Welcome back to another episode of Men explain. I'm pretty sure you'll be quite excited about today's guest because I heard he's been voted one of the handsomest faces at this point in time? Please welcome Sean Tia. What's up?
Hello? Thanks sonia. Hello everyone. My name is Sean, I'm an actor and I'm also a content creator um and a full time dot parent
Lawrence. Okay, Okay. And you are what, Top 100 most handsome faces or something
who
did that research?
No, So like there was this day, I just got like a notification on my social media there. Like, so I think this competition called TC candler Okay, and
you got voted in? Great congrats, thank you so much. Have a very symmetrical phase.
I don't every do you look at my eyes like, you know,
I don't, I don't think it's pretty much the same, but today's topic is going to be quite interesting because I feel like we don't really talk about this that much. Us girls, we have a lot. We chat a lot, you know, we're always gossiping, telling each other our deepest darkest secrets. And I've always wondered at the back of my mind whether men have
similar conversations in there bro groups, you know? And more often than not, I met with this sentence, like it's the bro code, I won't tell like, you know, like we won't tell on our bros and all that. So I wanted to sort of unpack the whole concept of male friendships and the bro code. How do guys maintain their friendships? You know, so that exist for you though. right? It
does it does but like maybe a bit of disclaimer out there is that I I so this bro code thing I mean is there we all know about it but like I don't know if I'm the best person to talk about it also because I feel like I tread between like it's important and it's not important at the same time. So I come from a very neutral point of view if that makes sense. Yeah but like the bro code, I mean do we have examples?
Okay I'll give you an example, let's just say you and your best friend, your best guy friend okay he's in a relationship and you also know his partner
okay
and you guys hang on the same group all that. But because he was your best friend first, he confided in you and he told you he's so you know I've been cheating on so and so
that's a very heavy
and yeah let's do
it. Let's do it.
So so then in that case it's a bit of a moral dilemma.
What
would you do in that? Because you have to keep this friendship? I don't know bro code with him, you won't just go and tell his partner about it even though you're friends with with her right? So what would you do in such a
situation? I have a similar like a group of friends that I hang out. So I have like different group of friends and I actually my my circle of friends are very small maybe because I'm just very selective that well. Yeah and I have seasonal bros,
seasonal bros, I've never heard of this,
know like okay, so like let's say you're working on a project that is like six months long and of course like you for certain relationships right, that maybe this bro is like okay at this point of time you guys are very close and that's fine, you know? But I also have like life long bruise kind of thing. Yeah and I have, so I have this group of friends, it is, it is me and two other guys and one of the guys partner also, so four of us and I know the girl and the guy equally
very well very well
if he were to come and tell me that like he's been cheating and all that, I think okay, the bro code obviously is like oh you know, they always say like bros over hos what have you
heard that? Because
I don't subscribe fully to that I think like there's certain value in that like certain sense of what you call that camaraderie that but not not fully la um if let's say this bro, come and tell me like yeah I have been,
you know, I
think I'll ask him maybe where is he, where is his heart adverse, you know, like is he like remorseful, he wants to change or whatever but like the fact that I know about this thing I would advise him to like really just come clean because I don't believe in sweeping things under the
rug. I
don't believe in that I believe in like settling like at least 99% of things you have to at least like voice it out and settle it
as soon as you can.
Yeah and if he comes from a place that like okay like you know like we don't want to like you got to help me and I'll tell him like dude you better get your ship right now you have to I want to confess but at least you know really just check yourself and kind of come clean but when he's ready of course but I won't you know step over my boundary and then it
may not feel like it's in your place to go and tell. Yeah
I think that is the bro code that's the limit where I can put myself at that. I would tell him that you know you need to wake the hell up but not overstep that boundary
so so then then let's just say we switch the positions, what do you look for in a bro for example because for us girls right like we can sit down and talk about the same thing or the same guy problem for like six hours and I don't know whether it's the same for you guys but what do you look for in a good bro,
in a good bro.
