Hey Sony Welcome back to another episode of men, explain this time around. I feel a slightly touchy topic that we're going to delve into financial intimacy. How much do you tell your partner what is considered? Okay, what should we not say? I don't know. I've got so many questions in my mind right now and with me today we've got the work salaryman. Welcome guys, Thank you. Thank you for having us tell us more about yourself.
You can introduce yourself to our audience too. So my name is Remy, I write the stuff for and
my name is wei chun, I typically draw, but now also do other stuff like the video stuff and sometimes all right. But with women's expert help.
Okay, so I mean of course we know that you have a huge social media presence but we hardly get to sit down with the both of you to chat. The last time I chatted with you guys was on zoom actually very
nervous and very scary. But
why was it that
you don't have much time on the radio? It's always like 10, 10, 15 minute segment then it feels like with financial stuff like you need to cover all your bases unless like unless you missed something out and then also you and joe kim's energy. Quite intimidating to us. I think because you are so like polished Effervescence. Just pure energy. And it was that it was very scary
when you say a lesson like bubbly
bubbly. Alright. You put that thing inside the water. Your energy. I think that you
would like a reduction. And how would you describe your energy then, in in that metaphorical sense.
Turtle,
slow and
nautical. There's good things about that also. But you know, for radio, I was like, well that's not good.
Okay, try
my hyper voice and it's still you and joking. Just
okay, you got to give us some some hype voice and energy. Okay, we'll try to try. Okay, we're going to kick things off right here. Now, financial intimacy. I mean that is a broad topic here. Today. I'm just going to ask you first, what are your relationship status is actually? Let's start with you. So I am renting a apartment with my my girlfriend together for five years
I think because your girlfriend was your primary schools,
secondary school.
Secondary school was fantastic. How many people got to date the second?
Yeah, I mean, we haven't been dating since high school. I was only cool enough to date her in my twenties. Okay. Only passed the vibe. Check. Yes, yes, yes. Okay,
check on network check.
Oh no, I think
I'm
just Yeah, just messengers messages.
I'm married. My my wife was actually my, my first Serious girlfriend and I met her in university. So that was 20 2010. We became attached. It's been a while. We're older couple. I
mean you guys have been through so much together over the past few years and you guys obviously would talk about your financial status as well, right? Seeing what you do and all that. Okay, so also I think for the benefit of our audience, tell us a bit about your channel and what you guys do just very briefly.
So we run this blog or social media page called the work salaryman, basically what we try to do is that we try to make the boring and often difficult topic of personal finance a bit more interesting and also easy to understand. So we don't just talk about financial stuff. Also sometimes we do like because your personal, your finances does over like with a lot of other areas of life, like relationships, especially your parents, your loved ones, your siblings and all
that stuff, you know? So there's a lot of other stuff to talk about also. So it's not just about maximizing the amount of money you earn and keep. Its also about what do you want in life, how much money do you need and why are you working so hard for something? You know, like it's all these other topics surrounding money that also have to be talked alongside. Just the mathematical objective aspects of earning money.
I think like your, your values, your philosophy, you know, historical things that shape, how other people might think about money. So all these things come into play when you consider like how are you going to handle your finance? Yeah, I mean just like you manage your money, you've got to manage the people around you as well when it comes to that. Right? So the question is, how
much do you tell your partner about your finances? How much do you guys share between each other as a couple who wants to start first?
Really will start first?
I first. Okay. I think when it comes to my girlfriend, I think I'll tell her like as much as she wants to know. Yeah. But I think that really depends, you know like from couple to couple what the other person actually wants to know because different people have different knowledge on finances. My girlfriend, she's quiet, she's quite well versed in the financial space, what industry? She's a real estate agent. So I mean for example she would need to know like people's whether or not
they can afford a property. You know how much, you know they might be able to pay for mortgage. Everyone and all these often come finances. So she knows about finances and whenever she has questions, she just asked me, oh you know how much can you afford to pay for rent this month or like what's the most expensive place we could possibly get. And then I just tell her sometimes we she can do the math and figure it out in some way because she also invest in like the
stock market. And so we were like sometimes go on long walks and like a bit about how the market is doing. That's what you do on your long walks you about money. I bit about people straight up, you know so much about like the macroeconomic conditions. Oh no. You know
that's what it takes today.
