How To Handle Feedback? Constructive vs Destructive Ft Amber Wallin

to everybody else's opinion around it. But I feel like people don't want to do that that's a little bit too much labor. So they're like, let me just say, I hate this new thing. I don't like it. Dr. Raquel Martin: I'm gonna just say I don't know, I think people need to normalize. Like, I don't I don't know enough about this to talk about it from an objective lens. So I got to research this and come back like many people put value into being

right or having the answers. And I think one of the things that makes me more comfortable, is I'm okay saying I was wrong. Or I don't know, because this wasn't the best idea. Now we're going to elevate

this idea. Like literally, you know, going back to the last show, like after each show, we sit down, you know, my team have like, literally like one girl over here, one guy over here, we sit down and we're like, let's go through every single, you know, let's run the whole show back and see what we can tie in what we could ditch. Where are we over time? Where was the perfect time? Like, you have to do that stuff. Because you want it you want whatever you create to be better than the last

thing. And so I think and then I asked people who like I had a full session yesterday with this great production company about that, because they came to the show. I was like, tell me top to bottom your experiences audience member? Because I maybe didn't

share this. But I was a yoga teacher. At what point? Yeah, yeah, Dr. Raquel Martin: you would do it digitally to during class weekend, as a student, I'm going to get more acclimated to the black wellness theme here, of course, because I love my yoga, I just been cheating on yoga with the gym. But I just remember like, from when I was a yoga teacher, there was always either students or teachers in your class, like

constantly telling you how to make it better or whatever. And we were always taught as teachers, you will never be able to take your own class. So you have to ask people what their experience was like, even if you recorded your voice and did it back, you already know what's coming next. So it's going to be a different experience. So you have to always ask people who are experiencing you. How was the experience? Now? Do I think the comment section can sometimes be a little too

emboldened to share what their experience was of the art? Sure. But if the general consensus is like, No, this is funny, we loved it. Like, like, then you're on the right track. But I think a lot of people just like to think like, Nope, that my opinion is the opinion. There's no question. I mean, and that's unfortunate. Dr. Raquel Martin: Yeah, I can't wait till when I get to actually catch the show because I'm coming to a live but you your show was the 21st. Right.

It's already what are you? What are you coming here? Dr. Raquel Martin: Next Wednesday? Next Wednesday. Okay, send me those dates, just so I can? Of course I'm leaving town next. Thursday. What Tuesday? Dr. Raquel Martin: Thursday? Yeah, but I'm gonna be there. Yes. Wednesday about the show. Because every time I see like a promo for it, or like when you guys do the recap, I see people

first of all, everyone's laughing. But I see like people holding up signs and it looks like there has been space and one has right face. I saw you step in because you're a member of Apple, Incorporated. I saw Wow, your daughter get on the mic. Like what? What is this show about? Because it just seems like every single episode, I've loved that. It doesn't seem cookie cutter. It seems like every single episode is a vibe. And you guys are like yeah, we're changing stories. Yeah, I'm uh, I'm, I'm

still a big sketch and prop comedy girl at heart. So our live show reads like a variety show. And I want to I want to manifest the show for you later when when you tour this podcast because this podcast should feel like a therapy session like like whatever you are good at. That's what the show experience should be. So like the set design, it looks like our house it's got

throw pillows and plants and toys askew. And it's just kind of like, we, when I was like writing the initial pitch for it, I was like, what would what would a night in my home feel like? There would probably be games, there will probably be drinks, there might be one or one performance or so because Ben plays guitar. Like I love inviting people over there we do

karaoke. So we're like, let's put some singing in there. So we wanted to just feel like, because that because I, I go to a lot of live shows, I go to live stand up shows, cat shows, comedy shows, I've been to a couple of live podcast shows. And I have watched two people on stage with microphones just

talking the whole time, so many times. And I was like, and while it's great to see that, it's like, let's take advantage of the fact that there are people here like Lear, they can no bear witness to the BS, like, they can bear witness to the dynamic. And now they can input who they agree with or who you know, whatever. Dr. Raquel Martin: That's the show who they're with, if they're saying so well, there's a couple of others I

