Should I be worried if my partner is a frequent clubber?

Welcome to another episode of me. Explain. Today's topic hits home a little bit and I'm kind of concerned about this one. I hardly ever say that, but the topic is about clubbing. Should we be worried if our partner is a frequent clubber? Now, today I've got a special friend here with me. I've known him for quite some time and guess where we met at a party in a club. It's Myrne. Please welcome my. Hello. Thanks,

Sonia. Thanks for having me. My name is my, I'm a DJ producer based in Singapore. And, um, yeah, I go to clubs quite a bit to work and to enjoy myself.

Ok. So, before we delve into the topic, you work at the club, but you also enjoy partying, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you sort of differentiate that? Do you, when you go there, you work mode and then you also go there to party with that

because it's, it's kind of like a workplace for me. Right. So I go there really? Just to, it sounds cheesy. But I go there to listen to music, to do research too

all the time. Yeah.

Yeah. Most of the time unless, you know, you go to like a, a party club or something. But, yeah, I think most of it is, you know, I can split it quite

well. So when you first started djing, did it make dating challenging for you? I

think. Not really. I think it's more so just finding a person that manages those schedules a bit better because you're working through, you know, Friday, Saturday the weekend. Um, Just so finding someone that can manage those times. Um Yeah, that's all you need. I think. So.

Why do you think clubbing has such a bad rep then? Because, you know, from, from our point of view or from your point of view, it's quite professional clearly because you're also working and it's also like networking, you know, you meet a lot of people there. Why do you think it has such a bad rep?

Well, this is my experience, you know, playing in Asia and mostly in the US. Um I will go to a lot of raves in the US and people there like it was very dingy, like you would pay, I think like five bucks to enter a drink was super cheap. So people were just there to catch, you know, artists or catch them some really cool performances. Um Whereas here, clubbing is kind

that, like a whole bathtub of it. I only see in Asia.

Same, same. Um, so I guess that's where the difference lies.

Ok, so then taking your perception of what clubbing is in Asia, um, you think that's why it has struck up a bad name. Like, or people just have this impression guys go there to flex to girls, pick, pick girls up, girls, go there to look for rich guys. Is that, is

that what it is? I think so and I think it's just a matter of um you know, time, like given enough time, any kind of um scene, no industry of progress. And also that I think running a club in Singapore is really hard. So the clubs that tend to survive are the ones that, you know, encourage like the spending kind of mentality. So, I mean, naturally follows that these behaviors are also kind of not prioritized but you know, um put in the spotlight la

OK. So from your experience, what do you then enjoy about the night life? Ok. Like

this is a super mundane point. But, but this is, I think going out to a club is the only time I can catch some of my friends because yeah, because people work weird hours, long hours. Um I think, yeah, like first of all, it's easy to catch them. Um you know, when it's, when it's night. And second, I think Singapore is also a pretty good spot for electronic music in general. Live music. Like lots of DJ S, lots of bands come through. Um, so you get a lot of really interesting performances. Like,

I completely agree because, um, I've gotten into some arguments before, like, with my current partner and my previous partners about the fact that I like to go out and party and I think it's because of this perception that, oh, you know, when you go out to party, it's really just like a bad behavior or like, you know, all that kind of stuff that rack up, you know, bad reputation for the club. But to be honest, generally, I will go if I like the DJ. Firstly, I need to like the music,

I think clubbing as a whole is kind of, um, you assign what kind of whatever value you want to. It, like, clubbing also means different things to different people. Right. Some people, like, it could really just mean going to, like a disco.

Right. Oh, that's not my thing though. I can't, I can't. Sure.

Sure. Yeah, for some people it means that some people, it means, you know, going to like a mega club, buying some drinks and have a good time. I don't think it's necessarily like a reflection of who you are. Yeah, I

think it's so misunderstood because also like when your single friends are single, they be like, oh, hey, let's go like let's go, let's go rack it up or whatever. OK. Next point they are superficial, materialistic, very focused on physical appearance, um, expensive items and seeking shallow pursuits. These are very strong words, guys. Where did you get this survey from? Do you think that is necessarily the case?

