Misspelling with Tory spelling an iHeartRadio podcast.
So I'm drinking water.
You're drinking water because I'm in your house and I'm being a good guest.
I it's and you were talking and you put it in my hands. It's good for your system. Zane brought it to you.
Fairness, he did it kind.
Of forced you to drink water. But it's good for your water hydrating. You keep telling me that it is. I'm telling you it's good for your skin, it's good for your cells, good for every part of your body. Your body is what ninety seventy five, seventy five.
You have no idea what you look at with the big brain. Now, all right, totally okay, Tory two point zero?
Okay, how's that going?
So you coin that, yes, yes, I had to think about it.
How's it going?
It definitely started okay. But it's okay to have ebbs and flows, right, so I'm having It's not.
A hiccup, it's not. So it's totally okay to have ebbs and flows. And like we talked about before, it's not an easy thing to do to decide to change your outlook on life, but you just you stay at it. That's That's the thing is you just keep doing it, even like when it's hard and you're gonna go back and forth and you're gonna have times you're gonna make choices and go that's not the choice that I should have made, and that didn't feel good. But then do
you make a better choice the next time. It's all about being aware of what it is you do right, you know.
But I had awareness before, I just didn't act on it, or I didn't have the confidence.
To act on exactly.
But I feel like I'm in a better place. I don't say sorry anymore rarely.
I I have been. I see things that you post every once in a while, and your your demeanor and your presence is different, Like you are much more aware of the fact that you have a voice and the people are listening to it, and you are. You appear to be much more ah, You're it's like you're trying to You're you're setting a much better example for people. It's really impressive to see because I know it's not easy. It's not easy to do.
No.
I mean, I wanted to say like living in a shadow, but it there's so many multiple shadows. I felt like I was living in for you know this as well, I mean sure from us like growing up on nine two oh yeah.
All sorts of things from home, from work, from relationships for it, and that all builds up and then you start losing focus of like, oh my god, what is really me? And then what is like some protective thing that I that I put up because of past experiences.
One hundred percent. Wait, when we met we were fifteen. Seen the pilot though.
Because I was driving.
You were driving. Yeah, you're two months younger than me.
Sixteen, sixteen, and then seventeen when we started actually shooting episode two. Why did I think the pilot we were fifteen? No, if we were fifteen, I would have had to go with my parents, and I know for sure that I didn't. I remember, like I remember that we were at Torrance High School, right, and that I drove there. I remember where our cars were. Part of that place is so it's so it's so crazy, the those memories, like I going back and I wish you would have been there.
When we did the live podcast from from the school. It was so interesting to be in spots and go like I remember standing around this corner waiting to hear action. To come up like those were. Everybody else looked around. They're like, oh my god, the fountain and the stairs, and I was like I could remember because we were there so often. I remember all the kids looking over the balcony and like that kind of odd weird thing hiding behind spots like I like, I remember. I remember
the campus for that reason. I remember the way that the ways we used to walk to get out to set from the parking lot. I can see it right now. Oh my god. Remember remember the courtyard that was kind of off in the back that almost it was it was all grass and it had like a wrought iron fence around it, and it almost felt like like the side yard of a church property. And it was around
the front. It was on the off off the main street, and we'd walk around that way sometimes times, and there was they had a couple of walkways through there, but like nobody ever walked through there. It was sort of the it was the ghost town of the campus.
Oh my gosh, our trade, I can like see our I remember meeting you like I can see it.
Yeah, for sure, out where the like circular drive kind of thing was at the at the the front of the school. Remember the front of the schools on the trailer side street. Yeah, so remember the trailers used to be parked around the front. Oh, it was the front. When we shot the pilot, we were part of the trailers were out front, like along the sidewalk.
So crazy.
And then we ended up moving to the back parking lot later on. But we didn't start there. We had to do school. You don't, So I don't remember you doing school unless you did set school in your trailer by yourself, like you had your own teacher or something.
No, I did it with you on the pilot.
I think, I thinks I have I literally have zero memory. I have memory of being in class with Doug Emerson and then and then sneaking out to smoke cigarettes with Jason, but.
It was in a trailer. It wasn't.
Yeah, but I remember when the series got picked up, I was in I got my GD because I didn't want to.
