All right, welcome folks to the Men's Sexual Mastery Podcast. A place where we can slow down, breathe deeper, and connect again and again to the sacred power, the sacred current of life force, sexual energy that flows through us, all of us, all of the time. We're happy to be with you again today, to drop into all topics in the realm of sacred sexuality, sexual mastery, and overall life alignment. How you doing today, Ben? What are you checking in with? Yeah. Thank you, brother.
Thank you brothers, for tuning in. Ben here checking in. I'm feeling vital. I'm feeling really just fired up today. Even though I had an ejaculation this morning, which was unexpected, It's just so nice to, and I'm so grateful to be at a, a place in my own knowledge and practice and you know, all these tools and protocol to just not even miss a beat. Like I feel like I'm still riding the wave.
There's just a tiny little dip. And then I just got straight into my practices, straight into my protocol and I'm, I'm here and I'm fired up. So I'm in with that. I'm brother. I'm curious for anyone listening in that might be like what, why did Ben just speak to his ejaculation? Could you share a little bit just to catch anyone up to speed about why that may have an impact on you, why that feels relevant for you to check in with? Yeah, yeah.
If you're new to the space, we talk a lot in this space about semen retention or we like to use the word semen intention. The benefits of not ejaculating for periods of time. This allows us to build up the sexual energy in our body, which has all sorts of effects from, you know, increased energy and vitality and stamina and focus both in the bedroom and outside. The bedroom brings a lot more depth of awareness and presence, I would say in every area of my life.
And when it comes to the bedroom, it leads to deeper and deeper levels of connection with my partner. And out in the world, I noticed my workouts are a lot stronger business building. Like I get more ideas. My creativity is just through the roof compared to what it used to be before discovering this stuff. A lot of this is we say it's like the greatest biohack of all time that, you know, traditional Chinese medicine talks about and Ayurvedic lineages and yogic traditions.
But it's just making its way to the West now. So yeah, that's that's what we're talking about. Is there anything you'd add to that, Hawks? I feel good about how you summed it up. I I want to ask one more question on that topic though, is what is it that you feel allowed you to move through that in a more graceful way this particular morning? Well, you know, when I first started, I had a lot of kind of performance pressure I would put on myself.
I had a strong inner critic. I was also pretty depleted. You know, honestly, we say it's kind of like recharging a battery bank. And if your battery's at 5% and when you ejaculate, maybe that's a 5% dip, it's going to feel pretty fucking hard because you're already so depleted. But, you know, when your battery's at 100% and plugged into the charger bank and it dips 5%, it's just it's much
less of an impact. I'm So I'd say that combined with much more positive self talk than I had in the past. Yeah. Just not not making a big deal out of it. Like we say in a lot of our work, in this men's work and the sexual training that we do with men, you know, when we fall down, we just get back up again right away. And just like a baby learning to walk, like we have to make these stumbles.
And it's not about stumbling. It's about just getting back up again and not getting into a loop of shame or guilt or I should have or like, there's no mistakes. There's just lessons. And, you know, I'm getting to a level of vitality now in my personal life and in my relationship where I mean, like I had, you know, I think sex 5 or 6 days this week, like before leading up to this release, I'm like, we just had a very vital sex life and I was holding it
that whole time. So between that and all my other practices that I do, I just, there's so much on abundance of sexual energy where it just doesn't, yeah, doesn't have that effect. And you know, my myself talk is a lot more positive. And this is another benefit of it is like when you start overflowing with this energy, it's just, there's just an increased overall increased sense of well-being and just less mental chatter. It's more love essentially, you know, seeping through me.
So that's my answer to yeah, how I'd say this. I'm I've been able to navigate this in this way. Yeah, right on. Yeah, One of the things I'm hearing is your cup is full. And so a little bit of overflow from a full cup and it's not the end of the world. And another to play on that analogy a little more.
If if the cup spills over a little bit, rather than fumbling and getting nervous about it or going into spirals of shame or negative self talk, that could lead that cup to tilting further and spilling more of that energy out. You're able to remain grounded, calm and like, yeah, OK, when my cup's full in a little bit spilled over the top, not the end of the world. I'm not going to lose my balance and pour out heaps more. And then another thing I heard
is connecting to love. And I know you're in a beautiful partnership in union with your beloved. And yeah, I'd love to hear a little bit about your take on how having an ejaculation or release like that differs when you're in a partnership, when you're in a heart centered lovemaking experience with someone versus maybe a a more traditional form of masturbation that that many men might go through on a regular basis using pornography. Yeah, yeah. It's a great, great question.
