¶ Meeting Claudia Noriega Bernstein
Welcome to MindShift Power Podcast , the world's only podcast built to empower the next generation . I'm your host , Fatima Bey the MindShifter , because shaping tomorrow's world starts with conversations we have today and welcome , welcome everyone . Today we have with us Claudia Noriega Bernstein . She is out of Nevada in the United States .
She's a life coach and the host of Don't Shrink to Fit podcast . She is originally from Peru and a powerhouse woman who I can't wait to talk to you . How are you today , Claudia ?
I am so happy to be here with you because I know this conversation is going to be juicy .
It will be Absolutely so . I'd like to dive right into it . So tell the listeners something . Tell the listeners about you .
I am originally from Peru . You're correct . I was born there and raised there . When I was very young somebody very close to my family , not very young like a child , but when I was a young teenager , I was very much in love with somebody and I thought my life was going to be like the fairy tales that we watch or read about .
And somebody close to my family had something with this person and broke my heart and after that I really lost every desire to fall in love , follow love and I kind of was pushed into a marriage that was extremely abusive for five years . I got pregnant and after that
¶ Escaping Abuse and Starting Over
he was very violent with me . I lost the baby and I ran away and I came to the United States to start over . I didn't want that life for me anymore . I didn't really have anything left in me as far as self-esteem or love for myself , but somehow there was a little light in my soul that was telling me there is more for you you can't stay here .
So I came to the states and I started over . I met the father of my kids . I got married with him four months later and I think I got married . Mostly I wasn't in love with him and he knew it , but I was in so much need to feel loved and for kindness and for laughs and for companion that that was enough .
Love wasn't in the table and that was okay . I ended up falling in love with him . We had a happy marriage for almost six years , have three daughters . But then , you know , he made some choices that were not aligned with me and he kind of brought me back to that place where I was before you know , that place . That not enough , not worthy of .
And so I left him . And it was very hard because at that moment , you know , you look around and you see the house , the cars , the clothes , the purses and everything and you're like I mean , I can look the other way , nobody's going to know .
But I knew , I knew and I had to look at myself in the mirror and I have three little girls and I have to love myself , or at least learn to love myself , so I can teach those girls to do the same and not follow my footsteps at that point of my life , but create a different narrative , a different story , a different happy ending .
And that's what I did . I put my big girl shoes and started working and started creating what I believed was meant for me . And at the beginning I didn't believe it , but I trusted that there was something more for me and I kept on going and little by little , I created the life that I have now .
What was the bridge between I don't believe in myself to I'm going to try .
I think it was more the reason , not the bridge . I didn't want my girls to have my story . I didn't want my girls to grow up thinking they have to be a work for love . Be somebody . I grew up being the good girl . My mom wanted me to be Whatever in her head that was .
I believe that in order for me to receive that love , I needed to be that person . And when I came to realize that I was very unhappy , that I felt broken , that I felt that I didn't even have a purpose , I turned around to look at my girls and that was my fuel .
That was what kept me going day after day after day , every day that I didn't think I had what it take . I would look at them and I said , okay , I'm not doing it for me , I'm doing it for them . Now I do it for me . Now I know it's not selfish to put the mask on me first , the oxygen mask .
Now I know that I'm worthy of everything that is available for me . Now I know my enoughness and I truly believe that when you know your value , you stop giving discounts . You just stop . You say no , I am going to set my boundaries and this is not going to happen to me again . I am not going to allow it and I am meant for more .
And you really have to have that belief and even the days that you have doubt , you got to trust the process and know that God has your agenda and he didn't bring us here to suffer . He didn't bring us to allow people to hurt us .
So if you're in that situation , you need to really look at yourself in the mirror and say is this the life that I'm supposed to live ? No , okay , am I scared ? Yes , shedless scared , but I'm going to keep on going because I know that at the end of the tunnel there's going to be the light .
What I just heard , what I grabbed from what you said . One of the things I grabbed from what you just said is that it wasn't a feeling , it was a decision . It wasn't a feeling .
Feelings will follow your decision and what you just explained that's one of the biggest things I heard out of it , because people feel scared , they feel unworthy and that's not going to go away overnight , but the decision to overcome it and the decision to move on beyond it is what the feelings will follow later .
You agree , yes , and you know what , excuse me . You start collecting evidence . You start collecting evidence that you are in the right path . Even if they are tiny little steps forward . You collect evidence and that evidence becomes that fuel , that bridge that will bring you to the other side .
