¶ Living Mindfully
Hi , mindful Partners , and welcome to a special edition yeah , very special edition of Mindfully with Tumishe . I had thought this was going to happen virtually , but I'm so grateful that it is not happening virtually , so grateful that it is not happening virtually .
It's a full circle moment for living mindfully , a journey to being , and , much as we reference the book every time , we have conversations on this table and um , we rarely talk about the book . So probably this will be the first time we will truly talk about the book . And you know why the person who wrote the foreword to this book is here with me .
He's my best friend and , yeah , all you girls don't , you're okay , but for those who follow me , well , you know , I said that I should have had a cheap rice man . So my cheap rice man is here , hi .
Hey , how you doing . How are you ? It's good to be here , I know that's right . I was actually reading the foreword , the foreword , my foreword .
Do you want to read it , or do you want me to read it ?
You can read it , and then let's talk about it .
Yeah , all right . So let me read it .
I mean because , of course , it captures the soul of the book . I believe , yeah , Okay .
So let's just say , I'll read it , yeah . And then we then become broadcasters , the broadcasters that we are .
Absolutely .
Yeah , is that okay ?
Let's do it All right .
The book Living Mindfully A Journey Into being provides a tour of the mind through diverse yet simple concepts , all converging at a conclusion almost acceptable to many .
Come back to the moment With the use of scenarios , analysis of quotes , school of thought , spirituality , religion , philosophy , psychology , sociology and nature , tsumhsha engages the open and willing mind , both with childlike innocence and sincerity of expressions , without losing the profundity of the book's message .
In this book , which made me pause many times to reflect on truths that gently embraced my heart and reached out to the depths of my awakening , the reader is invited to stop , breathe , notice , reflect , respond and resolve .
While handling down the breakdown of these ideas , she touches on what many proclaim to have answers for , but which get more confusing except we find and embrace our personal truths . One of such is the simplification of our personal perception of the word ego , acceptance and embrace of our imperfection and utilization of the divine gift of intuition .
Living mindfully is intellectual and spiritual a poor dot yet coherent and spiritual , a poor dot yet coherent . It is scholarly and informal , but at the heart of the book , it is simple , personal and conversational .
In less than 72 pages , a companion is offered by the writer to those who are interested in non-judgmental , non-prejudice explorations of ways to embrace ourselves as we are , life as it is , our destiny as it unfolds by living in the moment . We'll watch to you , james , papa T now , that simply reminded me yeah of how I traveled through the book .
Remember we went through different manuscripts .
And I remember saying just read it . Just read it . Just read it like we're having a conversation , don't try to misquotate it , just read it . This is a question I've never asked you . The first time you read the first draft , what came to your mind ?
In my mind .
I saw , through the manuscript , a mind that seems scattered through different thoughts , different opinions , different , you know , positions on things , but at the same time , which still comes together and I thought to myself people need to , as the book says be mindful be in the moment to be able to bring all this together , and that's why I said you know it's been
poked out and yet it's coherent .
Yeah .
You started with the story of this semi-madman , if I still remember clearly . Yeah , and all that and all that . People's perception , the person's own perception of self and you . The observer is perception , so we're looking at three different things at the same time .
And each perspective , the person represented in each perspective , could feel that his or his own perspective is absolute , that this is the only truth there is . For instance , you couldn't tell the semi-madman woman at that time you're mad actually .
Yeah , he's like I'm not mad .
Yes , maybe you're the one that is mad to think that I am mad yeah you know , and then you drift , after telling that story , you drift into other things . You know , you talk about ego , you know .
You talk about the mind , you talk about intuition , you talk about , you know , people having the struggle and , as you also said , you also probably said that you have problems or issues or challenges . Yeah , defining ego ? Yeah , yeah , and for me , at that time I realized that it was to be honest , I had to go to google I know right .
Yeah , I mean , despite the fact that you know I'd studied psychology , I mean spirituality , and we've talked about ego and all that , I had to go back and ask again , like a child , what the word ego represents .
So when I read the first manuscript , I saw a lot of things firing here and there , here and there that it takes mindfulness to be able to bring everything together and now intuitively understand what the book is saying .
Trying to say .
It's trying to say you know , and in less than 70 pages , that's . That's , those 70 pages took me a long time to read . I know it took you four months to reply me and at a point I got , so you know , frustrated with myself that I said don't you think you want somebody else to do this ?
and I said that it will be ready when it's , when it is ready .
Yeah , because , just like you know , the manuscript you know metamorphosed into the book itself . It's a lot . It's a lot to put together . It's a lot . It's just 70 pages , but you read a chapter and you pause .
You know , you read a part of the book and you pause , either because you want to understand it or because it reminds you of something you have to think about before you come back to that same spot . You know where you read something .
So , and I knew that for me to put everything together , you know , in a page , I needed to be , I needed to merge with it and with life's demands every day , and I felt that I would be betraying the real essence of the book by just writing something . So , jumping with you through the manuscript from different things you were putting , you made me jump around .
