¶ Tribute to Grief
Welcome to another enriching episode of Mindfully with Tumishe . Today , we explore the intersection of grief , love and legacy through the eyes of someone who is not only lifted but is also documented in a deeply moving way . My guest today is Princess Mofebishola Mefuorade Omokweloye . She's the author of In the Footsteps of Love 32 Lessons from my Abba .
This book is more than a memoir , and Omogwariopo of Olgotwinkiti is using this as a tribute , a heartfelt tribute , to her father , the late His Royal Majesty Oba Samuel Oladakwo Oyibade . Through 32 profound lessons , she takes us on a journey of wisdom , faith , history and the values that shape a life well lived .
We'll be discussing the powerful stories in the book , the importance of preserving history and how grief can birth transformation . I also will be sharing my personal reflections on the book and why it is a tribute to grief .
So grab a cup of tea or coffee or water , settle in and let's dive into this conversation that promises to be as inspiring and , as it is , thought-provoking . I am uluwatsumise oladapo kuku . I have here I don't even know how to say it like my heart is beating bing , bing , bing , bing bing . Princess , princess Mufibisholamefurade Omokweli Me .
Who you Maddie , how you , babe , I'm fine , thank you .
Okay , so this is a full circle movement . Do you know why it's a full circle movement ? Remember , when we're trying , when we're building a studio studio you were the first person I tested the mic on you remember ? Yeah , we're trying to get angles and how this place works .
So thank you very much for honoring me to come talk about , in footsteps of love , 32 lessons from Abba . Abba was .
Abba . Abba is the dialect um word for father okay , you know kidding yes , so my dialect is Abba .
In Yoruba it's Baba oh , ok , it's not so far from Hebraic or Aramaic way of saying father . Again , we are all so connected we just don't know how connected we are .
Sometimes I don't understand when we have all this disagreements and we are all trying to find , and all the disagreements we are having is all of us trying to find ourselves in this thing that we're called world , called world . But let's not even get , because if I get into you now , I'm not finished . All right , so let me tell you um , I retitled this book .
I'm sure you read it . I'm sure you read it . I'm sure you read it . I'm sure you read it . I retitled it A Tribute to Grief . How did that land with you when you read that ?
Well , it didn't come as a surprise , actually . How so as a surprise , actually . How so well . For most people , when they lose a loved one , they tend to grieve immediately . I didn't get to do that okay and I'm sure most of my siblings didn't get the well as well . So I think the first time I cried was his first post-mortem birthday , oh yeah .
So I just I'm like oh , normally , weeks before the birthday , everybody's calling oh , where will you be ? Where will you be ? How are we putting things together and all of that . And for the first time there was no calls , no messages . What are we doing this year ? And then on that birthday date finally , don't tell me that this one is gone .
And maybe because I was home alone that day , I I cried for about 45 minutes more now and I'm like okay , so this is the end . And well , there has to be more to this than just crying . Crying and after all the tears and I'm like , okay , so every year on this birthday I'll just maybe take myself out to celebrate nice . So that was .
That was when I came up with the idea of celebrating on his birthdays instead of just staying sad and having all of those emotions around to me okay .
So how , how , how was it for you emotionally being omogori opo ? Okay , for those who don't know what omogori opo is , especially if you're listening from outside nigeria she became the regent right after her father transitioned . So in yoruba we do not say the king has died , we say they transitioned . Oh , how did you put it in the book ?
They have gone from one realm to another .
So in Yoruba the word would be obawaja , that means it has gone a step higher ?
Oh , in the realm , yes , in the realm of existing , and that's so . Would you say that your delayed grief is tied to you being a regent right after ? Or did you always know you were going to be a regent ?
Yes and no . All right Fair . Yes and no . Alright fair . Okay , so to a large extent I had a feeling I was going to be , but then again I had . I have an elder sister . Should I say elder sister now ? Sorry , my dad has a daughter .
Okay , an elder daughter , daughter in most places the first daughter gets to be the regent , so I really wasn't expecting to be the regent .
and how did you handle , you know , losing him and all the drama that comes with administration , the administration of being well , you were more or less a king , and then you also just had a baby and all of that , and you just lost your father-in-law . So it was , oh Lord . How did that work for you ?
It wasn't easy work for you .
It wasn't easy .
