Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of men. Explain. Thank you so much for coming back, week after week for our new episodes. If you haven't already subscribed, please do so send it to all your friends and your family. Let them know there's good content right here. Now, today, I haven't actually met our guest in person till this moment. And I really want to get deep with this conversation here. Watch a couple of his videos and one that I picked up most recently got me
pretty emotional. At the same time, I was like laugh crying. Welcome to the set right here. Tell our audience a little bit more about yourself.
Yes. My name is Ria Content Creator and I recently actually opened a video production house and doing that. I also quit my job. Yeah,
I heard I heard, how's that been? Is it liberating
or the day that I finished serving my notice? I was like, oh, there's so much like relief and like the burdens from your shoulders were gone. But then there's also like new burdens because start up. Yeah,
good on you for taking that deep as well. And we're here today to chat a little bit more about some touchy topics I feel not addressed enough. Do our body parts define our identity and who we are and the reason why we've got right here here in the studio, you've got a lot to share and just watching your recent video alone where you shared about your cancer journey. It was very difficult to watch at the same time. It was emotional yet you had the lighter side of
things to that video too. I could tell you you processed a lot already. Can you take us through that journey and your recovery and all that? Just to catch up a little before we start
going back when I, I just got diagnosed, right? It was very tough for me because I it was the same week that I moved out.
Yeah. So in your video, you mentioned that a lot of things were happening at
once. I wanted to just be the man that I can be that kind of thing, right? And then when I got the diagnosis, I was like, oh shit. Now I have to depend on people again, you know, that kind of thing which I to me, I didn't like being taken care of. I want to be the one taking care of my family, that kind of stuff. So and there was also that particular like part in
my brain. I was like, maybe I don't tell them. No. Yeah. No, there was there was a part of me just like, maybe don't tell, I mean, how hard can cancer be? Right then. Ok, this guy, I tried, I tried, I tried for a week but then I, we just don't, you
need, you need to, you need to get up and you mentioned that you actually told your mom on the phone. Yes. Yes. Yes. How did she take to that? Look, I tell you my relationship with my family, right? Like if I get a cut, I have to tell them immediately they rush down like they are that kind of people. It's they will overreact. Like the
same thing is the same thing that I had. My mom was like, no, we need to go down. I'm like, no, I scolded her on the phone because I'm like, if you come, I will cry. I get
where you're coming from though. Like you don't want to unlock the whole well of emotion.
Correct. Correct. I wanted to be like just you just get on with it, take out the whatever CS that is, is not working, you know, that kind of thing and just get through it, but I'm so
happy to see you. Thank you. Well, today, you greats, greats and you're here with us here in the studio as well. Was it difficult to consider talking about testicular cancer on a public platform
being the content creator that I am. He was
like, I make a video
obviously I had that thought when I see like the content space right now there has been in recent years, people talking about like sickness and like going through the journey, right? But in Singapore not much. And I think it's also maybe a very Asian mindset that we don't talk about health. I do get comments like why you put this online. Right. Right. Which is like, it sucks because I'm not, I didn't ask for the I I obviously I'm a content creator. So like, you know, if the
views are more then obviously is great, right? But then it's also like, I didn't really do it for the film, but more so like when I was going through it, I didn't have anybody to relate to. And that's to me what content creators aspire to be, to be able to connect to an audience. My friends were very supportive, my family was supportive, right? But it wasn't like
they know they know how it is. Only my chemo buddies, like the ones that sit beside me doing chemo, then we were able to like chit chat about these kind of things.
I watched your video and just looking at the comments alone, there's so much support pouring in like 600 plus comments right now. I think at this point in time, like and it was really brave of you to post about that because I think also to a certain sense, men feel very p to talk about these things. How do you gonna talk about your balls? Like on youtube?
That's not easy at all. Right. And I mean, the way that you delivered it was very, matter of fact, was very casual, but also because you've already been through it, I
had a lot of time to process it really, like months. Yeah. But if I were to do it, like, in the beginning it would just be like, it's basically like the why me mentality, why me? I never do anything. I was the best son, you know, that kind of shit, right? So I did have time to process everything. So that's good. And I didn't want to dwell too much on the sadness
when you were going through that entire process. Did you think I'm gonna be less of a man after this entire ordeal?
