Mis-Judged

Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Okay, I am joined by a country music superstar. She has countless hits and awards under her belt, Plus she has new music coming out, an album called Unbroke and the best legs in the business Welcome with me. Sarah Evans, you are my idol.

I would have had ten if I could have. And I've been following you all these years and watching you just like pop these babies out, and I'm like, I want that, but I can only have three. I was fucking fertile.

I didn't know.

I didn't know how many is all together?

Five fight?

Yeah, and you have three? I have three. But I come from a family of seven, and that's yeah, where do you like not? I'm number three? I was between the two boys, and then there was me and then two girls that were sixteen months apart. And then my mother and father divorced after five kids, and then my mom got remarried and had two little girls, have two half sisters. So I was always kind of alone. Like in the family, I didn't I didn't have a partner.

Of right age four.

Yeah, at age four, our parents realized that we could sing and you know, do music. And I'm so grateful to my mom because we were farmers, and farmers are not only always broke, but they're so busy. And my mother could have been and you know this, having five kids, my mom could have just said, my kids are so talented and they can do music, and that would have been it. But she made the efforts and went out and bought music equipment and found musicians and did that

Way before Chris Jenner Way, Mamager.

Oh my god, my mom was the original Christian. My god, yes, yeah, totally like you know what I'm saying. As moms, we could have been just too tired to do it always. I'm very grateful that she pushed us. One time I asked her, why did you do that? You know, when we were so busy and we had so much going on, and she said, because I wanted you to be more than just you know, play sports in a small town, and I wanted you to get out and so I owe it to my mother.

Oh wow, well and yourself.

And yes, wait, I.

Can't talk to you right now unless I tell you the story of my teeth.

Okay, what happened?

Okay, so my whole life I had like terrible teeth. My best friend for my fiftieth birthday was like, he's a huge dynasty. He's like, I'm giving you. It's like Oprah, like, look on your seat, you got new Veneers. Whoa way Govenirs? You got venirs?

And yeah, so are you telling me this because my teeth are crooked? Oh my god, let me lick your teeth there, and I need Veneers. I want vine ears.

You're so hot and I want to lick your teeth. Sorry, sorry, Jay. Her husband's right here.

She would probably love that. Oh my god, that.

Little crooked tooth is turning me on.

Okay, an, wait, so you have temporaries in right now?

Oh, I got yesterday and I'm lisping and I was like, I'm interviewing Sarah Evans and this is not okay, so I felt the need to tell you, and then I can't get it out of the way, and then we move on.

I never would have known. You're doing great with it. Are you in pain? And do you have pain pills that you could share?

Oh God, I love you already.

Yeah you too.

But yeah, if you hear me lisping, it's not because I'm drunk, it's because.

It's the reason. Yeah, yeah, okay.

But they're white and they're crisp and there they look amazing. Thank you.

We're all the same age. We were joking that there's hot flashes up in here.

Yeah, there's a.

Lot of hot.

I'm done in menopause. You're what I'm done with it? I'm pretty sure done. Yeah.

Oh like has an end?

It's ended if one year at tori, if one year or no period, allegedly, you're done.

Yeah, and then you're and what Harry, listen to me get pregnant during minopause? Did you know that?

My friend told me that, Yeah.

I would love to be pregnant again. But then my name my friend, my son Avery's twenty four, okay, he's my favorite. And then my daughter, Audrey, I mean Livy is twenty one, and my daughter Audrey is nineteen.

Yeah.

One of the reasons I wanted to bring you together is you really have a lot of your journey in common.

First of all, i'd love to have another baby.

I would too. Oh my god, it's the best. There's no better time in your life than when you bring that baby home. I never complained about losing sleep, No, no, no, I loved it every second of it.

Same same Jay. Well, I don't know if you're open this. Would you impregnate both of us? It's just a question.

Yeah, I mean, at this point we're in our fifties. Who cares?

You know?

One might have to be done through ibs. That would be me and me.

Sister. I'm totally in menopause, but I'm still bummed, like I should have freezed my eggs.

Yeah, I'm begging my children to have children because you know, I'm gonna just steal the grandchildren.

Oh my god. I fucking love you because I have this idea. It's like a lifetime movie idea where a mother steals her kids eggs because she's dating a younger man. Sound familiar.

That's the best idea ever.

It's called my daughter's eggs.

Can I be in it. I'll play an egg.

Uh can you be the lead? By the way, I just have to tell you you have the hottest legs the business.

