Chelsea Handler

mistake dirt, and Albuquerque went nuts. She had to do like three days of radio local radio and Albuquerque to apologize, and she's like, you need to issue a formal apology and I will do no such thing. Oh my god, Albuquerque tried to cancel you. I know, I know. Now we love Albuquaque. Let's get it on the record that we love in Albuquerque. I'm sure I'm performing there shortly, so i'll address it in person. You guys. Hello, I'm Mini Driver and welcome to many questions. I've always loved

priest question nat. It was originally an eighteenth century harlighame meant to reveal an individual's true nature, but with so many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. So I took the format of Proof's questionnaire and adapted what I think are seven of the most important questions you could ever ask someone they are when and where were you happiest? What is the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you?

What question would you most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most? What would be your last meal? And can you tell me something in your life that has grown out of a personal disaster. The more people we ask, the more we begin to see what makes us similar and what makes us individual. I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I am honored and humbled to have had a chance to

engage with. My guest today is Chelsea Handler, an unfiltered voice in a world that feels like it's sometimes garing more vanilla for fear of councel culture. Chelsea is a true advocate of women in politics, and I've been to several events that she's hosted where I was given the opportunity to be educated and also be part of advocacy

that is really affecting change. She is tireless and sometimes caustic, but she is unapologetically connected to who she is and what she believes, and I really love her for that. I'm gonna start this off with when and where were you happiest? Chelsea? When and where was the happiest? I think on stage I would have been the happiest. Probably at Radio City Music Hall. I sold out four shows, and I remember the two shows going by so quickly

that I didn't even remember what happened. And at the end of the night, my sister said, did you experience that tonight? And I had so many people there, like my family, friends, relatives, and I did it. And she's like, make sure tomorrow night you soak it in like you're at Radio City Music Hall, like this is a dream come true, and make sure you don't miss that moment.

And then the next night I got on stage, and I have a habit of like, you know, oh stop stop me while i'm you know, I'm they're performing for all the people who have paid to seeing me, and I'm like, what me, Like it's so stupid, But I always like to stop applause, like if it becomes too much, I get embarrassed, right, I can't take a compliment in

that way. And I went out on stage in my first show, and I just let the applause keep going and going and going because people were so excited to be there and all my fans were there, and I just soaked it in and I remember feeling such joy that I almost started to cry. And I was like, Okay, now you have to be funny, so fucking get your ship to others. Love it. But it was a really happy moment because my sister told me to do it. Also,

it's good when sisters remind you to be present. I mean, God, Radio City Music Hall is it's like the Albert Hall. To me, it's just like this incredible, iconic venue. But did you have that all the way through your life, with like being on stage and that approbation, because I know I did. It's like rocket fuel, Is that part of the engine. Yeah? Well, I mean you find out that you're good at something right, and that you're bad

at all these other things. But all you have to find out is the good thing that you're good at. You know, you just have to find that thing for you, and when you find it, it's so good to be capable, you know, it feels so gratifying to be good at something. And to have people clamoring to see you and wanting to see that live. I love that you embrace that because there are so many people who are just like, oh, you know, I just do it for the work, and I just I love it. And if I bring a

couple of people peace. I love the fact that you're like, yeah, I want a huge crowds. Yeah, I want to be good at it. I love being good at it. I've always loved that about you. It's the appetite that you have for what it is that you do, because you do clearly love it. So what quality do you like least about yourself? My vanity? Do you really well? I mean, it's not an admirable treat in someone. I don't admire vanity and others I detested because I detested in myself.

So yeah, I don't like it. I wish I didn't care about the way I looked. But I don't mean just physically, I just mean my vanity and everything. You know, I wish I didn't have my ego. I wish I could just be enlightened instead of ego driven. But it's a pretty enlightened point of view to acknowledge that I mean that's a weird nexus between your ego and then also being able to be the spectator look at yourself, going shit, I wish I didn't have that, But there's

wisdom in that sheils. You have to have done some work to be able to observe that that's true. I have done some work. I mean, that's just me one cup of wisdom after another. Mini you know that. That's what I always say about you, Just wisdom, handler wisdom to point but I do. It's like there's a total veracity in the way that you hand out information that I will always appreciate. But I think you also turn that lens on yourself as much as you turn on

