Personal Growth through Questioning and Forgiveness

This is going to be the 48th episode for this year and I'm glad that I was able to leave um , what the tenets of what we're trying to preach Mindfully , with Tumisha , alongside some friends who have come , some doctors who have come to share their thoughts on how to live mindfully , and we also talked around the narratives and the language , around mental health ,

communication and conversations . But this episode is going to be very short because I'm going to be sharing some concepts , um , and some parts of myself and how , and if you're like me , I hope it helps you . It might not , because everyone is different and that's the beauty of humanity , the difference .

Humanities are different in the power , in our diversity , so let's get into it . There's something about the end of the calendar year that always feels reflective to me and for me , maybe it's the way the world poses ever so slightly offering us a chance to back up or back off , or look back before we look ahead .

But , to be honest , it's never been easy for me to sink into the euphoria that seems to envelope this time of the year . Now , don't get me wrong , I love Christmas . Now don't get me wrong , I love Christmas .

My decorations go up the first week of November and sometimes I try to make it the first day of November , but when life happens , it never goes beyond the first week of November . And , yes , I am that person who watches Christmas movies all year round .

And then the new movies for the year will start in November , in September , yes , september , all through to January . So , um , I love Christmas movies . I think I said that but this newfound craze for what we now call dirty , I've never been able to get into it .

Let me tell you , in my early 20s , mid-20s , even going into late 20s , I would make sure that the whole of December I was fasting . Nobody was asking me to fast , it was just me trying to remove myself from that euphoria of everything that's happening at the end of the year .

It was a way of me grounding myself and way before I became , you know , the advocate for living mindfully . I remember 20 let's start with 2003 . A friend asked me Christmas . I had locked myself in my room , I had bought a set of I think that's the mark of lion stories by franzen ravers .

And I locked myself in the room from the 24th and I didn't come out until the 27th , I think . And then she , she goes like how do you do it ? How do you step out of this ? But this has always been me again , I , I don't know how to explain that . And then , of course , that's the frenzy of writing goals and setting them .

Oh , that usually gets me on right . But here's the first concept Ever heard of the hedonic treadmill . If you have not , I give you permission to search it out and understand the whole concept and the metaphor of the hedonic treadmill . But I'll give you a general idea .

It's easy idea that no matter what we achieve , no matter how high we climb , we eventually return to the same baseline of happiness . It is why the things we think will make us happy often don't . And honestly , that's how goal setting felt for me for the longest time , like I was running in place , never truly satisfied .

Before I get into the details , let me take you back just a little . I grew up under the leadership of sam adyemi , of course . You know him a man who could preach about goal setting until your ears fell off and for the longest time I thought something was wrong with me , because I couldn't seem to get it right .

Everyone around me seemed to be smashing the goals , moving forward , ticking all the right boxes , and there was me . Were my goals not smart enough ? These were my questions . Was it me that wasn't smart ? These , again , are my questions . If you ever felt this way , like if you ever asked yourself that question is it that my goals are not smart ?

Is it me that's not smart or I don't understand ? Go set me , you are not alone . I've been writing goal things since 2002 . Sometimes I hit the jackpot , but most of the time I'd draw a blank . Most of the time I drew blanks . By 2015 I'd had enough . Goal setting became too difficult to write , let alone follow through . Life would just happen .

I'd spent three days brainstorming , two more days writing and still feel like I was ruining on that proverbial or yeah , proverbial hedonic treadmill . But one thing I'm not . I'm not a quitter . I was determined to find what could work for me . Something had to change and eventually it did .

The turning point came in two parts A goal-setting method that felt like it was tailored to me , that I found somewhere online , and a concept that completely refrained how I approach reflection . That concept is question thinking , and I got it from the book Change your Question , change your Life by Mary Lee Adams .

The first quote that grabbed my attention was great results begin with great questions . Think about that for a moment . How can you expect to get the right answers without first asking the right questions ? The questions themselves are quite simple , very , very simple . You probably have asked yourself these questions . Simple , very , very simple .

