Black Excellence ft Trell Thomas

and neighbors, you know. So I think the the fondest memories that I have are just being surrounded with love and feeling, you know, I mean not just seeing and hearing love, but actually feeling that. And I, you know, I haven't lived in South Carolina in so long, but that feeling never left me. Yeah, Dr. Raquel Martin: I think that definitely gets embedded generation to generation with my husband. I very much know for a fact that if I like craft a big Sunday dinner, I could pretty

much get away with murder for the next week, right? Because, like, it instantly takes him back to he's from Nashville. I live in Nashville now. His mom throws down, like, it like, after church, you already know what you're getting. And I used to, I we had that some Sundays. But to me, it always reminds me of, like, the way we would have big events for dinner, for, like, holidays and stuff like that. A lot of people were

actually blessed to have that every single Sunday. And even when I was little, I felt like, in addition to the house was always warmer because you were cooking and stuff like that, I genuinely felt like the love was palpable, like just being around a bunch of like, family and friends, and everybody was family at that point, and everybody's talking it just reminds me of home. Because to me, home is it's never been like, a physical place, because I move around a lot. It's just

my family, right? So I very much one. I use it as a cheat code if I don't messed up, like, you know what? I apologize, but, you know I'm gonna do. I'm frying. You want some chicken? I'm about to go to the farmer's market. I'm about to get a bag of green like, like, it, like Yo, listen, everyone wants to talk about, listen, I want to tell y'all there are some cheat codes and this, if I give this man cooked food, I'm I can get away with murder. I'm good. I think it's because the food, but also

because a lot of people have that aspect of connection. And I think about it in terms of love, but I also think about it as a form of luxury, because I think it wasn't until I went to college that I didn't realize that everybody didn't come from a home where people cooked like, I would be talking about missing my mom's food, and they'd be like, what? Like, yeah, it's Sunday and I'm over here eating pizza in the cab. This is a travesty. You see what I'm saying?

Like, what is happening? No, that's real. That's real. I mean, it's such a connection point, like so much is shared over a meal, right? You know, some of the biggest deals I've done have been over meals, not like in a corporate

boardroom, right? Like, some of the best friends that I've ever made have been like through food, you know, and through like, there's something that like allows you to really let down your guard and show up authentically and and just, you know, be Yeah, which I think really leads us to the best of everything for ourselves when we show up authentically. And I feel like there's something about having a meal and breaking

bread with people that allows you to do that. Yeah, Dr. Raquel Martin: and I think that you've done an amazing job with that, because you very much created just luxurious space. Every time I see the tablescapes, I'm like, like, it is a luxurious space for black people to be celebrated, discussed and pampered. Why is it so important for you to provide this experience, and how do you make sure it remains

inclusive and welcoming? Because it always, you know, from where it came from, just looking from outside, looking in, it looks like it's just a family event, but it's more luxurious, like it's like, oh, it's a family affair. But we also had a cater, you know I'm saying, and you can take pictures. Yeah, I love that you're able to feel that like digitally and like the things that you read and see, because you haven't

been to one yet, which we got to fix that. I think, Hey, Dr. Raquel Martin: everyone, just a reminder that mind, your mental is not just a podcast. It is also a amazing community. If I do say so myself, it's phenomenal. I mean, you get more access to me. What more could you want in this life? So if you want to join the community, if you're not already on the community, go to my social media. My social media is the same Raquel Martin, PhD and DM me the word community, so you

can get details on joining this amazing, flipping community. You get more access to me. Y'all like, I'm a delight. All right, all right. Hope to see you there. You know, for me, it was always, I always lead with

love. Like everything that I do, right? Like, from the brands that I partner with to the people that I invite the guest list to, like, even the way I think about, like, okay, you know, I get with my event planner, and I'll be like, You know what I want, you know, a moment where people have this or where they have this experience, or when, you know, I'm always thinking through every single portion of it, from the time you pull up in your car, you know. And I think that really, you

know, it's felt. You know you can feel that. You can feel the intention. So I'm big on intentionality, and I always, you know, I was doing these in my home before I started doing them in at venues and at SoFi stadium and in museums. You know, I was doing it in my apartment, and I never wanted to lose, like the the feeling that people have, like coming around

your table. So I build in all of these components into the black excellence brunch that make it feel like home, right from sometimes, I'll bring the food to people, you know, we have a caterer, but I'll be the one bringing it to people's table. I'll stop by every single table and talk to people and love on them. You know, I'll I build in moments at the brunch where, you know, there can be like that familial like cousin to cousin kind of like conversation or like things that you had at

family dinner. So I'm very intentional about building the program so that people feel that kind of love and family bond and that tradition, yeah, all the way through. But like for me, it was to your point about luxury. It was also really important for when people for to give people the feeling when they walked in,

of being celebrated, of being loved on, of being pampered. So I also just build that in at every step, whether it be like having ballet for people, or having, you know, taking people's coats, etc, when they come in the door to, like, you know, having like these luxurious florals and pamper moments, right? Like, we'll have like massages, or like different

things where you feel like, Oh, wow. Like, this is for me. Yeah, specifically, you know, I love that, because Dr. Raquel Martin: I focus on black mental health, and my expertise is in black mental health and black identity development. And there's so many times where we as a culture, don't feel as though we're deserving of any aspect of

luxury. We feel as though everything has to be working 24/7 and we feel like anything other than the bare minimum at that time could be extra, and I just always feel like, you know what's wrong with what's wrong with having moments of extra? Like, you know what's wrong with having moments of indulgence and being pampered? Like, we're a population that has, literally, we're brought here against our will, and have consistently worked and worked, we have to try every single day to be

humanized. What's wrong with getting your flowers and literally just being like, Oh, I got the flowers because I wanted them, not because they have a utility. I got the outfit for any occasion. A special occasion is me. It's not a special event. I just wanted to be celebrated. And I think that's something that us as a culture and a community, we're talking about building your mental well being. That's something that we need to understand, that you can celebrate yourself. There

