The Garden Within : Six Friends Get Real About Life.

Within the conversation you're about to listen to is a little peek into the lives of six of the closest people in my life , but I must apologize in advance for the production quality . However , enjoy this conversation . I am Uluwatu Mishi Ola dapu Kuku . This conversation . I am Uluwatu Mishi Oladapo .

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questions around it . And so let me start with what does it mean to you to be a woman ? Being a woman means powerful , can do almost you , you know some , almost everything . Almost not open . Yeah , because most women , especially in this path , we were born and to to be able to take control .

Yes , we , yes , alright , we raise , we rear , we give back Rear , we cook , yes , okay , what would you say ? Okay , forget the fact I'm using rear , but the children will give back too . What do we do with them ? We raise them , we rear them , and you know so . So , basically , I think that's for me , okay , that's just what I think .

Alright , funchal , what do you think the greatest power of a woman is ? If we're going to go back , what's she saying ? If we go back , what Opa is saying ? Yes , greatest power , a woman has the ability to do all of that . So it's a the , the innate .

You know nature the ability to nurture , the ability to care , the wonder woman power that I believe every woman has , even if it's to different degrees , you know , but I think it's just the the ability to be able to wear different hats at the same time . Okay , so , um , dan , do you think that is that is totally true , or is there social conditioning ?

I think it's a social condition and because I Post when she said can do everything or almost everything , I think it's a burden actually to think and feel we can do everything , or we can do almost everything , and may tilt towards abuse , either as an abuser or as an enabler of abuse , or as a victim of abuse , if we are not careful .

There should be a balance . You know , we have no doubt we have abilities that men don't have , but that doesn't mean that we can do everything , or almost everything , or we can take in everything life throws at us , that we truly what you're rolling your eyes at .

Do you think that it is truly like she said , if we don't have balance and content towards our views ? Yeah , I think so , because at the end of the day , we go like , oh , she's a woman , she can take it on , and because of that , because we just want to be that woman .

We keep taking on what we normally would not even want to take on , but we just want to prove a point . I can do it , I'm a woman , I'm strong I don't like that word by any way strong woman . I'm strong , I can do it , I'm capable , and I keep taking what I don't want to really take because I want to prove a point . So , yeah , thanks to those abuse .

So what , what ? Um , before I come to that , because I can , I can literally see , you know .

Right for me , abuse enabling it as well . Is

you , you know , shunning the other woman down to say we all went through this ?

So , for example , I have had instances where , um all my kids , I had all my children through cs , proudly through suites okay , yes , I know people who opted for yeah , yeah , well I , I didn't , I didn't opt right , but proudly I .

I say that proudly because , um , I've seen a lot of people lose their children because of the negative narration around them so that's . That's what I mean when I say proudly right . And I remember a lady reached out to me and then she said in fact I had Cs , but please , you can't tell anyone oh wow , you know we went to secondary school together .

How long ago was this , that that was about , um , when I had my first , that's about 13 years ago . Yeah , there about you know , and then she said you can't tell anyone . And I said why ? She said I'm only telling you because I know you're open about this and I know you at you know cs and I said okay , well , you're fine , right ?

She said , and your child is fine . I said so what is anybody's business with how ? you have the baby . I said what is important is you know the baby's here and you're fine . I said that is all that matters . So for her interacting with her . I realized you know she was even angry with herself .

For me , that is also a form of you abusing yourself , feeling that you're less you know , she didn't have yes yes , yes , you know , and in the populace , you know , saying they'd be like , um , women , right , yeah , and then you feel like , you know , some people even think that they are not spiritual enough , you know , and then they start questioning even their

spirituality . For me , those are all I mean . The list is endless . Okay , we could , this could actually just turn into the conversation . But when I sent out the message to you all and said cultivating the garden within , what came to your mind ? What , what , what was yes for just raising a hand ?

Yeah , I was like Kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui , kilo Letui . Kilo Letui , kilo Letui because because we know that that is not who you are exactly , but no so , but we can't tell you who you are .

Sometimes I'm okay , sometimes I'm not okay , you know , but I thought skilfully to it all right , nice , so so let's go with the first question so , and I'm going to simplify it , what habit are you currently not sharing to feed who you ?

Are you cultivating to align the thoughts in your head ? The thoughts in your head , the emotions that come up for you and your behavioural pattern ? That alignment your tributary self . What are you doing ? The three parts of you ? Thank you very much . Yeah , all right , who's gonna take that ? Go ahead , okay .

So for me , um , so I have a teenager now and I have a preteen , and so we're getting into a phase that has , um , is kind of taking me back to how I was as a teen .

There are boys , well , the ones that are at that age , so I may not totally relate with their puberty journey , but I have an idea of how the teenage years are , so it has made me like , okay , so how were you ? How was I then ? I remember how I was . Then I was , I wasn't this bold , I was always outspoken .

