Miss DWTS

I tell it like it is. I tell every Sorry, I just got excited. I love telling everybody about my life because I'm like, I had so many years of you know, not being me and having everyone else tell my story that you know. Now I'm just like, hey, this is me. So keeping this secret has been so hard, you guys. I have been signed on to Dancing with the Star season pretty for like three plus months. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't even tell my friends. Try not to tell my kids. I

think they found out I was kidding. But yeah, it's like, iron't glad. It's like secrecy, so you can't tell anyone. But it's like such a big life decision. You know, you want to talk to people about it. You wanna get advice. Maybe you know what. I'm so swayed in the past by other people's opinions. Maybe this is a blessing that I couldn't talk to people about it, because maybe I would have changed my mind. Nah, going for it. Okay,

where do I even start? I so much to share with you, Okay, So I'm gonna go back to the beginning. I was born May sixteenth, nineteen seventy three. I'm just kidding. I'm just going to singing with you, Okay. So I honestly got the call for Dancing with the Stars season won you guys? I remember getting that call because I was I don't I go way back, I believe I. I know I was with Dean and it was new. I hadn't even know I'm mark checklist in my life

by pregnant season babies. I was not pregnant yet, so I had not even gotten pregnant with Liam yet. So Dean and I were we even married. I think we had just gotten married. I'm not sure on timeline there, but I remember getting the call and talking it out. I was in Toronto with Dean visiting his family and I got the call and I panicked. I was like, oh gosh, this bit. And keep in mind, this is before it was an uber success. It was a brand new show and you know, didn't know what it was

gonna be, but it sounded really exciting, really fun. And I'm not gonna lie you guys. I love dance. Dance doesn't love me, h, but I love to dance. I've always loved to dance because I love I often joke about feeling dead inside with someone. There's things that make us feel alive, and dance has always been that thing for me. And let's hear I'm a good dancer some rhythm, but I've always loved to like close my eyes and just move. And you know, I'm a story girl, so

I always love the story. Like in my head head, I'm like, oh my gosh, I always I always liking it too. And this is like not going all the way back. But do you know that movie with Canning Tatum and Jenna do Wan Step Up. We always think of that movie and I'm like, in your head, you know, when you're like a lead girl, as the kids would say,

mean character energy. Yep, that was it. But you know what, I'm way way back when I was twelve, of you guys during the summer with Michaelsette player, I would pop in the tape and I would dance I'm talking to fame yep, showing my age here talking flash dance, dirty dancing. I was always the lead girl in my head, and then I was like, Oh, wouldn't that be nice to be the girl that's just so free and has moves and dance dances and doesn't give up book nope with me.

So anyway, when they called, I was like, oh, that sounds really exciting. And then I said, right there on the call to me Eagan at the time, he said no, I can't. I said no to it, and I'm not gonna lie. I got multiple calls over the last previous thirty two seasons, maybe in fact thirty two calls, and the answer was always no, And I always had a different reason why I couldn't do it, because back then, like why didn't I do it? I was like tip

top of my game. I was younger and I hadn't had babies yet, and I could move and then I was like, okay, you know, I'm sure one of those seasons, I was like, I'm pregnant, just had a baby. And then I had five sea sets, you know, two I had five sea sections. You know, I still feel the need to say to people not by choice, because people think in Hollywood like I looks so easy. You just want to see section. Nobody wants to see section. You guys, let me just tell you I wanted to push them

out because the recovery is brutal. They literally cut through your muscles and you're never the same. I love my babies. I wouldn't change a thing, and I would do anything in everything. But it's kind of like, you know, being the girl in the box on stage during a magic show and they like saw you in half, except they literally like it's no illusion. They literally saw you in half. And then they're like, oh, I'll throw it all together.

Shout out to my obgyn and fabulous guy. I know, doctor J who I've been friends with for years, did all my babies. He did great. But you know, your body chooses to recover how your body chooses to recover. And then in later years was like, my body just doesn't move the same. I had complications with the sea sections. I had a hernia from one of the sea sections afterwards. If you've read my books, you know all the rama there, and yeah, I just like one side of my body,

my right side. I shouldn't be telling you this because now you're gonna look for it on stage, but one side of my body just literally doesn't respond the same. And I'm no doctor scientist. I can't even say I've played one of those on TV that did the list. Yeah, I'm not sure how, but neurologically, when things have been changed, they're open and put back together and nerves and muscles

are cut through sometimes. So my brain is like, okay with my right leg step and I go to step up, and I one don't have balance anymore, Like I'm off balance, and it just doesn't connect. In my head. I'm like, yeah, do this, do that, do that, And then my body's just like so I had that. So, you know, in the last I would say, you know, five years when I said no to Dancing with the Stars, I was like, oh, medically, I just can't no, no it stop. The table can't