Yeah. When we, you know, in ancient tantric practices and then the Taoist lineages and the stuff that we're we're bringing through here, the cock, the, the penis, the lingam as it's called, is actually considered to be the, the wand of the heart is what they call it. It's the furthest, most extremity of the body of the heart channel as it's understood, you know, the very tip of the penis and acupuncture is the heart point.
That's for a reason, you know, and when our heart and our cock is aligned, we call that hard cock coherence in our training. It allows us to go so much deeper into the experience and really amplify the sensations, the pleasure, the the love. Essentially it's it's taught in the Tao that love amplifies sex, then sex amplifies love. You know, these are like sexual energy is an accelerant. So it's going to basically be like gasoline poured onto a fire.
And whether that fire is contained in a committed relationship with self and or partner and in a sacred way, or whether it's just left to kind of run in a chaotic way. And wherever, you know, the desire wants to take it. It can be the difference between cooking a meal in a house or burning the house down, right? So it's just like a, a fuel.
And I find, you know, through relationship, through the, I mean, in some ways, in some capacity, the relationship of relationships of everyone in my life, including you as my brother and the brothers in the community that, you know, we train together in these ways. That's one level of support with me learning to contain myself more and be witnessed and supported, directing my sexual fire with intention and
consciousness. But my partner, you know, she's, she's right in the middle of it. And of course, the most intimate way, the sexual act itself and continuing to allow her to be my sacred mirror, you know, as, as it's understood, continuing to allow her body's reactions to my level of presence and attunement and leadership to my integrity, to, you know, how I show up and
how true I am to my word. You know, her being able to trust me is the direct correlation to the depth of the sexual experience, the depth of the, the love and the the divine union that can occur in partnership, which is ultimately just, you know, to me, a reflection back of how I'm showing up for myself as well. Yeah, a lot of different pieces of wisdom threads to pull on in there.
I, I also want to circle back to something you shared a little earlier and double click on it because kind of glazed over it quickly, but it feels really important and relevant to me in this situation. You mentioned that you and your partner have been making love prior to this, prior to the experience this morning that you're speaking to and, and you were choosing to hold your seat during those prior lovemaking
sessions. And so as you, as you did mention that sexual energy and that love, that heart centered sexual energy was being cultivated and built up throughout the days or the week or more leading up to this. And then in this particular instant, in, in this particular experience, this morning, you did have an ejaculation, but there were previous lovemaking sessions where you chose not to.
And you know, one of the, the Daoists have many formulas for, for many different aspects of, of life and, and vitality. And when it comes to semen retention or intention, there's many different formulas for the lengths of time between a healthy generative release. And that changes based on the seasons. It changes based on our age and
our individual constitution. And it also changes based on how many times we've made love because there's an understanding that there's an immense amount of life force energy that's cultivated and contained when we Make Love without an ejaculation as men. And so, yeah, something that I heard that feels important to speak to is like, there were previous lovemaking sessions where you didn't have an ejaculation. And so that cup was filling,
filling, filling. And then, you know, in that specific formula that I'm that I'm thinking of, it said that, you know, once every three to five times lovemaking can be a healthy, sustainable release period. And I, I find in my own personal practice that, yeah, it that those love making sessions amplify and build up that sexual
energy in really potent ways. And it's a matter of time where eventually it is time to release and, and it can be very generative and, and healthy still because there's been so much energy cultivated already. Yeah, Yeah. Well said, man. I and I know you and your partner of what, five years and you guys have a very deep
practice in that. And I'd be curious to hear a little more, you know, for you to share as well with anyone listening in. I know you have like a, a calendar you track your lovemaking in, you track your releases in and just your sex lab as you call it. I'd love to hear any shares you may have around, you know, how you approach ejaculation and you know, this heart alignment and continuing to navigate that harmonious period of of ejaculation versus, you know, building up the energy.
Yeah. So that, that calendar, it's a paper calendar on the wall in the bedroom. And I've, I've had that going for years now. I have my digital calendar on my phone that keeps all of my work and personal life, you know, responsibilities and, and appointments in order. And then the one in the bedroom is just for the bedroom. And so, yeah, I found it really helpful to track lovemaking sessions, releases.
