Misspelling with Tory spelling an iHeartRadio podcast.
It's May, you guys, it's a huge month for me. Well it was a huge month. It's still a huge month. So anyway, let me jump right in. I would always tell Dean that he didn't plan on this, but when we got together and decided to get married May seventh, we eloped, planned a whole wedding by ourselves on a private highland in Fiji. Oh it was so good. You know. We didn't think long term. We were just like in the moment. So then all of a sudden we got pregnant.
You know. I had a baby a year later ish, so Mother's Day became a thing, and then my birthday. So I would always be like, hey, buddy, sorry, you're screwed. You got three Tory days to deal with, essentially in May, and then there's May Day and synco to my own things like that. But so anyway, this never really was something I thought about, because it's just, you know, wheels in motion, you go along. We were married eighteen years until no joke. Two days ago one of my best friends,
Bill Gunkle. Bill said to me, oh, he's an organizer. He likes a good cleanup of his calendar. He said, oh, I just realized I'm able to remove May seventh, your wedding anniversary from my calendar, and that that kind of hit me and I was like, oh, wow, yeah, I mean, obviously I felled for divorce. Obviously we're getting a divorce, but I hadn't thought about that, and I was like, wow, that maya like May seventh is just going to be another day from now on. And that made me kind
of think about a lot of things. And I was that girl that took a lot of pride in anniversaries like our wedding anniversary was you know me, I'm if you don't know me, welcome to me. I'm a di wire. I'm a crafter to the core. All my kids came out of you to row crafting because I made them. And yeah, so I would always make something for Dean on our wedding anniversary because you know, I mean, obviously, you know, anyone can buy someone something allegedly, but if
you can, that's very nice. But I feel like I always say homemade equals love and it you know, whether that's in the past, the present, or the future. I still maintain that and I'm more of a traditional girl. Yeah, I know, shot right, with a lot of modern values.
So I'm kind of like fifty to fifty no pun intended, like I'm half fifty's housewife and half like futuristic like barbaralla, and I would always go to there's a traditional list so you can like google this traditional wedding anniversary presence and then a modern one, which I don't know when that all separated, Like when did someone say, hey, we're going to throw in like a new wedding anniversary. This is the modern one, Like what's wrong with the traditional one?
Like well, if a name broke, well I fix it. But anyway, it gave me options, So that was always good because some years I was like, ooh, I can craft something with that, and some years I was like, not so great on the traditional, let me check the modern. But every year I would make him something and super proud, and I'm talking like one year it was leather, so I made him like a leather cuff and had it stamped in like our anniversary ran the back and just
like a really cool thing. One year. I know this because I just found it in storage recently, you know my storage woes. That's a good one and so storage wars my storage woes. Rthan add that to the list for something to make in the future. Cool. I found a bench that I made him and no joke. I well, my friend Chris came over and helped me. I have to give a credit where credit is due. But I
went to the lumberyard. And I don't know why I had to say it like that, because woman can go to the lumberyard too and be like, I'm at the lumberyard. But I went to the lumberyard and got really cool pieces of wood. Sorry, and made the bench. Took a stencil and wrote on it, I want to grow old with you or something. Look, I'm conveniently like blocking it out because it hurts, but it doesn't hurt. I done inside, but it fine. I have feelings. Anyone jump out?
How big was the bench? Like? Could one person sit on it or multiple?
Or it was supposed to be a bench for two. And the inspiration behind it was, you know, you see those cute old couple sitting on a bench and oh my god, I'm tearing up. I do have feelings. Look at that chickxus. The intention was that all these beautiful babies we had created together they would go on to have families of their own. And I am always and will remain always excited to grow our family because you know what, at the end of the day, he and
I and our kids were a family unit. He's the father. You know, whether we're married and together or not, you know, we're all in this together. And excited to be a grandmother and a great grandmother and yeah, and watching our family grow and grow and grow. I mean, we got five kids, so I better have a lot of fun.
A big bench.
