R.I.P. Thunderhawk

Two grown men and a child and a robot on vacation together. There's nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with that. Except I get worried about the power dynamic.

Hold one second. Okay. Yeah, I will. Yeah. Appreciate In my soundproof studio, I'm apparently too loud for the podcast studio next door.

you go tell him to go fuck himself. See?

Anyways, please continue. It's in true 80's spirit. Coffee and cocaine.

there may be a Quaaludes joke that I have in there.

I saw that. I did read the rundown ahead of time. I'm prepared.

I am ready.

2 Welcome to the Mobile Armored Podcast Show, the podcast that transforms into a YouTube channel about theme parks. My name is Adam Moore, alongside my co host and best friend, PJ McNerney. PJ, how's it going today?

I'm doing well. The sun is shining in the mountains. And things are getting a little warmer, which coincides very nicely with this episode where thermodynamics has something to do with the plot.

I guess I'll point out that PJ is podcasting from his youngest daughter's bedroom. That's nice. What are we looking at there, PJ?

It's pink. It goes with everything. she likes other colors too. Pink just looks so good on her.

And on you as well. We're going to dive right into the episode called Solaria Park Venom hides a heat ray weapon in an amusement park. That's it. And literally that's it for the episode. That is. All we get, really, from Venom, about why they're doing what they're doing. PJ, a little bit of a quiz here. Pick your favorite Bond villain.

I'm weird. I mean, I like Robert Shaw's character in from Russia with love, but I don't think anyone can deny that, Goldfinger had the panache.

Sure. What is Goldfinger's goal in the movie?

Goldfinger's goal is to irradiate a whole bunch of gold. To basically make it useless such that his gold supply goes up in value.

Is it bonkers? Yeah. Does it make sense? A hundred percent. PJ, why does Miles Mayhem build a giant heat ray

At this point, I think he is just trying to upset his science division for making really complex stuff that could be commercialized. It is super bonkers why you do this. And furthermore, why you hide it inside of an amusement park.

the coast of Greece?

Off the coast of Greece, like somewhere in the Aegean Sea,

But, Why did he build the ray gun? What is he trying to do?

his stated goal is to control the Mediterranean.

Why? That's the question. Goldfinger has a very Miles Mayhem esque plan in Bond. Irradiate a bunch of gold. That's bonkers. Why? To increase the value of his gold reserves. Oh, that's weird, but smart. Miles, bonkers idea. Build a heat ray and hide it in a theme park. Why? No reason given.

Yes. It's, Again, Miles has showcased a real lack of geographical knowledge. Like we talked about the trouble of the curvature of the earth is that, best case scenario at sea level, which is what they would be at. You've got like three miles. That's it. Maybe the statue of Zeus lets you see five, So there's no way you can legitimately. take over the Mediterranean from the small bit on the east side of it.

And again, and this is coming off another Pretty bad episode in Magma Mole.

Yeah,

very least a writer could do is just give a reason. It doesn't even matter. It could be, I'm building a heat ray in order to shoot planes out of the sky and ransom the nation of Greece for a billion dollars. That's fine. It's a bonkers plan, but at least it has a goal. Miles has no reason for building it. He never mentions, other than to control the Mediterranean, for what reason? come on, writers.

Yeah,

it's a giant heat ray for what purpose? None. He hasn't threatened a single human being in this episode

Other than Mask,

Other than mask.

Could be trespassing on private property. So I'm not familiar with all the laws in Greece

It's a stand your ground law, in, in Greece, and that's why Miles built it. Alright we already pointed out we are in Greece, we open on this lovely seaside village off the coast of Greece. And a very nice sailboat, where we find Scott and T Bob swabbing the deck. And PJ! Scott is not wearing his normal outfit. He's dressed in a dainty little sailor's outfit.

I know he's got more than one outfit of clothes questionable set of clothes, like what the hell is up with that outfit, but But, at the very least he is not wearing a blue t shirt and jeans

he's wearing the outfit That they dress four year olds in for like the Sears portraits that you used to buy in

Oh yeah!

I definitely have one of them where I'm like a chubby little, three or four year old toddler wearing a sailor's outfit. But that's what, 12 year old Scott is dressed in, in this episode. Um, Matt appears wearing a captain's hat because he's the captain and he shouts, land ho. Now, of course, they haven't been moving at all. They are literally anchored.

Yeah, I know.

Did he just wake up and notice they were anchored off the coast of an island?

like in a previous episode where he was sitting down while grilling and we think he was drinking, I think he had a little bit of a bender the night before and he's just woken up late and he's like, Whoa, Oh, Lando. Cause it, it seems like it's 11am in the morning.

Matt asks, who's ready to go exploring? I had the Thunderhawk shipped ahead. Wow. The man will not go anywhere without that Camaro.

yeah, I was like wondering about this because does he actually have a, A codependent relationship with his paramilitary group, because we never see him hang out with friends outside of these folks. This is the second episode in a row where he's actually just rolling with Bruce.

