Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of men. Explain today we're going straight to it. Are men too logical and unromantic or are they simply not putting in enough effort? I've got a couple here with me here today. Please introduce yourself. You guys, hi,
everyone. I'm Fabian. Um This is my wife. We just got married and we are expecting a child. I'm
Deborah in case you forgot my
name. I thought I'm introducing myself, then you introduce yourself,
introduce both of us. I mean, you guys, people might have already seen you on social media, on tiktok on all these places. So how has that sort of changed your relationship so far? I mean, you know, you started off with being very open about your relationship. Not everyone is OK with that, but you guys were and it was a
hit funny story is that when we first started tiktok, right? Yeah, my videos would not show her face. They
will show like like they hide, my face will not be shown this one. So launching, show my face. I break up with you, you know, a
so her is like if she breaks up with me I can still find someone with the same body
and then you can replace me. And
obviously it is a long joke, but it worked out and then we started to show ourselves on social media more and more. Yeah, we did not expect to blow up. He was doing the lockdown and we had nothing to do. And we just started creating like couple comedy and like pranking each other.
But it started from him. He had like a lot of strange idea. He's like each other. I want to do that idea, you know, for like my 23 followers or let's do those fun, fun, fun, fun. Got nothing
to do. Don't attack my 23 followers. I was like,
supporting you. So you guys compliment each other somehow. I feel. So
and the weird part is that we have so little in common when we first started dating, like, really tell me more about like, I like gaming. I like anime. I like, I like, like, like stuff but she is the complete opposite. So like movies that I like to watch. Lord of the Rings. She does not,
I don't, I can't follow a lot of the Rings too much. Like I really try it and he made me watch anime and I want to try for the whole first episode. I'm like, why does she suddenly have things like what's happening here?
I couldn't like we had so little in common but the beauty of it that when we first started dating, like, her concern was like, do you think, like, we have very little in common? Is that going to be like a factor? I'm like, actually it makes sense because now you got the best of both worlds. Yeah. And it's always like you always get to do something new. It's always a different experience. Her interest. I need to learn my, my interest, she learns and it's like something new you
always introducing to the relationship. It does compliment
me a lot. Like, actually I'm very logical talking about whether men are more logical today, more pessimistic. He's like a dreamer. You
know why we do this? And she's like pulling me. No, be real.
Yeah, that, that's not gonna happen. OK. OK. So since you're talking about your early courtship days, tell me, how did he commend you to convince you that, hey, you know, this could be something I want to work at since you had not so much in common in the beginning, I think for me, I'm a very guarded person. Yeah. So like, um, I don't know, is it trauma or another for another day? But I was like a really guarded person. So I'm someone who I realized like, don't lay my cards on
the table, right? I'm still, I'm clear like what the other person want. So I feel like the best thing he did in the beginning of our course, he's just such a, you know, they say like golden retriever energy. Yeah, like he's just so like, oh like he's so straightforward, he's so confident in like, in his feelings. So he's always just like, yeah, you know, I like you. I want to date you. Yeah, this is what I do. Not like
I was like straight forward.
So it's like for me, it made me feel very safe to pursue the relationship, right? So he gave you the assurance first. Then you like, OK, maybe I go right. That's right. That's right. So he he told me loves me first. So after I was like, let me contemplate this new information and then yeah, I know. So that's very much our dynamic in the beginning. That's cute guys. That's very cut and we met on coffee me and he's like, oh I deleted the app and everything. So
it's very like there's no game. You're like, ok, let me think about that. My premium account, she
was, she was my last date, but I was her first date. So that was the beginning of her dating phase. That was the end of my dating.
You just, and I just went in there and like I'm ending the dating now
is over after I met her. I was like, oh man, I'm going to marry this girl. Yeah, and I I'm going to marry this girl, but she was like, I still want to like date. I mean, it's fair enough Right, because she just started dating. I can't hold her down. So like I did, I did in the sense that I said I told
so, then my next question is, what are your perceptions of romance? For example, because I think in a, in a relationship, you know, in a couple, right. It's kind of hard to always be on the same page. Like, what I might think is romantic is not what my partner thinks is romantic. And if we don't get on the same page of each other's love languages for lack of a better word, then we may not feel like we are giving each other the romance or the affection. So maybe we start with you. Tell us what is
your idea of romance? So I've always known that I'm a very like away from cliche and big romantic gestures, like 99 roses. Like those doesn't hit me like I feel very like, you know, but yeah, I'm super into like daily romance. I remember one of my favorite quotes about love was I want a Tuesday kind of love. Is that from a song? I, I don't know where I think I was in my tumblr face or
I don't know.