I like to have it as as a reference point for my own internal energy and for even the connection with my partner. If I can look at the calendar and see, oh, actually, you know what, we haven't been making love with the frequency that we normally would, then it's a good reminder to create some space for that. I can find it.
It certainly happens sometimes where life gets so full and, and, and even though the connection can be really strong between myself and my partner, we might go a longer period without lovemaking. And so to have that visual representation, I can just quickly look at that and realize, oh, you know what, it's time to create some space to connect. And yeah, I would of course really love that. And, and so would she.
And there's, you know, in, in Daoist practices and the, it's call it the Dao of love and sex and even in traditional Chinese medicine, frequent lovemaking when it's practiced in a sustainable, generative way, when the man is withholding his seed the majority of the time and when it's really connected to the heart, there's so much generative energy and life force and vitality that comes from regular lovemaking.
And I think for any relationship, that energy and that the positive effects and impacts of frequent heart centered, sustainable and generative lovemaking is, is a crucial ingredient in any long term committed partnership. And so for me, having that calendar is, is a reference point for where am I at in my relationship.
It's a reference point for where am I at in my own internal energy and to speak to your question about, you know, what sort of things do I consider and take into account when planning or choosing my releases? It's it's multi fold fold. I'm looking at the calendar to see, OK, what was the space
between? Am I in my roughly general ideal cadence, which is a, you know, a period of time between releases, but then that will change and fluctuate based on how frequently have I been making love during that period. What time of the year is it here in the northern latitudes, we're in fall and as the days get shorter and colder, it's more important to have a longer space between releases.
You know, and we've had men in our program speak to compromised immune system and noticing like two men recently in our program mentioned like, oh, I had a release and then right afterwards I got sick. That's interesting. And the Taoist speak to this very plainly and clearly that during winter it's important to wait much longer between
releases. So there's, there's many different factors that come in and then aligning with my partner's menstrual cycle, which aligns me to the natural cycles of the moon inherently is another way that I that I bring another layer of consideration in. And then the last piece I'll speak to that's, that's pretty important for me is where do I have big commitments in my life? Where am I stepping into a facilitation role or guiding or leading a space where I need to be at my fullest?
Full energy, full focus, full power. And then also considering those important dates and ensuring that I'm having a sufficient period of time to build up and cultivate that life force energy before I step into a role where I'm going to be conducting or or holding space and energy in a significant way. Yeah, that's so well said.
You know, in anyone who's listening, like you can look up, you can Google this, like, you know, fighters will not ejaculate for days or sometimes weeks before a fight. Yeah, there's, you find a lot of the stuff in the sort of the niche biohacking space for sure. But yeah, I definitely agree with all of those. And I think sometimes there's there's like a lack of discussion around this. It's kind of like this, you know, the semen retention space.
And you know how I first discovered this and perhaps you did. And I think a lot of us, if you start diving into this world, there's a lot of repression actually in the beginning of, of our, of our journey. And initially that's like the very young, the very masculine approach that many of us have been hardwired into. And you know, what we shoved down actually, though, is we're, we're either numbing our sexuality or we're building up that energy like a pressure cooker.
And that can get really uncomfortable. And, you know, especially when we're talking about having sex frequently without ejaculation. Like for anyone who's new to this, they, you know, of course it'd be like, wow, that sounds really uncomfortable. Like that would give me blue balls. Can you speak a little bit to
that, Hawks? Yeah, I would love to because this was just coming up for me as you were referencing fighters and athletes that have learned through their own personal experience or maybe they were taught by someone that, hey, it's really important not to have an ejaculation leading up to a big fight or a big athletic performance.
And I've heard or I've read about athletes who would say like, I'm not, I don't see my partner, like I don't see my girlfriend or I don't have sex the week or weeks leading up to the event because I don't want to have that ejaculation. And to me, like I, I see that I'm like, OK, yeah, they're understanding part of the equation here.
And the part of the equation that is often, I think, from my experience and perception, misunderstood or misinterpreted in our culture is that no, it's not that sex is bad. It's not that sex depletes us. It's that for so many people in our culture, for men at least, sex is equated with an ejaculation. They're one in the same.
But when we can learn to withhold our seed, last as long as we want, have an amazing lovemaking session and not have an ejaculation but still feel really fulfilled in that, then we'd no longer need to say like, oh, I'm not going to have sex leading up to this game or this fight or this big event. It's like actually, I look at it as like, where can I createspace to have a really potent lovemaking session with my
partner before that? And I'm careful not to have an ejaculation during that lovemaking session, but we can cultivate all this love and this energy. And then I get to take that with me into that next event or experience or fight or whatever it is. And so the, the process as you were speaking to getting to a place where we're actually really comfortable, fully content and actually like choosing to have a non ejaculatory sex, it is a process and it requires training.