He's on vacation with Bruce. Two grown men and a child and a robot on vacation together. There's nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with that. Except I get worried about the power dynamic. like we've sort of established the mask agents like work for masks and if there is something going on, that's great. I'm just sort of worried that it's like, Bruce, you may want to get another job just to like, keep things on the level and not be an HR violation.

he has another job. He's a toy designer.

which is probably the company that Matt owns. This is what I'm saying. I did add this one theory and so this is like me, I'm really trying to give the writers something here. We know Venom's there. It's in the tagline. So we've got this like trope of mask happening to find out that Venom's at a particular spot on a regular basis. Yeah. But, if truly, and again, we have to lean into this idea that Matt actually wants to stop Venom.

Here's my question, why do they seem so surprised when Venom shows up? Especially Matt who's behind it all. He's all hanging out in Greece and it's all fun. And then he's super shocked when Venom shows up.

maybe it's like with the quality of the leads that are out there, Matt takes what he thinks are going to be the cushiest ones of them all. And when Venom's there, he's like, Whoa! Hold on, I did not expect this. I figured you're going to be doing a coup in Moscow. Or something like that.

That could be Anyways. Scott says he's too tired to go exploring. Because sailing is really hard. And T Bob's response is, Sailing? You mean slaving?

Sheesh.

Yikes. No one wants to go exploring with Matt, Because they're too tired.

Yeah! So Scott's response is Getting here is what made me tired. This sailing stuff is hard work. And Matt's like, you're the one who wanted to learn about all this sailing a ship. So I think it's questionable for Matt to be blaming Scott for a wanting to learn, which is a good thing and be just being honest about his feelings. It's also a huge boat, man. Did you notice how big it is?

It's giant.

and there's only four people on board which is Bruce, Matt, Scott, and T Bob. So either there's lot more crew, which becomes an issue in a second. Or there's so much automation or maybe Scott and T Bob really had to do all that labor.

Obviously. Because Matt then goes on and says, Okay, the crew is hereby granted one day to be lazy. And

are about.

so anyways, Matt decides he's gonna go explore on his own, and he hops into a little dinghy. And drives off, leaving Scott and T Bob behind with Bruce. Now, Scott and T Bob are sunbathing. And Scott uh, and T Bob are both complaining about how tired their muscles are. And Scott says, You're a machine. You can't be tired. Once again, You have no soul. And therefore, No feelings, T Bob. Ha ha

I'm really wondering about if we need to introduce a new award. I'm going to call it the Roy Batty award.

Referencing Roy Batty from Blade Runner.

Correct. And the criteria is if T Bob acted like Roy Batty, would T Bob crush someone's skull based on what they said to T Bob? In the same way as just how Roy Batty killed Tyrell. Because he gets hit so much with this nope, existence bit.

One of our fans online, do you remember who it was, PJ, had a theory about T Bob? The theory was that they downloaded Andy Tracker's consciousness into T Bob, and T Bob's little cybertronic brain can't deal with that amount of info, and it's why he's completely insane. It is an interesting theory for sure.

Maybe Scott was created or adopted for T Bob to give poor Andy someone to play with.

well, They are uh, lying there and then uh, T Bob's last line is I bet they're going to want us to put out those flames and Scott's like, what flames? And then we look up and we see the sail is on fire.

He's not emoting, by the way, so I'm wondering if T Bob has really gotten into this existential ennui. Where he's starting to believe his own lifelessness, and then it's like, where does anything else matter? At some point, you hit Nihilism.

he's not alive. He doesn't care. He's like, I can't die, because I'm not alive. Catch me on fire. Melt me down for scrap. It's fine. The boat becomes rapidly engulfed in flames. Pretty darn quick, actually. It's like a little fire on the mast, and then suddenly the whole boat is on fire.

Which is also questionable, because it's a boat. It's gonna be naturally covered. With sprays of water as well as like safety codes. So unless they're like covering it with kerosene, like I really was questioning why this thing caught on fire so quickly.

Thankfully, Matt has arrived at Thunderhawk, and he sees the fire, he drives to the shore, and I thought he was going to fly out to get them,

I did too.

because that seemed like the obvious idea, but instead he hops out of Thunderhawk, dives into the water, and swims out to meet them as they're coming in. And uh, he gives Scott a big hug in the water, which is great. He actually cares about Scott, but maybe get to shore first? Don't hug your son and pull him underwater. Heh.

With your massive frame.

And like, zero body fat?

I do want to call out one thing, if you look, Bruce does some Hondo level rescuing here. Like, He actually throws a blanket on to run through the fire and then just stands there in the middle of the vessel with them.