No, the benching for them. M the bench isn't for them. The bench was for he and I to sit on it together. Like those photos you see of like old couples still holding hands. We used to send pictures to each other with like old couples you would see and like still holding hands, and it's like wow, And we did. We always held hands. That was like a thing, except except in like the last year or two. I guess, I guess. Yeah, that was one of the one of
the signs there were fifty million. But yeah, like you would see those couples in their eighties, like still walking down the street holding hands. I mean they just otherwise would fall down. They had to support each other. They couldn't walk straight without each other. But nonetheless, I bought into the love story and I was like, oh my gosh, that's so cute. Like we'd see, you know, pictures of couples like at the beach and just like doing things and just still, you know, in it.
So you made the bench? Was that like with hammer and nails or was it glued together.
Or I screwed it in? I had nails. It was stable as fuck, like that impressive. We'll till it wasn't it broke?
What other things did you make besides the match for your anniversaries?
Oh my god, I made there's a specific name for it, when you make a tray that you put your like jewelry or men put their their watch. I made him a Valet tray. And I got a tray and I went round this took a while, and found pennies from the year he was born nineteen sixty six, the year I was born nineteen seventy three, and the year we were married two thousand and six. And I got those pennies and I glued them and mod podge the shit out of that. Oh god, I'm a good mod podger.
I had to get back into that. That was my strong suit. And I made this tray that was just very functional, like it was all blacked and shit. He appreciated all the gifts I made him, but yeah, that was a good one. Leather cuff. If you tell me one of the traditional ones, I can tell you what I made.
Him, paper metal, gold, silver.
No, I'm blanket, I've got nothing.
Oh m.
The brass cockering was really good that year. That's really I hammered it. Oh my god, I'm so talented. Welded it well. Wow, going back to the bench, it says grow old with me dot dot dot. Yeah. On the legs were our wedding date, and then on the other leg was are the current date. And we put it in each house. We moved a lot, a lot because I was always chasing the dream. Like you know, it wasn't us, it wasn't the relationship. It was the house. Oh that reminds me of a horror film. It's not
the house, it's your son. Ooh, insidious one. Fuck yeah, I nailed it, still got it, thank you. So that resonated like every horror film. It wasn't the house, it was never the house. So I kept moving and kept moving, and let's start where it all began. When we got married. We were filming my series So Notorious, and Diana and I got together while we were filming that, and anyway, the set designer helped me create this amazing like iron stand with a cute plaque that said McDermott Baby Farm
established two thousand and six. The day we got married, I was a farm. I was like, pull pushing them out. Mine's the push, ripping that zipper open, taking them out. So we put that and moved that so many times until I mean it was weathered and cracked and just the demise of that. Yeah. But the bench, the bench survived till it fell to pieces. It got rained on. I didn't think of that that the rain would wear
on it. It rusted, it broke, you guys. That's I guess what the heart of it is is that it broke. And when it broke, I put too much emotional symbolism and placement on. As Dean has told me in adamant objects. At some point it just was getting wobbly, it was getting shaky, and I was like the bench and we'd moved in. He's like, oh, the bench is a little wobbly. I was like, oh, we got to fix it. We got to fix it, and we never fixed it, so
eventually it broke. Oh I kept it though, I kept the wood pieces, of course I did, saying I'm going to put it back together, and then sat in the garage in pieces for a few years, like my marriage basically, and then I found in storage.
So and what did you do with it?
Uh? Duh? I took a picture of it to show to you, guys. I don't know.
No, I mean, did you do you still have it? Did you throw the pieces away? Is it sitting in that last storage lockery still at.
I have no storagelockers, so I'm done that you've.
Had one left?
Nope?
Congratulations, thank you?
Oh my god, my heart just sink. I'm panic now. I don't know where it is. I feel like you, guys, I need to burn it. No, no, don't burn it. Can you not do that?
I don't know. I think the metaphor is better now without burning it.
Oh, it's metatorical.
Here's what I think you should do if you can find it, is take a little piece of that wood and put it in like a box picture frame, and just as a keepsake, you know, a piece a piece of the bench.