Thank you their gift from my mother. But I didn't do anything to like earn them. It's just she's got great legs, and I, you know, thank God got that from her. I mean, thank you for saying that.

Yeah, of course, let's go back like you started. And I know you started a four, but you started in your twenties becoming famous. What age do you think you became famous.

I think I became famous at age twenty eight or twenty nine, okay, because I decided I'm not gonna have a baby until I have a number one record, because I wanted to be able.

To a woman yes, and I.

Wanted to able to have enough money to have a nanny, because I was not gonna go on the road and not take my kids with me. I would have just quit. And I'm friends with Martina McBride, and so one day it was huge pregnant, sitting on the couch with my first child. I never found out what I was having either. I always made it a surprise. All three, yep, all three. So I said, what am I gonna do when the

So Taylor Swift says, you were stunted at the age you become famous. Interesting, But you say twenty eight twenty nine.

I would say I would say I act about twent ine thirty.

Yeah, do you feel stunted at that age?

I don't feel stunted at that age, but you know how as you age. I remember my dad telling me this one time that you never feel different after like thirty, like you kind of always think the same way about clothes, about fashion, about style, about you know, having fun. I don't think you ever really change your mindset after about thirty in your thirties, because my dad was like, I still feel like I'm in my thirties. So stunted might not be the right word. And we all know Taylor

You don't look much different.

Well, thank you, you don't either, thank you.

So we're here in Napa Country in the vineyards and I introduce you twenty one days to break a habit? Yes, correct, Yes, I watched you. I fucking cheered from the crowd, and that hit home. Is that true?

You know I come from I've always heard that if you can do anything for twenty one days, then you're broken a habit, you know, like or you've started a habit. Okay, So like you know, if you if you're like I'm gonna jog for twenty one days straight, then you're you've entered into that habit. So I was writing with Jeff Trott and Melissa Fuller. Jeff Trott co produced all Sheryl Crow's records, co wrote all of her songs. He wrote if It Makes You Happy by himself.

Oh my god, yeah and wow.

So I went in and I had this idea because I'm a lyricist. I don't like love writing melodies. I'm much more of a lyricist. So I was like, Jane and I were separated at the time, and so I wanted to write a song that was kind of on the funnier side of things, like if you can do something for twenty one days, you know, you would break a habit. But I couldn't even go two days without you know, talking.

To Jay or one thank you.

Yeah. Like I say, we were separated, but we were always together, always texting because we're soulmates and we're so in love. And so nevertheless, we ended up writing the song they say it takes twenty one days to break a habit, And then at the end, I was like, wouldn't it be funny if we got on the calculator and trying to figure out how much time that is? So it's five hundred hours, two hundred minutes, twenty four hundred seconds. That's twenty one days. Is there a habit

Well, I just got out of an eighteen year marriage. I see, so I'm trying to break that.

And you know, it's really hard because depending on the situation, sometimes like your therapist or whatever, we'll say, you know what, my therapist.

Your therapists have one. So yeah, yeah, I'm happy you're here.

Well, Jane and I are going to be in marriage counseling for the rest of our lives because it is truly so helpful. It's so helpful. And then outside of therapy, we don't talk about anything, so we save it all for therapy. I mean we talk. We're like dead signs now they say that's yeah, you know, helpful. And so depending on the situation, if you're going to try to go no contact to make it easier on you, Yes, the twenty one days is where the idea for that

I think I'm more interested actually in my future right and like the future human I partner with?

Correct, what is that look like? I believe that if you are really going to divorce, you're really going to be okay. If you're really going to do that. My opinion is, you know that needs because I have a friend who's going through this right now and she's really worried about that. I never thought about it because I knew that there's no way I'm not ending up with Jay, you know, I just knew that. But even though we went through a hard time, I knew that we were

Right?

Nobody wants to think about balance down, ye.

Friends are like, I just want you to get what you deserve right, always the thing, and no one can know what you deserve except for you.

And if you you know, I don't know at all where you stand. But what I always tell my friend who's going through a divorce, trust God be still, let him work it out. But it is a very scary thought to think about being alone at fifty. Yeah, but you will not be Tori. How do you know, Sarah Evans? You're beautiful, love your home name, you're beautiful.

Kids. Who wants that?

Yeah? But you A lot of people do a lot of people do. I mean, if I were you, I would focus more on healing from your marriage. Yeah, and then moving to that now I've been divorced already. When I was divorcing him was a totally different because I couldn't stand the motherfucker. And so Craig, Yes, so I think I did. Think you guys.

Married a year later after we met met Okay, tell me yes?

