Are friends more important than lovers?

Hey, what's up with Sonia here with you. Welcome to another episode of Men explain. It's gonna be a really exciting topic here. Today. We're talking about friendships and marriage. I know it's gonna be a juicy one. Today, I have a very special guest here with me because the last time we met we were both hot and sweaty. It's Jason Godfrey,

That's right. Super hot and sweaty. It was disgusting. I'm Jason Godfrey. I'm an actor and writer.

So Jason today we're talking about friendships, marriage, all of which, you know, we've experienced. You've experienced especially

I have I am married and I have had friends in my life. Great

to know. I thought we were your only friends here.

I thought so too. Actually,

something so good. So do fill us in. When did you meet your wife And when did you get married? It was quite recent. Right.

Yeah. We got married quite recently. We've been together for a long time. So we were together for I think eight years before. I hope my wife doesn't watch this. But I get these numbers wrong.

She's definitely gonna

watch it. Don't watch it. Turn it off. Going to watch it. You know, we were together like I think eight years before we got married, we had the big marriage right before. Right before, but about six months before Covid went back to her home country of Romania and got married Communist style. Because that's what you do.

Okay, so on that note, what do you think is the main difference between a bond that friends have a bond that you share with your partner? I

think you have less sex with your friends or none at all

preference. Sometimes

not for your partner, more times you have sex with your partner. I think that's a different. That's great. That's that's

the difference. I really hope that your wife isn't tuning in right now. That's that's a good one too.

Yes, yes. Don't have sex with your friends.

Cut this one out and send it

to her. Okay, see there you go, baby. I don't know. What what do you what do you think?

Um You know, my friends have been there for me through all kinds of like shitty relationships, breakups. They've seen me through the worst shit ever there. My lifetime partners in a way, you know? Yeah, that's how I feel about my girlfriends at least.

Right. Right. So that's than any guy that you date is immediately like behind the eight ball, because you've got so much experience with these girlfriend is probably much loyalty. These girlfriends that like, the guy can't really, it's going to take time for the guy to displace that this

is actually interesting that you bring it up because it was one of the important lessons that I learned from one of my ex relationships as well. It's so important that your partner assimilates with your friends. Do you guys all hang out?

Especially in your case, like, so with me, you know, I have a close group of friends in university and then I left the country right? So I still have my friends but my wife and I she doesn't, you know my friends in Canada so it's less about her like them assimilating now with my wife because now our friends here are kind of our friends, right? So I don't really have that issue. Do

you miss having your support system like your friends to share like these life experiences with? Because for me, I don't know if it's a girl guy thing, I'm not sure this is why it's men explained right? Because we want to know from the men what's the big difference for me and my girlfriends? We want to share like big experiences in life together. We move in through different phases of life and we try and try our best to spend it together and share that. Do you miss having that support system?

I don't miss it because I I've never experienced it right? Because it's been so long now, I've been gone for 20 years. But to tell the truth when I see singaporeans and I see like in their social media feeds like my friend will be like me and my boys from whatever high school and they're still hanging out right, you know most important just say in Singapore. So your your friendship network doesn't move doesn't

for sure. And sometimes when my girlfriends and I go out and we see like moms with babies and stuff and they're enjoying wine and stuff were like, yeah, that's us and we're like, we better do that together in like a few years and you will

you're absolutely right

for like a bottle of champagne or something

responsibly. Of course, like my wife when she was pregnant, she bonded with some people from like a prenatal class or whatever. But I mean how much, how much better would that be if that was you and your friends like could be cooler right? And I know from my wife she'd rather have done that with their childhood friends or something, but you know, that wasn't we're not we're not there right? But you could do

that, but she definitely misses her group of friends in her

social status, but she's the same as me. We traveled for a long time. So you know, the old group of friends is like now they're like you're messenger friends, you just text him every once in a while.

So when she needs to be about you? She bitches to her to me usually about you two.

You Yeah. Which I've told her maybe don't ditch to me about me,

right? Because she has no one else to

beach to beach to the beach to the baby, he doesn't understand english,

absorb everything. Oh

no he will observe everything. Oh my

gosh, daddy asshole, daddy asshole. Gosh, is he saying that now?

