S1-E40. My final days of 39.

Join me for a walk while I free associate my looming 40th birthday. A summary of my scattered thoughts: Happy Birthday to me, it's fall in July. I quit another job. Get your eyes checked, Liz. 40: The Middle of Life & Death Thoughts I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be but I'm exactly where I want to be. I feel different inside of myself. You don't know until you know, you know? I have cavities, and inside my cavity is energy. My job exacerbated my sexual trauma. My creative flow is a leaky faucet. My study of love is leading me to more love. I can't help but find what I need right now. It feels good to trust my intuition. A good read: All About Love by Bell Hooks I feel different because I'm centered in myself. I don't feel scared of dying. Is morbidity a word? (Hint: it is. Am I using it right? Probably not.) I'm doing me; I'm being me: I'm fully expressing. I feel I've accomplished much. My life is full of color. I'm living up to my potential, promise.  I know my worth. I know my worth. I know my worth. (Worth sounds heavy.) I'm writing more; there is a second book in process and it is unraveling from the insides of my body onto the page. My life is a 52-card pickup game. I bought an Oura ring. I want to know my body mechanics. My body is my science experiment. Direct Eye Contact! I might be allergic... to the daisies I keep picking? I'm making a 40 list--of things I know, things I've learned through experience. Left Brain/Right Brain = Editor/Writer; I am a whole Artist. I fumble through some body part poetry. I have a painter's heart. I feel like I'm living in a moving set. Like that Jim Carrey movie I can't remember. Do you have a librarian working overtime in your brain too? Maybe I should write a children's book called See Liz Human. I'm going to be 40 in two days. Wanna know my schedule of events? No? Too bad. I tell you anyway. I still haven't gone kayaking. You can read about my first attempt in my book, I Was a Good Wife.