Do we have too much expectations on proposals and weddings?

it's sonia. Welcome to another episode of Men explain. And today we're talking about proposals not mine and I want to welcome our special guest who recently got engaged. It's nick and Hong ling. Hello? Hi sonya, what's going on guys? Congratulations. First of all, I did manage to congratulate you. How has it been so far like as an engaged couple? Any difference?

Um

actually for me there's not much, no difference. Yeah,

only during that period, the moment happened. Some something weird. I can't explain it.

Yeah, Okay. It's not the language, it's just a feeling,

I just, I just

think it's a bit overwhelmed, right?

Maybe social

media news and everybody on graduated, so it's too much thing going on

back to normal.

Yeah, back to business. So leading up to that moment. I mean it was a very beautiful proposal. Did you already know that you're going to get proposed to? No, actually, no, because I think the timeline got brought forward. Yes, because we plan, we plan to have a wedding like maybe two years to three years. Yeah,

discussion about

2020 2030 plus I'm still very busy or is it

true of is a no, I think quite

quite okay. What was the reason for that nick? You want to lock it down? Is it like what's going on? Because

I wanted it to be a surprise for her. Okay. If I do it around the timing, maybe she will have the

suspicion or maybe yeah, but you coincided it with her birthday. So you thought that it was a birthday celebration. Yes. And for every year he's quite romantic on my on my birthday. So I didn't really think much of it. Oh, this is just another very romantic birthday generation. Yes, and this time with my friends and family, so it's quite a big one. Okay, so in that moment, what were, what was your reaction were you like, what the heck? No, I just, I just I was very,

For around seven years,

seven years. So nick, when did you know that she was it

She was the one. Yeah, I think somewhere along the 5th of this,

six long for six years before six dates. Yeah. Really, man, You know, she was

quite confirmed like after when

the first

few months or something

like the very first day I saw you. Oh yeah, the moment, you

know,

I wish I knew who was the one, the moment I see them. I think

she's more like emotional kind of person and everything goes through her heart. She goes for the like feeling kind of person for me, it's more logical

anyway. On that note in this day and age where we talk proposals and stuff like that, right? I think it has changed a little bit along the years and you know, I think different generation as well. Um it's not just the traditional way of proposing anymore. You know, I think some girls even proposed to their partners. What do you think about that? Like would you have done something like that or maybe personality wise? Not so much. I would like to but I wouldn't encourage. Yeah. Would

you do it?

I tried. Yeah, I do jeremy. I'm not I mean like the one with the ring pop, you know, like, don't worry, this is not like an announcement. Yeah, but he was like this okay, can we just talked

about? But

I don't know. In reality, I wouldn't mind. I think I wouldn't mind. I just wonder how that makes the guy feel.

I don't know. I'm

conscious of that as well. Like does that make you feel weird

kind of because it's like norm for man to propose. So when a girl takes the initiative, it kind of feels weird. It's more like how people would think about us. Yeah, I think it's more than that. Like will people think like I do not love her more? Like is it like she's rushing off. She's trying to put some pressure on me. So I'm more worried on like what the

perception. Okay. And how about you for me actually I worried most about the people's perception as well. Um I'm not sure actually did I did I proposed to you first way because like we both see the seriousness and the love for each other way before the proposal. So we actually talked about our future and we actually plan about our marriage way before. So I'm not, I think I'm the, I'm the first one to initiate, initiate this topic. So is it considered like I propose the idea? I

think it's more like casual talks about our future can through these small talks, we can like, align with our vision, like what we want in life. And she always like, tell me like she don't want a proposal. Oh,

really? So I'm serious about it. What did you want then? In that case? I think the proposal is not as important as the eventual marriage, the wedding ceremony for

the wedding. I think you don't

want a simple,

she wanted something simple maybe like if proposal would be a stressful event for us. She can skip it even for the banquet. Just something intimate. Just the both of us. I think she's contented with it. She, that's what she had been telling me. But I still feel like the proposal is

so he's the one that I wanted to do it.