even entertain it. And then the beast year of my life happened, and it's been you know, at the last two years. You know, there's been a lot of challenges, and we all go through challenges in life, and look at me. I still feel the need to say like, sorry, I've had challenges. I do read comments. Sorry. People are like, oh, she's always playing the victim. Like I'm no victim. I have never seen myself. It's a victim no matter what. I am a fighter. Things happen and you go through

and I share it with you guys. And if you can take pieces away that you relate to and pieces away you're like not relatable, toss that one out, then I'm happy because I love sharing my life with you guys. But I'm not a victim. Oh my gosh. Like you know, I talked about horror films. Even with my I would say five C sections, medical challenges. I'd be the sole survivor. I am serious. I said this to my daughter the other night. Sorry, I'll go back, I'll circle back to

Dancing with the Stars. You know, I get distracted. But the other night, we all love horror films. So sorry, you guys have passed that along. I'm thinking, sorry, my kid's writing, but they're all creators, like they're all very creative and we all like come up with these like

crazy storylines in our heads. And we were talking about the zombie apocalypse as most do you know, And I was like I always say to my kids, like, because you know, there's situations that happen in life and you're driving or you're you know, things happen you're like, oh, lock the car door, and people are like, you know, my kids are like, what's up? What's going on there? And I'm like, guys, don't worry. I got this. And I do always liken it to a zombie apocalypse. I'm

sorry that's where they got it from. I'm like, guys, I got you, I got you. Want to do three, four o' five, come on in. I was like, if something happens, I'm saving y'all. Stella. And my daughter sixteen said the other night, Mom, I love you, but I don't want to be stuck with you in the zombie apocalypse. And I was like, why I would save us? And she's like, Mom, I don't think so, Like you can barely move, like you don't work out, you don't do anything physical, Like how would you do it? I was

like it's all about the mindset. I was like, because I am a fighter in my brain and somehow I might not be the strongest. We're close to the strongest, not strong at all, but I figure it out and sometimes that can get us further in life. Yeah, needless to say. When they called this season after the past two years and you know, I turned fifty, and everyone's likety, it's your second chapter. Time to write your story. And I was like, oh, this is so cliche. People turn

fifty and everyone's like, oh, it's your time. Yeah, and your second chapter and write that story. And I was like, what's going to happen now? When my life just went I was like, Okay, my life's right in it for me. Nope, let's take back the ring. And so everyone knows what's been going on. And I'm a single mom now of five going through a divorce, very public one. There's been so much said about me, you know, and I comment back about like one percent of it, but see it

all like, you know, is she homeless? You know, get a job? Like financial troubles. Well that's true troubles. But anyway, it's kind of a lot of it's out there, a lot of it's false, but you know there's stuff out there. People know that been through it in the last year. And when I got called this year, I actually and

my teens the whole team, right Dan that team. She knows that I've always said no, And immediately it was like, oh, I'm going to pass right, And I was like, way, hold on, and you know, I'm doing this new thing, but check. And I was like, dancing with the stars literally one of my biggest fears in life. It's so unrelatable. People are like, imagine people across the world, what's your biggest fear in life? Dancing with the stars? Says no one ever except me, because it's something that I always

wanted to do. Big fangirl, Big fangirl, watch it with my kids, watched every season. Oh my gosh, and every season I see it and I was like, good for her, for him, what I wish I was brave enough to do it. I was terrified. I was terrified. And a lot of those years, all those years, thirty two times I said no, some with validity medical stuff, but most of it's just because I was terrified. Fine, because I was terrified and I didn't have any belief in myself.

I would just be like, oh my gosh. All I could think were the negatives, like, uh, I'm just I'm not able to move, I'm not gonna be able to do I'm not gonna be able to take direction. I'm gonna go out there and fail fail fail fail fail, not even like, Okay, let's think us through. This could be a cool experience. I was like, no, no, no, no. You know when you're like, your brain's like Highlert Hyler Hiler,

So it's like fight or flight flight. I always say that I'm fighter, but I I chose flight for thirty two seasons. And it was just because deep down I didn't feel like I was I didn't feel like I could do it. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't love myself enough. I didn't have enough self worth to even contemplate saying yes, and that I didn't deserve it. I didn't serve to be there, I didn't deserve to do well. It was like it was all so much

in my brain. And this year I was like, mm hmmm, I'm really really trying, you guys to have that be the old toy, and you know, I feel like this is my year of taking risks and anything that I fear. I'm like, gut check, is that my fear? And then I'm like maybe not, Maybe that's like carried over. Maybe that's just something I've told myself. So I don't have to do something or even be scared of doing it.