Well, That's the thing I was concerned about, is he just stands there. He doesn't try to get him out of the fire.

And then we see them, ultimately, the three of them, swimming and we sort of pray to God at this point in time that it was automation and not some hapless crew that is now being drug underwater from the burning flames of that boat.

have seen in multiple episodes that Mask cares little for the lives of non series characters. It can be aboriginal peoples in Australia on a big giant tornado machine ship. But, they don't seem to care or think about anyone else other than the named characters in the show. If you don't have a name in an episode of Mask, it's not good. something bad's gonna happen to you. Anyways Matt's going to send Scott and T Bob off to a hotel.

Matt is making sure that they have a place to stay. Okay. It is not like in the past where it's like, Hey, Scott, T Bob, go to the observatory and just go on this like dusty desert wasteland on your own. So it's like, Oh, I'm going to make sure. But again, Matt's going to be leaving Scott and T Bob alone in a foreign country, where they do not speak the language, just in a random hotel.

with a heat ray that clearly, I mean, they don't know anything just yet, but you'd have to surmise that Venom knew Matt was there and was targeting the sailboat because otherwise it's far too random

Yeah!

to catch on fire.

It really is.

Matt and Bruce go off and do some investigating in Thunderhawk. They discover a giant burnt circle. In the middle of the road somewhere. Looks like the road actually melted. And they realize it must have been the same thing that hit their boat. Matt discovers the direction the blast of heat came from, and then they take off into the sky, and they can't Find the source of it, but they do find a theme park called Solaria Park with a giant statue of Zeus It's their mascot. So it's not Mickey Mouse.

I was wondering where you like found out about this. Again, is there a travel magazine that is like, Oh, there's an eccentric billionaire but that's it. I mean, Like. he doesn't give the name of the eccentric billionaire so then it's like, well, how did he find out about it? Let us say it is a travel article. That means that the travel article writer had to write down, Oh, this new Solaria park, which is owned by a secretive eccentric billion millionaire.

also, I'm gonna say here, just from the overhead view of Solaria Park, It's like the crappiest theme park I've ever seen. a merry go round. And that's it? A few carnival games?

Yeah, it might be like a rollercoaster maybe,

for an eccentric millionaire, it doesn't have much of an imagination.

They blew the budget on the giant statue of Zeus

And the Heat Ray.

and the heat ray.

Matt says, I'm punching this spot in the location of our ship. Thunderhawk's navigational computer should be able to triangulate and give me the location.

All right. We're going to have to go to math corner here for a minute. so in math you have when we say the word triangulate, Like literally the word triangle is in there. You actually need at least three points to do triangulation. We have two here, so just so aware, given two points, you can relate them with a straight line. So what Matt is saying is the computer will draw a straight line from the boat to this spot, and then try and figure it out.

They do not do that.

No.

Well, Ugh. It's Venom, PJ.

what?

Yes, because suddenly Switchblade shows up and fires at bruce asks, is he the eccentric millionaire?

Which is such a weird line and never is answered. don't know, but he's sure mad about something. He's always mad about something.

Yeah clearly they don't know how much Miles likes to laugh.

It's true. He loves laughing and enjoying his job. Did you find it weird that Thunderhawk, like it had no early warning system? it's like a, not a huge number of venom vehicles. You have to do IFF on, Identify friend or foe. basically Thunderhawks just like hanging about when Switchblade in helicopter mode, no less, not even coming in that fast. Gets a shot off and just damages Thunderhawk.

There's a lot of questions about what technology Matt does not include in mask helmets and vehicles, and this is yet another one of them. To get out of the way of Switchblade, Matt does a nosedive in Thunderhawk, and then he pulls up at the last minute and, sails over these trees, but Switchblade apparently can't pull off the same maneuver in a very high powered jet and gets trapped in the trees.

to think through this one because I agree. So let's take the first part of it, which is that having Thunderhawk drop like a rock is totally within that capability. And Thunderhawk, just by the, the nature of it has to be slower than Switchblade. it doesn't have the engine capacity to have something faster than Switchblade. Unless there's something we're just completely unaware of. I, my only thing was Switchblade's speed in this case actually is working against it.

Yeah, he's stuck in the trees, fly back around and drop some bombs.

Yeah. Just like, all right, we're done.

We know it's Venom now. And so Matt calls the computer in Boulder from the computer in Thunderhawk. And we nosedive into the agent selection scene. First up. Broussato. That's good. Sort of Gives Matt a thumbs up and a wink.

Yeah, it was a fun little thing. He's like, yep, I'm already here, Matt. So we don't have to have an awkward conversation about how, why the computer didn't pick me. Okay. I did think it would be fun if Bruce had suddenly just jumped out of Thunderhawk, just out of instinct, more than anything else. Like, Oh, I gotta run! Oh, wait, no, I'm already here.

