Alan Cumming

one of these. I'm on the fucking pinball machine in it. There you are, Oh my god, on the I'm underneath you. Okay, Alan, I can't even believe it. I can't believe that you have the pimball to do. The Other thing about that film is that it's a video game. I didn't know about that until years later. And I had an assistance called Landing at the time, and who I said, Landon, I'm in a video game. He was like, yeah, I know. If you pissed me off, I go home and shoot

you in the balls. Hello, I'm Mini Driver and welcome to many questions I've always loved prus questionnaire. It was originally an eighteenth century parlor game meant to reveal an individual's true nature. But with so many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. So I took the format of Pruce's questionnaire and adapted What I think are seven of the most important questions you could ever ask someone. They are when and where were you happiest?

What is the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most? What would be your last meal? And can you tell me something in your life that has grown out of a personal disaster. The more people we ask, the more we begin to see what makes

us similar and what makes us individual. I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I am honored and humbled to have had a chance to engage with. My guest today is Alan Coming. He is an actor in movies like X Men and in the TV show The Good Wife. He is an author, He has an O b E, and he has a podcaster. He's also an articulate, powerful voice in and for the LGBTQ community, and he's been my friend for thirty years. We made the short

film together called That Sunday in the early nineties. It's worth having a dig and finding it if you can, along with the film Circle of Friends and then Gold and I. I had a hard time not constantly interrupting and finishing his sentences in this interview, largely because my brain likes to go down the same pathways as Alan's, which is to say, off the main road and deep into glorious woodland. He is a deep and generous soul and has a way of sharing the painful parts of

his past with great compassion and great humor. What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well? Is it you and me encircle or friends? What did they call you? Again? Yea? What did it you call me? I can remember holder, I can see it, remember, says in a bit of the Succulent Bird. But that wasn't about talking about the chicken. What do you think? As I was loading? But at the end, I say something awful to you. He called me something bit and I can't rememberd it? Yeah? Yeah,

But back to love, unconditional love. I think with Grant Schaeffer, my husband upstairs, not that I've got another one downstairs, but you know what I mean, I was going to say, show me the one on the basement. I feel I've reached a point with him after so long where it's you know, it pisces me off. But I just feel this completely solid, true thing that I just can't imagine

we can get over anything. Does that define love for you, that notion of solid unconditional love, unconditional love it, yes, I think, yeah, because I have no matter what happens, I'm going to have this love right, no matter the circumstances, the vagaries of the circumstance in life exactly. But then, actually, what I would say is more unconditional love is my relationship with dogs. So I've got La Lah and Jerry upstairs, and I'm very attached to La La, and prottached them both.

But you know, I think I'm more of a special relationship with La La. And I had my dog Honey before that. There's a sort of statue of her over there on a little deck. Who was my longest adult relationship. I mean, like Grant has now superseded her, but she was the longest relationship I had through thick and thin, terrible things in my life. That was a true, unconditional love. And I talked about her all the time. Actually she's

she's sort of very pleasant in our life. And then she's in the portrait of me at the Scottish National Portrait Girl that is she's referenced the one that replaced the queen. Yes, and replaced the queen. I love that your portrait replaced the queen. They brought the queen. Let the queen was blanket over there, taken into somebody, put the queen down and they put another clean up in set your queen jokes here. They moved me around the last time. I think I was in between Tilda Swinton

and Nanny Lennox. So that's a nice sandwich. Oh my god, that's the best sandwich ever. But but Honey's in that portrait. But she's yes, because she died just before I got painted and the guy was asking me about things. So there's a little jar beside me and it says honey on it in a picture. Oh my god, it's ashes. No, No, it's just a jar. I just put it into the picture. Ashes are upstair. I was gonna say, was it her ashes that just said honey? No, actually was a jar

of honey. Yes, it's the jar Fanny, but it says honey on it, and then it says yes, yes, yes, Because I was really sad about this Scotch independence thing