It's just it's a fear, can't do it fear. So this year I got the call and I was terrified, and I said, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. This is my time. Everything has you know, personally burned to the ground. So my beautiful you know, my life has kind of exploded internally and external and I was like, I don't want to keep writing that story. You know, I've been writing that story of like don't disappoint people. You know. Originally I'm I'm the rich girl. I'm you know,

my dad has so much money, my dad's famous. My dad casts me in nine o two one oh true true true. And then I was like, oh, so how do I fit in? I have to push against I have to make myself so small that I can fit in and follow everybody else and just kind of exist. And I did that to my detriment. That doesn't behoove me, or my kids or anyone except the haters. You know.

So this really has been a year of reflection. Yeah, like I have time for that, No, But inside I've just been like, I don't want to write this story anymore. It's okay to be powerful. I have a lot of gratitude to the friends in my life and family that have said to me, we believe in you, like you can be so much and do so much. You're so powerful,

you know, I hear that. I'm like, no, not, no, I'm not, And specifically, I mean, it's been you know, my brother has been so amazing through this, and he knew and a couple of my best friends, my best friend Jess ruth Ian and Yeah and Brian, Austin Green and Shannon and Shan. Shan had the most impact on me, I would say, because you know, we I'm so blessed that I had this past year with her. And I

know I've mentioned that because we just never know. And this past year was really rebuilding finding our friendship again, rebuilding it. And she was so amazing at you know, not focusing on herself and what she was going through, but being there for her friends, and you know, I you know, me. I can close my eyes and see the conversation, and I see that final conversation with her, and I see her face and I see her saying to me, you have to turn your power on. What

are you scared of? And I'm like that I won't be small anymore, that I'll be powerful. She goes, and and then I joke, you know, I joke about everything. I'm like, then everyone's really screwed because here I come. You know, I'm kind of that too thing. But that stayed with me. And yeah, so I'm pushing through my fears. Oh I feel it right now inside still there. I'm a working pagas. So I said yes to something that was one of my biggest fears. I said, not just

yes to Dancing with the Stars. I said yes to me. You know, I hate saying my name. I said yes to Tory. It's okay, got check. I feel okay saying that, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna turn my power on and I am going to believe in me. And so I said yes, and I am and this is this is my why I am. I am honestly doing this show for me and for my kids. But my kids are me, They're the They're

the best part of me, and I'm gonna cry. I want to take this time to do something for me that addresses my fears and pushes me out of my comfort zone and makes me feel And I want to show my kids. I have five beautiful, amazing, resilient kids, and I'm raising two strong daughters, Seln Hattie, and I want to show them that you can be scared, you can be terrified of things in life. Don't let that hold you back because you only hold yourself. And I've

been doing that far too long. I don't want that for them, so I need to go out there and show them that you can do it. I was born into all eyes on me, like cameras might not have been on me constantly, they were like the world was watching, you know. Aaron Spelling's daughter, Aaron Spelling, like my dad.

I was born with my family so famous that you know, it started there all eyes on us, which is technically a camera, a lens on us, and then nine O two one zero literally all eyes on us, cameras right into your living rooms, you know, for ten years, ten amazing years, and then since then, you know, it's been for me a journey of I feel like I call myself the little engine that could well. Look see, I

can move, got mad shoulder moves so enough. But I would always be like Chuck, Chuck, jug, I can do this, and I'd go that mountain and then I'd go back down that mountain and then I'd be like, Okay, that's fine. And I always have hope. That's one thing that no one's ever taken away from me is that light inside of me. I have this light inside, as so many of us do. And I try to tell my kids because this is something that really resonates with me, because

don't let someone ever put out your light. And I love that light dim a little bit, and this is my time to be like, that light's still there, it's burning bright inside of me. Let's make it brighter. Let's go. So yeah, this is my journey, and I hope you'll come along for the ride. I have no idea what's going to happen. I'm terrified. I have done choreography moves in TV shows, TV movies, feature films like I've always

been taught how to do it. I did theater. I had to dance and I'm always like, hey, yeah, you know, they said, do you have any dance experience? And I was like, well in my twenties in the club, like I'd be like, it moves, yeah, that's it. But then every time I had to be taught like, uh, choreographed dance, I sucked. You eyes like I sucked. But there's cameras there that you know, it's okay. You know, we'll rehearse. And then they do a take. You screw it up,

you can't do it, you forget it. You do take two, take three, four, five, six, seventy eight, nine, ten, all the way to twenty one times one time. Okay, when the movie aired, I looked, brilliant, this is live, you guys. There's no take too. Oh you get one take, you get one chance. That's it. So that was always really scary.

And whenever I was taught a dance, they would be like, okay, even when it's simple, you know, count one, two, three, and then they'd always be like on the beat, and it would be like beat, and then I'd be like nope, uh yeah, even even when I'm I don't even go to concerts, but like when I've been at concerts and I'm like trying to fit in and like Curtis is like playing, like yeah, and I go to clap and it's like everyone's clapping and I'm a clap late. I'm like,

oh my gosh, like I'm just my brain. I'm off that way. And then they'd be like, here's this move. It's simple, and so on one, two, three heard step. I couldn't grasp it. And I'm a really visual person. I feel and I was like, why can't my brain grasp it? So that was always in my head because I was like, Okay, this happened every single time I had to do choreography in ship, so that was happening.