Er
you know like maybe at my maybe in this season of life right? I feel like I have already seen enough people, most types of people, most of us and I feel like my friends, the friendship circle is already like kind of fixed, so if I were to meet a new guy, I'm assuming it's like a new person and like how would I induct him into my world? Right? I think wow, I don't know how would it go? Like is it easier for girls? Like to
know actually I think for girls is harder, so if we've already formed I can cite I am seeing all the producers like laughing behind the seats because it's true, you girls know it it's like if you've already formed this group, I'm not talking like mean girls, but it's quite like mean girls. So you already like in a
group right? And if there's a new chick that's going to be introduced in, I think you have to do a lot of boxes first before joining that group, like there's so many things and dynamic within the group and you've already sort of set that in stone with your friends which you've had for a long time that sometimes it introduced new people too quickly, it could cause a bit of friction amongst people, you know like why you hang out with her more than me. Like I thought I was your only friend.
I mean
yes, at least for my girl group. I don't know. Okay,
okay. Maybe
maybe, I don't know if it's the same for every girl group, but I see like in my own partner, um, they make friends with super easily. They're like, they come from poker game or something. There's like three new guys are like, so okay. Maybe they've got these activities that are easier to invite friends or friends and then they eventually become part of a bigger group,
but that is like surface level bruise, right?
Right? Not like not like decisions.
I feel like it's very easy, especially nowadays like we just like, you know, especially if you like forget someone's name and hey bro,
Oh my gosh, what the girls say?
Hey sis
it's your,
I don't know.
I just be like, hey friend and then trail off. Just be like, hey, long time I just saw you last week. That's a long time. Right
Guys, we have a lot of this kind of like surface bruise. Like when we meet them for the first time,
you know,
I don't, I don't do that. But
you guys do like the,
the, okay, there is a brew gesture.
But I mean I have another burning question like with us girls, you know, like I mentioned earlier, we are so open about a lot of our feelings. We pitch about people, our partners, whatever something went wrong or whatever, right? And sometimes we also cry like in front of each other. Like if things went wrong or we break up or we're going through a tough time. I think it's, it's only natural, you know, like your friends
are there for you and that's common. Feel free. So amongst a broad group, like, do you guys ever get to that vulnerable point where you physically actually break down or has that hardly happened?
Okay. So I only speak for like my group of friends, la and I think that I have a few lifelong bros that we grew up together, I think like we knew each other since we were 12 and we've just been just been playing the same game. Just been like talking about the same nonsense. Yeah. For like the past, how am I this year? 27 2015 years old for the past 15 years, we've just been like, just closed. Right?
And it's a very low maintenance friendship. What I mean by that is like, we don't, we don't have to like meet each other, you know, once we don't, in fact, most of the time, right? I would say we are close to a point where we don't have to
meet up constantly be a part of each other's
life. In fact, sometimes I look at their face. I know what they're gonna say. We're in sync
that way,
right? But then it's a very low maintenance thing that we don't, we don't have to like do a heart to heart talk. I think girls do that, right? And I think it's very nice. I think it's nice for guys too to to try to do more of these. Just like, maybe it's just harder for our walls to come down.
I agree. So it's so funny because I remember this quite clearly, um my partner and I had a fight and it was quite like a big fight. But now you ask, I forgot what it's about as with most fights. So we spent the day like not speaking to each other. And I went off to like, whine about it with friends over wine no less. And then he said, okay, like he's going to go meet a buddy, right? And we were still kind of just updating each other, like what's going on in 45 minutes inside. Okay. I'm done.
I was like, wait, what? I just, I was sitting there from lunch to dinner and I'm still not done talking about my feelings, but he was done.
It sounds about right, Less
than an hour. So after the dust settled and we, you know, stop fighting, was like, so what do you share with your buddy? Just 0.1 point 2.3 and then his body goes, okay, you should do this this and then that, and then, okay, let's go get coffee.
I really, really,
that's it.
I think maybe
females are more expressive. I don't know.
Maybe it's a little bit of a double agent sort right? Like guys we um I don't know this sexist or not. But most guys we really okay we want to settle things.
We get to the point,
we get to the point, we settle things. But maybe girls like to
share. Yeah. What about the context and the story behind it. Like, you know, and then like three days before this happened, you know like what happened? Like you know what I mean? Like you said the contact. I get it. I get it. Yeah.
I don't know. I think like in 45 minutes that is sufficient to cover everything. Okay, so maybe like with my guy friends, right? We be my brothers. Are we really cut straight to the point.
Okay, so then my question is if you guys are not talking about love, relationships, feelings, life stuff. Like what are you talking about most of the time? I'm very curious to know this in bro settings. What do guys talk about?