had gone the wrong way. What was hilarious was I'm wearing this kilt around my neck in the portrait and it was unveiled at the Scott's National Portragarity in the big main place to take the queen down, you know, and it's all posh and everyone's having drinks and this film true because they're filming it for that sky Portrait Artist of the Year thing, and that say a few words. I said, Oh, it's so exciting because this tartan the

killed him wearing. It's the official tartan of the Yes campaign for independence and never it was all this clinking of glasses of the of the old unionists in the room, and it was such such a great thing for me, like to know that in that painting ways will be there forever. Not only is little honey reference, but this subversive little message that I managed to get in. But yes, when I realized she was going to die, before me. I remember just thinking, what honey's in my life. She's

my sort of girlfriend. And I just remember when someone sort of said some of the reference about her dying and I thought, oh my god, she's a dog. Yes, she dogs die before you. She's going to die, and it's such a weird thinks. I so thought of her as like a human relationship. How much sort of time I took to think about her and the way she featured in my life and the decisions had to make because of her. It was very much like having an actual person. I totally understand that you've got to what's

his name down on you look at your feet. Okay, well Bob. Bob's a difficult soul and I have closes this. He's not listening. He's a bit deaf. Anyway, the true great love of my life was my labrador Bubba, who had for seventeen years, who died in my arms, and he was the greatest precursor to having a child, particularly having a son. And there's a lot of similarities, like if anyone wants to have a road test having a

baby boy, get a labrador. Right. They just want to be loved, functus, They want to eat, They jump around a lot and need exercise, and you need to go to sleep when they do. That's it, right, it's the same practocol. I always think people should have a dog first when they're thinking about Remember Rachel Vice, we were chatting. She said to Grant, do you have children? You went, well, we have two dogs and Bubba, and they're the conversation about dogs for a bit, and then he said to

about you. Rachel went, well, I have a human child. I don't bless you if I entertaining these two old queers who are just talking about their dogs, and you have to remind us that your child, as they humans, very very respectful to qualify that it was a human child, so as to not denigrate your fur babies. Yeah, I hate fur babies though. I hate that way. I hate it. It's like it's hashtag blessed lives in the same space.

And also like when the Honey died and people said, oh, they'll meet them at the Rainbow No they fucking want Yeah, I want to dynamite that ship. I hate that me too, it snow Rainbow Bridge. I do sometimes see Bubba when I'm in a soul cycle class, though, like he's running beside me on the stationary bike. It's really weird. Wow, a sort of fever of sweat, and so it feels exactly cultish. It's totally cultish. It's amazing, and I can

imagine you're getting into a reverie. It's like it's like being in a really sweaty cult with their motivational speaker at the helm of this ship. And I think you do go into a bit of a trance and then you start seeing your dead dog. This is my favorite question, what would be your last nail? I would have still? These stories is an old Scottish thing. I guess it's because it's on the store. It's like supposed to be when you're drinking. You leave it there and you're going

you have a little some stories. It's potatoes and onions, meat. I do a vegan version. It's delicious. It's just the most carb starchy thing, so delicious. I put guardic and other things and so sor and blah blah blah. See I'm I really think I'm a peasant. I really it's so interesting. I discovered recently I'm part of Portuguese. I did that thing you sent off. I'm six percent Portuguese. Oh that's quite a lot, is it. I had no idea.

I'm a little bit sort of German, and there was a few percentage of there, but you know, mostly Scottish and north of England. I'm literally an Anglo saccon like I basically was either one of the people that the Vikings came and found who already lived here, a bit of picked, a bit picked. I have nothing exotic in me at all, unless i'm you know, drinking tequila. That's the most exotic I get something interesting in me. How funny? I love that I was a little more saucy than

I thought, but mostly you know, white Scottish boy. But the thing was, I'm very much a peasant. I really feel very peasantee and I know that I am from sort of peasants stock and my father's side of the family too. Are you utter complete peasants, some of who could play musical instruments, and so we're musical peasants. Musical peasants. I love that. That's a good band. Where you going? So you're a peasant? So what does that mean? You

like eating? So my dad's family all worked and lived on kod Or estate for generations like on the farms or in the forestry. My dad was a forester. And then what was hilarious is that if you go to Quota Castle you look up on the wall there's a portrait of me. Seriously, it looks at me in a period film. It's insane. And when it was open to the public in about the nineties something or whatever, people send me this postcard to the sense of what the hell.