doesn't have to be a special occasion. It's okay. Occasion. It's okay to indulge like everything doesn't have to be, you know, just the what's the purpose? The purpose is you enjoy it and you deserve it. And black people don't get it, you know, like we deserve that. We we're allowed to state, I don't know where I'm aware it is to, well, we're to the grocery store. You look amazing, you know, like it doesn't have to

always be a thing. And I think that's something that, you know, it was very much a utility of making us feel as though we deserve less means that we don't ask for more. But I think it's something that we're we're climbing out of, right? And I really liked your events, because it's just like, it's obvious that's something that you center right? Like, oh well, you know, we don't have to have valet. We don't have to have anything. We could literally eat peanut butter and jelly every

single day. But why? But why? Like, why have that? But I will say so. Like looking at your entire career like you've done a bunch of stuff, like when it comes to broadcast journalism, the Obama campaign, the the the black excellence, the. Boxes where you center, like black businesses and stuff like that.

And now the black excellence brunch, you're also, you're you're doing executive producing on Discovery plus as well, correct like you're doing a bunch I created, and I created an executive produced series, a five part Docu series about black men. Yes. Profile the black man, yeah, but go on like I want you to finish your

Dr. Raquel Martin: question. I was gonna say dealing with that, with your aspect of your career, and not only centering, you know, this experience with other people when it comes to compassion, but also in yourself. You I read an interview. I read a bunch of them, but I read an interview where you stated that you advised your younger self not to

let perfect be the enemy of good, right? How would you advise someone who's just starting their career, who's interested and, you know, doing as much stuff as if you as you've done? I mean, sometimes that's like a lifetime goal. You're actually pretty young. But how do you advise someone who is starting their career to balance that aspect of ambition?

Because you do have to have ambition and goals in order to achieve that with self compassion, because it does have to be a balance of okay, like, maybe I didn't make it this way, but maybe I need to try a different way. Maybe it's not perfect, but is it still good enough so that people would get something for what I'm trying to put

out? Yeah, I think my advice is to give yourself so much grace, yeah, and then on top of that grace, give yourself more grace than that, you know, in addition to having to work so hard, you know, or feel like you have to work so hard as a black person, and also feeling like not good enough, a lot of times, I think that we don't give ourselves enough grace and and I speak from personal experience, right? Like, I wouldn't stop and

say, You know what trail you did a good job on that thing. You know, it was like, all this, and especially, like, even we're talking about black excellence brunch a lot, in the beginning of black excellence brunch, when I would be done and it would be time to go home, I'd be like, Oh, I didn't do that, right? I didn't do this, right? I wish I had done this and be you know, mentors, loved ones, would come to me and they would say, troll,

like, that's people's first experience with it. Like you might be have all these things in your head, but you gotta watch how people are experiencing this thing and like what you're doing for people and what this space provides and give yourself grace. And it took me a while to get to a point where I be like, You know what? That was good. Yeah, that was good, or that was good enough. You know what I mean. Instead of being like, oh, that could have been better. Oh, I wish I had

done that. So I just entered the season of giving myself grace, and it did wonders for my anxiety that I was having for my, you know, mental health or my physical health, you know. So that would be the advice that I would give. You know, it's we also deserve grace. Yeah, we deserve that. And we don't have to like, fight to get it. We don't have to like struggle to

get it, like we can have it inherently. Um, so I would, that would be the advice that I would give, because I didn't give myself a lot of grace for a long time, like, throughout, like, a lot of those things that you mentioned, I was like, you know, beating myself up along the way, and which is why I'm so grateful I think about, you know, I mentioned mentors, but I'm so grateful for, you know, wisdom and mentorship and the love that surrounded me because it sustained me so, like, give

yourself grace. Also, you know, surround yourself with great people that love you, people that you feel good around, people that you feel good when you have a meeting with them and you leave, like, surround yourself with those types of people, because they are going to be a constant reminder and a constant Edifier of you, and a constant like, source of that

grace. You know, I love that, because Dr. Raquel Martin: one of the things I sometimes I'll get asked like, Well, how do you figure out what you're going to do next? Or how do you feel like confident what you're doing? Or how do you not get like bogged down by all the stuff you do? And I always state that like I am surrounded by people who believe in me more than me, which is saying a lot, because I

very much believe in myself a lot. I very I feel as though centering black mental like wealth and healthy and well being and building generational bonds, this is literally what I was put on this earth to do. But even with that, sometimes it's just like, Man, my submission didn't get approved, that grant didn't get approved. And I'll talk to my friends, and I'll be like, and they're lost. Listen. So like, let's take a minute. I don't want to deny how you're feeling, but like, this is what

you do. So I think that's helpful in the first place, because I'm surrounded by people who believe in me more than me, and I believe in myself a lot, you know. And even the power of mentorship, I think that more individuals should, you know, delve into the aspect of mentorship, because there are so many different realms that I don't really know certain levels of expertise. And one thing I will always do is I will just

ask. And I think so many people are uncomfortable asking, and I've never really gotten that, because I. Grew up in a house with my mom that we had to, like, if we wanted to go somewhere. We had to have the parents name and number we I made me Darner. Had to have their Social Security, mom. We had to have, like, who, pick you up, who, drop you off. I'm not doing both. I will either pick you up or drop you off. I'm not doing both. Where do they parents work? So we had to,

like, ask a bunch of questions to be able to go somewhere. So I got very comfortable being like so I do need your mom's and your dad's cell phone. If I could get a blood test, that would also be helpful. There's definitely not going to be a sleepover, because we don't do those, but I will be able to, you know, like, come to this event. And my mom always told me that if you there's no issue with asking, because you're already at no and if you

