Navigating Love and Boundaries

We also touch on the debates that's constantly on social media these days the type of ceremony that is approved . Is it customary ? That's traditional or white wedding or church blessing , depending on how you view it or what side of the divide you are on . It is about to get interesting in here , so let's get to it . I am Uluwatu Mishi . Hola da ko Kuku .

Alex kept gazing at Sharon where she lay on his couch , fiddling with her phone . All day she had been hunting down wedding deals online and showing him pictures of ideas she would like to incorporate into their bed date . If he was being honest with himself , though , it was getting harder to focus on the things she was showing him .

The smell of her feminine perfume kept on travelling through his nostrils whenever she scooted over to where he was seated on the couch , and the way her eyes packed every time she saw something she really loved . Her lips were so perfectly shaped , small and pouty , and when she smiled that looked even more adorable .

It was getting increasingly difficult not to just pull her to him and kiss her . Dude , you know , that's a terrible idea , he questioned himself in his heart , and last time you tried that , it was near impossible to stop . Remember , if not for your gate man that rang the doorbell to announce that pizza had been delivered . Babe , it's getting late .

When do you intend to head out ? He asked gruffly . Uh-huh , are you chasing me and what's up with your voice ? Sharon retorted , looking up to give him a displaced look . Her look quickly changed to one of concern when she saw the strained expression on his face . What's up , babe , you good ?

Yeah , it's just that it's getting quite late and you know I don't like you on the road at this time and I don't like driving after dark . Is that why you look so tense ? I'm good , babe , and you don't have to drive . I can do an Uber . It's just past nine . I don't know how we both got carried away and weren't conscious of the time .

Maybe past nine is just . He cut in brusquely Babe , are you sure you're good ? She was really concerned . Now she moved over to his side of the chair and touched his face , babe , by the idea he whispered let's go , I'll drop you off at home before I get both of us in trouble and lose you . Her eyes widened , finally understanding what his concern was .

They had been at this bridge before . She desperately hoped they didn't fall off this time . And with that I welcome you to the second part of Beyond Romance with Ayo Daniels . How did you feel hearing that ? Oh , are you thinking , ayo . Did you feel hearing that ? Oh , are you thinking , oh did you write that , I was .

I know people will say it's Paul that is causing all this marital sex crime , that is because of him , that if Paul did not , it's Paul , that is is because and I'm not even kidding , I have I told you before I have this interesting conversation with people .

They , they believe it's impossible that because of these restrictions but we do know that maybe because he wasn't married

I say this sometimes to those of us who are married , that when you are having sex with your spouse , what do you think God will be doing ? Because the Bible says he sees all things . Will he be covering his eyes ? So the Bible says he sees all things . Will he be covering his eyes ? The Bible says everything is laid bare before him .

And , as a matter of fact , I say to people if you are not somewhat or somehow attracted to the person you are getting married to , don't marry them . As in abort mission . Abort mission there is nothing , Maybe their nose , maybe their hair , whatever it is that is your own softness or soft spot . You must have something .

You have to put the pot in between your leg . You hold it with your leg . So the first time I saw PF was trying to make something , we were all there together . It was on location . I saw a laugh . You know PF now yellow fever . When I saw a laugh , I said , oh boy , you're in trouble . And thank God because at that time the date has been set .

If you don't have like , let's put it the word that is being used today if you know girl chemistry , may you abort that , as in abort , the mission , just abort .

And you don't just want to be with them , you won't stretch your hand , touch . So if there is nothing like that , you just say you are in the spirit every time I beg about that mission canal question here .

There are things that they call .

If you don't have , if you don't get , problem . So this is what I say to prevent . If you listen to watch to me , she read because they are starters , good starters for a good , uh , sexual meal . So they are called four .

Please , if you are not ready to play , don't do the for okay , if you're ready to play in the foot rules of engagement , because I'm not .

So the story is how they got angry , where Sharon got angry and they were already in some form of therapy . So , yes , I jumped . For those who have not read the book , I'll just quickly tell you what happened . So they had some anger issues as they were trying to find themselves .