No, I don't think so. I
mean, it
sounds so cliche. No, but it's like I remember even on my dating app, they were like, what's your idea of a perfect Sunday or whatever? And I was like, oh, we're waking up we're making pancakes and then we go on, you know, like the kind of daily, daily thing. So that is my idea of romance. I find that like, super romantic, you know, daily stuff. Not like, I don't know what to do with flowers, like they die. And then I'm like, what do I
do with that now? You know. So I don't, I don't like this kind of things and I think, I think coincidentally he is someone of a very, like, everyday romance kind of. Oh, ok. So both of you have the same idea of what romance is. Yes. But I think there was also much learning to be done
because the learning was big. Yeah.
Ok. You can tell us what is your idea when
we first started dating? There was a lot that I needed to learn and change. There was a period so that she actually broke up with me for one month and it was actually during that period that I realized actually, you know what I've been a, I've been a dick and I needed to change for, for her. And yeah, I did, I did a lot of like, learning and like, you know, self development. Yeah. So I realized that because I love her, I need to accept things that are not right with me. I need to
change this aspect of myself. I need to change my laziness, my attitude towards the way I treat her. And like, even even like daily things like making coffee for her last time I'll be like making noise. I like, can you just go do it yourself, like, you know? Yeah.
You realize that that is how she likes to be appreciated.
Correct? Yeah. So like things like bring her out for walks or like, like a dog but she's very, like after a while I start to learn and that she is actually very easy to please in, in terms of like she likes like she just like
maybe I want to give you a shovel right now today the day I
die. No, no. But she loves this as a compliment for her. Like she she loves like just making her cup noodles and like making her coffee simple things and she finds that like that's her romantic like gesture that I can do for
her. I think there's something romantic about people knowing the small things that you like pay attention to that and then giving that to you, you know, like everyone can buy flowers, you know, but it's like, what are the very specific things he knows? I like this specific brand of whatever the way I like my coffee. You know, these are like the romantic stuff that I feel.
Yeah, I'm actually a very hopeless and romantic kind of person. Ok. So let's get to this
in romantic from hopeless, romantic,
hopeless. I was very bad at like I was, he
took a course and our relationship
along the way. I kind of realized that, that um ok, so like, I don't want to talk about my past relationships, but it was bad because I realized after meeting her that wait, I actually do need to change a lot. I need to grow up, you know. So like when it came to her, I wanted to be serious. So things like she had this thing where she said that, ok, when we did every single week, we have to go for at least a date night. Ok. So we don't let die off and we still carry that tradition three years
later until today. So at the time, like why must we do that? Like why, why you need to preplan just go out, go out, you know, that kind of thing. So like I realized that she is someone who likes to preplan stuff and then I have to lock it down and then she likes that like, like that authority. She doesn't like that last minute. Let just go. She finds that unromantic
total opposite. Like you want to do this. OK? You want to do this? Yeah. OK. So do you date people who are exactly like you but somehow or totally opposite. I mean, I am seeing somebody now. Um I would say he is very much like you like he's very like he would be 12345 and today I'm doing 5214 somehow just opposite. People just meet each other and each other. I don't know what
it is. Fun. Right. It's funny
in a way sometimes he gets irritated because he's like, but, but I will give him credit because he also realized that, hey, we have to learn about each other's patterns and, like, how we work and certain things cannot entirely be changed. You know? And you don't want to completely change your. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In a way. Ok. So we get to you now, what is your idea of romance? Does she meet the requirements?
I'm actually a very easy guy, please. Like, um, like, I love it when she takes interest in my interest. So for example, like, like anime Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I really, really love it. Like, there are a few times where she's like, can I play video games? I'm like, wow, where did that come from? So, like, I will be out like my other Playstation controller and we will be playing games but then I get frustrated because, oh my God. Yeah. But, but I really love it.
