The Evolution of Relationships and Emotional Truths

Mindfully , with Timmy Shea , the podcast presents A Fight for Life , an event dedicated to men's mental health and suicide prevention . This November . Join us as we bring awareness , support and hope to those who need it most , because every life matters and every man deserves to know that he matters . Details soon Hi Mindful Partners .

Welcome to another episode of Mindfully Rich and Shake , the podcast , where I and some of my friends , including you , explore the depths of human relations and nuances that come with them , and , of course , we're trying to demystify the mystery that surrounds mental health questions and mental health .

Today , though , I want to talk about something that's been on my mind and is something that I've observed as a common thread in many of our relationships in the society .

This is from some posts I made some years back , about three years back , right when I was in the middle of a brief season , both the loss of my parents , my father and some friends and , as profound as I think this is , if I say so myself , it is entirely subjective . It is my personal opinion on this concept that I'm about to do some form of expose on .

It is not our universal truth in any way , but perhaps you are hard , you're like me and part of my tribe and it will resonate with you and if it does , I hope that you'll also be able to take steps towards leaving mindfully patterned upon and embracing who you are , how you are , what you are with yourself and the people around you .

Lately , I've been noticing a lot of posts and quotes about celebrating people after they are gone . You hear phrases like give me my flowers while I can still smell them , and while I absolutely believe that this is a beautiful sentiment , I also think that the reality is often more complex .

The way someone is celebrated can depend on many factors , some of which we may never fully understand and grasp in this dimension . Let's start with some dark thoughts . Apologies , but I love dark thoughts . Imagine if you've been friends with someone for a long time .

Then life happens and , despite all your efforts to keep this person in your life , you're reaching out . You're attending their event and honoring their um , their invitations , you're being there for them , the , the highs and the lows and then you begin to feel the connection isn't reciprocated .

At some point you begin to tell yourself I won't stay where , I'm not welcome . There's no beef , there's no bad blood , at least from where you you're sitting or you're standing just a realization that this person's role in your life might just be over , maybe the sense that before you did .

Maybe they're one of those high , sensitive people who live on a level of consciousness you're yet to attain . But you still exchange warm greetings on social media , whatsapp and short messages inclusive . And then you're wondering why can't we just maintain the same energy with other parts of our relationship , our friendship ?

Then fast forward to a news of their passing , a news of their transition to the , to eternity , to the great beyond , whether after a well-lived life or a sudden event , or just because I dare say you'll mourn what was , what could have been and what is . Strangers of my sound are the news of their eternal transition . All emotions , good and bad , just vanish .

You want to keep the good memories , maybe a simple , a cup in mechanism . The bad experiences at that moment matter very little , with dispersing Very , very , very little . Now let's talk about another set of people .

Let's talk about people you've just met who are very instrumental in your current phase of life , like everything is going fine , the love and energy flowing effortlessly , and you think to yourself oh , I only found my tribe , but you're really , really , you know , happy about this , you're glad about this , you're settling .

Then you begin to see deeper into those new tribe members life . You've become so close that you begin to see the masks . Oh yeah , see the masks . Oh yeah , your core values don't really align . The person isn't a bad person , but after such a long emotional investment you realize you do not align .

You move on , not because you hate the person or they have wronged you , but to protect yourself , to protect yourself from being who you believe that you were not , and this person is probably being a mirror to that for you . The sense of self-preservation kicks in and's very deep and strong you . We really cannot fight against the sense of self-preservation .

Fast forward again to their passing . After the initial shock , one of the first memories that will come rushing back is the beautiful beginning of your relationship . The ugly memories will only flash through briefly , and when they do . You might even begin to question yourself , say things like maybe if I had stayed , maybe if I had ?

You know the questions I'm talking about . I must say , though , this is not a universal thought process . Some people , by design or by nurture , won't spare a moment for the somber emotions and reflections that come with death , and maybe that is some sort of coping mechanism . I can't say , but I can say for myself .

For example , when I lost both my parents , when I lost my mom , who , uh , took her last breath in my arms , I couldn't cry . I was actually . I was relieved . I was , yes , the status quo , so I was relieved that she was no longer in pain . I wouldn't have to be jogging , trying to keep my home and taking care of my mom .

She was quite young , she was 16 , six months when she died , but I didn't cry , and a lot of people wondered why I didn't cry , same with my father , and when my father died too , I couldn't cry . But when my brother died , back in 2004 , maybe I was in another space , or maybe my consciousness was just in another place , but I did cry .

I cried for days , but right the next day , the next day after I got the news . I went for a long run , which's always been my coping mechanism . For anything tough , all right , I just go for a long run . So yeah , it is like I said earlier . It is not a universal thought process .

Some people , by design , by nature , do not know how to connect with that somber , the somberness that comes with the needs of death , of transition . Then there's another set of people you meet in life . They only pop up , pop in when the need arises , and vice versa . That's about it . That's about it .