don't ask, you're gonna stay there, you know. So I always feel like I've been trying to tell people, like, listen, ask, because what are they going to say? Most people are not malicious. Most people are not malicious, like some people are. Maybe they're too busy, or maybe they didn't get the email. But I have never asked someone something and then they just, like, verbally, like, slap me in the face. A lot of times it's like, oh, well, I can or oh, well, let's think about later,

or Oh, I'd love to. It might, but it might be later down the line. Even the no's are typically full of grace, right? But if you don't ask, you're just gonna stand no. I don't feel like there's any you know issue. And also, just being like a note isn't the end of the world. So I think more people need to ask yourself stuff about mentors, even with even audience, even with troll coming on the pockets, I was like, I just love your stuff. Can you come on my podcast? You just

say, yeah. Just like, Y'all just ask, what's the big deal? Such good advice for your mom, too. You that was your mom that gave you already at no like it's only up. That's really great advice. I Dr. Raquel Martin: love it. Yeah, it helps with the confidence in the first place. So it sounds like you're you said, give yourself grace. I think Grace can look different

for a lot of people. Your Grace, it sounds like is slowing down and appreciating all that you're doing, and then also gratitude in the first place. Yeah, yeah. Gratitude has played such a substantial part in my journey. You know, I even get it's at the point now where I search for things to be grateful for. Like, I'm constantly searching for even the smallest things to be grateful for, because if once you really can, like, set your mind, they're like, Wow, I like, I woke up. I'm able to do this

for myself. I, you know, have a phone to make a phone call. I have a computer and Wi Fi that, like, you know, makes the things work. Once you really can sense yourself and like I have, there's so much around me to be grateful for. Like you realize just how abundant blessings are. You realize how abundant you

are. You realize, like so many things, and you get into this space of expectation of more great things, you know, and being in a place of gratitude and expectation of the great game changer, because it's like, oh, like, what's gonna happen today? Yeah, and that's how I get up every single day, like, oh, what's gonna happen today? Who am I gonna meet today? What cool thing am I gonna be involved in today? And I'm telling you, like, it just brings me, like, more and more

things. You know, sometimes I'm, like, overwhelmed by them, to be completely honest with you, that's Dr. Raquel Martin: amazing. That's a blessing. I feel like when it comes to breaking it down, I think that's helpful in so many different realms. I remember working with a patient who felt like they had no choices. They felt like they were hopeless, and they're like, I have no choice in anything. And I'm like, Okay, so let's break it down like, one, you

came into session today. What made you come into session? Like you came on your own? It's like, oh, well, I decided to do that. Okay? Two, I broke down everything from like, I mean, did you eat today? What did you eat? Did you how did you decide to come here? You they were wearing shorts. I was like, you

could have came here just in your drawers. I'm not saying I agree with it, but like, you know, like, sometimes we I'm not saying that you don't have I'm not saying that there aren't opportunities or and options in your life where you feel as though the choice was made for you. But I also want you to break things down and slow it down, to think about the choices

that led to you even being here in session. And while there may be one realm where choices are being taken away from you, or you don't feel as it's like the some choices, you know, sometimes I think people think a choice is going to be like a Oh, it's going to be like a clear as day, win lose situation or a win win situation. Sometimes the choice is like, okay, so I could either chop off your big toe or your pinky toe. Some getting chopped off, though, you know, and either way, it's like, I

mean, can there be a I don't want anything chopped off? Nah, some it's gonna suck. I just which one. And those are the decisions that I think are harder for people. And I'm just like, let's just break it down. Let's talk about the choices you

do have. Let's have. Let's slow down. And it's one of the reasons why therapy, or outside of therapy, or journaling or gratitude and taking moments can be so helpful, because the world doesn't really provide you the opportunity to slow down most of the time, and because of that, you miss out on those little things, like when you wake up. You know, even some people just.

Wake up, jump up. Look on their phone. The way you can change your life by waking up, just breathing for a second and before you even move, just have a thought of like, All right, so I'm up. Look at that. I wonder what today's gonna be like. But some people just All right, well, I got these emails. I even tell people not to actually plug their phone up by their bed. I plug my phone up downstairs. So it's not the first thing I reach for, because it's actually not, it's not the best thing for you.

And knowing me, I'm not about to get out this bed to get my phone. So some stuff you have to prep, because y'all shouldn't be looking at screens as soon as you go to bed, and then as soon as you wake up. Do you do that? True is your phone plugged up on your bed. It's close, it's close. Yes, it is close. It is it is definitely within arms or a little stretch, a Dr. Raquel Martin: little stretch, yeah, okay, I wouldn't hate if you move that black,

as you were talking. I'm like, Where can I Where else can I put it like so you did is that you're definitely having an if, no, I think it makes perfect sense. I usually start, like, though, with, like, some sort of journaling, or like writing, like I have very close, like, definitely within arm's reach, a dream journal. And, like, I love that, a notebook. And I definitely start off with that, yeah, I

Dr. Raquel Martin: love that. Have you actually, have you read the book by Alexandra L, how we heal? No, I haven't read I've read some of her work. Definitely follow her on socials and stuff, but I haven't read that one. No, Dr. Raquel Martin: it has a bunch of she does healing through writing. So it has a bunch of prompts and stuff like that that have helped her. So I always think like, I always appreciate when there's more tangible stuff. Just in case you

since you are a journaler as well. But I will also state that one of the amazing things that you do is you give people their

flowers, figuratively and literally. And in one of it, Taraji P Henson toasted you as the man who came to Hollywood to give in that realm, how do you define like success, and how was this definition evolved over your career, because you have someone who's, you know, people could be like, and that was the pinnacle, and I was good like, when it came to my success, I feel as though I was able to, I think the aspect of what you're doing is to give like You're trying to provide this

experience, and you're trying to center luxury and even just the diversity of black experience. Like, to me, that is a very successful thing, and it seems like it's also being seen. And I feel like so many times success is like, I want my message to be seen. I want it to be understood. I want it to be felt. I want it to be embodied. And it seems like, if you think of success that way, you're already pretty successful. So