I think guys, okay. I mean say for my girlfriends, right? Like football, okay. Something like really lame to you. But like maybe you guys talk about like what manicure pedicure
similar
line, right?
Yeah.
And most of my guy friends, like why also say it's low maintenance friendship because we can literally just sit down and play FIFA for maybe like from like nine p.m. All the way into like five a.m. And we can just don't talk about it. Like
just just don't yeah
ha ha loser, you know that our next game?
Really?
I don't know, I think maybe it is, maybe there's like a culture that my girlfriends have you. No,
no, it's not the first time I think I've heard some other stories or
you know, maybe
you
don't talk about stuff, you know, you're trying to win some money, right,
okay, so on that note, I'm going to list out some would say assumptions about bro code, okay, And you tell me whether you think it's real or not, whether it's applicable
disclaimer? I mean, I speak for myself and myself only right now for all the guys in the world.
Yes, yes, yes, there's a lot of disclaimers, you
gotta be safe.
Okay, here are some examples of a bro code. Okay, being a good wingman,
do
you agree with that? Have you been a wingman before? I'm
a horrible wingman.
You're horrible wingman. Why
I'm so horrible because I have never approached, I think like wingman, right? Like that doesn't have to be a he
clearly hasn't had much experience in being a wing man.
No, heaven. Like can you give me an example?
Like, okay, like you guys are partying you and your bro walking around and he goes, hey that goes cute and
like what
should I do? I'm sure
he doesn't think I'm the worst person to talk about this because I don't like to like party and all that. I've been to a club less than five times,
I think. Really?
Yeah, I have never. And every time I go to the club is to is for a reason for either work or live to drag my friend out. Right? Yeah.
And so what if you're trying to set your friend up with someone? You've never actually done that?
I've never done that. Let's say my friend asked me to do something for him so that he can approach the girl easier. I think I can do that. Just nobody has ever asked me for
that. You get that the goal like you instead.
Yeah, I don't want to maybe, you know, honestly, maybe
maybe think, okay, we're going to clip this out and send your guy friends not to ship anything. But wait, I never asked you this then. How did sidetrack, How did you meet Senior?
I met Senior. True, true.
Someone okay to work
through projects. And yeah, it was like, I mean, we met at work and then I just spoke to her and that's the thing that I I find it very hard to approach girls to like, okay, I'll give you a scenario, okay, just like, let's say you're at a bar drinking and all that, which don't really happen for me because I don't like to drink, right? I
so if
let's say I see a pretty girl and I want to approach her, right? I cannot. I just don't know how So, so
you've never actually approached a person? I
tried once La I think I was in a club last time with my friends and then like,
did it work?
I felt a little bit of formal because like, my friends were like, you know, talk to that girl for me, I'm just like okay for more, I got to do something so I tried and
then I want to know the result
absolutely trash.
You faded out into the darkness behind you, like, just
remember it was it was so that that 30 seconds felt like, like 30 days are so awkward, you know, like, I don't know, she looked at me, I look at her and then like shouting very loud,
I what's your name?
I just cannot. Yeah, I feel like we if ever let's I I meet someone like was a senior, right? We are friends first and then we grow we grow from there, but I can never just like, meet someone like that and have a very powerful relationship, I can never do that.
We're very opposite in that sense. Like a lot of my ex boyfriends were from like parties, clubs and it was all like literally like that, like
you carry on after
that we just like we exchanged numbers and then maybe we could text for a while and then maybe we'll see each other again at the next thing. Then they asked me out or they asked me already, I don't know. Okay, the next one. Next one is example another example of a brokered ex girlfriends or sisters are off limits.
Yeah, okay so this I agree. I feel like I feel like there is a certain boundary to that if let's say bro to come and tell me like oh you know I just broke up with this girl, then I then let's say three months later I come into the picture and I'm dating this girl isn't a little bit so
it is weird
like that then then the question is that how long have I like this girl before already? So
many questions
so I think like that has Okay, I have another story, right? That it's kind of similar but it's also not fully but this this one I mean I was very young, right? I was like 15 I think. I don't even know, you can count this as a like relationship things,
I'm ready to hear it regardless. So
When I was like around 15 I met this, I met this girl through my best friend and then we were kind of like talking texting each other last time, right? Like just like sms each other and then um she was giving me this signal like I mean like text me right? Like of course
you want to feeling a vibe from her.
