¶ Being a Tourist in Life
Here I am again . I'm trying very hard this day in this studio to be calm . I have one . I can't look at me with a thought leader . He doesn't like it , and that's fine . Perception is a powerful thing , but I have the thought leader in the studio and again , I'm drinking tea and coffee .
It's been a while since virtual recording that I've had someone in the studio drinking tea and coffee together and I'm expecting for this conversation to be deep , if you decide to , because Guy Gamby just I don't know why I love shooting . Welcome to Mindful U , to Michelle , the podcast .
Alright , so the first time I read about this person , I'll say his name , because I know that all the alakbaras of where he had come from , yeah , abbey has come from Denny .
You know , the first time I was just reading , it was Damiel Contrima , who was always posting , and then I followed Facebook and I was like , okay , this guy , let's see , let's see , let's see , let's see shout .
And then one day he talks about broadcasting and some interesting thing about broadcasting and I was like , yeah , this person understands what it means to go through the rubs , but he's here today . I did that .
Should I go on with the rest of it ?
Please go ahead . So , touchy guys , alright . So how about the day of the new or the renew ? And we've become friends . So I reached out to him after a particular post , and that post we're talking about today , and I said , wow , we need to have this .
Conversations and parenting , being a human is challenging enough , but then there's such social constructs in life , and especially in our case , nigeria , that just slows us down and we bring us this is anyway . It surprised me and we're saying this to you and we're recording this to the inflation . So let's start .
My first question to you is are you a traveler or a tourist in your journey in life ? A tourist ? Explain that , please .
Well , I think you shouldn't just pass through life . A traveler would just pass through . A tourist wants to savor the beauty of every moment . You want to taste the people , you want to taste the food . You want to taste so many things . You want to draw in the essence of your women . So I'm a tourist . I want to explore life .
I want to see all of the handloos to eat . I want to see the beauty . I want to see the dance , the rules . I say all the time that I'm a tourist because I want to feel new things . I want to feel . Let me just say feel , feel . I want to feel . So I love to explore . I don't just want to pass through life , I want to do life .
I want to do life Like years to come . They should say this guy was here , so I'm a tourist , I'm a traveler , I explore life .
That's why .
I've been how many carriers ? Now Three carriers .
Oh my god .
I know , before I leave this realm , I'll see the sea .
Hek bami Three more why .
Because I'm a tourist , I get tired to open my . If one of my very friends of mine would say , die you as an attention span of a mosquito he said he does this thing for one year and he tells you catch it and you have time . He says he'll do something different . You can't feel new things . You can feel all the experience of the dimensions of life .
How does you , being a tourist , impact your daily living ?
I guess , okay , that's not for , that's not for Daily is what I do . I feel that everything I do daily should soaking the essence of that day . No day should pass without me being able to make sense of everyday past . He should not just pass . I shouldn't go back to my bed at night and say today was yesterday . Something must happen today . I remember that .
Okay , I did something , this one , why today ? So I practice mindfulness every . Okay . This is where I disagree with most people . I do not think emotions should drive , because that way my days will pass and I won't remember what happened , so I always tell people , if I tell you you're stupid .
I talk about different days .
I conclude that this person is stupid and then someday the opportunity presented itself and then I'll say you're stupid and take me to Jupiter , because I conclude that I had a vision that his person was stupid and I had my reasons Early . I feel this should not just go back .
People do not know that 365 days a year say you're going to do 10 years last 360 days , 20 years , you know of all .
People know I'm extremely mathematically challenged , so that yeah .
Before you know it , this is 2024 . We are doing 31 days already of 365 . When was that time when it was in La Penang again .
I don't know , 31 days ago .
So I should be soaking in every day . I should be intentional about my being , because I want to feel like , I want to know what life is . I want to sleep at night and feel like I do right by myself today .
Oh , wow , you know you were giving me gems that I probably going to use on my coaching clients or my coach clients , like did I do ? You're useful , I think and this is broadcasting , be careful , you Right , okay . So yeah , did I do right by myself today ?