And then I thought, wait a minute, maybe there was some dabbling below stairs, because I mean, of course that I so much like that man who was like the first day of Cord or something, so actually you think that you are an aristocrat of peasant stock. But there was dabbling blow stairs. And if I could just get one of the Cord families chunk of their hair and do it, I would be able to prove. But I don't think I want to do that. Yeah, we need to go to a few more parties and like steal

some whiskey glasses. Hilarious. I'm sorry, duchess. It was always that that thing about member they were trying to get Prince Hattie's people was trying to steal bits of Prince Hattie's hair. I felt it was happening a nightclub. I think my brother was working the door and some yeah, somebody was trying to sort of snip Harry's hair. Can imagine pull off and no wonder he's gone to California. I mean, seriously, man, quick, get back to the first food.

Because of my peasant thing, I food that is one ball of the same thing. Like you know, if you have too many different options that you've got, like you know, lots of vegetables, and it's too overwhelming for me. I don't like it. I like to mush them all together, and I like to eat things with a spoon. It's that I love more than anything, the feeling of having the same taste again and again I'm eating it with a spoon. That's what I would do. I suppose it's

very like baby food. It's probably going back to there's like there's seven ages of man. But that's what my last meal would be, stub. It's very safe then, it feels very primal that and also understandable. Something that is in one ball comforting. It's comforting, do you know what I mean? I get confused in part restaurants sometimes. I mean I've been undone by like a foam on top of something good. God saved me from phone. It looks it looks like it looks like fish spit. I can't

do it. I agree with you. I like a bowl and there's a confashionable now you know they're on the menu, like a bowl. Would you like the the ancient grain bowl? Yes, that's right, there's the Buddha Bao halls and things. Do this make you happy? Yeah? Like those? And I think I'm more in the Asian thing as well. Like you know, I loved I made a film in Australian. They had coranji for breakfast, which is like poor ridge, and then you put all these things in it. I love. That's

my dream. God, that is delicious. I like poke balls in a like in in Hawaii pookeyboard. Yes, yes, I lived there for a while and I a lot. What did it in Hawaiian? I left Hollywood. I left Hollywood. I hated it, and nobody not just started left because I had all like I had like two films come out the year that I went and lived in Hawaii. Um, it was quite funny. I went there just to write music and to surf and to live on the beach

and hang out. Gosh, I made a film there, that tempest film that Julie Timore's right, Marin was was prosperal prosperer and were it was just so hilarious, like being in the hot tub with like Chris Cooper and David Strath there and Tom Conti and Russell Brand and you know, practicing our lanes for the next day in the hot tub of the Four Seasons and in that funny lit Leyland camera. It's quite a long time. I went back and forward a bit. Such a hoot though, love, Okay,

what question would you most like answered? I mean, I think it would have to be what was wrong with my father? What it was? The true mental diagnosis of him? You know. I think I think maybe ten years ago and said why did my father not love me? And I've got over that one, you know, as I found out all there's evidence about him, you know, I came to the conclusion not just that he's insane an awful, but he just was mentally ill. And I would love

to get proper diagnosis. And I never will because I was I can't examine him or have seen anyone examine him, But that to me is something I would really love to have answered just what it actually was that made him behave the way he did. Do you think that if a person can give something a name it can be understood better, does it stay nebulous and therefore threatening if you can't contain it with the world. I think it's just the thing of it takes it outside of

