Are men simply terrible listeners?

Welcome back to another episode of men explained clearly episode after episode we realized they still have a lot of explaining to do and we have a lot of learning to do. I have the perfect guest for today's topic. Welcome Kitchen.

Hi, Hello,

how are you? I'm good. Please tell audience I think or two about yourself.

I'm kitchen, I'm a actor host and social media personality. Sometimes

you are also on billboards and ads and I see you once in a while and

practically practically the annoying guy that you want to skip ads on Youtube most of the time every month I get an ad and then my friends go, can you get off youtube was like why are you being cheap? Just get youtube premium.

Exactly. Today we're talking about listening listening. Oh you don't like it already is you know? Yeah. The age old question. Our men simply

Terrible listeners. Yes, thank you for having me. Really? That's it. That's our episode five seconds, we're done. What

what what is there to say? Don't you think listening is a very important part of like communication and you know, conversation even amongst friends and

all that. I I so what are you saying? You see you have the perfect guest? I wasn't listening but there's a time and place to listen. Right? I think the question is when when do you listen? So when when when I'm being paid

to that's

it like this show. Okay, so I'm being paid to be here. So I'm listening to every word you're saying. But if I'm not being paid to listen really

even amongst friends, like when you're chilling and I

wasn't

listening an important part of your conversation.

I thought being there for them was the biggest part.

So you're physically being there. But mentally you're thinking of like, what to eat for dinner, what to do later.

Okay. Like right now I'm talking to you. Yes. But I was just thinking should I take the taxi home later? Should I take the bus? You know, badly

offended?

I do

producers. I think you need to pay him a little bit more so that he can be more present in

This conference. Is there another $1,000, sonya? Do you have my undivided attention?

Oh, that's it. Is it? You have the written contract for

$1,000. 1

1000 you will listen. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Anyway, I just wanted to ask you, do you think you are a good listener?

No, no. This isn't amongst friends. I am.

Come on. Your friends are watching right now. They're watching right now. And I think they have something to say in the comments. Because

here's the thing about me. See, I cannot speak for men in general, but in my experience, Yes, this is the reason why I don't play poker because I don't have the poker face. Oh yeah, I'm so expressive in my expressions, right? I can never lie. Like if someone says something stupid to me, you'd be like, your stupid, isn't it? You

Okay, that's a good one. I feel like, you know, people always say, Oh, guys can't multitask or men are bad listeners. But I feel like for us as well, I don't think it's really gender specific. I sometimes feel like I'm not the best listener in certain moments too. Like I sometimes can space out, I can sometimes blank out. I can sometimes fade out in the conversation a little bit and people can tell, right? You know? So I don't think it's just men. I don't know. Do you

I'm joking. I'm joking. No, but it's it's it's very true when it comes to multitasking in the mind for a guy. Um, I'm listening. Yes. I'm also thinking about something else and my face is also doing something else and I feel like I do that all the time. And my mom, she's no holds barred at home and she lets me know just the other night, she just went, I hate talking to you. She said in my face, she's like, I hate talking to you.

bonding but the fish

tank light like these lights in my face when she stopped talking the moment she stops just can you off the fish tank like,

and she's like, did you hear

a word I said Exactly. Oh my God. And I was like, yes, yes, yes I did. But how about we turn that off and then continue and just you know what, I hate talking to you, you do this all the time. Every time I say something, you're looking somewhere else, you're thinking of something else and I just have this short span attention span like I would go to the kitchen and I would make a cup of coffee and then she would come in and then she would say something

international care if I'm starting

my day, I like that. Yes. And then you walk out of the kitchen now here's the thing. Everybody if you're just want you to know if you're walking out, don't talk to me like its international. If you're walking out or somewhere don't talk. But I don't know why people find it the best time to talk to somebody when they're leaving a particular location. Here's

why. So my mom sometimes does it too and she says because at any other time she can't catch me to tell me something. So in those moments like when I'm like doing something that's not so like work related or like I'm on the phone, I'm not on zoom call, whatever it is the perfect time to like raise certain things because then if not she won't be able to talk to me otherwise

no, I can't do it. I can't every time. Like I'll be walking to the hall and then and then she would catch me and I'll be like, no, I got to listen but it depends on the time. I feel like when it comes to men we need to be, there's a time and place for everything. You just catch me tell me, hey I need to have a chat about this, prepare myself, I'll get ready for the conversation. Now Go, you're on the clock. Yeah,

that's so different actually. This kind of segways nicely into my next question because you know when, when us girls, when we get together and when we chat and talk right, I feel like it's very different when guys get together and chat and talk about feelings like do you guys, you know, sort of like, hey, you want to go grab a coffee or a drink and then how long do you take to talk about your problems and your issues?