Definitely when they were cutting me out of the or I was still drugged up. So I was just like when the drugs were off, I started to cry, it was a realization that I had one body part gone, right? Although not as not like late or whatever, right? But it still like a part of your identity like in that sense to me at the time, I may not be able to have kids. And also, I mean, during the sexual intercourse, people are like my partners will ask what happened to the other one, you know,
the kind of thing. Yeah. So that's that also weighed down on me.
So, on that note, I mean, if you don't mind me asking, only if you don't mind me asking ever since you went through the medical procedures and everything. Have you been physically intimate with anyone? Yes. And how did it go?
Funny enough, they never ask questions. So it's all in my head actually because before the surgery, right? Like actually the, the reason why I want, I've always been advocate for being transparent and like all these right? Because one of the reasons why I knew it was cancer was because my partner at that time did say something about a or something wrong, right? Because I don't do the check myself or which, which everybody should do after
the surgery, right? I always had this thinking like, oh sh people gonna ask even if they don't say, even if they don't say right, I'm like, I'm sure they are in their head. Like what this guy only got one ball, you know thing, right?
OK. But you're over, you feel like you're overthink, correct
and that whole ball issue, that whole height issue. I think all my, all my partners have never said like, oh you're too short kind of thing or like or you have one ball because I also do have existing body image issues already. So this is another thing like piling up. I'm like shit, man. I'm less of a man already. And then just because of this then I also like
it piles on Yeah.
II I do think that it's not as intense as what women have to go through because I mean, women body image issues is like a whole thing, right? And when women have to go through body image issues, it's always like to be skinny or I mean, it changes
so influenced by what we see in the media or like we want to look at this model or
unrealistic. The male version is slightly more forgiving like you can be a bit more like chubby and they were just a dead board. Any kind of thing. Mind stems from weight and height. Yeah, because yeah, so I'm a shock king.
Hey, but there have been a couple of short kings out there that made it really. Exactly.
But before they went viral and the trend, right? Last time being a short guy is not the most ideal what you want to be like taller because the standard of beauty for men is you have to be tall, dark and handsome, right? I have the other two,
the other two. That's right. I don't disagree.
So I'm not tall. So there was something that hindered me in my dating processes as
well. Then just did petite girl.
No, even the P goes one the tallest man, the one that looked like the eating the giant carrot that
me. Yeah, I know I to struggle with those things, as you can tell, I'm also a small person, I think being petite or shorter as a girl is not as bad as for men. I've got a couple of shocking friends as well and they are trying to embrace it. But it is a deep insecurity. It's not something that you can change. Us. Being in the media. Sometimes we may get comments. I'm not sure if you've experienced any. Not so nice. Your comments.
No comments. What on my platform,
God sometimes? Yeah. So there have been a couple of times people like, oh you're such an airplane runway or like, oh you're so short or you're so this there have
been actually speaking of like social media like the airport runway thing, casual, very casual. Has the comments ever like affected you?
Definitely, definitely. And I always, I always think about this moment years ago when I just joined the industry, right? And I got my first magazine cover. This magazine doesn't exist anymore because it shut down like literally after I did discover maybe my copy so badly. They were like, ok, but we were out I was super insecure because actually I didn't think much about my body type or the way that I look last time because I didn't expect to go into media. It wasn't
what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a journalist, I just wanted to like write and be behind the scenes. So when I first got that magazine cover, I was like, OK, like, OK, I, I'll do it but maybe can we, you know, style it in a way where it's not so really healing, I guess. Because is it, don't worry, don't worry, trust us, everything's ok. We'll do a little bit of shading, contouring. You're good. So, so I was like, ok, actually looks pretty good. Like, hello.