how do you define because I see it, everybody else see it. How do you define success with all of your ventures, and how has that possibly evolved over your career? You know, I think it's, yeah, it's definitely changed

over time. Like I used to feel like success was, it was more outwardly for me, like it was, you know, how many people are talking about it, or how many awards or accolades like come with it right and now, and I think those are some measures of success, but now, like my measure of success is more like, how does this make me feel, And how is it making other people

feel? Yeah, like, so for that measure, like I and that helped me change, like what I was doing, and like how I was showing up, and like how I was arranging or organizing the things that I was going, oh, what I was saying yes to and what I was saying no to, right? So for me, it's how do I feel, you know? And that measure of success is both, like, professionally and personally. Like, how do I feel with this person? How do I feel in this room? How do I feel at this

party? How do I feel, you know what I mean. And that determines, like, how long I stay and be a part of it. How long you know that person might be a part of my life in that capacity, all of those things. So I, for me, it's more so how

it makes you feel. And like the Taraji is so interesting that you brought up the Taraji comment because, like, I've been getting a lot more of those types of reactions to the things that I'm doing, like Kelly Rowland says something really beautiful, and Danielle Brooks says something really beautiful at that same brunch, and Shirley Ralph and so what I had learned through that, why I feel like that, has become a measure of, like, the success of black excellence, but because I've

been in a lot of celebrity spaces, right? Like from the Obama campaign to all of the incredible work I've done and get to do with Miss Tina knows Lawson with her ventures and the wearable art Gala, which is just a star studded like moments and events, and it has been like all of my career, where I've ended

up in those. Spaces in some sort of way. So I've seen like celebrities move and through those spaces, and I recognize the difference of how they show up at like a black excellence brunch, or at like a wearable art Gala, or like in these spaces with where people feel safe, to be authentic, to stick around for a while, to let their guard down, to share, you know, to cry, to laugh like and to me, that is a measure of success of

the black excellence brush. And it's not just you know, people that are recognizable, quote, unquote, like people, right? It's also like just guests that come and say, like, trail, like, I've never experienced anything like this before, or like they like, tell me, like, how they feel in the space. And it's like me having to literally extend the time that we have in the venue because people want to stay. They want to stay longer.

You know, those have become measures of of success. And like, I think another big measure of success for me is like, the freedom. Like, I don't know how many people, like, are working a job or at a place where they don't feel free. You know, for me, I feel so free in the things that I'm doing now, like, in the conversations that I have, in the meetings that I take, in the interviews that I do, like, there is an amount of

freedom to show up like as me, and that's it, you know what? I mean, I don't have to, like, code switch or pretend to be this, or, like, wear a three piece suit, or, you know, or talk a certain way, like I am free to be myself, and I like to, like, extend that freedom to other people. So that is also a big measure of success. Yeah, Dr. Raquel Martin: you provide an opportunity, a space that

allows individuals to take the mask off, right? Because a lot of times people mention code switching, and code switching just refers to language, but masking is what I find most of my patients and most of my clients doing, because they're creating whole avatars. They're sublimating whole aspects of themselves. I always tell the story of, there was a I had a black man who was a patient, and he was kind of tall, he would

physically shrink himself down. Either he would always be sitting because he was a tall black a tall dark skinned dude, he would either always be sitting during things, or he would kind of just be, like, I understand, like, how some people may find like a black man threatening, let alone a tall black man. And he would physical. Like, can you imagine, like, not even being able to sit up straight and like events

because it what he didn't pull it out of somewhere. Like it was always be, it was always be, it would always be something people commented on, oh, you're a big one. Like, what is, first of all, Hello, I'm the CEO of this, you know, like, it's just, it would just be a lot if you provide a space for people to unmask, which is so important, because that code switching and that creating a whole different avatar, that putting that mask on, it's like the movie, the movie the mask, the longer he

kept it on, the harder it was for him to take it off. Right. Your weekends become less rejuvenative, like you, most people are at work or at school longer than they're at home. They you have loss of identity. You're more likely to be burnt out. You're already dealing with stuff in the world, and then you have to do that while not being able to wear your hair the way you want say things you want to say, always having to check and double check yourself. Like, providing a space where people

are able to take the mask, like, that's take the mask off. That's very powerful, right? Like, not only in the aspect of like, the brunch and sharing that, but just as someone in mental health, people wearing the mask, it contributes to the detriment of their mental health. They're exhausted. They don't know who they are outside of these realms. And also, I want to also mention, to acknowledge that, like the brunch doesn't only honor black celebrities, but it's also the community at

large, overall, correct? How do you when you're coming up with this event, how do you balance celebrating high profile achievements, well, also highlighting everyday black excellence within the community? Because you do both, yeah, like, one of the ways, like the, I guess the most like, visible way, is like, I, I create, like, this luxurious, like environment, right? And that everybody gets access to that luxury. You know what? I mean? It's not like, oh, this

person is is separate. Or, like, there's this velvet rope that separates people, like people, everyone is in the same space. Everybody is a VIP. There's not a separate band that this person gets, and this person gets that. And I work with, like, event companies or brands, they're like, Okay, so for our VIPs, we're gonna do this. And I'm just like, everybody is a VIP. There's no that's not a difference, you know? So for me, that's one way, because people walk into the space, they're

like, wait a minute, I'm sitting right next to Kelly Rowland. How many times does that happen for people? And I think that, you know, it's beautiful for both ends of it, right? Like you have to sell a celebrity that gets. To feel like, for lack of a better word, normal, you know what I mean? And more people desire that than you know. I think that's one way. And for me, like, in addition to like our honoree or our celebrant celebrate our celebratory guests, I also carve out a

moment to just shine a light on people in the room. So I like, I'll call it like, spotlighting black excellence. So I always do at a bunch of like, I just want to spotlight some of the black excellence in the room, and I'll randomly pick people that are at different tables in different parts of the room, and just acknowledge them because and what, and tell why I believe that they're incredible and why they are adding to the beautiful

excellence in this in the room. And that's a part that I make sure to do, or I'll do a toast to black excellence, and then