And I think the problems usually never shows up really just in a few seconds and you know, it just, it just within guys like in a group of guys, like remember hanging out with my guy friends just hanging out and then I think there was never a time we just went what problems? You know, the other day, I felt so shitty about this thing idea. Okay. You know, just what

does it sound like me and my girlfriend? I guess. Sorry, we can go on for six hours about the same thing. Yeah, yeah. And we still don't come to a conclusion. I don't know if you can feel me on that.

That's the fun part because I hang out with friends this couple, right? And then he, you've got to coax him out and ask him what is your problem? What's happening? Why do you look like this? And my listening skills with him very short because it's yeah you know the other day she's going to me for this and I'm like yeah I understand. I got you. That's it. I got it yeah that's it. I got it. And then 10 seconds I got you bro you know next time why don't you do that? And we get it,

a solution.

Okay that's my experience. Too bad. You know I mean I grew up sitting on the toilet bowl and that matters. Yeah

thank you for the information that we did not ask for.

You know I don't need like a but when she when the girlfriend started telling me about her problems, oh my God the details you blanked out. Is it?

What were the details forgot? Ready? Right.

It's like he wakes up in the morning and he takes a walk to the toilet and he's in there for I don't know how long and then and then I don't know what he does in there and then he doesn't even want to lift up the toilet and then when I walk into the toilet and then I see all of these and then I get angry. The point of the entire thing was actually just to tell me that he didn't lift up the seat and I sat there going,

I actually get what you mean because you know in my own life as well, like with my own partner as well, like sometimes when I go on about something like I'm bitching about a day at work or like a ship day that I had or whatever, he's just like and the point is like dot dot dot and the point all right, I'll get to the point right now. So I don't know whether it's just innately in us, Like when we sit down with our girlfriends and we talk about our problems and we are more than happy

you know guys, we just cut that show and go, yeah, he was a dick,

Okay, so then what do you do with the rest of the time hanging out? What do you talk about for the rest? I'm so curious about this. I just want to like listen, be a fly on the wall in a hangout session with just the guys.

You ever see a bunch of dogs get together just walking around just barking around, wagging our tails, sitting there enjoying each other's company and they're going, yeah, you see that? Yeah, you see

the Spider man. Yeah, that's great.

Yeah that's that's that's about it, wow. I never understood that. We can see it. Okay and chill and say absolutely nothing and be happy with our lives.

What you guys sound like, such simple

creatures, you know? But then when we are so passionate about something yes then we get into it. It's like two dogs barking, you know, some things that you're so, I mean I'm passionate about filmmaking and acting and tv and dinosaurs and I'm a big Jurassic park fan. So if you start talking about Jurassic park, I just go on and on. Did you see the film? So and then now my group is into N. F. T. S. Yeah, so it goes on forever. Yeah. So I usually excuse myself from the group most of the time.

So you're not in? You're not into that conversation. Okay. That's why I

became an artist darling because I can't do the one plus one. How you can do the creative stuff. Bang. And then you get when, when two guys are so passionate about 10 FPs, did you, did you watch list that you mean that pop, pop, pop, pop, pop pop,

that's all he picked up from the current, the word meant

by a digital picture having on the Blockchain, something like that. And then I'm like, yeah, I'd rather talk to your girlfriend at this point

about

the toilet seat, walking to the toilet in the morning routine. So you know, and sometimes I would tell us telling you so long with, so that's where you

fade out basically. Yeah, I don't think that it's specific to like men that they were bad listeners at least that's how I feel. I feel like it's something specific to the person as well because I have, I have, you know, great friends, like very close best friends that are also, I mean the guys and they're great listeners and they sit down one on one with me talk about life, talk about relationships, They want to get in

I said, there's a time and place and moment for that. So if he were to text me and say, hey, look, I have a problem. I have this and that I'm prepared. Now. I'm prepared not to have any sort of fun for that day. I'm prepared to sit there and then you know, and then you rattle off and then I'll take my notes mentally

or mentally

I'm not gonna sit there and actually right now I'm having so much problem. Would you like buying life insurance at the same time? Why don't you buy a full support life plan? Because you sound like you're about to get hit by a bus. I mean your girlfriend, but you know, you take the notes and then you, you are there for your guy friend and then you are listening to what he has to say and then you take notes and then you give,

because I'm currently reading a book called the Courage to be disliked.