I have boobs for once and then the magazine came out. They did a bit of di or that. Ok, I'm not gonna lie. I mean, it wasn't as, it wasn't that revealing my colleagues back then guys, by the way, who do not work at my station anymore. In fact, one of them recently got into trouble won't say where or what or who this person is. But you might
know this person. So they actually got a copy of the magazine and they vandalized it and they wrote things like Airport Runway and like blah, blah, blah and all that. And they said, and they posted it on Facebook and I took it as a joke because I was the newest person there and I just like, laughed it off and I was like, ha ha. Like, you know, I just have to take it in my stride and be a big girl about
it because I don't want to seem affected. But of course, back then I felt like, wow, they single handedly just ruined that moment for me because I was kind of excited to see the cover or, like, have this magazine and they just kind of squashed it. You know,
if that happened to me, I would have been upset, been upset. Obviously you upset. I was upset for sure. I don't know. Maybe I would have done the surgery.
Yeah. No, I mean, I know some friends who have done gone, I mean, good for them. Good for you. Like, you can make your own decisions and if that makes you more confident and happier, then that's good. You had
this experience, right? What was your coping mechanism? My
coping mechanism was just to be by myself. And I read a lot, like I read a lot of books. It's very weird now because you're looking at me now here doing this job and you're probably like, wow, this is, this is not expected, but I really think I lean a lot on my family, like I'm very close to them, lean a lot on them, told them everything, you know. So I think that was something that was crucial to my development years as well.
Ok? I just want to say this, you're beautiful, you're
handsome
than you just now when you step in I starr, you know, legit, legit. That's why, that's why I a bit nervous. Is
it not nervous anymore? This guy calling himself handsome on our show, by the way, is this something that you open up about with your guy friends? Like, do you talk about it? Do you ever open up? Really? Because amongst girls, right? I mean we always bitch and whine and moan about how we look. You don't talk about that with your man
friends. I think it's not like talking about it but we teach each other. You do. It's like more weight I think because the he one is a, is a, is a more sensitive issue for guys because what you can change but my guy friends will like put me on my stomach because I got a stomach. It's fun and games. But also after all like deep, deep.
But you know, when it comes to comparing ourselves with others, right? When we look at social media and all that, do you think being in the media has accelerated your insecurities in a way as well?
Yes. The fact that you see yourself more often like even the zoom I think, do you know the zoom effect? Like how during the COVID? Everybody started to be more aware of what they look like and then the rate of plastic surgery went up during it? Really? Yeah. Correct me if I'm wrong, I don't know that it really did went up because people were like seeing yourself on hyper, then they were like, oh shit, my eye a bit, a bit wonky, you know, that kind of
thing. But for men to, aside from just physical appearance, do you guys talk about sexual performance? And I scored this, I score that that adds on to your ego and the way that you are, you feel about yourself. I, I
do think that it was a young man thing. Yeah. You still young. What? I'm a millennial but last time when growing up, like 2020 plus that kind of thing, right. That one was more of like, it's a thing because you were flex like I be bla bla bla the kind of thing. Right? But now it's also like you're more mature, you're less childish. I also subscribe to the don't, was it? I don't kiss and tell. Oh
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't kiss and tell with your friends. Even
for example, if I let them meet this particular girl, right, then they will have their own preconceived notion because of what I say before. I like don't wanna but
girls tell girls everything I know
and that's the scariest part, right?
So you know that girls tell everything I know. Ok, so I feel bad because we really tell the nitty gritty details.
Women are more, they share more stuff and like they're more emotional. So like in terms of like they share the emotion stuff but men because of like maybe society and we are not allowed to share emotions and share whatever last. But of course, like my friends do, we do talk about other stuff are not like our partners but more so like life goals and stuff like that, which is, which is which is great. Like it's not like shallow, it's
not shallow. Do these body insecurities that we have also affect our sex life and our, I don't know, our intimacy in general.
Definitely. Yeah, I think because we, we always put an emphasis on like this one is the size thing, right? This is the thing that guys, they don't talk about it. I don't talk about it, but they always in your mind is like, am I adequate? Am I average? Right? It's the same thing as he is all about size, right? The bigger the better.
Do you really think bigger is better?