other people, including states. Shout out to Albuquerque, we love you, Albuquerque. Shout out to Albuquerque. What would be your last meal? Spaghetti with clams long a way with a white wine sauce is pretty much my favorite thing in the world, with a lot of parmesan. Yeah, do you make that? No? I can't make anything many. I can make egg whites and I can toast a bagel and that's all I can make. Okay, So who makes your spaghettian clams for your last male? Usually an Italian restaurant, So you'd be

sitting by yourself. No, no, yeah, ideally I would be yeah, no, I want to talk to anybody. I would have them deliver it at the very least, the very least, I would eat it at my house. What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? I'm gonna say my relationships with my sisters, both of them, because if there is an unspoken as you know, being a girl and having a sister, there is an unspoken tacit understanding of every single thing that is in your brain or on your mind or

on your face. There is an unspoken language between sisters where you look at them and they know that you have twenty looks and what each look means exactly. You know, when I look across the room and I'm talking to someone, my sister knows exactly if I want to stop talking to that person, if I want to continue talking about person, or if I want to leave with that person, like you know, and to me, that is love, because how

do you know somebody so intimately? Like I don't know anybody or trust anybody the way I trust my sisters. So is the cornerstone the trust and complicity and transparency. Are those the cornerstones of love for you? Trust? For sure? I think the unconditional love, the knowing of I can say I did something wrong or bad or something I regret to my sisters and they're never gonna not be

on my side. You know, you could do the worst thing, and that trust of like I could tell you the worst thing about me and you're still gonna love me, is the cornerstone of any real love. Yeah, you're absolutely right. My sister is well, you know my sister. She is just ruthless with me, but also the most loving, supportive cheerleader. And it's astonishing that sisters can actually inhabit both. Yeah. Yeah, they're going to tell you the truth, right, Yeah, the honesty,

the honesty. I just want somebody to be honest with me. You know so many times I've gone through life and been like, well, if you all hated that boyfriend, why didn't anyone say anything to me? And they're like, like, you would have listened, And it's like I would have fucking listened. If my sisters had told me, hey, this guy is terrible, like why are you dating him? I would have listened to them. I want the truth. I always want the truth. I don't want any venar. She

I love your retro rage at your sister. It's like, why did you fucking tell me he was an assholt. It's like it's your fault. It's like, you fuckers, because I told my sister. We were all there, but I'm the ring leader of our crew. It was my brother and my sister were in New York. It was some fancy night where I was receiving some award at like the Glamor Awards or something, and we all had a

few drinks and we all looked really pretty. And I looked at my sister and I just flew out of my mouth and I said, you're unhappy and you're a bummer to be around. I said, you haven't been happy for about five years. I think you need to get divorced. And she looked at me, and she looked at my sister, and my sister's like it's true. And she looked at my brother and he's like it's true. And she looked

at all of us and she's like okay. And she went and she drove home the next morning, and she had to fly to Paris for two weeks for some work thing, and she came home and she told her husband they were splitting up and they were getting divorced. And she says to me, always, I didn't know I was acting like that until you told me so when I had my relationship with the aforementioned gentleman, I was just referring to years later. And she didn't say, hey, ho,

you're dating an asshole. I was like, hey, remember when I told you to get divorced and you said that was the most meaningful thing you've ever heard from us. And she said, well, you weren't getting married. I was like, so you were gonna wait until I got married to this asshole to tell me not to marry him. Wow. Anyway, it's important to be honest with people. And I love my sisters. That's the moral of that story. I say, oh, like you know, no, No, is there a hierarchy. Uh,

there's a hierarchy. I'm at the top of it, just because I plan all the vacations and I'm you know, I'm a mover and a shaker. I make things happen. If it were left to them, we wouldn't ever be going on vacation together, you know, Like I organized. I also love the vacations and how you frame your sorority, Like, I love that, Like this is the most important thing. That's Yeah, that's our central focus. Yeah, this is how I figure out. The pecking order is who organized the vacations.