Most times I was on the road trying not to stay away from home . Okay , that's my marital home , okay and at the same time trying to keep up with what's happening in Ogotun , ekiti . So sometimes we're in Ekiti two weeks and in Lagos three days . Sometimes we're in Lagos a week , we're in Ekiti two days . Sometimes we do go .
We're in Lagos today , we're in Ekiti in the middle of the week and by weekend we're back in Lagos and traveling with a child . It's never easy , but then we had the best support system anybody could have asked for , so it kind of made it a little bit easy .
It'll be easy Just a little bit . So let's get to InfoSteps of Love .
¶ Lessons Learned From Grieving Process
Were you writing this book during your regency ? You wrote it because I read there that you were at an event and then all the 32 um lessons came . You just kept writing . Was this during your regency or on his birthday ?
no , it was during regency . That was december 2021 . Okay , I had gone for oligos congress . Okay , reading and um and it was quite .
It was quite a non-won at the oligos congress , wasn't he ? Now it was always there .
so when , when I arrived and um , I entered the auditorium , I knew a lot of people and so most of them came hey , how are you , how is mommy , how are things ? And I should you know , let me just get asking questions and asking questions , and I was after I shut out . I was there but I wasn't there .
And as the service started , people were , and as the service started , people were praising God and all of that , and then it just didn't sit well , not exactly , and then I didn't go with a note and a pen , so all the lessons just had come in .
So I picked my phone , I opened my notepad and then I just had typed in I'm like oh , oh , this would do for just to share something . I wasn't even thinking of writing a book , and then I did the hashtags and all of that . I think that night I wrote about um , I wrote about 20 lessons yes , because of this service . I still have it on my note .
And then that was how I got most of the lessons . I guess maybe one line per lesson . Then I'm like oh , you know , as they were coming sharing . Oh , he was such a good man , he was always at camp , he would do misogynist service this one down , blah , blah , blah . And then I began to write .
So that was where it came from , and when I decided to flesh it out a bit , it became bigger and bigger and bigger what was the first one that came since you ? have it on your notebook lesson .
What was , what was the first lesson that came ? Before we go into the 32 lessons , what was the first lesson that came ? Because I'm wondering . When I lost my mom , the last thing I wanted to do was write the same thing . When I lost my dad , the last thing I wanted to do was to be creative in any way .
I wasn't crying I still haven't cried , but for me it just felt like , uh , a part of creativity , a part of my creative self just died . And the same thing happened when ian , who died too . Uh , a part of a creative part of me that I'm just picking up that .
So I'm wondering what the first but maybe it's it aligns with how you put that but what was the first you wrote down on that night ?
I think the first thing I wrote that night would be fighting your battles wisely how quaint and why was that the first , I know at that point , yeah , we had not cancelled the Thanksgiving service .
Oh , we eventually .
I think we cancelled first week of January . At that point we were still planning oh , yeah , oh yeah but by then we had , we had thoughts .
There's been guys , don't worry we'll leave that address , but let's talk about . But by then we had , we had thoughts . There is me , guys , don't worry . But let's talk about the book again . We've talked about what , what ? The significance , the cultural significance of the king going to another realm , and how does this cultural perspective shape your grieving process ?
Giving that you could not truly give him that kingly um , that royal burial that we all wanted for him to have . So how did did ? That metaphor affects the way or impact the way you graved him , as you wrote , in his first steps of life ?
well for the process , the traditional rite . We did a lot of that every single one so it was the party , it was the party , it was the party part . And then the fellow jew for everybody to see oh , this man has great children that we didn't get to do uh but for everything we're supposed to do traditionally we clicked .
We clicked all the boxes , Okay so you being a Magorio pool at that point and you being in his footsteps , quite literally , how did that impact your understanding of leadership and responsibility ? Because there's a chapter on that . So how did that impact you , because there's a chapter on that . So how did that impact you ?
I think for one I got to understand my dad better because for him sometimes he put or got too ahead of us . I didn't get to understand that growing up . But then , while I was his homo group , I knew why I had to do some of the things he did and I understand why myself and my siblings had to leave home early . My brother left home at two .
Pastor was sent to the virgin house at years . Wow , I , I left that four . Wow . And then I think pf and buddy also left around four , five , four or five . So papa was the youngest .
So I I could understand he didn't want us growing up not just growing up inun , but then in a way it kind of shattered us away from what was happening in town and then we did not have everybody putting eyes in our business .
And at some point when my brothers were in school in Ogotun , one time they were leading in their classes and some parents were copying it . Is it because they are princes ? That is why they always dig first . So , taking us out of town took that away . So in a way it could without us being in town . I mean , even security-wise it wasn't so safe .