Yeah, and I'm a little bit slow at it but I could catch, they're like yeah,
yeah
And then we're talking well you know we're just texting you know everything class four you're
looking waiting for. Yeah,
and I feel like maybe there's something going on right? And so that went on for like a good, I don't know, maybe like half a year or something, right? And all this time, my bro, my best friend like never say anything also, maybe because we don't confide in each other about these kind of things, right? So there was this time right when it was valentine's day, then last time there's this um there's this shop rite called
like tiny
Toon you
know
those big flashes, you
know? Yeah,
so she was saying oh I love this, this your
you know we
need to put in now, okay by that and it's kind of like gigantic size. So I brought it over then I I went to a house valentine's day, surprise her
right,
showed up. I waited for like an hour I showed up and she was walking towards me but then right beside her it was my best friend,
oh my gosh
and then they were holding hands, they
were holding hands,
they were just like very close proximity, I cannot remember they were holding hands just coming or when I'm and I'm like happy valentine's day but then like while doing that I'm just like I look at my friend, I'm like what's up? What's up? And then, okay, I cut a long story short, I only found out, right? Actually, my best friend has been dating her for like a year
And No one said anything.
No, no one said anything. Like I I never because I never actually spoke to my best friend about discount things
and like, but
you're dating someone I should know about it, but only apparently guys don't talk about
maybe until it's like serious or something. But yeah, it
is, it is. And I realized that like this where things get a little bit more complicated. I realized that I'm not even a third party. No. Yeah, so my best friend was dating this girl,
okay. But
then this girl right, was also talking to my best friend's best friend,
which is, you
know, it's not me, like I'm not even the party, I'm the fourth party, you know,
best friends, best friend,
Yeah, best friends, But I mean
you're not your best friend's best friend.
I know him from church, right? And his best friends from school for example.
So you are the other best friend
and the other best friend. Yeah. And then like, so so that that's the girl, my best friend, my best friend's best friend, and I'm the fourth party,
wow, this girl we need to give her an award, like this normalizing it not, you
were just like, you know, puppets man dance
for us. I
think like from that day onwards, right? I realized that like, actually, oh my goodness, guys really don't talk about things like as openly as a girl would
see that's the thing, you know, within the first few weeks even, or even the first time we met, we meet someone that maybe we find cute or whatever. I'm immediately telling my friend about it,
like immediately
immediately. And like by the way, I met this guy, you know, like we might be going out. Maybe, maybe not. We just update each other and every time we meet or like have drinks or whatever, they'll be like, so what's the update? Even though it was just like two days ago, right? That we spoke to each other.
Yeah. What's funny about like this right? Is I can relate and like, okay, I like that. Right? But my best friends, right? We usually tell each other very, very surface stuff and my brothers are like three of us. We would just say like, wow, chills here. Yeah, you chose. Yeah. Or like, wow, very big something, right? But we won't go into details, you know, we don't think
about her hair obviously,
of course, you know,
like hair. Lots of secrets.
Yeah, her palm.
Yeah.
Like, wow, so, so hot. You know that
kind of thing. And
then maybe we don't meet each other for like maybe like four months because it's a low maintenance, right? And the next thing I know that together. And then I'll be like
you the in between.
Yeah,
It just goes from 0-00. And by the way, this is a summary. I'm getting married. I
won't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised because that, that's what happened for me and like me and senior as well. Did
you tell your bros that you were going to?
Okay. So like over the span of, let's say over the span of, let's say, a year, I think I so maybe the first time before me and senior we got together, right? I said like, maybe I told them like, of course or
less, no less.
I think this girl is very suitable for me. Yeah. And suitable
for me? Also,
she is right for me. She's good for me. And then maybe like a couple of months later, it's like, okay, I really like this girl. Yeah. And next time it's like, okay, we're getting married. What?
I don't get it for us. I can send a five minute voice note. Okay, you're watching right now? You don't get to judge. Okay. I know you're nodding away and you're probably agreeing with me on this. We can send each other like voice notes. And we're like analyzing it. And then we're like, so what are your thoughts? Then they'll send back another five minute voice note and you want to meet later and we start all over again from the top, you know?
