A listener production.
Like Finding That Up shop bargain. These boys come every one and maybe need a wash. Oh my word. It's Matt and Alex all day.
Breakfast. Well, it was bound to happen. We've almost had a thousand shows, and I would say they've all been 100% seamless. But you are listening to all day breakfast right now without a Matt Aucoin in the room. That's right. It's just me, Alex Dyson, doing a last minute emergency intro for you because we realized something happened and we recorded
the intro for you for Tuesday. It all went okay until Matt, I think, in the words of producer Braun, said something fully inappropriate and we can't put that to air.
Let's not do this. And and also, why don't you delete that? Um, just delete it.
Show.
The problem is we then forgot to rerecord it, and so all we were left with is an inappropriate introduction. So that's why myself, Alex, are jumping on the mic here to let you know that we've got a great show on for you today. Um, it's going to be a hot take. Um, we're also doing some ask Alex, and, uh,
Matt was scammed a little bit. So you're gonna be hearing that Matt will be joining us for the full show, but, um, until then, the Tuesday intro for today, we'll just go down in history as, like, you know, those movies where they need you to release the deck. Director's cut. Maybe one day, you know, in three decades time, people will be begging. Please release the Tuesday intro from episode 987 or something like that. Um, but until then, you're stuck
with this. Um, if you do want to come to our thousandth show, it's on at Comedy Republic on Wednesday the 20th of March, so come and hang out. We only get to do those intros once, so you'll be in the room to see whatever happens to that one. But look. Until then, please enjoy this wonderful edition of Matt and Alex all day. Breakfast. Um, let's jump into it.
Let's get this show on the road.
Let's go. Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Matt and Alex all day. Breakfast.
We like getting a few spicy opinions here on Matt and Alex all day breakfast. Last week on Hot Take It Away, I suggested that, uh, garbage people, people who pick up our rubbish and recycling should swap salaries with CEOs. They bring a lot more to the country, in my humble opinion. Matt Keane.
Look, we are not the only ones with hot takes around this dear country. We've got some friends who listen to the show who, like you, have got some opinions of their own. And one of those people is on the phone with us right now. It's a big hello to Phoebe. Hello.
How are you doing?
Really good. Phoebe has Adelaide today.
Very good. It's actually beautiful. Sunny weather. Fringe is going on. Um, Alex, I think you would be liking Adelaide today, regardless of what you've been saying in the past. Well.
Yeah. You made some enemies, man.
I 100% know I would be because I've been to Adelaide during Fringe Garden of Earthly Delights. We've done raves in Adelaide. I do like Adelaide. I said a joke. The feedback wasn't great. I reckon we're going to save this for Friday's correspondent segment, Alex's Mailbag. Uh, but.
Yes, the aloe vera.
Being splashed.
On.
Spicy messages, speaking of hot topics are there. But until then, Phoebe, you actually have an opinion that you think the world needs to get on board. So officially here. Phoebe. Hot. Take it away. Hot take.
Take this. Um, yeah. My hot take was that, um. Aeroplane food is actually delicious and adorable.
Both delicious and, okay, adorable.
Now, look, there's two sides to this coin. Um, one is that airplane food has been the butt of many jokes for decades, especially in the standup comedy circles.
Um, airplane food has been the Adelaide of cuisine for a long time. Just a punching bag.
Okay.
So you mean fantastic? Is that. Is that what you're saying? It's like it's the best.
That's what I'm saying.
Cuisine.
Potentially unfairly. So. Tell us why you like airplane food.
It's mainly the low expectation for the airplane food. You're not like the air hostess has come out with that tiny little skinny trolley. And they, you know, they bring out this tiny little platters and you think, oh, how good can this be? And then you open it up and you're like, oh, this is actually like a three course meal. It's satisfying, it's tasty, and it feels free because you paid for the flight like months in advance. What I do anyway, whenever I fly. So it kind
of feels like a free meal. So anything that you think you're getting for free, it's, ah, it's actually pretty awesome.
Yeah. Look, I mean, it's not known for its grand flavors, but it is the novelty that you enjoy it. I don't mind, and, you know, they give you a little. You're right. They usually give you a little salad on the side, a little bread roll. You've got your sort of meat chicken or veg.
Desserts are always fantastic. And then like the peanuts and then they come around with, you know, would you like a glass of wine? Of course I would like a glass of wine with my meal. Everything's always so tiny and cute. It's like the teeny tiny little waters and orange juices and. Yeah.
Yeah, I gotta say, whenever there's a bread roll, uh, the texture of the bread, it's never very, very good, though. It's like they've.