He will, he will and if he does, I know where he got it from A few weeks. You got it from my wife, you know

on that note as well, do you necessarily think like your soul mate has to be the person that you're in a romantic relationship

with and I think the soulmate thing happens with your partner because you tend to spend more time, right? And they they see you all the time, right? So they know who you are and I guess you you either hate each other and kill each other or you become soul mates and you're like, you know this is my soulmate. Now

I personally don't feel like there is an ideal way of thinking of

the one soul mate. You never you never believe in a soul mate. I feel like I feel like you believe in a soul mate when I

got together my first boyfriend, I thought he was the one I got together my second, I thought he was the one, the third one. I thought he was the one to the first one is the one, so, but but what,

what should you think? Like, shouldn't you be thinking that? Yeah, I mean, I feel like you should be thinking that otherwise, why you're dating people?

I would shift it, shift the perspective too. I can see myself spending my life with this person. I don't know whether this person is my forever soul mate. I feel like different phases in your life, the, you know, the definition of a soulmate or what you look for in a soul mate or partner changes along the way. Anyway, okay, so we're talking about soul mates and friends and lovers and all that. Have you ever watched Sex in the City before? Yes,

you have actually really enjoyed the show. You do

God, who's your favorite character?

Samantha's cliche to say carry, no, no, no, no, you don't. Maybe charlotte

charlotte interesting choice. Okay,

because I think because she was cute, so, I think I was like, that's why when you

watch the show was it because of a partner, Of course.

Okay, that was my my ex girlfriend, we used to watch it and I was like, ah Sex in the City with these four ladies and there's no sex or there is, but when you mean when it came out, I was young, I was like, I want to see the more Sex in the City, There's very little Sex in the City. Yeah. More City than sex. And I'm like, but then I was watching it and like, you know, begrudgingly. I'm like, that's kind of funny.

I'm honestly pretty surprised that you watched the series. Pleasantly surprised. I think every guy should watch it. My boyfriend just won't watch it with me. Really? Why not? I don't know. He's just like, oh man, it's a lot of girls talking and I just can't deal with it. Just like, yeah, that was really fun. Yeah, I think

the old episodes hold up pretty well. Yeah, they really do.

They really do. So I'm excited for the new chapter it's called. And just like that on HBO go. So we're really excited for that. Stay tuned because we have a little surprise for you coming up at the end of the episode. So Jason, even though your friends are not physically here in Singapore, the ones that you grew up with and all that, can you share an example with us of how they helped you get through like a difficult time if any off the top of your head, can you think of any,

you know, I had a bad breakup, my, my best friend, I was like, do do you you free? And he flew out to Hong kong and then we went to, went to Thailand together and and I was just nice to have him around and like, so that was nice of him. Um Yeah, I had another friend one time when I was and university I I cut my finger cleaning a wine glass. The thing just popped and so then I pulled my hand out of the, out of

back here

is everything okay? And I said yeah yeah I just cut myself because oh I thought you killed somebody so I cleaned up all the cleaned up all the blood is still expected you

know that this is a

friend and I know yeah except when you got together with my ex girlfriends. Oh God what a plot twist. You didn't I didn't see

that one coming. Neither did I. Oh my God you guys still friends. No. Oh but he cleaned up your blood. I know he would have cleaned up a murder scene.

Well he cleaned up my ex. Oh

my gosh I am there wow that is a plot twist,

plot twist. There you go.

I've never really I am shocked because you know he was so calm about this

whole story. Yeah he was like I was calm. You will calm. I

really didn't care. He sprayed blood all over my wall and then my friend cleaning up and by the way he also slept with my ex

and I don't mean to be fair at that point I didn't care.

So. Yeah. I mean you already access and are they still together? I think I think he got married

had a kid. They got yeah.

Damn. That's a great story man. Is it a great story? Doesn't seem like a great hindsight in hindsight. Maybe

it's a great story for

you. What a story.

Rather entertaining. What a happy story at that time. I'll admit that that friend of yours but with your ex and had Children, wow.

But I mean he didn't, she wasn't cheating on you with. It

sounds worse than it is. So you're not old enough for maybe maybe once you get a little older than one of your exes will have gotten with somebody you know and then have Children.

Most of my XS are older than me. So that's why they you know also went into the whole marriage thing faster. I guess they just saw everything they didn't want and settle down quickly with the next person that they saw no friends guys. Not at all. We still remain cordial for most of it. But you know my friends, especially my girlfriend's they've been through all kinds of ship with me man. Like I think they've seen me like at my worst. You know whether or not it's relationship

what's your worst? Like what's the specific

okay so I had I'm not gonna yeah I hope he's not watching. So one of my, okay, then it's my first boyfriend.