It's great. Yeah, right, it's basically who's got the money, right, Okay, so I have the money, so I'm in charge. I am the youngest, though, of my siblings. Oh my god, what a nightmare, absolutely nightmare for them. Yeah, they're also over me. But yeah, there's a pecking order. But you know, we're all very tight my family. We have a good group, and we all get along, and we all agree on

politics and racial justice. And I don't have any of those like conservative people in my family that I hear so many friends, you know having, So I guess I'm feeling even more gratitude recently of late, you know, with all of the political aspects going on in the world, to have a family that also, like we agree on everything. Yeah, god, I can't even imagine having a super conservative family member and just being able to accommodate their point of view

because you know, everyone is entitled to it. But oh my god, no, I don't want to think about that, I'm having a nice day in your life. What can you tell me has grown out of a personal disaster? I guess my last serious relationship, which now is many years ago, it was pretty hectic and pretty volatile, Like you know, when people bring out the worst in you. We brought out the worst in each other. He certainly

brought out the worst in me. I probably brought out the best in him, but that was really low And I remember thinking, after that relationship, I just want to be untethered, right, I don't want to have the feeling that I've drawn to anyone. I want to be free of men in my life, Like I don't want to be on the verge of something, on the verge of beginning a relationship or on the verge of ending it. Like I wanted to just be in the safe zone, right. And you know a lot of people can interpret that

as being very protective over yourself, which is true. But what was born out of that was like I needed to learn how to be happy without that because I had put so much dependency on that relationship to make

me happy. So when that was taken out of the equation, which was my own decision, but sticking to it and like understanding what it means to go through the pain of a situation without throwing alcohol or drugs or other men at it and sitting in it, because the quickest way to go through emotional trauma is to sit through it, right, And that way you're just getting through it and being

present in the ugliness of your feelings. That was a real testament because my healing happens so much more quickly because I was present about being in pain. God, that's very interesting the idea, because it feels counterintuitive, and I think that's the way that most people think about pain, is that I would do anything then go through it. I would rather stay in my unhappy marriage, I would

rather stay in my borrowing, awful job. I would rather not confront those things that are going to engender pain. So interesting is humans, like way, are constantly looking to avoid pain. It's cool to hear you say that sitting with it and being with it was actually the fastest way to get over it. Yeah, yeah, it is, and

you know, and it is ugly. But you're doing yourself a favor because every time you deflect these injuries, they build up and then they fucking tap you on the shoulder when you're least expecting it, and then you're really out of whack. So when people aren't facing their ugliness head on, you know, you're postponing it. Oh god, do you think it will just catch us up with you? And fect My father used to say that you never run up a bar tub you don't eventually have to pay. Well.

I mean, I don't know about your British people, but you guys probably aren't there with the therapy as we are, because I know you, like, we are all therapied out in America. So oh no, I'm therapied up the wazoo. Well, I mean, Brits are going to therapy now. All my British friends go to therapy. I used to think it was so stupid. I'm like, oh, please, sitting around and talking about myself for hours on end sounds heavenly, I know.

I was like, I do that my whole life, like I can't spend extra time doing that, even I can't. And then you do it and you're like, oh, what a great investment that was, you know what I mean. I'm like, it's like, oh, there, I just took care of college perfect. Now I'm a graduate. I get it. Now I can move through the world in a loving, more kind way. You know. Yeah, I like how to therapists, I asked my amazing therapist. I like, listen, I just want tools. I want practical things that I can do

when ship is melting. So can you please give me these things? And rather than talking about the root of the melting or why we've I guess we've covered that. But he's so good, He's like, yes, this is what you do, and here's an app I'm crazy about him. I'm crazy about a practical approach to like psychological trouble right.

I like a very linear, you know plan. I like to say, okay, it tells me exactly what part of the brain is, is what it functions as, and what I have to do to keep it moving in the right direction. Like scientific answers, not what question would you most like answered? What happens when we die? What do you think happens when we die? I'm not thinking much happened, So that's a bummer. Wait are you hoping that the answer the question is going to be more interesting and

glamorous than like you? I don't think it's anything. I think it's just like dust In Albuquerque. I mean, I just I don't think as much. I'm hoping that I'm wrong and that, you know, we go off into Lala land and decide what we're gonna do next, or if we want to become a bird or a feather or a person. But I doubt that's true. But I do believe in energy and the science behind energy never dies. It just transforms into something else. So when we die,

we're not gone. You know. I have a dead mother and I have a dead brother, and I talked to my dead mom all the time. I talked to my dead mom all the time as well. Do you have a sign for your mom? Oh my god, that's so weird. Whenever I talked to her, a bird flies by. Yeah, that's a common sign, a bird for your mom. Yeah, yeah, that's how they come back. There's all these signs, you know. If you talk to these new a G people, they

talk about like different ways to know. But I was instructed to just pray and talk to my mom and ask her for a sign in the form of mine is an orange. My mom just reminds me of citrus because I love oranges and they're juicy and squeezable, and my mom was juicy and squeezable, and I whenever I asked for an orange, I get one. And I was skiing and whistler this Christmas. I was there for like three months this year because of COVID. I just stayed