Really recommend it to you. I don't even need that, but I can tell you what's that? Okay? I'm loved for my mouth. I'm also disliked for my mouth, understandably, right. I mean, I try not to hurt feelings, but I am blunt and I get to the point and if you are close to me and I'm close to you, I'm just gonna say like it is you get that

dynamic, you know, you're a close friend

and I expect that from my friends to tell me don't be friends. Yeah, yeah. So my friends know this and then they will go look here the other day, you were supposed to do this and you did that and I didn't like it and I appreciate that very much. I love that. And then I would tell them in their face instead

of like bottling up your and I think this is this applies to more than just relationships. But even in friend groups and stuff as well, because the bigger your group is sometimes it's like internal politics or whatever. And then, you know, you want to confide a bit about this person to like someone else and the movement that causes this like weird rift and energy and all

that. And you know the thing about being blunt is you have to be a very good listener. Yes, because that's the job when you are a blunt guy or you're saying jokes or you or you want to say something, somebody you actually have to be a very good listener and catch the keywords, right? Right. You know, and as somebody who makes jokes half my bloody life, You've got to catch and then you've got to, that's

beach and a beer Okay. Where the butterflies came from? I'm

not sure. But I don't know, I just needed something nice there. You know, maybe I should have like fish. I don't know, I don't like no, we just we just want to pretend that we have this carefree life. We don't want to think about all these feelings and stuff like that. We are listening. We are there. We we want to have that chat with you, We want to open up. But you know when it comes to men, I've got no problems, you know, good. I started, you know, she's the one with the problem.

then bringing that back to when you had a problem and you had an issue and you wanted someone to listen. How long can you go on talking for and how much do you expect this person to give you like in terms of attention in terms of suggestions, ideas, solutions. I don't know

I speak in .4. Yeah.

Okay

summaries so can't be too long. Went down to see the other day I went out and then I bumped into this person he said this to me and then I said that back and then he got a fender and then I went this way and then I did that and then my friend said okay so and then once I get the point from on then they go back to this point and they go yeah but what did you say at this moment that you see now that's the conversation. Thank you for listening. Instead of me going.

Okay wait so why the details not important?

Why the details not important details

to me. I feel it is important. I agree

with you. The details are absolutely important but it's how you phrase those details. Okay

Okay I get it.

That's when you catch, right, Do you want to put s a with two details in there or summarize the two lines with two details in there and then have a conversation that's faster. Sometimes

I feel it's just a build up, you know? I don't know. It's more like like I'm trying to make a point so I need to build it up. Like the reason why this happened is because I was here at this time and because we were supposed to meet here to do something, you know what I mean? Like so I'm like, oh that's why the build up is important and that's why amongst us girls that we always get into the nitty gritty details and we just let them talk like we just let

Yeah, it's closed. No, no, I get it. I memorize point for me

but not point form. You know, it's just like if it's really unnecessary then maybe I won't include it. But I'm not opposed to listening to it.

I mean okay if you're talking about film. Yeah. And

this is something

he's interested in you see and then and then and then and then when you do a tv show what's the most important thing character, our character building. You know, sometimes an unnecessary scene like

could waste like 10 minutes of your screen

time making a cup of coffee, you know to, you might not mean anything but you're feeling for the character at this particular moment you're relating to him and then for her and then you move on through that story. Art, you grow that compassion for your character

and maybe it was sponsored by an espresso last year. Also product placement.

I don't know. I see your stories. I see that going dammit. I want one of those capsules. Exactly. Nespresso have a machine that up please. That is very important for filmmaking in the outside world. Sometimes it's not a 3-hour long film. It's true. You really can't sit there and listen. But when you go and watch a film like that, those long stories, you're prepared for it. So I'm not saying you need to be

mentally prepared for your night out with your friends

prepared, you know, netflix and chill. You put on the movie and go like, um, so are we going to do it now? You

Already, you already allocated the two or 3 hours? Yeah.

Yeah. Some of the asian Slaw. Right. I live with my mom. So there's, there's, there's time slots. Yes. Yes. You know what time she comes back. So it's a fast paced world and when you're talking about listening, my job on a daily basis is to listen, I have to listen to my costar. It's true.

It's true. I totally agree. I have to listen to joking. I mean, that's torture, right? So kidding, kidding.

Like I said, like, it's really the time and place and honestly what I feel like an absolute girl, if I were to tell the truth, I like joining my girlfriends, girlfriends and sit down and actually really listen to them and talk.