That's 100 is down 15%. Oh man. How's everything doing? I literally cannot really at this point. I I mean, I mean, of course we do other stuff like that. Maybe like such as 20%. Okay. Don't don't put too much. You're stressing me out. This is men explaining, explaining to do. All right, right. You know, it's not the it's not the only thing we do.
But do you discuss the amount of money that you
have? That was my next question. What do we do? We do?
So you just show her to her.
No, I don't show her. Just say like, oh, you know what your monthly average on average because she's arrest agent. There are, there are like dry months and they're like that they raced up and down. So I mean, she'll tell me this man was a bad month for me. You know, I didn't close like a lot of deals also to pay for the car. There's a lot of marketing costs now coming okay. This man was okay man for me. You know, I did a lot of freelance articles,
but don't show the bank account. Don't show the number.
I mean, I mean that's what this interview and now, by the way, this is like you need like receipts right for them. But I bought you flowers. Here's a receipt. You don't do that right? You do that. I don't know.
I don't show receipt but we do tell each other what our network. I mean if she asked me I will tell her
you will you will show
it's not like something that I hired her. She asked me recently how much money I have and I just tell her
did you give her like a vague idea or it's pretty close to the truth.
It's pretty close. Yeah. I mean it's not
a married couple. I mean these are things you have to I
mean that's just cash a council because we also invest. So there's another amount up there. So but I think she's just asking in terms of like because right now she here that the market is going down whether she should invest. And then she's asking in terms of how much cash should I keep and when I'm holding too
much cash for her own sake. So I think our approach is sort of like we have we have like a little like a sense of joint account is coming into our relationship really but not a full joint account.
So you don't have a joint account.
We do not but we do share expenses. There's this but that we use called split wise and we've been using it since we're university. You see what it does is that if I pay for something right I just put now and it will tell you keep track of everything and divide everything. So at the end of the month then we'll see, or you owe me 400 this monday we transfer,
wow, that is so, you know, I honestly, I'm looking at our crew right now and everyone's just like, question marks going at the pace is right now, I don't know whether okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but because, you know, you dabble in media, but you also dabble in finance and, and finance is a part of your everyday life, do you think that people in the finance sector would be more well versed in communicating such things with their partners
versus people who are not in financial industries, they may find it difficult to even start that kind of conversation in the first place, you know,
I think, no, I think because like ultimately when you're communicating about finance, um it channels through the relationship, so even if you're a finance professional and by your relationship is not a, at a good open place, you also cannot even broach it, it doesn't matter if I know all the terms if my approach the relationship is not right, and that's what is channeling the money right? Then also cannot really have a good proper combo, right?
You think sometimes like finance professionals can have like the curse of knowledge, like they know a lot of like, like deep, deep stuff about like money and stuff actually when you need to communicate to non finance people on a normal level. I think they often struggle. So why then do you think people and couples find it difficult to talk about money with their loved ones? And we're not even talking about just relationships. Sometimes it could also be family that we find it challenging to
speak about. Why do you think that's the case? I think number one, I think in in some like asian societies, like maybe hours, like you talk about money, it can be seen like, like you're showing off, you're showing off like you're being very calculated or other times I think there were a whole bunch of local dramas I remember in the past like they just portray like whenever the kid asked the parents about money, they're trying to steal
the wealth, you know? And then like sometimes the parents who watched that, they're thinking, oh my God, is this person trying to steal my wealth so that they're like strange subtext whenever you ask like, you know how much money you have in your CPF right, I almost expect like why you want to take my
money is it? I mean that's not if you want to have an open conversation about money because if I do not know like how much of your CPF, I don't know how much I might want to give to you or whether or not you need money or whether or not, you know, I'm giving money by actually you don't actually wear rich. Right. Right. I get it. But there's so much thinking going on back there. Maybe I
think a lot of it attached to egos or like because you would think like your network is attached to who you are as a person and like how accomplished you were, how successful you are. So I think like for a parent to review that kind of thing, that can be quite vulnerable that I feel like my dad or my mom has never taken me aside to say I got this amount left. So you gotta prepare, you know, something like that. It just feels like maybe it's an
asian culture thing. Like you don't want to show your vulnerability or that you are fallible. And then he says because as a parent you don't want to do that, especially when you're young, you want to be there to protect and stuff. But actually a lot of times I heard this quote from rick and morty, like, like parents are just kids having kids, they're figuring out as they go along. I think back to where my dad and mom had their first kids younger than me now.