I don't think you need to burn it. You know, you guys are on good terms.
No, no, no, I didn't mean, uh, I don't know why I'm gonna cry. I didn't mean burn it like bad for him. I mean burning it as a symbolism of letting go right past and moving on at the future is not what you do.
I think you can totally do that.
What matters is if the symbolism means something to you, right, It's like, if that to you means moving on, letting it go, then it will would probably be a good thing for.
You to do. Well, I'm not going to grow old with him.
So well you you know what you kind of are just not as a married couple. You know, you're still you're still tied by five amazing children. So it's just a different kind of growing up.
I don't like regular ties. Can we double not it?
You will find somebody, Oh my god, you.
Guys every week this is not going to be about me, like, oh no, poor me, I'm alone and single. Oh, or it can be. I mean, I don't know. Can we go back to it for a second, Yeah, can we look up what would have been? Just tell me what it would have been. I'll tell you what I'd make.
Hit year would this have been?
This would be eighteen? Correct, eighteen. I always say we were married eighteen years, but technically I'm not divorced yet, so it's not final. So true, I wasn't lying. Parcelain porcelain. Oh good teeth. Here you go, buddy, I'm gonna make a necklace out of them. How woud his girlfriend feel about that? If you ever loved me, you won't wear my porcelain teeth around your neck? Five of them for the five beautiful kids we made. How can you say no to that? Sorry, Lily, you know I love you. Okay,
we had a vow renewal at four years in. I mean, granted it was we did it on our reality show Torri and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. But that's crazy now. I call it the bowel removal. By the way, unpacking. Speaking of unpacking from storage, my daughter Stella brings in a box. This just happened yesterday and she goes, of course, she's sassy, God, she's so clever, and she goes, I unpacked this box, and I was like, oh, this is not coming into the house. So she led with that,
which crushed my soul. I was like, that's an antique. What do you mean. I got that at a flea market. That's very chic. And anyway, I digress, and she goes and then I opened it. You guys, the thing she found in this box, I can't make this shit up. First of all, oh my god, it was like a paperback flip through book of nine oh two one oh, like a small one from the nineties.
Uh.
It was an intact fully wrapped bubblegum pack of our cards and bubblegum, which she asked if they could like do some like challenge and eat it, and I was like nope. And I was like, I have to get new teeth. I don't want you guys to as well. That's that's gonna be hard. Two of them. Wonder how much I could sell those for.
That's definitely a collector's I.
Know, like a polaroid photo from a photo shoot. Nino two and o still intact a bag of teeth.
No, we have made a bag of teeth, real teeth, a bag of teeth.
So it's like, oh sentimental Nino two and o oh, look at that picture. Oh my god, you look so great anyhow, and then the bag of teeth and she was like, mom, what are these? And I was like, oh, those are my wisdom teeth and she goes, that's disgusting. Can I throw these away? I was like absolutely not. And she goes, what are you gonna do with them? When'd you get your wisdom teeth out? And I was like, uh sixteen. She goes, that's disgusting. Yeah, root and all
all four perfectly intact. Might I add, oh, correction, those I will send to Dean because mine are all shaved to nubs because I'm getting finnars owed to my creepy past. Okay, I'm gonna go on. This is my twenties from my first TV movie I did in Canada. This is when like they had smoke shops, but like La, it wasn't a thing. And I got like the coolest Oh my god, it's a cube and it's metal and it's like a
one hit. Back then we'd say pot. Now it's like weed and it was a cube and I was like, Aha, I'm gonna come back to LA and invent this because no one has it in the States. Another thing I put on my checklist of inventions. But she was like mom, and I was like, whoa, it was the nineties, Like yeah, mom had like a little bit of a stoner phase, Like sorry, there was that, and what else. There was a couple more creepy things that I was just like, yeah, oh, I know what. It was a G string. It was clean.