So that's just the way that some of our groups work I guess.
That's nice love. But like also
a waste of time is it? No,
no, no definitely, definitely not a waste of time. I think it's like really sweet but I just find like there is a barrier like in in the world like the guys
break that you only very few straight men that are in my group of friends have been able to really talk about this and yet at the same time they're talking about it to us like to the girls. So I don't actually know whether he's talking about it this way to his bros. You know what I mean?
I get it, I get it. Maybe maybe guys are just not in general are not great listeners to begin
with is it? I
don't know like maybe when you speak your partner about work issue like I think that the natural kind of like response for them is like okay do you do this? Have you done that? You know they want to solve
things right, Right.
But I think for girls
right? You know what jerry is always like here's the solution. 0.1 point 2.3 and I'm not looking for a solution. I just want you to hear me bitch. Like I understand, I
understand. I think like for guys really that is the first thing that comes to our mind like
you I want to try and fix the problem.
I mean if you were to ever come to you know come okay But I mean I have learned how
to try
my best to endeavor to do my best to be a little bit more sensitive. Okay. Yeah at least listen. And then like maybe I'll ask her like do you want my advice or do you just want to like it here? Yeah but like in the world guys you don't do that one right? You don't like no usually just stripped like just quit the job.
It's so simple. There's a solution to everything summarize
lovely. Just summarize everything. Yeah.
Okay I feel you on that. I don't disagree. Okay. The next one is it's quite similar to
what
I mentioned earlier but the other way. So if you catch a bro's wife or girlfriend or partner cheating, would you inform him straight away?
Am I close to my bro
bro? Yeah
partner.
Oh okay that makes a difference. Also. Right okay. Let's say you just you just know her because you know she is your partner. You just know her through your
bro. Okay then I'll see like where my bro is at in terms of like say um my mental
health. Okay. See if you can handle it
you know like because it's like with my usual rose right? Yeah I'll just I'll just tell him like
maybe the
most I do sit him down and and really give him some context and then tell him what I feel about it, what I saw. Um But I will never understand the boundary to tell, tell him like why you gotta break out. You know, like you must break out. I would tell him like what I think he should do, maybe maybe what I should do. But more like if you don't do this right, what's gonna happen if you do that, what's gonna happen? And then let him decide for himself?
And I think also that we mustn't forget a lot of couples have gone through situations like that partners cheating on each other, whether they try to mend it and they try to move forward. And sometimes it's successful in certain situations as well, like you never know what they're going through in their own personal life in that sense. Yeah. So it's very
difficult to judge in these moments, right? But if you were in your shoes, would you want to know if your partner was spotted outside holding hands with someone or
getting a bit too
close to someone out there?
I think well sometimes, you know, like ignorance is bliss,
right? But that's the thing.
Um I'd rather not hear from anyone else other than my partner, even if it's my brew,
honestly.
But I also understand that actually, I mean if your partner is never going to come clean to you and then your Bruno's about it. Actually, he kind of has a duty to break the news to you la but for me, my personal preferences that I'd rather not know about it. But if let's say like a friend, okay I'm just going to throw your example. My friend is with this girl, this girl is treating my friend and like he's let's say she's using him for like maybe personal gains like oh money or whatever.
Then I'll
just go straight, I'll
go straight. I think I've told my, yeah my best friend a few times like wow this is I mean this girl is
just like
super reflect
what was the result of
that. You know guys like
oh
bro you're right.
Oh my God that's it. I
think I think guys especially like the bruises go like we don't ever force each other to make a decision or do something but we will just just be them like very copy bro. You should not, you should not know what really, you should, you should regret. You
know that's
how we pressure. I feel like girls are just You think of like one thing but you can say like 10
things but we
think of 10 things but we can
say one thing,
I think that is the hour where we kind of like four short life you
know, But I think on the flip side we sometimes over analyze also you know for sometimes when we talk a bit too much about one thing, we might be breaking it down too much, we might over analyze and then cause other questions and other issues and then overthink and then spiral and then at the end, you know like your two wine bottles down and no solution. That sounds familiar. Yes. Okay. The next one is actually examples of girl quotes.
Okay. I
don't know if you will, maybe I'll have more to say about this, but see if you have anything you can contribute to this one. Okay, so unspoken girl code rules always check in when your girl is on a date with a new guy. Yes, I agree with that.