Say it.

The first guy that I ever dated okay, was in school and I was like, oh man, like, you know, I really think that this is it, you know, as we always do. So we broke up unfortunately when I was still in taking my diploma at the time and then he carried on to date several other girls, but we kind of reappeared in each other's lives along the way. So then he goes, you know, I think this time like, I really wanted to work between us and I was like, I was so happy at the time, wasn't dating anyone.

time,

and I was like, okay, I didn't tell you that he didn't tell me. They

didn't tell you that as part of his pitch, like, hey, listen, I really think we can make this work. No, I'm dating someone.

Wait a second. I don't think so, because at the time, like we I mean he wasn't really on instagram or social media wasn't that bad at that point in

time. I think he was he just didn't tell you.

Yes. So basically what happened was, he said, just give me some time to work things out and then we'll work it out together. So I said, okay, I waited and waited for like a day, two days, you know, I gave him a week outside, I think to myself, okay, I'll give him a week. I think that's a fair time for you to sort your stuff out and then get back to me at least send me a text right? Um a week went by and like no sound from him. So I sent him like a WhatsApp and I was like, hey,

ex girlfriend find your number or something. So

I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I managed to send him an S. M. S. Okay? Nobody sent sms already at

that's for old people. I'll tell you

that you're an S. M. S. Aren't you?

I sent for this morning.

Yes. Anyway um Sms him. He finally replied after a few days, he said hey I did some thinking and unfortunately I'm going to stick it out with this girl that I what are you telling

you? At least he

didn't even know he could have

just the boss would be like, hey listen, you know it's great the other night

but not crazy. Okay so so then I was so disappointed. I think that was the most distraught I've ever been. Like any sort of relationship breakup situation,

whatever it is you should be because that guy was a dick. He's a dick for saying coming up to you and say let's go to dinner, we can work this out, I have a girlfriend. Yeah and then he's another he's a dick for for not just telling you he could have taken a couple of days,

count how many times Jason said dick, you win a price. But yeah that was the most distraught I've ever been. So they've seen me through that I was bawling every day. Didn't eat much like for like two weeks almost they came around to my place pretty often at the time.

That guy is playing with you. He's like, did your friends? So did you like get revenge with your friends? Like because the sex and the city girls would have gotten revenge. They probably would have, it would have, it would have been sophisticated. They wouldn't like hit him or something. They would like, they would like wreck his, his like his book contract or something or like

spike his drink with like laxatives. So during the pandemic, you obviously spent extra amount of time with your wife. You guys already live together. But did you guys learn anything new about each other over the pandemic?

We learned we're this close to killing each other. Yeah. Because I think the lockdown period was when our son was born. So I think combined being a new parent, which is, I'll be straight. I love my boy. He's awesome. But when you first have a kid, I think for parent, I think her dad's might be different. I think, I think mothers instantly bond for like, but like honestly like you have a kid and you're like, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. No, it's not.

demanding you need

to take care of me and there's no way. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like that's the least of it. I'll clean your poop but just sleep. Please go to bed. Yeah. So I think, I think when that was happening for Covid, we were all locked down. So like, we're never leaving. So my entire first lockdown was like, it was just two months that bled into each other where like, I don't even know what day it was anymore because it's just

and you didn't keep in contact with like your friends via zoom or whatever

we did actually did actually a little bit. Yeah, but there was just wasn't that much time. But yeah, I was gonna say about the pandemic, which was nice, was that because I've been away from my friends for a long time, but for some reason the pandemic, it really made me, I want to contact people more and I think zoom became more of a way to do it. So then

What would you do? My core group of friends that I grew up with like in my more teenage years, they are living in like various places, Japan, New Zealand Mexico like all over the world. So we've got all these different time zones, but at least once a month we try to get on a zoom call, do virtual drinks together and I want to give a

begin and depending where she lives, she might be like in a totally like there's nothing around like Singapore is very different than living in a

cosmopolitan here, right? Which is also Carrie Bradshaw's favorite drink. So she has been, you know, depending a lot on these zoom calls and virtual drinks just for your sanity just to make sure I don't forget who I am or like my friends who are back home and she knows that whatever happens whether or not new Zealand is going to be her. You know, her ending points whether she's going to live there forever, she will still have us to guide her along or just make her feel better.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a good catalyst for you guys because it gets you guys to get together. It gives you an excuse to be like, oh we have to help her. So

let's fly to new Zealand now. That's also let's travel now on the topic of that as well. You know, you still learn new things about your partner every day even though you've known each other for so many years.