I did a smell test. It was clean. You guys. I went, it's a little musty. It's been there for years. But I was like, oh my god, this is back when it was super cool, Like this is so old school but vs. Victoria's Secret PS. When I was young, Victoria's Secret was super popular and then for decades it was like like you couldn't wear it. It was like not cool, and now it's totally cool with the kids again.
So my initials on brand, but it had a BS on it, and I was like, oh, that's okay you and I saved it, and so I was in there. But anyway, collectively like nine two one zero, like old school bubblegum teeth that had been ripped out, basically a weed pen from the nineties and an old pair of underwear creeped out. My kid, not gonna lie, not surprised, and she wanted to dispose of all this and I was like, nope, nope, we want to take a picture
of this content. I don't know what I'll do with it all, but anyway, anyway, yes, and then there's Mother's Day. This is my first single girl Mother's Day? What does that mean? Like, I don't even know what that means? And Stella, bless her heart, she was like, Mom, what do you want to do for Mother's And I was like, whatever you guys want. She's like, no, Mom, seriously, every year you always say whatever we want, Like what do you want? Take everybody out of the picture? What do
you like to do for fun? And I had no answer, you guys? And that was that was startling because I couldn't remember what I used to like to do for me. I couldn't even think of it. I was like and I kept saying, we wi we like sushi, and she's like, Mom, you she was like, do you want to go get a massage? And I was like no, no, no, no, it's about you guys. She's like, no, Mom, it's not like you do this every year like you plan and it's
about everybody else, Like what do you want? And I couldn't remember what I like to do because it's been so long that I've thought about doing something for me. Ruth Anne, you knew me before I was married and had kids. Do you remember what I used to like to do?
You really did get a lot of joy out of all of your DIY things that you made and cooking. I can remember you having. Did you say cooking fun baking and cooking?
Did you say hooking?
No, I say cooking.
Oh my god, you guys, I think I've gone deaf. I've had kids screaming in my ear for a long time.
Yeah, I remember you having a really good time hooking some boulevard about three o'clock in the morning. Those were good times.
What do you mean, no, no cooking? I used to hook rugs.
Oh sorry, I'm not as crafty as you are. No.
Jen taught me that, Like I can do a lot of DIY. Jenny taught me. We would sit in her house and she taught me how to hook a rug. We went to she took me to Michael's for the first time. But yeah, I remember I was so big and dicopoge mm hm. Would you loved it?
And it was nice because it was stuff you did with your kids.
So stop bringing them into this.
Why they's supposed to be sort of for both of you. It's the kids celebrating their mom.
No, okay, interesting, there's two schools of thought. There's some moms that literally are like, you know what, I'm in this twenty four to seven every day. It's always about you, guys. So this is my one day and I want the day off. Lorraine, what type of mom? They're both like, it's fair, both types of moms like do you want to do what the kids want to do and spend the day with them, or do you want, like, I'd love to have some peace and quiet and do something for me.
I want to be this spaw mom, but I I'll never be this spaw mom because of my guilt that I have no idea why I have. But yes, every day for them, even when it's Mother's Day.
Unfortunately fair and my sentiment is exactly I want to be that spa mom, which you guys, you know what. The spot doesn't work for me. I just everyone's like, go get a massage. Speaking of guilt, I can't get a massage because I'm so worried the entire time like, oh, they're working on me, they're doing something for me. What about them? So I engage and ask about their lives and then you guys know, like, it's not even about me.
I'm just this human like energy wise. People end up just like about that sounded dirty about their lives, and I embrace it and I end up giving them advice and being like, oh my gosh. And then what happened? And I've had one missus say oh my god, I've been doing this for so long, and she as she's crying, and she goes, that's a part. She brought up something very emotional that she had repressed, and she said, I'm so sorry. I have to take a moment. I am
embarrassed telling you this. And I promptly sat up and hugged her and said don't oh my god, don't worry. It's safe with me, and like, but I'm that human that I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's so quiet. And then I've had friends be like no, no, no, you can't do that. So when you start a massage, you don't you say thank you. You're gracious, and you're like, Okay, I've had a hard week. I'm just going to be quiet, and I'm like, okay, well I can't say that and
don't engage. You know, you're paying them, you're here, like they're here and they want to do this, and don't engage. So then when I don't engage and don't talk to them, I sit in my head for like an hour being like, oh my god, is she okay? Or and I don't like men touching me during a paid massage, so I yeah,
I'm just like, oh god, I feel so bad. And then I start to like go weird places like oh my god, I feel so bad, like at least it's me, Like imagine like men she has to deal with and they're hairy and gross and like that type of human. Like yeah, I go all kinds of crazy places. But I sit there for an hour, just like tense, and then afterwards like are you relaxed, And I'm like absolutely, but I'm not anyway, Spa da mom.