Okay. Yeah.
Um Never let your girlfriend go to the bathroom alone especially when she's drunk. It's true. I think all my girlfriends take good care of each other, especially at clubs and all that kind of stuff
agree.
Never flirt with your friends crush or boyfriend.
Yeah, for
sure. For sure. Have you ever experienced this before?
I think I did like like and it's just so awkward because no. Okay. There's a girl called.
Yeah,
but it can be,
can be the other way. Can be the other way. Yes, for sure. What if the tables were turned, How would you feel about
that? Have you experienced this?
You mean like someone else's partner?
Let me be like you're interested in someone then like your your girlfriend just
like
she overzealous wing woman.
No, no, not exactly, but a friend's boyfriend has flirted
before.
Yeah. Which was quite messed
up. Like overly friendly or kind of like
it was kind of borderline with like borderline anyway. Like they're not together anymore. Not because of me though. Like I think it's just his own, their own problems or whatever.
So how how can you tell if someone is like flirting?
I think it was also under the influence of alcohol, right? People tend to get very, you know? Yeah, you kind of like lose control of, I don't know, thinking yourself and you don't think too much. But he was saying like some suggestive things
like sexual stuff
in a more private setting, like, hey, do you
wanna um
Yes, so apparently like I wasn't the only person that he was talking like this to like other girlfriends also said that he will be like that. But maybe
no, but like if the person is drunk and he does that right then.
But it's not an excuse though, right?
No, it's not. It's like, it just amplifies what he's been hiding, right?
What he's really thinking,
isn't it? I don't know like when you're drunk, usually you will be a little bit more truthful.
It's true in a way, in a way, but you're also unconscious, right? So I don't know whether you mean it,
I feel like whatever. There's sit when the person is drunk, right? There's
always
something truth. Maybe he's already been thinking of some things. Is
that why you don't drink so
much. I don't like to lose control myself.
That's really good actually. I really like that.
I mean, because I never know like what I'm going to do and I don't like that feeling. Yeah, I want to be in control myself. I just, but of course I have been like drunk, but in the setting of my own house
amongst people that you trust and
just like myself.
Okay. I want to
see how I react when I'm drunk.
Okay, video, video, video. We need
long deleted. Okay, I'll say this kind of thing. So
I don't know anyone who has done that ever
because I want to know how I am like when I'm drunk, but okay, of course it would be different if my friends are around. I'm sure
that's very interesting. I'm going to do that some day, but I have a feeling I don't want to watch that footage.
I'm sure you wouldn't
go to clown after you watch it. You're like, goodbye alcohol forever, is it?
Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But you know what, going back to that question, Maybe a bro, Okay, let's exclude alcoholic. He's a little bit more like, um, showing signs to my partner.
Okay, Like being a little too,
you know, and then I'm a very straightforward person. Okay, I will call him out, but maybe not in front of everyone like him aside,
like, like
what's going on? You, you know,
once again, very direct,
like what you're trying to do. Yeah, but I have met with situations like that. but I think most of my friends in my growth like friend circles, like they are very well controlled people
and you guys respect each other I'm sure.
Yeah. If like I mean one were to step out of line or then bye bye wow. Yeah, I think I'm very, yeah,
straight to the point.
That's yeah, that's a good and bad thing. Yeah.
Okay. The next question is you're not allowed to have sex with someone your friend has had sex with before,
you're not allowed to have sex with
someone that your friend has banked before,
wow.
In your friend group. No, this has never happened. Okay, so I'll give you an example. Sure not me, not me, but another group of friends like. Yeah, so it's just a group of
guys
um And one of the girls that was introduced to this group was actually dating one of them initially and then she got introduced to this group um Obviously she's already bang this
guy, but
she ended up getting together with another guy in the same group and also start with him. So then the two guys are still bros
though, They're
still friends. Is that weird?
I think so
it's weird. Is it I found it a little strange
but was there a relationship that kind of blossomed after that or was it? What? What? I
Know, so she actually got together with the 2nd guy. Yeah after that, so the guy that actually introduced her to the group didn't end up with her, but he did say that they hooked
up and
the other books like, okay, he got over in like five seconds. I don't know what the mentality is behind it or whether that's something you might keep in your mind for a long
time. I okay, I'm not the best person to talk about this because like, I I feel like, okay, no more. I don't believe in that one extent. I just cannot get that concept.