Sorry, sorry, Well, you know this is so funny. So Craig and I did a lot of marriage counseling. I I always felt guilty because I didn't truly love him. However, I have three children with him, and I'm as you know, you wouldn't change that for anything in the world. Yea, but he has not been in their lives at all. He has not been present at all. He hasn't seen them since twenty fourteen. Heartbreaking, yes, but thank god they had Jay. I mean, Jay stepped in, raised them, you know,

That divorce at the time.

At the time, however, I was only in my early thirties, so I knew that I would meet somebody, but it's different at fifty.

You worry about that.

So Jay and I were introduced by a marriage counselor Jake. Is that not hilarious? So he and his wife were separated ex wife. Craig and I were going through marriage counseling because I didn't believe in divorce.

I didn't.

I couldn't fathom it. My parents divorced when I was twelve. It killed me. My dad was a wonderful dad, but he was a bad divorce dad, you know what I mean. So I was always chasing after him and trying to get his love, and so I developed a lot of daddy issues. I know, that's such a common overused phrase. I did now, And so Craig and I counseled with this guy named Joe. He went down to Alabama and

Your marriage counselor set you up on.

Yes, what the heck isn't that funny? And so he said, listen, when you're a divorce's final, you call me, we'll meet. I'll tell you the person is. I'm not gonna tea you. So we were My whole family were like, oh my god, who could it be? And so then when I found out it was Jay. Jay played football at Alabama. He was a quarterback superstar down there, won the national championship in ninety two. Then he played professional ball, and he said, I think it more if nothing else, you guys would

Yeah.

So I was. I put the kids to bed one night, I was doing the dishes. I went into my office at home and I emailed Jay and I said, Hey, it's Sarah Evans. Joe told me about you. Went back to the kitchen. Yeah, and I heard the ding on my computer and I'm like, he's been sitting here waiting for me to email him, because he responded immediately, and so we just started talking NonStop. We had a very fast courtship. Our divorces were final one day apart. We

Forward, understood. Sarah and Jay, you guys were apart for a while, though, what happened there?

Did you cheat on me while we were so kid?

I'm gidding, Sorry Jay, she found out.

I found my bad. I think we were both miserable. I was miserable. Now. We were going through some very tough issues, and you know, I spoke about it on my podcasts and kind of I was just kind of going to be like, I'm gonna I'm gonna talk about it and then I'm going to try to let it go because it's it's quite embarrassing to our children, honestly to hear about it.

My kids are the same, I want to hear this.

Yeah. So now I just I know that that we've both changed so much and our marriage is incredibly healthy. Now. We communicate now, even today I was like, is something wrong? Is done it?

Da?

We communicate so well, where before that might have turned into a big fight, but today it was just an normal conversation between two married people. But during the separation, I was drinking all the time, just miserable because I missed my husband. I wanted him back. But now I say that I was not that way with my first marriage at all.

Ever. Ever, it says something.

Literally, in the last two weeks, you've each been the top story on People magazine.

Is that helpful?

Hurtful, harder? What is that for both of you?

I would say for me, it's very, very hard because, for instance, my four step children fucking hate it. I mean they hate it because it's embarrassing. Yeah, and when you're famous, and as you know, when you're famous but you've got family members that aren't, well, they're like, I didn't choose to be famous. You're the famous ones, So don't talk about me. You don't talk about my dad, don't talk about you know.

My fifteen year old says that exact thing all the time. I didn't choose this, right, Like, you're born into it. How we make our money right? Literally? Like sorry, yeah?

But you know, with me, I can talk to my three about it a lot easier because they've been with me every single day of their lives. When you're a stepmom, it's a it's a different thing because you're trying very hard to you know, I'm not trying to be your mom, but I love you as though you were mine, but I'm not. You know, it's it's a man. It's a tight rope to walk. Yeah, it really is.

Step parents.

Yeah, it's it's hardly Yeah, that's right.

My soon to be X has a girlfriend, a living girlfriend who has met the kids, and I like her. Oh good, They actually really like her. She's supportive of him. They keep each other accountable, they're sober, and yeah, it's a different.

That will be very very very good for your children if you and she get along, agreed.

Yeah, And I hope the partner I end up being with is the same person for my kids, right and going forward?

Yes, yeah, yeah, I will pray that for you.

Thank you.

Yeah, for step children who I love. It's making things harder between us and I wanted to go the opposite way, but then at the same time, truth, it's the truth when it's out in the public.

You know.