It's, it's a martial arts of kinds where it requires commitment, it requires continued practice. But it is so possible. And I know for myself and for everyone else that I've talked to who's in this way of being, it's like it becomes the choice. It becomes like, Oh no, I'm, I want to not have an ejaculation because it feels so good. And I've and I can still experience immense amounts of pleasure and connection and deep fulfillment in that lovemaking session. And I feel supercharged up,
super LED up like a superhuman. The days that the hours, the minutes, the days, the weeks following that. And so parsing that apart is so important because as I was speaking to before, having frequent sex is part of a healthy diet. As I see it, it's part of a healthy, vital lifestyle and part of a healthy, vital relationship. So if we're repressing sex because there's a fear of, but if I ejaculate, I'm going to lose all this energy. So I'm going to push that.
I'm going to repress that, push my partner away. That's going to lead to actually other challenges in life and in relationship by ignoring that innate desire within us to connect, to be in that union of Shiva and Shakti, yen and Yang, man and woman, or just two partners who deeply love each
other. And so getting to that place where it's no longer a choice of sex or no sex, it's a choice of sex, sex with ejaculation, sex without ejaculation or no sex, then I'm going to choose the sex without ejaculation most of the time. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's it. It's, it is a process to switch, you know, over into this new way of like we say, it's sexual software updates. You know, I could, I wouldn't have believed it.
You know, you talked to me back in my, my 20s or my teens, you know, I was so addicted to ejaculation, not knowing what was possible, you know, beyond this, the, the quick dopamine hit of that actually, when you build up this energy, the sustained like that delayed gratification and the, the subtle senses that start to come online and all the other side effects that we've mentioned. It really is a game changer when
we can bring it to the bedroom. And as we speak to a lot, you know, in the training, it shifts the entire dynamic in the bedroom. Like many women, you know, met every man and woman for the most part has been programmed by porn. And most of us are just re enacting porn scenes in the bedroom and not realizing that that's what we're doing. But that's how we learned how to do the thing. We're really being honest.
We're really looking at it. And when a woman enters a space with a man who does not have the objective of ejaculating can be triggering for some women, 'cause then, you know, it's like anxiety that they don't know what to do. They don't know how to perform if he doesn't ejaculate.
But once they get over that and once everyone just sort of rests in the exploration, we we shift the entire dynamic into just how deep can we go into her pleasure and her pleasure, the female orgasm is infinite and so multi layered and so multi textured and so is ours. We come to find as we go deeper
in there. But when we can learn to hold this and make it about her pleasure like that is our greatest pleasure has been actually and when we can last as long as we want in the bedroom, you know, we can go hours into making love with our partner. It's like, that is the most epic lovemaking you could imagine. And most women have never encountered men who have that capacity. And most men and women don't realize that that's even
possible. Again, because of the the porn conditioning, fixating on ejaculation, when actually when as soon as you ejaculate, the energy's gone, it dissipates. There's the refractory period and we we want to like roll over and go to sleep. So yeah, the, the delayed gratification, the rewiring, all of all of this is a game changer. And you got to experience it first hand to know it, that's for sure. And that's exactly like what we're all about here.
I mean, we can talk about this stuff all the time. And, you know, there's a lot of, there's information out there and there's books and all the rest. But you know, what we do in our training programs is connect men with that ability first hand with them to experience that first hand so that they don't need to read anything else about it. You know, once you've started tasting that within yourself, that capacity, it's just like lighting a fire inside. And ultimately it becomes your
greatest passion. You know, it becomes your rocket fuel in life. And it's it's your fulfillment. And there's so many men who've come through our training programs and guys who are in it right now, you know, and just shout out to all those guys. And you know, we're we're here to basically support brothers in this. And ultimately, like we have there's many different ways up
the mountain. As we say, we have our signature process, our own recipe, if you will, of the most condensed, distilled, potent practices that you and I have found as two separate brothers coming into this space. I don't know anyone else who has this level of brotherhood and men's work and community that we do at MSM.