So they're just figuring out when they are liable to be these things inside that they might be insecure. I think that's the same reason why also feel a bit sometimes like reluctant to talk about finances with my loved one also, I mean we try to be open, but it's always ego and insecurity that makes it difficult
and sometimes I feel like we tend, we try to downplay it as well. I don't know if you've ever experienced this in, like, let's say chinese new year reunion sort of setting, right? Sometimes I go, maybe if I got a new car doesn't mean even anything, like I
just need to change my car, but
you drive a new car to your relative's place. People say regina rich and we're like, oh no, actually no. Then you try to
downplay
exactly. Okay, so then my next question is at what stage of your relationship did you decide to share your financial situation with your partner? Like when did you guys start to share this information with each other?
I think the like beyond just the technical finance bit of like how much money I have, how much I'm going to turn right. I think couples do need to align, especially early on when it comes to projection of money because actually projection of money, it's not just money, it's projection of what, who you want to be in the future and how are you going to spend your money? Which is a way of expression right? Like there's nothing wrong with wanting a nice Lamborghini and landed property, but if that's
what you want to say it. So I also have a indication of who you are
go for the
same goal or like I know this is who I'm going to be dating and it's important because you also I think a lot of situations it actually helps if you and your partner on the same wavelength when it comes to the kind of person. So if I go on a holiday and the kind of holiday I want to go on is like like Like everything five star you
know I
prefer to spend very conservative. I like the rough and tumble nece. I like the fact that I get good deals then not not compatible you can't have these adventures together and not that that's a bad thing. Some couples can make it work. But if you want somebody to go with you and like it on the same level as it relates to money, it has to be talked about.
So when it comes to sharing the final like so if you settle that then when it comes to like showing each other the account I think there are also unavoidable if you want to get a house together unless you're both very rich and then the purchases nothing to your. But if you want to buy a house together and it's going to cost 200 K. If I don't know my partner can pay the down payment and then that's the issue right?
So it will have to happen, me and my wife has a joint account now but we only have a joint account because we gotta re mortgage on our house loan recently for today advantage of better interest rate. So the banks say you only a joint account and we just reluctantly go and
get, but now that we
get, I'm like maybe there's some used to it. We don't have to put everything in the app anymore.
True. So the joint account is also used not just that, but for like daily expenses for
one to now. Actually I want to say can we just use the joint? So we put our, because we share groceries,
exactly what I mean,
500 every month. We just, you put 100 and then we just spend from that extra then we buy nice things. I buy a new fan or
whatever she's like
and I used to be the one relationships are no, I want to share my own life. I need my freedom
right?
But now I'm like, can you just do it for convenience
because because
as a young person in the relationship, I never wanted to feel like I'm giving up my freedom to be with you. But actually that is what the relationship is in some extent, you know, so financially maybe there has to reflect and I think as we get older right, we are gonna let it creep into our lives and joint accounts will become bigger and bigger.
So joint account with your partners. One thing do any of you guys have joint accounts ever with your parents only. My dad, he gave me pocket money. One wage on account. I don't put any money. Yeah, I think that's the only time
my mom has a savings thing for me. Like she just put money in it whenever she has money. So from Malaysia, she opened the bank and I remember traveling across the course with her. Then we just go to the bank specially just to go to bank. We cross cross, right, She opened account for me. Then she was just talking money in there. But I'm naturally a very like savy person. So I just assume I don't have the account
frugal,
frugal. I
also can
I assume I don't have the account and I try to learn everything on my own.
Okay. But
maybe there's some inheritance
before. You know it. You're like, hey, I have this chunk of money. I never
Maybe $5,000
Or 50. You never know. Okay. So then, you know, I think on that note, right with the joint account and all that kind of stuff. I think that is a very normal progression for a lot of couples who are serious with each other. Have you? However, I'm not sure you're comfortable with sharing this on, on this channel. Have you lied about anything to your partner before in regards to spending
like
something and you have not
just say I want, I just bought a new bike and I just, here it is, I bought it a
bike or bicycle
Bicycle, affordable bicycle but it's not cheap. It's okay on $3,000.
Okay.