Maybe I think some percentage percentage but I mean to be frank, I think everyone looks good in like the dark light, you know, so

the dark and beer goggles, everyone looks good like 100 times better at five

AM. The lights turn on you like

even I look at myself, I'm scared at 5 a.m. I'm like, whoa what was going on? Ok. The next one they lack commitment and stability spending frequent nights at a club could imply that they're not serious at looking at long term commitments or anything serious at all. It could also seem to suggest that these individuals need a more spontaneous and independent lifestyle. My partner is going to have a lot to say about this. Like this is a constant point of contention for

us. Yeah. So like, what do you guys usually like? So when you go out, you don't really go out together. So we

do, we do. It's just that I think, um, OK, have you ever heard of the phrase? Like people ask you, when are you going to grow out of this or when are you going to stop partying? Have you heard that? Ok. I personally dislike that because I meet a lot of people who they never grow out of it. I don't think that's something you need to grow out of. You're not excessively doing it. If you just enjoy music, you enjoy going out.

but I, I definitely agree. I think it's not really, it's just another thing that people like to do. I don't think it innately carries any kind of connotations and I think it's fine. Like if you really like clubbing, well, it depends what you like clubbing for.

Exactly. Yeah, I think there's so many layers to it. When, you know, people throw that term around, I think, immediately they think, oh, late nights, bad behavior. When are you going to grow out of that? But yeah, it's really what you want to make out of it. Ok. Last point here, tell me if you agree with it, they are irresponsible. Partygoers are depicted as individuals who neglect responsibilities where they prioritize having fun over other important aspects of their lives. I disagree. Like,

what, you know, like, what else is there in life to do except go to, you

know, I mean, I guess people who have normal day jobs because our hours are a bit different. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I think everyone needs some kind of release or like a place just to have fun. Um, and it could be perfectly innocent, I think. Yeah. But

even, ok, you know, when it comes to drinking, right, sometimes it's more often than not, it's the alcohol that makes you do stupid things. You drink too much, you do stupid things and then it becomes a question of whether you can make a conscious decision to stop at a certain point because I think clubbing as a whole is not a bad thing. It's the consumption of alcohol actually. That's how I feel. Yeah. Yeah. Can you go out, like, for a good night without any alcohol? Oh, yeah.

I've been trying that out, I think after COVID. How is that working? Ok. Ok. Now I'm just the kind of guy that, you know, will have a craft beer. And I'm like, oh, I love the aftertaste on this or something. I think prior to COVID, like a few years ago I would get, you know, really drunk. Like, I would use alcohol as a crutch because I think what alcohol is, it just increases your agency and lowers your inhibitions. So it really

that, I think. Unfortunately it's just the stuff that we see sometimes on social media people, like, you know, being a wreck or, or, I don't know, getting up to stupid things fighting. Yeah. That kind of stuff that gives the whole industry like a bad name. But speaking of which, have you ever been stereotyped because of your job or because you're in nightlife?

They definitely assume things based off. Like, oh, so you love partying? You love going out and I don't really enjoy it as much as people think I do. I think, like, when I go out clubbing it's really just to see music. Like, I can go sober, I can go alone or with my partner. Um So yeah, I think everyone is totally different.

So you mentioned that you can go out with your partner, you can party with her. How, so how did you guys talk about? This? Is she also very similar to you in terms of personality? Yeah, super

similar. And also we met um while she was working for a club, like not, not um during the nightlife period, but I think like doing marketing or day and we both love live music. We both love electronic music. Um, so I think it's quite compatible and quite easy. Sometimes I'll be like, I want to see this person and then she'll be like, oh, I don't want, I kind of want to stay at home. I said, ok, I'll just go and check it out a little bit and come back.

Yeah. So she's ok with you going out to party a lot and you're ok with her going out to party. I think so. Yeah. Ok. So tell me more about that because I think this is a point of contention for a lot of couples. When you're in a committed relationship, it makes it more difficult for you to do your own thing, especially partying late at night. Right.