I really love it and then like, spontaneous things where she, like, say let's watch Game of Thrones all over again. I'm like, oh my God, I'm down, oh my God, you're speaking my language. There's two love languages that we have to, that we, like, portray the strongest, right? Like for hours it's time and touch both. We have the same, but I read it somewhere that we actually, we have the hidden love language as well on the third and mine
is actually words of affirmation. I realized it likewise. Yeah. Yeah. Hers is act of service. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. So I love it. Like when she like says things like, like just to boost my confidence and my moral up, you know, it's like, because I mean, sometimes it like life gets you down but she's always there to like pick me back up. Yeah. So I love these moments from her. It's like those simple, simple things that just brings me back up. So, yeah,
I feel like this whole podcast is a bit of a bonding session for two of you therapy session.
Yeah. Turns out soon. Third party. I just, I just
be $200 actually 252 150 girls. Ok. Anyway, so on that note, you know, since we are on a good role there, I have some um some research that has been done and theories that you may or may not agree with. So let's read some of it out and discuss. Ok. Now the first one is men tend to fall in love faster whereas women are more guarded. True or
no, I will speak for myself. True, true, true, true. And
for you, you think, yeah, for
sure. I had to chase her hard, hard,
she needed convincing that she doesn't need to be on the app
anymore, like hundreds every day. Like
an interview. What is your biggest strength? OK. The next one is men say I love you first. Whereas women say I love you more often. And you mentioned this earlier that he said it first
hand.
I wonder if I say it more often.
Um
Somehow, same, same I feel, I feel the same way. I mean, I don't think who said I love you first. I actually, I'm not sure. Uh, being, being very Capricorn, we might have timed it. But I mean, like today you say, ok. No, no, but I accidentally introduced him as my boyfriend first, accidentally, accidentally. So it wasn't a trap or anything or was it? But he was like, oh, I just realized that you
addressed me as your boyfriend. I was like, oh my God, I didn't realize that you mean you are not exclusive. I was like, wait, this is new information. So, yeah. II, I honestly can't remember. It might have been around the same time.
I think like that was my moment. Most nerve wracking moment to tell her that I love her. Did
you plan when exactly? Or you felt that it was all the time? This was
after she broke up with me. And then I said, do you want to go for supper one month later? And then I went on for supper. I love you, by the way, in case you don't know if, if I in case I don't ever get to say this in case you don't want to date me. I actually love you. Yeah, it's very cliche. I was like,
but I was gonna respond. He is like, OK, just hold that thought because I need to pee and then he drove off and then he was like see you tomorrow or something like that. I was like, I was like you just flat. I think I only said it maybe a month plus later. Yeah, girl, you know,
and within that month, I still like said I love you on this but she would not reply that kind of stuff. So I didn't give up. And then like I remember there was one time when I was sleeping I think and then she just said I love you. I like what, what did you say? I was like, wait. Yeah, I thought about it. So it took her one month to
say that honestly could just sometimes be a personality difference like the way that we process things for sure. Ok. The next one is how men fall in love have more to do with physical appearance. Whereas women access more factors like personality and similarities and so on.
Ok, I know this is going to sound like a very big move, but I would say that physical appearance does that matter. It does matter for me. Uh like everyone has a type, right? Everyone has a physical type like I know my physical type and I look for that in a woman, but there's also another thing called emotional type, like character wise. So just because I meet the physical type does not mean that they
are my type emotionally. Yeah. And she aligned perfectly. So like when I look for someone like, yeah, appearance wise it matters for me. Yeah.
What about you? What do you think? Like for me, attraction in the beginning is definitely super important and that's very much physical, right? You see a person like, oh does he give you butterflies or not? You know, you know, actually I feel like sometimes people will say, oh, it's about inner beauty don't be so superficial but I think and this is not to sound like an ass or anything, but you do still need to be attracted to each other, right?