So we're here today to talk about women who are shrinking themselves or silenced , not speaking up . There are many different ways we could word it . What does a silenced woman look like ? What are the signs ?
¶ Breaking Generational Patterns
I think a silent woman , and I'm just going to describe myself because I was very much . What are the signs ? Think that she has something to bring to the table . She thinks that nobody's going to believe her , nobody's going to listen . What would I try ? Are you kidding me what everybody's going to think of me ? I just better be quiet .
I should withdraw and listen and obey and just be what other people want me to be , because if I don't make waves , if I don't show up big , if I don't make noise , then people are going to like me better and I'm not going to have any conflict .
That's a silent woman , but behind all that , that , you see , is a belief that she's not enough and that she's not worthy of more .
Yes . So why is the silent woman a bad thing ? The woman you just described ? What's wrong with that ? So she's obedient , she falls in place , she conforms to what society says she's supposed to be , what her parents taught her that you don't speak up and you fall into place . What's wrong with that ?
Well , I think the main reason why we are that way and you see a lot of that in South America . I'm from Peru and I grew up seeing my mother and my grandmother and my aunts . They believe they're supposed to have the burnt toast . They inherit roles . They believe that the expectations are passed down through generations and that's all you can aspire to be .
We learn how to navigate love , how to sacrifice , how to stay silent . We learn that from other generations . So again , why are we going to make noise ? Why are we going to show up different ? This is how it's supposed to be . So just be quiet and do what you're told to do , and that's that .
And I , as a man , I'm going to provide for you and I'm going to give you a house and you're going to be taken care of , and your job is taking care of me , having kids and be quiet . Now , a lot has changed in the last years , of course , in the last decades , you know .
But there's still people my generation , my age , that went to school with me that have the same beliefs , the same limited beliefs , and they don't feel they have the right to have a career , to follow a dream , to make something that they always wanted a reality , because they were programmed to think that that's not for them and that's it .
And the problem here is that they pass that down to their kids . So then you have another generation with those limited beliefs . Now we can honor the journey of our ancestors and learn from their mistakes and have a different life , but we don't see that as an option .
And if you see your cousin , your aunt , your neighbor having that same lifestyle , how are you going to empower yourself to be the one making the difference ? Just stay put , because that's what is expected . That's the sad part of it . You are not strong enough to break those patterns , or you don't feel that's better .
You don't feel you're strong enough to break those patterns .
But what's wrong with staying there ? What damage does that mindset do to the woman who holds it ?
You shrink into fit , you will never know your potential , you will never achieve those dreams and you will never really know what being happy and joyful and fulfilled and accomplished feels like . You don't have that . You won't get that evidence because you're afraid . That's the problem . They're afraid , they're afraid to show up , oh my goodness . And you know what .
And society
¶ Signs of a Silenced Woman
also labels you . Because if you are that woman that is a go-getter , that wants to have a business , that wants to be successful , then it's like , oh , I wonder what she did to get there . Sometimes , we women are our worst enemies because we cannot do it . So then , instead of empowering that other woman that is breaking the glass ceiling , we judge her .
Why is she doing that ? I wonder who helped her . I wonder what she had to do to get there . Instead of saying good for you , girl , I'm following your footsteps . I want that too . Thank you for giving me the courage . Thank you for showing me what's possible for me .
Yes .
So that's exactly what the mind shift happens when you understand that that is also possible for you . You just need to want it bad enough .
I'm going to piggyback off of some of what you said One of the other things that is harmful . Well , I asked you specifically how is it harmful to the woman ? But I'm going to add to it how it's harmful to the society that they're in .
When you have women who are silent , who are full of potential , full of intelligence , full of life , full of ideas , full of innovations , when they shut up , our whole society suffers because now the cure for cancer is not being found . The next invention is going to have to wait another hundred years because we shut up Maria , and Maria had the answer .
When women shrink to fit , we all suffer because now that great potential in them has been stuffed into a tiny little box that they don't really fit in . It hurts all of us , not just the woman .
But we allow it , and that's the sad part of it . Let me tell you something real fast . When I was 21 years old , I wrote my first book and that book was published by somebody else because he was a man , and he convinced me that nobody's going to read this .
I mean , you're a girl and you're too young , you know it's yours , you should be proud , but nobody's going to buy this . I mean , you're a girl and you're too young , you know it's yours , you should be proud , but nobody's going to buy it . If you publish it and he published it my work . But here's the thing I allow it .