Anybody gives you a guest certificate for a massage, feel free to pass it my way. I can relax during a massage, really yeah. I not feel the urge to talk or think about the massage therapist.
Okay, wait, have you my friend? And I just had this combo the other day about happy endings. Oh god, oh too much for this podcast. Sorry my bad. No one ever. We were talking about happy endings and it was like, wow, this is a male and I were talking about this, so I was curious, how do men feel about it? And he was saying like not as jam like could never even would not be okay with it. But you know, clearly, you know, there's a lot of my male friends are like, oh, yeah, that's a thing.
And I'm like, oh, that's so weird. And then he posts the question to me, does this ever happen these happy ending places with a woman? Like do they ever give happy endings to a female or is it just males? And I was like, I don't know, I don't know.
Definitely not at Burke Williams.
Burke Williams. Oh you go to fancy places now.
Burke Williams was like, in the nineties.
You pretended to work out at Crunch? Cool, right, yep? No. I remember that I had a boyfriend then and he loved Burke Williams. So we would like go to Crunch and he'd work out and I'd like pretend to.
Do the zoom book class or whatever boot camp, and it would be so embarrassing because they have like glass like glass so like everybody.
Can see correct. And at Crunch in La it's on Sunset Boulevard and they would always I'm not even kidding, it would be like thirty people in there, and they'd have on their headset and they'd be calling to you to encourage you. They'd always call me out and I'd be like, what is happening. They'd be like Toy, and I'd be like, first of all, you know, I hate my name said like toy, but then like I don't know. It was yeah, it was late nineties.
Out to say you've got the steps.
For on or duh, yeah, you know I don't work out. I don't do that shit. And I was probably gossip being and like talking to my friend. I've been that way since like high school anyway, chatty Kathy. But yeah, I'd be like it'd be like Toy. I'm like, uh huh it was like and they'd be like okay, oh Toy, No, I'll be over in a second. I'd be like so shamed.
I literally one time it was this boot camp class and the instructor had called me out three times and I literally waited till she was like helping somebody else in the corner, and I slipped out and slip out a fucking ran I was like. And then from the back she was like, you finally got it right. I was like, bye, But I liked the little holes in the wall, like the little places that are like in a strip.
Mall where you will get a happy ending.
No, I don't want a happy ending, like if I feel guilt with them, just like massaging my arm and leg. Imagine the guilt I would feel if they were like trying to like stroke my lady parts. Do you stroke lady parts? If they were too oh my god, jggle it just a little bit, not a little bit, a lot and you gotta go fast. But whole other story, Yeah, I would never be comfortable. But on rare occasion they would go near your like butt and like almost too
close to the thighs. Have you ever had that happen? And I'm like Rosen, I was like oooh, But then You're like, I don't want to make them feel bad. Perhaps this they're getting knots out of muscles, and so I don't want to freeze up. So I'd be like Relax, relax, They're doing nothing wrong. This is part of the job. Okay, but I was like, whoa kind of close? That's kind of close anyway. I am curious if a female has ever gotten happy ending.
All right, this Mother's Day and then your birthday?
Oh god, okay, so there's Mother's Day. Ella, of course, leader of the pack. She was like, mom, what do you want to do? I had nothing. I couldn't remember what I like, which leads me back to what do I like to do? I must have had hobbies before kids, Like in my twenties, what did I like to do besides shop and drink? What did I like to do? And rescue dogs? What did I like to do?