Really, I feel like this is

absolutely honest.

I feel like this is the peak of our conversation right now. Self acceptance and awareness.

I mean, the entire three quarters this podcast is me making a joke about men being such dumb fox not listening, right? But we I I honestly love sitting down listening to that gossip, right? Yeah, the t is being spilled. Like absolutely hilarious. Like a stand up show when you guys talk about the details that she had that hair extension, She thinks that Botox, you see when she laughed and she looked, you

know, now I need to go and find out who he's been hanging out with. So I know this person

and then I'm sitting there going, oh my God, that is hilarious. And then I'll be watching and oh yeah, the Botox. Really? When she loved it?

Is she laughing? Or is she

not? Yeah, that's true, but it's because you guys said it, right? And then I'm like, right, right?

It's ok trust me, if you just listen in on a girls chat it can be bitchy. F Okay? Like seriously? No. And you think

I'm not listening, right? But then fast forward. This one catches your attention and then three weeks later I'll be like, wasn't that the one you're talking about the other day and then you are not listening to me like that? Yeah man, we pretend not to listen. Actually we are there you are there. And the reason why we pretend not to listen so that you don't counter check what you said, right? Because we'll never get it right? Just

you basically

just all your just basically Yeah. The dog. What? This one after the other the other day you said auntie Margaret. What what what the other yeah. Another

story for another day. Okay. But we're taking it back from you know just conversations, sitting down conversation to texting. Is there a difference from you know the sit down conversations that you have with your friends or girlfriends or girlfriend or whatever? And the texting? Because I know sometimes we've actually addressed the whole art of texting a couple of times during our episodes. Do you are you a texter in the

First things first when I text people is in full sentences because I can't do the I don't know, I'm a boomer that will I keep my problems to myself. Okay. Why? It's my problem, it's not yours. But sometimes you need like a ventilator board right? Yeah screaming the pillow. You know, did you sit by my own? Usually I just rented my mom and like she's like why your face like that? You gave birth to this face? What

think I think there's a balance. I feel like because if I know that my friend that I'm hanging out with had a bad time or isn't you know, going is going through something and also ideal and all that. I would want to be there for my friend and I would want to get that out of the way first. Okay. I don't know if it's a self awareness thing, but if I'm having a ship day, I will immediately tell my group of friends, by the way, I'm not going to harp on this for too long,

minus the total opposite. Like I will keep it in, put on a good smile, keep it we will have a great day and then when the time comes and you need to do it, I'll just let you know okay and then we would have if it's not on a fun day, you know, it's time to sit down and have a chat about it. We'll do that when it comes to texting most of the time. I just go, what are you guys up to tonight? I'm busy. It's okay. That's at the end. I don't really but I'm the one who's always um and I feel

I think that's very appreciated as well and that's considered a good form of being you know support a good listener. Okay so on that note if you're you know let's say in an argument on text or like a heated conversation of some sort or whatever. And And you send like multiple messages like .1 I'm this you know that that making a point and stuff and the person on the receiving end just replies like one message. Does that like tissue off or I feel like you have an example coming I will

murder you if you don't read. There's a reason why I typed every damn thing. Yeah yeah yeah yeah that's paragraph one paragraph to read paragraph one and then read to and then reply me like the chronological order. Like if you come and tell me you saw Star Wars five and then you saw one I will punch you in the face. You're gonna watch 456123 and then watch the T. V. Shows. You know it's it has an order is an order. Yes I pisces me off

that They prompt you again. You write full sentences. Hello? Yeah, it's

like a you, what do you want to have for dinner? Where shall we go then? The first question,

what do you want to eat? Anything? I

write for fun? Like you said for fun, is it? Yeah, I took all that time to click click click campaign. No, pays me off. Like I have like the other question, they'd be like, oh yeah, it's a singaporean thing. You think so? Yeah. So

now it's no longer like a man versus woman thinks

it's a singaporean thing. You know, I just have this pet peeve for singaporeans asking me and saying damn things Sometimes My, my current pet peeves, yes. If I were to say that it is not reading the full text or it's like asking if I ask you two questions in one sentence, you just say yes. It's like, hey, you want to meet later at 7 30 or shall we go here? Yes,

without giving any details. Is it?

You know, I just go like, oh my God, is this the day I'm going to have the second one is it's an obvious location, there's nothing to do here but the obvious thing. And you asked me what you are doing here.