Like, and

I

wanted to like properly okay approval and her family's approval and also show her my sincerity

and it makes for a beautiful video and beautiful memories as well as we all saw something that I can tell my Children or grandchildren your like proposed. She's I feel like channel drama right now. Like, so, so you were, you were mentioning that all your family members were there as well. I'm just curious nick can be invisible right now. They immediately approve of nick. Oh they did approve nick like way before the proposal

when I decided to do a proposal, the first thing I did was to go to her parents and ask for your permission. So during then she was overseas. So I texted her father about it. So I said, uncle, can I come to your house? I got something to talk to you then. Like

knows. Of course he knows what's up. He's

in shock. He thought like something happened. Like is it something overseas or something?

I see.

Then he called me and I said, oh nothing, just want to discuss something with you.

And he's like, what do we

know sort of, he guessed it like later on. So when I told him about it actually, her mom said something very touching. I like you can

say in mandarin, I understand. I

said like, um then she replied something like

already accepted

during that particular moment. I can't

control, you need to cry during acting. Do you tap back into that emotion? You can't do anything.

But that moment was quite touching.

He's tearing up right now you guys. Is it the reflection of the light, glassy nous in his eyes or something? I don't know, but it seems to be bringing some tears as well. Yeah. That that in that moment you knew that everything was falling into place, you know,

I think they have been waiting for quite some time. So

yeah. Okay. Have you ever tried to hint to you guys?

Yeah, when, when we talk about it normally because we have a business ourselves. Right? So like when her dad and her mom was talking about it, they will say like, so they really

classified. So it's already like settled in a sense, they know that you will get there eventually. Right? Okay. So now let's talk about the ring and I want to chat about this because in 20, alone, so many of our, I would say people in our generation age group, you know, got engaged or started to get very serious with their partners and started talking about marriage and stuff like that. And we all know that, you know the concept of

1? Um for me, it's still like more, something like a custom. So like people, I mean men do propose with a diamond ring. So I still go along with it. I wouldn't try something like very daring. Like some other gemstones or something. So I think if they wanted to try something different, I think maybe it's more on the lady side

or the preference,

what if I got her? Sophia or something, but she

has no idea what it means unless it means something

to you.

Okay, okay, I see for you only like, did it ever mattered to you? I really love the ring. Um it's very simple because I love something simple, classic. So it's very simple. She's a great hand model at this point. She's like, yeah, so you, you liked it the moment you received it. Actually when I, when I saw the video, like the second time I notice I didn't, I didn't even take a look at the ring. I just like, okay, put it on. Okay, so anything, it could be

anything.

I mean, of course, that is the traditional way of thinking as well, right? With the diamond, all that and for homely, I mean, you seem like you're easily contented because obviously it's not true. You you're not you're not expecting like a five carat. So what if he proposes something else, would you still be okay with it? You have been alright with it? Yeah, I think I'll be okay because I didn't want a proposal. Yeah, so you have already have

I

think it's an occupational hazard because you dress up a lot and you doll up a lot for work and stuff. Right. And then when it comes to your actual wedding, you're like, okay, I just wanna,

I just wanna chill,

changing,

changing like yeah,

Take a lot of time if like, we have like 2-3 outfits and at first he wanted like three and I just want one. I want you to think like

wedding, I want some memories,

I think is the bride. I feel like the roles are reversed here. Nick is totally being the bridezilla right now.

But in the end she just wanted one because

I insisted

more time with friends and family.

She wanted, she wanted

to be there like sitting down having

pictures and then like coming in the smoke machine and all that stuff. Right?

Then it would be quite weird, like quite weird right for me to be changing myself and coming in

myself. Like where is nick? He's wearing his third tax of the day.

I think I'll be only wearing one as well.

So you decided? Yes, I like that. I think we're seeing sort of like, or at least I'm seeing a different side of because I never knew that you were so easy going about all this stuff because sometimes you would think, okay Brights definitely want things a certain way. Like at least that's the traditional way of thinking right? Like the bride is always the one that is the Bridezilla always like wanting this and that. So that's really nice to see. And I wasn't aware of that as well. That was

I think we take quite awhile to actually talk it through the first few times. I think there's some arguments but later on we, because I have heard an advice on marriage is that even as a boyfriend and girlfriend, you guys can't talk about something when you get married, it will only get harder. So we try to like communicate and also understand just communication itself. I don't think it works. So we have to understand like where each other is coming from. Yeah.