Um It really depends a lot on trust and communication. So I guess just communicate well with your partner and um trust like we both earnestly love music. So we'll go out just to see music and just have a good time and then together, more time together than not.

And you've never had a fight about anything related to, I guess.

The, the one. Yeah. No, this was a few years ago, like, really early on. Right. I was, I think I was touring the US and they were here in Singapore and, you know, like how in L A time, like you wake up and then in Singapore maybe like midnight. So like by the time you have lunch in L A, it's around 4 a.m. in Singapore. So I was like texting her at lunch. I was like, are you home yet? And you get home safe and then just no reply.

think. But how did you react then? Were

you? I'm just like, oh, this is kind of immature like, why am I worrying about this? So you should put yourself back. Yeah, I guess so, you know, you kind of notice that, you know, they're a grown person like they're an adult like they can take care of themselves. Um So yeah, not too big of a deal.

I think that's a good point because for me, I've definitely been in a situation like that where I'm overseas the time difference is huge. Um, I could be replying at a weird time or whatsoever. Unfortunately, it did result in a couple of really big fights before because I think ok, for my partner and I, I don't know whether I want him to watch this episode. Um, for us, like I, I would say he's in a different phase of life a little bit. So I don't know whether in his mind he's like, ok, I'm

Yeah, I, I think I'm the one that sleeps at midnight sometimes when you're working except when I'm working. But in Singapore, not too much. Like we don't really play too much. But yeah, my girlfriend will want, we have the exact, she's a Capricorn as well. So she will have dinner with her girlfriends and then she'll decide like, ok, we need to check out this blah, blah, blah, have to,

it's a priority,

you know, my number one priority and I'm like, ok, I guess I'm going, you go, sometimes I'll go, uh, sometimes if I'm really beat and I really want, I had a long day or something, I'll just be like, ok, just let me know when you get home, I guess.

And it's ok when she's like, oh, but it's a girls night. Will you be cool with that?

I don't, I don't, I don't really care about that. It's like girls guys. I don't feel any kind of concern or anything. Um, you're going out, um, you're having a good time, like I trust you, we communicate as long as you don't, you know, like puke in the bed or anything, you know, it's fine. I guess

that's quite, I mean, yeah, that's the bare minimum. I've never done that. I think. You think I have? I've never done that. So, yeah, definitely. Trust and communication is so important, right? But, um, my question is for those of us who are still navigating that, you know, for our viewers who are listening in and really trying to get some tips from this. How do you even start a conversation like that? How do you even talk

Sure. I get that. Um, well, first off, I think my personal experience was quite different. Like we were both like working in nightclubs, we were both in nightclubs. So that helped a lot because like, we've seen it for what it is and what it isn't and like, what you like, whatever you get out of it is just

Um, no, my partner has never said you can't go. But, uh, so what we concluded was that if I were to go out, I just have to make sure I set expectations. Like, ok, it's going to be a late night, for example. And, you know, don't just go off into the wind and be like, oh, yeah, maybe another hour

point. Actually, I think um if you're going out and I guess, you know, let you know when you get home and

if I'm with friends, I mean, he knows all my friends. So I'll just tell him like, oh, who I'm with then at least if he can't reach me, at least he can reach someone if everyone is still sober. I don't know, like, but I guess that could, you know, that could help if you're navigating a situation like that. But I've been in situations where, you know, I'm out partying or whatever it is like my followers or people who recognize me want to take photos and sometimes I look

you ever have like someone actually do that? And then like a photo went public or? Yeah.

So I think it's more if they just post whatever they like, right? Or they are like, oh and then when I see it, I'm like, oh my God, this person has and it doesn't matter how many followers this person has. OK? Like you never know where this photo is going to

go a bad photo. It just,

yeah, I just look like I'm not, you know,

been there. OK? What happened? Nothing, I guess. Um Yeah. So you go out um especially at very hitty electronic music events. Like people who are, I'm fans of usually they listen to me as well and then I'm really having a good time like dancing and getting, you know drunk and then people come up to me and try to have like a conversation about music production and oh my

God, why do they want to have such a deep conversation at that time? I mean, I'll

try my best to kind of engage. But, you know, I think in the middle I'll lose the plot or something and be like, yeah, it was nice to meet you, man. I got to go drink some water. Yeah.

