¶ Birth of a Fight for Life
Hi Mindful Partners , and welcome to another episode of Mindfully with Tumishe the podcast . Of course , you know that Mindfully with Tumishe took a break last week because we all had to needed to take a break from a fight for life and if you've followed us especially Ola and I since June , you knew how that started .
Since june , you knew how that started and , um , yeah , we're back to give thanks to the one who sent us and also to give a review what our takeaways , what , and to give you some news . I have with me here today the two souls that god gifted mindfulness tohe the podcast to birth a fight for life .
It's a series of mindful events that ends , for Mindful of Tumishe will be hosting . So , oh , did I let the cat out of the bag too early ? Oh , okay , mofe , hi , hello , mofa , hello , you are like Ola too . Okay , hello , ola .
Hello , good morning , hello Okay .
Mofa was your ginger . Mofa was your ginger .
Yes , she was Okay .
Hi guys , I don't even know how to start this conversation , but let me tell you guys how Mofa and I met Through my big sister , who you know , derely . Derely said oh , that she has , or this lady who has this campaign , what was a voice of ?
voice of wellness voice of wellness campaign and , as you might have well gotten used to , on mindful , which machine would thrive on connection here ? And somehow , somewhere it just clicked . So we were planning . We were already in the middle of planning a fight for life .
This was in september when my friend I met and we were planning to ola and I were planning to design and create a mindful journal . And that was just . I was like , ah , the work of doing this and then production and all of that . And then god brought into my life more fair .
I didn't know she was trying to produce or publish a mindful journal until , I think , towards the end of sept , september . One morning you call and you say I want to run something buying . And I love , you know , I love her . Finish , I know , you know where do you want to be ? Who bid you for buying that for the show ?
So Moffat , is the jc , you Lamarck , whereby I see CEO of Murphy's Couch , I'm just the founder . She is the founder . Yeah , she has something .
So , mufa , because it's your first time on Mindful Youth , sumi Shape , before we do the rituals , please introduce yourself , because there's a ritual , but introduce yourself first , alright okay , alright , my name is Aimofe Onifade .
Yeah , because there's a ritual , but you , just yourself , is all right , okay . All right , my name is a move on if I day yeah , okay yeah all right , a move on if I day mental health educator , mental health advocates , hr 95 . Yeah , and so many other things . Yeah , yeah , so many other things .
We'll get you back . So this one is about . Of course , we're supposed to have a conversation on my plate anyways , but um , let's , let's .
Uh , who are you ? No , you can't . That's not gonna happen . This is all . And I'm here again . I said I like you , I like you , like you , like you All right .
A fight for life . What ? How ? I know the things that I took away , but let me start with you , mofa . What did you think was the highlight of the fight for life ?
I think for me , it's the fact that while we were planning , one of the things you said you're like , even if it's just five , was it five or ten ? You said no , I actually said five . You said five . You said , if it's just five people that shows up , I'm fine .
Yeah , you know well , when I drove in , you know that day , and I saw the energy , I saw everyone , I was excited . Yeah , you know , yeah , I was really excited .
I was afraid .
Yeah , I was . I was really excited .
So , and looking at the energy that came with it and looking at the fact that men would naturally not take this sort of meeting seriously , yeah , you know , because I know from the conversations I had with some people , I think after the event , when I posted the um , some of the short videos , a lot of people reach out to me and said hey , Mufi , how can you
not tell us this ? I was posting , but you carried this thing like gala , the short videos . A lot of people reach out to me and say hey , how can you not tell us this ?
I said ah , but you were posting , but you carried this thing like gala .
Somebody said ah , you should have dragged me . I said hello , you know . So , like , like I told you , there's so many people that I know they are waiting for the next one . Yeah .
Amen .
Hallelujah Talk now .
Oh , okay , right , For me it was . Every part of it was a reminder of what can be when we set our minds to do things right . But the most memorable for me was when we chased the women out and we had a conversation .
Honestly so , I said to Tumisha next year we would make sure that we'll probably allocate more time to that , because that should actually yeah , because it's the core of the program . And when people began , I'd first shared , because I know that men will not say anything . You don't see that somebody is trying to be vulnerable .