And then my balance is off. And then it's my fear of performing in front of people, Like I'm not even scared of the millions of people on the TV screen because I'm like, okay, I can't see you, but i can't see all those people in the audience the live taping and I've been to the life taping. Thing that scared me. I went to see Jenny perform live. I went to see Ion perform live. I've been there

and it was scary. I was like, oh my god, and my heart was pounding out of my chest for them because I was like, oh, this is wild because it's like not just all of the people and the audience, but it's the cameras and the sets and you got to get the moves and the judges and it was just mind blowing to me. Again, another thing, I was like, man, I never do that because I couldn't do that. I'm just telling you my feelings. So you know my mindset

going into this. I'm terrified. I'm terrified. It's going to be September seven, seen, it's going to be live, and yeah, you do it. I hear that everybody's scared, but they don't look on TV. And I'm a fangirl. I watch, you know from my living room, comfortm my home on TV every season and I'm just like, they look white.

Everyone looks great. And you know a lot of people, I feel I have dance experience, you know, whether it's actors, actresses, fingers coming into it, athletes, they all have some sort of athletic experience. So this was nothing. You know what my well, you know what, No, that's not true. My athletic experience five kids, five kids, that's my card game. And I literally like I don't work out. Sorry, I don't make me time. You know, I have friends, Oh

my god, my best friend Jess. Way before I got offered it this season was like, you know, it's time, Like let's get your body into shape, Like let's go to plates with me, go hiking with me. She's been begging me. Ruthan's like, let's go on walks, and I always found an excuse not to do it. So here I am and I have started this though in preparation in the last three months that I was sworn to secrecy.

I'm that girl that when I pull up to a shopping mall, pull ups Target, pull up to you know, Walmart, I will drive around for thirty minutes and find the closest spot. And I'm good at it. I'm I'm zoned in, I'm locked in. As they say, I I'll follow the crowd. I'm like, okay, I see two people leaving, I'm just gonna follow them in an non creepy way. And I'm always like smiling, so I don't think I'm like creepy

and following them and I'll wait for that spot. And most people are like, just get it done, like you want to get inside cares where you park. But I was like so physically exhausting for me to walk far through the parking lot, not far at all, that I'll find a spot super close, stall for thirty months until I get it and then let's go to the mall. But I've been parking further away, so that was my prep. You know, a target, I don't wait for the spot,

you know, right in front, I park like two rows over. Okay, I digress. Okay, do you want to hear now how it all happens, because this is stuff I never knew, so it's super exciting to me as a fan girl. So you sign on. You can't tell anybody that was really hard for me, And yeah, then closer bet. And by the way, I just got to say, I thought in my mind, cause these people look so good on the show, the cast, that I'm like, they probably knew

and were like practicing their routine for months. No no, no, no, and everyone across the board gets the same treatment. So you know, I can't be like you know, I mean, physically, I have, you know, all these physical ailments, and I have five kids and I can't do a dance routine. So can I start earlier? Nope, nope. Everyone starts the same game, and you can't start sooner because you don't

know who your partner is. Your partner doesn't know who you are, and till the day you walk in, you walk into the first meet and rehearsal and there you guys are. But they did work with me to like they were like, okay, I filled out a questionnaire like you know, dance experience and not checking that box, you know, and they were like music, what's speaks to you? And I would tell them kind of the music that speaks

to me a little bit, duh. I through in flash dance and everyone's like, oh, cluchie and not doing that, but they want to know who you are and kind of what you feel. And I think that's so cool because no, I just always thought maybe, you know, people were assigned a song and a dance and you're not.

You know, you get to really like, like my first performance, my first song, and everyone has this is like their anthem, like a song that speaks to you and makes you feel like your own champion and what you want to convey. So I thought that was pretty cool. So got to work that out and I definitely, you know, well, I apologize to the team like a million times, like sorry, you got me, you know, sorry, so good and then

I was like stop, stop, we're working through this. But I did say to them, and this, this is true I said. I said, I want to be honest with you guys up front. I'm not going to be your best answer, but I do believe I will be your most passionate and creative answer because all I got is heart. What was that from? Jerry M. Maguire Google getting junior setup? Right? I'm all heart, motherfucker? Sorry? Can I say that? I'm all heart? Motherfucker? Right? I'm all heart, and I lead

with kindness. I'm going to believe in myself. I'm going to put all my heart and soul into it, and I'm open that all the strateties on my feet, oh my gosh, no no, no, no no no. And I'm really about storytelling. And I don't just say that works my name's in it. I really believe that. I got that from my dad and stories are everything to me because I feel like if you can get your story across,

then people understand you and they'll believe in you. You know, if you believe in yourself and you can convey your story, they might be there for the ride, and that's all I can hope for. Okay, So I didn't know who my partner was, but I have to say there was only, like I said, a few people that I can fight

it in. And Brian Green was one of the people that I was like because he's one of my boy besties obviously in real life, and he's been really active in the fight of making me believe in myself in the last year and really pumping me up and Shan were like champions, right, So he's been really like, You're one of the most creative people I know, and I've seen what you can do when you want to and when you believe. So you got to find that. And I also was like, you've done this, what is it like?