Like physical appearance is subjective, but all that matters is that you guys are into it, right? Yeah. And I'm not saying that it has to be like a like perfect and someone who is super super is my type, you know, immediately, but they have to be some at least give you some form of attraction makes you feel you feel like, OK, you know, let's explore it. So I think the initial attraction is always physical. Yeah. And then after that, you let the other aspects kind of tune you out like do I
like this or not? Because there's no way that there's no way if you are attracted to the person that you can still forgive, like, you know, things are not your type in terms of the personality type, right? I do feel at the end of the day, like I still want to get to know you as a person, your character, whether we click emotionally, whether we solve problems well, together, you know, that, that kind of important stuff because I'm
a serial relationship per person. Like, ok, guys, I'm gonna be single or boom to your relationship. Serial monogamy. I don't know why. I don't know why I always set out to be single and that never happens. Yeah, I think because people like us, we just like for me, I'm not good at being single. Yeah. No, I'm not afraid to admit. I do feel like sometimes I need someone to experience life with. Ok. The next one is men tend to express affection through more physical means, for example,
initiating intimacy or sex. Is that
true? Oh, yeah. Um I definitely give, I remember the first kiss I ever gave her like it was just random. She was talking, I was just looking at her and just waiting for the kiss. Oh OK.
So I remember this is so funny because it was our second date. OK? And he was like, oh, my brother is proposing to his girlfriend and then after that we're having a small party, you know, at my place. So you want to come for the after party. And I said, where your parents will be at? And he was like, and he was like, no, no, no, don't worry, you will not see my parents at all. They are upstairs, we will be downstairs. You know, you
will not get to even interact with them. And I went there and then not even 10 minutes in the house, like my dad would like to speak to
you. No. OK. Wait. And then we
spend 1.5 hour just talking to the parents. I was like, I did not expect to meet this girl but I had some wine. OK. Yeah. So at one point I felt like I was floating out of my body watching myself answer questions. I was like, how are you doing this?
But she nailed it, nailed it. Oh Yeah.
And then he's like, OK, I need to kiss this girl to lock this down.
Obviously not
in my mind. I'm like trying to piece this scene together and your parents are in every scene like and they're like, we are still
here, you know, that's my boy. Yeah.
OK. The last one here, women are better at remembering dates and events that mark important milestones of the relationship. Do you think that's true?
Yeah. 100
percent. I actually disagree. I am so I am so bad at it. I'm good at it because you, you,
I feel like she's so organized because you're
also bad. So she says, oh yeah, tomorrow is our anniversary. You like you, you know, if I'm lying, right? I don't even know.
You know, even for normal dates that she plans, she has to send a Google invite invite so we can remember it. So like she's so organized that even anniversary birthdays is all there. That's great.
My calendar because it's just so packed, right? If it's not my calendar, it doesn't exist like the agenda doesn't exist. So I have everything has to be down. If not,
I forget. So she reminds me everything. I can't remember my own nephew's birthdays and stuff like that. So she just write it all for you. She reminds me, ok, this, this Saturday, we have your nephew's birthday. We are going, I'm like, ok, let's go buy a gift. Yeah. So she locks everything down and I'm like, ok, let's do it.
Yeah. Yeah. Great. Very complimentary. I love
that. But like I said, it took a lot of learning at the start because I'm not used to it. I'm like a very free spirited person. Yeah. Yeah.
Ok. So then in that case between the two of you, since we already know who said I love you first and all that. Who is the more logical one? And it's got to be her, right? More logical. Yeah, for sure. So, in your opinion, there's nothing wrong with being so logical in a relationship Oh, definitely. But I feel like somehow in my experience, the logical people always find the dreamers because like the dreamers, right? Sometimes they just dream so high up and then we pull
them back to the ground with execution of possibilities. But for us, like for me as a logical person, sometimes I kind of think too small because I'm so logical, right?
I want to know what is possible and I only think within that box, but sometimes he inspires me with like, oh, but you know, we could do something like that and I'm like, ok, maybe not that but something in between and then we kind of get to that, you know, so he helps me like dream a bit bigger, I would say yes, like, so you mean in the middle somehow, you mean in the middle? Like he inspires me and I think I help him, I ground him.
So it really, really helps. So then why do you think people have the perception that men are perceived to be less romantic? Because I feel now it sounds more like a personality, character driven, individual driven? I
would say that actually it comes to like sometimes men, we are just very lazy to plan a lot of things, especially romance. I, for me personally, I cringe at big romance romance moment, which is exactly like her. She, there are a lot of women out there that I know who like those. A lot of women, friends, family. I'm going to put it out there, friends, family. Um That's all.