I'll highlight those people. But I do it every single event, and it's become like a it is a very important part of the event, and I feel like the last way, or like one of the the other ways is I literally hand select every single person that comes into the event that is like something that is a non negotiable for me, because I want to make sure that I'm spreading the love that I've got like different types of People. I you know, I'm connecting people that may have never got the chance to sit at

the same table or to connect before. So I do that as well. I'm really intentional about that. I Dr. Raquel Martin: love that. And I mean, one thing that's obvious to me is that, just like the tradition of Sunday dinners, serves as a healing space for many, I think the black excellence brunch also serves as a healing place for many too. How do you view the black brunches? Yeah, how do you black excellence? How you view the bibs role? I have to shorten everything. It's being around students.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I Dr. Raquel Martin: actually being around students. I list. I will actually shorten things in my head. And I'm just like, Why did I do that? Like, it's just my the youth, have they? But how do you view the brunch's role in supporting the mental health of the black community? Yeah, I feel like it is affirming space, like I more than anything, like and for me, it's, you know, it's a healing space for me, like I just for me. I needed to be affirmed. I

needed to know that it was okay to be myself. You know, I went through a very tough time before I I moved to LA and went on this full time entrepreneurial journey, right? And at that time, what I needed most was the affirmation that I was enough like as and a lot of that leaked over into the building of and the pieces and the elements of black excellence brunch like at every point, I wanted to affirm and love on people where they

were, as they were. You know what I mean, even though all white is not just because, like, oh, like, I'm trying to, like, make people wear different, but I wanted people to love this. I wanted to see the skin right? I wanted to see all these shades of, like, black and brown, so the contrast of the skin tones against the white, like I wanted people to be able to look and, wow, you know what I mean? Like, that skin that I'm in is

beautiful, the skin that person's in is beautiful. So there was intentionality between every piece, because it was it also came at a time where I didn't feel like because of my blackness, I felt like underappreciated, undervalued. I felt like set aside in a lot of places that I was in, and I'm just it was a reminder to myself, like, no true, like, your skin is actually one of the most beautiful attributes about

you. You know what I mean. So, you know, for me, I feel like the way that black excellence branch aids to the mental aids in like being a affirmer or an as far as like mental health is concerned, is is providing a space that just loves on people and meets them where they are. And I think that's so overlooked when it comes to a lot of communities, right? But specifically we talk about like, the black community is so overlooked that it's just it's important, and sometimes it

doesn't have to be so mathematical. All of these like, it can be very simple. It can be as simple as, like, creating a space, not charging people to attend. I don't charge people, don't buy a ticket, or anything that like, because a lot of times people show up, or they'll message you and be like, how much? Or how do I get it's just like, No, you just, you're just inviting you. They Dr. Raquel Martin: can't believe it, because. You're not used to, you know, a space, yeah, I

can't believe it. People and discipline. I'm like, No, I want you to bring yourself. Oh, well, how can I get no, just, you know. And I even tell people like, you know, even with social media, which is how the brunch has grown so much, it's like people share it and they tell somebody else, and they tell somebody else, and they share the video. Like, even with that, I tell people jokingly, at the bunch, I'll be like, if you enjoyed yourself, share it if you didn't, don't

say nothing, you know. I just want you to. I just want to, like, affirm you and the love on you, that's it. And it's because I needed that too. Yeah, you know, I needed that love, and I didn't even realize that, you know, a part of like, when I was building this, it was building a place where I felt like I could leave and feel better.

Dr. Raquel Martin: So yeah, I love that. One of the exercises I tell my patients is like when they identify, like when we hit a wall, that they feel like they're not being affirmed, or they realize the theme keeps coming up, like a negative thoughts spiral. I asked them to think about, like, when's the first time you remember these negative thoughts about yourself coming up and, like, say, it's like, oh, you know, I was in my room and I was like, 15, and something happened and all that.

And I'm like, Okay, so right now I want you to speak to yourself. I want you to give that 15 year old you. I want you to say what they needed to hear at that moment, right? Like, the reason why this is still prevalent in you is because, you know, there's the way difficulties happen is I ask, tell patients, like, you need to ask, like, what did you get versus what did you need? When those things match, when you got what you wanted to get if you got what you needed most of the time we

could it's smooth sailing, right? But where conflict comes in and rumination comes in and either like, even like guilt or shame is like, the aspect of what you got versus what you needed was not the same, right? So when you experience that first negative thought that you can clearly remember you say those words to yourself the same way that you did when you were 15. I'm like, Okay, what did you get? I got silence. Nobody knew how to deal with me. I got told people had it worse than me. I

got told I'm a teenager. What's the big deal? I don't have no job. I live here, right? Free, you know, right? And I'm like, What did you need? I needed somebody to tell me that it was okay for me to feel that way. I needed somebody to tell me, just because I have a roof over my head doesn't mean that my problems aren't valid. I needed someone to honestly just, you know, sit with me even if they weren't saying anything. I'm like, okay, so say all those things to yourself, and if you

have a support system, that's what you need. Like, a lot of the stuff that people are needing now is what they need when they were younger, too, they just didn't get it right. So I love how you provide that space, because it's a space where everyone gets the benefit, and that's amazing, but it was also what you needed. I honestly feel the same way about the podcast. Before I knew I was bringing season three, I'm like,

these are all these people I want to talk to. Why don't y'all, you know, let's advertise so people can listen to but these are people I want to talk to. I'm excited to talk to them. So, like, so it's just like, I mean, I'm recording, y'all get to be here too. But like, I mean, I'm geeks. I want to talk to these people. I would talk if it was recorded or not, you