And he's like, well, I'm not gonna lie. It is grueling, it is hard. It is it's going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done. I was like, give you my life, but he's like, it's so rewarding. It's such an amazing journey and experience, and I think that this timing would be perfect for you. I also was able to talk to Sharna his Fance, who was one of the dance pros on there, so she knows

all the pros and she knows me well. So she was, you know, we don't have a choice in our partner, but we speculated and she was like, oh, I wonder who they're going to pick. And can't do our accent because I do accents terribly. She's such a beautiful accent, which I would just butcher dad. Maybe one day I'll attempt accents because I tell myself I can't do one. Maybe I can't. I'm not going to try that right now,

baby steps. And apparently it's not a given for the dance who comes back each season, like they don't know.

They get the call like the night before and like you're back, and they're like, oh, So she went through the dance pros that were there in their last season, but we didn't know who's coming back, and she went through you know, I said, I have a hard time with slips, so I definitely And she's like, you need someone patient, okay, and you need someone who's gonna work towards your strengths, and someone kind and sweet and just you know on tory vibes, and you know, also someone though,

that's going to push you, because she knows like if I not push, sometimes I'll crastinate or make excuses and make jokes and take up time so I don't have to do it. So don't let me off the book ever, And I said, I want, you know, somebody really artistic and creative, and I want to push the envelope like I want, in some way go outside the box. I want to tell a story because my dad was such a brilliant storyteller and I really think one of the

keys to his success. And he always told me this is He's like, you know what, everyone has their own stuff, and they have hard lives. And you know, this is going back when we didn't have phones and we weren't streaming, and we weren't you know, it was TVs, you know.

And he said, at the end of the day, when they get home, they want to compartmentalize, and they want to take a moment to get out of their own lives and their own heads, when they want to watch something, when they want to go into that world, and they want to be entertained. And I really took that to heart and my whole life that really not because I just listened to him and understood it. But I feel

it too. I love entertaining people. I know, if I can make you laugh, if I can make a smile, if I can listen to you and be a shoulder to cry. And I just like people and I like making people have me. I always have, So yeah, that's my thing. I'm like, I want a partner that's going

to go with that. And you know, I don't know how great I'm going to be and classically do all this stuff, so you know, if he and I can go in there and tell a story and entertain people, and you know I love fashion, so you know me, I'm all into. I'm like, I have ideas for creating the costumes and what the sets will look like, and you know I have all these in wed not the like classic ones that you have to do, but you know, just like you know, I see it in my head.

So I'm like, oh, we can tell such a beautiful, fun storyline and story and just entertain people. Distract my feet, distract my feet. The day I arrived, it was like one hundred degrees out that day, you guys, that day it was last week. This whole thing just started literally like the go time so I arrived in a black robe and I had to have the robe covering everything, and they were like they let us know. Then seasons

passed like you know, everyone knows. You know, there's the dance studio and the timeline and when it's going to start and when they start prepping. And so I guess in the past paparazzi have identified the secret cast because you know, maybe they saw their hands and they were like, oh they you know, hello with my nails, like and I have, you know, my hand chain, I always wear, my ring I always wear. So there's distinct things. So it was like so many things. It was like, you know,

obviously cover the blonde hair. Not every a gazillion, like you know, female celebrities in LA have long blonde extensions. It's not like so unique, but you know, to cover my hair, took it away, cover my face, cover my body with this black robe like head to toe, cover my hands inside, and just like you know, you arrive and it's like, go to amazing security. Who I found out this is super exciting. Wahish I take this off. We're doing this whole thing with this. I have the

visor on. This is the visor. Sorry, I forget we're doing a podcast and side from social clips, you can't see it, but it is a visor where you can hear it and clicking it down. And it is full face a visor that covers you from you know, your forehead to under your face. It's like super chic and it is a little like. It triggers my fear a little bit because I wore the same visor when I did the first season of Mass Singer and no one

was allowed to know you there. In fact, no one was allowed to know you even after it wasn't about paparazzi. It was like on the lot studio like the crew couldn't know, the judges couldn't know, the panel like the host couldn't know. Nobody could know. And I was the unicorn. I'm ass singer and I sang fight song. That's my first song. But yeah, I had to wear this every show and just so back in the visor, back in the visor again. Anyway, So black Robe got my visor.