So I like the fact that we have our own accounts and that I can buy one like it's like a, it's like some people have a mean joint account then offer that they have fund accounts that they control themselves, right? But for us it's more like inverse like we have a joint account via the app and also this account for mortgage servicing. But the main thing is our fun fun fund,
right? Your fund fund.
So if we have kids probably will change, we'll put something confirmed.
Is that the pipeline?
I think so. I don't know confidence. You see
she's gonna comment
but when it comes to lying, I just never felt like it was necessary because we never combine.
Yeah,
I just, there's a very like common trope where like the husband want to buy something then hide from the wife especially I'm on all these facebook groups on like, like bicycle stuff and it's not, the joke is always like hide from my wife or like anyone want to help me keep in the house. They're coming right? So my wife don't know it's a joke. It's a
joke. I
completely don't understand that maybe this is a young person
actually done that actually. But I also high with the bicycle. I really do not because of money reason because like because we have too many bags in the house. Right? So
now
we have four bicycles in the house. That's not so bad. Okay, I did affordable. They're all like, oh my God. So what I did was I bought the stuff from chain reaction cycles. Really good service by the way. How many the ads were dropping in this episode? But yeah, here we go. When it came. I just hit the back under the bit because like, you know, I didn't know this. Yeah.
What would you do that?
I mean, because I didn't ask her because she also pays rent the house. Right? So
space,
space, space thing. So later on in the a few months later I said, do you think I can have a new bicycle? And she said, okay. Just some what was the reaction? I mean, she was, I think she, I think she did something like that, but she was pretty cool with it. I mean after all it's my money and I have a feeling she already knew it was under the bit to be honest. I think she probably was vacuuming one day. She was like, what is this? It must be, yeah, she's like, let me test the waters and
Confess exactly two years later. Okay,
so these are, these are like not so dramatic things.
Can I ask you, do you have you lied before about anything? Actually,
no. So for jerry and I like, we don't really hide things. He's very open because he also has a passion for for bikes. Oh no, I know he likes mountain bike, road bike. I don't know what like and also wine. He has a passion for wine and you know how that is right? I
don't know how that, how is that?
It's an expensive hobby. Let me tell you it is. So the thing is he's not afraid to tell me what, you know, he's up to what he's buying and all that. Sometimes he doesn't really tell me maybe the cost of this bottle for example, maybe they can get pretty expensive, but I can roughly guess but we're at the stage where you know, I think we have similar interests. We have similar ideas of how to enjoy life, you know, and these are just his interest. I don't have an
issue with it for me. I'm very open with him. Also, once in a while if I decide to buy like, I don't know, nice bag or like a pair of shoes, I think he knows roughly what the cost of these things are outside. So he noticed us, he'll be like, oh this is cute and I'm like, yeah, cute conversation ends. They're
asking, I mean he's just being nice or is he is that stank of like you spend money on this thing. There's never
but you can afford it. I'm not asking him to buy for me that's one
joint account here.
There's no joint account we do however we split like you know like grocery stuff and all that. Or like household essential stuff
like a banker
like we we don't split in a way like like for example if he goes to buy stuff like several times then the next round I will go and get you know that kind of thing.
So it's not really like to split the cost is just like
we take turns. Yeah that's what I mean. So we don't go like look at the receipt, okay we're going to split this in, we just take turns.
I used to do that my my my girlfriend slash wife a lot because I was always very frugal like because I
just good
because when I graduated you need to pay on my you know, so I became the most and she always makes fun of me for it now. But last time we did argue over it because I was quite difficult. But nowadays also like as our finances are healthier. Yeah I find it way easier to go $20 thai food up
you
pay for it. But there's still that niggling feeling but I hope that we can move past that so that there's some joint account that's where we can just draw from that pool. But also like when it comes to food and stuff, I'm sorry if I'm skipping ahead. Also like it's also like I eat a lot more. She barely eats usually eat a bit and I can eat the rest of mine. So how is that fair? For example, like, I don't know if we argue about it, but in my head right, the argument will go something
like this. It would be like, she would say, can you pay more because you ate like 60, of everything now I say, but I didn't order, okay, I'm helping you clear your plate, we order one. So the fairness of that also, I don't know if there's a right or wrong and I also a bit scared to say people cancel me for being this or that, but that's just what we do. Usually, you know,
it's similar in a way where if you go for dinner with a group of friends and there's like six of you and you didn't really eat anything. But everyone else, someone
like you, but
You know one thing and then
to pay for €5 like I'll be like,
oh,
last time I know, I don't quite
know, but it's true. Like sometimes you wonder, right, these are certain questions, okay, but here's the thing in the household for example, one person is generally going to out earn the other. I don't know if that's the case
unless you're in the same thing the whole way, which is very hard to
match exactly.