Leave a comment now to prove that you exist. I know cousins and my sisters, they
like those big, they like flowers. She doesn't like flowers. She says flowers die. I'm like, ok, good point. Let's not buy flowers for me. I don't have to waste money. But there are a lot of people who like big romance moments and as a guy that it stresses you out, I have friends who also complain to me like my wife's birthday or my girlfriend's birthday is coming. I do not know what to do. They are just clueless. They don't know what we do not know what to do.
Like we do not know whether this will please them or they will be like, wow, why waste money or like, you know, like the whole episode
on its own, you document all his questions. So we
really, we really don't know like how, how this stuff works. And then our best friend is Google obviously like, ok, what do we do? And then Google is like, oh, like it's the generic stuff that we really did before. Like staycation or fancy dinner.
You try chat G BT yet or not yet. That's not the idea. You know, it's never all men or all
I don't think. Maybe
it's like, like it's true that from my experience, you know, maybe seeing friends around me, men maybe do seem like less maybe detail oriented. Yeah, when it comes to a relationship, you know, with romance, you kind of need details, right? You kind of need to be about the details, you need to plan, you need to do this, you need to kind of take note of, oh she said this, what does this mean? Blah, blah, blah, women are a little bit more like maybe intuitive with that, you know,
in terms of a gender thing. Of course, this is like total stereotype. Yeah. Sometimes there are women who are like, you know, you are not white like that or men
who are not, not super romance. I, I agree and I also feel like I'm not sure if it's because of media portrayal of, you know, all these rom coms or you know, this, you know, the chase and then how they locked down the girl and you watch so much of that growing up and as a teenager, you're like reading all this kind of stuff and watching to the point where you also craft or shape a certain idea of how the courtship should be. Like, do you think that is a big, I don't know, big
controversy? Is
that a how is it in Lord of
the Rings? No, but I would say like the way they portray anime romance and like, like Korean drama and all this kind of stuff. It does factor in a lot of things. I think maybe I mean,
that's not even get started on Korean dramas. All of my friends, like, oh, it's this or no one else, like, ok, keep on dreaming girl drama. No, I don't, I don't actually like
this moment where, like, the guy chases the girl and then the girl fights the guy and then they don't talk but then after they start to, he just,
like, this is like, 20 seconds just, yeah. You know, I had to watch it at 1.5 speed. Like some, I mean, there was some dramas that, ok, I watched just because of the high point for too
long, but I would say it is a factor because, um, ok, so for, we both like shows like Brooklyn 99, the Office, um, Modern Family, all these kind of shows. She always compare me to feel from Modern Family or Gym from in the office or like, um, or like friends, her favorite. Like, they were
like, there are few characters I say, oh, that is like that, like our dynamic, right? Like Chandler and Monica, like, you know, it's very much like he's like, and I, you know, all like Amy and Jake Per, she's also like, you know, and so there's things like that. Yeah.
And, and I would say like, when I watch these shows, I always told myself like, oh, man, I want a relationship that's fun like this. Like we can tease each other, we can have fun and stuff and I don't know how it happened but I think I manifested it, found it. Yeah. Yeah. I think I manifested it but I really looked for it. It really, it was a factor because I wanted something fun. Imagine if I'm dating someone and we do not match in chemistry and energy level and then I'm just going to be like,
then, you know, that's not it. Yeah.
So, like I did have this goal when I was finding a partner, which is why when I dated her, like the moment I met her. Yeah, dude, she was so funny. She was like, so hilarious. I never laughed so much in my, on a date before. I never, I really never
if someone thinks you're funny,
I thought, I thought I was funny because I'm always the one trying to like, I always had to engage in a conversation. But with her, everything just flew like it was flowing and like I was laughing non-stop and
suddenly you're not the funniest guy.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I was, I was like, dude, I think I met my match. So my friend was the bartender at that time. She went to the toilet. I told I really met my match and then I told him watch me marry this girl on the first day. And my friend still remembers
it. Well, this visualization technique, I teach some of our friends manifestation. I
manifested it. But I would say that um watching all these shows. It did, like, play a factor, like, in a partner that I was
aspirational because you look at it and you like, oh my gosh, I really can relate. I would love that. Correct.