It was very hard to to decide whether or not to talk about it. And I asked Jay, for instance, the song Pride, I said, if you want me to, I'll make that third person she he you know, instead of and he was like, absolutely not. This is your song that you wrote. This is your story to tell, even though it involves me in all seven of our children. But for healing, for our marriage. We've got to be honest. Yeah, otherwise we're just going to go back into the same cycle,

In your great relevant I mean, you're an amazing, iconic performer, but you're still relevant in the press, and they're always going to talk about you. They want fascination. So that's something that's just going to keep coming up, right, It's hard. Yeah, how do you manage that?

I think, you know, my hop in prayers of the further away we get from our separation and from all of that, that it'll just become old news. You know, the news cycle is so fast, and that's my hope and prayer. And then the more that people see that we're together and that we're in love. And you know, Jay and I have a lot of things that we've opened up about in therapy that are not excuses for

Wait, can you give me the number of your therapists because I'm hopeful they'll set me up with someone that I am and I just want to meet somebody I will get.

Sorry you're you don't have to worry about that. You don't have to worry about it.

Fucking worry about.

Don't I know you're worried about it.

I really do.

With five kids, I really understand like a safe space, that's all I understand. I really do. But trust me, you are not going to be alone you you're too beautiful, you're too funny, you're too You're just open and you're like me and a lot and we're both very open and but I get it not meat before. I don't know. I don't know. I've always liked to you, I've always followed you. I've always been interested in you.

Yeah, are Sarah and j two point oh better than version one?

For sure? Sarah and Jay marriage two point oh is probably I mean it's night and day from marriage on.

Yeah.

No, no, no, And we named it that, yeah, marriage two point oh yeah, just because no, No, I just get emotional. But Jay is a great man who made some bad choices. Everybody deserves forgiveness and love. He certainly does. He's done a lot for me, and he's done so much for my children, and he's a great father to his children. And so I just couldn't be that person. That's just like, I'm not gonna try.

And I know so many fans were like why right, Like it's over right.

People don't understand, and it's a tough it's a very tough topic because.

It is you don't been there.

Yeah, it's a tough topic.

They're in a marriage. Sorry, mine didn't work out. Yours worked out, but I had that that happened where my husband, well it was different. Mine was infidelity. And then you know, people are like why are you staying? And I'm like, because I'm choosing to try to work on this.

Right, and we've got five children, and yeah that I mean so yeah, that was a big part of it. But it's it's funny because like sometimes Jay, just like any marriage will just piss me off or you know, drive me crazy. I'm sure I drive him crazy too, but we love each other and it's it's hard to explain, you know, but I'm not sitting here I have.

To explain because it's no one's fucking business.

You're right, you're right, literally, you're right.

And that's what it comes down to. Is they all weigh in on our lives. Sorry interpt. No, no, no, no, they all weigh in our lives. And at the end of the day, it's no one's fucking business between it's between.

The two of you, right, And people think they.

Know and that sucks, yeah, because you take so much of that on because you're a public figure and you take it on, you take it on and it influences how you feel about your partner, and it's not fair.

That's right, that's perfectly said. That's right. It's very very difficult, and I'm not on some high horse sitting here saying, you know, but we worked it out and we stay together because I haven't. I have divorced, and I feel and I know people are gonna maybe maybe balk at this or whatever, but my reasons for divorcing my first husband to me were much more They were much more right, I mean than if I were to divorce day. I mean, those those were much more valid. That's the word. Yeah.

Yeah, I think in your music you never sounded.

Better or thank you you do.

Your songs sound like the old Sarah Evans, if that makes sense.

Yeah, it's more about I'm competitive with myself and I'm a perfectionist, so I just want to I'm a better singer now than I was in my twenties. I just want to get better and better and better all the time. When I get to the point where I feel like I'm not singing great, that I'm quitting because I will not go out like we heard Sarah Evans tonight, No, that is not worth it to me.

You're a phenomenal singer.

Thank you.

Oh my god, you funny. Shit, you're funny.

So are you listen all what?

It's kind of cute.

I like it. I like it maybe.

I'll keep it.

Do you think in your fifties, for both of you, you are more willing to talk like is that because of the age we're all at now, where it's like, you know what, we can just be authentic?

I think, I mean, I I feel like honesty is the best policy always.

Well, otherwise they create your narrative.

You're right, Yeah, you're so right, and you don't gotta you know, I'm never gonna sit here and tell anybody the minute details of mine and Jay's issues.

Tell me after, yeah, okay, yea perfect tell you after.

In fact, I texted you before the podcast and told you everything. But I'm never going to do that.