I jumped around a lot .
I apologize . Yes , not apologize . Okay . So would you agree with a friend of mine , I think Adedayo yeah , he's not I think it's Adedayo Derino who said to me that you know , maybe because you were trying to breathe with the messaging , because everything , just like you said , everything was everywhere . There's a lot of concepts .
Would you agree with him that I didn't do a deep dive ? And I think , terry , I said that also .
You said that before me I was going there . Yeah , yeah , yeah , you said that before me I was going there .
Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Yeah , I think this could have been if you took all the time . It could conveniently be a 200-page book . True , it could conveniently be a 400-page book . Yeah , it's like you write a paper and your professor tells you this thing you gave to me in two pages , you haven't done justice . This could come in 10 pages .
You gotta go back , so , I think , in a bit , to put this out there and , uh , to not defeat the unfolding of the book or the presentation of the book or the manifestation of the book . You didn't want to take all the time in the world and that's why I said so much was compressed into less than 70 pages .
The book convenient because terry , you know , my friend in , yeah , in ohio was like when is she gonna do ? Is she gonna do something more comprehensive ? Is she gonna write another ?
book .
Answer to that , terry yeah , yes , yeah , because she said she said at a point that she traveled and when she traveled she took the book along . She had to take time to reach . You have to .
You know she read intentionally and when you read the book intentionally it makes you it's like 70 pages , but if you're not careful you you could end up not reading the whole book in a year .
Yeah , I'm not trying to no , I know , I know , I know exactly what you're saying you know , and this is why I and and this is why I agree with you a couple of people would read the book , and I'll get a message that the way on , who do you think you are ?
For seven days , somebody actually said to me that she was on the way to work , she's in her car and work , she's a car , and then she's reading . Who do you think you are ? She had read it overnight .
I mean , you know , was supposed to remember , was supposed to come in the workbook , or mm-hmm , but and then I just said no , you know , however , people wanted to relate to this book .
And then somebody else she said that and another person comes to me and , like , said she stayed on monkey mind , or he noticed , as a he that he stayed on monkey mind for about a week to , and then I began to ask myself okay , um , did I rush the smoke ? Because you remember we're just supposed to be an eversion . You know that's what .
Did I rush this book ? Because you remember it was just supposed to be an e-version . That's where we started . Did I rush this book ? I can conveniently , maybe because I've written the second book I can conveniently say that it wasn't rushed , and I'll tell you why . I can tell those who've read it that there's going to be a living , mindfully revised edition .
That is going to happen Because even when I read it , I'm like , ah , should I say something ? You know , and that was because at the time of writing , I was not ready to tell some stories . I was not ready to tell some stories and I needed to .
I am committed to writing stories from the place of healing and not adding to literature that people then says oh see , that person , you understand . Um , so , writing a second book . And I look at the second book and I'm like , oh , yeah , now the storyteller is ready to tell a story . So for me , this is how it now looks , this is how this is okay .
Living mindfully , a journey to being is what she's doing to navigate . And then her mother's daughter , which is going to come out , is how she got there . The third book , which is going to come out , is how she got there . Okay , the third book , which is also already being written , when depression makes sense , is how she got there .
Um , it's like I'm telling the story of my life from the back to people . You know , I didn't want people to hear the broken girl first , I wanted people to hear the healed girl first and then see the brokenness before we get to the heat and then , oh , that's what happened there . Oh , that's what happened there . Yeah , I think that's big .
It doesn't't trust me . It took me . It's this year . I got to this place because I got people like Terry , like Dio , like I said and like you said , like the first time you read it , the first thing you said to me you know , as creatives , we can just think that people understand . And I said , no , just read it , like we're having a conversation .
And and I think when I read , um , your foreword , when you send the forewords to me , I say , yes , he got it . But then the critical me goes like , okay , he's your friend , he got , he got it with others , get it .
And that took another six months for me to process before my editor said you know what , tim Shea , whether you're ready or not , let's just put this out .
And I think fortunately for both of us , it's your book . I wrote the foreword . I'm your friend , that you could creatively look at it from the angle of . Okay , I hope he's not biased , yeah . I hope he won't write this because he already knows me . But to remove that question from your mind is , I'd say , I've spoken with one or two people .
Terry , for instance , is of the opinion that the foreword prepared her for the book .
You get what I'm saying .
I read the foreword , now I go into the book itself and while I'm reading the book a and while I'm reading book , you know a couple of things on the forward . You know answer the questions that I have along the line .
So I , I think , I think the forward I mean and I'm not saying that because I wrote- it , can I , can I tell you that , can I tell you , can I make a confession ? Yes , please .
It is today that I understood the polka dot spot .
Oh .
I swear it is you talking about . Oh , that's what it meant by . It's a polka dot , but coherent . Yeah , Well , I understand . Yeah , I didn't . I didn't . I used to ask what does it mean , polka dot ?