Have to do set school. Yeah, okay, probably.
Because if I had to do it with you, I would have like.
Flunked it, flunk toward why.
Yeah, I was sixteen, and it was like a boy's cute, like I don't know it six year old girls.
I went to an all girls' school. Did you really? Yes? Oh? Okay?
I literally said, I don't want him to do school with Brian, And I felt like, you didn't do on set school?
I didn't? Forward, I did, so I did on set school. Going forward. I ended up graduating from Amelia Earhart, which is the continuation school of North Hollywood High, Okay. And the reason I went there is because they were They were great with like school work. They were like, we don't you don't need to be here like this is. These are just the assignments like try and get them done when you can.
It was great, but you still had a set teacher for I did, but it was only for that year. It was only for half of that year and then ten and then I was done. So I graduated six months earlier than the rest of my class because I the school set up there was great. You could sit in my classroom and do all the work that you wanted. You didn't have to go like from class to class teacher to teach her. So I did, like type in class in two days like I did, like I just buckled down and got stuff done.
I was like, I just want to be done with this.
It's unfair, right, now, because so you're saying. So, the only way I could take the ged is my mom said, when you're not filming, you still have to.
Go to school.
Okay, So I took it, but I still had my school work. But I didn't have a set teacher. So I did do it like after we filmed. Okay, so it was double the work. Yeah, and I did it just so I didn't have to sit in class with you and look silly.
God, I blew it blew.
It could have been nothing, nothing else, like it's.
It's not like it added to any education. No to me. No, I always tell people like when I can't think of things or I don't know the answer to stuff like set school is my excuse. And some people had really good set school teachers. I just didn't care enough.
But it's not like you needed it.
Well, that's not true. I think everybody needs it, needs it to a certain degree. I guess it needs an education.
Yes, I didn't mean to say that, but I mean, I see my sixteen year old struggling with I don't even know decimals and fractions and it's just the numbers, and I'm just like she's a creative, like, right, I mean, I don't want to tell her not to like and she's doing really well, but I'm like, God, she's going to do something creatively and she's never going to need this. And they have calculators now, we didn't have that, right, you.
Know, a great calculator in your phone. You don't even need to buy a separate calculator. Yeah, I think. I think like academics are a tough one. I mean, they're necessary for some lines of work for sure, and then for other ones they're not nearly as necessary. I kind of feel like school teaches work ethic compared to just the academics. So it's like okay, if she's not academically into a certain class or certain things, it's like okay at least. Still. I always say this with my kids,
just try. As long as I know you're trying your hardest, I can't expect you to get a's, b's like I get it. Like I remember when I was in school and there were certain classes where it was just like I can't for the life of me, I cannot like excel at this class. I cannot make it happen, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I study. So I think that's that that's kind of the bar for me with my kids.
I had the same I mean, to this day, I'm retraining my brain to know I'm not stupid or dumb because I failed close but I failed algebra twice and it likes I was like they were like all ninth graders and I was like the eleventh grader's still there, like wamp and yeah.
I remember. I remember elementary school. I was really good at math. I was always like head of my class, like I took pride and like I was so good and then algebra started and it was like Titanic, like the ship just sank. I could not wrap my brain
around it. And then it just like like I remember the first sea I got was in math and there was a parent teacher conference and I hadn't told my parents that I had a see and and so we went to the school and I knew like they were gonna be sitting in front of my math teacher and
that that was gonna come out. And I was like, I like, you know that thing when you're a kid of like if I close my eyes hard enough and nobody can see me, like and I can't see anybody, then nobody can see me like that, do you so? I remember doing that, and then of course they found out and they were so disappointed, which was it's the worst. That's the worst word. Like I would much rather my parents were mad at me than disappointed in me. You're
so right. Disappointed is like yeah, it's like, oh man, how all you want to do is fix it? But it's like, how am I gonna I'll try harder in the algebra, but I can't. I can't guarantee that I'm gonna fix it and then not disappoint you disappoint like mad, you could, You'll get over. Disappointment felt like it was a forever thing for me.
I can't believe we have five kids each.
That's crazy.
How'd that happen? I mean, I know, but I'm just it's crazy. Yeah, it's uh yeah, yeah.