So it could focus on the things he needs to focus on knowing we're safe where we are , and then yeah , so that takes me .
Is that the first chapter in the book where always put your family first ? that should be two or three yeah , that's less things blessing If you guys are the first . The lesson two was choose your battles wisely . The lesson one got over everything , yes .
Lesson three you said put your immediate family first , and in my notes here I'm like what you wrote here is your spouse and children don't need to fight or remind you before you put them in the order of importance . Take me to the story you told in the book when Kabezi put you on his lap . Do you want to tell us the story ?
Yeah , Okay , so we had gone to Ondo town . My mom is from ondo town in . Was it 2002 ? Oshima ? We had just passed , and then it was the um .
Yes , it was , I am the only girl and I had always thought that that word was ose mawe , ose mawe . Thank you very much for that education .
Go ahead and then it was the outing service for him .
So we all went , just I think , dad , mom and myself , so we got in and we told the arrangement this and that , and my grandma's is he a friend now , but then she's very familiar with my grandma and then so she knows my mom very well and then when she sees my mom and she's like oh okay , your daughter can't sit here , my mom goes why ?
He said no , this place is not meant for children , it's for the cabiases . My mom says then I have to go and sit outside . So my mom said no , Well , because she was my grandma's supposed friend . My mom was like , okay , let it go . But my dad said I wasn't going to sit outside , I wasn't going to be far away from him One .
It was a big ceremony , there were a lot of guests and I was I would think I was less than I was less than 12 at the time . So 12 , that's a big gauge though but go ahead , yeah , and you know , you just didn't want the idea of , oh , what is going to happen to this child ?
If I don't , if my eyes are now , now all the time and yeah , she gets lost or something . So I said , no , you know what we happen . Okay , you can take the seats , no problem , out lappa . My mom wanted to , but he said , no , that was good to let me , and he did what a memory for you .
What a memory for you . How in , of course , because you're the last with a lot of older people , and then you became an amogoripu , then you had to deal with other elders and other kings , and all of that .
How was it , how has it been for you growing up with such elderly people , such I don't want to say wisdom , because from what I've read in the book , it's not like all other people are wise , but you know how how has that shaped the way you relate with people and yeah , you're the way you relate with people with that kind of story in your backpack ?
well , I'd rather be in the background than be at the forefront and where other people are just great and move on . I remember I almost had my brothers with me . One of my friends had said oh , it's such a good thing , you're shocked and I asked , why Family joke ?
Because every it was at a wedding , I think pf's wedding , and then I was , I'm seeing this person , I'm bending , I'm leaning down , oh good afternoon . And then she's like how are you doing this ? In one minute you are up next to your dad , is it because you're short ? So I think I just mostly what I used to do was I just
¶ Lessons on Family and Giving
I'd . Before I became a mcgur I just I'd greet and move on like I'm out , except Popsin now says oh , I want you to sit in for this meeting or something like that , other than that I greet and move if I'm on . But then when I became a mokoroko , it kind of changed . I couldn't hide anymore . Sometimes .
I wish I can anyways , but I couldn't hide anymore sometimes I wish I can anyways , but I couldn't and um , I just listen . It came with a lot of um restrictions oh you cannot longer bend . You can't bend to greet anybody . Just sit there where you are , wherever comes . You don't even have to shake them , just wave the hostile at them .
You cannot raise your hand , just sit where you are , wherever comes . You don't even have to shake them , just wave the hostel at them . You cannot raise your hand , just sit where you are , just do the .
If you want to be the person , just do the hostel this way and I'm like , oh , okay is that and the hat part , though you have to wear your hat forever yeah . And then of course they said um , the head has to be covered , you can't eat in public , you can't drink in public , if you are that thing .
How did you navigate that mentally ? How did you navigate that ? Forget the support system . I'm asking you now how you navigated that .
Most times , I just want to stay indoors . I just close myself off , and I mean when I'm indoor , I'm not in public , so I can't do it's your leg off .
Yeah , yeah , okay , one of those , one of my , most . Of course , you know that the history part is going is my favorite part and all that , but here's a story . There are two stories that I wanted to highlight . Giving is a blessing . That's lesson number , that's lesson number four and um .
I remember a particular year after the muslim community in my own town of ogotwekiti left their praying ground during the annual leah celebrations , they had stopped to see my dad on their way back to town . After prayers they stopped at my dad's private residence , the one before he moved permanently into the palace .