And if you pursue anything deeper , you are setting yourself up to getting hurt . A person meant to be there for just a moment becomes an enemy or a hater because we have assigned them a lifelong role when they were meant to be there for just a bus ride .

Then again , when the news of the passing comes , the most probable memory that will pop up is the first moment they entered your life . So what am I getting at ? It is all well and good to expect certain reciprocity from people who believe we've invested in emotionally Like I always say I say it around my friends a lot .

We judge our importance or the level of importance in other people's life based on our perceived investment emotional investment into that relationship and , at the risk of sounding like I'm invalidating the hurt and the pain that comes with feeling used , if you work to be aware enough , we will realize that it is not that deep as we say .

It is beautiful , and if you know me so you know that I love to foster deep relationships . It is beautiful , foster deep relationships by all means , but also understand the different roles people have come to play in your life and let that be your guiding light , your North Star , if you will .

Until very recently , I found it very difficult to keep ephemeral relationships . It just doesn't come easily to me and I've been burned , even charred , but I've learned that there are different kinds of people that will saunter through one's life , however short or long .

The key is to be present enough to discern the role of each member assigned to your tribe and deal accordingly . It's a tough ask , but that other person believes or knows , or thinks that they have invested or you are not on the same bandwidth with them or the same vibration or the same frequency , and so do you , so do you Again .

That's why I love the second agreement from domigan ruiz's uh , the four agreement that says do not take anything personally . And of course , the third that says do not make assumptions . Assumptions because you do not know , you really do not know a person will only show you a part of them that it wants you to see .

If you have a relationship that allows you to see beyond the mask , god and guide jealously . But then , like we said on the show numerous times , um , it's not everything . No matter how close you think you are to someone , you do not know everything .

So it's better to and this again , this is not universal , this is how I deal it's better to just allow people be , be a no judgment zone .

Allow people express and be when they come to your space so that when they leave your space , the moments that were with you you have harnessed , and they have harnessed enough to create memories that will carry you both for a long time and even a lifetime or , when that call comes about , eternity .

Before I round this off , best believe that the flower you're expecting to give each other , you're expecting someone to give you while leaving , might only come because of a transition , and transition here means death to the great beyond , to eternity . Some people were destined to be known at the announcement of their transition , and that's when the impact begins .

Trying to understand the enigma called life is tough work . There's sovereignty and there's a million and one things , you know , parameters that can make things happen that we never can understand in this dimension , on this plane . It's a real existential crisis . So what's my strategy ? Work as much as you can to live presently , mindfully .

I know it's a difficult task , especially in a world that thrives on several versions of rat races , several versions , from workspace to social spaces , the networking spaces . The world thrives on rat races and sometimes I think the whole world um operates on the crab technology . You don't know the crap kind of technology , I'll tell you .

Put ten crabs in a bowl and you find that when one is trying to come out , the other is pulling it back . That's the crap technology . You can do the research if you will . So for the present , if no one is giving you the flowers that you think you deserve , buy some for yourself and smell them .

The person you're respecting flowers from you might not even know you want them to give you flowers . That is the conundrum . Existing and leaving is absolutely nothing you can do about it . Love yourself , love your neighbor , love your country . Above all of this , love god . He is the essence of your being right .

Do not forget that mindfulness is putting together a fight for life for november and , as I said , the last two episodes . I said , uh , if you're not aware about november it , it is a month where we focus on men's mental health , post-treat health , and it is also a campaign towards suicide prevention . That's the whole of Movember .

In some parts of Europe , we get people growing a moustache , hence Movember to create awareness , to garner awareness for suicide prevention and postured health .

Of course , because mindfully with tamesha is the podcast , is a podcast that focuses on wholesomeness , the mental wholesomeness , and being in , because we are joining this campaign and bringing it to you for men only in november . Okay , uh , watch out for spaces .

Uh , mindfully with tamesha on instagram , on threads , and uh , tamesha okuku on um or on x also , and mindfully , tamesha on x , also , tamesha okuku , and just maybe just look for my name on instagram and on facebook . The link to where you can find us , though , is in the show notes , but , for this , fight for life can be fight for life campaign .

Please follow us on my food to michelle on instagram , where we will be posting everything about this event . Again , remember , it's for men and women , uh , who love the men , can send the men to this event details soon and , of course , you will be seeing and hearing from me a whole lot um on this uh campaign of fight for life .

Again , please follow us on mindfully with sumishe on instagram threads and x . Would really love to hear from you . Our details will come soon . My name is oluwa sumishe . Thank you for tuning in to mindfully withumishe . Remember to live presently , cherish your relationships and , most importantly based above we talked about today cherish and love yourself .

Until next time , stay curious . It's time to take it home . We could all be there tomorrow , but our love will carry on . When you know your days are numbered and you're looking in my eyes . It's not the end of you , cause the energy never dies . Oh , oh , oh , oh , oh , oh . He never dies .