But, you know, having this protocol, having this, you know, modular, like step by step process to guide men into awakening one level at a time, like their capacity for this and the consistent daily accountability support and all the other pieces that weekly calls that we do in the one-on-one for guys that want that. Ultimately, like we are here to just connect you with this ability first hand to put you on the, the quantum, you know, timeline. Like you can figure it out on
your on our own. Like that's what we did each of us for years, you know, for decades. But it's often times it's greatly accelerated when you can have something that's much more distilled and you don't have to try out every single of the, you know, hundreds of practices and hundreds of books and, and all this stuff. So anyway, that's just guiding it back to the the first hand experience of it. The rewiring of it is, is ultimately all that matters. Like applied knowledge is what's
most potent more than anything. So. Yeah. And that so when you speak to like what we're in service to is connecting men with that experience first hand, Could you speak to how it is that that we do that? Because I feel like that could be interpreted in many different ways. And so how is it that MSM as a brotherhood, as a community, so how do we support men in that first hand experience of these
new ways of being? Yeah, well, there's a I'm trying to think of how I could make this the most succinct possible, as succinctly as possible. But as you mentioned earlier, this is a form of internal martial arts. It's in a way, it's like we said, it's updating our sexual software. It's rewiring neural pathways, it's rewiring nervous system, you know, autonomic nervous system responses to things like ejaculation, which if you notice is a it's a sympathetic nervous system response.
It's a clenching, it's re patterning our brains, our nervous systems, our bodies into a new program of how we interact with sexuality. And this is done through many, many, you know, like I said, our our unique process that you have to, you know, experience it to really know it.
But there's levels of practices that when practiced consistently over time, begin to awaken the subtle senses when it's combined with, you know, semen intention, as we talked about not ejaculating slowly, little by little, you begin to fill up that energy within you kind of like a bowl of water. You know, we patch all the leaks and then we start doing the practices. We start filling up the vessel. Then suddenly that battery bank as we spoke to starts to fill up
starts. That's when guys really start noticing. Usually it's by week four, week five, week 6. They're just like, holy shit, like how was I never taught this? Like what you know, and building up that energy from the inside out. We have solo cultivation practices. We start guys often, even if they're in relationship, building up the the chi within them, the sexual energy, and then from there we move
outwards. Once we're coming from an overflowing cup, as we spoke to, then we can show up in a relationship in abundance rather than scarcity. Rather than trying to take or extract or need sexual pleasure or fulfillment from a partner, we actually have an abundance of it 'cause we're learning how to generate it within and from that
place. Then we can step into relationship and a lot of our training goes into a bunch of, you know, tons of teachings and tools and practices for, for building polarity and deepening in attunement and practices with partners. So that's kind of the outline as I would describe it. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for that. I want to point out that this is work that we as men do on our own.
Ultimately, you know, it's like you and I are here to provide the space, provide the container to ensure to the best of our ability that there is implementation. And we can't do it for you and we're not doing it for you.
We're providing the community, the brotherhood and through that brotherhood, through our accountability containers and through our groups, our group cohorts, we're creating the, the container, we're creating the structure to ensure that each man is implementing to the best of his ability, the tools and the practices. Like you spoke to solo cultivation being one of the, one of the primary foundational practices. And, and that as it says his solo cultivation, we can't do it for you.
We're not doing it together. You're doing it on your own and we're providing the framework. So it's crystal clear, these are the steps, this is the frequency, and this is the community that's going to hold me accountable to ensure that I'm doing what I came here to do and receiving the results that I came here to achieve. And I feel called to just sprinkle a little something in for any listeners here around that solo cultivation practice, something that you could do for
yourself at home. I won't go through in depth the process because it would take a whole podcast, while it takes, you know, a whole lecture series and series of practice videos to really instill that. But just as a way for any man out there to start to repattern and reframe your relationship with your own sex, let go of any external stimulus.
First and foremost. If you're using pornography, if you're using any form of external images, let that go because this is a process of coming into our self, coming into our own body, coming into the sensations alive within our own body. That's part of the process of attuning to the subtle energies and the subtle sensations which eventually over time, allow us to open up to whole new pathways
of pleasure in our own body. And then going into a practice where you're in a self love, a self pleasure routine, but letting go of whatever you think masturbation is and trying something completely new. Moving slowly, being with your breath and being in your body, always coming back into the body in those sensations. And then as you're starting out, have a limit for how much arousal you're going to build in
your system. Because one of the things that's also different about this self love or self pleasure practice is we're not finishing with ejaculation. And that's why we're starting to really rewrite and reprogram this bodily response that arousal means ejaculation is coming. And so we encourage you to stay within 70% if your range of arousal is zero to 190% or 95%. Arousal is that point of no return where you're now going into an automated response in your body that leads to
ejaculation. Stay well back from that. Build up arousal, build pleasure in your body, but let it come to a point around 70% and then soften, slow down, let go, bring touch and attention to other parts of your body and let that arousal come back down, maybe to 30%. And then build yourself up again slowly and intentionally.