Yeah , and the polka dot versus coherent or integrated into coherent as a word stems from the fact that I told you it could conveniently be a 400 page book . So it's like you take us on a train of thoughts and we're 100% with you and you resolve that .
And when you resolve it , we're hoping that the next thing you're jumping into you know , could lift , could continue from where you stopped . But then you take us from a and we're going to X .
I'm sorry .
And then from X , you completely establish X such , in such a way that we completely forget a in as much as the essence of A is registered in our minds , in our subconscious . We go to X , Then we journey through X together and we're like , okay , okay , and it's completely different from .
A , but they all result . They all come together Does that sound like the Tumishe you know , is that the way ?
¶ Exploring Mindful Reflection and Resolving
Without a doubt , without a doubt , yeah so it was just me , yeah , working through the book as a person yes , and just putting myself on there the way I think , okay , we've talked about this , let's resolve this and then let's move on . Is that how ? If that's how it came up ?
but and you got away with it not many would , because when you go on that on , on the polka dot trajectory , at the end of the day you could write a whole book and you never made any point .
So , towards the end of the book , the way , all these things you know , when you remind us , when the book does what it's supposed to do , to remind us to come back , when you come back to the moment , that's where you're able to bring everything together .
So the polka dot nature of the book takes us back to coherence , because everything agrees at the end of the day if you're able to observe what the book itself is telling us mindfulness , come back to the moment . So when you come to the moment , you bring everything together all right .
So , um , I will tell you my favorite part . We'll talk about our favorite part of this book . Okay , yeah , but frinda , who I have adopted as my mom , um , when she , very recently , you know , um , I had to give a talk somewhere and then she wasn't not talking , then she , she's read the reflective disclosure .
That's the last last chapter and , um , I think what page is that ? That's the last chapter ? The last page , honey . The last last page , page six to seven right so it says . After I wrote the last chapter of this book , I was running it by my therapist and I was telling her how I was not sure if I wanted to add a workbook to this course , to this .
Of course , as with every professional , she wasn't going to put words at all . I jessens in my head or my mouth . I particularly struggled with the term workbook on the sport . I didn't know why I struggled with the word workbook . We continue to explore the book's objective and how cathartic it made me feel .
Mind you , I didn't tell her I was struggling with the term workbook . She was working me through my perfectionist tendencies . Then she asks me what's most important ? I mean , what will carry more weight right now , making a promise to those who will read this book or a promise to myself ?
I went into a liturgy of why a promise to me will be more important and how that will be for another book . She smiles . She says very subtly that I think you should keep with the spirit of the book and be as vulnerable as you have been . Not quite her words , but , as she will say , it's how you're interpreted . So here goes .
I have shared this process with you stop , breathe , notice , reflect , respond resolve . It is , however , not something you do once or for a season and stop . It has to be something you work at until it becomes part of you . I am a work in progress .
I still actively SBNRR daily , so don't think you will see me on the streets of Lagos or anywhere in the world for that matter On a toga of righteousness and calmness , because sometimes that girl that thinks the world is fighting her might just pop out before I remember to breathe . What am I saying ?
Give yourself some grace and extend the same to others , especially that person that cuts you off without signaling on the road . I don't know why that gets on that people's skins , though , so let's resolve my workbook dilemma . The reason I struggled with the workbook is the word work . It didn't match the message I'm trying to carry through this book .
True , it would take real mental acuity to master these mindful techniques For want of a better word yet they're more reflective techniques than they are work , and , frankly , work really just bring horrible memories . I love hard work , I love working , but they're so important I'd rather not think about , and that's why I struggled .
So here's my promise I will work alongside you as you journey to being . If you decide to journey . There's other parts of the book that really breaks me down , though , but I had to read that so that I you know that I understand now what the polka dot . I didn't . Until now I didn't know that I actually resolved the polka dot .
Until now I didn't know that I really resolved the polka dot . So what's your favorite part of living mindfully ? I think it's the opening yeah , the welcome address where you described the madman yeah , but you know that actually happened .
I can never forget that day so it made me reflect a lot . You know , brought quite a number of people to mind that we have seen in different opinions and what we think of the situation is not what really is to the person experiencing the experience , you know yeah and I think it stands out to me because it actually prepared me for the book . That's one .
The second thing is you told a story , the world loves stories , I love stories and for a book that could be seen as boring you know , that potentially you started with a story and and that was quite captivating . Now maybe I'm looking at it from the perspective of yeah , yeah , and also a marketer .
And a marketer . Okay , I forget you . I always forget I'm a marketer .
You tell a story . People read the story . It takes them into the book itself . So by the time you jump into the book properly , you've already hooked them . So I think that's part of the book . The beginning is what I would call a hook yeah , okay , so now talking about it now again .
Don't worry guys , it's gonna be . I now think . I now think right , you know , I've been thinking of a revised version that I should have told the story to start every chapter .
It doesn't story to tell . Oh , because there are stories to tell . There are stories to tell for every chapter .