Okay,
you have to be like, really drunk. I don't know. I really don't know. But like, if, let's say, my friend has an ex partner that like, of course they had like, maybe like intimacy with before and I were to be with that partner after they like, broken up. Right? I will find it weird. Or so
it would be strange.
It would be really strange, but I don't think it is. It's like a no, no, nothing. It's just it would be weird. Like there will there will be
images of not just so you know what we're going to say,
like, you know, when we're hanging out together, then there will always be this attention
is doing
a flash kind of thing. Like yeah,
like some tension that you can't get rid of you.
Maybe you think like, wow, am I better sex or you better?
Right?
I mean, these are possible. Never happened to me before.
Disclaimer. I really
I really don't know,
But the 10th disclaimer, Sean has done, you
know, just disclaiming, but I mean like, I think guys will over kind of like think about these kind of things also like
it would definitely put a strain on the relations of friendship
for
sure.
Um but this will be very unspoken, Yeah, in fact we might not even bring it up, but it's just
this, this reminded me of a situation in the past, so it's in the same group of in the group of girlfriends and one of the girls was actually quite crazy about this guy that she met at a party and they seemed like they were getting on well they were meeting quite a lot, you know, sometimes he would come and join us and all that, but they were never exclusively dating, they never said that they were dating, it was just casual and then we came out as a group again
the next time where this guy was introduced to r bigger group of friends and he started hitting on another girl in the
group. Oh, alright, yeah,
like he was quite open about it, so he didn't, he didn't talk about the exclusivity with the other girl or anything. But anyway, instead of girl getting angry with him, she actually got angry with her friend,
so
she actually turned around and said like you already knew that I am into this guy, so why did you go ahead and talk to
him? You
know what I mean? So instead of directing her anger at the she's like directing at a friend instead and their relationship was like never the same again after that, but
I agree. Do
you agree? So
the new girl like she knows about like
she doesn't really I mean she kind of knows yet doesn't really know, but nothing really happened. He was just being very friendly with her and ask her for her phone number and I think she didn't realize that they were dating or something.
I feel like a girl and guy, right? Like they had something exclusive and they talked about and if the third party knew about it right, then I think it's wrong for her
to
like she is not wrong, but it's like breaking the girl code, you know,
okay, but then the guy is not in the wrong guy
is I mean, so I think it comes down to like have they established this exclusivity because if they haven't then I feel like everyone is free to do what
they want your shot with anyone
because like you know maybe less I go on a date with you right? And for me, I want to get to no you before you, wow, I want to marry
this guy. I
think that's where we start off is wrong and whatever happens next after that like I shouldn't be accountable for what your thoughts are
true, true.
So I feel all these things must be kind of like communicated well
and also
if the girl and I mean the two girls are friends, you guys should talk about that right? But if it is already communicated like wow this girl, I really like that guy, but then that goes to reciprocate
again, then
I think it's pretty messy. I think that's wrong.
Okay, well I mean you know talking about friendship and all that kind of stuff also, you know before we wrap it up brings me to the question of morals, right? So if you are in a friend group and you know you guys talk about everything, is it very important to you that everyone shares the same or similar moral values. You know like if you had a really close friend
but he's
like a player like that doesn't really sit with sit well with your own values and morals, would you continue being friends with him? You know?
Okay, so like I feel like if there are any um any new group of friends or new group of bros that I were to meet and all that, I feel like that is a must
to be on the same page
to be on the same page. Like um like the way we think about money, the way we think about relationships, I feel like we should be yellow on the same page because I feel like you are who you hang out
with, yeah you're the average of the five people to hang out with, correct
and like the books you read and the people you meet, you turn you to become that person. And I feel like if there is a group of friends that is new, we have to be on the same page. Yeah. Like for example, I don't I don't condone. For example, like great example. I I don't know like maybe in their group of friends, I will look for the same things. But if it's like my friends from like childhood, right? Obviously we grow up a little bit different, have different lives
and all that. I
can condone like whatever new thoughts that they may have. Yeah, but like maybe not to the point where by I really, really like object um let's say like my friends would come and tell me like, well I like what's morally wrong? I enjoy cheating.
Okay, I don't think has anyone ever said, I don't think anyone has rightly said that.