I was going to say rescue dogs?
I remember you making jewelry. I can think it always goes back to you being like super crafty and having an amazing artistic imagination and plugging into that that made you really happy.
Someone's like, you should get into pickleball. I love to eat pickles. Pickles are a huge We do pickle tastings in my house, like every two weeks, I'm not kidding, a new kind of pickle comes out. We're on it, and all my kids fall a suit. So if anyone wants to send me anything, I would like pickles.
That's a great idea.
I should aim higher and caviar. Okay, anyway, what am I gonna do? Here's what I told her. I said, we used to love but it's still a wee thing. But it's something I wanted to do. We haven't been in a while because our lives have been chaos. I wanted to go down to Little Tokyo and walk around, and that's where I have often gotten a lot of my inspiration. And I love the fashion district. And you know what, I love revolving sushi down there. It's called Cora. It's just so fun. Anyway, so do that.
That sounds like a great thing to do for Mother's Day.
So I love Oh you guys, I love dim sum.
Oh well well there you just come up with some great ideas. Great great mother's day.
This podcast multi purpose. Okay, my birthday quickly, let's talk about my birthday. You guys, you know I love green, and green is the color. I'm a Taurus. I'm Tori. I'm a Taurus. I love sushi. Oh we just see exactly. I don't know what I love I'll find out I'm learning about myself. Who knew me? Anyway? Yeah, so emerald is my birthstone, which is not the reason I like green. I just love green like Green's always been my jam.
Obviously I wear a lot of green. So anyway, So what do you want to do for your birthday this year? Having it be your first birthday as a single woman? Okay, so the last two years, this is a fact, I have been sick on my birthday. I had bronchitis on my forty ninth birthday. Literally stayed in bed. They brought the cake into me. I was like, one eye open, which one works better with my botox? None? Okay? They brought the cake in. I was like so sick. Okay,
got it? Missed my birthday. My fiftieth birthday, ruth An was there. My mother threw a lovely she knows caviars like Big Sam. Sorry when you grew up like I did, like I was born eating caviar silver spoon. Oh, but we got member, we got pearlized spoons. I still have it me too, one of my purses. Remember to take that out before I sell it, the purse, not the spoon. Mom. I would never do that. I love that. But yeah,
so they had one in Paris. They opened up a caviar restaurant bar here and lovely twenty person beautiful table all my besties and you guys. Ironically was this massive, big potato you guys, I'll send you a picture, you guys, topped with the most heaping spoonful of caviar you've ever seen. My other one of my other friends jokes, he was like, oh my god, I don't even eat caviar or potatoes, but when I'm being served a thousand dollars potato, I'm going deep. WHOA. I don't know where I was going
with that one. Do you remember that?
I do?
And Hansen's my mom, Aw, this was so cute. So Hansen's has been like my family since I was born. My mom always every birthday Hanson's cake. She got individualized Hanson's cakes for everybody to take home as the party gets Hey, ruth Anne, what happened to your Hanson's cake?
My Hanson's cake ran into a few things somehow, I'm not quite sure or how it ended up on my glasses.
In my purse.
Well, it ran into a few things, including your fingers and hands. I heard all about this on the ride home. I don't today just make you blush.
I don't think so, just hot.
Hot flash anyway. Yeah, but my point was it was just my big birthday. Wearing green. Of course looked amazing, but I was sick. It was right after we had the mold poisoning and I was so sick. I was on antibiotics. I may I drank through it, but I literally I was so sick during that birthday. So fingers crossed and put it out there my fifty first birthday, I'm going to be well and I'm going to have a bomb ass birthday. What are we doing? Nothing planned?
I know Everyone's like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I'm me, I don't know. I hate surprises. You guys all know that. You know what. That's old me. I don't hate surprises. Surprise me away. Oh god, I don't know, but that's that's me. I'm more focused. And Memorial Day week and I'm like, three day weekend, what do I do for the kids. Oh, it's pool season.
