Love Unspoken: Honoring Relationships Before It's Too Late

It's about how we perceive love , how we receive love , how we give love and sometimes , how we might wait too long to express it . Before I go on , though , I need to put this out there that this is my reflection , and it may resonate with you differently than I have processed it .

I hope , however , that it will be a self-conversation starter for you in how you relate to some certain social media lingua , and the one I'm trying to explore today is the one that has become so beautifully prevalent in our day-to-day language . Give me my flowers now .

This particular thought I began to pen down way back in 2021 , when I was going through a season of loss . It was a thought about how we tend to eulogize people in death more than we honor them in life , so I'm inviting you to .

Let's talk , let's reflect some , let's get a little bit uncomfortable , but also I get to the main gist of this conversation today , or this rant , whatever it is you want to call it . And I believe these stories are very universal . Yet they can be personalized if we allow ourselves to remove the lenses of judgment that we wear .

And judgment here means that the lesson , the lenses of how you see things outside of objectivity . So start story one say you have been friends with someone for so long and then life just happened . You believe that you have done everything to keep this person in your life .

You have reached out , you've attended all their invitations , whether it was comfortable or not comfortable for you , you have been there for them in the good and , what you believe , the bad times . On your end , the connection feels so strong . But you also perceive that this energy is not matching energy for energy .

So you get to the point that you tell yourself I'm not going to stay where , I'm not welcome . There's no beef , there's no bad blood . You just got to that realization that this person's well , let's call it a role in your life is over , maybe the sense that before you did , but now you have . You've gotten there .

Now you still do chit-chat in these days , find yourselves on social media streets and salute each other so warmly and familiarly . Then you begin to wonder why can't we keep this energy up in real life , wonder why can't we keep this energy up in real life anyways ?

Fast forward to a well-lived life , kind of death , or maybe it's even a violent one or a just because kind of transition . Let me ask you , will you not mourn what has been , what was , what could have been and what it is ?

Strange as it might sound and I know I'm sounding like some new age guru right now At the center of the news of eternal transition , all emotions , good , bad , ugly and everything in between vanishes and you will want to keep the good memories .

I think it's a kind of coping mechanism , simple , no matter how much you try to fight it , the bad experiences with this person or these persons in your life will matter very little . Now let's move on to people that you just met in life , not there from your beginning , but very instrumental in this phase of life that you are .

Everything is going on fine , you have the same energy , love is flowing effortlessly . Wow , you say to yourself , have finally found my tribe .

And you're there , cruising in blissful ignorance , not known exactly what or having an idea what kind of tribe this new tribe member had before they came into your life , the kind of tribe they are building or the kind of tribe that they have . Of course I'm sure you know the tribe here does not have any ethnic color or a tribal color .

Then you begin to get deeper into this new tribe members life . You have become as Yoruba people will say no see , no sleep . Then you begin to really see and you found they

have been masks all along . Your core values don't really align . This person isn't a bad person but for all that they have done in becoming your life and to you , you find that after such a long emotional investment that you do not align , then you are the one who moves on , not because you hate this person or dislike them or aiming negative thing .

They have not done you anything wrong . You know they've not done badly . You just want to protect yourself . There's the sense of self-preservation that is so deep and strong and you just want to step away .

And after this epiphany , this realization , this revelation , this tribe member remains in the tribe but their role in the order of things in your life is now managed , is now managed . Now let's fast forward again to the needs of a transition to eternity .

After the shock , I can almost guarantee you that one of the first memories that will come back rushing is that of the beginning of the formation of the tribe with the tribe member , and how beautiful it was and enabling and invigorating the ugly .

Memory will only flash through , and when they do , you might then even begin to question yourself , begin to question yourself what if I had not ?

Maybe if I had now , before I continue again with the stories , I feel so compelled to repeat that this is not a universal thought process , for I have met some people who , either by design or nurture , won't spare a moment for somber emotions or reflections that come with transitioning desk .

Maybe that is also some sort of coping mechanism , or maybe it's just no words . Now there are another sets of people that one will meet in this journey called life . They only pop in when the need arises and you only pop into their life when the need arises , and that's about it . That's what the universe meant for the relationship to be like .

Pursue anything deeper and you might just truly get hurt , and a person that was supposed to be there for just a moment or several moments in life becomes what we now call an enemy , a hater , and all the titular social media designations we give to these people that we perceive not to align with our perception , then again , you know what I'm going to say .

Right , the news drops and the questions start . I dare

say again , before the off-main moments of this fleeting relationship are explored at the scent of that news , the most probable memory that will pop up is the first moment they popped into your life . Alright , I know you're wondering , tumishi , where are you going with all of this ? Don't worry , I'll try to round this up very soon .

Don't worry , I'll try to round this up very soon . There's actually something psychological about all the stories and how we deal with life , why the brain tend to romanticise after loss . Our brains in grief often protect us , they filter , we forget the sharp edges and hold on to the curves . It's a coping mechanism .

It doesn't mean the pain wasn't real , it just means memory wants peace . So when you hear people say , but why are you mourning ? You weren't even that close . Remember this Grieve isn't a receipt , it is not about proof , it's about impact . Now let's break this down , or attempt to break it down , because not all relationships are built the same .

The first one , of course , is the perceived , unreciprocated friend . You showed up , you stayed , you did spread . Yet you love them and that Sometimes we reach out so much we forget to check if anyone else is reaching out back , and when we stop , the silence is loud , but still you remember them warmly . That's not weakness , that's your strength .

The second one , of course , is the almost tribe . You found someone , you vibed , you thought finally my person . But as layers peeled , your values misaligned . The masks slept , not in a villainous way , just differently built . It hurts , yes , because you invested , but working away is in betrayal . It is self-preservation and the seasonal presence .

Some people are only here for a moment . The colleague who helped you through a rough patch , the neighbor who dropped off food when you were sick , the prayer partner who vanished , trying to stretch them into forever , can break you . Let them be what they are or what they were meant to be , some kind of divine cameo appearances in your life .

So let's get a little mindful , pardon the pun right here . Let's do a quick exercise together . Think of someone who meant something to you , even if it ended strangely . Now ask what flower did they plant in your life ? What memory still blooms ? And now , who are you not giving flowers to , and what's stopping you ?

Sometimes we're waiting for bouquets from people who don't even know we're hungry for one . And remembering how I ran , this was thought of back in 2021

. If no one is giving you flowers , please buy your own . Cut them , smell them , put them in a vase and whisper I am worthy because you are . Love yourself loudly , love others freely , but never forget . Your validation is sacred and it starts with you . I'll wrap this up for today .

Remember that life is layered , people are complex , that presence is a gift and sometimes the flower we give today becomes the memory someone holds tomorrow . So if you must give the flowers , give them . Say the words Be mindful , be here , be present , be love . This is Zuluwa Tsuneshe , still giving and receiving flowers , still believing in the power of presence .

Until next time , please follow Mindful Tsuneshe on all socials . Leave a note about what you think about this episode . Just look at the description and you'll see a link there that simply says send us a text and a follow , or your rating will go a long way to suggesting this

podcast to someone or people who might need it . So thank you in advance , as you're ready to follow . Love yourself , love your neighbor , love your country . Above all of this , love God . He is the essence of your being .

We'll get back to conversations next week and that conversation , I trust you , you do not want to miss is about special needs parenting and special needs kids . You don't want to miss that . I am Uluwatsumishi , stay mindful .