Yes , and I think I should have , I think I should have , but then I didn't know why , and then it is ready . When it was ready , it was again you know how you and I think it was it was supposed to come . I believe it was supposed to come this way .
You know , I mean , I'm thinking about something different now yeah , Because you could actually write a book where you think you're opening a chapter with a story and the stories are the beginning of a book , if well told , if you take time .
You tell them .
Yeah , you could actually write a book of stories and each story tells the story , sends the message , because I still go back to that story . You painted the picture , you know . You created a clear visualization of the scenario before you now started the analysis and your opinion and everything .
So exploring stories could be something new that I think the world would embrace . Who doesn't want to listen to stories ? So you might also consider writing another book that's going to be strictly stories oh yeah you're writing like five pages for a chapter . You tell a story in four pages and then you bring it home and resolve , I mean just thinking .
Forgive me , we may never do that , but we're always receiving different , you know .
Yeah , you know , yeah , okay . So if I'm going to speak about my favorite chapter in this book , it's probably the final word and I'll get to that . But my favorite chapter is my faith , my consciousness , and so a lot of people , the ego , the people who have you know the feedback I've gotten .
The ego is what jumped out at people , and I understand , I totally understand why the ego jumps out at people as being the favorite chapter , but maybe because I never . We all have it . That is the definition of who we are .
Your ego is a definition of you , and I truly never had a question about my ego , because my self-awareness , you know from day one , has always been high . But my faith and that takes us to you and I . Are you ready for it ? Should we go there ? Let's go , all right , okay .
My faith , though , is one that I carried , and I remember Tonya and I for those who don't know , we've been friends since 1990 . Thousand yeah there about yes , and remember that one of the first silent quitting that you and I had was on faith . I would say God is love and you say no , I fear .
God . You say I love God , I love God .
I don't love God , I fear God . And , as discordant as it sounds , this is where you and I have anchored over 24 , 25 years . Why is that ?
That you love God and that I fear God or spirituality . Which one of them ? All of them , because several elements bind us together .
Yeah , yeah . Why did loving God put you on the edge , though ?
To love God , in my opinion , is like a child , like the last born of the family . You know , when things go wrong in the house , the last born will get away with it easily . The baby of the family , you know . But for the first born of the family , from whom the father expects so much , he doesn't get away with what the last born gets away with .
So I see the last one as the one coming from a place of I love , but the last one coming from the place , the first one coming from a place of I fear , because I know what my father can do to me If anything around this space should go wrong , of which he entrusts so much to me .
So then , it's not like I don't love God , it's not like I don't love my father , but he has dealt with me in so many ways . He has reprimanded me so many ways , he has punished me and punished me Not really punished . Don't worry , he has dealt with me in so many ways that I know to fear him . Fear not from the point of Revenge .
Yeah , so I know better , like your father would be , like you know better . You're not where your last boy is , but the last boy is like I love my daddy , because daddy's not dealing with the last born like he's dealing with you and you . You can't come as far as some of us have come in terms of how we've broken severely .
Yeah , so did you see me as a prodigal at a point ?
and and that's one of to answer that question , one of the reasons we've come this far , yeah , yeah , you espouse the saying , or you give me the impression of that child , that child likeness that does not see good or bad , but just sees love .
Okay , Can I answer the question after 25 years ?
Yeah please .
¶ Navigating Relationships and Faith Through Adversity
It's interesting that the metaphor you use is that of a first child , because I'm a first child and my experience as a first child is in Sui the pain of a first child being sexually molested and not receiving what I felt or what everyone would say my parents should have done to protect me , and all that .
And the one person they taught me to speak to as a child was God . So as early as that age 6 , you know when my parents didn't respond the way everybody would have expected for them to respond , the one person I could go to my audience was only God and the call it . Say it , say it now , you know .
I do not say it yeah call it .
You know I do not say it , you know , but it was it's being in that space , being in that spiritual space that I know that this person understands that it wasn't my fault , I didn't . It was not because I was an effervescent child , it was not because there was this being obeyed me , not seeing him .
That understood and made me feel myself , without question , a non-judgmental place , though he punished me . Like he said , if I do something he won't . God calls me to order , that much I know . But you see , till now it's still easy , even when I do what I think I know better , like you said , not to do , and I go like that , do you know ?
so , yeah , I know , but I'm gonna punish you . I'm gonna punch you , you know . I'll give you an example . Something happened where you are not used to work , and then my , the head of my department at the time , did something and I went hard , you know , I ? And as I left the studio , I heard you're gonna pay for that .
I heard in my ear and I said okay , I don't care , you punish , punish me , but I give her . Everybody says , yeah , you're going to pay for that . That's the kind of relationship I have with God .
Yeah , and that's the kind of relationship I believe a parent should have with their child , and that's why I would always say God is love , he's not I do he's love .
I know , yeah , yeah , yeah , and I have borrowed a lot from that position of yours over the years and I , I , I dare , I dare to say that part of the things that has brought me this far with you is , I'd say again you just look at love .