But honestly, is brushing so hard?

Honesty is the best policy within reason, and don't don't don't, yeah, don't humiliate your children. And but I do feel that in the fifties, I feel like there's so many younger women that need our advice and need us to be honest, because how else are we gonna help them or stop them from getting into a situation that we've been in that we weren't happy with.

Mama. I'm just doing to heal myself, like I props to the younger generation. But I'm just like, woof, I can't take it anymore. I couldn't take it. Everyone was creating so much drama and the wrong drama. And I, you know, I've been schooled in the thought, you know, from the nineties, like you don't comment, you don't do that. I was finally like, I can't. Yeah, I have to tell my story because it's my truth, sooner than later. I don't want to do it later, like, I just want to get it out there.

And what you said is correct. They'll create it if you don't tell it, they will. You're not going to be alone. I just know that.

Okay, call your marriage counsel, like after this, okay, okay, I'm not kidding.

Is it a boy or girl? Well, the one we're using now is not the one that set us.

Up as a different I want the one to set you up.

I'll call him and I'll be like, who has divorced recently and who would like to date Tory spelling. Oh my god, that's what I'm gonna.

Do, Sarah as because I don't want to be alone. You are lonely, by the way, I'm not. Everyone's like, oh, you're just so scared of being alone, Like, no, I'm never alone. I have five kids, right, I'm never alone. It's not that I just want to partner. I want absolutely like someone that gets you want a person, you need a physical thing. I want someone that gets my brain because my brain it's pretty big.

Yeah, no one.

Has ever seen it. And I swear I'm like.

Cool, why don't you go on that famous person dating site? Oh? Riah, I don't know. I never.

Ry. So it's wild because you know, I've been married eighteen years.

There were no dating apps, right, So.

I would go through with my friends and then I'd be like, that's funny. And now I'm like, oh, is.

That going to be me?

And my kids are mortified. They hear that because I tell everything to my kids and they're like, yeah, you can't be on a dating app. And I'm like, how am I going to meet someone? And then I go, I'm going to be the old cat. I have one cat.

I'm going to be the old cat lady. No, I'm just I swear I have a I have a good intuition about things. And you're not going to be alone. You're not going to be alone for very much longer.

Really, Yeah, wait, what's his name and what's his sign?

Well, I don't know signs, but I'm an Aquarius. I'm just gonna go ahead and say Aquarius and February what February fifth?

Okay?

Yeah? Yeah, but how old is your youngest child?

Seven?

Okay, you need to wait a little bit. I can't just a little bit. Oh, just a little bit.

See, you've been through this in between sorry j ear muffs, Like in between things when people are like, just work on yourself, just be alone.

Yeah, go fuck yourself. It's hard because you want to say you be alone, bitch.

I hate when people say that. Yeah, it's terrible.

You just need and.

Like, okay, do you sear all the people they're married and happy and I'm like in relationships. Yeah, Like, don't tell me to be alone and get to know yourself. I don't fucking want to get to know myself.

Well, you do know yourself. I know myself exactly. Yeah. And you're I want to say too, you're a tremendous mother.

Since I was fifteen, so you know what, I know myself.

You're a tremendous I want to make sure you hear me say that you are a.

Sarah Evans.

You are are you? Are you bad at taking compliments?

Really bad? You're a superstar? Are you good at taking compliments? Yeah?

I like them?

Really?

Uh huh wait, I like taking it?

Well, give me wisdom, I mean, how do you do it?

Probably because I didn't get a lot of compliments growing up. And I don't mean that bad in any way, shape or form about my mom or my dad. But I'm from the Midwest where farmers. We're very stoic, non emotional, and so I don't know if the word is compliments, but I do love validation. I crave validation. Yeah, I get that.

So on my bucket list, which I was married for eighteen years, never thought it would happen, was like, I never dated a musician?

Do that? Who? What about Kenny Chesney? A single?

Oh Kenny Chestney? Really?

Well? Is he still cute? He's cute. Kenny and I are friends and.

I know he resorts to you reason. Yeah, job. I was going to bring it up later.

But am I supposed to do that my podcast? Yeah, I'm going to think of somebody. I'm going to think of somebody for you, Okay, I'm going to find a musician. That's my dream. Musicians are the great people. Because she's you, well, Kenny Chestney will we'll cheat on you most likely, but he's ready fook us up immediately.

I'm all in. I'm just kidding, talking you tonight to get his fucking DM.

I'm kidding, Kenny. I love you. This has been incredible. Thank you for having me.

Really, Oh my god, I love you.