What's crazy is Iron, who always, to me seemed like the real romantic guy, Like I always assumed he'd be the family guy first, and he's like the last one. I think he was the he was the last one to have kids.
Really hmmm.
If you think about it, Luke had kids, Jenny had kids, You had kids. Yeah, you're right, Gabrielle had yes. Wow, yeah, interesting, right, But.
I don't think it was on purpose his first way. I mean, oh no, no, he would have started.
Yeah, No, for sure he was. He was ready to have a family. Like yesterday, I love that you have a vest on that says weirdo on the front of it. But then you're like judging me for a piece of dog care.
Oh but I wasn't judging you.
You were just fixing it.
Yeah, that's what girls do, right, we fix Seana is always.
Fucking with my hair always like you know, fix it.
It means we care, okay, right, And it doesn't have to just be like your life partner. It's the other woman in your life to care about you.
That's absolutely true.
Like I wouldn't do it just some random person. I mean I would.
Fixate it on the like, be so fixed, like would I really wouldn't.
Have you Wait, have you ever to like a random person been like can I just you have stuff on your or your tag is out on your shirt?
You Oh, I do that all the time. But that's like girl code now and they thank me.
That's girl code. How what do you mean girl code?
Because yeah, if a girl is walking around her tag sticking on the back, Like that's just a move to not tell her.
Right, But what if it's a guy does girl code? Then is the code like, oh, don't touch another possible woman's guy's tag on his shirt. I'm just gonna let him walk around.
And what's the scenario.
Say you were out somewhere and you saw a couple walking. Yeah, no, and the guy had a big tag stick I wouldn't. But but now if they were walking and she had a big tag sticking.
Out, I would Okay, yeah, oh.
Girl code, So there you go. You didn't you don't want to, Well it's it's not great, So.
Well no, I would, but I don't judge. But I would say, like in my head, like wow, she's she's a dick, Like she should tell him that he has a tag hanging out the.
Back, right, So okay. So then you would get upset with her with his girl not upset, just disappointed, disappointment. Internally, you would internalize it.
I wouldn't overthink it.
I just feel like you wouldn't outwardly be like I'm so disappointed in you for like not fixing your guys tag.
If we were all talking, I would say like.
If you were hanging out. Yeah, okay, he has a right, there's a you probably tell him though, Hey there's a tag sticking up out of the back of your shirt.
Yeah, don't really ever have that though. It's not like a sure they do you think?
Oh for sure? Yeah, I've had many a moment where a tag is sticking up out of the back of my shirt. She's snoring. She's the smallest of our dogs, and she like a freight train at night.
I have one of those.
It's the craziest thing. I snore.
I never used to snore, you know what. I Oh my gosh, you won't remember this. Maybe you will. When we were filming BH nine O two and oh.
Wait the reboot, yep, that one? Okay, eh, right, okay, is there another one? No? I was just making sure when you say the name that we were speaking about the reboot.
The reboot, we were talking about partners and kids, and you were saying that it annoyed your ex me. Yes, it annoyed Megan when you chewed because she thought she could hear it. Yes, And I remember thinking at the time, like, how bad could it be? Like she loves him, Like why, like that really bothers her. But now my daughter's like, Mom, I can hear you chewing, and I always think of you. I'm like, God, it's an age thing. Maybe, like I don't know, I know, it just always bothered her.
I I don't remember when the chew, so I think I honestly think that the chewing thing was just like she'd gotten to the point I think where things just weren't great. So I was just it was everything was annoying her, which happens in relationship. Yeah, you kind of get to that point where you're like, God, just the way you're shuffling your feet right now, the way you're putting that toast, and the toaster is just driving me crazy.
It's all that stupid little stuff, you know that. And then that, to me is when you have to make the choice of going, Okay, we either are gonna go into therapy and we're gonna try and find like our connection and figure out what's going on now, or these things are gonna sink us. They're gonna be the death of us, because they just build up and build up and get worse and worse and worse. And you start every little thing, every little thing starts true.
But my sixteen year old. My chewing bothers her so, but.
She's sixteen and and and uh, girls and their moms that relationship can get rocky sometimes, especially like a puberty and all that, because she's trying to kind of find her own voice and all of that.
So she found it.