So that's where you , where you read through courtship , you read some of the chapters . Let me just run through the chapters quickly so that we can talk about that . So the first chapter says knowing who you are , recognizing your need for help knit , knowing who to marry , friendship , dating and courtship . Guidepost to courtship . We just finished sexuality revealed .

We are now at rules of engagement , where they're trying to set certain rules for themselves . So , forgiveness , is it practiced during courtship or is it a lifelong thing ? Because that's what I wrote in my notes .

The truth is that the closest the , the person who is going to hurt us the most , are the closest people to us , and when you're talking about relationship , that's your spouse . So , uh , it's something that everyone should be practicing on a daily basis , even before you consider a relationship that will lead into marriage . So it's a lifetime thing .

It's actually the nature , and if you are indeed spiritual , you find out that in your relationship with your maker , that is what holds that relationship . It doesn't hold on to your inadequacies , it doesn't hold on to your thoughts . It's something that gives us the confidence to always want to maintain that relationship with him .

So , if you put it in the context of relationship , that's what helps our relationship to grow is there anything unforgivable ? is there anything unforgivable ? As I'm sitting here with you , I'll make this statement boldly there is nothing you and I both .

Yeah , yeah , I said to you even , even for those who are unforgivable adultery is forgivable yeah , you see why he's my pastor .

Like I said , I used to say 95% , Make that 60 . But the dynamics of what is happening around us today is like what is happening at the Corinthians space . Corinth was a cosmopolitan city . I mean all kinds of things do happen , and these days , with the issue of 30 December and all that , all kinds of things are happening right before our nose .

So you can't . But whatever happens , anything can be forgiven If we choose to . That's the thing .

I'm divorcing you because of this Once you do it five times you are good to go . You don't even need to visit any courts . That's why it was very easy to write a certificate of divorce for that woman At the well of sight , so she just decided not to go to any court to go ? Did she decide to be doing living in ?

So one full year between when our parents met and the wedding , one year . So by October I was sleeping , I'm not even kidding . By March my dresses were ready and everything . So by October I was sleeping , I'm not even kidding . Like by March my dresses were ready and everything .

So by October we got married in December , by October , everything I know , since we weren't paying for it anyways . So , like I said , I cannot relate , but speak to those that can relate . Like what is the stress about the ceremony , though ?

So some people see all these glamorous weddings you know what we see every day on TV , on TikTok , on Instagram Just click here and there and everybody I mean human beings we just want to do something unique for ourselves and all that , and behind those unique things , it causes stress for so many people . So everybody wants to do this and all that .

The things that are not . So . That's guide . Yeah , it's simply number one . I like the kind of wedding some people any wedding that is between one person to 250 people that's a moderate wedding . Anything above 200 to like 500 , that is a moderate one . That's a conservative wedding is 1 to 200 , 200 to 350 , 500 , that's a moderate wedding .

Anything above 500 500 is moderate . No , anything above 500 is a societal wedding , so I think the pressure usually comes from how many people ? So you look at your family , the two families , what kind of people they are socially Some of these things are cultural .

So once you look at it , family , the two families , what kind of people they are socially uh , it's , some of these things are cultural . So once you look at it , okay , there are people get involved in the social circles . The next question uh , if you are preparing for a wedding , who pays for what ? In fact , who pays for what ?

We determine the kind of ceremony that you want to have . So , if people can know what are the most essential things when someone is getting married the couple , the program for the wedding the stakeholders once they are there . I mean I've seen all kinds of I've walked through with people all kinds of weddings .

So you are looking for how to save money and there are cancelled in that book how to save money if also the other side to it is . If you want to go all out , there is that principle of planning . I mean , I've gotten involved with couples who even up till the morning of their wedding , the guy is still looking for a tie .

Where to buy a tie , or where to buy a pair of shoes ?

So you , it's something that you can really plan out and if you're boxed up , there is also that advice look for a wedding planner and so you just put your legs on the dashboard and enjoy the ride by that's and if you can pay for it . So you just put your legs on the dashboard and enjoy the ride . Why that's ? And if you can pay for it .