In a real sense. I'm not talking about the dreamy sense about K drama and stuff like that. I mean, that's your go to a
lot of people watch K dramas and a lot of these romantic shows. I mean, ok, I admit I was hooked on and the actor that played King Charles. 00 my God. OK. That's your time. That season two? My season one. Yeah, I was like, girl, this is the kind of show I cannot watch with my partner or anyone I have to watch alone. It's like my me time. So my relationship with the Duke just don't bother me for,
would you say that when you were finding a partner, you found you were like, finding someone similar to this character
came after I met him? So like, yeah, too late. No, OK. I'm very much more logical and practical. So I, I wouldn't say I'm much of a dreamer when it comes to these things. Maybe when it comes to my life, I'm just a go with the flow person. But I don't necessarily think that I, so what do you find romantic?
I would definitely say acts of service. So when both of us started going out, my current partner, he also he and I were on the same page for certain things, but a little different on others and he's so practical to the point where every year and because our birthdays are one day apart. I know. So, it's impossible to forget once again. Yeah. And it's right after Christmas. So it's just like back to back. I know it's too much,
too much. But the way that he shows that he's romantic, he's like, oh, I have a list of items that I would like for my birthday. You can just pick from this list and he's like, why don't you give me a list or, or show me your list? But to me, I was like, that's so unromantic like then he said, but I want to get you something that you want. Like I'm OK. But how about this year? You try something different? You think about what I want and I can see him stress. He's like, oh my God, oh my God.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Ok,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna back him up here. OK? Tell me, tell me like I wanted, I wanted to mention this earlier like we can't read mine. So I would rather you tell me what you want like, OK, even even I'm going like even for the engagement ring. OK, tell me how that
I want to say this is a separate thing because you know, like literally the my Pinterest has been like talking about my engagement ring. Even since before I even started, I knew it. I already know exactly what I want. But when it comes to actually presents,
I'm, she does not like presence. I'm
a bit like, like your partner. Like I want to be given exactly what I want. Yeah. If not, then give me an experience. That is interesting. Ok. Yeah. If it's gifts I rather, because I always feel so bad when I receive things that I cannot use or don't like. But when it's experiences, you will always get to experience it no matter. Ok. But my idea is, yeah. Ok. We love experiences too, but of course, we still want to exchange a gift during, you know, birthday, right? So my idea is we've already
known each other for so long. You should kind of know like what I, like I said something, something I never do that. But it's just like knowing each other for so long. I'm sure they might be right. Yeah, exactly. But
there's only so much that you can surprise someone until it runs the idea runs dry. Ok. Yeah, like, ok, say, for example, you like jewelry. Ok. And your, your boyfriend buys you a necklace and then next day he buys you a bracelet and the next day he buys you a ring and it's boring. Buys you a watch and then sooner or later he's going to run out of body parts to cover you. With jewelry, right? So it just runs dry in terms of like this kind of things. So I would rather you tell me, ok,
what do you want? Like you want a Dyson hair dryer? You want you? What? I don't know
if I got a hair dryer for my birthday. No, but I, I remember I had an exboyfriend and he, he wanted to surprise me with a gift. Ok. So he didn't want to ask me what I want. He said, II, I bought something for you a surprise. Ok. And then I remember he set up and his contact was, he said I saw that you don't have this and you never wear it. And that's why I've gotten it for you in my head. Don't have this. I don't have this and I don't because I don't like it.
What was it? Hold on, what was it? I need to know it was like jeans. Oh, like
what? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I
was like, like, you know, or like I have friends who like the engagement ring was a surprise. So the, the guy was like, you always wear gold jewelry. So I thought we will switch it up with silver. Like where, why, how, why, you know, it's like, you know, they are like, it's like some of that because when they, if they think by themselves, right, they might come to a totally wrong conclusion. I better tell them, you know, and you know, when, if you are a gold girl, right? Yeah,
everything is gold. If you are a girl, everything has to be, you know, you like it like a mix, mix, everything.
It should be easy to buy you something. Right? Yeah.