So that's your other pet peeve,

is it? Right, right, right. Like I said, if you both

at spin class and you're like, hey, what are you doing

here? That would be bad, here's the, here's, here's, here's an

example, okay.

And I'm like, you see as much as I don't like that, he said, I love listening to these kind of people because it just riles me up. So I was walking to the gym on the way to the gym, I spot a newly opened gym right next to my house, so I thought, let's check it out now. Mind you, if you saw me from afar, you'd be like, you're going to the gym because you know, you're dressed

and you're, you know, near their backpack, gym

shoes, gym shorts and I walk into the gym and the receptionists or whatever you call, the person standing in front of the gym, looks at me and goes, you are here for in that tone really you are here for? And I snap man, I just, I apologize, but I want to buy a goat.

Oh my God, no, you did not say

that literally to buy a goat. Do you have one here? What did you see that exactly that I said. Exactly. That. Is there anything else to do here? And this is active S. G. Yeah, they just had weights, there's no Pilates class. There's no doom, basically just equipment. Equipment Yeah. And I walked out and said, you know what, this place ain't for me, I mean, why can't you go,

can I help you? Yes, okay. I think we can be friends.

Did you sign up for this? You know what you're here for in that like,

condescending tone, is it?

It's the same thing as writing three lines and then you reply to which one you choose. It's the same thing you are here for in this group chat. For what

I think, you know, this definitely ties back to being a good listener, a good communicator and just being more aware, right? I think in general,

I'd be very honest with you. I think the roles are reversed. I think men should be called females and females should become men. I think, I

think that the lines are just blood in general. You know what

I want to throw all you men under the bus right now crap. Let's just be honest here. How many times have we gotten together and bitched and gossip and shared long ask detailed questions or stories. But then when we go back and then we pretend like we just hang out. Yeah, but I tell you, man, I knew it. I knew

it. This is literally

just throwing on it. But you're sitting there going, what the other deal he like, then we go to sleep and then we, you know, whatever y'all do. We do, we just pretend that we're not doing it

on. And on that note,

thank

You for watching this episode of men explain. I think we're going to lose 80% of our male followers right now. See you next time.

Yeah. They're all embarrassed and shy and hiding, but you know what? I think it's time to come clean guys. We a bunch of gossip girls like, okay, hello? Yeah, let me sit down there and just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Don't lie. Don't lie to yourself.

I think that you had a nice character arc during this podcast. Actually, if I would drop a filmmaking term in there somehow, he was like kissing the guy that I see on tv, on videos on instagram tiktok, whatever. And as the time went by, he actually had this wonderful character arc. I have to say, I don't know if you noticed it. Yeah, maybe when you re watch this, you might notice it and you might not have any other friends after this podcast so you can just come and chat with

me. Do I even have friends at this point? I mean, I think that's what they love about me. The bluntness, the crudeness, maybe the joke's on this side of

as well.

Yeah. And I think, I mean I'm looking into the camera. Only my close friends know the serious times, the quiet times, the heart to heart talks there listening that I had to do.

We should charge them by the minute is

it should send the invoice each time I had to counsel everybody. Nobody. That's the funny thing. As much as I portray myself to be. This guy's like hurry up, let's get there. Let's go. Yes.

This is the, yeah,

I end up having the most people come to me to have a chat. They want to tell me the other day they want to talk

about their problems to

me. Yes, I think they just know it's because I'm going to listen. I'm going to give you some sort of an experience of mind. Maybe you can learn from that to help your situation and then I will make a joke about it and then turn your whole day around.

Oh, okay, Shawn, thank you so much for joining us. I don't know why I'm laughing. This has been a journey. I feel like we need to do like a character art, graph of position throughout this entire one hour. Yeah, literally a graph to see like where his character went. But I really appreciate that because we get to see different sides of each other because you know, we're always like only seeing each other like you know, work sort

pleasantly you made it very comfortable to be the other side of me Also, thank you very much. You

are most welcome to conclude this whole thing today. You know, I think the lines are very blurred. It may not be specific to you know, just men or just women. Like I feel in general we can be good or bad listeners regardless of gender, right? You

Know, it's just boils down to your personality, man. It's not gender whatsoever. Having hung out with gay men. Yeah, 100%. They are the best listeners man and they will catch you. We

talked for six hours. I love it. Oh my God, thank you so much for listening to this episode of Men explain if you like this episode, please hit the follow button. We are on Spotify and Apple podcast. Also, please do follow us at its clarity dot com on instagram and facebook for more of our content and we'll see you next time. Thanks christian

was the fun for me. Thank you. Goodbye.