know. So it's just like, sometimes you just gotta you do something for you, and then if something benefits you, just because I feel like there's a collective consciousness and collective identity with the black community overall, very rarely is something like, very rarely are we isolated in terms of, like, the pain or the joy. I find that things that, like, pipe us up individually, you will be able to find someone else that will benefit. And I really try to focus on that

like, Okay, this is something that you need. This is something that benefited you. This is something that made you smile? I guarantee you. Was something that made somebody else smile, right? Like sharing the black excellence brunch. I bet you. There's so many people who are just like that. Looks so much fun. Looks like so much fun. When's the last time we had a Sunday dinner? Oh, that looks amazing. What's the last time I

saw so and so? Oh, that looks great. You know what? I'm gonna do it up a little bit this week on a Wednesday, like, I have a little bit extra time. Why don't I send the table like I, you know, it benefits. That's why I feel like social media, social media gets a bad rap. But when social media is done, well, seeing stuff that like, brings a smile to your face, and then people share it. There's this one page I follow, and all they do is, it's like they always share, like, black kids smiling.

I love it. Like, literally, I just get to look at, I don't even know, these kids, and I'm like, This is amazing, like, just having black joy. So I love that. I also wanted to, so I feel like we've covered a lot, but I wanted to talk about, like, the giving the flowers aspect. Because you do it, you're giving people their flowers, but you also give them flowers, which I love, to the people who brought you joy

through their work. Unless this is a significant aspect of your brunches, how do you see this practice of acknowledgement, this practice of celebration, as a contributor to the overall mental well being? Of the honorees, as well as the attendees, because just like you mentioned, it's like everybody's VIP and everybody's VIP, you all get to see this practice of acknowledgement and celebration as well. Yeah, I think people want to be seen like they want

to be seen like really seen. And for me, I'll even, you know, go to the length of what's their favorite color. Like, what is their favorite this? Or, what is it? What are they like, what? And I'll make sure to incorporate like, I'll get, if your favorite color is green, I'll get you some green flowers and like, make sure that the dorm, like, I'm very intentional about that, because I want the person to know that I see them,

yeah, I really see them, you know. And it's different, and it's different, it's different from like, getting a Grammy, if you're Kelly Rowland, or getting, you know, a Ad Week acknowledgement if you are Bozeman Saint John, right? It's different to be acknowledged and seen by your people, yes, and to be loved on in a very intentional way. And so for me, I always try to personalize everything that I do, even you know, down to like, you know, the the past black acting as

much we did in partnership with Hulu. For me, it was just like, I wanted to bring that 90s nostalgia to it, and I made sure that I invited people who were very connected to the 90s, right? And guesses. And then I like, was like, Okay, how can I make all these touch points and make them remember, from the things that we ate to, like, you know, the tablescapes and the photo moments? But then I was, like, out of budget, right, completely out of one of those airbrush teas that everybody

really loved. And I know for myself in the night, I had, like an airbrush. I had everything, all these exactly, and I was like, I'm gonna get someone to airbrush like, T shirts that say black excellence on, and I wanted everybody to go home with them. And so for me, it's, I'm just thinking about all those things. I'm like, You know what? I would really love that if

somebody did that for me. And so at the end, like, people were so full from the food they had, like they watched the film I had given them, like, you know, snacks and all these things, and then as a surprise and delight moment, as they're walking out, they get this like airbrush personalized, like T shirt. So I think, to answer your question, just giving people their flowers and really allowing them to be seen, it makes so much of a

difference. I can't tell you how many people have come up to me afterward, like some of your favorite names that have been a part of it, like trail, I have to tell you that I've never experienced anything like this before, like I've never felt so much love. I've never, you know what I mean, like in a space at an event, and that I feel like that's the difference, and that's the extra mile that we take with black excellence brunch to make sure that, and that's how I also show up in my

life, right? Like I am one of those people during the holidays. I will study you the whole year. What did you say you What did you say you did? What's that one time we were in the car and you couldn't do this because you didn't have this or like you, you know, like any anything, I'm paying attention. And then I make sure that I incorporate all the knowledge that I gain into like the gift that I give, or the thing that I say, or, you know, and it allows you to be seen. It allows you to

feel heard. And again, it's to your point, which I love, that I'm talking to somebody who, like, really does this like it is what I find it more often that it is all the things that I needed, yeah, or I felt like I needed at some point in my life, you know. And I'm able to, like, give those things to myself and to give them to other people. So I really,

Dr. Raquel Martin: I love that. I will say I have a Notes app of everybody in my life, and when they say something similar, like that, like, yeah, man, I was trying to get, I was trying to get this perfume, but, you know, I was a little too indulgent, or something like that. And my friends and family, they don't like random gifts. They got to be a holiday. So it really, it's just an excuse for me to be like, Girl, I was going to get

this to I didn't have this for a month. I was going to give this to you in a month. But if I gave it to you a month ago, you would have been like, what's the occasion? Or whatever. So I just saved it for your birthday and for Christmas. You know, like, I just because that's me, the aspect of you celebrating. I like the fact that you practice that and make you practice that, and you make it a point to do that, simply because so many people feel like it's inappropriate to celebrate

themselves. Oh, I'm not trying to be egotistical. You know, like, well, you know, you can't say too much about yourself because they don't be seen bragging. Some people even feel uncomfortable doing it because they think someone. Going to take it away from them, right? So I love the fact that you normalize. I'm luxury and family in a place of love, allowing

people to take the mask off. Because as a as someone who does this, one of the biggest things, in addition to like, what you got versus what you needed, wasn't, they weren't the same thing. People not feeling seen, feeling like, like, even if it's in a room full of people, even it's during, if it's during a time where it should have been like a happy event, and just feeling like there's still like a gap there, they're still not fully understood and embraced. That disparity is just

stressful. People question themselves, and it leads to your mental health difficulties. Because you know, when you mentioned the aspect of celebrities and them stating they've never felt more seen. Yes, they have, you know, celebrities are people, yeah. Like, they have a they, some of them have much cooler jobs, yes. But like, think about how often, like, it's also your job to be in the public eye, you know, like, it's also, how often do you get to take the mask off?