That is a legit question , especially for those who are in my community and when I say my community , people who are living with mental health questions , and if you are , if you have my kind of personality , that if I don't run through what I've done through the day I won't sleep . You know it has to be a closure . I'll give you a very mundane example .
When I was living , work yesterday , I still had bread at home , like maybe two , three slices . Yes , I picked my bread and I said to myself I need to bit tomorrow's , for today or for the weekend I go home , give what Great way . And then I got home . I got home late and I was truly , truly tired , but you see , I needed to . I needed to .
I needed that melancholy moment with myself . Yes , I had , because needing is so therapeutic to me . You know , cooking , definite , but needing bread for 10 , 15 minutes with your hand and just sitting in your head or listening to music or listening to a book , and I did that and when I did that , I put it in the oven , it finished and I was gone .
So not gone like I slept . That's what I mean . So , yeah , I understand what I mean . So now he's going to be my second , no second , third question to you . Now this you being a tourist , how does it influence , impact your relationship with people and yourself ?
Okay , I'll describe it the way some of my friends describe me .
The thing that your lacks emotions .
Yeah , why ? Because every human relationship must make sense Must make sense . Okay , let me see this . You get your first girlfriend when you guys see it and she's asking you why do you love me ? So those a buzz that I would tell us just there . You don't know that my love for you , because you know women you love , you love this .
But I grew up to find that the days most hard of two months , the months most out of two years , the years most add up to a life . So I feel that anybody walks their way into my life . So if you come in , I don't do emotional connections . Basically you have an emotional connection with you .
There must be a common sense , there must be something beneath the emotions that give me motion , that make me aware that this personality will to play in my life . So I think that people just parking all kinds of people and then this will come in the mess of your life , but a few . If you think this person is right , it's inside my life .
This person is right , you begin my life . This person is right to be in my life . You don't have something to be telling me . So my approach to relationships with people is first , I want to be sure you're doing the right things with your life . I want to be sure that you go a line with mine .
If you're gonna be traveling different directions , I'll go this way , you go this way .
Hmm .
Why should we be in a relationship ? Why , what should you be my friend ?
Fair question . Fair question why should you be my life ?
No , you shouldn't be , you get . But I think that , of course , as we all know , people get into your life , mess up your head because you don't deliberately Find the people that suit your children .
Oh , I called him a thought leader . He says no , okay , go ahead , don't , let me Just go ahead . Yeah , if you Pick the people who come into your life , you are sure that Johnny aligns with yours .
You can deliberately tell yourself that , okay , this is the way I like to look at it . If a relationship with someone breaks down , if Relationship that had someone break down , I need to be able to tell myself that , well , the relationship broke down , but I was wrong that relationship with them .
Mmm .
I was with a friend is the aunt what we're conversing . We talked about someone . Something happened . I had a fair assessment of that person before . I believe this is a good day Now , years later relationship with them . And then I saw a video where he played a part in an event .
But I was telling this , my friend , that what pain made the most was that I made an error of judgment .
All right I made an event so do you give yourself , so do you give yourself room for error at all .
Yeah , I do , I do , but it's not so it's much . Why because I think that if I make two fatality , I hand where I don't . I don't beat myself up here . Okay , but I'm extremely cautious , I know that .
If you were friends with someone and you mentioned the bridge to contribution , the other person who mess you , you yourself , because it has a lock on your door and then you open the door , it was 50 50 fair . Someone who that's why I'm always extremely cautious I feel , okay , shut them out .
Well , yeah , sure , they are right to be in your life , okay , and then Keep them in your life , you get , yeah . If you then have regrets in future , you're able to tell yourself that at least I made a common sense decision . That's where I like to look at it . I like to be intentional .
When they can't do people , I keep the kind of relationships I say , okay , this person is my friend , this person is my colleague , this person is my partner , this person is my pieces partner . This is them . They have definitions For me .
I feel that being a tourist Going through life , doing life , understanding life , experiencing life , it requires that you are intentional with the relationships you keep , with the steps you take , with the thoughts you have the most hard together to form a general image .
Of who you are .
Where you are to end .