Yeah , I allow that person to do it . You know how many times I have trunk to fit .
That's what my show is called Don't Shrink to Fit because , I had to remind myself over and over again that I will never shrink to fit again , that I will never take somebody else's beliefs as mine , that I will create my own beliefs and that I am capable to create the life , that I want beliefs and that I am capable to create the life that I want .
I don't need somebody else to create it for me . I don't need somebody else to tell me if I can or I cannot . I know I believe I can . That's when everything shifted my life .
Yes . So if a young woman is listening to you right now and she's currently living that shrinking to fit life , how can she get out of ?
that shrinking to fit life . How can she get out of that ? I think it's very important who you hang out with Having a tribe that empower you , not to push you down . That empower you . Go and get resources , educate yourself , learn , be a sponge , encourage your community to embrace that , create sisterhoods that can
¶ Finding Your Supportive Tribe
empower you . Every time you find a wall in the middle of the road and you feel , okay , this is it , this is where I stop . No , no , no , you can do it . Keep on going . When we lead by example , we show the other women what's possible for them , and I think one of the most important thing that we can do as women is listen .
Listen to other women , allow them to express themselves , get curious about what they want , because , you don't know , maybe you have an advice for them or maybe that story is going to empower you . So listen to the women in your life . Go talk to your grandma . Find out what dreams she had , how come she didn't make them true .
How come ?
she didn't go after them . What stopped her ? Learn Don't just put a cross , you know , on those characters in your life and say , no , I don't want to be like her , and that's that . Nuh-uh , get curious . Go find out why she didn't do it . Because she had the same tools that you have . So what stopped her ?
And how many more tools you can have in your toolbox so you don't end up like her ?
That's some pretty powerful stuff . Yeah , find out why they didn't live out their dreams so that you can learn . You can learn from other people's mistakes . All of us can . All of us can , and if you can watch other people , what works for them ?
But I think the most powerful thing I'm not sure if you could say anything more powerful is watch who you hang out with . It's a sentiment that I'm constantly preaching . Our surroundings are so important .
Find your tribe , your supportive tribe , your means of support , because it is very difficult to get out of that mode If you have an auntie and a mother who are living shrunken and they want you to shrink too , because it's all they know and you want to rise up out of that . But your auntie and your mom are the closest ones to you .
That's when you need to branch out and get other people around you who can show you a better way , who can help to uplift you .
And what do you know ? Maybe you're going to inspire them . Maybe there is no age to create a dream or to fulfill a dream . Maybe you're going to inspire them . Maybe you're going to inspire them . Maybe your mom at 50-something watches you breaking those rules and say , hey , I want that too .
I'm going to go to school , I'm going to open my little shop in the corner , I'm going to do things that I wanted to do . She can do it , I can do it . We inspire . We cannot make anybody do anything , but we can inspire them , yes , and we can show up big so they see the possibilities , not the probabilities , the possibilities that are available for them .
That's how you show up big , secure , and you enroll them into that vision that you have , because that vision is not just for you . That vision is for everyone around you and especially for the next generations . That's how you break that cycle . It stops with you , it stops right there . No more . No more being silenced when you are abused at home .
No more being silenced when they tell you you're stupid . No more being silenced when they make you believe that you're not worthy of whatever it is that you want . Stops with you , but you got to believe it .
So I want you to take a moment to talk to . Actually , I'm going to back up a little bit because I think we should address this and make sure that we're giving people realistic advice for the reality they're going to deal with .
When a woman who has been shrunken , who's been told to be shrunken , the expectations of everybody around her is her silence and obedience , Will it make waves when she tries to climb out the box ?
Yes , that's exactly what happened and that's what we , when we are in that place , we're afraid of .
We don't want to make noise . We don't want to be the squeaky wheel .
We want to be the good girls we are taught to be . You see , when you're little , as a little girl , you're watching , right , you're watching how your mom is , how your grandma is , how your dad is . And let me tell you something about the men .
There is some men that are so caught up in the way they think they should be that they're not open for anything else . But then there are other men that will see your potential and will get curious with you and will want to learn a little more . So I don't want to categorize like all men in South America are machistas .
You know it's not everybody that are machistas . You know that is not everybody . But I think that a lot also has to do with the role they inherit . You see , the father inherited to the son , the mother inherited to the daughter . So they grew up thinking that is how it's supposed to be .