You don't whether this is a sin , as the world looks at it or not as long as it gives you that childlike comfort in the presence of God .
The person . Yeah , okay , stop casting me . What is the choice ?
Yeah , and it's made me comfortable through the years up until now .
you know like by the way , it's 15 years we saw each other last yeah , yes , 15 years .
So I I take that from you . It's very rare where the things the world would judge as terrible that we judge .
Let's just use the word judge yeah .
As long as you believe it's an expression of the purest of love that you can give . Yeah , you don't care .
You seem to leave everything to god to be that judge yeah , and my faith has been challenged like and that's how I started that chapter my faith . I didn't . I don't like my faith being challenged . I really do not like it , because you don't know what I've been through , you don't know what I've had to . You know and .
But I've also gotten to a place where I understand why there's pushback when you talk about God . I understand why there's pushback when you say you identify with God via a certain sect or religion or whatever . I understand . But I also understand that in the midst of it all , we all trying , we're winging it . We're winging it .
And if I could have relationships where there are no masks worn , I don't care , it doesn't matter , you will hurt me . We understand that you will hurt me . There are times we've gone months without talking and we're silent , quitting . It was just silent . You know what Soon , you say oh , you know what , tony , if you don't understand , it's fine .
But then somehow we resolve . And then one of us just how are you ? For those we call ourselves Bumbu , those we call ourselves bumble , and and and . For me , connection and relationships is one of the most things that has been that has helped me journey through bipolar .
There are times I've called you , that I'm on the verge of Maybe taking my life , or I'm just crying and I'm just like I just want to talk . And then you just listen . There are times that you look at me , I tell you something happened and then you say but you know that the story is suffering to me , there's nothing you can do about it , but it's okay .
You can talk to me . There's nothing you can do about it , but it's okay . You can talk to me .
But you know the story , but it's not like , it's not as if you just you're just there and you know and pampering me , but you , you tell you take me back to the source of us , the spirituality that , the connection that keeps us and goes like , and you go like to me . The story is sovereign , there's nothing you can do about it .
But let's talk about you and how we can go forward . And I think that is why my faith , my consciousness is Imagine me putting all of this in the book . The book would be like , like you said , 400 pages , because it will mean me , especially that chapter .
It will mean me really digging to places in how I became comfortable with saying I serve god through christ because I was punished to you . I was punished with faith and I'll explain um . Whenever I did something that was not conventional the thought was not conventional I was sent to a place where you go to .
You know it had white sand and there was candles it's a white garment church and then at age 6 I was already fasting bidi bidi dry fast 3 days . At age six I was already fasting Billy Billy dry fast Three days , seven , you know .
By the time I was 10 , like I said , it was punishment , but as it sent me there , it fed my introvertedness , it fed the child that God I believe God created me to be , to connect with the spiritual . It was punishment , but I never saw it as punishment .
Maybe somewhere in my head , just do something controversial so they can send you to that place again and then you'll have a talk with God . Maybe that's what I was saying . Is it possible ? Maybe that's what I was doing .
Is it possible ? That's possible .
Yeah .
That's possible Because the more we discuss this , the more we gain insight . Or we have this aha moment Like , okay , so like the polka dot thing .
Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . Yeah . I was thinking maybe that's what I was doing so that they could send me back there and then I could meet the one person that listens to me .
Yeah , like some people would intentionally do some things so they could go to jail Because while in jail they're able to write better , they're able to create great stuff that they come out to use profitably .
When they come out , a lot of people you know in the west would intentionally do stuff to send them to jail because and here's the thing someone I know it's not like I was told who is a very good christian , you know everything , something happened and for the first time , this person , who is , like you know , a symbol of do well good , you know everything and
he found himself in jail and when he came out he said Papaji . I said yes , he said in the past , god knows how many years . When I slept that night in jail . That's when I slept best . One day , one day , you're gonna meet him . He will tell you this . It will tell you what I told he tells people .
He said he slept well in that on that bed in jail . For the first time he slept soundly , without any worry or anything you know in years .
I think I understand that . So let's go on on Mindful . Injimisha , you know we talk a lot about connection and we've talked about connection . So I know you well to an extent . You're a friend to millions . You're I know you well to an extent . You're a friend to millions . You're a friend to millions .
I think you're a friend , though I can't answer that question .
I was going to ask that question . I could be friends to many , but the question is , are the millions friends to me ? So how do you navigate that ? And this question you asked is one that has helped me to travel beyond a certain emotion , a certain mindset , to a better place of peace , knowing .
I mean , I don't necessarily say that I'm French to many , you're just a mirror , you know , like this one .
Oh , papati , oh , he's my friend ?
Oh , he's my friend . So I believe that for you to call me your friend , it means that I must have fulfilled so many things that define your idea of friendship , but the question is based on experience in life .