there and I skied and skied and skied. And on my birthday there was a little orange at this tree where I stopped to smoke a joint in the middle of the day, I sat down and I saw an orange. You know, I believe in that stuff. I believe in signs and energies, and there's something bigger at play here than any of us will ever know about, you know. But I do hope that it's not over. But I'm sure it is. Well, I think the vanity is going to be over pay but I do. I mean, my

mom died very recently. I still feel so connected to her. But I don't know if that's just the shock of her being gone or if it's actually this tenable energy. But I'd like to think it's that. And why not believe in something, you know, why not believe in it? Because we all know that, you know, manifestation is a real thing too, that is like proven, you know, thinking things into being without being like corny and hokey about it, Like if you're on the train headed in a certain direction,

you're going to get there. So all of it works. And if you believe in stuff, it makes it more true and it makes it more real. Like I saw this thing on Instagram the other day. This guy's brother died when he was twenty seven, and when he was a little kid, he had posed in this like Friedo lay print ad as like a six year old. And right before he died, he sent his brother a picture of him next to the truck, going, remember when I did this, he was murdered. There's only one truck with

that picture on it in all of Israel. I think that's where they live. And on his thirtieth birthday, his brother was driving and the truck passed him. And it's like that could be a coincidence, but it's not. Like I do believe in things like that. You know what I do too. I also it makes me think about you know how when you ask about reincarnation and people always think that they were like an Egyptian pharaoh, Like

I actually love that. No, some people are just remembered by Frieda lay and oranges and birds, and it's very simple, and don't start getting up at d about what you think you were. I really like how fundamentally human freedo lay oranges and birds even though they're Avian. But you know what I mean, Like, I like that. Well. I

also summoned my mother sometimes when I'm meditating. I meditating the morning is usually when I wake up, and I always in like, you know, when I'm really feeling vulnerable or insecure or whatever something that I don't like feeling, I always kind of go like momm you know. And I have this thing if my hands get hot, that means my mom's with me, and if they don't get hot, she's not. More often times than not, I feel her right away, like I feel her, And it's true, I

know when she's there and when she's not. And I would say to you, like, I have a much closer bond with my mother now that she's been gone for fourteen years than I did when she was even here. Wow.

I was talking with someone on the podcast the other day that nobody talks about this relationship that begins with the person you love after that dead, that it grows and it changes and it becomes something else like, that's really interesting that you would say that, because that confirms my belief that you know, it's true, there's evolution even

after their dead. Yeah, yeah, it's definitely true because then we also gain a better understanding of our parents, right, Like we also after they're gone, we start to grow into them more. We start to understand them and where they were coming from totally. I think about my mom, what she was, my age, She had six children, living with my father in New Jersey, who was a used

car dealer. Like, you know, we grew up, we're not even thinking about our parents, like there are their own people, even until we're you know, in our forties and we're like, oh yeah, I wonder what their childhood or their perspective must have been. Like. So imagine how much more you're going to get to know your mom now that she's gone,

because your interest is even peaked tied, you know. Yeah, that's really interesting and you're right that God's I mean, they're just these super human creatures I think when they your mom, but in a way, they become more human when they're dead. Yeah. Okay, So what person, place, or experience has most altered your life? Iouaska, I did aowasca in Peru? Did she with like a guide? I did a guide. It was a special on Netflix. It's called Chelsea Does Drugs. Oh my god, I've got to watch that.

Oh yeah, you've got to. It's so good. So I went to Peru. I brought two friends and we did I had a shaman. It was, you know, very professional. We were filming it for Netflix. I did this whole docuseries about things I knew nothing about. Did they fill me throwing up from the ayahuasca? Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's on there. Jesus. So they were like, Okay, you're going to Peru and you're gonna ship your pants possibly and vomit. And I was like, Hi, I'm so down

with that. I'm like, i am not going to ship my pants because I'm not a beginner. I'm an advanced drug user and I will not blow up a good time. So I went down there my two friends. They were wrecked, like they had such intensely emotional experiences that I couldn't even get high the first time because I had to take care of my friends. Like they were having a really hard time bawling, vomiting, and in my high just

kind of got muted. The next night, the shaman was like, hey, you can have all these people around you, gotta ship your pants tonight tonight, And yeah, I'm gonna get you to ship your pants tonight is the night, sister, and so I was like, oh fuck. So I do ayawaska alone with him, and we're in a room with less camera crew. Everything's a little bit more stage. He gave me a double shot this time, and I had the most intense psychedelic experience. And I've done all psychedelics, this

was different. This is a spiritual healing drug. So you basically are shot out of your life. You are able to look down at your life like you're looking down at yourself, and it gives you all that It's like a fantasmagoria of imagery from your childhood. For me, it was me on the beach with my sister and Martha's vineyard, us and kayaks flipping each other over, like playing out real scenes in like flashes, you know, like an iPod shuffle.