Carved off one of the planes tires and chucked it on the, uh, chucked a bit of butter on it. Phoebe, here's my issue with it. You're always cramped. It's too difficult to do the knife and fork thing when your hands are old, like chicken wings up by the side of you.
Yeah, this is true. But there's no expectation that you're going to be, like, looking nice or, you know, like, I think that's the thing is that you can just be a total slob you crammed in with, like, you know, hundreds of other people. Um, you're watching, you know, some movie. It's not rude to be watching a movie, having your headphones on while you're sitting next to your partner eating your meal. It's it's the dream.
No, I see you're you know, what you're in love with is the the the destination, the thought. You're going somewhere, you know, you've got this great place. Are you going to end up? They could literally hand you a dead pigeon and you'd be like, oh, this is exciting because you're going on holiday, Phoebe. We're all happy. When we going on holiday.
We get to pluck it ourselves. Beautiful.
But here's. But here's the thing. Here's my hot take. We need to scrap the domestic meals. All right, when you're flying Melbourne is Sydney or Sydney to Brisbane. No, I don't want a soggy sausage roll. Just give me $5 back. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you if the flight attendants came walk down the aisle and they were like, do you want a butter chicken puff or just $5? I'd be like, $5. Please give me my money. That's I'm a fly.
I never really fly within Australia. Like, we just drive to wherever we have to see family. So my only real experience with in-flight meals is flying to Europe. And that like you get, you get 2 or 3, like pretty decent meals. Um, and that is a long flight and it's extremely tedious. So when they bring around a meal, it's like, oh my God, we're on here. Like, it's the most exciting thing about the whole flight.
Yeah, they've got a captive audience.
Now, I think the real test of this, uh, take Phoebe, is if you were to be served the exact same food. In a different context. If you went out to dinner, okay, you're sitting around a table with friends. You've ordered the bottle of wine that started off. They put the meal in front of you. What would you say about the quote unquote food then?
Oh, look, um, uh, out of context, possibly not quite as delicious. Still very.
Cute. Maybe you'd be there going. How did I end up in jail? Is that where I am right now? Why am I eating these little cut up beans with this tiny plastic fork?
Look, if I if I could go through life and not have to think about my meals and just have a lovely woman walk up next to me and say hello, darling. Would you like the pastoral, the beef, like, oh yeah, and I'll have the pasta. Thank you. And she serves it in front of me that that's ideal that I would live my life that way.
That is good. And I actually I quite agree with you here, Phoebe. It is quite nice to get it, but you're right, when it comes to expectations, you know, we expect it to be bad. So that's why it's like, oh, this is this isn't too bad at all. Which is why I think they should extend that to the names they give the airplane food when they bring it down the aisle, because usually they say, oh, would you like the, um, the Bolognese or would you like the, you know, a
carrot risotto or something like Margot? But if they came out and said, would you like the tepid slop, you'd get it. And you go, oh, it's not all that tepid. You know, there's this there's a little bit of it's not as sloppy as I thought it would be, judging by the name.
So maybe, maybe I've gotten lucky. I've never had the same food.
Phoebe, we're on board as well. We are on board. We've scanned our tickets. We're ready to take off with you. I.
And the more people that disagree with you on this segment, the better as well. Phoebe, because it is all about rough, icy hot takes, even if the food is really spicy and only 50% hot.
Lukewarm. Yeah.
Thanks very much Phoebe.
Cool. Thanks guys.
And if you want to get in touch with a hot take, slide in the DMs, Matt and Alex and let us know what controversial opinion you think the world needs to know. We'll be addressing another one next week.
About the mouth map. Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau Mau.
Oh, I almost got scammed.
I so.
Oh, who's trying to scam you, buddy? Brisbane Broncos stop.
The Broncos.
Mate. I'm trying to sell you a membership to heartbreak.
I only just recovered from last year. Now we're back. Big season ahead. Can't wait. No, someone called and said, hey, um, did you just buy, you know, purchase a $500 gift card in your eBay account? And I said no. And they said, oh, it's lucky we've caught you. Then, um, you know, we've just we've just seen this thing. We knew it wasn't you because you're not in California. Um, so we're just going to cancel it. I'm going to send you a message so that we can do that.
Open up your eBay app. Has it been sent through yet? And I said, um, nope, haven't got it. And they go, okay, no worries, don't worry. This usually happens. You're just going to need to go to the, um, app store and download the following app. Um, just type in and y d e s k. And I was like any desk that's sus as.
That does sound sus. What happened.