So what were some things that you immediately agreed on or disagreed on? For example, housing and kids? Oh,

kids is still a debate

now. Still an ongoing conversation. One third we knew we wanted, but like we are still very young and we are very worried that maybe we'll

get tied down to the kids. We have

to become your life. Yeah,

but at the back of our mind, we still want to have kids. We wanted a family eventually. Yeah. But the question now is when maybe when we drag too long, maybe we

Can have, but you guys are quite close in age so, so it should be okay. I hope right, like five

years

close. Yeah, that's quite close. So actually we, we are now like okay, we go with the flow. We doesn't want to plan if it happens to happen. Yes. Okay. Sometimes

we see something like, yes, we're going to have kids then like the next moment? No, that's, that's not the life that you want? It's

still changing. What did you see or witness that? I'm curious. What did you see a witness that made you think? No, I don't want kids. Was there anything when

we go enjoy at a beach club? Some parents like taking care of their kids

were very

like enjoying taking a sip of Yeah, we're like, we're

like, we're not, we're

not having this

when we see like the kids look exactly like their parents like wanted to have kids like that. So that, that aside, what about like finances housing these kind of conversations? Do you find it challenging? Because I know some couples who get into conversations like that and then end up fighting or you know, one doesn't want to reveal too much about the finances and stuff like that. What was the dynamic between the two of you? I think for financial wise,

mutual thing.

Yeah, it's a mutual thing

and we are quite open about it. She even knew my bank cuts pin.

Oh really? How early on did she know your three

to four years ago while we are in our third year or

what made you guys decide to do that? I think this is a cross over to a previous episode that we did a while back about financial intimacy. But anyway, we'll ask since we have a real life example. So so what made you give that kind of responsibility or

just feel very secure in our relationship? So I don't mind her knowing like how much saving savings I have or what I spent on. So I think it's the same for her as

well. We don't have like a particular timing that okay, I need to let him know my people, but there's no it's very um

just

natural, organic. Yeah. So it's like maybe he's like pressing the p and then I just saw it.

I can just tell you the pin sometimes I would even pass her my card to withdraw some money.

Okay, okay, that's normal. I guess trust for

housing part, I think she had more opinions on it. It's quite easy.

Some of these thoughts and opinions

may be the locations like what type of house is she would want for me. It's quite okay. I don't really have any preference on it. As long as the interior looks good and comfortable for me. Yeah. So on this side I think we are

quite flexible like sort of compromise in that sense. And for housing I'm I think I want a room for myself. Yeah, that's one thing. Is there a reason why is there something we need to know? Work is work, your schedules and stuff, It's very different. And our work starts as early as like seven years, we have to get up at six. So if

we stay together in the room and disturb each other,

sleep in what way? I'm just asking? It's like the alarm clock? Oh, okay. I didn't say anything. You disturb each other still in the same room. That sounded very, you know, like implied something. Anyway, so, so you want your own room? Okay, let's get back to that. You want your own room. But of course you will still make the effort to spend the time together, Right? It's more of a practical work standpoint.

what

surrounds me. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I think sometimes we get so caught up in everything that we do, we're always so busy and then sometimes you see people's like social media like they are packed every minute of the day. How do they do it? You know that kind of thing? And then you think also like, are you really enjoying your free time or the fruits of your labor in that sense? Right? Yeah, but career wise nick. How about you? Like, do you also feel

um I want

to focus on your business or what, what are some things?

I think it's more like a passion to me and if I can achieve financial freedom, I think I would slow down as well. But I think it's more on balancing. So if I can achieve financial freedom then maybe I'll cut less on my work. But I think in today's context it would be quite hard to la so I will still carry on even after our marriage

and you know, I'm sure it seems like you guys are already at a very stable point. I don't think much is gonna change after you actually sign the papers and get married right. Were there anything any sort of like points of contention where you were like, you don't agree with each other? Were there any moments where you disagree with each other? Noah, I don't think, I think, I think we resolve the problems, so I can't really remember. So you solve it immediately.

avoid,

it's like, what do we disagree on everything?