So we just with that chapter , just to help people to plan , because it's very important . Most of the time I've seen situation where the two people are getting married . One of them passed out on wedding day as a result of exhaustion , we can just help people to be able to plan Some people , and that's the weddings . personally , that .

I've conducted , that I've enjoyed where we just have few people , that I've enjoyed where we just have few people . I mean nobody . We ask you 10 years after , 20 years , after the kind of ceremonies that you had .

You want to uh , do golden celebration , whatever you want to do , and then you want to do or do a war you can do whatever you want to do with that , all right .

So if you are getting married in church , which people call white wedding , you are doing that in cooperation with the law of the state .

If you see most of the certificate that is given to people like , for example , in Nigeria , here so that's Advocate Monspea , federal Republic of Nigeria the state has a registry because they need to take the records of all those who are getting married . The state also recognizes customary wedding . So this is what I advise Customary says these two people .

They are committed to each other and they are our witnesses . So their family stands as witnesses . So , from culture to culture , they have the things that they do or they see as wedding and some of those things are actually biblical taking dowry , uh , introduction to people get two families getting to know each other .

And then they go , they have what is called ceremony . Genesis 24 gives us the whole notes of that engagement and all that . It's just for the sake of accountability to say , oh , this person is not mekisedek , who has no family , who has no one .

So , uh , if anything wrong is goes wrong , we know that we can identify these goats or this sheep has an oku on the neck , yeah so those layers of things are layers of just accountability . So what is advice ? In Nigeria , for example , if the two families meet and then you decide to do engagement court wedding , we call it court wedding .

So you go before the stage , you take a note and this stage , the way that is done . You have counselors there , you have things , so they sign up , they issue that certificate directly . You are married . In some of our culture , once you do the customary things , you are also married . You are not helping some people right now .

I I don't hear from uh muslims whether they are saying that nikah has to be done or not , but I know that the big joke , the major of the question , is with the church after the customary , customary wedding . So um is still is this going to build on to what the family decide ?

to conduct wedding , because the state has a lot to do with families If you choose to do a church wedding , for example . So this is what happened between the entire interface between the state and the church . So you make you still have to go through making a requisition to the state that you are getting married .

So in most registries it's a 21 days notice , so it's pasted there with your photographs and all that in case anyone has an objection , anyone has something , and then there is taking of an oath , something , and then there is taking of an oath if that person , still within their family , wants a church wedding , so they take that church that is conducting that

wedding must be registered with the state yeah , so the church in the state so they get . They would have given the church the certificate . So just take a slip from the state , from the registry , to the church . That they can do .

home . So , but there is to avoid the complications and the questions and all that , because what you have happening most of the time is a question Someone has gone to do customary wedding and is hoping that he will do church wedding in another one year . You are just delaying what is not . So why not do the ceremony ?

Let it be back to back so that you don't have to wait , because I know that there are questions ? So why not do the ceremony ? Let it be back to back so that you don't have to wait , because I know that there are questions . So can I sleep with my husband ? Can ?

, if you've listened to mindfully , to michelle long enough , you know that I am particular about parenting .

So the , the goal here is we want to , we want to lead , uh , an army of the healed right , an army of the healed . It stops here . It stops with you . We are starting and this is I would . I would love for you to believe the way I believe , but no , this is not just because of the way I believe , but it stops here . It stops here with you .

If you don't want your children sitting on the proverbial chair of the psychiatrist , my psychiatrist friends that will be saying hi , do you want to send that out ? No , I'm not sending out what you still have . People , not everybody , will be healed .

That's the uncomfortable truth , yeah , but if you aren't listening to this , you have the opportunity , the privilege to begin to work if you've not had , if you don't have a relationship yet , please get beyond romance . If you have a relationship already , get , get Beyond Romance . If you're already married , get Beyond Romance .

Because , yeah , I read it , though , like I said , there's some parts I couldn't relate , like , see , let me tell you something . My husband and I left the people that were partying at the party . So if you put that onto Patin , we left , you put it onto Patin . You know , again , we're going to get to the structure of the book .