There? Well, I just said, uh, actually I won't be doing that because that sounds like scamming software. Goodbye. And then I hung up and then I had to double check both my eBay account and any desk to make sure that I was on track and I was on track. Any desk is a remote software. A remote access software app. Yeah. So people can get into your phone and start doing it, but I just, I just thought that's they they got me that far, you know.
Well, I got a call the other day from someone's like, oh, it's from Uber. This is about your recent correspondence. Um, um, do you have a moment to talk about it? I'm like, no, thank you. Hang up. Because I got this weird email about it as well with the weird Uber address. And I'm like, no, I haven't been complaining to Uber. This is not happening. Then in my actual Uber app, I got a message. I'm like, hmm, how did they get
into the actual app? I'm like, I think this guy I hung up on thinking he was a scammer probably actually worked there, but good bye sir. Anyway, apologies to that guy.
What was the app? What was the message?
Um. Oh, let's have a look. How do you find your messages services? Activity. Account. Personal. Messages. I don't know what's going. Business hub. No, not then. I just got a 4.83 rating so I can find.
Oh, I gotta check my writing. I haven't been rated for years. I haven't checked it 4.83. Hey, um, I expected more from you. Alex Dyson.
I was 4.84 at one stage, but I must have had a shocker.
Okay, let's see where I'm at these days. Well, I'm at 4.84.80 flat. Yeah, but the fact that we're, you know, only that far apart, it just goes to show that you're not that much better than me, Dyson.
I mean.
Certainly not as much as you think you are.
Oh, 3%.
Better. Yeah. No, that's not enough, mate. That is not enough. Brian, what are you.
I'm a 4.74.
Oh, wow. Who would have thought brawn would be the rudest, most disruptive? You know what it is.
You know what it is.
I know exactly what it is.
A member of this team.
I'm not wearing it.
No, you. You sit here and you have to. You have to, you know, just be nice and and, you know, I really don't. Working all through the podcast that when you walk out this door, you just let rip to the first person that you see.
The first.
Person that.
Sees you after work.
You're done.
Absolute earful. You know what it is?
I reckon I've paid for Ubers before when my friends have been absolutely minted.
Yeah, and that's the most dangerous thing of the 21st century.
I would never do it. I'd put him in a cab instead. And then.
I have to deal.
With this.
The bad writing, being a good friend and ordering the Uber good friend.
Bad writing. Do you think the worse the rating, the better the friend?
I think so.
I will never forget the message that we got from someone who said, I got a zero star, um, Uber rating from one driver because I put my friend in the back of an Uber and they spilt their pippins in XO sauce in the back.
Why were they carrying Pepys?
Pepys in XO. You couldn't get two things worse to spill. Um, so we asked you what was the cause of your bad writing?
David got in touch. My mate threw up into a paper bag, and then the bag disintegrated. Yeah, you need that structural integrity. Don't you begin to vomit an Uber. You just. You want to have the time.
Where you say plastic over paper? Yeah. You know, when they ask. Yeah. Um, Candice said my brother dropped his guts in the rideshare car just before we got out. Yeah. You don't want to leave that sort of tip for your driver, do ya?
Absolutely not. Uh, Jimmy, my mates give me one star reviews every time I list something on marketplace.
Oh, no.
That's brutal. Jimmy.
Yeah. Ditch those mates, Jimmy.
Yeah, I know that would look super dodgy. Like you go to buy something from a seller. It's one star.
Everything's one stock.
Oh, no.
I trust those rates like, I. I put my faith in those, in those ratings as well. Absolutely. Someone doesn't have five stars. I'm I'm sus ass. That's it. So, Jimmy, these your maids are costing you big dollars.
And Tess has given us a call as well. Tess, what was the reason for your bad rating?
Ah. So, um, I'm a trainer, and I train a bunch of different things. One of the things being a two day course in mental health. So mental health first aid, really great course. And at the end of every course everyone gets to give feedback on, you know, the content, how their facilitator was and any areas for improvement.
Right. So it sort of helps you see how what people are getting out of it and helps you adjust and make the course better every time.
Yeah, 100%, you know, because you want to stay on the ball and make it as good as you can. So I've got a pretty decent track record. It's not sort of go, okay, the course itself is really good. Anyway, a couple of years ago I was just getting into the facilitating and did a course. I thought it went really, really well, got all the feedback a couple of days later and someone's giving me one out of five stars.
Oh man.
I mean, that's I mean often people, people really rate emotive Lee, don't they? I mean, like because very rarely is anything actually only worth one out of five stars because.
I'm sure that's the minimum what you could have given as well.