Like, I don't know, We'll come up with something really fun for your birthday.
Kids can be so manipulative, as you know. I always started to see the way that for my kids. I was like, Hey, so maybe my birthday or you know, one night that week, I'm gonna go out with friends and I'll have like a friend night and like go and do adult things and you know, go have drinks and go, you know, like ad night out. And Stella was like, you're not going to spend your birthday with us? And I was like oh oh, And I was like I tried to like justify it as moms do you think?
And You're like, well, it's a school night, so why don't I go out that night and have like my fun night out with my friends? And then I was like, baby, it's all fun with you guys. And then that weekend we'll have a weekend where we're all together. And she's like, okay, if that's what you want, I was like, oh, that's what I want. Like crap, this sucks, Like what are we supposed to do? Like, okay on my birthday? You know, this is my next chapter, Like I'm like doing me. Now,
what am I supposed to do? Like go out with my five kids at six o'clock early bird special Chili's cool. You guys will all be on the swipe the pad like, oh, plant versus zombies, Like, no one will look at me. I'll sit there sipping on my sake soke wishful thinking Chili's ough. Great, I'll have to have the Sharennkes. They don't even have a pinot Grisia. Fuck my life anyway.
I have the perfect solution.
Yes, go to one of those places in those minimals and get yourself a happy ending for your birthday.
Ew no, thank you, No, I don't want that. How do you guys feel? Sorry, I'm my tangent. How do you guys feel about the new terminology body count?
I don't know what that is? Wait, what's that?
I heard this from the teens. Ps. All my teens are super like not into this, Like they're very like Donna Martin's good for them happy. But there's a thing that the teens that aren't virgins say like, oh yeah, my body count. Literally I heard body count. It was like serial killer. I was like, how many bodies have you been? I don't know how many people had you killed? What the hell? And Stella was like, no, mom, you know what that means? Like you're so uncool, like everyone
says it. It's how many people you've slept with, it's your body count, oh dow. Yeah, we used to just keep a list, like on paper.
I don't even want what we did.
I don't know whatever happened to that list, which is a little frightening.
So I was that girl that was like a numbers girl, and I was like, I lose my virginity till I was over eighteen. And it's like getting my earspurs, like I'm not you know, didn't do it till I was eighteen, not going to do it till I'm forty. So I cried, you guys, I bawled my eyes out when I went over one hand, and I'm talking about the number five when I had slept with more than five people. I cried so hard and was like internally beating myself up like I am a whore, Oh my god. And I
wasn't young. It was spread out through the years, like well into my way into my twenties five, and I was like, oh my god, I have had another hand. And I was so sad. Now granted, you know men, you know, it's like another notch for my belt. Wait, what do they say? Now? I'm sure that's not cool anymore. Like whatever, like men can sleep. They want to like up the number like hundreds, you know, and you're like ooh. Like girls, I feel like we are just like oh no,
we want the number low. But I hear that's not the new generation then, you know, because women are empowered. They're like, well you know that's and they're like proud of their body count. I'm like, uh uh, I can't invest in that, Like why was I talking about this anyway? I don't want a happy ending? What else? What else can I do for my birthday? I do you guys?
You know what?
You know what the truth is. I do want a happy ending, and it doesn't involve sex. It doesn't involve anything physical. I want my happy ending. I'm not like, here's the thing about me. I feel like I never am jaded and there's always that like light inside of me. Yeah, Jenny calls me Paulianna. She's like, Okay, this positivity, but it's a fact, like I can find hope in anything and I never get discouraged. And I call it. You know a lot of people, I feel like people put
your fire out. And Dean said something that actually resonated in an article. He said he saw my light dim that final fight we had before we split up and separate it, and I was like, I had to think about that one. I was like, wow, he did. Yeah, it flickered, it dimmed a little, but it's not going out like It's like, I feel like my flame is burning brighter than ever inside, and so yeah, I do deserve that happy ending. I'm getting there and I'm hopeful
and I'm going to make it happen. Light it up, bitch,