Next up is Brad Turner. And this is a lazy repeat. He's just playing alone in the studio. He gets the call and he runs out. phoning it in like much of the rest of this episode. Someone who never phones it in is Hondo McClain, our next agent. He's in his office grading papers. He gets the call and he He shrugs and he runs out and I was pleased that at least he didn't throw a book at someone

I know it was a pretty subdued uh, uh, exit I'll say for Hondo, cause you know, Hondo and Buddy definitely like compete for that biggest jerk in terms of leaving their jobs. Not this time.

mean, he had a big stack of papers. So maybe grades were due. Like everyone's waiting on it. The registrar wants to close up the semester, but they can't because Hondo hasn't graded the papers.

Timmy needs to send that, transcript to Harvard and he's not going to be able to. So like that just blows his dreams of a scholarship and pulling his way out

Now that is very Hondo. Next up is Dusty Hayes. Another repeat. he's at the pizza shop, spinning dough, gets the call and uh, he drops it and runs out. This time he is humming a little tune though. So there's that.

I kind of Liked the idea of reinforcing with Brad, his loneliness of just being in the studio by himself. And in this case, I kind of liked the idea that the same kid came back after the last time Dusty pulled this shit. And now Dusty's just doing it again.

The final member of the team. Gloria Baker, champion race driver, black belt in Kung Fu, Team Hottie. She's in a dressing room, holding up a dress to see if she likes it. Not trying it on, mind you, just holding it up in the mirror. And uh, she gets the call and calmly hands the dress to a clerk and walks, not runs, out. Fascinating.

Really fascinating. I did wonder, is she seeing if she's gonna like it? Or if she thinks that Matt's gonna like it?

We know it's about Matt.

we know the answer.

But she doesn't run.

No.

She clearly has a pattern of not wanting to get to Boulder very quickly after jumping out of numerous vehicles when she gets the call and running. And now she's at a mall, which could be, presumably in Boulder. So she's not too far away, but she just Waltz is her way out of the store. Maybe she likes to make Matt wait? She's playing hard to get.

Oh, part of this game that they play. These two.

Caught in this dance. Also, one thing that finally came to my mind for the first time is that the computer never wants Jesus Matt for a mission. Ha,

It's true. I really would love to hear the computer's assessment of Matt. I think it would go along the lines of he's a billionaire man child with too much time on his hands, yet not enough for his adopted son. Flies Thunderhawken, And maybe that's why Matt basically like hits mute every single time like before it gets to him

The team, aside from Matt and Bruce, are being briefed at mask headquarters and they learn the deal and they're going to go off and meet them in Greece. And then they go into the radiation chamber of death to get their masks and they head off. We cut to a hotel where Scott is shopping for new yachts. Just go through a magazine, shopping for, for yachts. Just what an entitled little man he is.

This is all he knows though, this is the problem is that he's shopping for new yachts, And it's a lot of responsibility for a kid, But I think this is the last time we see him in the entire episode.

Until the more you know segment at the end.

we get this little cutaway to Scott. Which advances the story not at all.

Not at all, it just shows him shopping for yachts. Like, all the 8 year old kids who are watching the show, during our day, shopping for yachts.

We wanted to write something in that would really connect with the youth. And we figured, the two beats of the scene are shopping for yachts and having your toy giant robot fall into the water and not kill someone.

You and I are in our single parent homes, eating generic frosted flakes, watching a kid shop for yachts. Cool, man. Very cool. Also T Bob falls into the pool and it's a good thing he is waterproof because he would have electrocuted everyone, in there.

Again, we don't see anyone else. So actually I do have a concern. Yes, he's at a hotel. Is this hotel populated with anyone else or has it been abandoned?

The team is finally assembled. They're all gathered together and Brad is like, so this is Greece. And Gloria says, it's beautiful. Like clearly Brad is just here for the fun of it. He's just sightseeing.

it's absolutely true. I just want to do another time check. It takes 13 hours to fly from Denver to Greece, best case scenario. What the hell is anyone else doing?

I know, they're not even hanging out with Scott at the hotel.

Matt and Bruce for 13 hours are doing their best to avoid these guys. And at that level, it's like, it would have to be the next day because we know that the sun is shining again.

Right.

even if it was the, let's say it's 6am, let's say, let's not even say 11, let's say it was 6am previously, that means that it's like 7pm by the time Mask shows up.

Yeah. So they're just driving around in Thunderhawk, talking about their feelings. well, We learn they have to go across the Aegean Sea to get to Solaria Park, Condor takes off. Gator transforms into boat mode. Thunderhawk takes off, but we have Firecracker there. And Hondo very astutely says Matt, I hate to complain, But, Firecracker can't fly. And I guess my question is, why did they bring Firecracker? If they had to travel over water?

don't know because it's not as if it's gonna especially do much this episode. My thought is you're in the water, shark, which is Gloria's vehicle, transforms into a submarine, wouldn't that be a better choice to have?