You know I could , you know you couldn't bully me , quite all right , but I wasn't this , I wasn't this firm and I wasn't . Um , I really would not think about what I want myself . You know , when people say let's do this , let's go here , I'm the go-to person . I would support you , but I really didn't pay attention to myself , like , okay , what do you ?

What does diana really want to do right now or here now ? Do I really want to do this ? Or I'm just going with the flow and because I'm passing that on to my children at this stage , that it is very important for you to understand and know who you are and what you like . Pay attention to yourself . I tell them , pay attention to yourself .

At this age , there are a lot of activities . There are a lot of things you want the children to do . There are a lot of things you want to do because your children are now growing and you have a little more independence than you used to when they were younger and you had to be there for them .

So for me , um , the key things are I'd like to , you know , be firm . I'm firm , but I still want to stand out , tell myself is this good for you ? You know I take a pause before I respond . Make any commitment . Is this good for you ? Are you able to do this and derive joy ?

okay , I think the one we're looking we're trying not to say is people please yeah , well , I I used to think , until somebody's , I used to think that I was a people pleaser , but because of my kind of personality , when I can't shut , it means it's not okay for me .

And then the person said to me no , you just like people to be happy not necessarily because you are putting yourself , but there's someone on this table that has said to me constantly that I don't know how to enjoy life for sure , for sure . Said to me constantly that I don't know .

So maybe , maybe , what I'm cultivating now is to stop and understand how to be happy . I do not know how to be happy . That is the truth . Okay , so who next ? okay , so for for me um I think the one thing I'm really really learning is letting go , letting go of things , forgiving my head .

I think that is one area I'm currently working on , because I can't hold a person for two months in my head .

All of us that are older in this place , oh my god , yearly , I try to do it yearly . Like , okay , this is what I'm working on this year .

I try not to . I do things that will not affect me psychologically if I see that this thing is going to , I'd rather not watch and then I'm not good they have that or do things that I know can affect me , because one thing , yeah , because one thing some people don't know is there are some little things on a good day that could just happen .

It could be just something that they're just looking past . But when you are alone , no one is around you , you could go back , remember that thing and , as you are reflecting , you can take two hours . You can be sleeping . I am still thinking about that thing . It will affect my sleep . It will affect so many things .

I would be sleeping and my dream would be about that thing that I saw . No , she's like you , she's , she's capricorn . I'm tense .

She's the level so you know because , to be honest , when , when I look at you , and show and all of everybody here is my friend , I believe and then my sister-in-law is here , and when I look at finshaw , I actually think that she has mastered the art of compartmentalizing . Is that true ?

Or when that drink fell ,

yeah , like , just make it as simple as possible . Or when that drink fell , yeah , like , why didn't you think to turn off the fan ? Why did you think to drink drink up and put the cup under the table before . So that's me . Yeah , I will beat myself up if something goes wrong , like till .

So I'm trying hard to like you know things , okay , you make mistakes , it's okay . But it doesn't also help because in my line of career , it's a lot of times I'm just like ugh , but I'm trying , I'm really trying . I'm not even near the end , I'm just starting to try . I get it .

It's all actually speaking then , yes , so for me , I think , what I'm long , I stopped seeing Tualashe .

Don't think , when you do this , you're indulging yourself too much .

You know where I can be vulnerable , right , and I'm so , I'm so I would love to use what blessed right , because I wouldn't say it's luck , right , I would , I would , um , I'm so blessed to have that , you know , in very few people that are within my space , these are people that the days that , yes , is not a good day , right , I'm able to just go

emotionally naked with them . You know , I remember some . She called me , you know , at some point yesterday . Yesterday was a crazy day for me actually . I saw a message at first I didn't respond , said you know , thank you , like like she , she could sense something was wrong .

I mean we didn't talk you , but she saw my activity in the group that I am and she knows it's not the regular . Once I didn't respond , of course , you know there was that call like what's going on , you know , and at that point , honestly , I needed to just cry , like you know , when you're like , ok , I need to let this thing out , you know .

So you know , having um relationships like that right has sort of like really helped . So the work depth , that was where you know I started from .

So I had some really amazing experiences at the beginning of the year right and I remember I was sharing with a friend , as in one of my inner supports , and then she told me she said remember you shared something in october . I said , yes , all these experiences you're having , don't you think they are the journey to the depths that ?

you you're seeking , you know . So at that moment it clicked so I realized , okay , right , this is it . So I immediately had a change of mindset . So all the basketballs that has been coming , trust me , the basketballs , they have been mega , they have been mega right . I no longer see them as oh , this thing , you're gonna kill me . I see like okay let's go .