Just worried about giving off like an impression. I,

I, no, I think it's, I think it's fine. I feel like we're humans, like we're all human and I think it's normal to be, you know, slightly in, like a nightclub.

Yeah. No, I, I completely agree. I think it's just, uh, this country is so small. Everyone kind of knows and then they're going to be like, oh, yeah, I saw like, uh, so that day and she was like, dead drunk and then, like, tell the next person the story changes. I'm telling you even that day it was at a friends party, not even at a club. It was a friend's birthday party. And, um, she, we had a couple of shots, whatever. She asked me to help her, say some stuff on

think people will say stuff all the time.

Have you heard any funny things about yourself before?

Not really. I, I try to keep tapped out, I guess, you know, just not pay attention to anything but no, I don't think I'm that kind of level of, he

seems pretty chill honestly. Like I know quite a few DJ s in the local scene. You're one of the most like I'm in my zone chilling

like in the cloud. Yes.

Yes. I mean, you know, there are other DJ S who might seem a little bit more into the lifestyle. Like they have like tons of girls surrounding them. I mean, do people sometimes think of you? Like, oh no,

like when I'm DJ it's all dudes behind it. Like 10 dudes, 10 guys, Jack guys. When I first started out, you know, when you were 17, 18, you don't really know what to do. And then as like a very geeky skinny kid at that age, I'm like, oh shit. I'm D jing like all these girls are talking to me what's going on? Like, did I grow beard or something? So, like that kind of thing gets thrust upon you, especially if you get into music at an early age, I

guess. Ok, so I did a DJ before. Oh no, I'm not going to stay home. This is a long time ago. Um And I did find myself in moments where I would catch some insecurity because he was always surrounded by a lot of very attractive girls and, you know, I'm a bit more like, I don't wear like a body con dresses at, you know, clubs or whatever. I'm just more like of a, I guess I still am wearing like pants every single day kind of girl. So sometimes I'm like, wow, these girls

I think I'm harmless. Yeah, until I get really close here. But no, I, I think, you know, my girlfriend will feel sometimes that way but I think she's also super confident. I'm super confident in like the communication, the relationship. Sometimes she's always like, oh, I got a lot of girls, you go date them. I, like, I, I wasn't thinking about that anyway,

you know? But now that you said it, maybe I,

maybe I might. But no, I think, yeah, I understand where the insecurity comes from, but it's really more boring than it looks, I think.

Ok. Yeah. Ok. I need to understand that. I think more people need to understand that. But in general people sometimes feel like, oh, hey, it's not necessarily about you because I trust you, but I don't trust the people around you. It's like driving, right? Like I may be the best driver, but the 10 other people around me on the road might be like crappy drivers and hitting into me or whatever. How do you then feel about that? Or how would you navigate

that? I think if we're talking something like, you know, attraction, like you worried about people hitting on your, your partner in the clubs. I think attraction is like a two way street. Like it really depends how you reciprocate and, and you know, reject people. Um So that's fine if your partner is comfortable with, you know, saying like, no, I have a, I have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend. Yeah, that's fine. But I think that overproduced doesn't really solve anything. Like

push people.

Yeah, it could push people away or like your partner will start thinking like, oh, he's treating me like a baby. I'm not a baby. So honestly, like if they were going to leave you for some random guy in a club. I don't think these guys had a chance anyway, you know. So

yeah, so yeah, this, this brings up a memory as well. Um I recall meeting my partner at a club. OK? And he was already there and when I walked in, I didn't tell him that I was already there. So I just showed up. I mean, I told him I was coming but like, I didn't tell him that I was already there. As I came up, I saw like three girls kind of flirting with him and like getting, yeah. Yeah, like really close.