You probably have asked yourself these questions , but to me they carry so much weight . Question number one are you willing to take responsibility for your mistakes and the attitudes , actions or inactions that brought you here , or inactions that brought you here ? Are you willing to forgive yourself , even laugh at yourself , for these mistakes that you've identified ?

Are you willing to look for value in your experiences , especially the difficult ones ? And the final question are you willing to learn from what happened and make changes accordingly ? Oh , needless to say , this question's changed everything for me and to me . These questions changed everything for me and to me .

See , it spoke to the essence of living mindfully and 2015, . I was not even near writing the book Living Mindfully A Journey to being , but these questions took me to the place that served me the most . I've told you before that I'm one of those first people who will sit on the metaphoric self-evaluating chair , sometimes at least to self-deprecation .

But this question changed everything for me . The longest time I wasn't asking the right question , I was stuck in judgment , asking myself why can't I get this right or why I am not smart enough to hit my goals . But question thinking teaches how to approach reflection with wait for it , curiosity , not criticism .

It shifts your focus from what's wrong to what's possible , and that's when I started to step off the hedonic treadmill . Instead of chasing an elusive happiness tied to external achievements , I began to find fulfillment in the process , in learning , in unlearning , in relearning , in growing and , the most important part , in simply being so .

As we all wrap up this year and look forward to the next calendar year , I want to invite you to pause , like , truly pause . Take a step back from the noise , from the pressure to make big plans or set perfect goals Instead . May I invite you to start with this question who am I becoming ? Because , at the end of the day , isn't that what truly matters ?

Isn't that what truly matters ? So , before I round this up again , I go over the questions . Are you willing to take responsibility for your mistakes , the attitudes , the actions or inactions that brought you here ? Question number two are you willing to forgive yourself and even laugh at yourself for those mistakes ?

Question number three are you willing to look for value in your experiences , especially the difficult ones ? And the question number four are you willing to learn from what happened and make changes accordingly ? These questions changed me .

It might not work for you , but if it's not about goal setting to me , it might not work for you , but if it's not about goal setting , there are also questions that you could easily just look at as you try to become in the new year . Remember , the question for the year is who am I becoming ? So ?

And that wraps up the last episode of the year 2024 with Mindful Utenashi , the podcast . Of course , you can catch me on Watch FM on Saturdays 6 to 7 , again for the radio version of Mindful Utenashi .

All right , so next year is going to be fun . It's going to start off fun . Of course , the the mindful events are gonna continue . That's a fight for life series . We have one for women and one for men , and we hope to take it to schools as the year runs . So just stick with us , follow us , follow me .

My influence mission , my team and I will be glad to walk with you . Walk with you , walk with you and we can hold each other's hands as we try to change and heal this world . A person at a time , a person at a time . Follow me . I would appreciate it .

I would appreciate if you follow on Mindful YouTube , mindful YouTube on Instagram and everywhere , and if you follow this podcast , I'll be totally , totally grateful to you . Share also , someone might be out there who needs it . A huge , huge thank you . Next year , we start with two powerful conversations .

We start with two powerful conversations One with the person who wrote the foreword , the Living Mindfully , the Journey to being , and we do a deep dive into the book . And then the second is with the young God himself , ruotli Omokache , and these two conversations , I believe , will set the tone for Mindfully With Tumishe for the year 2025 .

Love yourself , love your neighbor , love your country . Above all of these , love God . He is the essence of your being . Stay mindful , the essence of your being . Stay mindful . And the question for the year again is who am I becoming ? Thank you , two bags at midnight . They've been there for weeks . You don't know what goodbye means .

Just roll up your cigarette , just forget about this mess . I'm waiting on the sidelines . From the sidelines , I see there's tears in your eyes and I feel so helpless inside . Oh , love , there's no need to hide . Just let me love you when your heart is tired .