Of course , the way we were speaking , you know that he was very , very instrumental into my relationship and , hey , I had to bring him here full circle , 18 years , no . So what Beyond Romance is is like a checklist , or a checklist of what you could do from before , during and after .

And the fun part I'm going to get to in a moment , because I was trying to ask should I do this , should I do that ? I will do it the first night . It's inside the book the first night night , how to navigate the first night why not the wedding ceremony ? the first night .

The first night , let's talk about it , and there's a lot of layers to the first night . There are people who who married virgins and there are people who I mean in 2024 , 2025 yeah , there's two people , and there are people who did not marry virgins by virtue of a lot of things . It could be by virtue of rape or their own personal decisions .

There are couples who marry one person who is a virgin , the other person is not , so there's plenty of things going on on the wedding night . Take the mic .

Uh , access cancelling uh I mean some of is highly recommended in these rules of engagement . One of the things you need to do once you you know that this person looks like someone I want to share my life with , start counselling and there are professional counsellors now who can actually help to provide that soft landing .

So that's where you get healed from the family of origin that you've mentioned , from the family of origin that you've mentioned . That's where you can have you look forward to many things . So , if you have a professional counselor working with that couple , one of the topics in premarital counseling session will be on sex , will be on , probably , how to prepare .

There are some couples who don't want to have start having kids immediately . Such pre-marital counseling will help you . This is what you to do . A lot of people , for example , just get on family planning plans . That wasn't recommended by doctors .

It's also very dangerous so dangerous in the sense that once the wedding is getting closer , your counsellor will probably help you . I have a discussion with a doctor to help you be able to get yourself . What are the options that are available in terms of family planning ? I've had a couple who said , oh , we won't have kids until two years .

The very first night they scored the goal . So you just have to be informed . That's the thing . And the other one was saying , ah , just like that , he's just one . I said , well , what were you expecting ? So , if that is the case ? So handling that first night . So you also mentioned the category of people and all that .

There are people who didn't have sex before they get married . We call some who are virgins , so that's primary virginity . Those who stayed away even though they've not had sex for a while , that's secondary virginity . So in whatever category , there is full of anxiety that night .

So the best way is to , and during counseling session they would have mentored that person . If I want to give anybody any gift , if I have to take them to , I give you KY jelly . It's a good lubricant .

You don't , um , one of the things that I recommend to people , uh , when they are preparing to get married for the man you read every woman it's a medical book , every woman it's . It's something you need to understand . The physiology of a woman .

It's not , forgive me , the front is not , you are not just pressing like a ball of that , so you must know the physiology of a woman .

You ask yourself you're married , where do you like to be touched , what turns you off , and all that . So open your heart . Sex is on heart . You learn it , you cultivate it , you become better at it . So , handling the first night , if before you kick the ball you already scored off , you already scored . So it's part of the learning experience .

And then if you know that you are anxious I put that in that book If you know that you are very anxious , you don't have to have sex the first night . If you are tired and exhausted , just skip it to the following morning . And for your information , Ali and the morning sex are sweeter than any other .

You don't need to leave that garden . If you leave any garden without cultivating it , bushes and all that they grow up , they'll share the nutrients . So there are many distractions .

If there are resolve issues , bitterness , anger , backbiting , in whatever form things we sweep under the carpet , it will not allow us to heed ourselves , to be able to enjoy our marriage . The first three years in the life of any newly married couple , it's very important those three years .

If people don't pay close attention , those are the things that all those unresolved issues are , the things that become the force that eventually break such homes . If you listen to married couples who divorce after so many years , they usually make references to the things that happen at the onset of their marriage , which is the first three years .

It's a storming period of their marriage , which is the first three years . It's a storming period . But what does a sufferer do ? He watches the wave and uses that wave to glide into victory . So marriage is good . Irrespective of what we've been made to believe , it's still the best institution ordained by God for the welfare and happiness of mankind .

Promise you'll wait for me , I'll go , take off you every day , my love .