your experience. It makes it something that has exists in the world that wasn't just about you, you know, So perhaps that is what you're saying. And I've talked to psychiatrists about this, you know. I have actually spent quite a lot of time trying to diagnose my father from beyond the great personality disorders that you clearly had. But there's more, and I just I don't know quite why and when, you know, when what kicked it in And because something that was such a big part of my life,

that is kind of a mystery. And I've definitely made peace of that, and I understand truly that he was mentally ill, and I've made it easier to to come to terms with and to forgive, and to sort of not too much to forgive that was easy, but to sort of place what happened to me in a context that I can get myself out of it. But obviously I'm never going to have an proper answer. So that's that's that would be the thing I would like the answer to. Yeah, I'm sorry you won't have the answer

that question. I hope that the exploration or the interrogation of what it might be. I hope that there were enough people that said the same thing that I've given you a good idea of what it might have been. Definitely, there's you know, narcissistic disorders, psychotic personality, there's there's all these things. But you know, you can't really do that just on one person's memory. You have to getting a

bit deeper. So it's so interesting to me. I always I'm really fascinated by the various sort of little psychological quirks we all have. And I think that's maybe because, you know, from such an early age, I was so aware of it. I was so aware of them. I was aware that my dad was not right from and not right as in wrong as well as being not right psychologically. I had a very good sort of balance between my mom and my dad, so I knew they

both couldn't be right. And also, I you know, I hate to see it but I think that's also why I am quite a good actor, as that I can understand get into sort of people's psychological quirks because I'm aware of the difference. You know, I see it. So yeah, I just used to looking for it. What person, place, or experience most altered your life? Again, I'm going to

see my father. I know, I keep the sort of bringing it back there, but no, no, no, it's good because you wrote a book about your experiences with your father. And someone very early on said to me, when I not drawing a comparison between an abusive childhood and heartbreak, but I was suffering tear me from a heartbreak and I wrote a record and a musician that I love said, oh, yeah, you know, wherever possible, you should profit off your pain.

Whatever that well is of your of your father, that he that he would be the question that you would want answered that it's the person who altered or affected your life so much. They are connected those questions for you. So yeah, exact actually, and also it's sort of you know, in positive ways as well. I mean, like what's really been fascinating as right after we made Circle of Friends, actually, I had this nervous breakdown. It was basically because I realized, oh,

I'm this person. I'm alannaha, happy Allen, not not terribly different from how I am now. I mean into this on the surface, but I was a construct of something my father done that I had not remembered. So I thought, I've become this person by ignoring, you know, suppressing this whole side of these things that happened to me. I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to embrace this terrible thing's happened to me to become the person I'm supposed to be. So that was a huge

thing he influenced me. He got completely changed my life. And then when he told me I wasn't his son, that was pretty huge. And and then the ability to go back and talk to him and tell him I was indeed his son. After I got the day Natist and everything. You know, things like that are monumental moments that really changed you in terms of like I stood up to the scariest possible monster I could stand up to.

I'm now fearless, and then writing about it and realizing that actually how important it is and how many people's lives I changed by telling my story and helped them to be able to deal with things in there. I had no idea that would happen. That was such a shocker to me. And then also to realize that I've by doing that, I have brought my father back into my life in a way that he never was before. So I didn't push him away like I thought. I actually brought him in. But as you said, it's on

my terms. So it's been a series of things like that has really truly primarily changed me, and all of them actually are positive things. I mean, the actual stuff before, you know, the childhood was awful, but actually as an adult, the huge sort of cataclysmic things that happened were ultimately very very positive things for me because it was about me coming my true, authentic self and not a construct of something he had made me. Oh, Johnny is so articular.