Yes, you do. You learn a lot of them are bad ship, but I'm sure she learned a lot of bad things about me to

what is one thing that she hates about you,

my footsteps, my breathing mostly everything that I do, right? Yeah. That's just how marriages you'll you'll understand once you get there really?

I don't know, I feel like so many people sound so jaded sometimes when they talk about marriage. I mean, you know why why?

Because it's hard to

know. I mean please give us some advice to those of us who are in relationships, hoping to get married, I don't know anything, I

need to know if you're gonna, if you're going to get married and have kids. I used to think that you know you should date for a long time and really, really be sure and I still think you should be a little sure, but I think that it's very important if you're going to get married, have kids, do it in the honeymoon period, you know that honeymoon period where all you want to do is just put their genitals on your face the

that mode

melt that.

Yes. Yes,

Yes. Because then once you get past that and then it becomes like, you know, a little bit less magical then having a kid is going to be very less magical. Sage advice. Yes, sage advice. Get married and have kids when you're in the honeymoon period when you're in Vegas? Yes. Well, I don't know about the Vegas part. Sure. Do it in Vegas. Okay, okay,

thank you for your very lovely advice. I think it has not scared people off at all from the concept of marriage.

People are scared of marriage already, people are getting married. That is true and global global birth rates are down because everyone is like, you know what too expensive to have Children.

Know it's true, It's true. Do you think that's selfish or that's totally fine.

I mean it's not fine for the human race because we're basically saying that we'd rather just watch netflix than raise our offspring in the future of the, of you know, of our, of our species. But I understand it from a financial point of view, from financial or just like a time point of view. Exactly.

And what if you don't meet the person that you want to have kids with? You know what I mean? Do you still have friends who are not married or still single?

Only only freaks are not married and single when they get older at your age. I'm just joking. Of course I have friends. All my friends that I know that are there now, they call them that to their face. But you know obviously it's normal like if you don't, if you don't meet the right person or whatever or whatever, even if you just choose not to whatever.

I mean sometimes it's difficult to meet the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes we go through things like divorce so many people, you know have certain troubles that you know just not widely publicized

life is life is hard enough without trying to adhere to what everyone else is supposed to do. So just do whatever you need to do. Do you have

friends who are also divorced on that note?

Yes, Yeah, I do have a friend who got divorced. Yeah, it blew up terribly and they had like a beautiful marriage and we're so happy. They used to like, they used to like, we'd go over to their place for dinner and then they would start playing piano together. Oh my God, that's

so sweet.

Oh, okay. The divorce was like, I'm going to take you for everything, you're worth it and it went super, super bad. Do you have any divorced friends? This is a fun topic.

Yes, Yes, Actually my current boyfriend is divorced. What's so? Yeah, yeah, he, he also has kids from his previous marriage, so it was a bit of a shock to me. I mean he's been on this show before and he's been very open about it, so it's all chill and and all, but I learned so much from him as well, like

Yeah, I mean, you should definitely listen to him. The other thing. You should, you should take that should make you feel good. Is that after he's gone through all this shit, he's chosen you right? He's seen a lot of flaws and he's like, no, Sonja's got what I want.

And on that note, thank you so much for joining us here. We're almost at the end. You're welcome. Yes. Almost at the end of our episode we talked about so much. Like I think we caught up, I don't know how many months worth of catch up in an hour. We talked about friendship. You know, marriage settling down. The bond between friends and family and you know, between your partners as well. And honestly, I think that we are going to see all of this reflected in

Yes, I will. Yeah, I really like the show. So yeah, I'll check it

out. It's a brand new chapter. I think the girls are going to show us what life is like years down the road and maybe we'll get to learn a little bit or two as well from them.

From sex and the older city. Yes, let's do a lot of sex. Maybe not so much now because the girls might be getting a little bit

Now. They're still good older, they're still good. So to celebrate the brand new chapter of the girls in and just like that on HBO go. We have 10 watch party packs just for you. They have champagne glasses. We also have complimentary access to HBO and a bunch of other stuff that you can find in there. All you gotta do is to follow us. That's its clarity dot co on instagram and leave a comment stating who is your bestie? Check this person as well. That will go through thick and thin with you and