You know I'd shared and then the next question came and then that question took us to some place we didn't know . And then we came back and on you know some other conversation . It was just a reminder for me that truly the work um needs to be .
I got a few people that I invited say oh , thank you for , in fact , one of the persons I say well , I didn't know , I'll have dragged my friend , I'll have dragged my brother and his friend . You know , for me and this is somebody who doesn't do those kind of things , he's not that kind .
In fact , when he said he was going to come , my mom was like , okay , really . So when he sent me a text the day before , I didn't even read the text but I said don't even tell me that she's not coming . So he said , no , no , I'm just going to ask where my ticket is and and stuff
¶ Men Embracing Mindful Moments Journal
like that . It's not like I say , okay , that's much better , and for me it's very instructive . It's very instructive because if we want to build the kind of society that we want , we can't build it outside of excluding the man . And when I say excluding , I'm talking about the well-being , taking into consideration the well , well-being of the man .
So for me , I don't every part plus the food , you know . So it was just a wonderful . It was just a wonderful time out . It , it was just a wonderful time out .
For me it was the fact that we emphasized play , we highlighted play , and I think that was the icebreaker Right , you know , seeing men trying to put together puzzles and I must say a huge thank you to Ella Forters . Oh , did I say Ella Forters , she'll kiss on me . Yeah , rexona , art and Craft I've told him before that is from prison to photography to now .
I beg you little , he was the one and it was . He did that in a day he said usually to take him seven days , but he did the jigsaw puzzles in a day . So , um , so the jigsaw puzzles were not even part of but you know the fact that we started with that and it spoke to the competitiveness in men and allowed that fun to . There was did you know ?
There was a 57 year old man there , there was a 52 year old and there was a 55-year-old , and there was a 55-year-old man there and , I think , a 60-year-old . So when we started , the fact that we started just about what 20 minutes after we're supposed to have started at 10 .
The fact that we started at just 20 minutes late , that alone , and of course there was an initial , there was an initial fear . We were not fair , concerned . The speakers came late and we were being like okay , so what's going to be plan B ?
Maybe God just wanted us to emphasize play and all that and when we started the guide , when we're about to start the guided meditation . Dr Benga Kenga came in and then , uh right , they gave me right after each other and I believe that was how god and I'm so , so grateful . I've said this to him and I hope listening .
So this I didn't even know that he listened to the podcast until when he was talking during the and then he said like sheumjil said he listened to the podcast and that he waited to the end . I can just imagine the what it brought during that one . That 45 minutes , one hour end . How was it ?
I'm not saying you should tell us what you people said , but him being there , a clinical psychologist and psychiatrist being there with you guys , how was it ?
It was it , um , because you know you , when you have like um , when you have like um someone who is seen as an authority , um , not like an authority to just say , speak into whatever it is . We had one person ask a question of when do you draw the line between what the child feels about discipline and what you feel about ?
discipline .
Yeah , I would have loved to hear that answer if you were not there , I'm just saying the response I hear was I wanted . Wanted him because I like for people to reflect and ask answer their questions by himself . So I said to him if you were the child , how or when would you feel that this discipline is too much ?
And I saw the locked hands to take on that responsibility . So I knew something was there , you know , but I kept pushing it . It kept going somewhere else and I tried bringing him back , you know , into that place Every day .
I said to him see , the truth is , if you define what discipline , if you don't know what discipline is really , then it's going to be hard for anyone to help you to know what it is , you know . So when , when the doctor stood up and said you know what discipline simply means , discipling right , guiding a child in , you know , okay .
But that said , if you can't define how you want , um , to raise your child which exactly that's this , from the word disciple to disciple , you can't decide how you want to raise your child , which exactly is from the word disciple you can't decide how you want to raise your child and how .
And I think that , at the back of his mind , when people hear discipline , all they see is the road , and it's not road , because road is not really caning . They see the belt , they see the flogging right . They don't see that you can raise a child without that . I have seen it and I keep seeing it everywhere .
My friend Abami , I saw both his children being born the first day . I saw them on the first day and I saw them grow and I know that they did not raise their hand . One is about 12 , one is about eight and I . They moved , they left nigeria , moved to the , and I did not see them raise their hands at the children .