And over time, through being in a practice and relationship with our own sex in that way, we'll be able to bring it into the bedroom and we'll be able to come more and more aware of what are the sensations in my body, What is my breath doing, How is it changing as I'm increasing in arousal? And then where can I start to bring that awareness in and make a change to how I'm breathing or how I'm moving?
And then as we master that within ourselves, we're then able to bring it into partnership. And it does get more complicated when we bring it into
partnership. And that's why it's important to work with just ourself when we're starting out because it's only our energy, it's only our touch and our body that we're taking into consideration and that we're and that's factoring in. But when we bring it into partnership, there's another body, another energy, and likely a greatly amplified level of arousal and stimulation present.
So that's just one little sprinkle, something that anyone could take away from this call and start to put into practice in your own life. And and of course, as I spoke to, we're here as a community and brotherhood to ensure that you're not just doing this once you're doing it the amount of times, the frequency of the cadence and in the right procedure, procedure that's going to allow the implementation required for you to really achieve what you're what you might be desiring. Yeah.
Anything you want to add into that? Yeah, just at the end of the day, there's, we say that there's, you know, there's working out. It's like going to the gym and then there's working in, and this is a working in practice. This is getting internal martial arts. So you got to do the wraps. There's just no way getting around it. Like, you know, I, I know I spent a long time scouring books, scouring the Internet, reading, trying to just
consuming all this information. But ultimately, that can be a huge saboteur to actually implementing it, you know, and for many of us that that's the hardest thing to do actually is like consistent daily reps. And that is the only way that you are going to unlock your ability as a man to separate orgasm and ejaculation, you know, and start to build up this energy. It's not consuming more
information. So just that's just one last, last thing I'll throw out there 'cause we live in an age of information overload. Ultimately, it's, it's what you put into practice that counts. And that's what we call embodiment, embodying the practice. And that's when knowledge becomes wisdom and it becomes your own. And we say a lot of times and we, we see in our community like tell guys all the time, like what's awakening in you is awakening in me, bro.
Like there's no gurus here. Like there's, you know, we got codes cause we've come a long way. And I know you and I both. And every brother who comes through this though, has his own unique blueprint and codes like that awaken. He has his own wisdom that comes through him as he begins to practice this stuff.
And that's when actually the the brotherhood truly becomes a collective, you know, and that's some of the guys who graduate and move deeper in with us. Like it becomes more of a council of brothers who are all researching what this is, you know, and it's a potent path to share with other brothers. So yeah, if you're feeling called to any of this, if any of this resonates with you, yeah, reach out to us. You know, fill out an application on our website.
We have another group training starting December 1st. Another six month group training and there's a seat for you at the table, brother. Yeah, yeah, it's such a it's such a privilege to be able to learn from every man that comes into our program because everyone's coming in with their own unique blueprint, their own unique experience and their own unique way of approaching the practices.
And when we come back together on these group calls or in our one-on-one sessions, as you're saying, we get to receive the codes from the men who are putting these practices into work in their own life and in their own way. And we're constantly getting like receiving more and more data points, more and more information that allow us to continue to refine and refine as any practitioner who works with
clients gets to experiences. We're constantly building this more expansive and comprehensive web of information and data points that allow us to continue to refine the process so that it can be the best it can be for for everyone and anyone. I want to, I want to circle back around to something we touched on briefly, Ben, that feels important as a little add on to this discussion we were having earlier about choosing to enter a love making session without an ejaculation.