You get it so much . Okay , is this a ? Is this a gang of otomi shei ? They are something . Okay , okay . Okay , that's Well . I want to continue on this train of thought . So Before we go to that post that you and I connected on , let's talk . Let me ask this last question on whether you're traveling on tourist .
How did you get to this point that you are able to define your image through all that you've said ? I don't think I'll explain what I mean . For a long time , I Did you know how not to take things personally , and what I mean by that is when , just like you , when something happens , okay , what did I do ?
How does what was my part , what is not my part , you know , and I and I always feel like , oh , I have seen some . I don't want to use red flags , but for the photos , I have seen some things that I didn't . You know that I didn't tally with my personal values , but had gone ahead anyways , you know where am .
So when did you come to this place that we're speaking about now ?
¶ Meaning and Purpose in Life
Okay , who broke your heart ?
I think it was like step by step and what happened when I was to get into your house . I wanted to be a professional guy who plays God plays , God , plays pigs , plays this and that .
That also happened .
I was discussing with my dad and he said you should do something more meaningful with your life . So what should I do ? I was discussing with my dad and he said he cancelled the quote to go into the world and die .
I was discussing with my dad and he said you should do something more meaningful with your life . So what should I do ? I got into school and I was asking myself should you be here ? I sort of imagined the future in the NJI , but that was what it got into .
I finished got into the NJI profession and then I found that I was fulfilling . I was looking at people , but that was something . I was in the junior of the Flemish , I was in the junior of Frenzy , and then I shot myself out . And then I was on that journey of self-discipline for a year Now .
What I was doing was I was just sleeping and waking up and thinking about my life . So at that time I learnt almost everything there . I was soaking in too many things . I taught myself web design . I taught myself social media marketing . I was learning too many . I learnt liquid soap making . I learnt cake baking . I learnt beat baking .
I learnt the , because I wanted to draw in so much so that I could not sit down and tell myself this is it . This gives me peace . So along the line I met a certain young man , bimbalati Ohne probably you have heard the name . So when I was like , okay , I met a guy and he said he could get you into a better NJI profession .
Well .
I said well , I met him . So I met him in Lagos . Ctf imprecise , not just CTF . Top of the line I met him there and then we discussed and I did not know that discussion . He asked me to die . God bless that guy . He asked me to die . Are you looking to get into the NJI profession or something else ?
I said why your conversation tells me you do not love any guy . I said why do not you ? So I said why . My daddy said I should come see you and then I thought I was going to meet up with you because I am still soaking in so many things I am still trying to decide what to try for me . Then he said , okay , you want to try broadcasting ?
I said no , but I said I will go . So he was to start to show it to me .
So I went over and then we got there , but not one thing .
The moment you start to move the hybrid , even nature aligns in your field . The moment you are on a journey you should be on , there are way things align . It is not spiritual .
I understand exactly what you are saying , but I do not want to , you know just .
And then we met and he was supposed to start the show . I was supposed to just sit in and observe . And then we got there and he said the station manager said the show has run into an Uber . Now I say this with all sense of pride I have an excellent and impeccable command of the Uber we know .
Allow me to boast yes , you already boasted at the beginning of the show . But I can't say my only kids to say I don't even know . My only kids . I have a great .
So I said this one said the show has run into languages . It has been a lot of them Could not speak in a language to say in life . So he said what do we do by the two guys were there to see ? And then he said which one of you can write a script to you guys in a script I have not written one before , but how hard can it be ?
Listen , listen to me . And then he told me what the show was about . I took one pen and paper and then this script and I said okay , there is a studio , let's go record . I went there , recorded my first programme from whoever and it was the one .
I hate to . This was good that it's going this way so we can have the other discussion , because I'm going to like , even if it's four episodes , I get it out of the way before you run away , but okay , so I hate good hate that you and I have almost the same story in the broadcasting . Hello , who is older ?
You got me Because when was this time that you met me ? You can stop me now .
Wait , wait , when were you ?
Yeah , we actually Okay . So this script writing story is almost like a photocopy of what happened to me when I was 17 , 18 . So my causing yeah , I was only it took me to call you and ask you to stop this profession , keep quiet . So it's my cousin Lola . I'm up here at the time .