Like it was, it was a 1 to 5 thing. And I was like, well, they left alive. The room wasn't on fire. Everything like I was. I was so intrigued because I just saw, like the spreadsheet of, okay, you've got five out of five for everything, but there's one out of five, and what is that? So I had to scroll through all their feedback and everything. They said everything was great. They loved the course. They love the content. I thought I did a good job, got
to the end. And they've said, I'm really disappointed with the selection of lollies that you've had on the tables. I really don't like mentees and fan tales which are now extinct, by the way. Um, I just I really felt it impacted negatively on my experience and I was just like.
Oh no.
Oh.
So so that dropped them four stars down. It wasn't that it was close to perfection. So I'll give you four out of five.
It was minty. They got stuck in their teeth. That's what it is.
It was disastrous. And I honestly, I, I felt like it was a joke and I've sort of looked back through their feedback, but they've definitely given me, um, a poor rating purely because of the lollies that I've put out of my own pocket on the tables to get us through the two days.
So the option that they didn't realise they also had was no lollies. You were doing that out of the kindness of your heart.
Yeah, 100%. I guess I should just never underestimate what's important to people. But far up man, it really brought my aggregate down and I'm really supported.
Hey, do you know, you know, the old slogan for mentees was it's moments like these you need mints. And I feel like. I really feel like it's moments like these. I hope you had a mint.
So true. Oh, my eyes are now extinct too.
Yeah, maybe just too many cost. Too many people. Too many jobs. On their performance reviews. Did it get to the higher ups? Did anyone look back through and go, you know your average is not looking too crash hot here at the moment? Tess.
Fortunately, everyone else's ratings kind of put me in a decent spot. It never got flagged and I just never said anything because I was like, I don't want anyone to look into this. It just felt so ridiculous. And I was embarrassed. Um, but yeah, it was so dumb.
What lollies were they wanting? Do they say? Because there's no point.
Um, I did remember hearing someone being like, oh, I really prefer, like, jellybeans and snakes and like, that kind of thing. But this, again, was just after Covid, so I'd gone the extra mile and gone, I'm going to get stuff that's individually wrapped to try and save, like, you know, passing of germs on, you know, different hands on lollies. And it's just blown up in my face with this one, you know. So.
Oh goodness me. Well thank you. It's a five out of five phone call for me. Thank you so much for jumping on an all day breakfast. And we'll talk to you soon.
Thank you.
Hear me? Alex?
Alex, can I ask you a question? It's called.
Ask Alex.
Yes. When I close my eyes and go to sleep at night, I hear the cries from around Australia. Alex! Alex, please help me. Alex. Alex, what do I do? And it's all because I used to be the, um, romance counsellor and girlfriend magazine. So, um, I'm brushing off the the accreditation and helping you out with your issues. Aaron, this week says, Alex, what are some ways to meet a romantic partner without using dating apps?
Ah, this is a good question. So, uh, as someone who has been recently single, um, you you've got some experience in this. You've dabbled in the apps, but you've also done the traditional elements. Yeah, I'll.
Try and go through history of the people who I've met. Um, I met doing a musical one time. So if you want to sign yourself up for some amateur theatre, okay. I mean, because we're nerds, but tell you what, there's a few horny nerds out there, um, maybe one of them at the time. And there's a good place to meet. But you're in the cast, you're dancing, you're singing together. A bit of acting. Okay, maybe you could get a role, right? In which that you're a romantic partner with someone that
gets the juices flowing. Although then you've got the issue of my my bad one over the years. It's funny because I went out with a girl in U9. We went out for about six months or something like that. And then years later at university, we went to the same college. We're in the same musical together. We'd broken up, but we got roles in which we had to kiss at the end of a scene or more, as my girlfriend at the time was also in the cast. Didn't really like that. Oh, so if you. Yes, that's the
way to make your romantic partner. But just be wary, okay?
Because the love triangle could really turn into a real life Streetcar Named Desire.
And then buddy James Taylor, who's on the lighting on the last night because you meant to kiss. And then the lights go out. He deliberately holds the lights up on us. So we've just got to be on stage there, smooching until the lights go down. And he's just keeping them up because he's a bloody dog. Anyway, I'm over it. Um, so we've got musicals there. Um, music festival. I met someone at, um, actually, if you want to go to the Chinchilla Watermelon Festival. I met a girlfriend there at
one point. Mhm. Um, which is pretty good, although probably not at the event, which I'm not sure they're still doing in 2024, but I was certainly doing midway through the 20 tens, which was the Miss Melons competition. Uh, now that is where a group of girls, uh, predominantly all that I saw, um, got up on stage and. Were judged upon their melons, which referred to their body parts, their upper body parts. Now, I thought the first time I went there that this would be done in quite a tasteful way.