You're consistently, you know, the black excellence brunch. One of the things is it's like a family affair, meaning, like black people, it's a family affair because we're a collective identity. But think about how many spaces they're in where there's not that many black people that you know there, or they're still being expected to, you know, be grateful when it's just like, be grateful. I wanted the best to ever do it. The pleasure was all yours, honey. You know what I'm

saying? Like, you know, like, just, so I just, I love that you provide that space of normalizing that. And I really want all the listeners to understand that, like, this is

something that contributes to healing. Taking the mask off first, you gotta acknowledge that it's on, but like taking the mask off and realizing that the special occasion is you, and that you are allowed to celebrate yourself, and you can have flowers just to have them, and maybe, just maybe, all this hustle and bustle in life is taking you away from your community, and you haven't been to a family dinner or created one in a minute, and community is healing, because y'all will

hear me say this a million times, you don't need therapy to heal, but you can't heal in isolation. You do need community, right? Therapy is a tool, but community is necessary, right? Like, I've seen many people, they do amazing stuff with them, with their well being and their evolution of thought. And they didn't go to therapy. They had a support system. They took the time to slow down as black people like our community is everything. That's why your

space is where people are. Like, I've never been to anything like that. Yeah, it's probably the most black. When last time you got to be around all these black people with good food, you got all this stuff, and we get to just change it, you know, like, I bet you people probably got these shoes off at your event. Like,

definitely a family affair, for sure. And I think that, you know, to your point, like in place, especially in places like I do, a lot of them in LA, but also just all over the country and all the world, like we've done South Africa and Ghana, but like so many places where people don't have their family, yeah, right, they don't have, like, those you know, familiar faces, or they don't get to feel that love as often.

And so this, in addition to, like, all the things that we mentioned it, it provides, like, a sense of extended family, right? And I think that really makes a difference. It makes a difference for me, yeah, like, I'm such a family, like, my family is huge, and my grandmother had 12 kids, so it's like, when I when we would do those, my mother would do those dinners, and so it was everybody. I mean, our house

wasn't huge, but, like, it was filled to the brim. And like, like rotating, you know, there would be like, like sections of people. There would be like, the people that came to the three and then the people that came from four, you know, it was like, well into the night. And I feel like I get to experience that every single time over again when we do these black excess brushes. And somebody asked me the other day, like, try, do you get tired? Try, do you get tired? And honestly, I

don't, it is such a re energized. There are moments right, where you're like, Oh man, this, I gotta do this. Or, oh man. Like, I wonder if this is gonna come together, or please, like, let this space be available, whatever the thing is. But I'm telling you, I feel such re energizing, like, when I'm there and I feel better. I tell people after it happens, I

it takes me the longest time to go to sleep that night. Yeah, because I'm so excited and I'm so pumped up and I'm so energized, and, yeah, I'm really it just brings me back to like, gratitude. Like, brings me back to like, where we started the conversation, right on this place of, like, just being super, super grateful, yeah? Dr. Raquel Martin: Like, I get to do this. Like, yes, I want to make sure things happen on time, and the food is hot and stuff

like that. But I think it's the exact, it's the difference between I have to do this and I get to do this right? Like, yeah, there's going to be a bunch of points where you're just like, Oh man, I gotta reserve this and, like, there's stress, but you wouldn't That's motivation. It's not like, the kind of stress that takes you out. It's just like, stress get stuff done. If people weren't stressed out enough to, like,

complete tasks, nothing would get done. It's like, yes, i These are tasks that are all built into this amazing thing that I get to do. Like, I get to y'all just my job. Like, I do this. Like, this is. Yes, I get to create these spaces, and you

guys feel seen in that. So I love that, because everything in it, everything that you've shared, is very much what I feel as though, is missing in the day to day lives of black people feeling seen, being able to celebrate themselves, and providing a space where they get to be around community and family. Because, you know, when it comes to mental health, and I work with a lot of people, and a lot of people weren't provided the family that they deserve, like the family that respects

them and honors them and are concerned about them. And because of that, I state that family of origin and family of choice are the same right, like my the people that I went to college with, I've been talking to forever, the, you know, license, all that we this my family, right? Like, I'm okay for them. It could be somebody I knew since the womb, or it'll be somebody I used to hang out on the yard with, but, like, that's

my family. You see, I'm saying, like, being able to craft that space black people, it's just like, it's about community, like, it's very much like we, you know, we've been having aunties and uncles, like I, I don't even know which ones are actual cousins, but, you know, I've known them for over 10 years. That's my cousin. Like that. Like, that's the rule, you know. Like, man, you know, like, we did sleepovers. That's my cousin. I didn't know them for over six years. That's literally

the rule. I don't, I don't make the rules. I just follow them, you know. And I feel like that's a very good that's a very important point within the black community, because especially during a time where, you know, a lot of times, if you think all the way back to enslavement, we didn't know you know you weren't around your blood family, and so many aspects of like family

being taken away and stuff like that. And still being able to build that community, and understanding that even though it was intentional to try to sever our ties with each other, we built that like we understood that, like, Okay, this is my family. These are the people who I get up with. These are the people who I talk to. These are the people who I work with, laugh with, cry with. This is my family. So I love that. Well, I want to end on discussing like, Do you have any Well, I'm sure

you do, but I don't know. You know, some people can't share everything, and so like any upcoming projects or initiatives that you're most excited about and continuing this amazing legacy, and it very much is a legacy. I hope you like, you know, you know, you got everybody giving your flowers, but like, I very much see like and feel the energy that people