The custom was for these muslim faithfuls to stop year in , year out , for two things the first , to pay homage , uh , to pay respect to their homage . He was , after all , the king and the father , the spiritual head of the kingdom . Secondly , they prayed for him in the kingdom .
He would then greet them and address them although I can't remember the exact year now , but I was at home when they arrived and I remember the story he told them that day quite well , in admonishing them , he spoke on given . He explained that when god wants to bless people , he starts from the head .
From the head , the blessings flows to the other parts of the body the forehead , eyes , ears , nose , mouth , to the neck and then to the shoulders . It is from this point that it moves to the arms , hands and finally fingers . At this level , the blessings are supposed to flow to others , so the hands have to be left open to bless others .
That metaphor is beautiful . What makes you remember that story ?
I don't know , it's ghost talk with me yeah , yeah , and and how is that ?
as that shipments the way you give , or with all , because you also know that people take that for granted . Yeah , you and I know that . So how has that helped you ? This lesson ? What's the balance that you find in all the lessons that your dad left ?
okay . So for this particular lesson , I think the balance for me would be if I want , if you need something and you come to me , let's say you need 50k , oh , I need 50 000 . I want to repair something , I want to buy something . I ask you what do you want to use this thing for ? Am I for business ? Okay , and then I ask you how much do you have ?
If you need 50k , you don't expect me to give you 50k .
Yeah .
And then we say , oh , I have 30k , all I'm looking for is 20k . And then I tell you okay , I can give you the 20k , but I can't give you immediately . You have to give me time to put it in my plan . It can be next month , it can be whenever .
But I will give you . I will give you , but I'm not going to give you immediately .
When I'm ready , I will give it to you oh yeah , so that's one way and then once I have to look at what you've been doing , for instance in local soon . We all know ourselves . We know what everybody is up to yeah so if you have this , um , if you are known that , oh , this person is not so serious .
So if you come to me for that kind of help I'm thinking based on what this person is known for , based on what this person has done before , can I actually help this person ? Will I be helping this person if I do this ? Is that ?
different than the way your father did it .
I think something like that Because I think he has a budget for giving monthly and then when he exceeds it there's nothing you can do .
Absolutely nothing .
Even as a child , you have to wait . Wow , when you say , oh , daddy , we have this book we're supposed to buy in school and he says how much is this book ? And you say , oh , daddy , we have this book we're supposed to buy in school . And he says how much is this book ? And you say , oh , it's 10k . He goes it's not in my plans for this month .
Maybe next month I'll put it in for you . Can you wait till next month ? He asks you . Can you wait till next month ?
Yeah .
And then we say , ah , it's very urgent , you can wiggle , you can wiggle , you can wiggle , but if it's not so urgent , you have to wait till next month all right .
So lesson five as you can see , I wrote here the debate , lesson five , okay . Uh , it says take care of your parents , and you and I know that there's debates all over socials as to whether you should take care of your parents , and you and I know that there's debates all over socials as to whether you should take care of your parents , and all that .
And I'm glad that you spoke to the fact that being a Mogorio would give you perspective about how some decisions your dad made . Again , a Mogorio is simply a regent , all right , but saying regents is not sweet in english . It's not , it's not making it , it's not carrying the weights that you supposed to carry .
So , um , you were a son of a guru , um , and understanding now how some certain things your dad did as the king and the spiritual father and how that affected them . Let's come to taking care of parents . Um , you say here there's no point spending all the money in the world for one's parents funeral if you cannot care for them while they were alive .
Yeah , it may not be their retirement plan , which is the debate , but you should still show them love and respect from being the vehicle that brought you into this world . Some people will say , no , I'm just . Yes , that is me . I did my own jarrah .
If they were ever , if they were ever responsible for you when you were young and knew nothing about life , it's only fair that you should do the same now that they are old , getting frail and not as strong and as they used to be . Don't worry , she balances it . She says I understand some parents did not pull their weight enough .
They may not have loved and cared for you as a child . They may have torn you down with their words and action . As you grow , as you read this book , I am urging you to forgive them . My dad loved his parents and did all he could to take care of them in their lifetime . He admitted that his mom's death was one of the saddest events of his life .
He was pained . He could not do much for her , and then he passed the affection he had for his mom to his sisters . After her death , he took up the responsibility of his six other siblings , a decision that made him leave work at Ibaido to return to Ikiti so he could be closer to them .