And when you arrive at the studio the first day, security like you have to call them a block away and be like I'm five out. It was like a covert mission, which I'm all into that. You know that I'm like, oh, this is cool, Like I like that part, like hmmm. So I was like okay, I got this. So you get handed off to them and they have like huge umbrellas and they're blocking you and the dance studio. They have like a panel of cameras, like security cameras,

so no to paparazzi. They cut their eyes on you literally like mad props to the entire team of Dancing with the Stars, like they're on it. They're locked in and so they can see every view of the street, every view of like you know, the street behind it, and all the doors and all the staircase you know, stairwells, everything, so they can see if anyone's like out there. But security like rushes you in face. I was like, please,

no pictures, just kidding. So again one hundred degrees. You get in there, you get up, and once you're up in the safety and sincty the dance studio, you can take off the robe, you can take off the visor. And then they were like, okay, are you ready. I was like nope, And okay, well you're gonna be ready. There's cameras up in the dance studio. You're gonna go into that room watch this show. I'm gonna go in my partner. Who is it? And oh? I opened that door.

I did look to the right really quickly because it says d W T and I'm like, oh, I know that logo. And then I looked over and it was Pasha and I was like, yes because, beknownst to her, and I was texting with Shanna yesterday Brian's fiance dance pro amazing human. Beknownst to her, I was like, by the way, you can add fortune teller to your resume now because you predicted it. We not predicted it. But she went through the list and why this one would

be right for me? She loves them all, but for me, and she was like, you know what, Pasha would be really a great, great fit for you. Who was so I did the tory like air pump, fist pump? Wait, air pumps a fart? Wait what is it? Hump? Wait? And you do oh you pull your fist back this pump. I always get those two mixed up, you guys. I think air pump means fart? Am I right? You guys? Done? Now? I believe air pump means fart. Actually it's a tire inflator.

It's a some kind of pump. It's called it's pump. My gosh, I always get fist pump and air pump mixed up. But I do do that a lot where you like pull your fist in. I go bus and I pull it down really hard, like when eating it. And that's also like I do that. I have like a happy dance when I like get food and I'm like excited or like a situation I'm excited, and I saw Pasha and I was excited, and I always, in my brain I call it an air pump, even I don't know. I'm always like ways up. This phone was

the airphone. So one time we were at Olive Garden and so much chick my god, less broadsticks, I mean, never lose me forever. Okay, Anyway, my kids and I love Olive Garden and we're really excited when we go there. And then oh, oh my god, I think the month is coming up with endless pasa. When is that? I think it's November. Oh my god, is it? It's coming in?

Put them on my calendar. But anyway, so we're in Olive Garden or local one, and we're sitting there and the breadsticks came out and the nice young man that was serving our table he brought them out and I was like, and I did it, and I was like, oh my god. He must have thought, like, what is wrong with this girl? That was I mean, I know people like bread stick come on like that was like for kill. But I was like, and I was like oh, and I like leaned over to him and I was like,

I'm so sorry. I just did an air pump and he looked at me odd and then I was like, my kid's like mo air pumps fart. Nope, nope, fis pump. And I was like, oh my god. I was like, wait, I just did a fist pump. And he was like, girl, you're good. He goes, but I was like, wow, she's really excited. Tori Spelling just farted over the breadsticks at

all of garden. Yep, that happens. So now I always am paranoid, which one I'm going to say it wrong, But anyway, so I saw Pasha and I was like, and I did my little happy dance, like yeah, little foody happy dance. I was like, I got shit And then oh my gosh, so you guys, I'm like I'm going to come on here every week and I'm going to tell you about my journey because it is so cool behind the scenes and as you can see, well

you can't see, as you can hear. I am truly a fangirl and the whole thing is just so cool to see it from the other side. And I'm pushing away all those fears right now. I'll keep you updated, but just the excited part, like I'm so excited. And you know, we met and he was like, okay, let me see a little bit of what you could do, and taught me a little few moves and I was like against. I was like, I'm I was like, oh boy,

you know, are you sorry you got me? And he was like not yet and I was like he's just kidding. He was like no, and he was like, oh my gosh, I grew up watching you like I'm a kid of the nineties. And I was like, oh my gosh. So he got stuck with the old chick okay, and I was like cool, I'm young at heart. Fun and he was like, you know, you're in my living room, like this is really cool. And I gave him my story, which you know goes on on like you're breaking on

like it's a long one. But anyway, No, he was fine with it. So this point, you guys in the program, and I'm gonna time stand this because I want you to know, like it is a lot. It is September fifth, twenty twenty four, and we've had two rehearsals. We go live on September seventeenth. That's it can't change it. It can't be like, oh, I'm not ready. How's the nineteenth work for you? No? So yeah, and like I said, everyone

gets the same, so God bless you. You know, they throw you in, they like actually step in and then you go. But each week there's a technical dance that you have to do. And while I knew that, you know, of course, I'm like, you know, always here like this star and their partner dancing this week to the church. So the room to the jib quickstep scares me? Yeah, so my So the song I picked really speaks to me, really speaks to me now and what I'm going through

and the human I am blowing up to be. So oh, I love it so much. I love this song so much. Pasha says, when you're done with the song that you probably won't want to listen to it for like a year, but that's okay, I'll take it. It really speaks to me. So they were able to take that song and what type of song because you know each week some sometimes there's faster songs, sometimes the slower songs. And this song

