothers were flung into a new reality of parental feuds and convoluted calendar arrangements, her brothers became her “one constant and comfort.” Today’s episode is a...
Jul 14, 2021•20 min•Ep. 267
It was Great American Eclipse of 2017 — the first total solar eclipse to cross the entire continental United States since 1918. Throngs of spectators gathered along the path to totality, from Oregon to South Carolina, to watch the moon blot out the sun for two-and-a-half minutes and the midday sky plunge into darkness. When Kerry Egan arrived at a field in South Carolina to witness the spectacle, she was jolted by another sight: her 6-foot-one, 250-pound husband wearing “skintight, blaze-orange ...
Jul 07, 2021•21 min•Ep. 266
What are the boundaries of an open marriage? And what are the boundaries of an open marriage when your wife’s boyfriend has an accident that puts him in a coma? Do you introduce yourself to the hospital workers as the patient’s girlfriend’s husband? Wayne Scott and his wife, Elizabeth Thielman, have a “creative arrangement,” as Wayne puts it in his Modern Love essay. They share the children, the cats and the mortgage, but they have permission to see other people romantically. Today, we hear Wayn...
Jun 30, 2021•21 min•Ep. 265
In 2004, the comedian Cameron Esposito sat on the steps of Boston City Hall and watched as some of the first legally married same-sex couples in the United States emerged victoriously as newlyweds. Thirteen years, three boyfriends and 10 girlfriends later, Cameron was ready to marry the woman she assumed she would be with forever. “I expected to perfectly navigate marriage like some sort of lesbian phoenix that never stops rising,” Cameron wrote in her 2019 Modern Love essay. But when she found ...
Jun 23, 2021•19 min•Ep. 264
“Love life not working out? Health problems? Everything going wrong?” Amisha Patel used to be skeptical of astrological services that offered claims about the future. Her parents, who immigrated to the U.S. from India, would make annual trips back to Gujarat. When they returned to their New Jersey home, they would share predictions from Hindu astrologers about the fates of their children. “I found my parents’ belief in fate unnerving and un-American,” Amisha wrote in her Modern Love essay. But i...
Jun 09, 2021•20 min•Ep. 263
Last spring, Michael McAllister’s inbox started filling up with messages from heartbroken women. “I thought you were the man,” one wrote. “Embarrassing, but I kinda became obsessed with ‘you,’” another said. Michael discovered that his photos were being used to catfish women on dating apps — from Germany to Brazil to Chicago. Today’s story explores a global dating scam (that’s still going on, by the way) and the pandemic-fueled loneliness of digital life. Also, we hear from two women who were du...
Jun 02, 2021•22 min•Ep. 262
Kadine Christie’s birth story is one that has been told to her time and again. She was born in the mountain town of Spalding, Jamaica, in the presence of two women: her mother, Lorna, and a stranger, Lurline, who was going into labor in the same open ward. This is a story that feels like fiction, but is far from it. It has high stakes, unexpected connections and a surprising ending. Something astonishing — even magical — was born in that maternity ward 40 years ago. Tune in to learn why Kadine’s...
May 26, 2021•21 min•Ep. 261
Kacey Vu Shap had no desire to return to the Vietnamese orphanage of his youth. As a child, whenever he told people he was adopted, he would say that he came “premade” — that he spontaneously appeared one day at the Baltimore airport, greeted by a new family bearing flowers and kisses. “It was easier to sanitize my story by speaking only of my life as Kacey, who was loved and wanted, than to tell people of my life as Vu, who was abandoned and undesired,” Kacey wrote in his Modern Love essay. Nea...
May 19, 2021•24 min•Ep. 260
Welcome to our season premiere. Seven years into a serious relationship, Jake Maynard got a text from his mother: “Gramma Gert: 3, Jake: 0.” This was her way of telling him that his grandmother, in her 80s, was getting married for the third time, while Jake remained unmarried and childless in his late 20s. His family found this strange. Stranger still, at least in Jake’s view, was his grandmother’s choice of partner. (You’ll have to listen to the episode.) Today, we explore how two generations o...
May 12, 2021•24 min•Ep. 259
When Laura and her husband divorced after two decades of marriage, their “little Colorado mountain town” could barely tell. It was quiet compared to the dramatic natural disasters that were afflicting the area — like flooding and wildfires. There were no raised voices, no feelings of fury. So why did they split? In the lead-up to their divorce, Laura had a revelation about what good love — the kind that will “survive life” — is supposed to sound like. Featured stories: “No Sound, No Fury, No Mar...
Dec 23, 2020•20 min•Ep. 257
This holiday season, it’s OK to want more. Paula grew up in foster care, and year after year she would find herself “clobbered by desire” when the holidays rolled around. She longed for a mother and father to rescue her and “make everything better”; she wished for the hip-huggers and games she saw on TV. When she was 21, she met a man named Jeff who ruptured this annual cycle of desire. He became the inspiration for a hard-earned Christmas lesson. Featured stories: “The Holiday of My Dreams Was ...
Dec 16, 2020•26 min•Ep. 256
This episode contains descriptions of domestic violence. In 2013, Courtney Queeney published an essay about surviving domestic violence and the legal proceedings that followed. She described going to a courthouse every two weeks to renew her emergency protection order against her ex. It was during this period that she found “scattered bright spots” — things to laugh about when everything seemed unfunny. She found comfort in the woman who shared her court schedule; her lawyer, whom she revered; a...
Dec 09, 2020•26 min•Ep. 255
When Bette met her husband, he was leaning against a wall at a party. He had, as she put it, “smoldering looks and banked fires.” He was from Brooklyn; she was from the Bronx. She assumed his silent “bad boy” vibe meant “dangerous love and dramatic heartbreak.” They got married, and she realized that she’d misread his quiet demeanor: “His eyes were simply beautiful, and his silence wasn’t fierce; he just didn’t have anything to say at the moment.” After 56 years together, Bette’s husband passed ...