So she then I, you know, chewing isn't isn't nearly that bad. It could be way worse, honestly for her to be like you chew like a like a maniac, you know.
No, she's just like ugh, She's like, mom, I can hear it, like it's just and then and then.
She started you, no, no.
Never, I've never.
And it's gotten to the point because you know, me, like I want everyone to be happy and I'm remembering, so it's gotten to the point than when I'm eating and it's just her and I I'm like, I turn away and I'm like.
Are you a people pleaser with your kids? Too? Oh? Boy? No, I mean that's a that's an interesting question because it's like, I usually people that have issues like that then when they have their own kids, they they swing the complete opposite direction and they're like, I'm the boss of you. So it's like they don't have those same issues with their kids, So you have the same issues with your Kyeah? Interesting have you always? No? I love that this is
your podcast and I'm I'm interviewing you. I don't know why. I don't know why I do this, So I it's funny, like in therapy, as I started really getting into communicating with people, I when I'm sitting and talking to people, I start getting into these like serious questions and digging, and then I feel bad and I'm like, oh my god,
have I asked too much? Because you're interested? That's thing. Yes, And it's all the questions that I didn't ask before, Like there's a lot about you that I know, and then there's a lot about you that I don't, because it's it's whether you ask the questions to give you that information or not.
Right.
I just saw a great quote.
It was like, you you know someone, but then there's someone like on the inside that you.
Don't know, and you have to ask those questions to find out to find out.
So people, please my kids, I it got worse over the years.
Yeah, did it?
Yeah?
And why and why do you think it got well?
When they're young? I don't like my seven year old. He's like, I call him my boss and he's.
Like, don't say that, like it really.
Offends him, Like, well, kind of tell me what to do. And then I but I'm talking about it out loud. I'm like, I don't even know why I told him.
The other day.
I'm like, I don't think you want a mom, and he's like, I want a mom. I'm like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry.
I was like, I don't mean a mom like you like you parent us. You don't want a parent apparent and he's like I do. I want you to be a parent. I'm like okay, but then you have to listen to me and we're not equals. And then I'm like shut up, like yeah, wait, I wanted to go back to something. Oh snort, your dog snores.
Yes, your brain remembered the snoring conversation, and you okay, yes, my dog snores. I snore. What do you do? I do? So? I wear those breathe righte strips, and I have to sleep. I can't sleep on my back because then I really so I have to sleep on my side, but I have to sleep on my side facing away from sure and she'll like tap on me, and she'll go, hey, can you just kind of over to your side.
That's very kind that she handles.
It's very kind. But I mean I've got like I'm doing all the stuff that I can. The next thing that I want to do is I think I'm going to go in because I have a deviated septum. I broke my nose when I was young, So I think I want to go in and get have that corrected because I can barely breathe.
How did you break your nose?
I don't remember that skateboarding? Oh so you see the crooked spot on my nose. I did that not by hitting my nose.
I mean, there's really not I.
Hit my forehead that hard on the ground. What that it broke my nose? And my parents that generation my parents were like, you know, oh, you're okay, Like you should just take a nap, like literally all this stuff you shouldn't do. I took a nap, but yeah, yeah, totally, yeah, just just you know, just rest for a few hours. You'll be fine. And meanwhile, I had this like softball
sized knot on my forehead. I was young, I was doing knots landing and uh eight yeah, like ten and a half eleven, And the producers actually said to my parents, like, he has to stop skateboarding, and they were like, we can't make him stop skateboarding, Like there's no he skateboards every single day. And so then the producers had to settle on like Okay, well could you just have him like try and keep the tricks down to a minimum.
And because I was insane, like I built ramps and I was a total like X Game kind of guy. I grew up in the valley, I grew up in North Hollywood, So that's what we did. You I do. I still skate I did. I did a lot of skating though when I was recovering from the neurological stuff, because for me, it was just like a coordination and a balance thing, like it was a lot of that went away, so I had to and it used to drive me insane, like working out with my trainer and
like I had zero balance. I couldn't stand on one foot and do things. And it was like I've always I did circus of the stars, like I used to do flips and I have I've on trampolines and into pools and like I've always been great at all of that stuff. You're giggling because of my Circus of the Stars.