I was given. We were given the technical dance because you have to have one of the dances each week. Everyone does them all, so that goes with the rhythm and beat of this song. So we have a dance and yeah, we've had two days of rehearsal and it's like, yeah, I'll tell you one thing. And I apologize to Pasha daily, like, oh god, I think he has his wife has won the Mirror Ball. They have a beautiful baby girl that's one years old, and I'm just like, oh my gosh.

And he's so kind. I got to say, I feel for me. They couldn't have known it, but they picked the best partner. And I'm just getting to know the cast in the pros and they're all amazing. It really is a family. And you hear about this, but you're like, is it true? Like I know it's a competition, you guys, but it doesn't feel like it it feels like everyone is rooting for each other. Oh, it's been so beautiful in these two days of rehearsal. And then hey, by

the way, we're gonna start you with two days. So so we met, we did the promo shoot, and then it was a Labor Day weekend, which you know and dancing with the stars. It's a timeline. It doesn't stop for anything, including holidays or kids. So I was like, hey, good's Labor Day weekend. I got a dance. I just want to dance. Name it. Uh huh. So, yeah, I had to do rehearsals, had to. I wanted to do rehearsal. My thing is and I'll never forget this and I

never likened myself to this. But I didn't interview Rellie. I would say it was before bo so eight years ago seven with Lena Dunham, who I was such a huge fan and loved girls, loved all her movies, loved everything without her and her creativity, I mean, because she does it all. She writes, shelter wrecked and produced and staring and everything she chooses, you know, the music, the wardrobe and just everything. She's a creator and create a force to be reckoned. With and she's such a powerhouse

of advocating for women and just I love that. So I was really blessed that she had reached out to do an interview with me. I was like, me, Lena Dunham wants to interview with me. Mind blown. So, you know, in true Tory fashion, I was like, okay, we don't know. I'm working. I don't know five time and one of my best friends who passed in the last couple of years, Scout, was like, Mama, you're doing this. You're going to go and you're gonna have an interview with Lena dun And

he was like, I'm gonna sit right here. You reply to this email and say yes, when does she want to meet? You're going? And I did, and it was it was a life changing experience because we we were at Soho house, which I was like, oh my gosh, this is cool, okay, and we we talked for like hours and you know, when the interview came out, I was so proud. It was a beautiful. She wrote it so beautifully, but you know, far surpassed like the convo went.

I mean, she knew. We learned everything about each other's lives. We became instant friends and supporters of each other. But when she put it out there was something that really stuck with me. She was like, I have to go back and get the article because I'm gonna misquote it

right now. But something along the lines that she said that when she met me, when from the time she met me and we sat down till the time we left, she said, and she knew I didn't believe in myself, and I had all these things like, oh, you know, yeah, all the shit, And she said, but Tory spelling meets your eyes and she holds your eyes eye contact and never looks away, and the look in her eyes, she likened it to a prized fighter. Did they say it right?

You know? I never know sports champion like a prized fighter, like the look, And I was like, how I'd never thought about that. I just thought I look people in eyes because it's proper, it's the right thing to do,

and my parents raised me. But it can be scary locking eyes with someone, and especially when things get uncomfortable and you're talking about things that maybe they're talking about stuff uncomfortable, you're talking about stuff and you look away, right, and that's a sign of you know, you get nervous self doubt, but she said she might have a lot of self doubt, but on one hand, she doesn't because she never breaks eye contact. And that has stayed with

me because I am resilient. I am a fighter. I'm me. I'm a fine sized, little lad, quirky fighter, but I am I have the mindset of a fighter, in the heart of a fighter. And I'm telling that story only because Pasha said to me. You know, he said when we were done the first day that he he said, you know what, I really appreciate. He said, you are committed. And I didn't know. We danced that first day four hours. You guys, I'm winded after walking, you know, fifty feet

into target. I wasn't winded because I had so much drive and hope in me and I was like, you know what, here's my partner. I'm not going to let him down. And we locked in and I was there. I was committed and I listened and yeah, I'm very very committed and very focused and very driven. And I'm not just work driven. I always thought like, oh, yeah, my father's daughter, I'm like, or of course, and you know, yeah,