Oh no , she was already married and she was serving with AIT and AIT was , of course , we all know , thermos , blah , blah , blah . And we were in there and they needed a script writer . Mind you , I just came out of a second school . I didn't know I was in this in my life .
I just went to visit her where she was serving and I said , excuse me , what's that about ? And she locked me in a room , gave me the title and I started writing . And that's how I got into broadcasting .
Simple , like I was writing , and I left there to MITV and then but it's interesting to , I like that because of what you said about once you were supposed to be on your journey . Everything would align If you are on that right journey , every freaking thing , real alive . It's just like the legend that you're gonna buy .
It's your choice of car , ha ha , and where Minia , that's my , that's the vehicle I want to buy and where .
Minia the red from that thing . The cars you see personally , it will be green colored Toyota Hilux . Somehow your vision gets tuned to see opportunities in that direction .
So we have a prophet in here . Ha ha ha . Let me just finish this .
I got to know him like who this is life actually the interactions with the audience , interactions in the studio , and then the prospects . I saw things I could do with this particular thing . So I took my dad . I said , ok , I found the thing . He said you go to the thing . I said , don't worry , you find that . And then I started .
He didn't believe us first . Then the first year he just called me and said yeah , you have to go back to school can you go back to school ? mass communication or what is that he said don't by joining you .
And then I was going , one delivery step after another , one thing after the other , so much of the time I was being delivered required soothing against the tidy . Yeah , I found a way to do that from the time I was trying to get a career from myself so it was my career that defined the intentionality for me . Oh , defined the intentionality for me .
So I knew how to remove what I didn't want in my life . So from there on it just went ok . I had a relationship when I first started relationship . I was in mind so I needed to understand yeah , yeah , I was looking at and like that , but you know I was in a decision phase phase ?
yeah , I was not even part of what I was thinking was very far from it . So , and then I found that I dreams had more to do with making money and struggling through life , and I told myself I didn't want to travel if I traveled through life , I would be in a home already . I would have told life and then I would get that .
Ok , this is time to do cruise control so this person wants to do cruise control . She wants to just enjoy the good life . And I said no , I am on a journey so I can be with you . And that was painful , but it was the first major step I took on my journey
¶ Plotting Life's Journey, Avoiding Negative Influences
. From the intentionality , I just told myself no , she is doing fine , but we should not be in the same boat in the same boat . It was just like some of the reports that I said there are people successful , people that should not be in your journey because they mess you up .
But it's not enough to say that person is successful , so I should be working with them .
No , they could be successful , but the two of you could be taken out of your life's journey so they draw you back .
So it was that that clarified what my journey had to be . So I sank myself into it . It was that that made it clear to me that why not ? All my friends who are internet fraudsters had a lot of friends who gave internet fraudsters . All big guys have a lot of money , but I told myself , this is how I want to go . We had to bring money .
It was so even a moral question for me . It was a life question for me , with your life at the end of it be just about the money . It was like no . So I stepped in . At the point in my life a friend bought me a laptop and a phone and said let's start doing this together . And I told him this is not my journey . On this journey I am going .
I will still make a lot of money , so it doesn't matter when the money comes in . What matters is , I will be fulfilled while I am on the journey , journey .
So this is it for me . It was the career that defined it for me and many clear to me . Let's go . How did that land for you ? Because I am taking notes .
I am not talking to you .
I am not talking to you . We were just here . I am not talking to you , I am not talking to you . I had that land , so I am having so much fun . Let me let you guys into one thing this was not what was I was talking about .
This is what we're supposed to talk about , but , as you can see , being in the moment of anything , any moment that you are , any place that you are , life would just flow like water . Of course , be intentional , and if you want to be as neurotic as him , that's fine to you , and not , not , isn't it all right ?
So , um , if you wanted to , if you wanted to talk to someone now and I'm not even going to go whether a younger or there , or that and everything that is in between if you want to speak with someone who is in between life , in between life . You understand what I'm saying , just like you said , you know in between decisions just that in between life .
What would you be saying to them ?