I believe that I should have multiple partners. You know, I'm like
mary woman turned me on or something. I don't know.
Look at it. Look at a pregnant lady.
Wait, what? We were not pregnant, you
married woman? You know? And then they get all like, wow, you know, pharaoh and horny and all that, right? Then maybe you
might just be like, it's a situational basis sort of thing. So on that note, have you ever ended a friendship because you don't align with your friend's beliefs, morals or you just can't agree with what he's doing.
You
have
I have I have you
have, how did that go?
I mean I'm like I said I'm a very straightforward person,
very direct, very direct
and when I feel like someone is um I don't want you to be toxic but maybe not um not just not good for me, you know he can be a good bro to another person but maybe if it's not for me I will just kind of like
how do you end a friendship?
I mean if I have to kind of tell him that I'll just tell him all that like you know what I feel like
this isn't working.
Yeah it's
like a break up break up break up.
I think I think maybe more like if there if nothing happened like there's no trigger but I just feel like I want to pull out of it, I would just kind of like goes the person, if the person would ask me like why we ever hang out bro, you know why we go to supper and I'll just say like no thank you. Like I think it's nice to know you a lot but like you know if let's say this period of my life I might not wanna hang out too much with
a person like yourself. Ah I think I've said that before but not a lot of times like usually I just goes to the person
I think like the gesture of not really responding or ghosting or not anticipating in their group gatherings in itself is already a sign,
right? It's a signal
like that.
I just don't
prioritize this group or this person anymore and perhaps this group or this person doesn't make me feel treasured or good as a person as a friend, you know? And
there's nothing wrong, there's nothing wrong about it. I think maybe like as we move into adulthood right? Maybe.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I
know but like you know maybe as
you mature
mature or like maybe some younger audience they might still have a little bit of issue letting go of friendships, certain relationships actually I would say that like it's just very normal to move on from certain groups of friends.
It's very true and as you get older as well your friend group kind of goes smaller in size slowly and gradually. Right?
Yeah and I think that's absolutely normal but like it depends on how much you want to keep hold of um certain friendship with my best friends, it's the three of us. Right,
okay, here we go. Yes, give me their names and birth dates.
I
know
but for so we don't really talk to each other about like very touchy stuff but there was once one of them actually asked me outline and then we went to a nearby like Petruchio, sit down there in Maggie and just talk about life and he was just sharing that like out of the blue, like I've been facing a little bit of trouble and then as a guy, trouble, what you need, you come and
but
then he started showing me like I've been like, I find it very difficult to sleep, you know? And I've been through like a very depressive cycle.
Yeah,
so that was the I have to share this story because I feel like that's the first time I ever felt like my friend was vulnerable to me, even though I've been his best friend for like back then, like maybe like what, 12, 13, 14 years and
never feel like incorrect
and maybe like through the years we drifted apart, we close to each other, we drifted apart. We come back because we had never like talked about this country.
So
that moment was quite special for me as a brewer, right? Because he kind of like, number one, I've never seen him so vulnerable. Number two, I felt like I was partly responsible because I drifted away and I never like kind of like
reached
out, How are you? You know, I just assume that everything is fine if you don't talk about it. But guys, you know, I think was very real.
I
know like it's very hard to talk to, you know, to to another bro about your feelings, your mental health and all that. But I think we should try to, we should try
to be more expressive, more
expressive because the moment I heard about that, right? Actually I didn't cry a lot of course because a bit pricey but my heartstrings were a little bit like,
yeah.
You know, if only I knew, you know, could I have done something better? Yeah. Why did I drift away for a while? That kind of feeling? Yeah. Sorry, I just had to share that.
That's a great story actually. And I think to summarize or rather to wrap that portion up, I think it doesn't hurt to just drop someone a message today and ask them like how you doing, how's it going or even if it's someone that you lost touch with, you know, it could be like, hey, just checking in or reaching out and I think you definitely did that probably moving forward.
I did
closer to you now. Like
I do, I mean like it's still a low maintenance friendship. Yes. But I think it makes talking about these things easier.
It's true. It's like a cactus, right? Like you don't really have to water it so much. It's quickly on the outside, but like can sustain on its own. Yeah. Okay. Got you. Just compared your bestie to a cactus but it's all good. Thanks so much for joining us on this episode.
Thank
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