The wife is now a family engineering expert so she was really really and before she even went into diarrhea , she was really very intentional about raising kings , so she would refer to her children as princes and she would . They would talk to them , they of course they would punish them , go and stand and face the corner and you would think that those things .
But the children hated it , they hated it and it worked . So when people now talk about road , I've gone to check and I realized that the road actually doesn't mean to kill a child , doesn't ? That's not what it means . It means the road was used actually to ward off the enemy .
So let me , instead of coming at this one thing because of you know , when it comes to parenting . I could go on and on . But here's the thing the simplest way to when people come to me are you saying that you shouldn't beat your child . I've beaten my children before , but I've not done that in over .
One is going to be 17 on Sunday , so in over I can't even remember . Maybe over 15 years I've not . I've beat them twice and I knew why I beat them . I've told the story over and over on this podcast . But here's the thing when we go back to Psalm 23 , your Lord and your staff , they comfort me . Isn't that what ?
it says , and of course , we need to put these things into concentration when people go , like into context , because , like the road and all that , um , especially the european transportation , you know , that was the . That was . You know , and I'm speaking as a linguist again but the road is used to guide the sheep , the rod is used .
You won't see a shepherd use his rod to hit on the sheep , and these are animals . He would , though , use that . He would use that rod to tap the ground Until the sheep knows where the shepherd is . So we could play with this metaphor all through this conversation , but , but how did ?
What was the energy you got from sharing Mindful Moments journal at the Fight for Life ?
Okay , so the energy I got was good . Interestingly , yeah , I was not expecting . I was not expecting . I was not expecting a very high energy , to be honest , because I know the fact that I'm speaking to men was that in your head or what you were saying ?
it was in my head .
Actually , it was in my head the fact that I'm speaking to men and the fact that it's a men event and we've said exclusively you know , yeah , so so , um , but when I was speaking I could I saw that they were really paying attention and that's sort of really um , got me off that thought , right . And then the man that called afterwards .
Yeah , to also author . Yeah .
You know the feedback he gave was amazing . You know it was interesting to see a man you know , author journal Right yeah .
It's good to have your head . Yeah , no , yeah , and I'll say , well , hold on , hold on yeah yeah , yeah because .
Yeah . So when I was putting the journal together right , I actually had to go and find out . You know how many men actually journal , oh , yes , yes I did . Yes , I was really interested , right , and and because I was getting myself ready for all the critique .
And also , let's not forget that we're trying to , um , we're trying to raise awareness on on , on journaling , right , um , so , when people started asking questions , or when we're having conversations , and you know people are bringing their mindset and the idea , you know that may not be true , right , it's just a function of you know the assumption , just like my
assumption . You know what I was going to tell ourselves , exactly , exactly , you know . So I mean , I was ready I was , I was , I was ready , yeah . So the feedback from him was amazing .
I could see was excited , I could see was looking forward to it and for me it was a good um , it was a good feedback , yeah , that I um , that I picked out of that , yes , and the fact that I was like , oh , don't worry , how come I pick it up by myself , right , you know . And he was like , okay , okay , you know . So .
So the , the , the energy , the interest and all . Then also interestingly , um , even from people who have gotten the journal before now , the excitement from the men is amazing .
Honestly it's shocking .
It's shocking , you can see it . So there's a particular you know guy . Sorry man , right , that came and then I showed them the journal and he said okay , I'm gonna get one , you don't need to say too much , I love this , I like this , a lot of people need to have access to this .
So he took it home and he said the moment he got home right , you know , the wife saw the journal and she didn't even like to say too much , she just said I'm taking this one I know right . So he came back and said um , they've taken my journal . I said congratulations . They said I need one . I said no , don't buy one , buy two .
This and interestingly , sorry , sorry to cut you , and interestingly , thank god , he actually got to , because the moment he stepped out of my office he got a female visitor in the office and , of course , so do you think that I'm still looking ?
all the reels are not completely yet , but I am utterly glad that the guide I didn't choose to do the guided meditation live . I'm utterly glad that I recorded the guided meditation because I think my presence and voice might have been a distraction 100 . Well , what do you think ?