Yeah, and I thought, even if it's like, The agents have to go with their vehicles, So yes, Hondo would have to bring Firecracker, I was like, okay, So it means he's gonna use Blaster in the episode. Not once.

Nope.

Another episode goes by and Hondo does not use blaster at all, which would actually come in really handy in this episode,

Yes it would.

doesn't use it at all. well, Bruce says in response to Hondo, the bird of prey has not only wings for flying, but feet for lifting. First of all, they're not feet, Bruce. They're talons. But anyways the point is Bruce uses Lifter to carry Firecracker along with them.

I had a really disturbing thought about how far this metaphor is getting pushed. A bird of prey uses its talons, or its quote unquote feet, for capturing prey in order to eat them. So if Thunderhawk is the bird of prey And Lifter is the feet. Does that make Firecracker the prey? Are they going to eat Hondo later on? Like, should we be concerned here?

Maybe, because Honda really through the ringer during this trip over the Aegean Sea, as we will find out in a

does.

Suddenly Piranha shows up in sub mode. Fires a torpedo at Gator. Switchblade fires on Thunderhawk, which has to swerve, causing Firecracker to get jostled. And Hondo says, I feel like a baby in a cradle. That's a pretty weird metaphor, Hondo.

Yeah, Honda, how do you think babies are supposed to be swung? But, can we talk about Brad is kind of a jerk at this point in time, because he sees Piranha. He just warns Gator, doesn't do any proactive thing. And once again, it's like with the exception of Hondo all these guys are trained to be reactive constantly. Another science corner note. What's fired is a heat seeking torpedo, which does not exist. It's a terrible weapon because infrared light does not transmit underwater.

What's crazy though is the torpedo does in fact lock on to gator, which must have the hottest motor. It is radioactive, like it's, plutonium propelled. So maybe.

What if it's this though? What if like, the science division said, okay, this is going to rock lock on to the very specific Radiation emitted by the masked vehicles and Sly's like, Oh, you mean it's a heat seeking torpedo. And they're like, no, it's not a heat seeking torpedo. No, it's a heat seeking torpedo. Like, He just can't get it through his head that it's anything other than that.

Sure. I'll give him that. But um, Dusty can't shake it. He can't shake that torpedo. Brad's lasers can't even get the torpedo because it's too deep. What's gonna happen PJ?

I don't know. I don't know. It's so scary.

We'll find out after these messages.

And we're back and when we left you, Dusty and Gloria were doomed. We're doomed. The torpedo is coming right towards them. They're gonna blow up and they're gonna be the end of them, but don't worry, dear listener, they fire a whirlpool Depth charge

Oh, thank God.

which generates a giant water spout which seems frankly way more dangerous than a torpedo Like they can all get sucked into it, but it sucks up. The torpedo Gloria uses aura to deflect the torpedo back towards sly racks. And phew. We got out of trouble there.

I'll tell you my theory. We have established many times, partially by our own words, Gloria is an adrenaline junkie. So I think this mission, like it, it has not been exciting enough for Gloria. Cause she is the one that suggests this radically dangerous maneuver. It's like, Nope, we got to do it this way. It's are you sure Aura can't work on Nope! the whirlpools, depth charge.

It's true, she doesn't even try using Aura underwater. And not just any depth charge. The Whirlpool depth charge. Well, That takes care of Piranha. But Switchblade is still following Thunderhawk so Hondo uses his hypno headlights on Mayhem, a new power that the headlights apparently have, so they don't just get super bright, He uses hypno headlights, which kind of lulls Mayhem into sleep, basically. And Mayhem puts Switchblade into autopilot mode before he passes out.

is pretty weird thing that leads to a lot of very interesting questions.

Yeah.

Can't Hondo use blaster to just knock Switchblade out?

I thought that was the plan.

Yeah. We've seen Hondo use Blaster effectively in the past.

Yeah.

Okay. Let's take the hypno headlights though at face value. so you're going to put the pilot of an airplane to sleep. The only pilot of that airplane to sleep. And I guess you have zero idea whether or not an autopilot actually exists. Wouldn't that mean that Miles will crash and that will kill him?

Yeah, either way, whether it's Blaster or the Hypno Headlights, Hondo's going in for the kill.

He really is. I think he's tired of this BS and he's like, you know what? I'm just going to take this down. And why hasn't this been used in the past? It actually seems like a great way to like, Take down Venom by putting him to sleep.

Or if they're Hypno Headlights, yeah, put them to sleep, that's fine, but why not hypnotize them to do something? Hypnotize them to turn around and fly somewhere else. Or to reveal their dastardly plan. No, it's just to put them to sleep. Which will then crash the jet, Kill Mayhem, and probably piss off Matt, cause Matt does not want Mayhem dead.