So, you know,

so then I was like, oh wow, interesting because, you know, sometimes you think the worst but sometimes you think like, oh, your man is probably not doing anything at all. He wasn't doing anything. He was just kind of standing there. But, you know, these three girls were obviously trying to, I guess, scout around or whatever. And um I went up and I was like, oh, hey, and he immediately like, oh, hey, this is my girlfriend

it really depends, I guess, well, I guess within the context of relationship, I guess flirting would be. No. Well, but whatever you guys decide, yeah, definitely not acceptable. But sometimes people will talk to you in a club and like you, I guess you have to be friendly. You just don't want to be that stuck up person, like standing corner and not talking to anybody. So I think, yeah, talking is fine. Um, and it just really, I guess if you feel guilty doing it then you

when do you know to say like, oh, I'm seeing someone or like, oh, do you ever have to see that or you just kind of with your body language kind of?

I was in the club, I'm wearing my monk robes and my gigantic, you know, like cross. So I'm just like, you know, stay away, stay away, stay away my holy tone with me. I

might see that after like, five tequila shots. But

no, I guess, yeah, some, sometimes people can be really direct. What

was the most direct,

like, long time ago? I guess when I was like, playing nightclubs in LA, I guess people get like, there will be so many people backstage, there will be more people backstage than in the club. So it was just like a little party and then people on the dance floor, but there are more people in the party behind and then they were asked like they asked us really direct things like, oh shit. Where's your hotel? Is it here here? Can we go check it out? I'm like, why do you want to check up my hotel? I

Ok. So, but it's really up to your own, I guess, morals

really? Yeah. Yeah. If you feel wrong doing it, that's on you.

Yeah. So, as a person who enjoys going out, what are some tips you would say? I mean, you're in a, you're in a committed relationship, you know, and stuff and now looking back at your previous relationships, what have you learned from all of this? Because I'm sure that in your previous relationships you might have thought a little bit more about such things. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think sometimes when, you know, you're seeing other people and they don't really understand what you do. Um, like, I think I was dating this girl who had never set foot into a club till, like, 25 or 26.

How did that

go? How did the relationship go? I think. Terrible. These early days of my career, I was like, playing to nobody. I was playing to like, two people who came early, you know, and they got a little better at the end. But she would just be like, who talked to you today or like, who is with you? Like, are you alone right now? You have to set some kind of, um,

fun. So I just want to make it clear, like, just because we like staying out and like enjoying music doesn't mean that it's necessarily going to end in any sort of unsavory manner is that people

go to clubs for different reasons. I guess some people go there to sign contracts. Some people go there to, you know, flex, some people go to dance. Like, I know a lot of dancers or like b boys who just go to the club to like, get a workout and like sometimes they start a circle and it's like, really pop in

just going for cardio. That's my like, oh

yeah, I keep my phone on the step counter.

What is it? I'm so curious. I never keep my tracker on, I feel quite worked out after this. I

think an hour will get you maybe like 2000 steps or something. That's great popping around. Yeah.

So to everyone who asks what my workout routine is, that's honestly part of it. OK. Uh Before we wrap things up any last notes that you want to share um to dispel any sort of, I don't know, misconceptions about nightlife at all that you feel we haven't

addressed. I think the the nightlife scene in Singapore, especially Singapore is very varied and very deep. Like you can find lots of little pockets of whatever kind of genres you really like, like house techno, like trance dub, UK G, there's a lot of scenes everywhere of cool pop-ups. It's more than just like going to a club and buying bottles. So even if you think you really, you've never heard of the concept of going to a club to enjoy music, I definitely recommend, you know,

like you brought that up because uh recently I noticed there's been an insurgence of more smaller underground type sort of parties. People just don't really know about it because they are not maybe like widely publicized due to the smaller nature of it, right? So it's more like word of mouth or you see it on a post or something, a little more ticketed, maybe like 150 100 people kind of search which honestly is a

for listening guys. My name is Myrne. Just put out some new music. It's called Carousel. I'm going on tour in the US in August and be sure to follow. It's Clarity dot co on Instagram and tiktok.

Also, we're available on Spotify and Apple Podcast. Do follow us there and see you next time.