And I love the girl that's popping up , right , I love the girl that's popping up , right , I love the girl that's popping up . I remember I had a conversation two days ago and one of my inner space , you know so . I'm able to be that for her , she's able to be that for me , you know . So .

There are days when she pops I'm like , hey , I need to be a office scout , right . And then there are days I'll be like babe , you know , I need you , but how ?

I've always been bigger relationship , so there was no way they could have socialized or conditioned me to be that person that I would say . You know , I'm scared to open up , to share , to be .

In fact , I have friends who remind me of some things I did that I can't remember and I'm like , really I did that , I'll think about it , so I don't think that you will fall into that category that's nice who else okay . So personally , I would say it's a journey .

Right , it's a journey , and it also requires the book practice , because I think one of the reasons why it is tough is because sometimes we want to do it by ourselves , you know , or sometimes we assume the other person is at that level or at that space , right , and then we have those expectations , those demand , and when it's not coming right we feel hurt .

You know , we go all out for people sometimes , you know , and then we expect them to all out for us , and when they are not right , we feel like , oh , you know that there's a form of rejection .

So , everybody , a minute , the most after the , the most and it's going to be very interesting the most . The moment I felt most like myself . Yeah , too , when I had my children .

You can't let people know your exact feelings . Feelings because so , when you're out thinking , you're with friends discussing , and all of that , whatever you say , people will think , oh , that's your parents opinion , parents opinion , and so because of that , I kept everything inside .

Wow , and I remember when I was going to say , my mom told me please , wherever they are discussing qualities , don't stay there . Leave immediately once they start leave . So most of my life I've lived not expressing my exact thoughts and so it's difficult to say . This was when you felt yourself the most .

Yes , that's deep though for me , I'd say I'm myself now . Yes , right now , this is me . This stage , this stage , yeah , when I was in school , I was not myself . I faced so many things , you know , while in school , uh , all this , um uh , teacher victimization . I'm talking to me .

I can do whatever I want .

But I do not go out of anything that is going , like I said earlier , because if I start thinking about too many things it will just grow out of proportion and I don't want to run mad . So right now I'm just living life the way it is .

I say I I do not over talk , I do not you know yes , because people , people will think of me in a different light , and I'm not like that so perception exactly .

So I try to just hold myself I say what needs to be said , at the time I should say it , and when it is not necessary , I just keep my mouth shut and I just do what I want so have you finished thinking about it have you finished ? thinking about it . Yeah . So , yeah , yeah , you can actually live in my best life .

My best life now , like I'm dreaming as much as I can . I'm dreaming right now and I I just went , I'll almost sleep , almost just like when I want to sleep . I want to sleep when I'm like sometimes my phone is just off , we are calling , I won't give you a call , like I can , I'm doing me right now when they doing me thing .

I like the fact that I'm lucky to have good friends . You know , support system I have the best support system . I always tell my sister is always jealous about she's like . You know you have a good support system and all of that and all of that . I have good support system .

So in my dream , me , in my crazy moments , I have friends I can call should be me with . So , yeah , I think I'm living my best . Oh , yeah we won't talk first . Oh yeah , um , I wouldn't say there's been a particular time .

I think I've had very , very a lot of me time like I'm doing me I like this for me a lot of times that I cannot say , oh , this was a breaking you know moment for me . Um , but I am super , super grateful for where I am now .

Um , I'm super grateful that , to be honest , I can do anything I want to do as long as I have the means to do it and as long as I'm not hurting anyone , I'm happy to do it . I used to suffer all that . Oh , perception , drama , not perception .

I don't care about perception per se , like that's , like that um I mean perception is is is key , but I'm not , I'm not overthinking . Oh , I want to be this way because I want them to think about me this way I'm more like .

Like I said , maybe because my kids are older , I don't need to see them sleep , I don't need to see them , you know . But I'm happy to do things I want to do . Oh , I want to go out with friends . Oh , we want to . I'm not worried about anything . I'm not , you know . I know that all the kids are fine . There's food at home If you need me .

My kids , still today , if I'm not home , they call me once they get back from school . I'm like , oh , there's yeast . My daughter always has yeast with me . You know she's like ah , mommy , there's yeast , you give me yeast . You know , if I'm at home immediately after school , once they come back , everybody's in my room giving me cheese . I love those .

Those moments are very precious to me and there are times where guys see you in three days I'm gone , so I'm . I'm actually loving it . I love the balance . You know , sometimes it's hard . There are a few times I'm thinking . You know if I'm thinking , oh , this man that married me . I think , all in all , I think I think I know my life all right .

Diana . Well , so mine is kind of close to for shows , in the sense that I like to think that I live a good life . I'm not wealthy , don't get me wrong . But when I think about my childhood , one of the things that drive me , you know , to create a very interesting life for my kids now is because of the memories I have .