You deny the raise from your boss just because they don't know what happened. Yeah,
so one person at any one point, even though I know we're both in industry, all in industries where it can be quite volatile, you know, it can be up and down some months and for for your wife, I'm not sure what she does.
She's a contemplative legal.
Okay, so it's quite
stable.
So the saying that whoever brings in the gold makes the rules and
stuff like that, Do
you feel that that kind of energy at home, like sometimes maybe as the breadwinner or something, do you subconsciously act like you're the boss or do you? I don't know thoughts. I think it depends on like the dynamics of the relationship and also like how much the person who earns more? How much more, I mean like how much power they give themselves because they earn more money for our relationship
because
I think we earn like roughly the same amount. I think the principle is like you go spend on your thing, I spend on my thing as long as not beyond your means, you're in the clear, but if you're going to spend beyond your means and like I'm involved, then I want to be part of the conversation as well. Right? So for example, like this fictional, let's say, my girlfriend wants to buy a $2 million
condo,
they'll be like, okay, first of all, like, can you pay your share if you cannot, that means I have to step in. Right? So it's the share 50 50. That's the question is the share 50 50 I think right now, I would think I would assume. Yeah,
you're terrible.
What amount? So you go by percentage? Like Yeah, I think like number one, the at the end of the like the person who pays the most should decide like how much they want to, how much you want to spend on your property. I will not pay more to enable my partner to live beyond our means. But what I'll try to do is like to spend money that is within my means are so comfortable. That makes sense to her, right? So
if you spend, if you earn double her salary, would you pay more for the condo that you're buying
together This fictional once again fictional. Once again, I think I will pay more. But I would like to have that discretion on how much more. So would you then decide like, okay, I will come in 70% and then you can come out 30%.
You want to make
that decision? Yeah. Especially if I'm the one paying more. But of course you can pay your end and okay, let's just buy something that we both like, okay, you
Can draw a line in the house. Like this is your 30,
you can stay in the kitchen because that's what you pay for. Oh no, no, no, it's not a gender thing. It's not cancer. You see that's it. I guess it's
been a good thank you. Thank
you. Thank you. It's the last episode
on that note also like about arguing and whether you put that power, like I have actually done that and I'm not proud of it. But like sometimes in moments of
argument, you know, like
because like especially when you're losing the argument, you see your ground line. So the situation was that I was in university, I was doing my master's degree and then I was staying on the coastal this, I mean, right, so my girlfriend at the time, which is my wife now will come and stay with me from time to time. And then when we argue sometimes, right? I would I've said this before, I would say like, but I'm paying for this hospital.
So you don't like it, Get out. I said that kind of thing and I'm not proud of it, but you know, like I was stupid and young and If we have arguments nowadays right now, the house is 5050, but if it wasn't also I something would stop me from going there. You know, and I think that is something that that would be difficult to control because when you're in an argument, you are irrational. You are looking
for every
leverage you can get, you know, so to have the additional factor of inequality in your relationship when it comes to things that you are building together that you might Put an argument, right? Makes it also it gives you another edge that you need to be careful about when it comes to this sort of thing for us, we split everything 5050 since we got together. Because I think my wife also is very into the whole like she wants to be her own person and she wants to feel like she's relying on me and
I find that attractive. So it's not just I can save money or pay everything because there's the prevailing thing that men must pay more. Men must make the first movement must pay for dinner and stuff. But she never would let me do that on our first day, second day or whatever. You know, I like that too. Not just from the safe money point of view. Not from the same point of view at all, but just from I like independent this. I liked
how are things with you and jeremy when it comes
to the same,
I feel like I'm being interviewed by two very curious people. What's your question again? Sorry, do you and Jeremy like how you guys split stuff? Okay, so we're not married yet. So we don't we're not at the point where we really do that. I guess when it comes to like I mentioned the common stuff that we all we consume we share. We do this okay to just take
turns to do it right. And also I think this was interesting because I had an espresso machine come in for for for a job and it was placed in his house, but when my apartment came, you know I said can I take the coffee machine? And he was like, but I really need the really the coffee machine to like how are we going to split this? Right? So we thought about it and he was like, you know what, I'm going to buy you your own coffee machine. So he went and bought me
a coffee machine. So in that sense we're both equal. We're both fair, we try to have the same things
you buy one for him. He bound for you.