I think it's something very small and

very small. Like, who doesn't want to like invite you? We don't want to invite your wedding. Yeah, Okay, that's it. Yeah. You say like, oh, we need to invite this person and I don't like this person, something like that. That is hilarious. That's the only thing

think the whole the event was like, quite intimately. So they told me like, they are quite touched, like, to see the whole the

whole process,

Most

of your friends engaged or about

to get married. Most of my friends are

okay. I think I'm the first few. Yeah. So in that sense, do you feel pressure because a lot of your friends were getting married that you also felt like maybe I should step up into that phase of life?

Yeah, initially I did. But later on, I feel like everyone has their own pace of life. So just go according to it. Don't have to be stressed over like other people's lives or something. So later on was quite okay for me was quite comfortable

because you know, I'm not sure if you guys agree with me on this, but I had some friends who, you know when all their friends start getting engaged, they start to panic and it started to be like, oh my gosh, I feel the pressure I should be getting married at this age, I should be having kids at this age. You've never felt that way holding no, because I'm always felt that I'm still very young and have my career and I

specifically to make,

how long did you take? Two plan the proposal?

The whole thing took like three months but away before I already had this sort of vision like how I want to do it. So I wanted to create something special to both of us because normally we love to when we travel overseas we love to hike to see sunsets and also love like water activities, diving and snorkeling and everything. So I thought like I have to do it during sunset sunset. So that's how I got the first thing down then I slowly plan about it.

And you were praying that there was a good sunset that

actually it rained that day. Oh right before luckily

actually after it rains I hear that the sunsets are really nice. Was it? Yeah it was a nice day.

So my advice is no matter how much you plan that there is screw ups for sure but I think with the screw ups it make it makes everything more memorable when we talk about it. Right. Right

okay so three months of planning and keeping that secret

from. Yeah when it comes to like people right I'm very worried like someone accidentally say it out right? But luckily they all kept their mouth shut out.

How many people knew about it in total aside from her parents.

30 over

all of them. I mean they all knew such head in advance. Oh my niece doesn't know. Oh

yeah.

Yeah my niece, it's like she's six years old. So I think

for being like a bit more

she always like

say all the surprises so only she was carrying that owe

me. So she thought that you guys were going on like a birthday boat trip or something. Okay. Okay. That's so cute though. She's going to look back at this video and be like, I wasn't a blabber mouth what you guys are talking about. Okay, but for, for Hong ling, I'm guessing that you're going to say no amount of preparation would have prepared you for that moment. Right? Actually, I have not like prepared anything for this. I thought

Yeah.

And actually I know that for many singaporeans, one of the proposal options are the B. T. O. So actually I don't I don't feel it. Not romantic. And actually I feel very very sweet and it's like the next phase of your life. So There's nothing we don't have to have a very big problem. Because I know you see some people in the news, they're like, oh this guy flew up like 50 drones or like put something on like, I don't know somewhere. Have you seen those like you poorly huge proposals? Right.

Yeah, I feel so because my friends, they actually still do like very simple proposal. But in the end it just it's a moment between the couple. So what matters most to them? It's the most important. Yeah.

Would you have been okay if it was just the two of you? Like he just did it privately with no friends and family. Actually, if he was he was back at island. Yeah, it was like two of us you thought it was going to that was romantic. It's like a very romantic dinner by the beach. Just the two of us flowers. So you know it's happening. It's happening just like I did my nails. I already have

to explain that because it's her birthday.

I knew

it was gonna be, I knew like she loved the beach, like a dinner like Dina. So I asked the hotel to plan something for us then I didn't expect like they would do it so grand. You know, kinda like leading to the heart and everything. My heart was like red in color with roses

and

candles. Like is this like a bit too much. I just want a simple, you know like by the beach dinner. So in the end I posted online and people like, is it, is it the time, is it like I'm

going to propose or something. I was like, you had some fun and they give you a yacht. Yeah. And what was going through your mind when I was like, oh my God, this is like way too romantic for you to to be a normal dinner. Yeah, proposal. But at the end of the dinner, there's nothing, you check, you, check the champagne glass, anything and he and nothing, nothing.

You

guys laughed about it after, I'm sure. Yeah, that was hilarious. Thanks for sharing that with us. We have never known that hilarious moment. So for myself, I think for my friends and I sometimes we chat about this, I've got a couple of close friends getting married this year and next year as well. So, so we've talked about like, you know if they were to get proposed to the ones that haven't gotten engaged yet, like what it would

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