His sisters all occupied an important place in his life , such that he took on the duty of caring for them and some of the children . Can we do the debate now ? You know it's a big debate , yeah , extended family , immediate family and this story here and the lesson number three that says , put your immediate family first , how do they align ?
okay , they are both important , but one is more important , one is important so the immediate family is more important . You should take care of them . But at the same time I think one's parents are equally important to one . I mean , one of the reasons I could let go of that January 29th party for my dad was because I knew , oh , why this man was alive .
Every birthday we were around him . Day we were around , we're around him . So losing out on the party wasn't such a bad idea after . I mean , he knew we had children that loved him . So they are both important . Your parents are important . Your immediate family are more important .
More important .
More important , so you just have to find a way to balance it . Yes , your immediate family should be around you . Your parents don't have to live with you . They can be in their own place . Just ensure they get the help that they need .
If it's to get somebody , if it's to get a nurse to take care of them or to get a living maid for them , you can do that . Get them the maids . So what would you ?
say about when you know and don't look at me , don't use me as an example . Don't use me as an example . I had to put that there because I knew you .
So what would you say to people whose parents just like you said in the second paragraph of that chapter whose parents were truly mean to them and they're finding it difficult to move past the pain to actually now take care of them ?
What would you be saying to them ? It's difficult to get past that and sometimes you can't do it on your own . Sometimes you really have to pray about it and if you are able to not maybe not love them as much as you would like to , but then the little you feel , oh , this is what I can do for this person , just to honour them .
Just to honour them , just do it and move on .
For the sake of posterity .
Yeah , not just for the sake of posterity , for your own peace too , because the more you abhor them , the more you about them , the more you eat them , gotcha the more you're stunted .
That's the truth because you're stunted emotionally it affects the people around you .
So sometimes you just do it for yourself , not just not necessarily for them , but then for yourself my , my , one of my favorite part is mr
¶ Lessons on History and Death
.
It could have been worse oh , that story .
I heard it over and over and over and over again oh , be grateful .
That's lesson number 10 . It could have been worse . Tell the story . Please tell the story , please Tell the story .
Okay , so I think there are two stories that it would always say that I , I like , I love . So one is this could have been worse . A man that , whatever happens to him , whatever happens to you , and , uh , let me go meet this wise old man and talk to him .
And then he goes , I say , ah , but life has been very difficult , this one , that one has happened . And then the man looks at you and he tells you , be grateful , mommy , it could have been worse . And then you're like I just told this man , I've lost everything I've worked for . And he's telling me I should be grateful . Why do I have to be grateful ?
Why does he keep saying it could have been worse ? Why is he saying this ? And you know the way it is in the um villages , of course , that man's name I mean . In ogotust there was a man people used to cook well in india .
Simply because , simply because each time you greet him , oh , he tells you oh , my dear his name automatically became pelemindia , and there are a lot of other people like that based on what they say all the time . Frequently , people have named them based on that , so this man's name eventually became mr . Could have been worse ?
I mean , what else does this man have to tell us other than he could have been worse ? Oh this , oh , don't let me even go . I mean that man , I know what he will tell me already . He will just say be grateful he could have been worse . What else is he going to say before I go ?
So a lot of people already knew him , but I'm like , oh , what are we going to do about this man ? We need him to say something else other than this . Let's even see him at broken . Let's see if you still say it could have been worse . And then they planned , and then came up with a plan .
The man's son was coming back home after a long time he had traveled abroad , and they're like , okay , we'll just , it was in the era of no phones , we'll just kill him and let's see if this man will still tell us it could have been worse . And so they executed the plan .
And on his way home , before he got to where they were waiting for , him to be killed he had an accident and he was taken to the hospital . So the people waiting to kill him he didn't get to them , so they couldn't kill him .
And the people that went to meet the old man with the news that , oh , your son was involved in an accident were surprised when he told them thank god , it could have been worse and in this case it really could have been worse but he didn't know that . And then those ones were like , oh , it was at that point .
They actually , it literally just made sense to them that , oh , this man is actually correct . That is why he has been saying it could have been worse . It is actually true . And that was when I think it was at that point that they got the lesson , that they understood what Mr Could have Been Worse has been saying all those years back .
Why did you use that story for the Be Grateful chapter ? That's Lesson 10 .