Yeah, but mine was sponsored. So he got a sponsored then he bought me the lower tier one some more, you
know,
accounting for depreciation, right? That's why I press the button that opens up and I need to
know he's
saying, you know, I can't give you one of them value because I used
to
use called amortization or something because the Because people use ready, right? So maybe it's like 40% less. So maybe on his part, he's thinking, you know, he's
a banker, he
justified that decision. Please clarify that it's actually it's a fair value. Yeah. You actually met him. Yeah. Conference. Yeah, Okay. I mean clearly for me as well. Like I think when we work if we're working towards something a little bit more serious, settling down, we do stay together quite a bit as well, even though I have my own apartment. But you know, I think these things are very serious topics that you definitely have to address as you get closer to marriage.
But when you get married things changed drastically. I mean I think this is a question more for
you. That's a great point because I think you have to be not open to it, but it's an inevitability that when you get closer to get more serious, you your your how you say you say financial intimacy, which is, it's like you spend time with money. So
it's not
like in a relationship
it
will change your dynamic and relationship with money will change also. And it sounds terrible to say that I will never let the idea of money sully our our love and whatever they're supposed to be sacred on some other realm, but it really is interwoven one. And the sooner you realize that the sooner you can have these conversations and then you sort out how to pass these things, you know, because like really I feel like a joint account, this is
an inevitability that's coming my way. But if I told myself that as a university person like my uni days that they only have a joint account, I never I have my freedom. But that's what that's what a marriage is.
That's what a deep relationship with somebody is like I remember when I got married, my mom told me that she said in chinese meaning you've finally grown up and I think what she meant was that the marriage that that get right meant that in this time I'm moving towards a thing where I'm no longer the most important thing in my life and that is important in a marriage and then later on to have kids because that's what is required of
you to
be a parent. You need to be able to put this person's life above your own. And I think marriage is a step towards that. So your finances must reflect
that that's what
commitment means. That you give up flexibility of your own thing because that's like one ft in the door, one ft out the door if my financial company separate. That also gives me the ability to just leave the moment something goes wrong. And I don't think that's good for a relationship or marriage together because that's how you solve problems, you stick in it and you talk it through and you suffer through the not nice bits if at the slight hint of not nice
thing I'm out of here. I'm gonna stay in the hotel and never see me again. That's not a relationship to me.
So I think you should change your name to the work relationship.
It's not my
lane. I just saying my
opinion more financial less relationship,
You know, but like you said it is very interlinked. I just wanted to to to step in here to throw in something that I just recalled a couple of days ago actually on our station, we're giving away cash price spot, $10,000. And we had a caller call in a couple actually young couple not married, their just their girlfriend boyfriend. So then you know, you're supposed to identify a song based on a one second snippet. So the girlfriend called him, but the boyfriend was the one that knew what the
answer was. So we jokingly said, so how are you guys going to split this money? Right? And then you know, the boyfriend goes, oh, I guess I mean I hope I'll take it because I know the answer kind of thing. They were just joking around and then the girlfriend goes, but don't worry, I have access to his bank account so I'll take it right back. So we were like, we're like, oh, is this like
something toxic? What are your thoughts on that? Like having full access to your partner's bank account before even getting married.
But access means what like view or transfer you see, Do I have transfer, right? Is it like a google doc? I can edit or
so she means she can accept it. Yeah, I googled.
All
right. Well
that was very scary.
I
think maybe last time it is different where marriage meant a slightly different thing to what it means now, but for both to have access to one another. I don't understand how that would
work. I think someone always said a lot of like scams or love scams and things like
you're saying there's a lot of scam.
No, no, no, I'm not saying, I'm not saying the examples of love scam, I'm saying no to before you marry you just give, like complete access to the bank account. I mean that is
like, that's
awesome for a scammer.