Because I think the guided meditation , and because it was a writing guided meditation , had opened up somewhat . Yeah , it's going to that place again . Are you back ? Are you coming ? Um ?
yeah , well , I I actually think that , um , meditation , guided meditation with the person being present , especially when the person is new to the audience , is always this is always a distraction if they're not familiar . It's not a familiar process already ?
Right , it would , because even the meditation people are still distracted , right , they're distracted by everything you're not used to meditation . Distracted by the voice , you're distracted , you're trying to hear what the person is saying , because that's , that's some , some , some form of distraction . So , yeah , I think it was .
I like I told you already , I like the music .
The music was oh , shout out to my brother .
Yeah , I like , I like the music and it was . It was really very , it was very soothing yeah , so so the music .
You speak the music . Let me say I have two versions of that because he just I thought , like he just woke me up one morning like that music is about the one we that was used about nine minutes . There's another one that's 12 minutes and he said he was whatever it is I was doing in his head , I don't know .
But he woke up and then he just said I think I have found your sound and I will not even lie when I listen to this . The second one there , the support where the cello , the violin , the trumpet , crescendos I'm sorry if you don't know music language , I'm so sorry , crescendos and I literally cried , I literally like .
I'm like whatever he was singing when he was creating that music for me . Yeah , mufa , you were going to say something , okay .
I was going to say I think that was one of the moments that I really enjoyed .
Yeah .
Yes , I loved the meditation , your voice , the music . Then also I love the fact that it was interesting watching the men . Actually , you know , shrining .
Yes , experience it .
I saw , I saw them really feeling it , which was a good thing for me . Right , it was a good thing for me because , you know , I believe there were people who that was probably the first time they were ever experiencing that Guided meditation .
Yes .
Some were crying .
Yeah , that humbled me . Yeah , you know , the moment I saw a tear drop from a guy's eyes , I stepped out Because I felt I was invading some sacred space and that's why I said I'm grateful that I wasn't doing it live . And even though , especially when we did the first one , you know people were like , okay , what's going on ?
But by the second , guided meditation was so immersed . Oh , it was so . Oh , the guided meditation was so beautiful , oh , it was so beautiful . So I'm going to tell you . You do not know , you do not know . So I'm going to tell you now . So I'm going to .
I have about 200 of them that I have not recorded , so we're going to put it up on black images youtube this next year . So , yeah , not selling it , just good , but when .
That is a lot of work , but we could do it , yeah yeah , so I think that one of um one of the reasons why it it caught the men was because we try as , as a man , you try to distract yourself from your everyday problem by just doing something
¶ Rediscovering Inner Child Through Meditation
. So you is that you're having conversations by force conversation I don't even want to have . You're pressing your phone , you're . You just , one way or the other , distract yourself . So when they , when they had to put down their phones and bring themselves , soothe themselves , you know .
And then you know , in those moments some things that you would feel and see , can just , can just bring some dawning on your life , and you know so , for me it was , it was a good one .
Many people just folded the first few men fold their hands and meditate I saw , I saw , I saw some , some men put your hand on their chest and the meditating the song .
I saw another one who , uh , who had his head on the table , and then the writing , because again , it's the kind of guided meditation I do , I you know , I give permission to open your eyes because what people think meditation is and what it is , you know , because mindful meditation , especially if you're actually meditating , there will be thoughts coming in .
Yes .
There'll be thoughts coming in . Yes , there'll be thoughts coming in , and if you stay in that moment and allow the thoughts to go in and out until you get to the one that you know resonates so much with a part of you , and you will feel it yes and you know , I think the second conversation it wasn't having compassion for your emotions For yourself .
For emotions , yes .
And then it was at that point I saw people touch a part of their body where the weight actually feels . Oh , you know , I just stood and I'm like , okay , we did that , we did that .
It was really interesting to watch .
And then the mats when away putting together the puzzles . After you had shouted , I wasn't helping him , by the way , he had finished the puzzle , he just needed to put the number in somewhere . I wasn't helping him , but you know we were giving him assistance , you know .
But having , you know know , seeing an elderly man and young men on that mat and trying to put the puzzles together the man that just gave up .