No, I didn't remember till you said it, and then I can picture you on it now.
Yeah, it made me. I had the ridiculous sparkly one. It was like orange and pink and purple. I think it was with Heather Langing Camp and like some of it was camp. Yeah. Yeah, that was Nightmare on Elm Street.
Oh the best. Wait, which side do you sleep on? Which side of the bed?
Like do you I sleep on I'm looking at my toes. I sleep on the right hand side, which I heard someone was just saying to me that, like that the right hand side of the bed is the masculine side and the left hand side is the feminine side. And I was like, oh, that's interesting because I sleep on the.
Right forever, like with every partner.
Yeah, I think so, Like I think I think there have been times where it's like, hey, let's switch it up a little bit, But I think I've always gravitated towards and ended up on the right side of the bed.
I sleep on the left always. Whoa, whoa wait, we just I just.
Like remembered this combo we had this conversation. And this is going back to Megan again. Sorry, you said she wants you to be closest to the door, so if someone comes in to kill you guys, you'll go for.
Me on the left hand Is that correct? The left hand side the bed makes perfect sense? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, uh I whish I I get it. I mean fair, fair point, Like, you know, put me by the closest to the door, so in case somebody breaks in, I'm there to take the axe hit first. So I understand the argument for sure.
That's funny. Yeah. So I snore Now I never used to.
So you just started or you never used to because nobody told you that you snored, but you've actually snored for a long time and you didn't know it.
Yeah, I'm gonna take that back now.
I didn't used to.
And then Dean at some point was like, you're snoring a lot.
Did he say like, maybe you just started snorying, or did he say like you've been driving me insane. So I'm finally going to point out that you've been snowing our entire relationship.
I mean he was like, you're chewing really loud, and I can hear you snort.
No, no, I was gonna say so, So, do you think any of the stuff, any of the chewing stuff, came from that relationship and like that it was viewed by any of the kids or no, the chewing Yeah, like you know, do you think like he maybe said an example of things.
You'd o that bothered him?
Yeah?
No, huh okay, well, I mean what bothered him was like dog shit and like.
Anytime that'd probably bother anyone, dog shit in the house.
Why are you saying it like it doesn't happen if you have animals?
Sure, it's just yeah, okay, what kind of what? Wait, let's talk about all the different kinds of animal ship that are that are that have been found in your house? Because I know you have chickens not anymore, not anymore, goats not anymore, not anymore. So you just have dogs. It's gonna take.
That's going to listen to this, my landlord. I only have one dog, got it?
Okay?
No, no, no, we just bleep it out.
Dogs, cats, one ferret.
Oh I had a ferret at one point. Ferrets are really fun but they're stink They're great, like they're fair super funny and they're like they have like cat mouths and cat teeth and like they Oh my god, there's so much fun. I got mine in Arizona and then drove it to Los Angeles. They sell them in all like the pet cos and the pet Sparts and all that stuff. In Arizona.
I was filming in Atlanta and I had the kids and mom gilt. My daughter's like Stella's like Petco has ferrets, and I was like, okay. I worked late one night, I was like, okay, fine, let's go and I took her came home with two because they can't be alone, allegedly, and then I said, whoa wait, how are we getting them home?
And she's like, oh no, no, no, I checked.
I can sign them up for service animals on Delta.
Nope, service animals. They're ferrets. It's like having a bird as a service animal, Like what service is that doing for you? I don't.
That's what I mean an emotion support animals and support and you can't. So bottom line, we had to fly home. I had to find somebody to house them, and then found a company that drove.
Them across them So much did that cost you? You bought these like fifteen dollars ferrets and it costs you like fifteen hundred dollars. It was three thousand dollars. Correct? Wow?
Yeah, damn sorry, I know, I know.
Isn't it crazy when you look back on life and you think of, like all the money that you wasted on just really stupid shit stupid? Yeah, like you you have ferrets driven for three thousand dollars from where where were you working? In Atlanta? Atlanta to Los Angeles? Correct? What was the option? I but you bought them for The option is wait till you go. If you really want ferrets, let's go to Arizona because we can drive to Arizona and then we can drive back with them.
But she, I've filmed there for a month, was really attached to those two is?
So that's your people pleasing right there. Yeah, you're like, oh, I worked really late, so oh you want ferrets for sure?