It takes one person , one person in the village , to say no , I'm not doing that , I'm not getting married at 17 . I'm not going to just have kids and be at home . I want something else , for somebody else in the same circle to start getting curious to and start wanting the same thing .
Yes .
But one person had to start . You know , and as I said before , not everybody is going to embrace it , but that's okay .
Exactly , exactly , yeah , what I'm saying is it's going to make waves . It's going to make some people uncomfortable , because people would rather be uncomfortable than make room for change . And this is true with a lot of things , not just what we're talking about .
So when you decide to unbox yourself , you know , woman , and you decide to rise up and allow your voice to be heard , there are going to be people who are absolutely going to tell you to shut the hell up and sit down , don't . You're making them uncomfortable . That's not your fault and that's not your problem . That's theirs . They're unwilling to move .
You know , I had a client once that came to me because I coach moms . I'm an inner abundance coach and I coach moms and I coach mom because I'm passionate about it and I've been in those shoes and I know how long I shrunk to fit and I want to empower them . So this woman called me and complained about everything that was happening to her in her life .
There was no possibility of happening for her , because sometimes you want to tell them okay , listen , god is sending you a lot of signs here . You're just refusing to see him , okay . So
¶ Self-Healing and Setting Boundaries
she comes and she tells me everything . My husband is this and my kids don't talk to me and they don't respect me and they treat me like that . And I go , I hear you and what are you doing about it ? Oh , I can't do anything . So you don't want to work with me , because you want me to help you .
You want to work with me so I can just listen to you complaining about the life that you have , because , unfortunately , when we live in the garbage it doesn't stink anymore . We get used to it . We get used to , yeah , he always treats me like that and , yeah , my kids are not respectful and we don't know how to set the boundaries , so we accept it right .
And then and this is the thing , because she called me back after a year and she was exactly in the same place . She said to me you know what , I didn't want to work with you in changing the way I was acting , because then he's nice and I didn't want to complain when he was nice , so he can come and treat you like you're a piece of shit , right ?
And then he comes back and say hey , I want to take you to dinner and you're going to take that leftover that he has for you , because you don't believe that you are worthy of the meal . You want the leftover . So a year went by and she was exactly in the same place , because nothing changes until we start healing ourselves .
And the first thing that we got to heal is that little girl , that little girl that we let down so many times because we adopted those beliefs that were inherited from other generations . That's how you start by healing your inner child , by start talking to you nice , instead of looking at yourself in the mirror and say I'm fat and ugly , I'm this or that .
Start being kind to yourself . Start by loving yourself , but before that , start by knowing getting to know yourself , because you cannot love anything that you don't know .
So get to know yourself , accept yourself , embrace yourself , and if you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say , I'm sorry , I let you down , I'm sorry , I didn't value you , I'm sorry I didn't love you enough to say no and to set my boundaries , because your soul knows that you're meant for more . You're just shutting your soul off .
You're shutting it off Like don't tell me , because I don't want to have a fight , I don't want to have an argument , I don't want to confront anyone . This is fine , I'm fine . You're an argument . I don't want to confront anyone . This is fine , I'm fine , you're not fine , you're not fine . Crying in the shower is not fine .
Screaming in a pillow is not fine . Sitting in your car five minutes longer because you just don't want to get home is not fine . So recognize those signs . Home is not fine . So recognize those signs , recognize what your inner child is asking you and start healing her . You know , one of the things that I tell my clients is that don't push your feelings away .
Your feelings make you sick . They get storage in your body . Then suddenly you have a cancer or you have an illness and you don't know where that illness came from . You know , I had three times cancer in my thyroid , between my heart and my lungs and in my uterus . That should be a red flag for me because of my three chakras . Why ?
Because I was holding everything in . I didn't want to make noise , so the signs were there . You want to call it the universe . Call it the universe . You want to call it the universe . Call the universe . You want to call it God , call it God . Whatever it is . They're sending you signs and you are choosing not to listen .
Start listening and start healing from the inside out . Don't try to fix . That's another thing that we do with our daughters . We try to fix them .
Let them talk .
Yes , your feelings Mm-hmm , yes , mm-hmm . It's usable , but it's disposable . So , girls , nowadays they want to be usable , they want to show up pretty , but then they're disposable , because we teach people how we want to be treated .
If .
I show up like a crystal glass , nobody's going to throw me in the garbage because I'm a crystal glass . But if I show up as a styrofoam cup , I mean , how long are you going to keep that around ? So it's how you show up . What boundaries are you setting ? What are your non-negotiables ? What are you allowed to have in your life ? What you're not ?