Also whatever collateral damage occurs from the crashing of that jet.

yeah, exactly. Gloria and Dusty, they try to catch Sly on the shore, but Sly escapes magically. Which at least they're trying, right?

Yeah. I mean, Like they're trying to do something here. And cause, cause Sly goes flying out of Piranha, like ridiculously, like that guy, how he does not have a broken neck constantly, I have zero idea.

We've got Gloria, Dusty, and Hondo now on the shore. And Matt decides that he and Brad are gonna go flying off in pursuit of Miles. But Matt just says, investigate the island. What does he expect Gloria and Dusty to do?

just hang out.

just, yeah, you watch the sand. Make sure nothing gets disturbed.

To be fair, Hondo has proven to be the most competent mask agent, constantly.

Yeah, I'll give him that. So they're off in pursuit of Miles, who has switched Switchblade into autopilot mode. And it's doing a great job flying itself there.

It does an amazing job most autopilots just keep you straight. This one is doing these maneuvers, it's going around a rock outcropping. And it enters into the secret rock outcropping, which is a really hard maneuver to pull off, especially in jet mode.

It's a hard right into this hidden door that opens in a mountain and then closes. And because of that, the mask team can't find him. So they all gather back together to figure out what to do next. And they're wondering, should they search the whole island? And Bruce, who's got a lot of zingers this episode, says, Dig not with the hands, when the shovel lies waiting. And good old Dusty says, Oh Bruce, holy cow! Ha Ha So there's your Buddy Hawks Award nomination

There we go. It's

And uh, Matt explains, he just means Whatever Venom's up to, Solaria Park must be involved. And there you have, right after it, Matt's leap of logic of the episode.

Amazing. It's what?

Yeah, and he looks so smug when he says it too. I actually paused it at that moment to type some stuff into the rundown here, and I happened to pause it on the smuggest look Matt has ever had.

I sometimes wonder like, I mean, cause he's He doesn't get as bad as brutalizing his folks as, let's say, like Miles shitting on Cliff.

mhm.

But there's times he comes close where he just like really wants them to feel bad.

I'll go back to the Star Chariot episode. Where he says that Dusty has an empty teepee, meaning his brain. That's pretty harsh.

true. It's just true. I wonder if Dusty and Cliff ever get together and they just drink and talk about how much they're being brutalized by their bosses.

I bet they actually get along really well.

I think so too.

well, the Team goes to Solaria Park. And Brad says, Boy. Look at all the rides. This place will be great when it opens again. Just proving Brad is here for the fun. Like,

I'm

but yeah, he's like, Hey, y'all go look for the stuff. I'm going to check out the Ferris wheel. There's no line, but again,

ahead of time and go enjoy the Ferris wheel.

Also, I'll just point out again, it's the crappiest amusement park I've ever seen. It's like Coney Island, but less fun. or the pier at Santa Monica. Anyways, we cut to Venom's underground lair, and the whole gang is there. Miles, Sly, Cliff, Vanessa. And Miles says, In due time. I'll unleash enough power to control the entire Mediterranean area. Again, for what reason? First of all, he doesn't say the entire Mediterranean Sea. He says the area, whatever that is, because it's a pretty big area.

I Don't know if the tourist situation was better in the 80s for Greece, but I will say that the economic situation in Greece over the last couple of decades is Was so bad. There was threats of economic contagion, basically taking down Europe before, Germany bail them out. So it's like really questionable why miles who seems pretty monetarily focused wants to take over here.

And there's also the Suez Canal there as well.

Correct.

So there's a lot of military activity there. which would actually be a great idea, Miles. You want to control the Mediterranean, especially the the eastern Mediterranean, because you want to be able to defeat the world's militaries, or at least all the world's navies, with your giant heat ray. Great idea. Does he say it? No. Once again, no reason. Just, likes the Mediterranean. And who doesn't, Miles? It's a beautiful area. The climate's great. The food is wonderful. The people are wonderful.

Instead of taking all that money to build this stuff, maybe you should just invest in some real estate there, if you love it that much.

Exactly. You're an eccentric millionaire, apparently. So Mask splits up at Solaria Park to investigate. And Dusty and Gloria are together. And Dusty says, Come on, Gloria. Let's start in the funhouse. Gloria laughs and says, You never change, do you, Dusty? Dusty just kind of shrugs, and I kind of agree like, What is she talking about? Anyways. The whole team, they just find buildings full of mirrors. No rides, no games. Peace.

I love this line you've got going on here of just like, Hey, it's, it's not. amusement park. It's the concept of an amusement park, and we want you to face off with what is actually going inside of you. Miles has been theatrical, and now he's philosophical with these Funhaus mirrors. He's taking it to the next level.