Ok. But this should be a whole episode on it. Own how to engage
and it's so hard. You can't. Ok. So like men can't read mine again. Ladies man can't read, we can read mine or what. No, but at least we tell you what you want. I don't
disagree with him. I mean, my partner does tell me exactly what. But I also try to think out of the box a bit. Like I try to be observant, you know, and I realized like certain things that he might have said that he needed, but he didn't put it in his list. Maybe he didn't realize or like whatever. Then I'll just try and be more in tune with that. Yeah. So at least there's still surprise element. I don't know. Like life needs to be
interesting because I suddenly remember this romantic thing. I felt like he did for me, which was that, uh, like, I think it was a, it was like a random day and he was like, what are you doing tonight? And I was like, oh, I'm not doing anything and he was like, um, how about you dress up and bring you somewhere secret? Turns out he was like, bring me to this party like that. Was it like a Taylor Swift party? Oh, so I was like, you know,
I love this. So it's like this kind of things, you know, you apply to gifts also like you saw like, oh you have this bag and it's like falling apart and it's like looking like trash, you know, let me go get him something. Yeah, I didn't, I forgot that I probably need this or whatever. So that is that romantic surprise gift? Yeah, for sure. So all in all I think the key is just to be a bit more.
I think guys just like it direct. Like when I bought her this ring, then she, she told me, ok, what do you want for your engagement present? I'm like, get me api so she got me a py.
No, I was like, so, you know, do you want engagement? He's like this is the carousel link of the PS five that we can get tonight if you are done. You did the research. I was let go. I mean, he uses it every day, I'm guessing. So, I mean,
because I won't have the time anymore.
Yeah. So to summarize, I mean, we talked so much today. I really enjoyed our conversation. How important do you think is romance in a relationship? I feel like romance come so intuitively and easy in the beginning of a relationship. And now I think that like, you know, it, it, it probably with the busy schedule and the comfort level that comes in the relationship and how often you guys spend together right now. We are
like staying together and everything. It takes much more like maybe excitement and in, you know, like kind of intention to bring romance into the relationship. It's not, you kind of very easily fall. So you're saying that it has to be like a conscious effort and decision, like you sometimes lose the spy or, you know, people always say honeymoon period, but I think you need to kind of keep the honeymoon period going.
Um You have, you have to intentionally do it. That's why I remember when I was writing our marriage, one of our v is that I will not only fall in love but I will work in love, which for me is very important, which is like you, you have to work to intentionally actually love someone, everyone
take notes, write that down. So, you know, it, it's very important for me to, to keep, especially, you know, they always say that after a baby comes out like, right, you suddenly become like project mates team and then you may go on autopilot for, for a while because you are just so crazy. You know, so if there's no intention of your head, like a to do list that I have to be, I have to love this person. I have to be romantic this way and you forget about it, you know,
or you kind of take it for granted. Yeah. So I think that is really like the, the, that's the important part for me to keep being not even for, just for men, like for women. I also forget. So, what are some of your tips then?
Yeah, like what she said, I think love is driven. You cannot be stagnant. Yeah, you got to keep working because like, I know like a lot of people who break up and they say like, they, they, they don't feel the love anymore. They feel stagnant. It's not going anywhere. I don't think she fell out of love. Maybe you're just not working towards it anymore. Which is why I said that she always made it a point from the start that we have to have date night at least once a week.
So it's driving the, the love even for us. It's also like finding things that, uh, uh, that we have in comparison, like stuff like making content together. Like, you don't even have to go out to have a romantic date. Yeah, you can have like a couple of activity at home in the comfort. Just find something that both of you all can do and like, you know, just work towards it. Yeah. So
what I think he's trying to say is that keeping romance alive doesn't have to be high maintenance. It can be like everyday low maintenance stuff.
Yeah. Like buying coffee or like making cup noodles. That's what romance would grow into. It's not something big that we have to do all the time because you become,
you become like desensitized or
if it happens that way, then I feel like this love that I have is a job that I need to keep pleasing my part. Right. Then it grows something into something very tiresome. That's what I was very afraid of because I don't like one sided love. It has to be both ways where you can actually click in a small uncomfortable environment, right? I wouldn't say I love
it. I love it whenever he's like you want to go get coffee. I'm like
her love language. She's like, yeah, so romance is like those moments where at the start, yeah, we work hard, the honeymoon period. But to keep it going, you can't keep doing big things. You have to find romance in the small things.
It's a marathon, not a race. You guys thank you so much for an insightful episode and for sharing your love with our audience. It's very inspiring also to hear from a young couple like yourself. So please take care of yourself and come back and visit us when you pop girl. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of men. Explain, we hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please hit the follow button. We are on Spotify Apple podcast and me listen,
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