feel seen in your events. Um, whether you were doing them with the boxes and highlighting black brands that I'm sure people never even heard of, what are you doing with the sponsorship and being like, This is who we're going to prioritize, and people get to show up like, I really do hope you understand, like, the aspect of legacy that you're creating that like

people. I'm very sure that people feel seen in that. So do you have any I'm giving you flowers like, but I've been trying to do a better job of just like, receiving, you know, my, yeah, my initial reaction used to be like, Oh no. Like, it's not, you know what I mean. But I'm very intentional now about just like, hearing and receiving that I've never heard like that. I'm building a legacy. People say, like, nice things. So that's a very beautiful and like, just, I

feel good. I felt all warm. I'm grateful that, like, I was given this or trusted, and trusted with this purpose and this and this responsibility. And I want to do right by, you know, I want to do right by everyone involved. And as far as like things that are coming up, yes, we are going to continue to do the black excellence branches. There are tons of them. The calendar this year is filled with them. We're going to be showing up at some of your favorite places, like essence

festival. And we're heading for like, international again. So my goal is to also, like, continue to expand it globally. And then in addition to that, I'm actually getting back into the executive producer see. So I'm very excited about that, to create content for Us, By Us, that really helps shift the narrative and helps, like, educate people in the way that a Freaknik documentary did, right in the way that profile the black man did, I'm getting back into the executive producer c

and this year, and I couldn't be more excited to do that. And another thing that I feel like as a part of, like all of this, right, like, from the black excellence boxes to the black excellence brunch to even like executive producing and creating, is I feel a part of my responsibility is to to hold

brands accountable. Right to hold brands that that wouldn't like like exist if had it not been for us, for black people, for the culture, right to make sure that they're doing their part, to give back to us, to pour into this community that so much comes from. So that's another part of my like I found that as a part of my responsibility, and I really take so much joy in doing and I've had so much not only success, but just positive feedback from and especially in

a climate that's trying to get. Heard of D and I right? Yeah, y'all watching Dr. Raquel Martin: this on video. My smile went away so quick. Y'all continue to like, move things forward, yeah, because it's important. Dr. Raquel Martin: I love that, and I can't wait to see more of

the things that you're producing. I have two boys, and one of the things that I've noticed, and one of the things that I'm trying to do more of, is I've always focused more on, like, the black culture overall, but a lot of my work was with black girls and black women and and then I got these two boys, and in the search for things where, like, they're centered, and even from board books to mentoring programs, it's not comparable to and black girls still and black women still need

more, but it's in no way comparable with black men as it is, or black boys as it is with black girls. And I love the fact that you did a project centering black men, because I get asked a lot like, why aren't there more black men clinicians, and I always state that, like, you know, it starts with childhood. If we have an entire group of individuals who aren't allowed to have their emotions or acknowledge them or feel them. Why would they go into a career path where that's their whole

job, right? Like we don't even provide a space or an opportunity to normalize like black boys are can be anything they want to be. They're able to acknowledge emotions, feel them. Many people don't realize that children only learn how to regulate emotions that they're allowed to have. They're not allowed to have anger, they're not allowed to have frustration or sadness or even, you know, just confusion. They're never going to learn how to regulate an emotion they're not allowed

to have, right? And not even just in the home. But the world is a lot of times fearful of black men, the black body overall, but black men, so if they're not even allowed to have anger from childhood, how are they ever going to learn how to regulate it, like, how are they ever going to get that so I just, I can't wait to watch more of what you're doing. And I just really, I really appreciate the fact that you did a whole entire

piece on black men, because I listen. I'm every single day, I'm looking out for more stuff for my boys, like trying to just create a space where they're able to be safe. I understand that. Like, you know, proximity is an experience, but you know, I don't even like my husband going out after dark to take the trash out. Like, I, I literally be like, Man, it's not, we don't need this right now. Like, you're making me uncomfortable. Like, yo. Like, it's 10 of watch he got taken out 11 o'clock at

night. Like, what go to sleep, you know, like waiting by the door. So, like, I appreciate that, because when you have the aspect of representation, and it's not just in books, but in media, it causes a ripple effect, and that's why I really try to focus on representation in media, for people to understand that, like, your legacies are these events, but that those things that you produce, it causes a ripple effect. Like, there's no way someone is not going to see that

and feel seen. And it just it contributes to it makes what I do easier. I'll be real with you when there's appropriate representation, when I have other referral sources where I could be like, watch this documentary, and the documentary is out there. It makes all jobs for mental health professionals easier, because we can give like, a touch point of like a

tangible thing. So I appreciate that. Tell the people where to find you, and it'll be in the show notes too, but just share where they can find you and keep track of all the amazing things that you're doing. Yeah, sure. So I'm most active on Instagram, so I'll give you my Instagram. It's just trail world, T, R, E, L, W, O, R, L, D and black excellence. Brunch is black excellence brunch on all platforms. So we're on Tiktok, we're on

Instagram. Instagram is the most like active and Facebook. So at Black excellence brunch, at all of those spaces and yeah, those are where you can like, find and keep up with a majority of the things that I'm doing. Yeah, check me out. Hopefully, you know, maybe we'll see some of you at a black excellence brunch. And I'm just and I just want to express gratitude for you for like, making space on your platform and inviting me on. And I, you know, I want to speak also, speak life into what

you're doing. I hope that you continue to do it. You're changing and impact packing lives, mine, including today. So thank you so much. Dr. Raquel Martin: Thank you. I appreciate it. I too, am working on accepting compliments. I used to do the same thing, and I one time I was talking to my psychologist, and I'm like, It's like someone singing Happy Birthday to you at a restaurant. Like, what? What do I do with my hands? What am I so I just, you

know, I'd be like, thank you. So like, listen, we're both on this journey together, because I too have to be like, Yeah, okay. So thank you so much for coming. I appreciate it. All of his information will be in the show notes, and y'all have a fantastic rest of your day. You.