There was a man that just said I'm , said , I'm the last yeah because he , he , he was struggling , yeah , and you know , at that point I would have . So I asked I think I asked somebody come and assist him , you know , but he didn't stay , he left and I know that for a man that can be very , um , very distressing , you know to come out .
He came out himself , nobody called , you know , we just asked for volunteers and he came out , and then he found out what he was supposed to do was something , and I did not think that he wasn't , that he couldn't do it .
I think he already told himself that this thing is too , is too much for me to do , and he was the same person that you were accusing me of helping , and he had already finished it , so he just didn't know he had .
This man had left before you came . There was a . Oh yes , there was one .
I'm just saying that he's the same person you're . You're saying that , but he had finished it . He had finished it and I like the .
I think I love the boyish and I say this with all sense of respect and responsibility the boyish lights that came into his eyes you know , and and I am of an opinion that , for those those who stay constantly evolving and those who are in touch with their inner child , true , if you allow that child to speak to you and go and play with that child , you will
get perspective . Because , as again , abuja , great for me . You know , there were some questions this community was asking me and I found that the person who carries me the most and carried me the most encouraged me the most .
Drawing my dark moment was to me between the ages of one and five , whenever I , till now and I didn't know until I had that conversation with you know the god gang we call them , and I know , I know now that whenever I'm in a dark place and I speak with her , she kind of reminds me how I saw myself when I was younger .
Because , again , I didn't have , I didn't grow up in a home where there was positive reinforcement . So the positive reinforcement came from to michelle alone , you know so , or me , me playing , me singing , me dancing , me on a bike . I can't ride a bike , save my life now . But you know , I have those pictures
¶ Men's Empowerment Through Mindful Conversations
. I go to her and I ask , I sincerely do ask okay , tumishe , what should we do here , and I think she's going to say playfully sarcastically , as the older , tumishe would do it , but I'll get the message and I think that most of us , if we could just stay with the youngest , the curious us , we'll keep our curiosity alive .
So what are we looking forward to ? November 29 , 2025 ? Yes , that's the date , november 29 , 2025 . What should we do differently ?
More time for the men to speak . I'll advocate for that . More time for the men to speak . I'll advocate for that . More time for the men to speak , um , but honestly , it would be tough because there's nothing I would take away from , from what we had this very first , not you know .
But to expand on the time for men to have that crucial conversation , for me that would be it . Having the psychiatrist come in and speak was very instructive . Having the social work I don't want to call him because that wasn't what he came to do , what's his name ? Paul ? Yeah , paul also spoke into vulnerability was very useful .
It was very , very useful because even during the conversations we had when the women were sent out I know I just have to keep seeing that makes you feel good yeah because the woman just wanted to stay . You know , there was a , there was a , there was an osha , you know , and I just I'd started talking and I'd asked her .
But and I started talking , I just saw she was looking at me with intent . She wanted to hear this , you know . So I said , madam talking , I just saw she was looking at me with intent , she wanted to hear this , you know so .
I said Madam , we are waiting for you , she was shy , she just started .
You know it was . He even had questions to ask , oh of course we all have questions to ask With regards to and I think , one of the questions that questions are very questions are key and we have to keep learning how to ask the right question .
One of the questions that was asked was well , yeah , I'll be very open , yes , very open , because that's one of the questions that was asked , yeah yeah , one of the questions that was asked was um , why would um ? how do you deal with parents when they are , when they see you as their pension plan ?
You're right , that was an elephant in the room , isn't it ? No , for me . I didn't even think about it until the psychiatrist tried to when he was speaking into it , and I realized that , oh , but that's not the real question .
So what's the real question ? The ?
real question for me was him trying to find out why they wanted to rip where they didn't sow . That's the only reason you'll ask that kind of question . That's the only reason why you ask why your parents I doubt , I doubt .
Hold on , hold on .
You know why ? It was true , when I was saying , I was looking at his face and he started smiling because that's the real thing For him .
I'm not saying for him that might be . It was when .
I asked the question .
I asked the question but I just wanted to speak to it generally . Okay , I'll speak to it generally .
There are some people who , genuinely , even though their parents were there for them and the reason that , speaking to where it is not so they did not reap it , not so Like , they provided financially and all the alias , but they were neglected socially and emotionally .
Same thing . They're still trying to reap where it is . So it's still a reaping and sowing thing .