don't want to spoil. But like, a couple of, like, one of the big three lines, especially we're incorporating in future shows is like, if you're agreeing with Amber on this argument, like I need to see them those, those am signs go up for those vinfast or whatever. So it's a nice, you know, it's like, Welcome to our home. And then you would be, you know, a part of like, who whose argument is stronger. Dr. Raquel Martin: I love that because I like that. It's not

the typical show. And you're also playing to your strengths, because you're like, your stuff is hilarious. I there's never a time where I'm not going to either. I'm laughing at like you talking to your dad about like, why do you save? What does he say? What did they call obituaries? Dr. Raquel Martin: Why do you save obituaries? So either we laughing about that, or it'll even be a conversation about Ben and validating you about your underwear. Yeah, and everyone

just being like you Ben is wrong. You are wrong here. Yeah. Even Even while just being upset and still listen and still following an appropriate routine. she overheard a quiet while she got to leave the museum. But she was just like, No, I got it. They asked if she needed help clothes. Clothes in a stroller? Yeah, I got the drama notice. I'll send you the video seeking maybe putting your episode notes. But I want everybody to look very intentionally or their video and and the question of

the day is, did you see a tear off? No, I Dr. Raquel Martin: did not see not once here. And let me say something as a mom, as a mom, when I because I know when my child is crying. And I just know I can be in a different room. And I'm like, There's no tears, like, I can hear the sound. But there's no tears, I was looking at her. And I was like, right. I was like, there's not a tear on your face when I was single. And she even say goodbye. She's like, goodbye.

And, and when I'm talking the minute we hit the parking deck, she was asleep. So but I'm not gonna like I've been learning more from you and a couple of other conscious like parent mental health educators and providers, like, just don't be afraid of a tantrum, like they're up. It's not the big

bad, like, let them get it out there. Because I need to change them every now and then I'll come home and I'm like, I just got to rant about this horrible meeting that I had with her that rejected me, give me two seconds to like, just scream to the gods. And then I will be like, that is how I'm regulating and de escalating myself. And so directly, just like you have to regulate yourself because you're It's so frustrating when people

when you pitch your, um, you know, I'm a bit creative. So I'm constantly pitching ideas for shows, ideas that I have for my brand. And when you hear somebody be like, you're just not ready yet, you're kind of like, yeah, like, I need you to just see this vision, at least tell me you see this vision in your head. And sometimes they don't even give you that you know that because I'll take a you're just not ready yet. But tell me like, tell me you see this, like in your mind die.

Like, like, you know, if I create map, you just inspired me to do a plant singing video tonight. If I got to keep this up, will I one day have a line of indoor plants at Target? Like tell me you see this a little bit? Like that's what I'll try to pitch to people and they're kind of like, I don't know. I'm

like, where's your vision? Well, Dr. Raquel Martin: I gotta tell you because the one thing I love even from like, if you guys are watching the video, your nails for goodness sake, like even just from your like you're a true creative. I struggle with that aspect of just being like, you're not seeing my vision. I typically tell people like when I get told like what do you do when people disagree with you on like something a point you're trying to prove or stuff like

that? Or if they say no to you, as Oh, I typically just provide more information because there's no way there could be a project that I genuinely believe in. The only way you say no is if I'm not explaining it well, because it's amazing. So the only way you're telling me no is because I'm just not an addict. like this Well, my bed or I won't work. Part, because there's no way that all of this won't work.

Dr. Raquel Martin: It's not possible because I've thought about this meticulously, there's no way the answer is no, unless I'm sorry, you need an extra 30 minutes of explanation, I

apologize. Let me let me clarify that you can like, restructure it, which is why I love inviting people to the live shows, especially like some industry people, because they're really good at being like, like, I like a variety show, because I like someone coming to that show and saying, This girl is gonna have a Netflix special one day like, like, I just, I just saw five minutes of what could be

possible. So even like the the conversation I have with people every day, I was like, show me where to tighten and whatever, but they are there. They're like, we're excited to do this, because we've already seen a proof of concept. Like, you're doing it this way. And it's already sailing. So if we just fine tune it, like, let's just think about like the long term or and I used to get a little bit scared about you know, we're going to try to like start planning for baby number two.