Matt says nothing in Solaria Park is real Except these silly mirrors and a piece of him died that day PJ. Matt believed in Solaria Park There was truly magic in that place That a man no matter how old Could become a boy again and enjoy the pure joy of life one more time, but now Matt knows for sure that dream is dead Because nothing Nothing in Solaria Park is real. It's just smoke and mirrors PJ

I love this idea that he read an article. About this place and then became so emotionally invested as a way of trying to recapture his lost innocence That now it's like he's come face to face with it and he realizes it's just a facade You know what the real nature of Matt's mask is Adam

what is it

to hide his tears his deep troubled tears

Yeah, he did found this to avenge the death of his brother that he never talks about, so I'd imagine there's some trauma he's processing here, but he can't even process it at Solaria Park because it's not real. Brad wonders where the bad guys are and Bruce says, The farther the water goes out, the bigger the wave that returns. And I guess he's kind of right, because suddenly, a moment later, these giant mirrors explode from buildings and underneath the ground.

I know they have the masks on which protect their faces. We're talking about like a lot of potential broken glass or just rubble coming up from everywhere. You might want to just like. Get inside a vehicle.

And also, I mean, you know, firecracker does a quick turn. Gator falls out of the flatbed. It's pretty, it's not strapped down. It's like precariously placed in the, it's like a jet ski just kind of dumped in the back Anyways fun escape sequence though, right?

Yeah.

to get away. These mirrors are popping up all over the place.

yeah, I mean, it's, there's something about it. That's engaging. I will say that this might be Brad just wanting to have some fun. He flies Condor, which. Is the vehicle that can get away the easiest But Brad chooses to fly this underneath a very low amusement park sign. Because apparently he needs to do it.

Again, Brad is there for the fun, period. That's it.

It's true.

We find out that somehow Venom will be able to collect sunlight in all these mirrors and use the mirror on the statue of Zeus lightning bolt. You still following me here? To fire a heat ray in any directions. And apparently bombs won't work against it. For some unknown reason?

All right, let's go to science quarter. solar collectors are a thing Most of the time, the way that solar panels work is that it is taking photons and effectively running an led in reverse and led you fire electricity to emit a photon a solar panel absorbs a photon to emit electricity. That's not how solar collectors work. The way solar collectors work is that these mirrors are used to focus the sun's rays onto a, like a limited area.

It can burn a bird to death But let's just say I'm in a jet and I fire a rocket at it. Can it blow up a rocket?

it's unlikely to be able to pull that off. Especially if you fire off like a lot of rockets, I mean, these are encased in metal, so you'd have to actually like heat, heat it up enough to get through the metal and try and ignite whatever's inside of there. But it's going to be going really quick.

Masked writers, please work with us.

Help us here. Help us understand

We're trying. Miles says he's gonna give them a taste of just minimum power. Which is pretty strong. Don't get me wrong. But why wouldn't he just open it up full blast on them? Doesn't he want Masked dead?

No, it's clear that he doesn't I even think like Miles is hitting a point where he realizes his own stupidity of his plan. Like, there's just so much trouble. I went to, to make the park. To get that article written to set up all these things. And now he's like, I can't threaten anybody with this thing. I don't know if he's hoping to have an evil tax write off at this point of time, and he's hoping a mask is going to destroy it, but it's like, it's just why wouldn't you?

Maybe it is all for tax write offs. Maybe that's Venom's entire purpose is a giant tax write off for miles that he just appreciates all this stuff. It takes the hit for all his failed projects. The giant submarine, the giant tornado machine now this giant heat ray, all of them are complete disasters and probably cost hundreds of millions of dollars, if not billions of dollars. You know, If Venom's a proper company, he writes that off. So maybe it's great for the shareholders.

Maybe, maybe he's like, just,, he is like building subdivisions in the Midwest and that's actually like the real thing is how he's actually hiding all that money is by virtue of these boondoggles,

It's all to fund his racing team.

which we'll see in a,

We have the big Masked Venom battle of the episode breaking out here, and I just want to point out again that throughout, Gloria and Dusty remain in Gator in the back of Firecracker. The heat ray manages to have some effect. It actually damages Condor. And then Matt does something absolutely bizarre. He parks Thunderhawk On the top of one of the mirrors, and then Firecracker and Gator fire their freeze rays at Thunderhawk.

One thing I meant to point out earlier is that, these mirrors necessarily are facing inward towards their focal point. But you could blow out the backs of them really freakin easily. There's nothing to say that you don't just take out the entire structure from behind. And Miles can't shoot you because he'd be shooting at his own mirrors.

And do any mask powers give you the ability to fire laser blasts?

Hmm. I almost want something that's like a blaster.

maybe mask vehicles that fire lasers. No, instead, here's what we're going to do. We're going to park Thunderhawk on top of the mirrors, freeze it, cause it to slide down, crash into the base of the statue and blow up. Like it's a complete waste of Thunderhawk.