And if you saying no makes you unpopular , so be it .
I have nothing to follow that with , because you said it all so perfectly , but I am going to ask you to do something a little different . I want you to take a moment and speak specifically to young women in Central and South America , give them some advice , but I want you to do it in Spanish .
Are you sure you want me to say
¶ Inspiring Message in English and Spanish
it first in English and then in Spanish ?
You can say it in English first , but I want them to hear it in Spanish .
I am actually going to read something that I have in my desk and I give it to my clients every day , and then I will translate it in Spanish Never forget how worthy you are , exactly as you are right now . Believe deeply in your potential , even on the days you doubted . Celebrate what makes you you your quirks , your dreams , your voice .
Love yourself enough to set boundaries . Don't chase your goals . Attract them and to let go of what doesn't serve you . You need to set those boundaries . Surround yourself with people who lift you higher and be that person for others too . You have a strength inside that can change the life of everyone around you and inspire others .
So go after your dreams with courage and remember you don't have to do it alone . Keep shining , keep growing and always remember you are enough . Now I'm going to do it in Spanish for you¿ Cómo Nunca olvides cuánto vales , simplemente como eres en este momento . Cree en tu potencial , inclusive en los días en los que tienes duda .
Celébrate y celebra quién eres tú , con tus defectos , con tus cualidades , con tus sueños y con tu voz . Defectos con tus cualidades , con tus sueños y con tu voz . Quiérete y quiérete suficiente para crear límites para que tus goles , tus sueños vengan hacia ti . Atráelos para que puedas servir a otros .
Ten alrededor tuyo gente que te lleve para arriba , que te inspire , así como tú puedes inspirar a otras personas . Tú tienes la fuerza dentro de ti para cambiar el mundo y para inspirar a otros . Anda detrás de tus sueños , consíguelos con coraje y acuérdate tú no estás sola . Sigue brillando , sigue creciendo y sigue siendo suficiente , porque lo eres .
That was so beautiful . The biggest statement that I got out of there is I love the don't chase your goals , attract them . It's a complete mind shift . Yeah , and it's so . That's such a big deal and it sounds more beautiful in Spanish just saying so . How can people find you ?
I'm on Instagram , Claudia Noriega Bernstein . My website has the same name . I take care of my Instagram messenger , so you'll get an answer from me , not from an assistant or AI or whatever from me , not from an assistant or AI or whatever . I like to connect with people in general , but I love to empower young women and moms .
I think we are powerful and we can change the world . We just need to make that decision and we can manifest anything that we want . We just need to be in the right vibration so we start attracting , so we become a magnet to everything that is available for us .
Imagine it like if it's a radio If you move the dial and you don't get to that frequency where everything that is available for you is , then you're going to get static . So lift yourself up , believe in yourself , be in touch with your enoughness . It's in you . Just gotta look deep inside and find it so for everyone listening .
Um , her information is going to be in the show notes so you'll be able to go to her website and I'm gonna say that I strongly urge every listener to go listen to her podcast . Don't shrink , shrink to fit is chock full of really really , really , really good quality conversations . You , you won't listen to it and not be changed at least a little bit .
So go listen to her podcast . I'll put a link in the show notes for that as well . And , claudia , thank you so so , so much for coming on . You really are a powerhouse woman and I hope everybody listening sees why .
Thank you so much for having me . I enjoy this very much , and I think that women like you and I can embrace each other and start flying , because that's the only way we can do this .
And now for a mind-shifting moment
¶ Mind-Shifting Moment for Silent Women
. Young woman , young , quiet woman , subdued woman , the one who doesn't speak up , the one who stays in her place . I'm talking to you right now . We need you . We need you to speak up . We need what's inside of you .
When you sit down and shrink yourself and you don't speak up and you don't let out what's in that big , beautiful mind of yours , you're like buried treasure and we need your gems . You need to discover what gems are in you and go on a treasure hunt to find what's in you , instead of holding it back .
This world would turn upside down if all of you quiet women would stand up and speak your mind . It's time for a treasure hunt . Thank you for listening . Be sure to follow and subscribe to MindShift Power Podcast on any of our worldwide platforms and be a part of the conversations shaping tomorrow's world . This podcast is just one branch of the MindShift universe .
Explore more at FatimaBaycom and always remember there's power in shifting your thinking . See you next week .