Well , when I was writing I think after I had finished the first draft , and somebody suggested that why don't you tell some stories ? Why don't you just include stories in this thing so that it makes it um relatable , relatable ? And then was like preferably stories .
You heard from your dad stories about his life , and it was at that point that we , I began to add stories and I think I added , I think I added about 10 or more stories at that point a good name is priceless okay someone might say that because he was a king .
But then we'll know we know what is happening with kings right now . I brought kings and the things that they say it wasn't like that in his era . You know a good name is I don't even want to stick it because road kings and the things that they say or can't , it wasn't like that in his era . You know , a good name is great .
I don't even want to stick it because it's a huge debate , it's the weather , you know because . But I'm glad that his name speaks for you . History that's my favorite chapter , so let's sit down there for just a bit . This is lesson 15 . And I think that's the crux of this matter , of the whole of this book .
Your father was a historian and I think you have beating of his just more , just a little bit . Alright , while history is in the past this is from the book in the footsteps of love that has seen that is two , 36 , 32 lessons from about . While history is in the past , it's advocacy for history , oh sorry .
While history is in the past , it can be used as a reference and can teach some lessons . Hence my strong advocacy for history to be taught in our schools , the correct history , of course , not adulterated truths or half lies that have been passed down .
The true account of what happened in the past , about history is that the facts of history can be adulterated by anyone telling the account of a particular past event depending on his or her interest . How does that lesson serve you now ? Because , because you sat as a mogul , you are the CEO of Estara Concept .
I know that you have a couple of people that you're responsible to and for . How has this served ? Does this help you in a sort of money kind of way when people bring cases to you ?
okay . So for history , my okay . So what popsy would do normally when we get home is most times even some things that happened quite in your presence . It tells you again . I guess it was just trying to make us . He was trying to make it sink in things that were happening and then , because he wrote a lot of things , it doesn't throw anything away .
Yeah , there's a chapter on that . Document everything .
So we kind of know everything . And something happened after he passed . We had land issues with our neighbors and then they claimed oh , the land is theirs and all of that and all of that . And then when we escalated and we got to um the commissioner , local government affairs , and um chieftaincy issues , so the guys from my phone .
And then the guy goes , you cannot be dragging land with all got some people . That was what I told you at that time . The other party that back in the days , that back in the days the neighbors of ogotun were a phone ally in equity daiji , that's a correct those were the initial neighbors . Those were the people historically .
Those were the people historically . Those were the people we used to share boundary with . That you people are now there now does not mean their land is yours . If we go back in the days you cannot claim the land you are now claiming . So , historically , the commissioner went that way , that way to bring out history .
And then he said , well , in best interest , to ensure peace and all of that , let everybody go back home and maintain status quo . So that was how he ended it . Oh my goodness , so he went the history part , maybe because he knows history . He knew the people we were neighbours with before .
So if you know your history in a way helps you understand who you are , make better decisions , for yourself and for those around you , that's simple and short , okay , so I don't even know whether it's going to be heavy .
But lesson 16 death is inevitable . I absolutely love how you open this . It says death is not really a bad thing . It all depends on how you open this . It says death is not really a bad thing . It all depends on how you look at it . For some , it is an opportunity to rest from all troubles , pains and sufferings they have been through .
It may seem like the end of life , but the real sense of it it marks a new beginning for everyone , to the one who had died and the ones that may have been left behind . Was this grief speaking ? Was this grief speaking ? Or this is how you choose ? Or is the metaphor of Obawaja that is speaking ? Or or was this just you trying to navigate grief with ?
Where did this definition of death come from ?
Where it just came . But then , when you have loved ones that have been sick for a while , that have been in and out of hospitals , and when the person is an older person even doctors don't send you you get to the hospitals and they say , oh , you're 70 , I would enough today . What are you ? doing here some doctors say it .
I think there was a time my dad went to the hospital and the doctor told him oh , you're old enough to die . And then , when the head of the department heard about it , he was furious . And that day he advised us that each time he visits the hospital he shouldn't use his real age . And then I read about another hospital somewhere in Ekiti .
No , I've gone to another place in Ekiti . Once you're 75 and above and you go in there , don't even think about coming out alive , wow . So the idea is they would go all out for younger people . But when you're older , they're like oh , you've seen life , you've seen a lot , you can go and rest now . But back to what I initially said .
When , when you've had a family member that has been sick for a while , sometimes you just want them to just rest from it all , oh , you've tried , let's just , you don't want the person to die .