Ah, the gin chiller. Watermelon. What about.
Miss Melons? It was hosted by someone who, I believe introduced himself as the host of the breakfast show, the local breakfast show, which I think was called the Rock FM from memory. And I thought, okay, well, he'll go out and, you know, be pretty, you know, as appropriate as one could be for Miss Melons, you know, funny name,
Miss Melons. You won't play into it too much. No. He walked out on stage in front of about 500 people, and the first thing he said to the crowd was, who wants to see some titty?
This is a family event, right? This is. This is for the whole community.
Not in a pub.
It was okay.
It wasn't to family, but I just my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't believe this was happening on. But the person I met was not in the in the actual competition. But, um, so some very nice people who participated, I have to.
Say, die. So the Chinchilla Melon Festival was back in 2023. But, uh, as the headline in this Courier-Mail article says, uh, one particular event did not stand the test of time. Uh, there is Miss Melons no more.
Well, anyway, that's, uh, what's happening out there, but, um, run clubs have been the one recently where people have been using it instead of dating. I've seen headlines for that. You can go on to it. But the other thing, Aaron, that I just I've got to say as well, is dating apps are actually I quite I think they're quite good because you're meeting people who also want the same thing and, you know, they're on their apps because they're
doing that sort of thing. And there's an element of being able to talk or not talk and that sort of stuff. It's pretty good because when I've. Since being single, it's been very difficult to go. Well, it was always tough to muster the courage, but also you just don't know what people are thinking at the time. You know, they might just want to go about their day. So I find it very difficult to do that straight up, like ask for someone's phone number or something.
No, you just gotta do it. You just gotta be fearless.
Mhm.
I mean, you don't want to pester anyone. You got to try to get, you know, gauge any sort of. Interaction. Any sort of interest? Got to shoot.
Your shot, though.
Yeah, but you got to be in it to win it. That is the main thing of what you're saying. So. So whether you're joining a running club, whether you go to the Chinchilla Water Festival, you've got to actually be out and doing things, inserting yourself into situations in which you are likely to interact with people who are not a part of your key social circle. So go out, join the clubs, and don't see those instances as a means to an end. See them as but one tiny
step towards the top of the of Love Mountain, right? Yeah. You're not. If the people in your running club, you don't necessarily you're not going to meet the one in your running club, but you might meet a friend of the one, or you might meet a friend who has a cousin who at some stage when you're out, you bump into them and then they're like, hey, this is someone who I just did my placement with. And then suddenly you meet that person and it's on, but you gotta be in it to win it. Next question.
Amanda, is it okay that I wear a shower cap during sex? Oh, God, I wasn't expecting. Sorry about that. Is it okay that I wear a shower cap during sex?
During shower?
Oh, sorry. That's crucial. Sorry. Sorry about that.
Yes, that is really crucial. I so. I don't think Amanda is suggesting that she's just about she's going to say, oh, let me slip into something more comfortable and then ducks into the, you know, bathroom and comes out wearing a shower cap.
Yeah. Could wear a shower cap during shower sex. We have a kid in limited time to boink, and I don't always want to wash my hair. Um, I think it's fine. I think a shower cap during shower. It's, you know, it's practical. Okay. We've always talked about using protection, and I think that extends to the hair if you don't want to get it wet. Okay. Um, just make sure that the shower cap you use is ribbed for his pleasure. That's all I'll ask of you, Ahmed.
I tell you what. You could be. You could start something here. Because I haven't seen any sex scenes in movies in which the shower cap is is really a part of the of the, you know, the moment.
Yeah. I don't remember in 500 days of summer like they do do it. Awkward shower sex. I'm pretty sure, but I don't recall Zooey Deschanel putting on a little shower cap. Zooey. It's double. Oh, I got Zooey.
Zoe.
All right.
I finally got my routers moment. Thank you. Cut it out. Put it on socials.
I'm sure.
I'm sure someone's called. So I'm glad that this just happened.
To your idea.
Oh, that has made my day. I am done with this podcast. Thank you. I'm gonna finish Amanda early today.
That's totally fine. Pop the shower cap on and go for it. It's. Confidence, as with everything, is the sexiest thing of all.
Um, thank you very much for listening. Matt on end on Alex is where you can get in touch with us on Instagram. Uh, if you've got anything that relates to something you've heard on the show, other than that, we'll be back here. Same time, same place tomorrow.
See you later.
That's it. The all day breakfast kitchen is closed. Got something to add to the show? Slide into our DMs at Matt and Alex.