I constantly get disappointed , feel betrayed , hurt or whatever , because when it's supposed to come from the person who calls me a friend , I see less of that true definition of friendship . And in the past I would confront you , I would sit you down because I don't want to talk to people about you .
I want to talk to you and I also want to follow the principle of if you do something to me , you know that is wrong . You know you should be able to call me . Yeah , I should be able to call you , yeah , shemikin Bia , as they say , yeah . But I found out that Shemikin Bia could create war , could create , you know , battles .
For those who are not Nigerians or not European speakers Shemeikinbia is when you offend me , we should and we say we are friends , we should be able to have that crucial conversation . Okay , this is . That was a transliteration . No translation , a transliteration . Sorry , I can't afford anyone right now , but that's what it definitely we should be able to .
If you say we are friends , we should be able . Okay , I have offended you , so I'm asking you . You have offended me . Can I ask you ? Oh , yeah , that's it , you have offended me and I'm asking you . I have offended you .
Can I've offended you . Can I ask you ? That is the essence of friendship . So , before you stop me , yeah . Then I discovered that using that principle could create more problems than the initial problem , because now you tell people oh , you're my friend , this happened , this happened , this happened , you know , it broke my heart .
And then the person is like , oh okay , I'm sorry , I didn't know , I do it , I did it . And then the person is like , oh , okay , I'm sorry , I didn't know , I do it , I did it . And then you turn around and then the next thing you hear from a third party is like they say hear the way that one was talking to me .
And then you hear that and it repeats over and over . But I realized that the fact that it repeated over and over was God telling me that I needed to change something about myself than those people . And what do I have to change ? He brought me to the point where he's like he said deal with people according to your knowledge of them .
Deal with people according to your knowledge of them , so that relationships can be sustained , can be maintained , and you're safe , I'm safe , I'm cognizant of those things you do which I know that I may never fix in a lifetime . So it's better for me to deal with you according to my knowledge of you , and there'll be peace .
But then I will make sure that my knowledge of you is is grounded enough or sound enough that I do not let those weaknesses of yours hurt me again and again .
Okay , so I agree with you . Do you have an idea how long we've been talking ?
We said 45 minutes . Let me see We've done 44 minutes .
You cheated .
I did it Like yeah , I did it . I mean as a podcaster . Yeah , I did it . Yeah , I mean as a podcaster too . I look over there .
Yeah , I know what you're doing , Okay . So for those who would say this , I'm wearing a shirt Tom and Jerry . I've not seen this man in 15 years and he brings me a shirt and it's Tom and Jerry . Okay , Tell the world why you got me a Tom and Jerry shirt .
So I'll tell you something that almost went wrong . I'd almost returned the shirt . So I went to store with my wife and her dad and I went to that section and I saw it and I'm like this is it for her . But my wife , being quite a conventional person , was like no , that looks like a male t-shirt .
I said okay , because I trust her opinion a lot and I allow her to , you know , change my decision sometimes . So I said okay , you think I shouldn't give her that . She said that looks masculine . Say , okay , you may be right , and so I was gonna put it back .
But I said , by the way , this is someone who would take my footwears and wear my footwears and would not bother she would wear my trackers . And so I said this is who this person is . And then daddy was like you know her . So , because you know her , oh , my goodness , take to her what you believe is her .
And as soon as daddy validated this , I realized yeah , this is the right decision . This I can't buy something . This is what , and when I saw it , I said I sent you a message .
I said when your best friend Gets you a Tom and Jerry shirt , you know you're gonna Ride for life and that's so true . Alright , okay , so let's get back to living mindfully . Go away from the foreword . Go away from to make sure you're trying to
¶ Personal Transformation Through Self-Reflection
know that . What would be your if you wanted to sell this book ? As a marketer that you are ? How would you ?
So let me take you to the foreword . I said you should stay away from me , but yeah , because what I want to say , the way I would sell it , I think it's , it's actually here and I said that this intellectual about the book , some of the pages non-judgmental . I said this book is for those who are pages non-judgmental .
I said this book is for those who are interested in non-judgmental , non-prejudiced exploration of ways to embrace ourselves as we are , life as it is , our destiny as it unfolds , by living in the moment .
I just said this book is for this set of people that's the market , the people who are willing to embrace themselves as they are in a nonjudgmental way , because there's so many things you know some people will disagree with based on where they are in their journey , but this is a book that is for those who are open-minded .
Okay If you asked me how I would sell it . Mind it . Okay if you asked me how I would sell it . When I started to pen my thoughts on the journey to being , I thought I had a failed process that I wanted to share with the world .
As I put it down , I truly was proud of how far I had come , because I was looking at myself again and relieving my life through these letters . Fruitstove is putting these words down as helped me more than I fear to say . It will help you . I hope not . That should mean something .
I'm supposed to be selling this to you and now I am saying it helped me more than it did you . I guess what I'm truly trying to say is that I am passing on the baton of truly leaving to you . I am passing the baton of giving yourself a chance at leaving to you .