It really is! There's no reason for it other than I am going to do it. Blow up Thunder Hawk. It's a bad plan, they at least try to pull together these mask powers in some kind of combination, as convoluted as it is. Just to be like, teamwork is all about working together.

Look. This was the worst Venom plan so far, simply because there was no plan. Miles went halfway. He built a heat ray. To do? No idea. So I guess Mask uses their worst plan ever

ha.

to defeat Venom's worst plan ever. So a little tit for tat there. Okay. That's fine. Again, no need to sacrifice Thunderhawk. I can't think of any reason other than. Tax write offs, right? I

you know, let's, let's, let's call it what it is. Venom and Mask really phoned it in this episode. Miles and Sly are the only Venom agents to have a line. I actually was noticing that Cliff is there, he doesn't say anything. Vanessa is there, she doesn't say anything. And, you know, when they're all together maybe Sly also says Like, we all gotta get out of here! And then he also has his heat seeking torpedo bit. But besides that that's it. Everyone's just tired.

say this again, I know I said it in the last episode and I will not belabor the point in future episodes, dear listeners, so I apologize, but I just have to say it again. If you're writing a show where the characters have masks with powers, and vehicles that transform to do cool things, pick characters for the episode. powers that you want to use in the episode and the villains too, by the way, and the vehicles.

and the, freeze ray. So it was two things. I got it wrong earlier.

But Gator has a freeze ray. I don't know. I have no words. Look, and I'm not saying I'm the best writer in the world either. But, let's just use our brains. And do some simple, basic writing 101.

This is the Chekov's mask problem. Like, If you're gonna show a mask in the first act, you better damn well make sure it's used in the third.

absolutely PJ, you nailed it right there. One of the final lines in the episode this comes from Dusty he says, At seven years per mirror, I bet Venom just landed 60 million years of bad luck.

And then they all laugh. They all laugh uproariously. And you know what is a great thing about this, Adam? What is it?

What?

They're not laughing at something racist, They are laughing at Venom's incompetence. And, cut above what we've seen in the past.

Boy, it sure is. We fade out and we go to the more you know segment. And Scott is working on a car that it's covered. So the car's covered. We can't see what car it is, but Scott is underneath it turning wrenches doing something. And Matt and Bruce show up and Matt says, you're a little young to be working on a car, aren't you? And you know, Matt just wants to make sure that Scott's being safe. And Scott says that he's got the handbrake on really tight. And all the wheels are blocked.

This is my thing, this is what I was questioning. If you're having child labor be done, make sure it's as safe as possible. We also, it's like, Scott is working on Thunderhawk, which is, it's a flying Camaro, so it's an incredible piece of technology. So does that mean he is also well versed in that technology? Because otherwise, I don't know if I want Scott working on Thunderhawk. randomly tightening the wrong things.

Yeah. And uh, Bruce says we all know how much you miss the old Thunderhawk, so we all worked double time to get this new one ready.

Clearly that's false. We know masks do not work overtime. They just run out on their jobs.

Exactly. and again, it does connect right to the episode, because Thunderhawk gets destroyed and so they have to build him a new one, but this more you know, And again, the more you know have been very some of them have been very dramatic. the child molester one. Most have been benign. Some have been a little bizarre. Like the bike one in which Scott wasn't riding a bike at all. This one is just as lazy as the rest of the episode.

It's 100 percent right.

Kids, when you're turning wrenches underneath the car, make sure that handbrake is on.

Don't question why you're underneath those cars. Don't question why you're being forced to perform labor. Just make sure that it's as safe as possible. As a safe as possible to get daddy and other beer.

That's it for this episode. Episode 13 is called, The Creeping Terror. Venom unleashes a horde of giant caterpillars to destroy a South American jungle in hopes of finding a lost Mayan temple. Without even watching the episode, you've got torch. On Cliff's helmet. Just torch the forest. You don't need to genetically engineer giant caterpillars to eat the forest.

Maybe Miles is like. He needs to get the forest torched, but he's actually very concerned from an environmental standpoint. So he wants the caterpillars to more naturally like, consume, and then emit the refuse in order to repopulate the trees. I don't know man, I'm out there at this point in time. I think Miles basically is just getting a little more I don't know, it's got to get bigger and grander and weirder every single time. Are

Mayan temple. I'm hoping, against all hope, that we will not see any indigenous people in this episode. Not because I don't like indigenous people, but because of how MASC has traditionally handled the indigenous people in it's, in the episodes.

you saying that they're not always handled with the, grace and cultural sensitivity that one would aspire to?

I will leave that up to the listeners to decide. This podcast does in fact have to transform and head back to HQ. We want to thank all of you awesome people for coming along on the ride for us here. I am Adam Moore. Bye.

I am PJ McNerney.

are

Bye.

Boy.