Bless you, But I mean, I'm sorry there's things happen to you. But it's feed into the last question that I have. It's very revealing in your life. Can you tell me about something that has grown out of a personal disaster? Well, yes, me, my entire body I grew

out of a personal Yeah. I mean I think I would say several relationships that are broken up, like a married a couple of marriages, you know, the sort of thing that we're when as in them definitely be described as personal disasters when they were breaking up, and just the sort of the sort of ugliness of all that. But actually, you know, getting older and looking back on things and seeing the patterns, you notice the patterns of

behavior of yours as well as other people's. That gives you an opportunity to make a decision about are you going to behave differently now in this when this happens, or you know, are you going to make the same mistake or or maybe this is a good pattern to repeat. That to me is really fascinating. But there's definitely a couple of relationships that I've had that ended with a

personal disaster and beautiful things came out. But like I think about talking circle friends anything like Saffon and Ize relationship, it's such a beautiful, strong, loving friendship. I really feel that you know, and she knows this too, that we would be there for each other until we die. You know, we were together as a couple for a couple of years and that didn't work out. It worked out for a while, but then it didn't and actually something so

much better has come out of it. So there's a couple of people in my life that I feel like that about. It's kind of funny that I quite a lot of my very close friends I've been my lovers. Really yeah, quite a lot. Yeah, too many actually when you think about it. But I mean not in the same way like with saf was like we were in

a proper relationship together. But you know, several of my friends more in the gay world, as several of my male friends, I've had sex and at some point in the past, you know, first and then we stayed friends. And I think that's really good. I think it's really good. I think it's lovely. I think it's lovely. I think it's quite unusual. I can count on one hand the people that have been lovers that are friends. Yeah, it's tricky, it's truly. I think it's I think it is easier

in the same sex relationship. Actually, do you want Yeah, because I think sex is easier in general actually in the same sex relationship, yes, because you understand the person, like ergonomically or spiritually, spiritually. I mean yeah, well so I sort of both because you are the same gender as that person, you automatically understand more things about how that person works. Thanks and thanks and fields. And also I think there and therefore you can be more honest

with that person. There's not such a barrier of agenda. And also, you know, men and women are fed so much ship that makes it more difficult for them to communicate. True, you know, it's so true. We ardiculate. We are raised on a completely and utterly different social, psychic and mental food. Yeah. Yeah, and impossible to keep up standards. And so anyway, I think it's easier to be honest with the person of your own sex, and it's easier to move on from sex with a person of your own sex as well,

I do. I mean that's your well, look at lesbians take a joke, but when you see a group of friends who are lesbians, they've all slept each other at some point, and they're all great friends, and they're all god mothers to their children. And I think it's it's that's a case in point that you can move on from and still keep a loving thing, whereas with men and women it's over and that's many years later. You

can come back as a sort of thing. But I don't think there's the same sort of illigion into great friendship that that can happen in the same sex relationship. Sadly, sadly, Oh God, I could talk to you for like, I'm gonna have to come as soon as we're all aloud. I'm going to come find you in your remote location. I'd glad you to come here. Oh my God, I will come. I'll bring I'll come. I'll come play some music. If you've got piano, bring my guitar. Yeah, we've got

it all. We've got it all. This has been fun. Thanks many, I've a really enjoyed this. I'm really fascinated and so grateful You've just shared your heart and your life so generously. Thank you, my pleasure very much. All right, let's love to you. In closing, I would like to make you aware of some projects that Alan has coming up.

I think my particular favorite is a six part podcast series for Audible about a sperm bank heist that he produced and directed called Hot White Heist, starring Saturday Night Lives, Bow and Yang, along with an ensemble of amazing people including Cynthia Nixon, Abby Jacobson, Jane Lynch, and Margaret show He also has a show for Apple TV coming in July called Shmigadoon, and another show for HBMX also coming in July called The Prince. He is the busiest men

in show business? Quite right? Me Many Questions is hosted and written by Me Mini d. Driver, supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by a Mini Driver, additional music by Aaron Kaufman.

Executive produced by Me and man Gesh Hetty Cador. Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella and Annique Oppenheim at w kPr de La Pescadore, Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support Henry Driver