I'm not just work driven. I am life driven, yeah, because no matter what happens in life, like you got to keep going right. So we rehearse for two days. That was a whirlwind. I learned my entire dance over those two days. In true Tory fashion. I learned some. And the first day came in the next day and I WASH's like ready, and I'm like, I forgot everything. And we're also learning about me. He and I are learning about me at the same time. He's learning about

me and I'm learning about me. That sounds odd, learning about me that I tell myself I forgot, but like when I get out of my own head, I actually feel and remember. So as he's told me, the biggest competition in this competition is myself. I'm up against myself, just like nope, no. So he videoed and then once he feels like I've gotten it, he will turn on his phone, set it up on a tripod and videotape it so that when I go home I can rewatch it. And he's hoping the visual of that will sink the

moves into my head. So what I go home with is the best version. I might have done it, you know, fifty times. But as soon as he's like Okay, that's a good version. We're gonna videotape this. Anyway. I went home the first night and I was feeling plumped. You guys, I was like, oh my gosh. I came into it thinking I'm never going to be able to do any of these dance moves and anything. And by the time I got home, up straight my shoulders back, I was walking the walk, I had a little grip in my step.

I was feeling really confident. And I walked in and I said to Bo, who's seven, Hey buddy, do you want to see my first rehearsal? I have it and he was like okay, and so he watched it. And after he watched it, I said, do I look like a dancer all the confidence in the world. And he looked at me and he goes, no, not at all. And I was like, rode of the mouths of me.

I later came to find out that there was one move in there that he hadn't seen before, and he thought that that one thing because he hasn't seen it on the TikTok was like, and it's part of my technical dance. That wasn't a move, so you know, you never know, but it was so put everything into perspective. Okay, So we had our two days of rehearsal and then we all flew to New York and that was a

whirl when trip. In fact, do you know yesterday it was announced on GMA and everyone knows every year, I couldn't tell anyone was going to New York because people track you that way and they'll be like, oh, everyone knows there's going to be a date and it's going to be announced live on Good Morning America. A whole hour dedicade to Dancing with the stars, the cast and pro reveal. So I had to be super like, oh, another covert insine getting to New York. But also, you know,

me scared flying. So it's a lot like emotionally, a lot goes into it. I was already like exhausted dancing, you know, two days in a row, you know, ten hour dances between the two days, and then getting on a plane flying to New York. Literally flew into New York rethanlent with me. We got there, went straight to the hotel. Well after of course there was a delay and we were stuck on the tarmac for two hours. Yeah,

but I love them. I made friends of course with all the attendants and got there did there was like a cast and pro meet and greet private nobody else, just as so we can see who's on the cast. We can see, you know, pro dancers who they are because we don't know either. And yeah, got to that, went in and saw the count and I was super psyched. There was Son that I was like, oh my gosh,

I was so excited to see. Like I've worked with Eric Roberts before on a show on ABC years ago called Absolutely Perfect, and he was so kind and amazing when I worked with him, because it's hard to be a guest star coming onto somebody else's show. I know what it's like tow and O. It was always hard. So I was always welcoming and he was so welcoming. So I'd worked with him. And then there's Reginald vl Johnson Family Matters Iconic, but he and I did a

TV movie. It was me and him and Patrick Muldoon in South Carolina in my twenties and we became such good friends. I loved him. I haven't seen him since, so I was like, oh, you know, immediately friend friend, very excited, and then I got to meet everybody else, and everyone was cooler than the next. Like the whole cast, you guys, and I know you guys have seen all the names announced. Every single one of them is very cool, very funny. I love that, you know. Humor is my thing.

I am psyched to be with the cast that has such a good sense of humor, thank God, and so supportive. There's not one that's not kind. There's not one that I'm like, oh my gosh, like not good vibes, like energy is amazing. All the pros are amazing, obviously, the judges, the hosts, Oh my gosh, Alfonso Roberto and I who is one of the co hosts with Julie Huff who I've known for years. But Alfonso and I have known each other since our teens, and so I am so

oh happy for his journey. He's had such an amazing journey. And he was like, you know what. He goes, You've had a hard past year. He goes, this is your time to shine. I was like, I'm going to Yeah, we used to go to the Roxbury back in the day. We were talking about that, but yeah, so I got to know everybody. Then it was like go time, and I got to say that one moment before we went live on Good Morning America, I was like, what's no journ back? Now the world is going to know. Here

we go. And then we were announced live I'm in Morning America and I was like afterwards, posh, I'm like, it's real. Now, this is real. He's like it's been real and I'm like, no, now it's real like everybody in the world. And he sold me accountable now. But it was a really great feeling. I'm feeling really cautiously optimistic. So I'm going to take you through this journey with me. Please come along, and I'm gonna share every week what's happening behind the scenes. Sorry, this is my excited toy

right now. And yeah, my thing is it's my time. It's time for me power on