I'll say . I'll say this my speculative life is quite simple . I say that , first of all , sit down and ask yourself where you are when . Sit here from the start , so that you know the road that takes you there . Take , for example I use example in not to know when my people going , if you would be going to Kaduna .
What you have in your mind is Kaduna , yeah , so the road you follow as a road that takes you to Kaduna , if at any point in time , okay , even if you're going to use a google map , the , the destination is what you will find , and then it will plot you from where you are to the destination again . Now . Just , our life was wrong .
You must see the end from now . When I'm older , I'm very old , 90 . What should my memories be now ? When you decide what your memories should be at 90 , not the memory of then . The memories you have then will be the steps of today .
So you should now then come back in time and say , okay , this is what I should remember when I'm 90 , so this is how I should plot it . So you now plot yourself . That is , walking your way to the answer . You already know what the answer should be and then you begin to walk your way there , one after the other .
But the problem we have in those instances we have people whose minds are so troubled by the process of push and pull so they are not able to sit down and plot the journey .
Unfortunately , the moment you fall into that rat race where you cannot pull yourself out of life and then look at it from afar , then plot what you should be doing , you continue to run around in circles and then rely on luck . You understand ? So I say that plot and work for yourself . Plot a journey for yourself . Plot , yes , not a journey for yourself .
Like I'm selling a person , I said okay . The problem that most young people now at this make is the mistake they make is they want to . They want life to make sense . Now they don't know that you plan life to make sense . You should plan it to eventually make sense . You are looking at something by head that you want .
You should plan how you get it , not wake up in the morning and say god bless me , god bless you , you are this miracle bunny . I always say I that conversation I had with the previous I told him .
I said I would say I would tell people that whatever I do not have currently , I have not worked with him , because if I work for it , you will get it number of years it takes me , I'm gonna get it .
So if I don't have it , it means I am not done . What it takes to happen .
I would say find out .
What journey do you have to plot to get to that thing you are looking for ? So you are in the midst of life . There's something pulling you from here , there's something pushing you from there , particularly life responsibilities . You already got out of school . You need to work to make some money . Yeah , there's life pressure coming from home .
Yeah , they want you to go and get married . Your relationship is not working out and all that the what I always advise you shut yourself down . That's not it so far means you have to suffer yes , but shut yourself down put yourself away from this situation . Look at it from outside of it . What do I have to do to make this ?
Better but you stay in the midst of it and try to wriggle through . Nothing will make sense . It won't . I have to . This is something I have done . I have to step out of everything . I was not working for one year and a half . I just I was not , I was doing nothing , I was just sleeping . I'm working on a load . I so far I fried same old .
Yeah , I fried same . There were days I had nothing to eat and I'll just look around . I had same old powder , I had small of a head , I had salt okay , what you do with this and then I mix it together . I fried it . It was like , of course , made it all the same you know , I should try but it gave me the chance to look at life from in high up .
In this time I was above each other a bit and looked at it okay , how should I do ? Where should I go ? So I took one baby step after the moment , I could see what it should be . I started paying the price , taking one baby step after another , and then luck began to happen and then luck began to happen .
I'll spray my price , and then luck began to happen . So , one step after another , one step after another , and then you find yourself right where you should be .
So it could be faster it could be faster , it could be slower , yeah , but the moment .
You know you are on the journey you should be on . So if I want to remain in the broadcast industry , yeah , I know that I must make friends that elevate me within the broadcast industry all right even if I'm not making so many friends within the broadcast industry , I know I should not populate my cycle with friends who have no idea of where I'm going .
At least I know that for sure how's that the programming about ? Recently , and then I'm studying what the guys see them . Of course , I'm sure I'm over that now .
I'm telling him that I should go back for you he said why
¶ Navigating Mental Resilience and Peaceful Acceptance
?
I said why are you still struggling to get into this industry ? You were already in it and now , standing before you here today , I'm the one talking to you , I'm the one addressing you . I said he listened to you that in just the years I've given to this special , I'm here , you are there seated listening to me .
It means I have looked as I've gone somewhere along the line . I paid my price and I'm here looking at someone who is at least eight years I don't mean industry seated listening to me , learning from me . I said , as you know , nobody has seen brother .