And you spoke to it about how many women as well will have a resistance to that initially. And this is a question I get from men all of the time. I'm sure you do as well of OK. I'm in a partnership and I feel like I've learned enough. I've, I've read the books, I've acquired the the knowledge that, yeah, it's going to serve me to not ejaculate every time I have sex. But my partner really loves it when I do. It's affirming for her. It's enjoyable for her. What do I do if she has
resistance? To me not ejaculating at the end of a love making session. Yeah, that's a, that's a really common one that comes up. Yeah, a lot of this is about re educating ourselves and our partners and the way we can frame it to her and contextualize it is key in this instance. I like to tell guys, you know, if if you think of it like playing a game, like tell your partner like I'm just think of it like a game. I just want to see how long I can last and how deep we can go
into your pleasure. How does that sound? You know, just that's one simple take. You can also educate your partner about like, you know, these techniques and practices and that there are benefits to this. Like my intention in this is actually to show up more fully for you, not just sexually, but in every area of our life. And this is going to support me in that, you know, and for some men, I think there can be almost like I, I've seen it in some of the guys that come through our
training. Like it's a power dynamic issue at times. And it's like a a man reasserting his role as a leader in the bedroom. And I think sometimes women can feel threatened when they don't trust him. You know, there's other areas of his life where he's showing that he can't actually hold it. He can't hold it together like he can't hold her like he's not
aware enough. And so I think demonstrating in other areas of your life that you are showing up in leadership with consciousness, you know, holding the energy, being present for her and being able to support her and her process. It can take a little time to re pattern relationships where women feel like an unconscious betrayal or absence of their partner or a lack of responsibility.
And I find that there's usually a correlation with women who, in partnership, are resistant to a man practicing holding it or exploring her with, like, how he's been showing up. And conversely, it can also be her, you know, her tendencies to want to control everything unconsciously as well. So yeah. Yeah, yeah. That piece on power dynamics feels like like another branch of this on its own that as you were speaking to, is going to likely require some deeper work in building trust in the
relationship. And so there's that. And then I also want to want to dive a little bit deeper into suppose it isn't a power dynamics thing. Suppose it's just the habituation of pleasure and enjoyment and fulfillment coming from the woman in receiving Herman's ejaculation feeling like yes, he's experienced pleasure here. That's affirming for me. And like there's and, and it's pleasure full, you know, especially if they're in a practice of mutual orgasm.
And it can be like a really powerful thing to share that orgasmic experience with a partner as she's coming, he's coming. And, and supposing that some of those other sort of more edgy or just nuanced pieces around the power dynamics aren't at play. And it's just but I really enjoy it when you come. I want to speak to that and invite the curiosity, as you were saying, a re education or a
deeper education. And I would look at this actually just from the man's opportunity to educate himself. You could inquire with your partner, what is it that you love about my ejaculation? What effect does that have on you? And then you might get some of these common responses like, well, it shows me that I have fulfilled you. It shows me that you've you are in deep pleasure. I love that experience of you being in this peak experience of pleasure and, and I enjoy it as
well. It's, it feels fulfilling for me and it also helps me to achieve my orgasm and whatever that might be. It's these are more data points for us to then take in and see. OK. I wonder if I could affirm her in the same way that I'm experiencing immense pleasure and fulfillment here. What if it's just that until I come? And this is a pattern, too. We see in men all the time where it's like sex is happening. It's happening. He's, you know, fairly neutral, not making a lot of sound, not
giving a lot of expression. And then there's an ejaculation. And it's this big thing that's like, OK, there's his pleasure. What if we could open up to the pleasure that's there in every moment of the lovemaking and come into a way that's authentic and grounded to express that to our partner, whether it's through words or we love to invite men to open up the voice and the sound a little more and express through your voice, whether it's words or sounds that like, wow, this feels
amazing. I'm having such a good time here. I am loving this and I'm so fulfilled just in this moment. I don't actually need anything more. And I think for a lot of women, when they really start to experience and believe that that oh wow, he's actually enjoying every second of this lovemaking session so much. And it doesn't need to be any grand finale. He's really just genuinely loving being here with me in this way.
And then at the end of the session as well to affirm like if I if if if you don't have an ejaculation to make sure you keep that connection strong with your partner and let her know like, wow, that was amazing baby. You were so sexy. That felt so good. I feel so fulfilled. Thank you. I'm feel filled up with this energy and now I get to take this into my day. I get to take this into work
tomorrow. I get to take this into our family, into all of the areas of my life that are going to benefit from this energy that we've just cultivated. And over time, we can start to affirm those parts of her that want to, that want to feel like there's that level of fulfillment and enjoyment in you as a man and to understand that there are other ways to express that than just an ejaculatory response. And then another important piece
is the woman's fulfillment. This is, I would say, the more important piece in this equation for me personally, I've experienced as you were speaking to, it's her pleasure is my pleasure. And actually what fulfills me the most is knowing that she received everything that she desired from the experience and more.