Let's get fair right in the tiers start, Oh my god, Rocky and Coda aren't coming home right. Don't worry, babies, We're coming home from.
Crowd in love with ferrets that were in Petco. You got do because she didn't fall in love with them. There's not that fast. Why did you have goats? In because I because you had goats. I was like, oh my god, those goats are so cute. And so I ended up going to the same place you did because you I got the information I saw. I didn't get the information from you because we weren't talking at that point, but I saw you had talked about in some article where you got the goats from.
Oh, I know what it was. It was the reality show we had, Yes, and Megan used to watch it. Because this is funny, we weren't talking, so I couldn't tell you. But when Liam who's seventeen.
On Instagram account, he did. But when he was four, yeah, no, we we we were both watching.
And now she gave an interview and said that she watched it and she like, I love snakes. They tick on my hair and my wiena, they love me and she.
Like sighted like fucking loved it.
And so I would make him say like, Megan Fox is my girlfriend, like all the time in his little like voice.
Yes, yeah, I never told Yeah, we used to watch the show. So then I saw that and it looked great that you had goats. So I went to the same place, which was like a two and a half.
Hour dropco Yeahco, California.
Yep, went there. I ended up with two goats.
Silky chickens as well.
I had silky chicken from them, No, not from them from the Malibu Feedborn Yes, yeah, a topanga and p I also came.
Back with the Great Pyrenees from Amber Waves Norco, California.
Yeah, okay, you know the only Amber Waves.
Three things you could get Great Pyrenees, silkie chickens, and goats.
Crazy.
Our original goat Dean named Donna Martin.
And that wait, why why did he name it Donna Martin? There now I'm like paranoid. No, don't care.
It was a pig.
It's a call because okay, so there is some story behind it.
No, he just liked saying my character's name. Okay, you're like wait, wait, wait, no, that doesn't got even worse.
Let's just stop. Let's just stop the conversation there. We'll just we'll just leave it at like that's why.
Yeah, so no, here's the reason. He said.
When he was in his early twenties and he was playing hockey, he would always have to leave early on Wednesday night, and his teammates would make fun of him, like, oh, you're going to watch your girlfriend and he would go home and watch you guys N two and zero and he had a crush on Donna Martin.
That's so interesting. And did you know that when you met him?
You told me, yeah, really, not like the first night or anything, because that would have creeped me out.
But would it have Nope, it wouldn't have. So then why did you say that would.
Have creeped you up? I don't know, and they felt like I should huh.
Interesting, Yes, So the ghosts name was Donna Martin, and then we would tell friends. They just were like.
Right, why did you name your goat after your.
Yeah self intuligent, Like, oh my god, little bit.
Because it was it was all of yours, your the combined family's goat. It wasn't just his. It could be like I named it. It's like, why is your goat named after your character from the show? Yeah?
So yeah, so then the goat we changed to Tot's goat?
After how many years?
No?
Like right away?
Oh okay, So how long then did it live with the name Donna Martin?
Maybe like a week?
Oh okay, two two weeks? Yeah, okay, that's a normal period. I thought you were talking about, like after a.
Year maybe maybe. Yeah, no, is.
That's that's goat abuse. Uh, it just got awkward, abused, It got awkward, kind of like why we didn't talk because it got awkward. You were like, well, you know, he's had the name Donna Martin. She's had the name Donna Martin for so long. Like I don't now I feel guilty because she knows that name. She comes to the name Donna Martin.
Yeah, no, that wasn't the reason. It's because.
Donna I turned around and came and started the goat and it was a problem. That's the real reason I respond to Donna.
I always will.
So do you know you both would come walking. I don't respond to David normally.
That was a good call.
What the yeah, I don't usually respond to David. How can you not? So? I don't get David that much, honestly, Like I it's I thinkfully. At first when the show was done, of course I got it all the time, so I responded to it. But then just from doing other things, you know, people start just calling me by my name, which is.
Nice, that is nice. That's actually not what I meant. I meant, like, if someone's just not talking to you or your character says the name David in public, like I respond to three names, Torrin.
Like, if they had a friend named David, you would look what.
I was now, I would not really if someone says Donna in public and they're not talking.