Brother , if you don't see from where you're like , ask yourself at the end of 90 years , so you're able to not there .
So finally , for this final , trust me , this is fine , I'm not a pastor . Finally , finally , all that you said now , how does it impact your mental resilience ?
let me say , I'm quite good listen , I put in the mix . I , I would still only focus on what is next .
So I think my , my mental , state is true of sex to be bogged down . To be bogged down by anything ? Yeah , so I see it .
I know that certain things are going to happen along the line , so I feel that , well , this is going to happen , so you already have prepared to support yourself when that curveball comes , james if I walk into any relationship to be , I know you can't feel it's a 50 50 .
This person came in , I'm there , so 50 . So if it turns , as long as I showed that they played the party , should we play while we were together ? I didn't just open the door to them and allow them walking , like that you get to . As long as they played . The party was supposed to play while they were eating .
I think I'm fine because it's still failing forward . You see me failing forward . For example , even if you are the right young , there are things you feel that , oh , definitely . So I already know that a lot of prices will be paid , just like getting them down . Someone wrote and said decide what you want from life .
You know that said and then ask someone else , you have to pay .
I have to pay something . So I will see them as well at the delay in having a child in marriage . I didn't put that away , so I'm sure I love it . I'm very sure .
I just don't know the time so sometimes now , the first time we're going to , to the first time she got pregnant this is a bit private but I'm not to share and then we'll not search out and then , a few months after , my finances took it very terribly down to and I told her that God knows , I've known that that time we got back so far .
No , you didn't . I told you I . No , you didn't say . No , I know you did . I know you tell yourself . No , you didn't tell her I did . I'm sorry .
I'm sorry . You know he must have seen that and I'm sure he didn't want me to have a chat in Penang .
Oh my , what a mental space .
I always like to find an intentional reason for something like that .
Does that help you cope ? Yeah , it helps . That's my coping mechanism .
That makes peace . The moment I tell my wife I say the moment I make peace with an eventuality , doesn't matter what I tell her . I won't tell my dad or some of your people , but I won't go up to the doctor and say if this guy wants to die , let him go . He said ah , why are you saying that ? I said I already made absolute peace with him .
The pattern . So if he wants to go , let him go , Because I've asked my self-OK . He's done with a newness that could ground him . For the rest of his time he would have to go to your hospital .
Almost every now and then .
I told the doctor . I said if I am my dad , I am very sure that I will remember that I will make my children just mistakenly so I am sure that's the start . So if he wants to go , let's not put him on any life support . If this is time , it's a time .
Let him have peace . There are so many things that I'm not liking . We shouldn't be that alike . I'm female , please , ok . So who asked you to be the first person ? I was going to ask ? How did you do the question ? I was going to ask the question I was going to ask .
You said you put on one of my posts the other day and said you better change your gender , like why ? What's up with you ?
You should find some place that works for you during the year that you think you could be . So that's . I respect you , but I feel you are too masculine to bring the body of your female and on that note , and on that note , this episode .
We Mindful you to me , shea , and I sincerely have enjoyed this conversation . It was not what we were planning . We're going to now go ahead to have the conversation we actually planned to have and I'm so , so grateful for this , because it's when people speak with me and ask me and when I tell a bit of my story , like how did she get to this point ?
How are you able to navigate ? How are you ?
Most of the things that you've said today is how , like being at peace with eventuality , being at peace with how other people will respond and react to you , being at peace with the past , that you played in anything , because you have to take accountability , that makes it easier for your coping mechanism , or for you to develop a coping mechanism .
That would definitely serve you . Thank you , adé Dio , or more . Do you know what I'm pitting ? I didn't say the person I'm pitting right now is the person that would transcribe this show . Ah , sorry , thank you , until next time on Mindful YouTube . I wish you love yourself , love your neighbor , love this country . Above all of this , love God .
Use the essence of your being . I said love yourself first . That's the first thing I said now You're so yes , no , yes , no , did you have to do that ? Yeah , oh my . So you can imagine the kinds of conversation myself and this human has Got this human , yes , this human . Until next time , stay curious .