So it was like flashes of imagery. And then there was a bathing suit that she was wearing, which was the real bathing suit that she wore, like the real memories that are so repressed in your memory bank that you never think of them. But like, my childhood dog was running on the beach with us, and I was like, oh, there's Mutley and I'm like, oh my god, this is crazy. These are real memories. And it was this voice, and

it was just saying, your sister is your sister. There is no one that has known you in the way that your sister has known you. You have to treat her with kindness. She is not you. You want attention and you are loud. That's not what she wants. Stop trying to make her into something she isn't. And it was as clear as day because I just didn't understand my sister. She wanted to live in New Jersey and be a housewife and raise her two kids, and like

I wanted her to be something that she wasn't. And she wanted to be a wife, and she wanted to have kids, and she wants to live in the suburbs. That's her. And I had always kind of projected my own ambition onto her and been displeased with her lack of ambition or lack of drive. And it was in that moment I was like, oh my god. It was

literally like a serious therapy session. It's really interesting how consciously your sister's your north star and the thing that defines love for you, and also in your subconscious under hallucinogenic drugs, they are also your north star and the place of love and what you're being asked to explore. I mean that's some pretty deep comic relationship right there. Yeah, yeah, wow, that was a good analysis. Many but it's true. I like what you said. I think that makes a lot

of sense. Yeah. Why wouldn't the subconscious be married to the conscious? Right obviously? So wait, but did you share your pants? No? I never shot my parents. The shom and shut his pants actually twice during my own ceremony, and didn't get up to go to the bathroom. So I was like, excuse me, So I think you need to go to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure you need to go. I couldn't believe this guy just don't think. I just don't think I could ever do it because

of that. I just can't. I just can't get my head around how there can be a spiritual experience attached ship. I was more worried about the vomiting because I really do not like to vomit really, Oh, I could do that because I don't like the feeling of being nauseous. But with the Ayawaska, it wasn't like that. It was more for me. It was intense. You were sick, and it came out right away, and that was it. I threw up once and I was done, and then I

felt fine. It's interesting you would put yourself in the situation of not being in control, Chelsea, because that is also clearly evident that you marshal your life around you. Why did you want to go and do ayawaska? Like what was it that you were looking for? Well, no one had done it at that point on camera, and I had, you know, I was doing a docuseries for Netflix, and I just thought, I'm really open to drugs because

I have such a pulty disposition. I don't get crazier or emotional or fucked up, like I usually respond to everything pretty well, and I go into it with like, you know, a positive outlook, like I'm gonna have a good time, this is gonna be a learning experience. And I don't operate out of fear. And I think that makes a big difference about doing drugs. If you're fearful, the results are not going to be great. And you can't fake not being fearful. If you're fearful, you are.

But if that is controlling your experience, then you're not going to have a good time, you know. I wanted to do ayahuasca because it was something that kind of did scare me, because I just was like, oh, this seems like eight hours of vomiting, and then there's all this kind of snake imagery that is affiliated with it, and I'm really I have a phobia of snakes. So I thought, oh, I can kind of address my phobia.

Maybe I'll like have to fucking get it all out of my system and I won't be scared of snakes. It turns out nothing about snakes happened for me, So it was all about your sister's nice snakes, right, Love, I can't believe that we've come to the end. I love you so much. I've really did love you too, Honey. I appreciate you and thank you so much. I'll see

you soon. Yeah, I'll see you soon, all right. Dannan Chelsea has a podcast called Dear Chelsea, where she answers listeners questions with advice that is both arius and accurate and also maybe not what the person asking the question was expecting. Her New HBO Max Special Evolution is also now streaming. Mini Questions is hosted and written by Me Mini Driver, supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research

assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver, additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by Me Mini Driver. Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella and Annique Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador, Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support, Henry Driver