To me, yes.
That I turn around when someone says mom too in a target and it's not my kid.
But mom, though, you have that, you have that iniation and I've done that before. I've had that initial moment of like, wait, was that my child's voice saying dad? So I'll like respond to that, but never to David. Never like David, yes, never.
When you put it that way, it's like shaming. I'm just like, well, it's kind of just like I hear it and I'm like and then I'm like, not me, not me.
It's not shame. But I mean you named your goat Donna Martin and then to Donna. We'll leave it at that. HM.
It was Hattie's birthday and we went to David Busters and we.
We like went to check in with the party host and I literally walked up and I go, Hi, I'm Hattie Torri's mom, and I was like and I was like, something's not right there. But it didn't click instantly, and he just turned like he recognized me, like bright red, and I was like, that just happened.
Wait, why did that happen? Why do you think that happened? That's such interesting, Like that's that's an interesting like rewire in your brain.
Because my brain thinks backwards. Okay, yeah, okay a lot. It's like a fight to like correct it.
Huh.
It means I'm super smart, does it?
Well?
I mean, uh no, I don't know about that, but I have to. Yeah, I don't know what you think. It was like some weird like slip like, oh.
I don't know. I just it's because I know you tend to, like in public, whenever you're dealing with someone, you get self conscious. You talked about that before I did get so I wonder then if for you walking up to the counter, it's that like like minimizing yourself kind of mousing yourself down a little bit and and then like your brain kind of rewires things. I hate that.
You know me so well.
It was one thousand percent that and I didn't even get it to you just said it. That's exactly it. Because I was the adult I had to take charge. I don't like to ask for what I mean.
Yeah, So I walked up and I've gottie I'm doing as well. We have an appointment to come here and do.
The weird part is I've really taken a heart tory two point zero and all you know, I've been really trying to like step up and use my voice and it just got deeper as I'm saying this, and I've been really great and then in that moment I did. I walked over to him and my voice got really high. I like was like fidgety. I put out my hand like the little kid.
Like hi, hick boom Hi. It's interesting because that's not so that is not something that you're dealing with. That is like just you. So I used to do that, like when I'd go to Coffee Bean or Starbucks. I didn't want to look the the barista behind the counter. I didn't want to look them in the eyes when I made my order because I felt like they were
judging me or like something was silly. And so I had to then make a conscious effort when I was really working on myself of like looking at someone and talking to them and not worrying about being judged by them and What's funny is you quickly realize, like, oh, you're I'm not being judged by them. They have all their own chit going on, and they have all their own stuff. They're looking at me. The guy David Busters was probably going, oh my god, Tory Spelling is walking
up to me. And I'm behind the desk at a David Busters and this is so embarrassing because, like you know, it's so they've got their own stuff going on, Like, oh my god, she's gonna be judging me for this for sure. How can she not? You know, how can he not? When I'm behind the counter at you know, coffee bean taking his order like it's everybody does that?
True? He turned bright red, though.
I wonder why, Like I wonder why you turned bright red because you made the mistake or because he would have turned bright red anyway.
Huh?
Interesting? Right? Yeah, it's interesting when you start asking questions and you start kind of breaking down situations a little bit and you go, wait a second, why because it's easy to assume that he turned red and everything happens because of something you have done. Yeah, it's easy to make all the things about you. It's at the point though, when you stop doing that, and you go, Okay, everybody's got just as much stuff going on as I do, Like I need to stop taking things personally right.
Oh that's just triggered me because my daughter, my sixteen year old, tells me like I'll hear you know, the kids internally talk, and as a parent, you're like checking because they're like starting to argue and one saying making the other one feel bad. So it's always like I'm a mom, like I'm listening and when I say I was like, wait, what did you just say? And she's like, it's not about you. You make everything about you. I was like, well, I just corrected you. Guys, I saw
you whispered to one of them, roll your eyes. She's like, I'm talking about something else. Why do you think everything's about you? And that was super shaming to me because I was like, I don't I've built this life thinking nothing's about me. Oh my god, I don't be I'm not that person. But she pushes my buttons. It's like, how would you answer that?