But you've taken in the person's pains and you're like , oh , this man that used to run around everywhere himself is suddenly not able to move 200 meters at a stretch . If he does 100 meters , oh , you're like , oh , ah , this man has strength today .
So when you look at all of that and you're like um , you know , for some older people they don't want to be in that condition where someone would have to carry them inside , carry them from wherever , or they want to cross the road . Somebody is helping them to cross the gutter , and all of that some of them don't like .
They would just rather prefer let me go now , honorably , and just stay here and live through this .
I know , I know that for a fact . So , as we round this off , yes , I have called the tribute you gave and of course I do not . I do not think I want to change that . But how has it's not the last question , but we are rounding off how has it's not the last question , but it's we're running off how has um , the vaginous of kbc ?
Okay , so let me be serious how , how has the transition of kbc transformed you ?
okay , so for one I I get to stop acting like a last born .
Oh , you're good .
And I had to take actions , take decisions . Sometimes I have to put myself last , last , think about others , think about the impact of my decision before I take them . And basically , I had to grow up , you had to stop being a .
If your father were here today and he read this book , what would he say ?
well day and he read this book , what would he say ? Well , um , but I think the first thing would have to is would have done rather , um , I think we did the book first . Oh yes , fair enough , it's very thorough . So I think you would have done that . And then would I just say is this what you have to say about my life ?
Maybe you would have said that , and I think you would have just said well , you tried , but could have been better .
Is that you speaking or him speaking , though ?
Okay . So I'm thinking of it as that word , so that , ah , hug me Andrew , hug me Andrew . Maybe you can just think about writing my biography next . You know Okay , but I'm not going in that direction , that I know you can say that . I know you can just think about writing my biography next . You know Okay .
But I'm not going in that direction . That I know you can say . That I know you can say If you could have one more meal with your dad , what would that meal be ? Don't tell me in your face .
I don't know , but if I would whatever it is he wants , and then I would just , I think I would just like to wait for him to finish whatever it is he's eating , and then I can take everything in his plate and finish up the food .
Classic last word If you had to describe your dad's personality using only a Yoruba proverb proverb only steeple proverb now when you were throwing around proverbs in the book . It is only that I was going to ask you . Excuse you , I'm speaking with , I'm going to go . You are a leader .
So , yeah , excuse you , I'm speaking , I'm speaking with and I'm going to go . I start to concern right now . You are a leader , so , yeah , see the way you are saying Deji . Do you know ? I already thought it was Deji . Oh , my goodness .
I didn't even know myself . Go ahead , I don't know . I don't know what proverb to use now to describe him , but I don't know what proverb to use now to describe him , but I think it would . I can't think of a proverb actually , but Maybe it would have . It would have been . The best word to use to describe him would have been um .
The best words used to describe him would have been I'm not a fighter it's not a fighter .
Yeah , why you think about that ? If you could time travel to witness one moment in his life , if you could time travel , what moment would that be In his life ? Mm-hmm .
There are many interesting moments .
Just one , the one that comes to you immediately .
Just don't think about it so much , you know there are many things I heard about him , maybe from his pregnancy to , so which of these ?
would you ? You know , there are many things I heard about him , maybe from his pregnancy , so which of these would you wish you had witnessed ?
Maybe the day his mom was pregnant and was at the farm and you know the way they always she had laid the wrapper on the floor that over , num , tired out , grand rest or something . By the time she go back there , she met a feather and then she was like , oh , drop this , this wasn't here when I left another of that .
And then , by the time they told her the significance of that , by the time they told her the significance of that , that was it . I think it was at that point that she knew , oh , this was no ordinary child , so maybe I would have liked to be there when she got that resolution truly spoken as an amogoripo
¶ Lessons From Fathers and Grief
.
Okay , so let's round this up . What's one habit of your dad's that you have unintentionally picked up ? I can answer that , but answer documentation , no , I'm not .
As thorough as it was , but I am not as thorough as it was .
So I hear you , if you that had a theme song , what would you be a theme ?
song . I think his favorite poem was um oh it was quite . Yeah , he , that is down at no fear .
Uh , falling , falling , yeah , yes , okay what's one thing you think your father would have been terrible at ?
I can make .
I mean was tea , that's our team makes very well so any other thing are your own if you could send your father a message today , like a letter , what would be your first sentence ?