I have very fond memories of my childhood . I have fond memories of school . I really didn't like secondary school that much , but my senior secondary school was fantastic , like my experience . I'm talking about not school now , my life then In uni . What a blast Youth service blast , paid employment Blast . So it's tough for me to say this .

You know I've had a lot of and , like I said at the beginning , when we're talking about fun fact , I try to make the best . One thing drives me , like I remind myself you're here now , you might as well enjoy it . So I try to make sure that moment and live in that moment . I try . It's not possible all the time , but I try . I live in that moment .

I make the best . I make . I do things that you know warms the atmosphere , me , everyone . You know we're having a good time . I love to have a good and , to my okay , for me they are quite a number they are quite a number , but I think one of the most recent one would be when I finally was able to to launch the journal .

Yeah , yeah , you know it was . I got the inspiration at a very low point , you know . So , bringing out something you know beautiful out of that space , right felt good , right , it felt good .

Yeah , then seeing how much of that's all impacting lives , and right from green up , one of the things I always say is you know , I love to touch lives , even if then I didn't really understand that . You know what it meant . You know , but that's moments when we had the virtual lunch , seeing everybody on , you know all over seeing the work .

You know I , for that moment I was happy about the struggle .

Yeah , because it's one life yeah , yeah , it's one life so if it's good , you know , okay , we navigate , you know , and still create good memories regardless , even if the only memory we're able to create is a beautiful selfie right , but we still create .

I was raised on pictures , you know , and all that final question , because I don't want this to be very long . Um , oh , I forgot it . Okay , what is one thing that you receive now without guilt that I receive ?

money kind of takes me back a little . So money without strings will make you feel guilty . I try to pay you back . I don't know if you've noticed . Guilty . I try to pay you back . I don't know if you've noticed , I would try to pay you back thank you for saying now , I've not that you have said I have noticed , I would make sure I'm not a danger .

I yeah I couldn't get collect money from my husband for a very long time I would rather have to remember my father , you won't know about that , about me , yeah , so money yeah , money yeah , so for me , but now I take it . Please give me no guilt . I'm trying not to be guilty about this gift actually .

So general gifts could be money , it could be kindness , actually being kind to me . When you're kind to me , I'm like , okay , what strings ?

She was like it's a gift , I'm like , eh , you know , so it's difficult for me to just receive gifts , Like I just feel there should be a reason why you are gifting me and I need to do better you know to to . There's a word for it to earn it . So that's what I'm trying to work on .

Is the way you look so lost you are not supposed to be on this say it's good , everybody is talking about .

Like she just Like , like I'm not expecting it , and he just , you know , so he makes and then he goes like Thanks machine . It's time for you to enjoy it you know . so that makes it easy for me Nice to know , Nice to know . I'm here as you go , I'm here as you go . Anything , you give me anytime .

Ever since I was a baby to this age , you give me anything . I feel no guilt .

No , no , no , no no , no , no , no no no , no , okay , we're almost last one , I think last one before the first and you . They were all girls . I think another thing that happened was my mom wanted me to be a boy , so they raised me like a boy . And it was unconsciously , I think . I started behaving like a boy , but it was unconscious .

In fact , people used to tell me even where I used to walk . They called me a mother bouncing . You identify us , identify . Bouncing . You identify us , I identify us , I identify us . Okay , got it . So , fusha , what do I struggle with receiving ? I struggle with receiving compliments , or yes .

So once if you , I do something or I do a good job , and someone says , oh , that was something , and I remember having a conversation with someone I said last week or two weeks ago or recently , and he said it's because it comes to you easy and think you think you didn't do anything , you know and that I should learn to start maybe placing more value on me

and what I can give . But yeah , I struggle with you know , like , oh yes , that was so much more than I can achieve . Say , one of the things I'm working on not being guilty of that is . I'm looking for the nicest way to say it that it will not be misinterpreted .

Right like um , if people have done bad , you know like really give setting them the punishment that they deserve you struggle with yes yes , you know , because and one of the things my friend told me recently , she said in effect , just because you have a good heart does not mean the next person you know , and just because you don't do something bad to people ,

does not mean that people yes you know . So so I'm , I'm currently learning to be the camera of the no , I'm , I'm saying it , no , I'm , I'm . I'm learning not to feel bad about it and not to beat myself about it , reminding myself that hey it's not about you .

This person you get deserves this space , and you giving this space , or you giving this particular punishment , allow it to flow , ok .

So most times I want to try to make it nice to you , I want to you know , over explain , but no , hell , no , no , it's okay , it's what it is you know you've done this , you've done this and yeah , thank you , ladies for coming to Klaje .

It's something that we could really do and I'm really thankful that she brought that up and I'm thankful that you guys are here .