I am hoping you give yourself the permission to light the fire of your own life's tournament and find it to fling . Watch yourself play each game that life will hand you wherever she meets you . Again , I pull from my Yoruba heritage . You play with life wherever it meets you . If she meets you in the rain , you ease yourself .
If she meets you on the farm , you touch your toes . This is a transliteration . You don't want to do that ? Should we tell ?
them . No , I heard that , you heard it .
I was like hey God . I also hope that , as I pass on the baton to you , when you have lit your own fire , your past will touch someone else and pay it forward . Let's raise an army of people who are leaving the now on the way to a future they're not afraid to embrace . So it's not even different from what you said it has to be .
Somebody has to knock the door . You know , um ? Somebody asked me recently I'll let you talk . Somebody asked me why did you stop promoting the book ? I said because I think I've promoted it enough . And if no one knocks on the door , why should I open it ? And this is not coming from a place of pride or anything . But healing is dirty . Healing is pain .
Sitting with dirt the stories of our lives is really painful , and it's not everybody that really wants to knock on that door . So you were going to say so two things real quick .
The first one is I would take you to something seal my favorite singer , our friend Excuse you . Yeah , you to something seal my favorite . So when , when you did the song kiss from a rose , I think some people asked something , we were saying , okay , this is what it means , that's what it means .
And then I think they asked him I can't remember clearly- it's not a video but it's a video . What do you think ? And it was like what do you ?
think I said my songs .
My songs mean one thing to me , but they mean different thing to each and everybody .
You know something like that , yeah , yeah , so and that's what I think this book is like In that video you said when the person said what did you say here ? Is it kiss ? I've been kissed .
Is it on the grill ? Is it on the grill ? On the grill .
What did you say ?
to you . And I'm like yeah , that's you and that's what this book I think would do to people . You asked me what my heart gravitates towards in the book , what's my major thing , how I would sell the book .
I just told you based on how I feel about the book , how I connect with it genuinely , and it's completely different from how you , the writer , how you feel about the book and how you would sell the book . Different people will read this book and would disagree with both of us . They don't . It'll be like you just wrote the book .
You don't even know what you're talking about . This is what your book is telling you and they'll stand like they actually wrote the book for you . So different things to you , know different people .
So , if you , what question have you wanted to ask me that you've not asked since you read the book ?
One since you wrote the book , what kind of personal transformation have you experienced ? That's one .
I said one question why are you pushing ? Yeah , go ahead , go ahead .
I know I'm your guest , but it's our show and I and I was . I was gonna say , look , we're gonna get to a point where you allow me to ask questions . Yeah , yeah , sure , ask . So when you say one .
You just took me to that point where I would be waiting for let me ask my own questions , okay let me answer this one first now , what type of transformation or transformations have you done ?
truly , truly truly , truly , truly and the the most transformation for me is that I am now . I've always been a conscious person , but I'm now very conscious and I listen . I listen to what is not said .
¶ Navigating New Speaking Waters
For me , the personal transformation this has done is to help me shed easy .
Shed easy .
It's been able to shed easy . And by sharing easy what do you mean ? People experiences ? Uh , not dating things personally , not overthinking , not expecting . You know , I've always been a non-judgmental person , but this book is a personal testament to that and it makes me consciously live it .
So it's easy for me now , very easy to you , it's very easy for me in the times that you knew me , where I could accommodate anything and sacrifice myself on the altar of that . I'll still accommodate , but I no longer sacrifice myself on the altar that you get yeah , you know better now , so you're doing better yeah , that's , that's the most .
That's the most . I no longer sacrifice myself on the altar of things like loyalty , friendship , um , that's still huge values to me , but the only time I'm myself is when I'm fully authentic . No , not on the altar . Religion of faith or friendship or loyalty , if it is not what I believe .
My father and one day people will know , maybe in the second book or the third or the fourth book , why God as father to me is very important . The father won't die deep , you know this . The father won't die deep , know this . The father would say dip .
So yeah , the second question I have . Yeah , it's gonna be like three no for today but , the second one is how comfortable have you become in this new space , where you suddenly become a speaker ?
I say that know , I say that to you all the time . I say that to you all the time because it feels like virtue after each speak speaking but that's a new experience yeah , I can't run away from it . After every x , every speaking engagement , I feel like virtue was left with . What a good virtue , good virtue you told me that many times .
Yeah , it's good virtue . I feel like , yes , you know stories . People should know that . These stories are and and I hate to say things like it could have been worse , it is worse , it is my worse , it is your worse . All right , let's agree that , yeah , you know there are people who've gone through worse , or what's this , what's the whatever ?
Yes , yeah , you know that . I have . You know , and you know me very well . I used to dismiss it when you it's like and then I am in that place now that I do not dismiss it , I have embraced it , I it , it is my story , it is my version of life , right ? So I call myself the introverted storyteller .
So when I'm speaking , I leave all of it there and then I disappear . You know , I totally disappear . You know , maybe I'll reach out to you and be like , no , no , maybe I will reach out to you and say , okay , you know , I feel like I should just disappear for a bit and then we'll talk .