I think I would start with . Maybe I won't start with . I miss you . I'd rather say thank you . Thank you for there are many things you think use now , so thank you would definitely be the first phrase what do you want people ?
final , I trust , believe me . What do you want people to take away from in the first steps of love ?
there are two lessons from my back so I think the most um important thing is so that his grandchildren I mean they're still young maybe in the next five , ten years they get to have an idea of who their grandfather was , and then I mean , area was less than the years is he's definitely going to know , is definitely going to know , who his grandfathers are let
me share , let me explain that sort of inside joke .
This is my sister , by the way . My father died April 2021 and my father transitioned let me speak because I'm in front of royalty and her father transitioned September 23rd . It was just about 4 months when my dad died , and he was about 8 months when my dad died . What an interesting year that year was , though . Yes , yeah , eight months , one year that day .
What an interesting year that year was , though . Um , yes , uh , yeah , he knows them by well . I think he knows them when he sees them , and thank you very much for it . I don't .
I , of course , I'm writing a story about my mother and I right now , and that's going to come up later in the year , but I don't know what I'm going to ever write a story about my dad , but the story In this ? Let me quickly just run through the the 32 . Okay , it says God is over everything . Choose your battles wisely . Put your immediate family first .
Giving is a blessing . Take care of your parents . Hard work pays um . Document everything . Plan , make plans for the future . A different viewpoint . It could have been worse . Be grateful , uh . Lesson 11 is a good name , is Priceless . 12 , sharing Goodness . Oh , that's a good story too . You should read it . And lesson 13 , personal Development Is A Must .
We didn't talk about self-awareness . That would take too long . All right , rest Is Underrated , so what are you doing differently ? History Can't Be Distorted . Then lesson 16 , death inevitable . We have level 17 telling us learn to say no . You need to find out how capisi said no an angry person I only saw him .
I think I only saw him angry once .
I wish I could say the same . An angry person is a semi-mad person . Relationships are key . Lesson 20 , words are powerful . 21 , you are made by your decisions . Live within your means . 22, . Prayer plays a critical role in receiving answers . Live well . 24 um . Learn from your mistakes from mystics , not your mistakes from mystics . Life is in phases .
One of my favorite quotes be generous and exercise discretion . We spoke about that . Life goes on even after anything could have been worse . Home is where the heart is . Lesson 13 . It takes a community to raise a child . Promotions will bring you unfriendly friends . Lesson 31 . Figure that . That's lesson 31 . And then lesson 32 is transition periods are delicate .
Now , here's the thing . These are 32 , so one for each day , except february . Except february , all right , one for each day . You actually can just take one and read it and meditate and expand it for yourself and then be able to relate it to yourself
¶ Lessons in Self-Awareness and Legacy
. Your own stories you've heard me say over and over again that a story are stories of origin . Whether good , whether bad , whether in the middle , these are sitting with .
Our stories are the things that make us better people , because we become then self-aware of the things that we should drop and the things that we should pick your final words as we round off . If you have any , if you have any .
Final words would be many people leave and I mean they are gone , but then once in a while we remember them , we remember their names , but then there's really nothing to say about them , because sometimes we tend to forget after a while not for everybody anyways .
The memories may fade , but then I think the whole essence of the book is so that in maybe 50 years time , when I'm beginning to , lose it . you can remember , I can remember him clearly , and then same for the children and grandchildren and maybe the great-great-grandchildren , three generations down the line . They know something about their forefather .
That's the whole essence , all right , that's a good essence , all right , and we've been speaking with , but I mean , are you still a mcgurry or your immediate person ? What do we say in santa ?
but in your balando say um once a regent , always a region . Okay , we speak , we've been speaking . Speaking with Princess did .
I say it right . May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 , may 4 , may 4 , may 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 , may 4 , may 4 , may 4 May 4 May , 4 May 4 , may , 4 , may 4 May 4 May 4 May 4 May , 4 May , 4 May 4 . May 4 steps of love 32 lessons from Abba .
His royal majesty Abba Samuel Oladapo , who yebaded the immediate past , ologotun of Ogotun Ikiti . How does this story relate with living mindfully , simple self-awareness , writing your stories of origin and taking whatever it is from your parents or the people around you to help you rewrite your story for yourself and for the future ? Follow us on socials .
We'd appreciate it . Mindfully to me , she , or to me she , okuku , I am Ulua . To me she , to me she , oh , I am . Will you watch me , she ? Or like that , pokoku . Love yourself , love your neighbor , love your country . Above all of this , love God . He see a sense of your being .