And so there's also there can be a, a challenge for men starting out on this path of how do I stay within that, that those boundaries of my own arousal so that I'm not spilling over the edge while still bringing her to the depths of her potential for
pleasure. And I love at this point, like early on in the exploration to really encourage men to double down or quadruple down on practices like cunnilingus as a way to build her energy, to build her arousal and pleasure up. That doesn't compromise our own stamina with our lingam, with our sexual stamina. And we can bring her to that place where she's experiencing waves of pleasure and fulfillment.
And then if and when it comes to penetrative sex, she's already, her cup is already full and overflowing and might overflow again and again. And it doesn't require that same level of hesitancy of, oh, I, I don't want to go too hard here.
I don't like, I don't want to push myself too far here because I'm not planning on having an an ejaculation while also understanding and honoring that she might require more than we're capable of early on in order for her to reach that level of fulfillment and pleasure that's also going to fill her cup. And so that's, yeah, it's, it's another really big topic that we could go into much more.
But just to kind of sum that up, I would say get really curious about what it is that your partner enjoys about your ejaculation and then find other ways to meet those needs and desires. It's kind of like with any habitual pattern in our life looking at addiction or, or habits as, OK, well, these are here for a reason. They're fulfilling something within me or they're attempting to fulfill some desire or need within me.
But is there another way that could actually be more generative where I could meet this, meet this part of me in a good way? So yeah, feeling, feeling ready to to wrap that up and I'd love to just turn it over to you. Based on what we've talked about today, topics we've delve into. Is there anything else that you want to speak to to round this out? Yeah, we've covered a lot today. It's been a great, great conversation. Hawks, appreciate you and appreciate all you listening in.
I just would, again, highlight consistency doing the reps, you know, continuing to, yeah, just rewire this from the inside out, you know, one breath at a time, 1 moment at a time, one second at a time, celebrating those small wins. If you're new to this work, there's a normal phase of withdrawals from the dopamine. You know, it's a dopamine detox of ejaculations. And there's normal oscillation.
We say in our training of, you know, if you're addicted to porn or you're addicted to ejaculation to like going back to that because often times it's helping us, you know, like a crutch. Like if you have a broken foot, you may need that crutch to lean on while your foot's broken. But as you start to heal and can start to put weight on it, you can gradually let that crutch go.
So, you know, if you've been habitually using porn or habitually ejaculating, it's going to take time for your nervous system to rewire itself for your your neural pathways to be rebuilt through this work. So don't beat yourself up in the beginning. Really just focus on the small
wins, hit that reset. You know, just like we talked about at the beginning of this call, like when I had my ejaculation in the past, again, it was a much bigger toll it would take on me, but I also would be beating myself up a lot of, you know, back then. And I think a lot of guys in the semen retention space are kind of in that like very rigid, sort of, yeah, non, it's not productive to feel like shit. It's not productive to guilt trip yourself.
Just keep hitting that reset over and over and over again. And over time, like those little resets, you know, getting up again every time we fall down, that's what that's the actual work that's building the muscle. You're on the right track. And gradually, little by little, you'll notice the cadence of of a desire that you have to go do that goes down and down.
Your subtle sensations increase and increase until eventually you reach the threshold where it just the pleasure you're having in not ejaculating far outweighs any of the pleasure you could have by looking at porn or having an ejaculation. So I just want to remind that to guys that it's, it's a process. It's not like a light switch and just because you, you get the, the idea of it or you, you hear the information doesn't always mean that the body can receive it quickly right away.
So be gentle with yourself, take your time and if you need support in this journey, like we're here for you. Again, as we mentioned, we have a training coming up in December. Still a handful of spots, I think 5 or 6 spots left in that one. And yeah, we'd love to have you in it. So that's everything I've got with that. I'm I'm complete. Yeah, awesome brother. Well, pleasure as always to drop in with you.
I love how we had some points that we were thinking we might dive into today and then just from your check in, we had more than enough threads to pull on and went in a completely different direction. So always fun going on these tangents with you. Appreciate anyone tuning in. Hope you received value from this.
And as Ben was speaking to, if you'd like the support of brotherhood and the community of like minded men on a similar path oriented towards shared goals and intentions and a real strong framework to to guide you there and the implementation tools to ensure that you're doing what you set out to do, come hit us up. We would love to have you and wherever you're at and wherever you choose to go may be true and authentic to you. Move in a owerful way and have a blessed day.