When she's like, so, I get that sometimes with my kids also, I think the thing I so I always try and continue the conversation with them. I try not make everything about me and kind of give them their own space to do their own stuff. But then when something seems an eye roll or something seems like it's directed towards me, and then they say, oh, it's not about you, then I'll get into a conversation of why
I thought it was about me. We were just talking, you looked at me, you rolled your eyes, so it wasn't about me at all? Okay, fine, because then it kind of yeah, I think that, you know, I try and keep those lines of communication open as much as possible.
But she keeps going and she'll be like, no, it's not just this, like you think three things about you? You think we're always talking about you? And I was like, yeah, I wish she would rephrase it, because it's.
Like, do you do you feel though, like sometimes your insecurities and self doubt you play in front and with them as well as with other people because they're around you all the time, so they I'm sure they get the brunt of that of you worrying that everybody's talking about you or what they think or what it is your you know, what is you're doing or what you said.
Or no, honestly, I'm just trying to mitigate like the situation within the siblings, like I just want to They talk about me all the time. Honestly, I'm good with that. Like I'll hear something and I'm like, oh, that doesn't feel good, but I let it go. I've been I'm really good at that. It's only if I think that they're being unfair to another sibling that I said, I'm listening right for sure, that's all right, and so but she knows it pushes my button. So she's like you,
oh yeah, you always think got it. Yeah, she's the one how old does she know?
Sixteen?
And she's is she driving? She's going to be Yeah, she's taking drivers out.
Yeah.
She's also the most helpful though, but it's we she's just like me, except she uses her voice.
She's really headstrong, she's really she's just really confident.
She's like she's even when even when she's not confident, she's confident about not being confident. Yes, yeah, oh my gosh.
But she's like me in so many ways.
And then I'm like, wow, I see, like I'm I wish I could have been that sixty year old. That's the part that I'm glad. Yeah, always has to have the last word, Like, so I just have to, like the conversations will get going and we'll talk about stuff, and she's good about that, and she's super smart and really like in touch with her feelings and everything.
But yeah, I can't have the last world.
It's so interesting, isn't it interesting when you're a parent and your kids get older and you see things that you do like really become a part of their being and their character, and you realize like, Okay, that wouldn't have existed if I hadn't put that there. That's my doing. Like you know, kids are to me, they're people. They're born exactly who they are, and they're consistently that. But then they are the little things in securities that you
kind of work into their lives, questions about things. And then when you see those like really come to fruition when they're older, you you can't help but take responsibility and go, God, I really fucked up, like doing that one, because I wish that you know that the kids didn't have that thing.
But it's like impossible to not fuck your kids type.
Oh, it's incasible. It's impossible.
There's always going to be something that yeah.
It's I kind of feel like the task is to fuck them up as little as possible. Yes, it's not, you know, I can't. I'm I have a lifetime so far of stuff, so it's impossible for that not to be a part of who I am. And in parenting, I mean, I've been fixing stuff as i've as I'm going. But like, Asius is twenty two, right, so when he was young, I was a twenty nine thirty year old just knucklehead, like I had no idea what I was doing, you know, twenty nine. I was twenty nine, twenty nine.
Yeah, it's just wild to think about.
He's twenty two, no, and I'm fifty one.
Wow, you have twenty two to two to two twenty years like no their bookend.
Literally what's crazy is the age difference between Cassius and Noah is ten years, and then the age difference between Noah and Zane is ten years. Wow. Yeah, trifecta. Yeah. Interesting, and then all of the kids thankfully, because my fifty year old, fifty one year old brain would like just have an aneurysm at trying to figure out when people go, oh, what ages are your kids? Like I you know it screws me up. But luckily all my kids are either all even in one year or all odd in one year.
So this year they turned twenty two, eight, ten, twelve, and two. Next year there'll be twenty three, three, nine, eleven and thirteen. So it's like either they're all either odd one year or they're all even one year. So it makes it easier for me to remember.
Which is insane, because that's actually harder for some brains the way, for my brain, the way you just said it, I was like, what.
Wait, but if next year they're all going to turn an odd number, it'd be easier than to think, I think, to be like, oh yeah, they're all huh going to be two and ten, twelve and twenty two? No, no, okay, all right, let's just agree to disagree.
Oh we're doing so well.
We can't both connect on everything, you know.
Yeah, that's true,