Honestly? Now, I now I know that it's not the truth, right? There's, there's a term called, can I say? Yeah, please go ahead. There's a term called boyfriend and there's a reason why because you match, right? It doesn't have to be the biggest but you just match like a match made in heaven in a sense. He yeah, you can like plug, you can plug but in the dating world, I guess you just want to be the bigger to us. Like you want to be bigger. You want to be the most muscular. You
want to be the richest. You just want to be
everything. Yeah. Well, how do you then navigate through all these body image insecurities that you had? You said you want to try and accept some of them? Yeah. Yeah. Do you also try and I don't know, work out or
my goal has always been Chris Hemsworth. I see. Definitely gonna see going, how is it going to reach that? Because like he's too buff how to fit in this small body. The one that, that's more attainable is like Tom Holland because he also shocking
and look at his girlfriend and then, and she's taller than him. Right. I'm not wrong.
So I'm for me as well. Right. Like dating, I have dated girls who are all. So I'm like, ok, I generally ok, how
did that feel though? It doesn't make you feel emasculated or anything? Like as the
years go by, I feel more ok with it. Last time is really like when you are immature and you're childish, right? You always want to be the bigger, the better, the richer, whatever. But at the end of the day, like those things are very superficial and this is, of course, it carries a little bit of weight but it's not the be all and all thing.
Just walk with personality, I mean,
beauty and looks and whatever, right? You just wait, it's always just skin deep.
Ok. So there's a list of what attributes to being a man. I'm going to read some out and you tell me what you agree and disagree with some concerns. So manhood concerns, lowered sex, drive, erectile dysfunction, orgasm difficulties and changes in ejaculation. These are some of the things that men are like ultra concerned with. I know is this awkward that we're
talking about this? Like on the first time that we're meeting? Like, I don't know why this poor dude, like we force you to sit here, chat with me and I'm like throwing him these questions and he's just like, I want to die right now, please. Like, I'm gonna melt here
when you guys gave me the topic. I was
like, like, oh my God, why? OK. But let's just casually talk about it then do you agree that these are some concerns?
Definitely, definitely. I mean, there is a market for write out dysfunction, all these like size, whatever things. Right. There's a market to curb that. Yeah. Right. EDS and all that. Right. So there is definitely a concern for men in general with this kind of topics. Even I myself, performance anxiety is there's nothing wrong with your, your equipment, you know, nothing about the equipment. Nothing wrong with the equipment is just you're psyching yourself up like, oh, shit.
Am I gonna suffer this? Then it will just,
sometimes when you talk about like lower sex drive and stuff, those are, I think across both men and women. What I worry about also sometimes is like after you get married or like you have kids sometimes I see just in a slump. Yeah, I'm like, oh my gosh, like what that happened to us too? Like in the future, do you think that it's ok to chat about it with your partner or your future partner? Are you open about that? Have you done that before?
I've always done that. I've always been very clear and transparent. I think it's very important. Not just because of like if you're talking about, you want to have kids like that kind of thing. Right. But more like sexual health, I mean, if you're gonna have sex, right? You want to be both safe, right? And you can only assure each other if you tell each other that you're safe and you get tested. I mean, you don't anyhow say that you're safe but you're not right growing up as Asians
or like in the Asian culture, right? We don't talk about sex, we don't talk about a lot of things actually. But I think school tried, right? But parents don't at all. So I think growing up we feel like we don't, we cannot speak about it actually recently, right? Because I get tested like every year, at least every year, not because I'm sexually active or anything, but just because I am a hypochondriac. So I like anything happened. I like, OK, so I
received a letter of the STD results, right? And my mom opened it. No, like it was last week. So she opened and she was like, oh then she just put in you, then she asked me, you got, you got a doctor checkup, is it? I was like, yeah, and she just put back when she left the room so it's like we never don't even talk about it. Correct. Correct.
Correct. But you think it's embarrassing, that's why people find it embarrassing to talk about it.