It's still a reaping and sowing thing , but I'm speaking to the fact that there are some people who were given the way , but they were not .
I understand what you're saying , so I think that those kind of people would rather provide the means for their parents in old age but would not be present . So it's still a sowing and reaping If you don't sew your emotional presence when they're younger , don't expect them to be present when they are older . Do you understand ?
It's just like I say to my son he's going to have my head . This boy called me a day before a fight for life A day before and he goes like , how's the program going ? I said , oh yeah , a little over here , but I'm fine .
So I've listened to almost all your interviews before this thing and you have been using me for your , so I should say I'm an inspiration . Oh yeah , you can say you're an inspiration and I said , okay , so don't you think you should monetize my not attending . I'm a male specialist . Please help me understand .
Please help me understand this logic , Because I don't understand and I'm like , um , no , but that's not fair , I'm spending money on this . And he said , okay , okay , the truth is , I just want money for bread , oh my God on this . And said he said , okay , okay , the truth is , I just want money for bread , oh my god .
But yeah , and and and it's because of people like that that we do this , because the next generation must be . They're an upgrade of us , then , upgrade of us , and we must do better . Uh , um , that's .
I'm looking again , I'm going to try and post there , but I look at the videos and I'm like , guys , we did this and I want to say huge , huge , huge thank you to 1202 events .
Funshaw interpreted every single thing that we oh yeah , yeah , funshaw is the ceo and my friend she's been on the podcast Funchal Interpreted Every Single Thing that we yeah , funchal is the CEO and my friend , she's been on the podcast before she did . And she .
A huge , huge Thank you To Femi Adebingwe Right , who was the major designer For the , for like , the one we used For the , you know . Thank you to G-Day 2 , who for life , the one we used for the , you know . Uh , thank you to jude , who was doing the media runs for us . Um , I do a little poroku anita , what ? No , was that tall ?
Yeah , thank you , thank you , and the hugest thanks goes to olubomi . Thank you very much .
Yeah , so I was going to say um when ? Um , the people that came , they saw the ambience , the men loved it . Yeah , I was very particular about we don't want to laugh because it's not a woman event and you know the funny things I meant , like dark colors .
So while it was dark , it still wasn't dark yes , it wasn't gloomy , yeah , so yeah , there was still the the only funny thing the mat on the way of just , he just brought a different vibe into the into , into that , it really was a good one .
it was , it was now . So thank you guys . Thank you , my friend , for jumping on this and partnering with us . Thank you , ola , for running . See , yeah , I gave Ola this . I was still thinking , like Ola , I think I should , and before I finish that , 30 minutes later , he just said the whole thing .
Thank you so much for being such a wonderful partner and co-host of Mindfully with Tumishe , the podcast , and , as we wrap this up again , november 29 , 2025, . We will start promotion earlier this year and probably next year and probably , you know , we'll see .
But the truth is , we can't start too early , we can't start too late , and just follow us on Mindfully With Tumishe on all platforms , especially Instagram . Instagram is where you get most of Mindfully With Tumishe , the podcast . Thank you very much .
Of course you can visit blackimagescom and hopefully we'll put all of that , all this hopefully dot com and hopefully we'll put all of that , all this hopefully I say hopefully because there's so much work in my head right now I'm still half asleep , half awake and we'll be recording this and Mindful of Team Shea , like I said earlier , um a fight for life .
I think it's just point and turn . I don't know , it was very esoteric for me that the Mindful event I had thought that we're going to do Mindful event , okay . I don't know . It was very esoteric for me that the mindful event I had thought that we were going to do mindful events , okay . But then last year happened .
You know how last year started now I was sick , hysteric to me . So I said to myself it's not going to happen in 2024 again . But it did happen and I think it was .
It is very godlyly that it started with men , because I have said it a million and one times if the man is whole , the woman and the children won't have to fight and cry a lot won't have to fight and cry so we hope to see you November 29 2025 . And what would I say to round this up ? I don't know .
Love yourself , love your neighbor , love your country . Above all of this , love God . He is the essence of your being Watch out for next week's episode . I can't even begin to tell you I love you . Thank you , mufa , thank you , ola , peace out .