Probably I'm talking to only you with some people in my life , but it's not something I'm and I'm glad I'm not comfortable my last question for I'm glad I'm , did you ? you don't know why I'm glad I'm not . I'm glad I'm not comfortable . My last question for now I'm glad I'm . You don't know why I'm glad I'm not comfortable .
Because then I get to a place of you know that place like , and then one begins to feel like I know I'm glad , I'm not comfortable . Every time I speak I'm glad .
It keeps me grounded . My third question , you know , hopefully , the last , hopefully , hopefully the last hopefully , yeah . So I'm going to utilize the intuition in you . I don't want you to think , okay , just let's , let's discover something together .
All right , you know , and let's , yeah , let's discover something sincerely together , honestly , whether you're going to pursue it or not , so it's going to be valid or not . Let's just just go .
Yes , yes , yes , yes , I want you to get there .
Okay , Broadcasting public speaking . Which one do you see in the future ?
Public speaking .
Something yeah yeah . Interestingly , public speaking , before I ask that question , I chuckle in my mind when you say you're not comfortable , yeah and all that , because it seems to me that you've transitioned , even if you go back to radio and do all those things .
And I think personally , as far as your destiny is concerned , I think you're going to be navigating new waters and when you navigate new waters , it takes time to acclimatize your way .
So you know what is the waters Water , water .
Water To the new waters , the waters , the waters . So the waters that you'll be navigating very soon will be uncomfortable ones . So it simply validates or amplifies what you said now that you're not comfortable Like you're going on stage . You want to go to speak . People are excited . They want not comfortable like you're going on stage . You want to go to speak .
People are excited , they're . You know , they want to be like you . They don't even know that you're almost having a having a runny stomach before you know , yeah , the first thing , moji , I think was it .
Moji , I think was moji . These are my therapists who said you think with your head , with your head and your heart , but your heart is in your tummy . But it is true , my heart is on my . My heart , my tummy feels everything , everything , my stomach feels everything . And then sent us back to the wc , that kind of thing right .
That's where we end up all right , my love .
Thank you so much . We could go on and on .
You know that we could do . We could do series , we could do a series on this yeah , and we never run out of things to say never and um , it's . This moment , like I told you before we started , is a gift . You know , in , in in a journey of you know , more than two decades and , uh , doing this physically , not remotely , in after like 15 years .
Yeah , it's a gift , and doing it in a way that you're doing it with complete presence of mind and you're not struggling to do it and we're able to get this profound , even as I think that we'll probably scratch the surface .
We didn't even scratch the surface , so I want to say thank you as well for making it possible , you know , coming to pick me up to do this . We were supposed to record yesterday and here we are , you know doing .
But you and I know that , you know . You know , in as much as this conversation we have casted ourselves a lot , but hey , that's . I think that's this . This conversation will help people understand how I think and how you know when I harm my own connection . You and I know that nothing happens outside when supposed to happen . Maybe if you force it , it's not .
You don't force it , you don't . You know it is yes , once you spoken it to the universe was just spoken it you work . The Bible says that when his what is gonna doesn't come back , when we've spoken it , the god , the elements , will begin to make sure that it works .
But the fact that we think that we have some form of control , god would tell us that , no , you don't , you know so yeah , just let me know when you won .
my final words no . So I , you're the one I want to thank the most for this reason . I live in Ohio , cleveland , maple Heights , you know and we're exposed to the cold a lot . Winter is not , it's not funny . So when I when I say , when you guys say here in Nigeria that you're cold , I look at you like no , I can wear my t-shirt .
But what I'm thanking you particularly for is the fact that you're closing the show now , because the AC in this place and the coffee that I've drank has got me in a position where I need to go pee . So I thank you for ending the show now , because the AC in this place and the coffee that I've drank has got me in a position where I need to go pee .
So I thank you for ending the show right now .
Nobody should be wishing to be a fly .
I'm sitting right here . I don't want to have to take the mug of my coffee and put it under the table while I'm talking to you .
Okay , okay so that's too much of tuning in to me here on this podcast . All right , thank you guys for coming . Yeah , I love you you know that all right , okay , and that is how you well , I think that's how you review a book with a friend .
Thank you so much for coming to love yourself , love your neighbor , love your country , wherever it is , whether you're in a German , british , british , nigerian , american and whatever it is , and love God is the essence of your being . Let me let he's still drinking coffee and he's saying that the cold that the coffee is getting to is . Shouting me something .
What can I do after ? I'm still doing video ? I can walk off my camera . I can walk off my camera . Yeah , thank you . Next time , stay winning and Leave mindfully . Of course , if you want to buy the book it's an , it's at robin heights I'll try to put the link . Um , heaven , help me remember to put the link . Uh , it's on seller and all of that .
But most importantly , I pray that you are brave enough to knock on that door of healing for the sake of yourself . Until next time , stay winning .