I think so. I think so. And also the upbringing, they just do want this awkward moments. And it's weird because I do hang out with a lot of my gay friends. Right? And in the LGBT industry industry, LGBT community, the LGBT Q plus qi A plus plus plus community, right? They do get tested very often I think also because they are more sexually active, right? Hero, sexual couples don't even the ones that are sexually active, like the ones like my bros, right? Who last time
we go out and like go club, right? OK. I asked them before he got tested before. Never, never
for women because we definitely go for like at least yearly checks with the gynecologist and stuff. So these tests are a bit more normal or common to us. But for men, I I'm very sure some of my friends have never even stepped into a doctor's office to do this. The CD test before I
suddenly became the unofficial boys. Is it? No, not just in life but also like unofficial poster boy for insurance everywhere I am the C from this, I am the cautionary tail,
but you mentioned that you didn't get the right coverage. Was it prior to that? Because you didn't expect this to happen, correct?
So I, I didn't get the lump sum of. So like, technically you can get 200 if you sign the correct plan. I didn't. So I was just like, I tried to hustle and like, try to find people to see if they want to partner with me to join me in our journey sourcing. Life was one,
of course, on a more serious note, you talked about the bleak possibilities of being a dad in the future as well. Was having kids always something on your radar. Did you always want to have kids?
Last time I wanted 11 kids. No,
we're learning something new about him every few minutes. I'm like hypochondriac 1, 11 kids,
you know, but like last time because I grew up in, I wouldn't say a big family but the extended family was very, very big and I like that community, right? A very kampong, right? I wanted that for myself or in the future. But during before the chemo, I had to go for, I had to freeze my sperm.
Oh, so you can still be there.
So I had to freeze my sp but this one was not good. So I don't know what,
so why?
So because when you go through chemo, they will kill all the cells. So that means the cells of the good cells are gone to. So after the chemo, the sperm will all die, so they try to freeze the ones that are somewhat OK. But because I already had cancer to begin with. Right. I see. So it was affected.
Ok, so then how would this affect your thought process moving forward? Like talking about kids and all
that? It's a conversation that I will have with my partner. But I think also I have it easier because people have watched a video already. People know that I got the testicular cancer. So they wouldn't be surprised if they see something missing down there. So
ever since you've been on this journey, and we're talking about how body parts sometimes really, we attach our self worth and identity to these for men. When you say being a man is not defined by your testicles, what then do you feel you are defined by?
I think like there's also this like h like notion that for example, for women, right, the ability to child like child bear is what makes you a woman, you know, that kind of thing, right? And same goes for being able to make babies and like procreate and like spread the seed like, you know, that kind of thing is what it means to be a man last time, right? But nowadays or so is like, like you said, you don't have to have kids, you
don't some even you have four babies, right? To me, it is about being stable, being dependable and also being the partner that being someone that your partner wants you to be to support them. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on like the men must be the breadwinner counting, then the women must make the sandwich. I'm like, you can make my own sandwich. Great. That's great. Right. How about for yourself? Like in terms of what you see as being a woman, I
used to think, I definitely want kids and I come from a family, I'm the only child, so I have no siblings and I don't really have a reference point on how it's like to have like a nice big family or siblings. And at the same time, I also think that there's a lot of life to be lived without a kid as well. And I think that there is no right or wrong in whichever way that you want to go. But a lot of my
friends and I are quite on the same page. Like we're ok if we have kids, but we're also ok if we don't, I mean,
if you've seen like, like social media, they have this thing called DNKD Double income. No kids and lifestyle.
Exactly. That's fantastic as well. I have a dog maybe like it. Yeah, I actually spoke to my mom about it before when we talked about this whole, like settling down thing and all that. Obviously, me being the only child they're concerned, they're also getting old. They want to see me at some point. And her response to me was that's fine. Like not gonna pressure you to your kids. That's ok. As long as you're happy and he takes care of you.
That's nice. I think also like my parents are similar. I also did tell them that if I got no kids, I have more money than I can spend on you so
smart.
Ok, so they were like, ok, you know that kind of thing, more notes,
take notes. Thank you so much for being with us on the episode today and for opening up and being so candid, we really appreciate it and to you tuning in right now. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of man. Explain. If you enjoyed it, please hit the follow button. We're on Spotify and Apple Podcast. Thank you
Sonia for having me and also making me feel at ease. I know I was very nervous for the shoot, but very nice, very nice. Don't forget to follow its Clarity dot co on Instagram and Tik Tok and thank you for having me. See you.