And then I'm like, Harry overcrowded pack as well. Haha. And I'm just like, No, there's a world where people would love at home episode or, you know, or there have been times where I've struggled with a podcast studio. I'm like, people would actually love an episode from my literal closet. Like, Yeah, Dr. Raquel Martin: cuz we just love you. And the way you break stuff down. Yeah. And the way that, you know, Ben was messing up a couple of the guitar chord and this

last, so God bless them. We I mean, you know, it was the end of the show. He did very well, but he was missing a couple of guitar chords near the end. And I remember thinking, like, is there a world where when he messes up the next time, I can just be like, to get like, just like the snap out of it and give a full Joe Jackson moment there. Yeah, you know, because

everything. My most viral videos are almost videos where I've made mistakes, where I've left a six toy up in the background, like, I'm like, Oh, this is why this, like, you know, I'm saying, so there's so much beauty in the mistakes. But if I don't start, I can't make the mistakes, man, I'm Dr. Raquel Martin: gonna name this one beauty and the mistakes because I also love the fact that you're not afraid of feedback, and that you actually go out and go to get the

feedback, because you understand the utility in that. And I think that's something that a lot of people, I think fear, but I think that goes hand in hand with like, you gotta be right all the time, or perfection gets in the way of you starting in the first place. I love that you incorporate feedback into everything, because I love I love your stuff I very much want to be how many more live shows do you have left? We have none planned right now. But we do a we're all

done. We're not all done. But I just don't know what the next day is. And not so good to like, my agents still trying to book Chicago because you know, we live in Chicago for years. So they're kind of trying to find a bigger venue for Chicago. But even that, like the tour doesn't have to be like every two weeks, like for my life. Like you know, you got two kids. For my life right now, US touring this show every other month is like, just

what the doctor ordered. So I'm not sure what city we're going to be a neck. But of course, the minute is announced like I will be sharing. But yeah, I love feedback. Let my mama tell it. I don't like feedback. But I have to explain to my mom, the way she pry like feedback from people who have done this before. And they know how to execute the vision. I don't like when people who have never done this before are just given me a

bunch of tasks. And then I have extra tasks to do like I like when somebody's like, you know, I've been working as a production company manager for X amount of years. Let me give you feedback. It's hard for me to take feedback from the woman at the church that came to my show, because the feedback is you made too many sex jokes for me. Like, for me, that's not feedback. I you know, I'm saying like, that's an opinion. That's an opinion, like, Is my personality, the feedback then?

Or maybe the feedback there is like, maybe I need to do a better job of mission messaging that the show is not so family friendly. Like, like, maybe that's the feedback, but Dr. Raquel Martin: you have to dig for the you have to dig for that. Like, you're like Yeah, can I get something from this? That's not the same thing. Yeah, like the feedback can't be like I don't like the whole interracial couple thing. It's like, well, I mean, I really

ain't got it for you. Like that's I literally married like, like he's not a paid actor. Like he's he's an actor but hey, can Dr. Raquel Martin: you please stop discussing you know, your life like I didn't come here for that. Did you not write it? Yeah, yeah, we're or, or even I feel like the improviser can extrapolate. I'm like, okay, so what you're wanting is a few more solo content videos. Got it. Like I can still probably provide Have a little bit of info in that.

But sometimes people think their feedback is it's not constructive. Yeah. So I like constructive feedback. Dr. Raquel Martin: Hey everyone, just a reminder that mind your mental is not just a podcast it is also a amazing community if I do say so myself, it's phenomenal. I mean, you get more access to me what more could you want in this life? So if you want to join the community, if you're not already on the

community, we go to my social media. My social media is the same Raquel Martin, PhD and DM me the word community so you can get details on joining this amazing flipping community. You get more access to me all like I'm a delight. All right. All right. Hope to see you there.