Dec 02, 2020•25 min•Ep. 254
Andrew and Sarah met on a dating app. Their first date was just supposed to be coffee, but it lasted nine glorious hours. They talked nonstop across four San Francisco neighborhoods. But by 2 a.m., Sarah had an admission to make. She told Andrew, who is Asian-American, that his “race might be an issue.” Andrew was shocked. The kicker? Sarah is also Asian-American. Today, we hear both sides of this story — and find out where Sarah and Andrew are now. Featured stories: “When a Dating Dare Leads to...
Nov 18, 2020•27 min•Ep. 253
Sarah and Liz met on a blind date in New York City. Sarah ordered a club soda with a splash of cranberry juice. Liz ordered wine — twice. A few weeks into dating, while taking a walk together through Chelsea Market, a feeling crystallized for Liz: “I knew in the way seasons change that I would love her before this one ended.” In order to make this work, Liz knew she could no longer hide from Sarah that she had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. But six weeks after they got married, Liz hit ...
Nov 11, 2020•24 min•Ep. 252
Feeling election stress? Today's stories about a man and his dog may help. Timothy Braun was on a run through the Texas heat. When he stopped at a local animal shelter for a drink of water, he was taken by a dog who stared at him with pointy ears and mismatched eyes — one brown, one blue. He had no intention of adopting a dog, but “out of curiosity, or God knows what” he looked into the dog’s folder. It said that he'd been abandoned by an old woman. Her reason? “Dusty keeps following me around t...
Nov 04, 2020•31 min•Ep. 251
In college, Malcolm Conner penned a rambling email intended for his crush. “You have cow eyes,” he wrote. “I know that sounds like a bad thing but have you ever looked into a cow’s eyes? They are so deep and brown and beautiful.” What he hadn’t disclosed — to his crush or to anyone at school — was that he was transgender and had transitioned at age 15. But he knew he had to tell this “charismatic acquaintance,” for what they had was flirtatious and unstoppable; it was, as Malcolm put it, physics...
Oct 28, 2020•20 min•Ep. 250
They disagreed on a lot of things: She was a “bleeding-heart liberal”; he was a “conservative libertarian.” He “came from good Irish Catholic stock”; she called herself a “hopeful agnostic.” When the firefighter chased her down the street to ask her out, she pinned him as “a bald, white, middle-aged New York City cliché.” On their first date, no topic was off-limits. Not racism, not abortion, not substance abuse. With each date, another debate. Today’s episode is about the space they found in ea...
Oct 21, 2020•26 min•Ep. 249
This episode contains strong language. On the first episode of the new Modern Love podcast, we hear from two women who examine their lives through the contents of their homes — the car in the driveway, the stained teacups, the razor and shaving cream by the sink. Though easy to ignore, these everyday objects often tell a larger story. Featured stories: “Bye Bye ‘Family’ Minivan," Kyrie Robinson “Tracking the Demise of My Marriage on Google Maps,” Maggie Smith Maggie’s story was narrated by Audm....
Oct 14, 2020•28 min•Ep. 248
Love is going to sound a little different this season. Tune into the first episode on Oct. 14, with new episodes every Wednesday. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Oct 07, 2020•2 min•Ep. 247
In this week’s essay, Lilian Oben writes about how essential it is to be seen in relationships — to be able to take up space, without being asked to change who we are. Her essay is read by Zawe Ashton ("Betrayal"). Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Jun 24, 2020•28 min•Ep. 246
Do you tell your friends you love them? And do you say it like that, using those words? Is it easy for you to say? Is it fraught? Ricardo Jaramillo takes those questions on in this week’s essay. It’s read by Ncuti Gatwa, who stars in “Sex Education” on Netflix. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify....
Jun 17, 2020•17 min•Ep. 245
Lorraine Toussaint ("The Glorias") reads an essay by Kim McLarin. Then, we catch up with Kim to hear how she is doing in this moment. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Jun 10, 2020•24 min•Ep. 244
Hasan Minhaj ("Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj") reads Brian Goedde's essay about a man investigating his own breakup. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Jun 03, 2020•20 min•Ep. 243
Saoirse Ronan ("Little Women") reads an essay about how a language barrier impacts the relationship between a young woman and an Iraqi doctor. This is an encore presentation. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
May 27, 2020•19 min•Ep. 242
"Lolita," Vladimir Nabokov’s novel about a man’s sexual obsession with a young girl, is famously controversial. But when Bindu Bansinath started to read it, it unexpectedly became a kind of road map for her, showing her a way out of the situation she was in. Jameela Jamil ("I Weigh") reads her piece. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify....
May 20, 2020•20 min•Ep. 241
Living alone can be liberating, maddening, joyful ... lonely. It also might feel very different today than it did several months ago. This episode features stories from people who live alone, telling us how they are doing right now. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
May 12, 2020•21 min•Ep. 240
If you're running out of things to do at home — or if you just need a break from stress and worry — we have a suggestion. Listen to this week's episode featuring Gillian Jacobs and Mandy Len Catron, and then try the 36 questions that (may) lead to love. You can find the 36 questions here: https://nyti.ms/2SFbICi Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify....
May 06, 2020•21 min•Ep. 239
Daisy Edgar-Jones (Hulu's "Normal People") reads Kyleigh Leddy's essay, about the online presence people leave behind. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Apr 29, 2020•19 min•Ep. 238
What if all the conventional wisdom about why you are single is wrong? Laura Prepon ("You And I, As Mothers") reads Sara Eckel's essay. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Apr 22, 2020•19 min•Ep. 237