Why would I need complete access to my partner's account? Actually? Why would
that's the thing? I don't know,
I held him on the line,
just ask you what is going
on. Why?
No, but I think, you know, at the end of the day, they they've got their own stuff going on. Maybe they work it out in their own sense,
No
clue. Just doing it for entertainment, maybe, perhaps you never know as well. Okay, so we've covered so much ground over the past few minutes. I'm not sure if it's almost been an our actually so from your point of view, any sort of advice you want to give our viewers out there, you know, young couples perhaps moving into more serious situations
with their partners. I think it's very important to kind of like discuss what the couple wants to achieve, you know, early on and then have like a shared goal and I think the hard thing about doing this is that sometimes your goals will differ and sometimes that might just mean the relationship.
It's not,
it's not compatible? It's just not meant to be. I think this is a very hard thing that people need to accept. Sometimes somebody wants a different thing and that's not good or bad. It's just different. I think what will work best in long term is that you find like someone who has your values and can kind of like Commit to that vision for like the next 10, 20 years. I think ideally I think that's how you should approach marriage.
But I think if you want to not get married and do like more short term stuff, that's okay too
short term
stuff. I
mean, I
mean when it comes to like financial instruments, right, they're like, they're like bonds. There's no, there's bills because they all have different lengths of commitment. Right? I think the amount of commitment you guys put in relationship will determine how long you want to stay together. And so yeah, some relationships are like a fire thing.
One year relationship more short term and that's okay.
That's okay. But if you do long term, it's best to get someone with the same goals, the more compatible goes out, the higher chance of you surviving the
long term. Right?
Maybe I want to shoot this question to you then how would you advise young couples out there to be less afraid to talk about money?
I think it's an inevitability and the sooner you talk about it, the better, but of course there are ways to talk about it don't go on the first day. So how much in the future and how many
of these things wait was it was a financial advisor pretending to be, you know, it was one of your scams. You should create a new scam. Scams are very real. My friends please
watch out for scams
not talking about experience. I
think like uh the way to talk about it is very important and like maybe not the first date but I think the third or fifth especially. So it depends on the context of how you are meeting and what is the nature of this relationship but expect changes when it transits from an earlier stage kind of summer romance or whatever to more deep thing
because when he said summer I
said away away apologize
actually Singapore company but
it's like you will have to adjust. And there's also something nice about going for a more longer term committed thing. When I was young. I always thought like I'll just do short term things here.
But
my wife is my first girlfriend. So it's like there's something nice about it because you build something together long term. Like sometimes when we argue the things I think about is like the little, not just like the little jokes that we have together and things like that, all the memories but also the things that we built together like our house, our house is a three room actually be, but like
it's a labor of love.
It's even the floors are decisions that we've made not the floor, but floors like right here because we chose not to upgrade this part all the way. And there's something nice about it too because these are decisions that we've made because all the crack there, for example, the
war L. A W. S problems
in the house, right? For example, icon for example, not the most five star energy rated thing. But there is a trade off that we made. So we could have a very nice oven so that she can bake and stuff.
So these are
decisions that we've made and there's something nice about it too. And I think for young people, young people tend to want freedom especially nowadays and I think, okay, but be open to the fact that one day your mind will change and be open to embracing that and finances is one way to gauge that earlier. So I don't think you should, how much, How much, but like what kind of lifestyle would you like to have
that? What's your, what's your goal?
What
questions? I think I'm leaving this podcast with more questions than ever. Actually more thought, small talk's not in a good way. And also the fact that we are probably in a constant state of evolution and change in every phase of life as well. Thank you so much. You guys for coming on board talking about not just financial stuff because we always see you in that setting. Right? Thank you for sharing your
relationship stuff as well. I think that was very eye opening and we matched energy levels today. Yeah,
I think that was
okay. I still feel actually feel give so many like romantic and I feel like I feel like
romantic
market for me. So now to say like some romantic, would you like to end up with a romantic quote then like something you know, I kind of just shout out to beth you know my girlfriend
was awesome,
I plan stuff and money stuff with you better with that. I had so much that I learned about romantic relationships about finance, about everything. Financial intimacy. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Men explain if you liked it as well, please sit the follow button. We drop new episodes, every alternate Thursdays on Spotify, Apple podcasts and me listen
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we hope you enjoy our conversation about all the money stuff and I love stuff and see you next episode. Bye